Joel Osteen - Let Them Walk
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I want to talk to you today about Let Them Walk. We all have people that God brings across our path that are there for a lifetime: our spouse and children, friends that we cherish. They're loyal and stick with us through thick and thin. But not every relationship is designed to last forever. There are seasons, and sometimes a good season will come to an end. Who you needed to raise your children may not be the same ones you need when they're grown and gone. Other times God has taking you higher, you're growing. The people that have been with you can't go where you're going, so doors will close.
One of the hardest things for us is to let people go. You have to recognize when their part in your story is over. Doesn't mean you can't still be friends, but it's not going to be the same. If not, we try to hold on to things that God has finished with. When that season is over, there's no no grace for it, there's this tension, they want to leave, but we don't want them to go. Now it's a struggle, a strain, trying to force it to work. But when someone wants to walk away, you have to learn to let them walk. We spend too much time trying to convince people to stay, and we have to play up to them, manipulate, "Why aren't they calling? Am I not good enough? I hope they come by". Do yourself a favor: move on with your life. Don't waste another minute trying to convince someone to love you, call you, come see you. You are a gift, you are a treasure, a prized possession.
If someone doesn't recognize your value, they don't treat you like the masterpiece that you are, with respect, with honor, that's a sign that season has changed. You have to move forward. God has already ordained divine connections for you, people that can't live without you, people that love being with you, can't wait to see you. And sometimes the reason we're not seeing these people is we're holding on to the wrong people. Quit chasing someone that doesn't want to be with you, letting them control you, manipulate you, hoping that you'll gain their approval, then they'll let you in their friend group. Here's the problem: if you do convince them, they become your friend, how you started that relationship is how you're going to have to maintain it. It's going to be a constant struggle to keep performing, manipulating, conniving.
Solomon said (Psalm 127:1), "Unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain". If you'll let God bring your relationships and trust him with who comes into your life, then it's not a struggle. You can be who you are, you don't live trying to force people to like you, lower your standards to be accepted. Someone wouldn't want to be in your life, it's no big deal, you let them go. It doesn't mean that they're a bad person, something's wrong with them, they're just not right for you at this time. Maybe they were fine for a season, but this is a new season.
The scripture talks about how God is our doorkeeper, he opens and closes doors in our life. When God closes a door, there's nothing you can do to keep that door open. You can strive, and strain, try to talk people into staying, perform better, that's laboring in vain. All that's going to do is wear you out, frustrate you, cause you to get bitter. Try a new approach and let them go. If people can walk away from you, they're not a part of your destiny. Don't take it personally, don't get offended, be critical, God is ordering your steps.
The people he's ordained to be in your life cannot leave, you can't get rid of them, they love you no matter what. They accept you with no makeup, no coffee, they come when you don't call, they show up when you didn't ask, they laugh with you, cry with you. They don't judge you, you never have to think about performing, manipulating, hoping they like you. They're a divine connection, God ordained mean them to be there. Now, just the opposite is true. The people that are not supposed to be in your life cannot stay. It's not up to them, God has closed that door. No matter how hard you try, how much you serve, give, play up to, it's not going to change. Take the pressure off. Quit trying to win someone over that's not supposed to be there.
We hear that phrase "They ghosted me", and they just disappeared, they didn't call, they didn't respond. They may have ghosted you, but sometimes it's the Holy Ghost shutting that door. They don't even know why, it's because God is your doorkeeper. He knows who's good for you and who's not, who has the right motives and who's just there for what you can do for them. He knows who will add value and move you further into your destiny, and who is a distraction, a dead end there to get you off course. Bottom line: if someone doesn't want to be your friend, don't waste another second trying to convince them. If you have to perform to stay in a relationship, it's always a struggle, you don't feel like you measure up, they're not for you, that's laboring in vain. Let God build your house, trust him to bring the right people.
And here's a key: you have to be at peace with who walks away, at peace with those who don't accept you. Recognize when their part in your story is over. You don't have to get bitter, live offended. God is the one behind the scenes opening and closing doors. That friend may have been great for 10 years, then the season changed, they're not around. Or that person walked out on you, broke your heart. I know that's painful, but you have to realize: if they left you, you didn't need them. If you needed them for your purpose, for your assignment, they would still be there.
The scripture says that "God will never leave us or forsake us". If they walked out, ghosted you, betrayed you and you needed them, that would mean God was forsaking you. You can draw the conclusion: if they walked away, their part in your story was over. If they don't want to be your friend, you don't need them. If they don't value you, make you feel like you have something to offer, they're not for you, you have to move on. Quit trying to talk people into staying that don't want to stay, let them walk.
Jesus told his disciples, "When you go into a city, if they don't accept the message of the good news, they're not for you, and they don't want you to be there", he didn't say, "Man, you got to work harder, spend more time, try to convince them". No he said (Matthew 10:14), "Shake the dust off your feet and go on to the next city". He was saying, "Don't waste your time trying to win people over that are not a part of your destiny". Someone doesn't want to be with you, they don't like you, they don't validate you: shake the dust off and move on. Except that they're not a part of your story.
If they can walk away, you have to let them walk. If you try to convince them, it's going to be a constant source of frustration. And yes, God can change their mind. If they're supposed to be there, he'll turn things around. But you're not supposed to live trying to talk people into liking you, being your friend, hoping they call. God created you in his own image, you have royal blood flowing through your veins. He's already lined up people that recognize your value, people that love being with you.
There's a lady in the scripture named Naomi. Her husband passed away, and she became a widow at a young age. 10 years later both of her grown sons were killed. She was so heartbroken, she decided to move back to her hometown of Bethlehem. She told her two daughters-in-law Ruth and Orpah that they should move back to their homes as well, and go on with their lives. The three of them packed up their belongings and headed out on the road toward Judah. They came to an intersection and stopped. Naomi said, "This is where we part ways, you both go that way, and I'm going to go on to Bethlehem". The scripture says, "Orpah kissed Naomi goodbye and headed down the road".
Orpah was a good person, she loved Naomi, but now she was leaving. Naomi could have been upset, thought "Man, after all I did for her she's leaving me in my darkest time, when I need her the most". No, Naomi understood: this was a new season, that things had changed, that it was okay for her to walk away. She was at peace with who left. And she accepted Orpah not being a part of her life in the same way without being critical and bitter toward her. We like to hold on to people, "Stay here, meet my needs, keep it the same". It's a mark of maturity to let people walk away. Takes trust. You're saying, "God, I know you're my doorkeeper. You're opening and closing the doors of relationships in my life".
The other daughter-in-law Ruth was just the opposite. Naomi tried to get her to leave, she said "Ruth there's no future going with me, nothing in Bethlehem for you, you deserve more for your life". She gave her best speech, every opportunity to leave with no guilt, but Ruth said in verse 16, "Naomi, I can't leave. I will go wherever you go, live wherever you live. Your people will be my people, your God will be my God. May the Lord punish me if I allow anything to separate us". How could one daughter-in-law leaves so easily, the other want to stay? They both love their mother-in-law, but Ruth sense that her destiny was tied to Naomi. She felt this connection that was stronger than her own family. She watched her sister-in-law Orpah walk away, but something in her said, "You have to stay".
In life you'll have a lot of Orpah's, people that leave. They're good people, but the season is over, things change, they're busy, distracted. You have to let them go. Be at peace with who left. Don't fault them, don't get critical. God is closing the door, they're in Orpah. They were instrumental in your life for a season, they were necessary, but now their part in your story is over. The good news is: God will always give you a Ruth, someone you can't get rid of. They stick with you through thick and thin, they know their destiny is tied to you. But sometimes we try to convince the Orpah's to stay, spending time and energy, got to manipulate, perform. Orpah loved Naomi, but she left. People can love you and leave. If they walk away, they're not a bad person, God shut the door. That season ended.
But when it's a Ruth, there's nothing you can do to convince them to go. When you understand this, it takes the pressure off. You're not frustrated over who left, bitter over that person that ghosted you, striving to get that coworker to accept you. That's laboring in vain. Let God bring your relationships, trust him with your open and closed doors. If someone leaves, do like Naomi: kiss them goodbye. Not bitter, angry, "Man, they never call me back, why won't they invite me to their group", you're not supposed to be there. You can't open a door that God has closed, and you can't close a door that God has open. They can't leave when God has purposed it. If they walked away, they were supposed to go. If they didn't stay, you didn't need them, kiss them goodbye and move on.
The mistake we make sometimes is instead of kissing them goodbye, we kick them goodbye, "Good riddance, get out of here, I didn't like you anyway", talk bad, critical, live offended. They may have done you wrong, betrayed you, left you out: God is your vindicator. He'll take care of who hurts you, but if you let that bitterness get on the inside, it's going to poison your next relationship. You have to be at peace with who left, you have to accept who walked away as a part of God's plan. Yes, it was painful, wasn't fair, but God wouldn't have allowed it if it wasn't moving you toward your destiny. And sometimes he closes doors we don't understand, he takes the Orpah's out of our life, people we were counting on, friends we were used to, but he always has a Ruth, he always has the right people, destiny connections.
The late 1950s, my father was pastoring a successful church. It was growing and just built a beautiful new sanctuary, the future looks so bright. My sister Lisa was born with something like cerebral palsy, the doctors told my parents that she'd probably never be able to walk or feed herself. My father went away for a few days to read the scripture like he had never read it before. He saw how Jesus went around healing people, doing miracles, and how when you believe all things are possible. He was taught in seminary back then that miracles only happen in Bible days. He came back to his church with a new fire, and he shared this message of faith and victory.
He thought everyone would be excited, but it was just the opposite, it didn't fit into their tradition. Things got so contentious and so divisive, that my parents were forced out of the church, they had to resign. My mother was 26 years old, she had lifelong friends that never spoke to her again. People she had known for years, gone to school with, raised children with, done life together, now they walked away, wouldn't have anything to do with her. Mother is about to be 91 years old, I have never heard her say one negative thing about those people. Never heard her complain about them, belittle them.
Sure it was hurtful, she felt the sting of rejection, being misunderstood, some of them talked about her and my father. She could have tried to defend herself, convince them to change their mind, keep them on her side. She understood this principle: if people can walk away, you have to let them walk. If they leave you, accept it as a part of your destiny. Don't spend your life trying to change people's minds and win them over, convince them to approve you. Like Naomi, you have to kiss them goodbye. Not bitter, "I'll show, you I'm going to make you look bad", leave it in God's hands. When you're at peace with who walked away, you're passing the test. That's when you'll see the new things God is doing.
My parents went out and started Lakewood, mother's day 1959, with 90 people. The critics said it would never last, but here we are today, 65 years later, and still going strong. The fact is: my parents couldn't have fulfilled their destiny at that church, it was a limited environment. Orpah had to walk away, those people had to misunderstand my parents, they had to reject them. It was painful, but it was God closing the door. You're not always going to understand what God is doing, and why this person treated you this way. You've been good to them, but they left you out, said things that weren't true. Leave it in God's hands. Don't spend all your energy trying to convince people to stay that don't want to stay. Some people no matter what you do, how hard you try and how good you are to them, they're going to find fault, misunderstand, want to leave. Best thing you can do is let them go.
There's something called the gift of goodbye. We see it as a disappointment, really they're doing you a favor. They had to leave so you can see the greater things, the levels you couldn't reach with those same people. It doesn't mean they're bad, it's just a new season. God is doing a new thing, so Orpah has to go, but Ruth will always be there. God is controlling the doors in your life, who comes in and out of relationships. If Ruth had walked away, said like Orpah, "I'm out of here, I'm going to greener pastures, I'm not staying with this old woman", if she had not stuck with Naomi, she would have never married Boaz and become the great grandmother of king David.
Now, we understand why she said "I cannot leave". Not, "Maybe I'll come with you, Naomi. Maybe I'll go home for a few months, and then come back and see you". The people God has ordained for you cannot walk away. Listen to Ruth's language, "May the Lord punish me if I allow anything to separate us". God will put such a strong desire in those who are supposed to stay that they can't leave. Now, quit worrying about the Orpah, "Man, why didn't they stay"? Or thinking you have to work harder, perform better, convince them to not leave. That's not your job. Take the pressure off: you have a doorkeeper, a God who opens and closes doors, a God who moves people out on purpose, and a God who causes people to not be able to walk away.
Your part, my part is to honor God, treat people with respect, be kind, be loving, but you don't have to beg people to stay, you don't have to play up to that friend, hoping they'll give you the time of day. Let that coworker manipulate, talk down, belittle, if not they won't accept you, you don't need them. The sooner you let them walk away, the better off you're going to be. And I'm not saying to be rude, mean, and treat them the same way. I'm just saying quit depending on them for your value, thinking you have to have them to reach your destiny. You don't need them to feel good about who you are. Let them walk away, and God will bring people into your life that see you as a masterpiece, people that celebrate who you are, that love spending time with you.
And I know when someone leaves it's hard, to be looked down on, betrayed, rejected, but what if you knew, like my parents, that it had to happen so you could see your Lakewood? What if you knew God closing the door was to take you to greater levels? It was a disappointment, but in fact them walking away is a present. They gave you the gift of goodbye. Quit being discouraged over who left. If they can leave, they're not a part of your destiny. The people that you need for this season cannot walk away.
It's very freeing when you realize: God is your doorkeeper. He's going to have the right people for the right each season of your life. May not be who it's always been, I don't mean your spouse, your children, they're with you, I'm talking about friends, co-workers, people you grew up with. Yes, some are long term, but some may walk away. You have to be at peace with who leaves. Some people they've been playing up to people for years, letting them control them, manipulate, live under so much pressure, all because they're afraid: if they don't perform, this person may leave, may not call, may not approve. This can save you a lot of heartache. Let them walk. They don't want to be your friend? It's their loss, not yours. If they don't call, shake the dust off and move on. If they ghost you, take it as the Holy Ghost shutting that door, keeping you from that jerk, I mean that person.
Few years after my father passed, the church was really growing, and we needed a larger auditorium. My father always said that he would never move the church. I was young, I didn't want to rock the boat, but when we got word that the Compaq Center became available, I knew it was supposed to be ours. I didn't announce it, but it came out in the news. 99% of the congregation was completely for it, everyone's so excited, but there was this one man, he would find me after every service, "Joel, you know, your dad said he wouldn't move the church. It's not right to go to that other location. And if you go, I'm not going to come". Well, my personality is to want everybody to be for me. I said, "Well, man, let's just pray, let's just wait, let's just see what happens", hoping to change his mind, convince him to get on board.
But after about the 40th time of him telling me it wasn't right, he wasn't going to come, something shifted in my spirit. I didn't say it, but I thought to myself, "I hope you don't come, in fact you're not even invited", a stronghold was broken in my mind, thinking that if he leaves the world's going to fall apart. You can't accomplish your dreams worried about who's going to walk away, who's going to accept you, and "I got to perform", play up to them, make them like me. That's no way to live. Why don't you take the pressure off? No matter how much Naomi would have tried, she couldn't have made Orpah stay. That wasn't a part of her destiny, she was ordained to move on. She wasn't a bad person, it was just a new season. And some people can't go where God has taking you. They're good people, they're great for a season, but God has ordained you to go higher. It's going to take greater commitment, greater faith, greater consecration, so he'll remove certain people that would limit you, so you can fulfill your purpose.
John chapter 6, Jesus was teaching his disciples about commitment, and what it meant to be a follower of Christ. Some of them didn't understand. Verse 66 says, "At that point, many of his disciples turned away and deserted him". Here Jesus had given his life for them. They'd seen him do great miracles, traveled with him, eaten together, laughed together, but they walked away. "Jesus looked at the 12 disciples and said, 'are you going to leave too?' Peter said, 'Jesus, where would we go? You have eternal life. We believe you're the Son of God'". He couldn't get rid of the 12. What's interesting is you never read where Jesus went chasing after the many disciples that left that day. He chased after that one lost sheep that got off course, but he didn't go chasing after people that didn't want to stay.
Your destiny is not tied to those that left you. God doesn't need anything you lost to bless you. Those that walked away, didn't understand, that betrayed, they didn't stop what God has for you. Let it go. Quit dwelling on it, reliving the hurt, hoping that you can pay them back, trying to change their mind. God closed that door. I'm asking you to be at peace with those who have walked away. Quit trying to hold on to people that don't want to be there. You're not supposed to chase people to love you, and accept you, and believe in you. You don't need them.
This takes the pressure off: no more striving, straining, trying to convince people to be for you. That's laboring in vain. Trust God to be your doorkeeper. Trust him with your relationships. If you'll do this, I believe and declare: God will bring you divine connections, the right people for every season. Orpah may have left, but God has some Ruth's coming for you, people that cannot leave, in Jesus name. And if you receive it, can you say amen?