John Gray - (Un)Civil War
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Can you all do me a favor? Would you stand for the reading of God’s Word? Hallelujah, Jesus! I’m in the Book of Romans, chapter 7. If you will stand for the reading of God’s Word- how are you doing, buddy? Do you have your microphone today? I’m so proud of you! What’s his name? Josiah. How old is Josiah? He’s five. Josiah was eight years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem for 31 years. He did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, and he walked in the ways of his father David, not turning aside to the right or to the left. In the eighth year of his reign, while he was still young, he began to seek the God of his father David. So by the time he was 16, he was serious about the things of God.
Manhood is not about age; it’s about maturity because you can be a 16-year- old man and a 75-year-old boy. I’m proud of you, Josiah. Pastor Uncle loves you; he always has his mic. He preaches with me every week. He’s 5 years old, and he’s serious. Aiden, he’s another worshipper. Where is Aiden? Where’s the boy? I see you, man. I’m speaking life into this next generation because I see now more than ever how quickly Jesus is going to return. I said Jesus is coming back very soon, and so I want to encourage you. Today is going to be a message. I did not vet this message with anyone; this is from the Holy Spirit, and I’m going to need you to pray. I’m going to need the intercessors to pray because I’m not sure how this one’s going to go, but I’ve got to preach it like he gave it so that truth can be released.
Oh God, I bless you. Romans chapter 7. To all of our visitors, I’m grateful again that you are here. One visitor, uh, remain seated. I went right over to her, shook her hand. She said, «I did not stand up.» I said, «I know, but I see you, and we’re glad that you’re here.» Before I preach and before I bring you this word, Dante, whatever that is you’re playing is taking me right into the Holy Ghost. I hope your food is good this week. I hope that your turkey is not dry. I hope that the gravy is just because you want gravy, not because you need gravy. Amma, if you don’t know how to make greens, come off the stove! Come out of the kitchen! If you don’t have this here, come out of the kitchen! We don’t want no vegan green beans! I don’t want parsnips! I want candied yams-5 lb bag of sugar, white sugar, white sugar-not brown. And I want red Kool-Aid, not cherry! Red is a flavor. My God, I want your ham to be Honey Baked with some Hawaiian sweet rolls. People are about to start shouting, «Thank you, Lord! Thank you!» It’s a word, I receive it clearly. You receive it; you’ve been receiving it.
Romans chapter 7. Man, I missed y’all! Y’all don’t miss me; whatever. I missed y’all, man. Last week, Romans 7:14: For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand; for what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If then I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. We have not been telling people who come to church the truth about sin and about the battle and about the law of sin and how many of the things that the enemy tells you to kill yourself over were not your fault. It came from somewhere else. You got it honestly from your bloodline; you got it from Dad, you got it from Mom, you got it from Granddad and great granddad. Trying to help somebody in here, you didn’t make yourself, but you are now responsible.
Ah, for I know that in me-that is, in my flesh-nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good, I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Wait a minute-practice? Do any of you all have children that are on sports teams? Let me see your hands. Have you ever been on a team? Let me see your hands. You couldn’t get on the field unless you practiced. Practice means you run that play over and over again until you get the desired conclusion. What the writer Paul is saying is, I practiced sin, that means I got good at it. I know you don’t want to be honest in here because you just finished shouting and speaking in tongues, but before you were filled with the Holy Ghost, you were real good at sin. Did anybody else other than me have practice in that thing? No judgment. I’m tired of the church being the place of judgment. It is the Holy Spirit that convicts you; it is our job to present the word as the preachers of the word. But no individual can make you change; only the Holy Spirit and the word of God can effectuate change in the lives of people.
I find then a law that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. I want to do good, but there is a law trying to help somebody. Y’all still standing? Therefore I delight in the law of God according to the inward man; but I see another law in my members. The songwriter said, «My mind is telling me no, but my body, my body telling me yes.» I don’t want to hurt nobody, but there’s something that I must confess-that there is a law in my members warring against the law of my mind and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. Oh, wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God. Before you have a Thanksgiving meal, you need to thank God. Before you pick up a fork, you ought to thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then, with the mind, I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
Hands lifted. Father, oh, sometimes that thing is deep down in your soul. I want to break free, but I’m bound to it. Feel the chains over me. Be there since I was a little boy. Who can free me? Does anyone see me? These folk, they want to be me, but I can’t even see me. I’ll be crying at night, waiting on the Lord to come and see about my soul. I wonder when the Lord will come and make me whole. What do you want from me, Jesus? What is it you’re after? Pain is my story, but love is my chapter. So, Father, seal this word in Jesus' name. The title of this message is «The Uncivil War.» You may be seated.
Pray for me, Ma; I’m going to have to say some things. Help me, Lord Jesus! Ah, God! Sir, need to ask you a question: Do you guys have an appetite today for truth, or do you want church? Are you sure? You know there were people who said they wanted truth too, and then truth showed up in the form of a man named Jesus. The truth that he spoke was so offensive to the people who said they wanted truth that they killed him. We find it today happening in buildings all across this planet where people say they want truth, but they don’t want truth. They want a truth that is digestible; they want it chewable. They want a children’s vitamin; they don’t want the meat of the word. Because when you really get into this word, you can’t run from the fact that the word of God is not playing with people today. He wants it all, and he wants it now, and he’s worthy of a full-hearted commitment. But the reality is, the church has been lying to you and me for many years. We have sold you a bill of goods about some type of surface transaction. Somehow when you tithe, it’s like a lottery ticket, and it’s a scratch-off. Church is a scratch-off, and you’re waiting for your day, your moment to get your blessing. But that is not what he promised. He did not promise that everyone would be rich. He did not promise that everyone would have a brand new house and a brand new car every year. What he promised is that he would take care of your needs according to his riches in glory.
So some of us are mad that God didn’t answer prayers that he never agreed to answer. It’s not in the word, and if it’s not in the word, you should not desire it, nor should you expect it. Boy, it’s quiet in here already. I ain’t even really got to what I was here to say, but I’d like to have a conversation with you, and I hope that you will allow me because after everything that has happened in our country over the last few weeks, now that your preferred idol has either ascended to the presidency or lost the election, now you are left with the reality of what I said two weeks ago: «In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw also the Lord.» So when there is a shift in leadership, when there is transition, do you see also the Lord? Because human leadership will fade; it will pass, but the throne of God is still occupied, and the train of his robe has filled the temple.
I recently had a conversation with a number of extremely successful men, and we were spending some time in prayer, the three of us. The one thing that we all had in common-I’m talking about titans in their respective industries; they are at the top of the food chain. We were praying, and none of us had a father. Our fathers were not in our lives. What I’m about to say to you today is a direct result of a question that was asked to me by one of those men. He said to me, «John, how are you doing?» For some reason, I decided not to lie and give the church answer, which is, «I’m blessed.» Oh man, you know, because when you go to church, you start using church words all the time. But church words aren’t the reality of what you really live day in and day out. Today I want to give you permission to be who you actually are, not who you think people want you to be.
Rico, this is what I said. He asked me how I was doing, and I said, «Honestly, I’m trying to figure out how to raise a son when I’m still waiting on my dad to come pick me up from school. I’m 51, and I’m still waiting on my dad to come pick me up from school. My son sleeps down the hall, and he needs me to help him figure out life, and I’m still waiting on my dad.» And he’s got a dad, and I’m in the house, and he’s waiting on me. I tried to figure out where that pain came from because that thing is still there. There’s an emptiness that comes with not having had that tethering to a father because it is the intention of Heaven to have the husband and the wife and the children. That’s God’s intention; that’s his design. I know we live in a postmodern society that tells us that men are not optional. You might want to go ahead and lay that down; that’s a devil; it didn’t come from God. Men are not optional. Everybody does not have toxic masculinity; some of us are just God- made men. I’m tired of having to apologize for the things that I like and the way God made me.
Where are the men in the room? Will the men stand up? Will the men of God, with your drink in your hand, where are the men? Hit the daggone altar! I need some men in here! Ladies, y’all don’t know how hard it is for men to get up when society tells you, «We don’t need you! I’ll take your seed, and I’ll have the baby myself. I don’t need no man!» That is a devil. That is not God’s intent. Stop tearing men down. The reason why men are dying at suicide extinction-level rates is because the enemy hates the fact that we look like God. We were the original created image of God. He created us in his image, and every time Satan sees a man of God in position, he does whatever he can to get us out of position. Sometimes he’ll use your history, your legacy, or your appetites, but I’m tired of fighting a battle by myself because I’m not sure if church folk will allow me to be human.
Do you want truth, or do you want church? Truth- church has become a circus of carnal expression. The beat sounds good, but nobody’s consecrated. The preachers have on vestments, but they’re not anointed. That’s why when Pastor Glenn stands up, the moment she stands up, the anointing is released before she opens her mouth. Because it’s not a gift; it’s her. She doesn’t pray in the parking lot; her lifestyle is prayer. In this season, God wants to give you discernment between surface showmanship and the true anointing that breaks and destroys the yoke. Do I have to play the game every Sunday? What if I’m not having a good day? What if I didn’t have a good week? What if me and Aventer were arguing? What if we’re mad at each other? Do I still have to come up here and fake it and hold her hand and smile and do the dance and do the game because that’s what you expect? And if I smile good, and if I have on the right suit, maybe you’ll give more money. I’m tired of that. Church is not about a transaction; it’s not a business; it’s not about money; it’s not about fame; it’s not about popularity. Church is about Jesus Christ: the salvation of the soul, freedom from sin, being filled with the Holy Ghost. Repent and turn from your wicked ways for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand.
But what if nobody wants to hear my truth? Because my truth is inconvenient to the lie you’re living. When do I get to be human? When do I get to partake in the same grace that I preach to you? I fought for everybody to go to heaven, and the moment I started finding myself fighting demons, I didn’t know were there. People were ready to throw me to hell, but I held the door open for you to get in. You can’t come back and hold the door for me. I fought for you. Can somebody fight for me? Church is not supposed to be a place where the broken have to hide the truth of their condition. I should be able to come in here and say, «I’m not okay today! I’m in pain! I drank myself to sleep! I smoked myself to sleep! I slept with someone to ease the pain. It wasn’t the sex I wanted; I wanted to feel safe.» But if you tell people that, «Oh, you were this; you were that,» because we say that we want truth, but that’s not true. We want surface expressions to get out of here on time so we could go watch our football game and check Jesus off the box. Yeah, I went to see him. No, you didn’t go see him; you went to see a fake vision of Jesus that allows you to live how you want to live when the word tells you how you should live. But you don’t want that word; you want a preacher that’ll tell you how you living is okay. I’m not that dude.
And you know why I’m not that dude? Because I tried to live any kind of way, and you can’t live how you want and call yourself a Christian. You can’t do what you want and call yourself a believer. You can’t say what you want and treat people like you want and call yourself a believer. You can’t do it! Everybody wants to send people to hell over behavior, but your behavior ain’t the issue. What you drinking, what you smoking, what you shooting up, who you sleeping with, that’s not the issue. The issue is the state of your soul. I don’t care what you’re doing; I want to know why you’re doing it. How did you get there? Don’t you dare send another person to hell before you ask them, «What’s your story?» Jesus could have sent the woman at the well away. He could have been like, «You’ve been sleeping around! You’re living in sin with somebody right now? Married five times? Don’t make no sense!» That ain’t what he said. He said, «Give me some water,» because he knew it would spark a conversation that would lead to revelation. The Bible says, «It was with loving kindness that I drew you.» But now you think hate and shame is going to make somebody get saved? Are you crazy? At what point will the church become the church?
Well, I don’t know, but I know this one’s going to become it today. The uncivil war! I’m going to ask you a question: What do you have an appetite for? What do you like? What are the things that you like that are opposite of the word? Don’t tell me; just get them in your head. Let me ask you this: Do you have to teach a child to be good or to be bad? You have to teach them to be good because little babies, they’re bad! I love your son; he’s bad! You ain’t never seen no baby with a toy and see another kid talking about, «Yours!» He’ll take their toy, and the kid’s mine! Inherently selfish! That’s in you, as a baby! It’s in you! Tell somebody it’s in you! I’m so tired of us walking around like you were always good. No, you were a mess. So was I; all of us were, and some of us still are, and it’s okay because we’re not here to judge. If you’re in here, it’s because you need the same blood I need! Somebody give God an 8-second praise break for the blood! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
I’m in a moment where I have to be honest with you because church doesn’t let you get honest. People said that to Jesus, then he started really getting into truth. They were like, «Well, it’s my time to go,» and he looked at his disciples. He said, «Y’all leaving too?» Because when you really start teaching truth, boy, they leave! They empty out of there! They go down the street wherever I can go to stay who I am. But there is a remnant- oh yashi! There’s a remnant of people that are saying, «God, I know I’ve got some stuff I need to deal with, and I don’t have the strength or the ability to get it on my own. I need you to help me, and I need you to help me right now!» Am I the only one in here that I bump all of the regular church stuff? I need some folk in here today. Pastor Mike, I’m going to need you to pray for me. I think about my own life. I’m not here to pick or judge or point a finger at anybody else. I’m pointing at me.
I read the scripture in Romans chapter 7. Papa, Papa Johnny, it’s Paul, the Apostle Paul, sir. Y’all know Paul? You know Paul? Paul! Who was Paul? Paul who used to be Saul. Saul who, when they were killing Stephen the martyr, they laid their cloaks at the feet of Saul because Saul wasn’t an accomplice to murder. He would have gone to prison for being an accomplice to murder. He actually had Christians killed. The Bible says he would breathe threats. He despised what was then called the followers of the way. That’s what the church, as we now know it, was called. They were first called Christians at Antioch. Get your history! Before that, we were the followers of the way-capital W! Why? 'Cause he’s the way, the truth, and I wish I had a church! I think I got one in here! We are followers of the way. It’s not a way; it’s the way, and the way is a man, and that man is Jesus Christ. Is there anybody who’s still following Jesus?
Well, if you’re following Jesus, then you won’t be following trends. If you’re following Jesus, you won’t be trying to go viral. If you’re following Jesus, you won’t care about fame or money or what people think you have. When you really start following Jesus, the only thing that matters is Jesus! It’s a deeply uncomfortable place when you realize that many of the things you’ve gone after weren’t worthy of your time. Ma’am, he was not worthy of your time. Sir, he was not worthy of your time. I said what I said, ma’am! She was not worthy of your time. She don’t love you like she says she does. She only loves you based on what she can get from you. But the moment you begin to grow, she’s going to treat you like that spirit that’s on her really wants to. But as long as you’re in agreement with her flesh, she’s going to act like she loves you. The moment you get in line with that word, that spirit’s going to raise up, and you’re going to realize, «That’s a Jezebel! You don’t love me! You don’t love me at all! You love what I can do for you, but you don’t love me!»
It’s real quiet on this side. I done messed up a couple relationships! Church has lied to us and told us that if you tithe enough, if you do enough, somehow you will be accepted. When the truth is, the homeless man under the bridge has the exact same access to God that you do! I need some help in here! There is no big me and little you! I don’t get to look down on you because you struggle with something different from me! I don’t get to send you to a hell that I would bust wide open if you knew the truth of my condition! We all need to be at the altar! We all need to be on our face! We all need to be saying, «Lord, forgive me! Lord, free me! Lord, deliver me! Lord, help!» I am fighting in this moment. Man, pray for your brother!
Tell it how God told me to say it! Don’t worry about it! Thank you, thank you, sis! Today is one of them. I need a couple of… you say it! I need that! Y’all don’t know how much it means to see those men standing there for a man that’s always felt alone-to know I got some men of God just like me! Who gon' say something about my pastor? You don’t know what that means. I want to be honest. Elder Newkirk, I’ve been carrying a lot of pain this year -a lot of pain turned into bitterness. There are a lot of people that I opened doors for that wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire. I don’t get that! People that I’ve given global platforms to in multiple industries, and then all of a sudden, I can’t hear from them. I said, «Lord, why?» He said, «I had to show you who everybody is!»
Some of y’all been sad because some people turned out to be not what you thought. You ought to clap right now 'cause God loved you too much to let you live with a bunch of fakers that don’t really have your heart! Somebody in the balcony ought to thank God for that! AB, I gotta talk so some people can be free. I hope you don’t mind. I find a law, Joel, in my members that what I will to do, I can’t do; what I don’t want to do, that I do. How did I end up in here? How did I end up in this place? How did I end up looking at somebody that’s not AV? How am I on the phone with someone that’s not…? How did I end up here? What happened to me? I grew up saved, filled with the Holy Ghost. My mother lived holy! How did I end up sinning against my own moral code? How did I end up in bars? How did I end up doing stupid stuff, getting free, and then going back and doing some of the same more stupid stuff? How did I end up breaking her heart over and over again? Why am I doing this stuff? But I love God, but I can’t get free from this thing!
That which I will to do, I can’t do, and that which I don’t want to do, that I do. And I still got to preach for other people to get free while I feel like I’m going straight to hell, living in a prison of my own making! Can’t tell nobody I’m struggling because they’re going to laugh and judge me, and all of the preachers that I open doors for who secretly hate me because I had too many places of favor now rejoice at what they think is my demise. But what they don’t know is that there is always resurrection after death! Praise break! I struggle, bro, with the same people that don’t want to speak to me, and I know all your stuff! But God won’t let me speak on nobody else! I got my own soul to worry about, but a reckoning is coming! All of the ones that secretly were happy and what they thought was my demise was not my demise! It was God saying, «I love you too much to let you die in generational bondage! So I’m going to pull this thing out, and I’m going to show you what it is, and either you will give it to me or nothing moves!»
I need you to look at three people, and I need you to look with everything in you and tell them, «You got a decision to make!» Put it in the chat feed! Put it in the chat feed! You got a decision to make! Uh-oh, something’s happening! Jolie, I said you got a decision to make! I had to be in the presence of people, and I know what they said about me, and I still had to hug him and smile. You ever had to do that? I’m just getting you ready for Thursday 'cause you’re going to be in the face of some people that’s been texting about you, and you can’t say nothing! Don’t cuss them out! Don’t do it! «Would you like another piece of pie? I’m going to serve you while you curse me! You want some more ham? Let me put another roll on your plate!» Because no matter what you’re saying in them text feeds that I’m not in, God is still with me. God is still for me. God has not forgotten about me, and I am who God says I am!
I am the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus, and my actions and my activities do not define me! You still go to that church with that cheating pastor? You go to church with a human being! If I wasn’t preaching, I’d turn around and wave my hands because the same Jesus I preach is the same Jesus I need! That’s why you can trust me with the mic, because I’m not going to throw you away like people threw me away! And then I got to forgive the very people, people who made promises, «You’re going to start a church down the street!» God bless you! Don’t curse them! Don’t say ugly things! «Don’t talk about them!» But Lord, they’ve been going around lying! Don’t worry about it; you keep preaching!
I don’t want to preach; I want to fight! Vengeance is mine! I don’t know who this is for, but God is about to start fighting your battles! I need somebody in here to get this in your spirit. I need there to be a praise that erupts-no music! I need you to-! I said God is about to… What’d you say? What’d you say? What’d you say? God is about to fight your battles! I’m real sorry for the pain I caused you. I’m real sorry, but it was going to come out! That stuff that was in here was going to come out! I’ve been holding it back for years! Ever since that man urinated in my mouth at 4 years old, it was a spirit! I don’t care what you say! Some folks are not what you think! There was a spirit that was introduced to them, and just like any other seed, that thing grew!
And you can only fight it in your strength for so long before that thing comes knocking! «I’m coming out whether you want to deal! We’re going to deal with this! I know you’re a big-time preacher, but I’m still in here!» I fight against the nature of my flesh when my spirit knows what I should do! You want to judge me and send me to hell? Well, you’re going to have to send Paul to hell too! It’s real quiet over there! You don’t have to have grace for me, but if you read the Bible, you probably going to have to have grace for Paul! Yes, sir! Oops! All your favorite preachers-just 'cause you got a good publishing, you can write checks! That’s why we don’t know about you! I ain’t paying nobody for nothing! What if I did? Tell them, but you ain’t getting a nickel! I gotta buy food for my kids!
Lord help me! I’m sorry! I probably shouldn’t have said that! Keep going. I’m glad you said it 'cause I was. Anyway, Paul went to the third heaven! Paul-a yes sir! Saw Jesus on the throne! Paul! Paul! Shipwrecked, sir! A night and a day! Snake bitten! In prison! Paul who got a personal sermon from Jesus to convert him, and even he couldn’t get it right! So you telling me seeing Jesus face to face don’t cure your flesh? Moses saw the glory of God! Watch God use his finger to write on tablets! When he came down the mountain, his face would glow! He had to wear a veil! Moses missed the promise! You telling me face to face don’t mean… that even being face to face is not a pass? You telling me my favorite Bible leaders failed? Sir, Moses was a murderer! Paul was complicit in murder! David was a high-level, high-functioning… and his son did him better-300 wives, 700 concubines… two at a time, four times a day, all day! Had more wisdom than any man that ever lived and couldn’t get past the tail!
So don’t judge other people that can’t get past the… when the wisest man who ever lived had enough wisdom to discern between a whore’s baby and who was the mother, but still couldn’t get past his flesh! Am I giving you a license to sin? Absolutely not! I’m talking about the truth that the church doesn’t ever talk about, which is everybody in here is in the same boat! And we better all be running towards the cross! I said we better all be running towards the-we better all be running towards the cross! This time last year, I was in the desert, and I’d ask God every night to not let me live! Please kill me! Because you didn’t free me-I’ve been asking you to free me since I was a little boy! I asked you to take this thing! Take this lust! Take this stuff! Take it away from me! Why haven’t you? That’s a good prayer!
Anybody else ever prayed a good prayer but didn’t get an answer? Doesn’t it make you mad at God? «I asked you to take this away! You didn’t take it away!» So when she came over, what was I supposed to do? Some of y’all are scared to laugh -it’s funny 'cause it’s true! Some of the women, «Lord, I love you! You my boyfriend!» No he ain’t, 'cause that’s not who was in that bed last night! The Lord did not turn you over-that was somebody else that did that! We get real uncomfortable with truth because church has never let you tell the truth!
«God, why didn’t you?» «My grace is sufficient!» No, I don’t want your grace! «I want freedom!» Your freedom is only found in me! «No, deliver me!» My sister got a song, «Deliver me, 'cause all I seem to do is hurt me! Hurt me, Lord! Deliver me!» And the Lord’s like, «No!» What do you mean, «No»? Because if I delivered you, then you would think you were good! When I work through you, you’ll say it was your power! But if I allow this to remain and you’ve got to bring this to me every day, it’s going to keep you humble where I need you! I need everybody in here who’s got something still there that God did not take away; you need to thank him because he left it there so you could bring it to him every day so you could stay low to the ground!
Find seven people, get loud, tell them, «Stay low!» I said seven people! That’s three-get it in the chat feed! Type «stay low»! Don’t walk around here like you better than anybody! You better stay low! Am I the only one? I love y’all! You hear me? I will kill a dead dog for y’all! Is there anybody other than me that has to battle between your flesh and your spirit? B, we’ve been praying for you, man, 'cause I know what those battles are like! Nobody understands! We be ready to throw… I’m not throwing anybody away! That’s why the streets rock with your boy, 'cause even the streets have a code! If one of my guys goes down, I’m going to get him!
Do you have any evidence-any information on…? I don’t know what you talking about! I’m not going to help you with your investigation! I won’t hinder it, but I won’t help it! What if the church did that for each other? There would be no bloggers! If y’all had no appetite, they only exist 'cause you like train wrecks! And the reason you like train wrecks is 'cause you know your life is a train wreck, but as long as you can see a bigger train wreck, it makes your train wreck look less train-wrecky! I need somebody to go «choo-choo!»
Can I finish up? Can I talk like I need to? We’re leaving an hour early! They so happy! They like, «Whatever you went to last week, go back again!» Joel, your book talked about mental health! The church doesn’t talk about mental health! This time last year, my wife had to hold it down while I was facing every demon that I had never faced! All the demons that I had the whole time that I was ascending to the highest levels of Christian entertainment industrial complex while I’m making millions for people who never checked on my soul! Didn’t ask how I was as a man! Didn’t ask, «How’s your marriage?»
I don’t know how to be married! I don’t know what a man is! Have you seen the men in my family? Have you seen my uncles? Have you seen… If you’ve seen my dad, by the way, if you see him, let me know, 'cause I’m still looking for him! So you isolate! And when you isolate, that’s when the devil gets you! 'Cause the Bible says confess your sins one to another, and he’s faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you! Sometimes you’re praying to God; God says, «Stop talking to me! Go talk to your brother! Go talk to your sister! Tell them what you going through!»
What’s the scripture you said, Jolie? James 5: 16! It says confess, pray for each other so that you may be healed! So my healing doesn’t come from me sitting in a room crying and angry and arguing with God about why he didn’t deliver me! My healing comes-Lawrence, I’m struggling today! I’m struggling right now; will you pray for me? Because, matter of fact, Lawrence, didn’t I just text you before I got up? Didn’t I? I said, «I need you today!» See, because when you really going into battle, I don’t need novices! If you’ve never been in a battle, I just need you to sit on the sidelines and see how warfare works! But there are some people in here who' ve been through some battles, and you got some history with God!
Where are my people who are battle-tested? You didn’t get where you got by yourself; God had to do that! Tell somebody, «I’m God!» God made! Put it in the chat feed! God did this! I need somebody to say to high five three people, low five! Tell them, «God did this!» You didn’t get where you got on your own! High five three people or the same person three times! God did this! Obedience! God! God did this!
I’m not good! It’s just God! I’m not perfect; it’s just God! I didn’t make me; God did this! I didn’t that business you see? God did that! That open door? God did that! That movie? God did that! That book? God did that! That job? God did that! That elevation? God did that! Well, somebody shout, «God did that!» I sat out there! That’s right! God did that! Whoop him! He too loud! Don’t whoop him! I was in the desert! My wife was holding the church down! I was out in the desert hoping to die in the dirt next to the scorpions in the miscellaneous cacti! God never answered my prayer! What I found out about myself is I’m a fighter! Deep calls unto deep! I got a church full of fighters! That’s why you’re in here! No matter what the devil hit you with, you still got up!
Is that all you got, fool? I’m still going to pray! I’m still going to praise! I’m still going to serve! I’m still going to tithe! I’m still going to show up! I’ll be at her story on Friday and church on Sunday! I’mma still be at the Men’s breakfast! Do you hear what I’m saying? Where are my fighters at? Let me tell you something-I watch Mike Tyson and Jake Paul! They was like, «It was…» Frig! That’s crazy! He’s 60, that man is 30! That man knew not to get in there with 27-year- old Mike! Some devils wait until they think you’re too old! But I’m here to tell you there’s a fighter in you that them devils did not anticipate, and it’s rising up out of you right now! And you know how that thing got strong? Because you’ve been fighting! Today I’m here to celebrate every fighter! Every time you failed but you got up, I’m clapping for you! I’m proud of you, man of God! I love you, man! I’m proud of you!
Tell somebody, «I’m proud of you!» Keep clapping! Tell them, «I’m proud of you!» You fought! Celebrate the fighters! I might have got punched in the face, but I kept fighting! Depression came and sat on my shoulders, but I kept fighting! I felt like wanting to end my life, but I shook that stuff off, and I kept fighting! I threw up one hand! I couldn’t throw up both, but I threw up one! And it was hard to throw up that one 'cause I’m still hurting! But if I’m hurting, I’m still praising! Even if I don’t understand, I’m mad at you, God, but you’re still God, and so I’mma wave my hand! Am I talking to anybody? I want to let you know there’s a battle between the will of your flesh and the will of your spirit! And as long as you’re fighting, you’re still on good ground! You should worry when you stop fighting!
I want to shout out every man that battles with pornography! I want to celebrate you! Every woman that struggles with pornography-y’all act like this men-the fastest-growing people who are addicted to porn are women! Fake intimacy because the church has not built up enough men to be coverings. Maybe if men were more chivalrous, get their women roses, she wouldn’t need a rose! This water is good! Vos refreshing! Vos? What? Tell you what’s funny! My mom’s like, «What rose?» Somebody call you later! Mama, can I round third and head for home? I don’t ever want to pastor another Sunday without you knowing that no matter how you walk in here, you are loved first!
I only want to see one hand from everybody who’s still battling something that they have not gotten free from-at least one thing. I want you to look around the room! So we’re in good company! The hands that are lifted are not for judgment; it’s for encouragement! I talked to one of my homeboys. I asked him about his mentor-he had been mentored by this particular individual for over 25 years, and his mentor had some challenges. I asked this brother, I said, «Yo, what’s up with you and such and such?» He said, «I haven’t talked to him since you know he had his challenges and his struggles.» And he said, «I don’t have a problem with a man struggling, but I’ve been talking to you for 25 years, and you never told me, 'Me too! '»
You got all the word, but that’s not what was going to free me! What was going to free me is that I’m looking up to you, and you struggle too! I need to know that you got a pastor that struggles too, but I’m fighting every day, and I don’t have nobody in my life that’s cool with sin! So I’m in good company! So if you want to fight, fight like this! Fight with some praise, then fight with some prayer, and then fight with some people! Praise is, «God, I’m blessing you even though I don’t have the answer to everything that I want!» I praise you! Then the prayer is, «God, give me the grace to still be available and used by you even in the midst of my extreme frailties!» And then third is people-that means let me find some men I can be accountable to, that I can’t lie to! Even if I tell you I’m good, you’re like, «No! Cuz you lying! No, Negro, you ain’t telling the truth! What’s really going on?» You need some people in your life you cannot lie to! Just 'cause you got that gum, I know you’ve been drinking Tito’s. I know it! That gum don’t hide that!
Just 'cause you got it in a water bottle, I know it’s funny-Voss! No! Pastor, it’s Voss! No, it’s not; it’s handcrafted! It’s reposado! Everyone is standing! Make room! Y’all stay right there, y’all stay right there! All you men, and I want you to turn that way! All the men that are here, turn that way! Stretch your hands out 'cause it’s going to be some more that are going to join us today! This altar is about to be open for anybody! Number one, for those who want to join this church, you come right here! Those who want to get saved, you come right here! And then those who just need to get free or want to get delivered, then y’all just come down and bow the knee! But if you want to be here today, come right here!
Come on, young man! Stand with him! Hug him! I need y’all to clap! And nobody’s leaving 'cause we normally haven’t even done offering by this time! So ain’t no reason for you to leave! All this stuff, they’re going to stand right here! Don’t do nothing! Stand right here! Stand right there on the other side of this table! This time last year, and y’all are still walking! Look at this! Pastor Lois, scoot them down to the middle right here! Right there! There’s a deliverance in the house today! Now I need the men here to scoop back towards the speakers because we’re going to open up the sides of the altar for anybody that wants to come and bow your knee and say, «God deliver me!» If there’s anything that’s not like you, take it out! You need to move today! You need to do business with the King! God, whatever it is in me that’s not like you, come get it! Scoot back! Let them come to the altar! Some of y’all that’s up there, my guy in the hoodie, talk to the people up in the balcony, my man! Tell them, «If y’all need to come down, I’ll go with you!»
Tell your son, tell your daughter! Listen, if you need to rock, I’ll go with you! Ask the person next to you, «Do you want to go down there?» And you scared? Ain’t nobody scared in here! Stay right there! Yes, I want you to stay right there! 'Cause I’m getting ready to say something! That’s right! That’s alright! And if more people cried like that, you wouldn’t be carrying so much pain at the house today! Your tears are safe! If there are more people that need to come to the altar, let them over! Let them over, Evan! Let scoot over! Let them in! Tell them, «Come on!» People who want to bow, if you want to bow at your seat, turn around and use your seat cushion as a prayer cushion! I need elders to get some oil on your hands! I want you to start laying hands! No one leaving! We’ll be leaving together in just a moment! Just stay there for one second! No music, no music! Just for a moment, Dante!
There are people in this room that have been carrying pain for years that does not belong to you! And Jesus says, «Give it to me!» This time last year, I was in the desert trying to die, hoping not to wake up, not realizing that my kids wouldn’t have made it! My little son, I know he wouldn’t have been able to do-I thought you would be okay! That’s how off I was! That’s how broken I was! She’ll move on; she’ll be alright! The enemy will lie to you and make you think that you’re not welcome in your own house! I’m not the only man that’s felt that way! Where are the other men in this room? I wonder if there are any man in this room that ever cried before you went into your house? Cried in the car like, «Damn! I can’t get free! Man, I don’t know what to do when I walk in here!» And everybody’s pulling on you, and you ain’t got nobody to pull on! I know what it’s like, so ain’t no judgment here! It’s just love! I’m fighting with you! I’m fighting with you!
There are people at the altar crying, «Help me! Help me, Lord! Please help me! Help me!» Maybe you didn’t get to the altar, but you need to do it! Matter of fact, if that’s you, then bow your knee, turn around, and get on your face! This is between you and God! There is a war inside of every human being between the will of God and the will of your flesh! Today I want you to pick up the sword of the Spirit, and I want you to cut at the very heart of your flesh and tell that flesh, «You’re not going to win today!» And here’s why I said today! I didn’t say forever!
And here’s why — 'cause tomorrow when I wake up, I’mma still be here! You can’t get delivered from yourself because you are you! If you win that battle today, you’re going to have to fight tomorrow! And some folk need to cry like that 'cause some folk been holding on to stuff for years! And God’s saying, «I give it to me! Give me that pain! Give me those tears! Give me that cry! Give me that scream!» I don’t want cute church! I want the altar! It’s a place of blood and discomfort! This is a place for you to do business with God! «I’m mad at you God! I’m hurt today!» God, help me! Man, if you have the ability to lift a hand or both hands! Not at the altar! You stay doing business with God!
God, I’m praying for everyone who’s still in the audience and online who wants to get to the altar but something has caused them in fear to stay in their seat! Or maybe they’re just not comfortable with crowds! I respect that! But I believe there are three or four people that are in chairs that need to move to the altar because as you move, something’s going to fall off of you! I’m asking for you to take that chance! If you know that’s you and you say it in yourself, «You say, God, if he says it one more time, I’m going to the altar!» Or I’m going down there! I don’t even know what I need! But I know if that’s you, make your way down here! I believe there are three or four people that need to move towards the altar!
I ask you to stand on that side on the other side of this table because this table represents the world! We were worlds apart! I have lived in isolation! It was my blanket! Shame was my pillow! And I woke up hopeless, and I lived that way! And I’m sorry for the unattended issues of my manhood and how they affected you! I’m not saying this because it’s a crowd; I’m saying it because it’s time! I want everything God wants for you! And I thank you for being a Proverbs 31 woman! And to any men in this room that need to speak some words of life to your bride, do it!
And I got one other thing to say, and I don’t want to say it, but I have to! You’re going to have to forgive some people for you to get free! There’s some people you going to have to forgive! And I don’t want to! The Lord told me some names. I said, «I’m not calling! I’m not!» And he said, «Well, if you don’t call them, then I can’t forgive you!» I was like, «No! They hurt me! They lied on me! I know what they said!»
You ain’t going to do nothing! You just going to let them sit up in here and live? I need you to know God’s not killing the people you don’t like! He going to make you forgive them! Jesus said forgive them; they know not what they do, and he meant it! Stephen, while they were killing him, he said, «Father, don’t count this sin against them!» While they’re actively killing him! You know what type of human being you got to be to have that kind of grace? Freedom for everybody at this altar! I said freedom! For the first time, for some of you! True freedom! And grace for your issues! Stop crucifying yourself on a cross Jesus already died on! There’s enough blood for you!
For everybody that smiled in my face, but whispered, «I forgive you! I release you and hold you harmless!» You got to forgive your father for not being there! You got to forgive your abuser! You got to forgive the person that’s sexually abused you! You got to forgive them! You got to forgive your mother for telling you you weren’t going to be anything! You got to forgive your father for being absent! You got to-you got to forgive them! You got to let it go! You got to! You got a whole life to live!
Jesus, for everybody in this church today that needed freedom! If you needed freedom from something today and this word helped you, lift your hand! This is why I fought till 2:30 in the morning! About 2:00, I got so sick, and I knew I was right where I needed to be! I love y’all! I would lay down my life for anybody in this room or online! I never felt worthy to stand here, but I feel worthy today! I am the pastor of Love Story Church! This is my church, and we ain’t going nowhere! Who’s joining our church today? What’s your name? King Nolan, man of God! I’m glad you’re here!
Hey, baby! How are you? What’s your name? Hi, Gianna! You want to come up here? You want to stand? Come on, you come right here! Come here pretty girl! Come on, GG! Come on, sweet girl! There we go! If you’re joining the church, let me see your hands! Hey baby, how are you? How are you? I’m going to pray, and I want you all to pray this prayer with me!
I like your locks. Lord Jesus! Lord Jesus, it’s me! It’s me! I confess with my mouth! Confess with my mouth! And believe in my heart! My heart! That Jesus is Lord! Jesus is Lord! Thank you for the blood! Blood that was shed for me! I receive! I receive! The free gift of salvation! Free gift of salvation! Not through my works! Not through my works! The finished work of the cross! Work of the cross! The blood is enough! Blood is enough! To pay for my sins! For my now! Holy Spirit! Now! Holy Spirit! Come live inside! Come live inside!
And teach me! Teach me how to be more like Jesus! Be more like Jesus! Each and every day! Each and every day! You are my savior and my Lord! In Jesus' name! In Jesus' name! Amen! Welcome home! Welcome home!
I don’t want anybody leaving! We’re going to pray for those who are at the altar. If you want to stay at the altar, you are welcome to, but those who joined-who’s come up-stand up! Come up here! Elder Newkirk, come on up here! This is Elder Newkirk! Do I know you? Didn’t we go to school together? Oh my God! We went to school together! Didn’t you graduate in'91 with me? You know how hard it was for me to catch two buses to go to school? Walk up Madison Road past L Ro’s? Not having enough money to get the pizza to eat? That piece of pizza that cost $2? That slice? And y’all voted me most likely to succeed, and 34 years later, you join my church!
Unless you’re from my hometown, you don’t understand! People don’t get free from Cincinnati! It’s a spirit! It doesn’t let you dream! It doesn’t let you become anything! This woman of God is going to take those who join-we’re going to get your information, and we’re going to follow up with you this week before Thanksgiving! I don’t want this to just be an altar for you! This needs to be a lifestyle! Like I’m changing! Like I’m locked in! I’m coming to this church next week, and I’m bringing my homegirl with me! If she still got the band from the club, bring her! If she still got the stamp, bring her! Bring your man! Bring whoever! If you live with somebody, bring him too! He’ll get saved next week! Then all of a sudden, things going to change in your house! You’re following this very amazing woman of God!
So everybody here, you’re going to follow her! While they’re walking, everybody here is going to celebrate them! Have all of your things! Follow her! Elders, help them! Elders, direct them! If you’re joining, if you’re joining, come on baby! If you’re join, Elders, I need y’all to go get them! Pastors, go get them! 'Cause these babies are joined! Walk with them! Walk with them! I was so glad to see you in the choir today! Have you? Has your life been changed today? Have you been blessed by the word today?