Joel Osteen - Give the Gift of Yourself (02/23/2018)
Joel Osteen teaches that the greatest gift we can give others isn’t money or material things, but our time, attention, and presence—sharing personal stories of his father and himself to show how giving yourself brings fulfillment and leaves no regrets when loved ones are gone.
The Greatest Gift Is Yourself
I want to talk to you today about giving the gift of yourself. The greatest gift you can give is not necessarily your money; it is not what you can buy someone. The greatest gift is your time, your attention, your love, your concern.
When you take time to go see someone, they feel your love; they enjoy your company. That means more than any material gift that you could ever give. And the people who are close to you, who really love and respect you, they would rather have you than your money.
You can give them all the money in the world, but if you are not spending time with them, they are missing out on the best of you. And when you give the gift of yourself, you are saying, «You are extremely important to me. I care about you, I love you, you are valuable.»
You are giving something that money cannot buy. And sometimes, writing a check is taking the easy way out. «I know I need to go visit my parents, but I am so busy at the office—I will just pay the neighbor to watch after them.»
«My friend is in the hospital; I know I should go see them, but I do not want to miss working out this week. I will just send them some flowers.» No, take time to give your greatest gift.
A Lesson from My Father
I learned this from my father. At least once a year, he would have me drive him back to Paris, Texas. That is where he grew up. And there was this older couple that was related to us somehow. The man was American Indian, so nice, and his wife and him—they lived in this small wood-frame house.
They were in their late 80s and had some health issues, and did not have much money, did not have anybody to watch after them. My father would pay their rent, buy their medications, have somebody take care of the house.
Daddy could have thought, «That is good enough; I am doing my part.» No, he understood this principle: that the greatest gift he could give was not his money, but himself. And my father was very busy, pastored a large church, had a lot of responsibilities.
This could have been very low on his priority list, but every year we would take that 5-hour journey. The first time we went, I told Victoria, «Next Tuesday, we are going to Paris"—did not tell her Paris, Texas, until the morning of.
We got to Paris, and she never did find the Eiffel Tower there, but I will never forget pulling up in their driveway. They were sitting on the front porch, waiting with such anticipation. You would have thought the president of the United States showed up; they were so happy.
We would go in and eat the lunch they had prepared, then we would sit there and visit for hours and hours, listening to their stories—the same ones I had heard before. A couple of times I thought, «Let me finish it for you.» I was in my early 20s. To be honest, I was so bored.
I thought, «Come on, Daddy, let us go. We have had lunch, we have said hello, they know we love them.» My father sat there just as patient as can be. What was he doing? Giving his greatest gift: his time, his attention, his friendship, the gift of himself.
The Power of Personal Presence
Today, people are so busy, and with the technology, it is easy to not interact one on one. Where we used to go see someone in person, or we used to at least pick up the phone, now we may go months and months and only communicate by email, by Facebook.
And there is nothing wrong with that, but you have to make sure you are not cheating people out of the best of you. To look someone in the eyes is very powerful. To give them your undivided attention speaks volumes.
To let them hear your voice is extremely important. You will never regret spending time with the people that you love. And I am all for using technology, but nothing makes the impact like seeing someone face to face.
There was this older gentleman that I grew up with, and he was always very good to me. He bought some television equipment for us—just a kind, generous man. He would come up to the office and bring lunch, and we would all sit around, laugh, talk, have a good time together.
One day, he had a stroke, could not get out anymore, he could not drive, and I felt so badly for him. I meant to call him; I had good intentions, but I was so busy. We had a newborn little baby daughter; I was just learning how to minister. Had so much going on, I kept putting it off and putting it off.
Now, I know friends that would go out to see him, and I would always tell them, «Be sure to tell him for me that I miss him, I love him, and I am going to come see him.» Well, weeks turned into months, months turned into years.
And one morning, I woke up with him on my mind so strongly that I got in the car and drove to his house. The lady that took care of him answered the door. She said, «Joel, he is going to be so happy to see you. He talks about you all the time. He tells people you are just like his own son.»
I went in and gave him a big hug, and he wept and wept. We are all busy; we have all got a lot going on, but I will never regret the time that I spent with him that day.
That one hour did more to express my love, my gratitude, my respect than a thousand people telling him for me. I could have sent him money, food, medication, encouragement. That would have been good; he would have been grateful, but it would not have had half the impact of that one visit.
The fact that I took time to look him in the eyes, to let him feel the warmth of my hug, to give him my undivided attention, to laugh and talk about old times—that was invaluable. That cannot be purchased by money. Why is that? The greatest gift you can give is yourself.
You cannot do it for everyone, but you can do it for someone. God has put people in your life that need your gift. Do not put it off and say, «Oh yeah, Joel, I will do it one day when it slows down at the office, maybe when the children get back in school, maybe when the price of gas comes down.»
If you keep putting it off, you may miss the opportunity. Life is short; there is no guarantee of another day. That visit you have been planning to make—why do you not make it? That friend you have been meaning to see—why do you not go see them?
When I left his house that morning, part of me felt very happy and very fulfilled that I could make his day. Another part of me felt sad that I had held my gift back for so long.
It had been years I had been planning to see him, and to see the impact that it made, to see him come alive, to see his smile, made me wish I had done it a whole lot sooner. I made a vow that day that I was not going to withhold my gift anymore.
Only You Can Give Your Unique Gift
I am asking you to do the same thing. Take time for the people that invested in you, the people that made sacrifices like this man, the people that went out of their way to be good to you.
They need more than your money, more than your well wishes, more than your friends saying hello for you. They need the gift of yourself. Here is the key: only you can give it.
Your love, your smile, your friendship, your gratitude—that is one of a kind. It cannot be transferred; it does not necessarily translate through another person, through a letter. A phone call is good—but do not use that as an excuse to never see them face to face.
I will tell you something strange about me. There is more than one thing, but this is one… When I read the newspaper every morning, I always read the obituaries. I scan through it, read about people, to see who they are, what their story is, how long they have lived.
My children still make fun of me: «Daddy is reading the obituaries again, starting the day off right, thinking about death.» But I have done that for years and years—I think the main reason is to make sure I am not in it.
But the real main reason is it reminds me of how fragile life really is. We grow up thinking that we are invincible, we are going to be here forever with our family and our friends; our world is always going to be perfect. That is not the case.
James 4:14 says, «Our life is like a mist. We are here for a moment, then we are gone.» When you read the obituaries, you see people who were old and people who were young, people who had big families and people with no families.
Some obituaries are very long, with great accomplishments. Some are short; they just list the people’s name and their dates, their age. One thing they all have in common is they are no longer here. Their time on this earth is over.
Honor Those Who Helped You
It is very sobering to look around at who God has put in your life, who has made a difference, who has invested in you, who was there when nobody else was around. They took you under their wing; they mentored you.
Are you giving the gift of yourself back to them? Some people come into our lives to get us to a certain level. They make sacrifices; they pay the price. Then we take off and pass them by. Now they are in the shadows; it is easy to forget about them.
It is easy to not have any time—too busy, too important, too successful, I have got too much going on. No, if it had not been for them, you would not be where you are. Take time for the people that took time for you.
When my father was in high school, he had a friend named Sam Martin. Sam was always talking to him about the Lord and how he needed to give his life to Christ. My father always thought Sam was a little odd—too religious.
Sam would get to school early in the morning and write scriptures on the chalkboard. Most of the students agreed with my father that Sam was just too far out. Well, one night at 2 o’clock in the morning, my father was walking home from a nightclub, 17 years old.
He began to think about his eternal destiny. He got home and opened the family Bible on the coffee table. It was just there as decoration. My father had no kind of spiritual upbringing, never been to church before.
The Bible fell open to a picture of Jesus knocking at a door. The caption read, «I stand at the door and knock. If any person opens the door, I will come in.» My father could not understand religion, but he could understand opening a door.
The next day, he told Sam what had happened. Sam said, «John, that is God drawing you unto himself.» He invited my father to church. They went and sat on the very back row.
At the end of the service, the minister invited people to the altar to receive Christ. My father would not go; he was too scared. Sam whispered in his ear, 17 years old, «John, if you will walk down there, I will go with you.»
That day, they both walked down there—my father gave his life to Christ, and Daddy went on to become a very well-respected, successful minister. Founded this church.
But here is my point: Sam did not have that same success. He pastored a church here and there, but nothing really caught on. Later in Sam’s life, everything had gone downhill. He was really struggling, working as a greeter at a local retail store.
He and my father had stayed in touch somewhat, but not that close; they would call each other every several years. When my father heard how much Sam was struggling, he got in his car and he drove to Dallas to visit.
Now, they were both in their 70s. Sam was so thrilled; he could not believe his old high school friend John had taken time to come. My dad was very loyal. He invited Sam to be a part of our staff as one of our ministers.
Sam and his wife moved to Houston, and Sam spent the last 8 years of his life working with my father day in and day out. What was my dad doing? Giving the gift of himself.
He knew he would not be here if it were not for Sam. Sam was there for my father in his time of need; now my father was there for Sam in Sam’s time of need.
Do not forget about the people that help you get to where you are. Do not be too busy, too important. Take time to reach back and invest in those that have helped you.
It may not be to give them a job like my dad did, but at least you can stop by their house and say thank you; you can invite them over, or you can do something kind for their family.
David’s Example of Loyalty
This is what David did in the scripture. His best friend Jonathan was killed in a battle, and Jonathan was the one that really looked after David. When his father, King Saul, was trying to kill David, Jonathan would get inside information and sneak over and give it to his friend David.
Years after Jonathan’s death, now David is the king. David asked his assistant, «Is anyone from the house of Jonathan still alive? If so, I want to do something good for them.»
They said, «He has one son who is crippled, but he is still alive.» This son was living in extreme poverty, no future to speak of. David had them go get the young man, bring him to the palace.
He looked him in the eyes and said, «Listen, from now on, you are going to eat at my dinner table every night. From now on, you are going to live in the palace with me, treated like royalty.»
The young man was amazed; he asked, «What did I do to deserve all this?» David said, «Your father was a friend of mine. Your father helped me get to where I am; now I am going to show you honor. I am going to show you respect because of who your father was.»
David could have taken the easy way out and said, «I am going to build you a house down the road, have somebody take care of you. You go off and live a good life.» No, David understood this principle: that the greatest gift he could give was himself.
David gave that young man his time, his attention, his friendship.
Appreciating Imperfect Sacrifices
The truth is, none of us got to where we are on our own. It is easy to find fault with the people that raised us. I hear it all the time: «Joel, my parents did not treat me right. My father worked all the time; he was never there. My mother had issues. My teachers—they did not really invest in me.»
No, they may not have been perfect, but they made sacrifices so that you could go further. Most likely, they did the best that they could with what they had.
I was talking to a friend recently; he was the star football player in high school. He loved sports, but his father never came to one game, never saw him play one time. But this son was not bitter.
He said, «Joel, my dad was a good man. He spent all of his time and energy working to provide for the family. That is how he showed love.» Come to find out, his father was raised without a father. He had never seen a father model, did not really know what he was supposed to do.
Sometimes we judge people by what we know instead of by what they know. This son was smart enough to realize his father did not know any better. He was doing the best that he knew how.
Now this son takes his father to all of his grandson’s football games, and they sit together in the stands and enjoy each other’s company. What am I saying? Do not make excuses for why you do not need to see a loved one.
Do not live bitter because you did not get what you needed. «Well, Joel, they did not treat me right; they did not make me feel important; they should have spent more time with me.»
Why do you not have a bigger point of view? Maybe they did the best that they knew how. After all, that is your family; that is your flesh and blood. That is the one God ordained to be in your life.
You did not just come from any parents—God handpicked your parents. He knew what they would have and what they would not have. He knew what they could give you and what they could not give you.
It is easy to focus on the negative, but keep the right perspective. They are the ones that changed your diapers; they are the ones that fed you, clothed you, stayed up late at night when you did not feel well.
They are the people that, when you were a baby, you spit up on them; they shook it off and gave you another bottle. Now, what have you done for them lately?
Have you invited them out to dinner? Have you stopped by the house to enjoy their company, to talk about old times, to laugh together? What if they were not going to be around next year at this time?
What if the next few months was the only chance you had to let them know how you feel, what they mean to you? Are you allowing your work schedule, too busy, to keep you from it?
Or maybe have you not spoken in years because you do not get along anymore? You are at odds, and you are just letting it ride. Maybe one day you will make things better. God is saying: today is your one day.
Reach out to the people that have sacrificed for you; go visit that family member. You have a gift that they need, and it is not necessarily just your money, your clothes, your food—the gift you have is yourself: your friendship, your time, your love, your hug, your smile, your gratitude.
Do not keep putting it off; do what you know you need to do.
Life Is Fragile—Act Now
Last week I was flipping through the obituaries—my favorite thing to do. I saw this picture of a man about my age; he always waited on me at the department store. Just saw him a couple of months ago in the back of the store.
I was in a hurry, but I took a few moments to go over and shake his hand and see how he was doing. Just a two-minute friendly conversation—no big deal. I never dreamed that would be the last time I ever saw him. He had been there for years.
Friends, life is short. Do not miss these opportunities to give the gift of yourself. I was so glad that at least I took time to go say hello.
When I saw his picture, while I was saddened to know that he was gone, I was satisfied knowing that I had taken the time to let him know that I cared, that he was important to me.
My question is: the people God put in your life—your family, your friends, those that you interact with—if they were gone tomorrow, would you be satisfied that they know how much you love them, what they mean to you?
Have you seen them lately, expressed your feelings, taken time to enjoy their friendship, laughed together? If not, why do you not do it sooner than later?
I have been to too many funerals where I hear people say, «If I only had another chance. If I could just really tell them what they meant to me.» This is your other chance.
Look around this week—do not take the people God put in your life for granted. When you give the gift of yourself—your time, your attention, your love—you are keeping the «accounts full.»
When somebody goes to be with the Lord, while you will still be sad, you will have no regrets. There will be a satisfaction knowing they knew exactly how much you love them, how much you value them in your life.
What makes losing a loved one much more difficult is when we have all these things we wished we would have done: I wish I would have gone to see them, I wish I would have taken my friends, or I wish I would have forgiven them and made things right.
I talked to a young lady just recently. She is dealing with all this guilt, all this remorse, because she got at odds with her father—they had not spoken in a long, long time.
Her father, in his early fifties, was suddenly killed in an accident. She said, «Joel, I cannot handle it; I am dealing with all this guilt. How do I let it go?» Of course, God will give you the grace to do it, but the point I am making today is: it is much better to keep the accounts full.
No Regrets with My Father
You have heard the saying: «Live every day like it could be your last.» Another good thought: «Live every day like it could be your loved one’s last.» Because when you die, if you know the Lord, you are going to go to heaven. You are not going to miss us—there is no time in heaven; next thing you know, we will be there.
The difficulty is not when you die, but when a loved one dies. That is when people have too many regrets. I have heard it said: «If you only have an hour to live, who would you call, what would you say, and what are you waiting for?»
It was a Thursday night, thirteen years ago. I was home, sound asleep in my bed, and I heard the phone ringing. I woke up in a daze, looked at the clock—it was 4 o’clock in the morning.
Answered the phone, and it was my father. He said, «Joel, I am not feeling well. I need to go up to the clinic to take dialysis. Can you take me?» I said, «Sure, I will be there in just a moment.»
I had gotten in bed that night at 2 o’clock, just had a couple of hours of sleep. Picked my father up and got him to the dialysis center. Most of the time, once he got all hooked up, he would go to sleep, and so I would leave and go to work or go back home, come pick him up four hours later.
This morning, I was particularly tired. But something down in here said, «Joel, you need to stay and visit with your dad today.» It just felt right; I knew I was supposed to do it, so I pulled up a chair, and for the next three or four hours my father and I just sat there and talked and laughed. Had a good time together.
He got finished about eight in the morning, and I took him home. I was standing in my parents' kitchen, just about to leave, and my father called me back over. He gave me a big hug and said, «Joel, you are the best son a father could ever hope to have.»
And I left that day feeling extremely satisfied. I knew how much my father loved me, and he knew how much I loved him. What I did not realize was later that day he would have a heart attack and go to be with the Lord.
The last thing I remember him saying to me was what a good son I was. The last thing he remembers me doing for him was spending those three or four hours together.
And while I still miss my dad, I have no regrets. There is nothing I wish I would have done differently, nothing I wish I would have said. I am at peace.
And I do not say that to brag on me, but rather to challenge us to make sure we are keeping the accounts full. Make sure you are not putting things off, thinking, «Yeah, one day I am going to go see them. One day I am going to take my grandchildren. One day I am going to forgive and make things right.»
Let today be your «one day.» Take time for the people God put in your life. Do not cheat them out of the best of you. Your friendship, your love, your smile, your hug—that is one of a kind; nobody else can give it.
If you will learn to give the gift of yourself, then your accounts will stay full. You will have no regrets. The people in your life will not only be better, but you will be better.
I believe and declare: you will live a blessed, happy, fulfilled, victorious life, in Jesus' name. If you receive it, can you say amen today?