Joel Osteen - Don't Lose Your Joy
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Joel Osteen teaches that true joy cannot be taken from us—only given away—and urges listeners to decide ahead of time not to let daily frustrations, rude people, or inconveniences steal their happiness, drawing on John 16:22 where Jesus says no one can take your joy, and concluding that guarding our joy leads to strength, better relationships, and the abundant life God intends.
Daily Opportunities to Lose Joy
I want to talk to you today about not giving away your joy. We have opportunities every day to get upset, to go around frustrated. You cannot find the car keys. Traffic is backed up, or maybe somebody was rude to us, or what should have taken an hour ended up taking four hours.
There will always be something that can sour our day, and if we are going to live in victory, we have to have the right approach to life. I have heard it said, «Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond.» Some people are frustrated because they are trying to control the 10%.
They are not going to be happy unless everything goes their way, and everybody treats them right, all their plans work out. That is the wrong approach. You cannot control the traffic, what your neighbor does, or how your boss treats you. All you can control is your own response—that is where the power lies. Not in trying to control everybody and everything.
I hear people say, «I would be happy if my spouse treated me better. I would be happy if my boss would move to another planet. I would be happy if I did not have to sit in traffic every day, Joel.» No, you are allowing what you cannot control to sour your life. You have to change your approach.
Decide Ahead of Time
At the first part of the day, before we get out of bed, we need to make a decision that no matter what comes our way, we are not going to get upset. No matter what somebody says, we are not going to be offended. No matter what interruption or delay, we are not going to be sour.
The key is to decide ahead of time. Then, when life happens—traffic is worse than normal, your children forget their homework at school, your wife is in one of those moods (somebody said «PMS» means pretty mean sister)… When your plans do not work out, it is no big deal. You have already decided, «This is the day the Lord has made.» You are going to live it happy.
But you cannot wait until you are in the heat of the battle. It is too late. You have got to decide ahead of time. Then, when things come against you, you are prepared. Your mind is already made up.
But too often, we think, «God, if You would just change these people, change these circumstances, then I could be happy.» But the fact is, you could take someone with the right approach and put them in your same situation—they would not be upset. They would not be stressed. They would be at peace, enjoying life.
Why? They know God is in control, that He is directing their steps, that all things are going to work together for their good, and they have already made this decision that no matter what comes their way, they are going to live their life happy. And if you would just make this simple adjustment, then what is upsetting you now does not have to upset you any longer.
You have the power to be happy right where you are.
No One Can Take Your Joy
That is what Jesus said in John 16:22: «No man can take your joy.» That means other people cannot make you unhappy. No circumstance can force you to get upset. Nothing can take your joy. You have to give it away. You are in complete control of your happiness.
Somebody is rude to you—what they are really saying is, «Give me your joy.» Somebody cuts you off in traffic, «Let me have your joy.» Somebody ignores you, leaves you out of a meeting—they are asking for your joy.
You have a choice. You can give it to them, go around upset, frustrated, offended, or you can make a much better decision and say, «No thanks, I need my joy.» I am not going to get upset because you were rude. I am not going to be offended because you did not speak to me. I am not going to be frustrated because you cut me off in traffic.
I have already made up my mind, «I am going to live this day happy. I will give you mercy. I will give you understanding. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. But one thing I will not give you is my joy.»
A while back, I was in a parking lot, driving around and around, looking for a parking spot. Finally, this couple came out of the store and headed toward their car. I had to guess which aisle I thought they were going to be on, and it just so happened I turned down the right one. They were parked at the very first spot, closest to the store.
Of course, I thought, «Thank You, Lord, for Your favor.» But when they backed out, a car came from the main road and pulled in going the wrong direction and got that spot, and here I had been waiting the whole time. My first inclination was to honk my horn, give them a piece of my mind, and then I remembered, «I am a pastor of a church.»
I had to do what I am asking you to do. I thought, «No, I have already made up my mind I am not going to get upset today. I will give them the parking spot, but I am not going to give them my joy.»
When you are tempted to be upset, somebody does you wrong, you need to ask yourself, «Is this worth me giving up my joy over? They have already done me wrong. Am I going to make it worse by letting them sour my whole day?»
Life Is Too Short
And some people wonder why they are not happy. It is because they gave away joy when they could not find their car keys and gave away joy when they heard they had to work late and gave away more joy when they found out somebody was talking about them. It is not their circumstances that are keeping them from being happy. It is the fact that they keep giving away their joy.
And friends, life is way too short to let these interruptions and irritations keep us from being happy. We are never going to get away from them. You cannot just pray them away. It is a part of life.
It is very freeing when you learn this principle: «I do not have to give away my joy. There is nothing people can say, nothing they can do. No circumstance can keep me from living this day happy.»
Now, take inventory of your life. What are you allowing to upset you? What is causing you to be stressed? Identify what it is, and then make the decision to change your approach. A lot of times it is a small thing that we are making a big deal out of.
Keep the right perspective. Is it really worth losing your joy because you could not find the remote control to the television, or your spouse did not pick up his clothes like you asked him to? Your child forgot his lunch; you had to run back to the school. You are going to be inconvenienced for 15 minutes. That is a small thing. Do not give up your joy over that.
A Family Story About Small Things
I love this story my brother, Paul, told. He and his wife, Jennifer, have four beautiful children, and a few years back, they were all under the age of seven. If you have small children, you know how hectic and stressful that can be.
And one of Paul’s pet peeves is he always likes to be on time. He does not want to be late. And one day, they had this important event to go to, and Paul started way early, an hour before, helping to get the kids dressed and ready to go.
But when it came time to leave, everything that could go wrong did. One of the children spilled something on their dress. They had to turn around, go back, and change. Then the dog got out. He had to chase him down. He got a phone call, had to deal with something else.
He could feel his blood pressure rising higher and higher—and just before he lost his cool, he went in the den, sat on the couch, and said to himself, «You know, it is not really that big a deal to be five minutes late to Chuck E. Cheese.»
Do not make a big deal out of something that is not a big deal. But I wonder how many things last week we let upset us that were small things. How many times did we get stressed over something that in the big picture did not really matter?
You did not get news that you have a major illness. You just found out you had to work late one night, or your ballgame was canceled, or there was a detour and you had to take the long way home. There are enough big issues in life to deal with—make sure you are not giving away your joy over something small.
Says in Proverbs, «A relaxed attitude will lengthen your life.» But when we are uptight and everything has got to be perfect, got to go our way, on our schedule—if not, we are going to get all stressed out—that not only sours our day, but it could be shortening our life.
Learn to relax. Go with the flow. Know that God is directing your steps. Do not fight against everything that does not go your way.
A Disneyland Lesson
One time, Victoria and I were at Disneyland with our children. It was 10 o’clock at night. We had been at the park all day long, and as we were leaving, Victoria wanted to go into the gift shop with our son, Jonathan, and pick up a few souvenirs.
I was carrying our daughter, Alexandra. She was two years old and she was asleep on my shoulder, and I was hot, tired, been walking around all day. I said, «Victoria, no, I do not want to stop at this gift shop.» She said, «Come on, Joel, it is just going to take me a minute.»
I said, «All right,» and I went out, sat on the bench at the entryway to Disneyland. Just so happened there was a big clock up in front of me. I waited 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes—you know how when you are waiting, things seem to take a lot longer than they really are.
The longer I waited, the more frustrated I got. I not only gave away my joy, I gave away my peace, my strength, everything I had. I was hot and Alexandra was making me hotter as I was holding her.
What was my big problem? Had a major accident? Lost my job? No, I just had to wait an extra half hour at Disneyland. I got up, went in the gift shop, said, «Victoria, that is it. I have had it. I am going to the car; just meet me there.»
She said, «No, no, Joel, wait, we are just about to check out.» I said, «No, no, I am tired, Victoria. I am going to go to the car.» I knew I should have waited for her, but I was just too irritated, and when we are upset, stressed, frustrated, we do not make good decisions.
Now, I got on the tram, still carrying Alexandra, took the 15-minute ride to the parking lot. The only problem was, I could not remember where we had parked. We were driving a white rental car. Do you know how many white rental cars there are at Disneyland in the summer? I bet there are 10,000.
I went up and down, aisle after aisle after aisle, so tired, totally sweaty. Finally, I had to do what no grown man likes to do. I had to go to the tram station and say, «I cannot find my car.»
There was an older man there and he was very friendly. He said, «Do not worry about it; I will help you. Did you park in the Mickey and Friends parking lot, or did you park in the Lion King parking lot?» I said, «I have no idea.»
He said, «Well, did you see Mickey Mouse when you drove in or did you see Simba?» I said, «I do not know who Simba is.» He said, «Do you know who Donald Duck is?»
Long story short, I parked on the other side of Disneyland. I had to get back on the tram, go back to where I started, catch another tram. An hour later, I showed up at the car. Little Jonathan was about five. He came running out, «Daddy, Daddy, where have you been?» I thought, «I will never tell.»
I learned my lesson: Number one, be patient. Number two, let Victoria shop as much as she wants to shop. Number three, do not give away your joy.
Jesus' Words on Peace
Jesus said in John 14:27: «Stop allowing yourself to be upset and agitated.» Notice, it is a choice. He did not say, «I will take away everything that will cause stress and frustration.» No, He said, «It will still be there, but if you have the right approach, it does not have to upset you.»
And we all have to deal with not only delays, inconveniences, but we have to deal with people that are hard to get along with, people that are rude, inconsiderate, annoying—and sometimes it is not a stranger, somebody that is closer to you.
One lady told how one of her husband’s relatives was very opinionated. He was always making these sarcastic, demeaning remarks toward her. This couple had just been married for a little while, and every time they went to a family get-together, invariably, he would say something that offended her.
It would get her upset and end up ruining the whole trip. This happened like clockwork again and again. Got to where she dreaded going to these family events. Finally, she said to her husband, «You have got to do something about this man. He is your relative.»
She expected her husband to say something like, «You are right, honey. Nobody should talk to you like that. I am going to go in there and straighten him out.» But he did just the opposite. He said, «Honey, I love you, but I cannot control this man. He has every right to have his opinion. He can say what he wants to, but you have every right to not let it offend you.»
She could not understand why her husband would not get in there and straighten it out. This happened time and time again. She kept getting upset. Every time he would walk into one room, this man, she would walk into another. If this man came inside, she would make sure she went outside.
Her whole focus was centered on avoiding this man. And one day, it was like a light turned on. She realized she was giving away her joy. She was letting this one person, who has issues of his own, keep her from being who she was meant to be.
Now, you may have somebody in your life like this, and if you do not make this adjustment, you will go the next twenty years allowing them to upset you. Change your approach. Every time you let them irritate you, all that is doing is empowering them.
The next time they do something that would normally get on your nerves, do not give away your joy. When they are rude, keep a smile on your face. If they ignore you, leave you out, do not go call all your friends and talk about it.
No, when you stay on the high road, keep your joy, keep your peace, you are not fueling it anymore. In other words, you are taking away their power. But as long as they know they can push this button and you will get upset, and this button, it will ruin the rest of your day, they will continue to do it.
It says in Psalms 94:13, «God has given us the power to remain calm in times of adversity.» That is saying, «The people may not change. The circumstances may not change, but you have the power to stay calm. You do not have to give away your joy.»
Overcoming Rudeness with Kindness
I called to order a pizza one time. The first thing they always ask for is your phone number. A young lady answered the phone and I said very politely, «Hello,» and I went on to give her my phone number.
You would have thought I had just committed a major crime. She practically screamed in my ear, «Sir, I am not ready for your phone number, and when I am ready, I will ask you for your phone number.»
I thought, «Lady, I will give you my phone number whenever I feel like giving you my phone number.» I could feel myself tempted to be aggravated, upset, irritated. I had to ask myself, «Am I going to give her my joy?»
Was I going to let this young lady that I had never seen, never met, did not want to meet, cause me to get sour, ruin the rest of my evening? Or was I going to say, «No thanks, I need my joy. I have already decided I am not going to get upset. I know I have the power to stay calm in a time of adversity.»
I kept my joy, and I saw it as a challenge. As mean and rude as she was to me, I was going to be that kind and friendly back to her. The scripture says, «We overcome evil with good.»
When somebody is rude, inconsiderate, too often we sink down to their level. We are rude and inconsiderate back to them. But the way to really overcome is to do just the opposite. You have heard the phrase, «Kill them with kindness"—that is what I tried to do.
I thought of anything that I could possibly compliment her on, and I had to use my imagination. I said, «I sure appreciate you answering the phone so quickly and taking my order, being so efficient, and you guys make the best pizzas. You are always on time,» on and on I went.
By the time I was done, she was my best friend. She was throwing in hot wings and Dr. Peppers. Do not give away your joy.
Paul told Timothy in the scripture, «Stay calm, cool, and steady» (2 Timothy 4:5). Some of you are letting things upset you way too easily—traffic, weather, grumpy salesperson, inconsiderate receptionist, family member that talks down to you.
Draw the line in the sand and say, «That is it; this is a new day. I am not giving away my joy anymore. I am going to stay calm, cool, and steady.»
The Law of the Garbage Truck
A friend of mine is a man named David Pollay. He has written a book called «The Law of the Garbage Truck.» He told how he was in New York City, in a taxi cab, headed toward a meeting, when a car pulled out in front of them.
The taxi driver had to slam on his brakes, swerved to the left—missed the other car only by inches. The driver of the other car—it was his fault—but he put his head out the window and started screaming, yelling, had his fist in the air, so angry, so upset, frustrated.
This taxi cab driver—he just smiled, waved at him real big, and drove on—did not give it the time of day. David, sitting in the back seat, was so impressed. He said, «Wow, that man almost totaled your car, sent us both to the hospital. I cannot believe you did not yell back at him. How could you stay so calm?»
The taxi driver had a very insightful answer. He said, «I found most people are like garbage trucks. They go around full of frustration, full of resentment, full of anger. As their garbage piles up, they need some place to dump it, and sometimes they will dump it on you.»
«You cannot take it personally—it does not have anything to do with you. Just smile, wave, and wish them well.» Here is the key: successful people do not let garbage trucks ruin their day.
Somebody dumps a load on you; do not get upset. If you will make that mistake, you will take their garbage and most likely dump it on somebody else. No, keep your lid on. These days, we need to have a steel lid. A lot of people dumping poison, anger, resentment, criticism.
We cannot stop them from dumping it, but if we will keep our lid on tight, it does not have to affect us.
Years ago, I was at an electronics store to buy some parts for our television cameras. The parts were in the back, and the staff members had to go get them for you, and I was standing at the counter.
There was a man behind it, on the telephone. Nobody else was there to wait on me, so I just stood there and waited, and waited. This man could see that I needed help, but he was not the least bit interested in hurrying it.
After about fifteen minutes, he hung up the phone. I was standing right in front of him, not three feet away, but he never looked up. He started reading something. I waited patiently another four, five, six minutes.
Finally I said very politely, «Excuse me, sir, would you mind getting this part for me?» He looked up like I had totally offended him. I gave him the piece of paper with the part number on it. He looked at it for maybe three seconds and basically threw it back at me, said as rude as can be, «We do not even carry that part here.»
Well, I had bought that part there many times before, and again I said very kindly, «Sir, I believe I purchased it here before; would you mind at least taking a look?» His face got real red. Looked like he was about to explode.
He used several curse words—he said, «Son, I am telling you we do not sell it here. Now, do not ever ask me for it again.» I smiled and said, «Have a nice day.» Did not mean it, but at least I said it.
He dumped his garbage, but I thought, «I am not going to let that ruin my day. I know the secret—I have got my lid on. I am not going to let it affect me. I have already decided I am not going to get upset.»
You have to be aware of the garbage trucks in life. When somebody dumps a load on you, do not take it personally. It is not about you—it is about all the trash they have accumulated, all the issues they are not dealing with—you just happen to be the one they dump it on.
The key: keep your lid on tight. Do not let it bother you.
Meekness as Strength Under Control
Jesus put it this way: «Happy are the meek; they will inherit the kingdom of God.» We hear that word «meek,» and a lot of times we think it means weak. We are supposed to let people run all over us, and be insecure, timid.
No, meekness is not weakness; it is strength under control. It is like a wild horse that has been tamed. The horse is just as strong, just as powerful; he can run just as fast. The only difference is now you can go up and pat him; you can ride him. His strength is under control.
When you are a meek person, you do not try to argue with people, prove to them who you are. If somebody is rude to you, sure you could be rude back to them, but your strength is under control.
I could have told that man what I thought of him, what he should do, and where he should go. But you are not going to be happy if you try to straighten everybody out, paying back an insult with another insult, thinking, «I am not going to let you get the best of me.»
No, when you are meek, you do not let things bother you. You do not respond to every critic; you do not get drawn into battles that do not matter. You have the power, the ability—you could easily show them what you are made of—but your strength is under control.
When you live like that, God says you will be happy.
It is like this man I heard about. He was at a small country diner eating a hamburger. This motorcycle gang walked in. These guys were big, tough, mean. One of the bikers, just to show who was in charge, walked over and knocked the man’s hamburger on the ground, picked up his water, poured it on top of the man’s head, said very sarcastically, «I am so sorry; it was just an accident.»
The man calmly picked up his napkin, wiped the water off of his face, walked out of the restaurant. The biker looked at the waiter, shook his head, said, «Not much of a man, is he?» The waiter said, «No, and he is not much of a driver either; he just ran over a dozen Choppers driving out of here.»
That is strength under control!
But throughout life, there will always be something that will try to take our joy. If it is not a grumpy salesperson, it is a family member aggravating, traffic is backed up, your flight got delayed, your spouse is taking too long.
Do not go the next twenty years allowing the same people and same circumstances to frustrate you. Change your approach. What is upsetting you now does not have to upset you anymore. Keep your lid on. Stay calm, cool, and steady.
A relaxed attitude is going to lengthen your life. The next time you are tempted to get upset, ask yourself, «Is this really worth me giving up my joy over?»
If you will make this decision to not give away your joy, to live each day happy, God promises you will be strong, you will have better relationships, you will accomplish more, and I believe and declare you will enjoy the abundant life God has in store. Amen?
Do you receive it today?