Joel Osteen - Let Them Walk

Today we’re learning to let people walk away when their season in our life is over—recognizing divine connections that last and accepting when God closes doors on relationships that no longer fit, trusting Him as our doorkeeper to bring the right people for each new season.

Not Every Relationship Lasts Forever

I want to talk to you today about let them walk. We all have people that God brings across our path that are there for a lifetime: our spouse and children, friends that we cherish. They are loyal and stick with us through thick and thin. But not every relationship is designed to last forever. There are seasons, and sometimes a good season will come to an end.

Who you needed to raise your children may not be the same ones you need when they are grown and gone. Other times God is taking you higher; you are growing. The people that have been with you cannot go where you are going, so doors will close.

Recognize When Their Part Is Over

One of the hardest things for us is to let people go. You have to recognize when their part in your story is over. It does not mean you cannot still be friends, but it is not going to be the same. If not, we try to hold on to things that God has finished with.

When that season is over, there is no grace for it; there is this tension—they want to leave, but we do not want them to go. Now it is a struggle, a strain, trying to force it to work. But when someone wants to walk away, you have to learn to let them walk.

Stop Convincing People to Stay

We spend too much time trying to convince people to stay, and we have to play up to them, manipulate: «Why are they not calling? Am I not good enough? I hope they come by.» Do yourself a favor: move on with your life. Do not waste another minute trying to convince someone to love you, call you, come see you.

You are a gift; you are a treasure, a prized possession. If someone does not recognize your value, they do not treat you like the masterpiece that you are—with respect, with honor—that is a sign that season has changed. You have to move forward.

Divine Connections Are Coming

God has already ordained divine connections for you—people that cannot live without you, people that love being with you, cannot wait to see you. And sometimes the reason we are not seeing these people is we are holding on to the wrong people.

Quit chasing someone that does not want to be with you, letting them control you, manipulate you, hoping that you will gain their approval, then they will let you in their friend group. Here is the problem: if you do convince them, they become your friend—how you started that relationship is how you are going to have to maintain it. It is going to be a constant struggle to keep performing, manipulating, conniving.

Let God Build Your Relationships

Solomon said (Psalm 127:1), «Unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain.» If you will let God bring your relationships and trust Him with who comes into your life, then it is not a struggle. You can be who you are; you do not live trying to force people to like you, lower your standards to be accepted.

Someone would not want to be in your life—it is no big deal; you let them go. It does not mean that they are a bad person, something is wrong with them—they are just not right for you at this time. Maybe they were fine for a season, but this is a new season.

God Is Your Doorkeeper

The scripture talks about how God is our doorkeeper; He opens and closes doors in our life. When God closes a door, there is nothing you can do to keep that door open. You can strive and strain, try to talk people into staying, perform better—that is laboring in vain. All that is going to do is wear you out, frustrate you, cause you to get bitter.

Try a new approach and let them go. If people can walk away from you, they are not a part of your destiny. Do not take it personally; do not get offended, be critical—God is ordering your steps.

Divine Connections Cannot Leave

The people He has ordained to be in your life cannot leave; you cannot get rid of them; they love you no matter what. They accept you with no makeup, no coffee; they come when you do not call; they show up when you did not ask; they laugh with you, cry with you. They do not judge you; you never have to think about performing, manipulating, hoping they like you. They are a divine connection; God ordained them to be there.

Now, just the opposite is true. The people that are not supposed to be in your life cannot stay. It is not up to them; God has closed that door. No matter how hard you try, how much you serve, give, play up to—it is not going to change. Take the pressure off. Quit trying to win someone over that is not supposed to be there.

Sometimes the Holy Ghost «Ghosts» Them

We hear that phrase «They ghosted me"—and they just disappeared; they did not call; they did not respond. They may have ghosted you, but sometimes it is the Holy Ghost shutting that door. They do not even know why; it is because God is your doorkeeper.

He knows who is good for you and who is not, who has the right motives and who is just there for what you can do for them. He knows who will add value and move you further into your destiny, and who is a distraction, a dead end there to get you off course.

Bottom line: if someone does not want to be your friend, do not waste another second trying to convince them. If you have to perform to stay in a relationship—it is always a struggle; you do not feel like you measure up—they are not for you; that is laboring in vain. Let God build your house; trust Him to bring the right people.

Be at Peace With Who Walks Away

And here is a key: you have to be at peace with who walks away, at peace with those who do not accept you. Recognize when their part in your story is over. You do not have to get bitter, live offended. God is the one behind the scenes opening and closing doors.

That friend may have been great for ten years; then the season changed—they are not around. Or that person walked out on you, broke your heart. I know that is painful, but you have to realize: if they left you, you did not need them. If you needed them for your purpose, for your assignment, they would still be there.

If They Left, You Didn’t Need Them

The scripture says that «God will never leave us or forsake us.» If they walked out, ghosted you, betrayed you and you needed them—that would mean God was forsaking you. You can draw the conclusion: if they walked away, their part in your story was over. If they do not want to be your friend, you do not need them. If they do not value you, make you feel like you have something to offer—they are not for you; you have to move on.

Quit trying to talk people into staying that do not want to stay; let them walk.

Shake the Dust Off and Move On

Jesus told His disciples, «When you go into a city, if they do not accept the message of the good news, they are not for you, and they do not want you to be there"—He did not say, «Man, you got to work harder, spend more time, try to convince them.» No, He said (Matthew 10:14), «Shake the dust off your feet and go on to the next city.»

He was saying, «Do not waste your time trying to win people over that are not a part of your destiny.» Someone does not want to be with you, they do not like you, they do not validate you: shake the dust off and move on. Accept that they are not a part of your story.

If they can walk away, you have to let them walk. If you try to convince them, it is going to be a constant source of frustration. And yes, God can change their mind. If they are supposed to be there, He will turn things around. But you are not supposed to live trying to talk people into liking you, being your friend, hoping they call.

Naomi, Orpah, and Ruth

God created you in His own image; you have royal blood flowing through your veins. He has already lined up people that recognize your value, people that love being with you.

There is a lady in the scripture named Naomi. Her husband passed away, and she became a widow at a young age. Ten years later both of her grown sons were killed. She was so heartbroken; she decided to move back to her hometown of Bethlehem. She told her two daughters-in-law Ruth and Orpah that they should move back to their homes as well and go on with their lives.

The three of them packed up their belongings and headed out on the road toward Judah. They came to an intersection and stopped. Naomi said, «This is where we part ways—you both go that way, and I am going to go on to Bethlehem.» The scripture says, «Orpah kissed Naomi goodbye and headed down the road.»

A Mark of Maturity: Let Them Go

Orpah was a good person; she loved Naomi, but now she was leaving. Naomi could have been upset, thought, «Man, after all I did for her she is leaving me in my darkest time, when I need her the most.» No, Naomi understood: this was a new season, that things had changed, that it was okay for her to walk away.

She was at peace with who left. And she accepted Orpah not being a part of her life in the same way without being critical and bitter toward her. We like to hold on to people: «Stay here, meet my needs, keep it the same.» It is a mark of maturity to let people walk away. It takes trust. You are saying, «God, I know You are my doorkeeper. You are opening and closing the doors of relationships in my life.»

Ruth Could Not Be Convinced to Leave

The other daughter-in-law Ruth was just the opposite. Naomi tried to get her to leave; she said, «Ruth, there is no future going with me—nothing in Bethlehem for you; you deserve more for your life.» She gave her best speech, every opportunity to leave with no guilt, but Ruth said in verse 16, «Naomi, I cannot leave. I will go wherever you go, live wherever you live. Your people will be my people, your God will be my God. May the Lord punish me if I allow anything to separate us.»

How could one daughter-in-law leave so easily, the other want to stay? They both loved their mother-in-law, but Ruth sensed that her destiny was tied to Naomi. She felt this connection that was stronger than her own family. She watched her sister-in-law Orpah walk away, but something in her said, «You have to stay.»

You’ll Have Orpahs—Let Them Go

In life you will have a lot of Orpahs—people that leave. They are good people, but the season is over; things change; they are busy, distracted. You have to let them go. Be at peace with who left. Do not fault them; do not get critical. God is closing the door; they are an Orpah.

They were instrumental in your life for a season; they were necessary, but now their part in your story is over. The good news is: God will always give you a Ruth—someone you cannot get rid of. They stick with you through thick and thin; they know their destiny is tied to you.

Don’t Chase the Orpahs

But sometimes we try to convince the Orpahs to stay—spending time and energy, got to manipulate, perform. Orpah loved Naomi, but she left. People can love you and leave. If they walk away, they are not a bad person; God shut the door. That season ended.

But when it is a Ruth, there is nothing you can do to convince them to go. When you understand this, it takes the pressure off. You are not frustrated over who left, bitter over that person that ghosted you, striving to get that coworker to accept you. That is laboring in vain.

Kiss Them Goodbye—Not Kick Them

Let God bring your relationships; trust Him with your open and closed doors. If someone leaves, do like Naomi: kiss them goodbye—not bitter, angry: «Man, they never call me back; why will they not invite me to their group?» You are not supposed to be there.

You cannot open a door that God has closed, and you cannot close a door that God has opened. They cannot leave when God has purposed it. If they walked away, they were supposed to go. If they did not stay, you did not need them—kiss them goodbye and move on.

The mistake we make sometimes is instead of kissing them goodbye, we kick them goodbye: «Good riddance; get out of here; I did not like you anyway"—talk bad, critical, live offended.

Bitterness Poisons Your Future

They may have done you wrong, betrayed you, left you out: God is your vindicator. He will take care of who hurts you, but if you let that bitterness get on the inside, it is going to poison your next relationship.

You have to be at peace with who left; you have to accept who walked away as a part of God’s plan. Yes, it was painful, was not fair, but God would not have allowed it if it was not moving you toward your destiny.

And sometimes He closes doors we do not understand; He takes the Orpahs out of our life—people we were counting on, friends we were used to—but He always has a Ruth; He always has the right people, destiny connections.

John and Victoria’s Church Story

In the late 1950s my father was pastoring a successful church. It was growing and just built a beautiful new sanctuary; the future looked so bright. My sister Lisa was born with something like cerebral palsy; the doctors told my parents that she would probably never be able to walk or feed herself.

My father went away for a few days to read the scripture like he had never read it before. He saw how Jesus went around healing people, doing miracles, and how when you believe all things are possible. He was taught in seminary back then that miracles only happen in Bible days.

He came back to his church with a new fire, and he shared this message of faith and victory. He thought everyone would be excited, but it was just the opposite—it did not fit into their tradition. Things got so contentious and so divisive that my parents were forced out of the church; they had to resign.

Victoria Never Spoke Negatively

My mother was twenty-six years old; she had lifelong friends that never spoke to her again. People she had known for years—gone to school with, raised children with, done life together—now they walked away, would not have anything to do with her.

Mother is about to be ninety-one years old; I have never heard her say one negative thing about those people—never heard her complain about them, belittle them. Sure it was hurtful; she felt the sting of rejection, being misunderstood; some of them talked about her and my father.

She could have tried to defend herself, convince them to change their mind, keep them on her side. She understood this principle: if people can walk away, you have to let them walk. If they leave you, accept it as a part of your destiny.

The Gift of Goodbye

Do not spend your life trying to change people’s minds and win them over, convince them to approve you. Like Naomi, you have to kiss them goodbye—not bitter: «I will show you; I am going to make you look bad"—leave it in God’s hands.

When you are at peace with who walked away, you are passing the test. That is when you will see the new things God is doing.

My parents went out and started Lakewood—Mother’s Day 1959—with ninety people. The critics said it would never last, but here we are today, sixty-five years later, and still going strong.

The fact is: my parents could not have fulfilled their destiny at that church; it was a limited environment. Orpah had to walk away; those people had to misunderstand my parents; they had to reject them. It was painful, but it was God closing the door.

God Closes Doors for Greater Levels

You are not always going to understand what God is doing and why this person treated you this way. You have been good to them, but they left you out, said things that were not true. Leave it in God’s hands.

Do not spend all your energy trying to convince people to stay that do not want to stay. Some people—no matter what you do, how hard you try and how good you are to them—they are going to find fault, misunderstand, want to leave. The best thing you can do is let them go.

There is something called the gift of goodbye. We see it as a disappointment; really they are doing you a favor. They had to leave so you can see the greater things, the levels you could not reach with those same people. It does not mean they are bad; it is just a new season. God is doing a new thing—so Orpah has to go, but Ruth will always be there.

Ruth’s Destiny Was Tied to Naomi

God is controlling the doors in your life—who comes in and out of relationships. If Ruth had walked away, said like Orpah, «I am out of here; I am going to greener pastures; I am not staying with this old woman"—if she had not stuck with Naomi, she would have never married Boaz and become the great-grandmother of King David.

Now we understand why she said, «I cannot leave"—not, «Maybe I will come with you, Naomi. Maybe I will go home for a few months and then come back and see you.» The people God has ordained for you cannot walk away.

Listen to Ruth’s language: «May the Lord punish me if I allow anything to separate us.» God will put such a strong desire in those who are supposed to stay that they cannot leave.

Trust God as Your Doorkeeper

Now quit worrying about the Orpah: «Man, why did they not stay?» Or thinking you have to work harder, perform better, convince them to not leave. That is not your job. Take the pressure off: you have a doorkeeper—a God who opens and closes doors, a God who moves people out on purpose, and a God who causes people to not be able to walk away.

Your part, my part is to honor God, treat people with respect, be kind, be loving—but you do not have to beg people to stay; you do not have to play up to that friend hoping they will give you the time of day.

Let Them Walk—God Has Ruths Coming

Let that coworker manipulate, talk down, belittle—if not they will not accept you, you do not need them. The sooner you let them walk away, the better off you are going to be.

And I am not saying to be rude, mean, and treat them the same way. I am just saying quit depending on them for your value, thinking you have to have them to reach your destiny. You do not need them to feel good about who you are.

Let them walk away, and God will bring people into your life that see you as a masterpiece—people that celebrate who you are, that love spending time with you.

The Compaq Center and One Critic

And I know when someone leaves it is hard—to be looked down on, betrayed, rejected—but what if you knew, like my parents, that it had to happen so you could see your Lakewood? What if you knew God closing the door was to take you to greater levels?

It was a disappointment, but in fact them walking away is a present. They gave you the gift of goodbye. Quit being discouraged over who left. If they can leave, they are not a part of your destiny. The people that you need for this season cannot walk away.

It is very freeing when you realize: God is your doorkeeper. He is going to have the right people for each season of your life. It may not be who it has always been—I do not mean your spouse, your children; they are with you—I am talking about friends, coworkers, people you grew up with. Yes, some are long-term, but some may walk away. You have to be at peace with who leaves.

No More Performing for Approval

Some people have been playing up to people for years, letting them control them, manipulate, live under so much pressure—all because they are afraid: if they do not perform, this person may leave, may not call, may not approve.

This can save you a lot of heartache: let them walk. They do not want to be your friend? It is their loss, not yours. If they do not call, shake the dust off and move on. If they ghost you, take it as the Holy Ghost shutting that door—keeping you from that jerk, I mean that person.

A few years after my father passed, the church was really growing, and we needed a larger auditorium. My father always said that he would never move the church. I was young; I did not want to rock the boat, but when we got word that the Compaq Center became available, I knew it was supposed to be ours.

A Stronghold Broken

I did not announce it, but it came out in the news. Ninety-nine percent of the congregation was completely for it—everyone so excited—but there was this one man; he would find me after every service: «Joel, you know your dad said he would not move the church. It is not right to go to that other location. And if you go, I am not going to come.»

Well, my personality is to want everybody to be for me. I said, «Well, man, let us just pray; let us just wait; let us just see what happens"—hoping to change his mind, convince him to get on board.

But after about the fortieth time of him telling me it was not right, he was not going to come—something shifted in my spirit. I did not say it, but I thought to myself, «I hope you do not come; in fact you are not even invited.» A stronghold was broken in my mind—thinking that if he leaves the world is going to fall apart.

Some Can’t Go Where God Takes You

You cannot accomplish your dreams worried about who is going to walk away, who is going to accept you, and «I got to perform"—play up to them, make them like me. That is no way to live.

Why do you not take the pressure off? No matter how much Naomi would have tried, she could not have made Orpah stay. That was not a part of her destiny; she was ordained to move on. She was not a bad person; it was just a new season.

And some people cannot go where God is taking you. They are good people; they are great for a season, but God has ordained you to go higher. It is going to take greater commitment, greater faith, greater consecration—so He will remove certain people that would limit you, so you can fulfill your purpose.

Jesus Didn’t Chase Those Who Left

John chapter 6: Jesus was teaching His disciples about commitment and what it meant to be a follower of Christ. Some of them did not understand. Verse 66 says, «At that point many of His disciples turned away and deserted Him.»

Here Jesus had given His life for them. They had seen Him do great miracles, traveled with Him, eaten together, laughed together—but they walked away. Jesus looked at the twelve disciples and said, «Are you going to leave too?» Peter said, «Jesus, where would we go? You have eternal life. We believe You are the Son of God.» He could not get rid of the twelve.

What is interesting is you never read where Jesus went chasing after the many disciples that left that day. He chased after that one lost sheep that got off course, but He did not go chasing after people that did not want to stay.

Your Destiny Isn’t Tied to Who Left

Your destiny is not tied to those that left you. God does not need anything you lost to bless you. Those that walked away, did not understand, that betrayed—they did not stop what God has for you.

Let it go. Quit dwelling on it, reliving the hurt, hoping that you can pay them back, trying to change their mind. God closed that door. I am asking you to be at peace with those who have walked away.

Quit trying to hold on to people that do not want to be there. You are not supposed to chase people to love you and accept you and believe in you. You do not need them.

Divine Connections Are on the Way

This takes the pressure off: no more striving, straining, trying to convince people to be for you. That is laboring in vain.

Trust God to be your doorkeeper. Trust Him with your relationships. If you will do this, I believe and declare: God will bring you divine connections—the right people for every season. Orpah may have left, but God has some Ruths coming for you—people that cannot leave, in Jesus' name.

And if you receive it, can you say amen?