John Bevere - Why Can't You Stop Looking at Porn - Part 2
- Watch
- Donate
Hey everyone, welcome to Lesson Four of «Porn Free.» In our last lesson, we discussed why I can’t stop dealing with the spiritual aspect. In this lesson, we will talk about the behavioral and psychological patterns that develop and really keep us from stopping. I believe this will enlighten you as we move into the next couple of lessons. Paul makes a statement, and this serves as our foundational statement for the last lesson and this lesson: in Romans 7:21–23, he says, «I have discovered this principle of life: that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.»
Have you ever felt that way? As we saw in the last lesson, it’s because we are constrained by the word of God spiritually rather than it being our delight. The spiritual aspect is always the root; you must go to the root of a tree to destroy the fruit. I want to make this very clear: even though I’m addressing the psychological and behavioral aspects in this lesson, if you don’t deal with that root, it doesn’t matter how hard you try to manage the behavioral or psychological aspects; you won’t achieve freedom. It’s essential to understand that I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart, but there’s another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
So, what makes us slaves? Paul provides the answer in Romans 6:16–18: «Listen very carefully; don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey?» This doesn’t apply only to pornography; it applies in any area of life. You become a slave to whatever you choose to obey. You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. Thank God! Once you were slaves to sin, but now you wholeheartedly—did you hear that? —wholeheartedly obey. My friend in the last lesson did not wholeheartedly want freedom from smoking. When you wholeheartedly obey this teaching we have given you, you become a person who lives a righteous life. Now you are free from the slavery of sin, and let me tell you, it is a wonderful thing to be free from that slavery. That’s where all of us in these lessons are headed, and I’m so excited that you’re staying the course.
Here’s the key truth: you become a slave to whatever you choose to obey. Notice that «become» is not an event—it is a process. It’s crucial to understand that it’s not a one-time event; it is actually a process. All right? It happens through repeated decisions over time. Essentially, you enslave yourself by repeatedly sinning or disobeying God’s word. What Paul is saying in Romans is now being confirmed by modern neuroscience, which is so amazing. We need to see the connection between the spiritual and the physical process or the psychological process involved in this addiction.
This is what neuroscience has discovered: I want you to listen really closely to what I’m about to read. Repeated behaviors—hear that? Repeated, repeated, repeated—get reinforced. So, you’re putting two concepts together: repeated actions are reinforced in our brains through the formation of neural pathways, which allow our brains to save time and energy in decision-making. Okay, our brain wants to do that; it wants to be an efficient machine. So, repeated porn-assisted masturbation forms and reinforces strong neurological pathways in our brains. As long as that pathway is traveled, thoughts in the brain function much like a trail system in the woods.
Scientists explain this for us novices: think about a woods that is very thick and dense, but there is a pathway through it. I know you’ve probably hiked trails before. The more you walk a trail, the more the foliage on that trail gets trampled down, clearing the path. The longer you walk that trail, the wider and more reinforced it becomes. This is what happens neurologically when we engage with porn and then have assisted masturbation stemming from that pornography: we start creating a trail. Our mind wants to go there, which is very dangerous because we are conditioning our minds to do something that is damaging our lives in the long run.
Now I’m going to read what one science book says: when we seek to change a behavior, we must stop taking the well-traveled path and instead choose to blaze a new trail. It’s really crucial to understand that, obviously, this is difficult at first. Changing your behavior from looking at porn and masturbating to developing a new path—which we will discuss—is not easy. If you think this will be a piece of cake, let me be clear: it’s going to take work. This is going to require effort on your part because you are literally in those woods and you need to blaze a new trail while allowing everything to overgrow on the old one.
You see what I’m saying? This is what’s happening neurologically; science has proven it, and it’s incredible. Again, it’s going to be difficult at first; it can feel like hacking your way through a rainforest with a machete. But over time, the more you walk the new path, the better it gets. Eventually, it becomes as well-worn as the old one. The old path—which decreases in frequency of travel—will eventually become unusable and will become overgrown as the new one used to be. This is what we are attempting to do neurologically, or in our minds, and it will happen because we have the power of the machete. And you know what that is? That’s the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. We will discuss this, but I want to prepare you that this will require work.
It will take effort, but I’m not saying that you are doing it in your own strength. God will assist you, but you have to make the decision to obey. You have to decide, «I’m done with this. I don’t like it anymore. I don’t want it anymore. I’m sorry that I’ve hurt God’s heart. I’m sorry that I’m hurting other people’s hearts. I’m going to forge this new trail, and I’m going to do so with effort.» But God will supply the grace, and it will be by His grace, not through your own effort. I hope you understand what I’m saying: you have to make the effort to decide to obey and to carry it out, but God will give you the grace to do it.
Here’s the deal: no one who has truly become enslaved to sin can get free in their own strength. It takes God’s grace to do it. Porn causes changes in the brain; they have proven this much like substance addiction. Modern science shows that regular use of pornography leads to frontal lobe atrophy. Now, why is this important? Our frontal lobes are where we make decisions regarding morality, willpower, and delaying gratification. If we experience frontal lobe atrophy, our willpower weakens. Without the ability to resist sin, we have developed neurological frontal lobe atrophy, which is quite scary when you think about it.
However, here’s a hopeful notion, as we always want to mix hope in here: it was previously thought that the brain stops developing during early adulthood. Modern science shows that the brain retains its neuroplasticity throughout life. In layman’s terms, you can create new paths even as you grow older. However, the rate of change declines with age. The older you are, the harder it will be neurologically, but it can still be achieved by the grace of God. The brain forms neurological pathways to save energy and prioritize efficient behavior over time. You must understand that the more you engage with porn, the more your brain will yearn to return to it.
Frontal lobe atrophy creates a cycle in our lives, and I’m going to share this cycle from my friend Pastor Chip Judd, who is both a pastor and a psychologist. He describes four things that happen once we develop frontal lobe atrophy: trigger, response, reward, and repeat. Let’s discuss the trigger. An event happens that triggers a negative feeling you wish to avoid—pain, rejection, boredom, loneliness, low self-image, lack of control, hopelessness, sadness, stress, disappointment—these are all negative feelings that can trigger. But a trigger could also be an event that generates positive feelings—excited feelings, arousal, climax, etc.
That trigger will develop a response, which is the behavior chosen to either negate the negative feeling triggered or reinforce the positive feeling triggered. Usually, it’s a combination of both. The chosen response gives us the temporary reward we seek, such as pleasure or arousal, and pathways are created, forging a trail in the brain with each repetition of the cycle. Of course, that reward prompts us to repeat the cycle because we want to experience that reward again. This is what happens in a person’s brain: the more you do it, the more you want to engage again. The more you look at porn, the stronger the desire becomes. You need to starve it; you need to fast from it, and we will delve deeper into this in future lessons.
In the case of porn addiction, every time you experience a sexual climax—whether real or through fantasy—your body releases neurotransmitters designed to reinforce the pleasurable behavior so that you’ll repeat it. Although these are naturally produced in your body, they are highly addictive. One example is dopamine. Often referred to as the pleasure hormone, dopamine is very addictive, fostering a strong association with whatever you were doing when it was released, thus creating a neural pathway that increases your likelihood of repeating that same behavior. The next is oxytocin, which is associated with feelings of closeness. While it is intended to create a strong bond between a husband and wife, it can easily forge a bond between you and the image on-screen—this is dangerous. Oxytocin counteracts cortisol, which is one of the main stress hormones, making people more vulnerable to temptation when they’re under stress. The last one I want to talk about is serotonin. Serotonin helps regulate mood and is associated with feelings of peace, hopefulness, and happiness. It also helps counteract feelings of depression and hopelessness common among those who engage with porn.
Isn’t that interesting? People think pornography relieves their depression and stress, but in reality, it enhances their stress and contributes to moodiness and depression. The important thing to recognize is that we do have many God-given and legitimate needs: love, acceptance, belonging, worth, food, arousal, sex, sleep, comfort, affirmation, friendship, excitement, etc. God created us with those needs, but He wants us to fulfill them in the right place.
Addictive behavior is rooted in something; it stems from idolatry. A friend of mine, Chip Judd, explains that all addictive behaviors start with idolatry, which involves placing someone or something before or instead of God. We break the cycle by learning to look to God first to meet our needs. Pornography creates a fake intimacy with an image on a screen when, in reality, you need that intimacy—not just from God but also from your spouse. Pornography addiction blocks off those avenues through which we can truly experience intimacy. It is very dangerous.
Anything you say «yes» to repeatedly gains power over you, while anything you say «no» to repeatedly loses power over you. In Romans chapter 7, verses 21-23, which we established as our foundational scripture two lessons ago, Paul states, «I have discovered this principle of life: that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart, but another power within me is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is within me.»
Is there hope for this person? Absolutely. Listen to what the Apostle Paul says a few verses later: «Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.» So, how do we find complete total freedom? We will answer that in the coming lessons.