John Bevere - I Was Completely Consumed By Porn
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Welcome to Porn Free, and can I say right up front, I am so proud of you for coming to this course because that speaks of your hunger for God, your desire for a healthy lifestyle, and your humility. I cannot applaud you enough, and I cannot tell you how proud I am of you. Now, let me say this right up front: I want you to understand this, and I want this to reverberate throughout this entire course—God intimately and deeply loves you. He cares for you deeply. I want you to understand something else: the Lord Jesus Christ loves you so very much, so much so that before you ever heard His name, He died so that you could be free. That’s amazing when you think about it. The Holy Spirit and His presence are here, and I believe it is in your office, your home, or wherever you’re watching me right now. His presence is here, and you can sense it; I can already tell you can sense His presence, and His presence is overwhelming you with love.
So what does it mean that we love you, that God loves you? Well, let me tell you this: when you love somebody, you will tell them the truth. You will do it kindly; you will do it patiently; you will not do it as if you know more than they do. You will tell them the truth. In our society today, love has been redefined, and it’s basically this: if I love you, that means I affirm you. Why would I want to affirm you in a state that is wreaking havoc in your life? That’s wrong. I want what God wants for you.
Think about it: God is our Creator. He’s our Maker. He was the one who manufactured us. As a father of four sons, I remember that when Christmas came around, there were often times I gave them gifts that needed to be assembled. That assembly sometimes took up to two hours because it was very intricate. Here’s the deal: I remember thinking, «Ah, I’m a typical guy; I don’t need directions.» I spent two hours putting this thing together, and then, when it was all put together, there were still ten pieces on the floor! I turned it on, and it didn’t work, and then, okay, Mr. Thick-Headed goes back to the manufacturer’s manual—the guy who invented this thing—and I see all the places where I messed up.
Well, here’s the deal: God’s our Maker, so God knows what makes us tick, and He knows what undoes us. So, you always want to hear the truth because your Maker only speaks the truth that will make you whole. He loves you, but He loves you enough to speak the truth to you—He doesn’t want you to stay in the current state that you are in. If you are in a bondage situation that’s unmaking you, He wants to set you free. So, keep that in mind the entire time we’re going through this course because it is vital that we don’t lose sight of that. There is a weapon, and let me introduce this porn-free course by saying there is a weapon that the enemies of our souls are using very effectively on the majority of us in the church. Yes, you heard what I said: the majority of us. It’s damaging our lives, it’s damaging those who are close to us, and it’s called pornography. From this point forward, I will refer to it simply as porn.
What are some of the statistics from the most recent research that have been done? It’s staggering when you hear this, and I want you to listen very carefully. Number one, the average age that a young man or woman is exposed to porn is age 11. Okay? That was me, so I hit it right on the nose with that one. Ninety-four percent of all people say that they have seen pornography by the time they’re 14 years old. This one’s really sobering: 68%. Let me just make this realistic—7 out of 10. Sixty-eight percent of the men who attend church watch pornography on a regular basis. I didn’t make that up; that is from the most recent survey.
Again, seven out of every ten men sitting in a church on Sunday watch pornography regularly. Over 50%—and this one’s really hard to say, but it’s true—over 50% of pastors view pornography on a regular basis. Sixty-seven percent of single men aged 25 and under and 33% of women aged 25 and under watch porn at least once a month. Fifty-five percent of married men and 25% of married women say they watch porn at least once a month. I hope this is horrifying you because it did to me, and it put a fire in me for this course. Eighty-seven percent of Christian women admit to having watched pornography. This is mind-blowing: 57% of pastors say pornography addiction is the most damaging issue in their congregations, yet only 7% of churches have a program to help those struggling with it. Could it be that the pastors are also struggling with it? Porn is a major factor in 56% of divorces.
In this course, this is what we want to do: we want to show how damaging pornography is to your spirit, soul, and body. We want to show you how to get free, and we want to show you how to stay free. Now, this is not academic to me because I am a man who was consumed with lust. I was bound to pornography; a friend of mine showed it to me when I was, I think, 12 years old. It was either 11 or 12, and I’m almost sure it was 12. I got so consumed with lust that by the time I got to high school, I was literally undressing girls in my classes in my mind and having the wildest sexual fantasies. By the time I got to college and entered a fraternity while playing varsity tennis at Purdue, I was completely consumed by lust so that when I married Lisa at age 23, I thought it would go away. I thought that marrying what I considered to be the most beautiful girl on the planet—in my eyes, she was a supermodel—would make it all go away. It didn’t; it actually got worse. But I have great news: I was completely and totally set free on May 6, 1985, and I am still free today.
So, I have a lot of empathy, a lot of compassion for every one of you who are watching this right now, who have come to this course to be set free. Not only are you looking at a man who believes you will be set free, you are looking at a man who has actually walked through it. I don’t want you to struggle the way I struggled. I believe that you watching this course will greatly diminish this struggle because you’re receiving the revelation knowledge that I had to seek God for, and you’re getting it all in one course. It’s really important that you understand that in no way do I want to bring any shame, guilt, or condemnation upon you, so I want to eliminate that right now. I don’t want the enemy whispering in your ear, saying this guy is looking down on you. No! I am looking at you with a lot of love and compassion right now and believing with you for your complete total freedom.
Now, with that said, there is something really important I need to say: pornography is a sin. Okay? Now, I really need to emphasize this because if you see it as, «Well, 70% of the guys in church are doing it, so I’m just, you know, going with the crowd,» let me remind you: Jesus says that there are few who find the way of life. If you compare yourself with the majority, you might be comparing yourself with the wrong crowd. If you read Matthew 7 carefully, pornography without a doubt is a sin. Jesus made this statement in Matthew 5, verses 27 and 28: «You have heard the commandment that says you must not commit adultery—that is one of the Ten Commandments, number seven to be exact—but I say to you that anyone who even looks at a woman with lust, with intense desire to have sexual relationships with her, has already committed adultery with her in his heart.» That is a heavy statement. So it’s important to understand: God loves you, but now listen to me: He hates sin. God loves the sinner, but He hates the sin that undoes the sinner. Are you seeing what I’m saying?
So let me make this really clear: God loves you but He hates anything that undoes you. He hates anything that damages you. He hates anything that degrades you. He hates anything that enslaves you. He wants you free. So, what are some of the damaging effects of pornography? Number one, it grieves the heart of God, and if you love God, you don’t want to grieve His heart. Number two, it hardens our hearts. Hebrews 12 and 13 says, «Brethren, exhort one another daily while it is called today, lest any of you"—he’s speaking to Christian men and women—"lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.» Sin will harden your heart.
Sin separates us from having intimate fellowship with God. God says in Isaiah 59:2, «But your iniquities, your sins, have separated you from your God.» It doesn’t say it separates Him from you; it separates you from Him. You distance yourself. Have you ever had a friend, and you did something that you knew was wrong, and then the next time you saw him, it was a little hard to really connect at a heart level with that friend because you knew you just lied to him? This is what happens; it separates you from God. You don’t have the confidence to go into His presence because you’re continually sinning and disobeying Him. So it’s serious. It steals our strength. David made this statement in Psalm 31:10: «Sin has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within.» It’s a repetitive cycle: your strength gets drained, you don’t have the strength to stand against sin, and so you keep going because your strength keeps getting weaker and weaker. We want you strong; God wants you strong. I’m so excited about this course because I believe it’s going to do it.
It degrades people made in the image of God. We will talk more about that later. It hurts those in relationships with us; it’s a betrayal. I’ll never forget the betrayal Lisa felt when she found out I was in bondage to pornography, and that broke my heart. I’ll talk more about that later. If continued, this sin can sear our conscience. Here’s one of the worst things about sin: it leads us into slavery. Jesus makes the statement in John 8:34: «I tell you the truth,» so remember, Jesus cares deeply for us, so He’s going to tell you the truth. «I tell you the truth; everyone who sins is a slave to sin.» Paul made the statement in Romans 6:16: «Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living.» We’re going to go through all of this in depth in this course, and you’re going to be so excited when you find out you actually have the power to obey God, and you have the power to turn away from this pornography. I am so excited for you; I am anticipating that change.
So anyway, these are the effects of sin: it causes us to use people and see sex as self-serving rather than sacred. It’s so important that you understand that. It creates massive amounts of shame, and I don’t think I really need to elaborate on that because you’ve sensed it. It can alter what we find attractive, and that’s dangerous. It creates unrealistic expectations of what sex will be like. If we’re single, it robs us of time, and it leads us to worse complications. Jesus made a statement: «Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.»
So here’s the great news: the great news is not only did Jesus die to free you from the penalty of sin; He died to free you from the enslavement of sin. Listen to these scriptures: Titus 2:14 tells us, «He gave His life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us.» He talks about freeing us and cleansing us in that one statement. In Romans 6:6-7, it says, «We are no longer slaves to sin; we were set free from the power of sin.» Yes, sin has power, but we were set free from the power of it because of what Jesus did for us. What are some of the benefits of becoming free? You’re going to love this! Healthy, whole, and thriving relationships—don’t you want that? Every one of us wants that. We’re going to end generational cycles of dysfunctional living. We are going to experience God’s design for healthy sexuality. We are going to be more fulfilled in sex in our marriage. And that one I can say is totally true from a man who was in bondage to pornography as a married man and a man now who has been free for over 30 years. It makes a world of difference in your marriage bed.
It reduces and eliminates sexual dysfunction. That’s a benefit! There are a lot of people experiencing sexual dysfunction at young ages—it’s scary. It restores a healthy desire for your spouse, and here’s another benefit: you desire the right qualities if you’re seeking a spouse. The best one of all: here’s the benefit you’re going to get—you’re going to walk in deeper intimacy with God Himself.
So, what will we cover in this course? This is what we’re going to go into: why you feel stuck, the psychology and spiritual roots of addiction. We’re going to discuss the mind; we’re going to learn about epigenetics—there are many things we’re going to talk about here. We’re going to go to the root and the spiritual aspect of it. We are going to find the right motivation to be free, and that is so important. We’re going to break the power of shame—man, I hate shame! Shame keeps people from getting set free. We’re breaking that off of you. We’re going to show you how to stay free from shame, guilt, and condemnation. We’re going to destroy strongholds—the damaging neurological patterns that have developed in your mind. We’re going to show you how to destroy those; that’s really cool! We’re going to show you why it’s so hard to get free in your own strength. You just can’t do it in your own strength! I’ve got news for you: we’ve got Jesus, and we’ll show you God’s way to freedom, how to start filling your life with healthy things, and lose your desire for the cheap counterfeits. That’s so important!
We’re going to provide practical steps on how to get free and stay free. So let me say this right now: commit—listen to me, men and women—commit to staying with this course. Don’t just watch one or two and then go, «I don’t want to watch anymore.» Please commit to stay through this course; go all the way to the end because there are different facets that are very, very important to truly bring full freedom. I don’t want to see partial freedom for you; I want to see full freedom in your life. That’s what God wants for you, and it’s so exciting! I just tell you, I wish you were here in this studio with me because I would put my arms around you, look you right in the eyes, and say, «I’m so proud of you, brother!» or I’d hug you and say, «I’m so proud of you, sister.»
So anyway, in the next lesson, before going any further, we’re going to address something, and this is important: we’re going to address the motive to become free. Now, my motive to be free was wrong, and it kept me from getting free, so it’s really important that we dive down to that core motive of why we want to be free from pornography. We’ll see you in the next lesson.