John Gray - Side Effects
1 Corinthians 13:4 love suffers long and is kind: love does not envy: love does not parade itself, is not puffed up: does not behave rudely, tell somebody don't be rude. Does not seek its own, I don't know why that's funny to me, just don't be rude. Is not provoked, anybody here easily provoked? Let's just be honest tonight. Let's be honest for the next 27 minutes, let's be honest.
Who in here, has a problem? When somebody says something, you don't give 'em grace. You like, what? What you say? Who's that, where are those, where's the, what? Huh? Where's that person? You ready to... Where are my set it off people, just? Everybody's not momma daddy. Oh bless your hear, you didn't mean it. You know what you did, you know what you said! Where are those people, let me see those people? Look at y'all. Look around, and if your hand is up, tap somebody, say that's me, he's. It's me, love taps. Thinks no evil. There's another one. Somebody mess with you, get on your nerves, hurt your feelings. When you do your eyes like this, you ain't thinking no good. This is, you thinking evil right there. I'll smack you right in your. Mmm hmm.
Fellas when your woman does that, you know what it is. Get on the couch, just. Hey baby I didn't mean it. Mmm hmm, I saw you lookin' at her when we was in the mall. I was not, I was checking to see if the outfit, because I was gonna get you the same outfit, that's all. Where my fellas at, you know. Now I'm holding your hand don't do that, don't do that in the mall. Don't do that in the mall, don't do. Get your hands off me. Maybe it's just me? Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth: bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Love taps part two, this is side effects. Side effects. Let me give you a definition for side effects for those who are taking notes. Side effects - undesirable effect or outcome of something meant to help in one way, but causes an issue in another. Side effects - undesirable effect or outcome of something meant to help in one way, but causes an issue in another. How many people here are currently taking some type of medication? Let me see your hands. Keep your hands up. First of all, Father if their hand is up before the end of this year will you give us the processes, procedures, and disciplines to remove the medicine from our lives. And if by chance those do not work in totality, then do a miracle on top of that. Can I get an amen?
I bind that infirm spirit, that sick spirit that we just constantly dragging something. There's something going on in the knee, and your back is hurting, and you've gotta take three and four and five pills. That is not God's best for your life. May the Lord give all of us who are taking medicine on a consistent, continuous basis. Ask the Lord for the wisdom to implement the necessary disciplines so we can do our part. And then while we're doing that, we can believe for a miracle on his part, amen? Anybody ever read that bottle? And your looking and you know what the medicine is for, but if you check, there's also some side, side effects.
There's certain things, I have a disc that I believe God is going to heal. Notice how I said that. There's a disc issue, and I believe he's gonna heal it. Now part of the healing is if this part goes away, then that's gonna take some pressure off of this back here in this situation. Right now, this is not helping that, but this ain't that, and one day this ain't gonna be there and that is gonna change. But right now, the way my disc is set up with my nerves and my checking with my savings. I've got a pill, so that if there are moments when that, and it's not just a regular pain, it's not a humming pain, it's not like, it's like, it hurts. Cause love hurts anyway, um. The pill actually, relaxes the muscles and relieves the pressure from the nerve and so I don't feel pain. But the side effect is, you get drowsy.
So don't operate heavy machinery. And my wife's like, you could still brush your teeth. I'm like, no it's electronic, it's machinery, just. I'm gargling tonight. Anybody have ever had an adverse reaction to a medicine that was designed to help you? Isn't it funny that the thing that was supposed to help you actually injured you? Hasn't that happened in relationships? You just knew that person was it. You done called your friends. Girl, mmm. Ohh. He be worshiping too, he goes to church and everything. He goes to church sometimes, yes. No he don't know the songs, but I don't care. He just, he's there, he is there. He took me to Starbucks, yes. Yes this might be it, this might be it, oh my God!
Couple of months later... What happened? He just like the rest of 'em. You opened your heart for love, and you got reality. It's a side effect to opening yourself to the possibility that this might turn into the thing that looks like the movies. See the thing about love, because I wanna talk about love. Can I talk about love? See love, love is a dangerous thing. Because love opens you up. You cannot love closed hearted, and closed fisted, and closed lived. You've gotta open your life when you love folk, when you love people, when you love the kingdom. And when you do that, the same openness that allows you to love the way Jesus loved, is the same openness that allows you to be injured.
Somebody say love taps. Side effects. Let's talk about love. There are many different types of love, depending on who you are. Let's just about it. But I want to talk about it right now from the perspective of God. Number one, love is the essence of God. 1 John makes it clear, God is love. He does not do love, He is Love. We know what John 3:16 says, for God so liked the world. Nah, you don't die just cause you like the world. You don't give your only son like you know what, I like them. I'm on die for they sins today. No, that's love. That's an all encompassing love. That's a dearly love. That's an agape love. This type of godly love, is what we are supposed to be displaying and modeling to the earth.
This is the defining characteristic of the church. You cannot call yourself a Christ-ian, a Christian, and not love. For they will know we are Christians by our love for one another. Go ahead, tell three people, I love you, I love you. Tell somebody. Tell somebody, I love you. Some of you said, well I can't really say that. I can't say that I love them, because I don't know them. Okay, I just sat down next to them, okay. I might, it's nice to meet you, but I'm just, let's holdup on the love okay, because I don't know you.
Here's what's deep. Jesus loved you and he knew you when you were unlovable. But yet, he extended his love, and in the same way that we're applauding because we know in our worst state we didn't deserve his love. What he's saying is, since I loved you when you did not deserve it, the least you can do is meet people at the base of love. The basement of your interaction with people should be love. It shouldn't be the thing they gotta prove. They shouldn't have to work for your love. They should start from love.
Tell somebody I love you. It's hard for some of the fellas, they sittin' next to you just like, I..., what he said. What's funny is especially for fellas, it's hard for us because it's a different thing. Because when we think love, we think Romantic or feminized. But, there is no greater model of love than how Jesus walked with his disciples. Three years, building them, teaching them, training them, discipling them, correcting them, adjusting them, preparing them, bringing them from a place of irrelevance and mediocrity, into a place of multi-generational prominence. We still talk about the disciples, not just because of what they did, but because of who they were with.
Do you understand that the power of love can unlock the potential in the people that are around you? Do you know that Jesus wasn't a professor. He was a Savior and the primary characteristic of everything that he did was love. Side effects of love, there's a lot of 'em. Oh, yes it is. I want to go back to this scripture though because when I talk about love tonight, I want you to think about God. Every time I say love, I need you to think God. Because I want you to walk out of here. When you say I love you, I need you to literally began to attempt to process that word and put God's character on it so when you connect with people, you begin to handle people the way he God has handled you.
So love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself, it's not puffed up. Does not behave rudely, does not seek it's own. So let's change that. Let's take love out, and let's put God in there. Let's see if it still works. God suffers long and is kind. God does not envy, who was he jealous of? He's God, he's like, I'm me. God does not parade itself, is not puffed up. This is very profound. Because, if I'm God, you know cause there are people who don't believe in God, they don't. And that's their right.
And they're like, well if he's God, why doesn't he show himself? And I'm like, you didn't see them stars? You don't see these mountains? You don't see all of this beauty? You don't see the eagles? You don't see them ducks flying in a triangle? How'd they know how to do that? You see this grass growing? Can we make a tree? Can we, do you see all of this? And, that's the thing, God actually allows people to make a choice. He didn't just open up the earth like, hey, I'm up here, look at me. He's not puffed up. Because he's confident in who he is. He doesn't need to prove anything to anybody.
So then, God thinks no evil, he doesn't rejoice in iniquity. He rejoices in truth. He bears all things, believes all things. He hopes all things, endures all things. God never fails. How many people know God never fails. No, I think we need to shift that again. How many people know God never fails. Yeah. It is the love of God that motivates God to protect you every day. It is the love of God, where his rain shines on the just and the unjust. This is the part of God's character that I don't particularly like, that he loves people that I can't stand. Anybody else, like God, you not supposed to love them the same as me. I'm serving you. How come they still, you know they get to do whatever they want, cause they're my child too. God loves everybody, and I know that messes with really religious people.
Notice, there's a difference between religion and relationship. Because religion will put categories on who God should love but if you look at scripture, then you'll understand that God's love never fails, which means that no matter how broken you are, no matter how drunk you are, no matter how high you are, no matter how many people you've slept with. God looks at you, and like I love you. I love you so much. If you only knew the plan I have for your life, oh, if you'd just get into a community of believers. I know you don't want to hear it right now. And since you don't, I gotta send my angels to cover you until you come into your right mind. But I'm not gonna throw you away, because I've already made up my mind about you. I love you.
The side effect of love is longevity. I love you so much, that I'm a love you a long time. And I'm a love you until you turn around and realize I've been here the entire time. Somebody in here that's been a recipient of the side effect of God's love needs to stand up and give a praise. If God was ever patient with you. If he ever forgave you over, and over, and over, and over again, can you give him a praise. If you know God's been better to you than you've been to yourself. Can somebody thank God for the side effect of love. He should've left you in your sin. He should've left you in that club. He should've left you in that relationship that was no good. But he loved you too much! Five second praise break. Thank you for your love! Thank you God!
And how did God manifest his love? In the form of a baby. John, a baby. Yeshua, Mashiak. He will save the people from their sins. Emmanuel, God is with us. He wrapped flesh round the mystery and then grew him up in front of the people for 30 years. And then unlocked him for three and a half years. And he ran around Jerusalem, Judea, Capernaum, and Bethany. Running around saving folk, healing folk, delivering folk. Praying for folk that didn't even like him. Giving out miracles to people who would never come back to see him again. But this is love. It doesn't seek it's own. Jesus said, I'm a heal you, even though I know you ain't gonna come back and see me. Whoa!
What would make Jesus love folk like he did? Think about it. Was Jesus merely doing what his Father asked? Was this just duty? Is love duty? No. 'Cause there are people who go to work every day, because it's your duty, you gotta go to work. You gotta do what you have to do. But you don't love what you do. But you know you have to do it because you gotta pay bills. Jesus didn't clock in to ministry. Somebody needs to catch this. Jesus is like, you healed, you delivered. Wake up little girl, stretch out your hand.
Do you wanna be made well, just sitting at this pool 38 years, ugh. You get on my nerves, get up! The woman at the well, he didn't over there, you nasty, I already know, you have five husbands. You sleeping with somebody now, ugh, don't touch me. Everything he did, and every person that the Bible shows us he talked to, he had this overwhelming love. This overwhelming compassion. Everybody? Not just the people that could give him something? Everybody? Even the people, especially the people that could give him nothing? Everybody? Prostitutes? I love you. Lepers? I love you. Even though nine of y'all won't come back and speak to me. Only one of y'all will come back. But even if one comes back, the whole thing is blessed because if you'd just give a tithe. One out of 10 went to tithe, so the other ones got blessed 'cause one came back. Whoa!
Jesus didn't clock in to ministry. So we can't clock in and out of people's lives. I'm gonna say that again. You can't clock in and out of people's lives. You need to write this down. You can't just decide who you want to love and who you don't want to love. If you are a Christian, then love is the foundation of how you interact with people. It's real quiet in this place. John 13:34, a new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. What does it mean to have love for one another. A new commandment that I give you. Love one another. And not just love in the way you think, but as I have loved you.
So here's what I need you to do. This is your assignment for the next seven days. I want you to highlight the ways Jesus loves you. How has Jesus manifested his love in your life. Start, I'd help you with your list, 'cause some of y'all like, I'm not really sure, what, what do you mean? Well first of all, he woke you up. There's number one. Many of you had a choice of clothes to put on. So he provided for you. How many people here have a job, let me see those hands. Keep your hands up, that's a love tap. That's Jesus making sure that you're able to provide for yourself, for your family. You can start with those things, the basic things.
He said you're not just living for obligation and duty. He said you've got to shower her with love and shoes is a part of her love language. And she's got beautiful feet. It's one of the reasons I married her. I said her toes is always amazing. Jesus gave her her toes, amen. I actually feel the Holy Ghost right now. Amen. It wasn't about the shoes. What the Lord was teaching me is that you can't just be about duty and obligation because there's no passion in that. Jesus wasn't obligated to heal, save, deliver, but he was passionate about people, so he met them where they were. We don't get to tell people or decide where they should be when we encounter them. We have to love them where they are. And we gotta connect with them where they are.
And what God was teaching me is that there are different ways to love. Providing for my family and paying bills is one aspect of love. But connecting to her passions or connecting to the things that speak to her heart, that's another type of love and I was not familiar with that because I had never really engaged long term relationships. So I had a lot to learn and I still do, but what I realize is that if I connect in places where she is passionate, it unlocks areas of her that actually benefit me. I'll leave that right there.
Fellas, here's your assignment. Where are the husbands at? Hands up, husbands. The wife is like, I know that's right, talk to him, please, 'cause he don't listen when I say. Hands up, hands up, fellas. The next seven days, each day, connect to her passions. Find something that she's, keep your hand up. He was like, nah man, I just didn't say buy her something every day. It may be a gift from you paying for it but it most likely is something you do for her from your heart, from your substance.
Fellas, for the next seven days, every day, find a way to connect to something she's passionate about. If it's a TV show, only there's like, a lot of the fellas left they hands down. I'm glad for some of y'all. Y'all kept your hands up. Other guys like, man, my arm hurt. Maybe it's one of them cheesy TV shows and you know, a home makeover show or you know, one of them movies and they cry and just sit next to her. Act like you cryin'. Oh, that was so good. Oo, hoo, I don't know what is going on. This is beautiful. If you will, each day, do something that connects with the place where she's passionate, by this time next week, you will be hugging me. Thanking me. Because she doesn't need you just to pay bills and just to be there. She needs you to be passionate about her, and what life does, is it rubs away the passion because we get so caught up in our day-to-day chores.
Your wife is not a chore, sir. She is not a bill, sir. She is the rest of you, sir. And so you must love her and elevate her so that we can get the spark back in our marriage, so we can put the devil on the run. Can I get an amen? In here? Somebody give him a love tap. When you connect to her passions, give her a love tap and let her know. Tap, tap. You know what that meant.
Here's something. You can't talk about love without talking about Jesus, so here's what I wanna ask you. Who did Jesus love? Everyone. When did Jesus love? All the time. Ooh, I feel the Holy Ghost in here. I'm gonna go back over 'em because I need you to get this. Who did Jesus love? Everyone. When did Jesus love? All the time. How did Jesus love? Completely. Somebody said through the cross: absolutely. That was a complete releasing of his will to the will of the Father for the betterment of all mankind, for all time. He completely loved. He didn't hold anything back. So who did he love? Everybody. When did Jesus love? All the time. How did he love? Completely.
Here's a question. Why did he love? That's what's gonna mess with ya. Can I give you, say it again, who said unconditionally. Why, unconditionally? That's good: that will probably go with the other ones, but, we gonna keep it 'cause I love you 'cause you was loud about it and I love people that's just loud for no reason. No, I'm playin' why did he love? Say again. It was his love. It wasn't because he knew you could love him back. Why did he love me? He chose to. Because we came from the same Father. It's gonna mess with you. My kids don't have a choice whether or not they're in relationship, because even if my wife puts me in a garbage can and rolls me down the street, those kids carry my DNA and they have my last name. And so, it is written in documentation, y'all gonna love each other for the rest of y'all lives. You gonna cover each other because y'all are blood related.
Why did Jesus love you? Because you are his sibling. You are a child of the same Father. Nobody's catching this. Your Heavenly Father that created you created him. And so, when he sees you, the Bible says we are joint heirs. Which means, I have equal access to the kingdom as Jesus himself. He loved me into my inheritance. Imagine showing up to a table for the reading of a will for a person you didn't even know died. And they call your name and give you an equal part in an inheritance as the ones who are in relationship the entire time. That's what Jesus did. He was in relationship with the Father for eternity and he himself allowed his blood to be the payment to put you in the will.
Oh help me. His love put you in the will. His blood put you in the will. Tell somebody I'm in the will. I'll shout on that one a little later. That's a whole 'nother sermon, see, because once you get in the will of God, things start changing. Why did Jesus love? He was compelled to love because he saw what his Father was trying to do.
Why did he love? He loved you because he chose to. The choice is the supernatural thing you've gotta get. You didn't earn it. You can't earn it. You can't tithe enough to earn it. He just loved you. He just chose to: it was in him to do. He loves you right now, where ever you are, and this is so important because too many people are getting mixed messages from certain aspects of the body of Christ that if you do certain things, then God will love you. And if you act a certain way, God will love you. This is not the biblical model. Jesus loves everybody. For God so loved the world, not just the saved folks, not just the ones that know the Psalms.
The side effect of his love is that it doesn't matter where you are when he finds you, he loves you like you're finished, like you're a finished work, like you're already restored. This, this is love. There's one other thing about love that I wanna get to tonight and then I'm gonna let y'all go and we'll finish it up next week.
Go to Mark chapter 10, verse 21. Then Jesus, looking at him, this is the rich, young ruler, loved him, and said to him, one thing you lack. Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven, and come, take up the cross and follow me. But the young man was sad at this word and went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. I want you to grab this. Jesus was asked by a young man, what good thing must I do to obtain eternal life? He said, you know, keep all of the commandments. He said, I've done that. And then the Bible says Jesus looked at him, loved him and then he said, one thing you lack. Here's why I want you to catch this, because love tells the truth even when it's uncomfortable.
Somehow, in today's society, we assume that if I say something that is disagreeable to you, I don't love you. There are people who think that if I say something biblical, I hate them. No, I love you and I love you enough to tell you the truth. And I tell you the truth in, in love. One of the side effects of love is that I gotta tell you the truth. Listen, Jesus said I love you too much to let you think one thing when this is the actual thing. So he says, you're lacking one thing. Sell all your stuff. What he was saying is a part of your heart is still committed to stuff that has no eternal value.
So why am I saying that? Because God in his love will come and deal with the thing that we're holding on to that's hindering us from full maturity. It's a side effect of his love that he deals with those places we don't wanna deal with, the things that we have an allergic reaction to but we still keep doing it. My daughter has an allergy to peanuts. Now, if I, knowing that, give her peanuts, that makes me a bad father. That shows a lack of empathy and a lack of understanding. Throat closes up, hard to breathe, but if I give her the epipen that my wife has in her purse, it'll stop the effects of the reaction to this thing, but that saved her one time. But what if I give it to her again? I gotta do the same thing over and over. It shows a lack of empathy.
Same thing for you and I. When we choose to sin, you need to know sin has side effects, too. And only the love of God, the epipen of the blood that is applied to our lives, has kept us alive through the sin. And through bad decisions. Let me help you to understand something. If I'm in relationship with you and you see me functioning in sin and don't say anything, you don't love me. Nobody's gonna clap on that. One of the side effects of love is you tell the truth.
There are men in my life that are specifically put there and they are accountability. So if they see me walking into an adulterous situation, and they see me do it and they don't say anything, you're like, yo, hey man, that's you. That's you, you know, you a grown man. I don't have nothin' to say. That's not love, because there's too much at stake. You need to put my friend, for hey, hey, wake up, boy. You've got too much at the house. You've got some kids at the house, you got a wife that loves you, you better, that's the conversation I told them they have the permission to have.
Too many of us are like, stay out of my business. Be careful. Whatever that thing is, that thing might have you held hostage. Anything that somebody can't get to, when it's in here, be careful. 'cause one of the side effects of sin is that it loves to stay hidden. When you put the light on that thing, it can't stay long. Jesus is coming. He is the light of the world. He wants to shine on those areas, but here's the thing about Jesus. He loves you so much, he'll deal with you one-on-one. He won't expose you to the crowd. I got a problem with certain churches that wanna highlight certain sins and call out certain sins. Just call out all of 'em 'cause we all in here. We all are whatever's in here, that's what we do. So don't just call out one or two and don't call out mine before you call out yours.
One of the side effects of those who have hidden sin is they are real quick to judge other people. I'm gonna let y'all go and y'all are gonna have to come back next week to get the rest. And don't be trying to scooch out, we gonna pray. I see you're already trying to slide out. Write these down, real quick, put 'em in your phone. Just a couple things. There are a couple side effects to real love. Real love I'm searching for real love I knew y'all wasn't safe. All y'all know that song. You sittin' up there singing all these church songs, y'all. Wait 'till next week, oo, oo. I ain't sayin' nothin'. Some of the side effects of love that you're gonna have to deal with this week.
Number one, you gonna have to forgive those people who have a high likelihood of offending you again. This week, you're gonna be challenged in that area. God's gonna say if you love 'em, you're gonna have to forgive 'em. Why, that don't make no sense. 'cause I forgave you every time you did something. Number two, another side effect you're gonna have to deal with in the next seven days, you're gonna have to serve those who are ungrateful. It's hard, ain't it? You're like, did you see what I just did for you? It's hard when people who couldn't do it on their own and you give them something and they don't even say thank you. It just gets in here like what?
I wonder how God feels. Cause some of us didn't tell him thank you for waking us up this morning. Some of us didn't thank him for keeping us from the car accident. Some of us didn't thank him.... I feel God in here. Here's another side effect of love you're gonna have to encounter in the next seven days. You're gonna have to pray for people who don't like you. Lord, bless such and such. Oh, bless her, Jesus. Mmm. Help her, Lord. You better help her, 'cause if you don't, I will. Love has side effects, why? Because the Bible says that Jesus, seated at the right hand of the Father, interceding on our behalf. You think you can just send 'em to the Father, give 'em another car. Bless 'em with another house. Give her some new hair. Her edges are a little frayed: bless her. No, he's interceding.
When you intercede, that means you stand between. And what happens is God, is saying, based on your activity, judgment should come. Jesus intercedes and steps in and says, but Father, I was in all points tempted, yet I was without sin, so I understand where they are. And they are not mature yet, and they are not where I am. Just allow the Holy Spirit to continue working in them and so, Jesus stops the punishment that we should get. So he had to pray for us when we weren't serving him. In other words, he was praying for us when we were not like him. So you gotta pray for people who you don't like.
It's real quiet in here Jesus real quiet in here here's another thing and it, this is gonna be tough. You're gonna, this week, you're gonna have to give form your substance not your overflow. It's one thing if you've got five cans of greens and somebody wants a can of greens. You still have 80% of your greens. But when you have one can and they need some of your greens, you're going to have to give from that place because it's teaching you that sometimes love is not about overflow. Sometimes you gotta love and give what you need yourself, trusting that God will get it back to you before you need it.
Am I talkin' to anybody in here? Single mother in here, quarter tank of gas, where you at? Quarter tank. Is that you? Come here. Come on, hurry up. Come on here. Give this to her, Jesse. It ain't much but it's whatever I have left. Give that to her, too. From mama Dodie, then that's your groceries right there. You got gas and groceries right there. Now, you got two cards: take one and then find somebody else to give one to right in here before you go. There, look at that. Right there, right there, in your row, five. Look at that.
See, this is what I'm talkin' about. As soon as you get it, she gave half away, but she still has enough for what she needs. I need somebody to give God a praise in here. Woo! Let me pray for you. Because the ultimate side effect of love is that you are affected by other people's pain, sensitive to other people's needs, and you are in tune with the wounds of those who can't even articulate it. This week, ask the Holy Spirit to show you the silent pain of those who are around you, that you can speak to it because they can't even talk to you, they're in so much pain. Ask the Lord. Let me feel the wounds of my brothers and sisters. It's a side effect of love that you care.