Joel Osteen - Build Yourself Up
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We all crave encouragement from others, but depending on people for our self-worth and confidence is unhealthy—God wants us to build ourselves up, as Jude 1:20 urges, learning to approve, compliment, and celebrate ourselves so we’re not at the mercy of others' applause or criticism.
Why We Crave Approval from Others
I want to talk to you today about building yourself up. It is good to have people that cheer us on and speak faith into our life. A spouse that compliments us, a neighbor with an uplifting word, a friend that is always there to encourage.
It is healthy when you have people that make you feel valued and appreciated, but it becomes unhealthy if you start depending on them to keep you cheered up. If they do not compliment you, you do not feel good about who you are. If they are not there to encourage you, you do not have the passion.
The Danger of Addiction to Compliments
That coworker does not tell you you did good on your project—you are down, thinking you are not enough. We can become addicted to approval and addicted to compliments, to where we base our value, our worth on what people are telling us. Kind of like a drug, we need them to feel good about who we are.
But God did not create you to be dependent on someone else to keep you fixed. He uses people in those ways, but at some point He is going to pull them back. He is not going to let them keep giving you that; otherwise you would get stuck.
People Will Let You Down
The problem with relying on people is people can let you down. People can be busy and they are not there when you need them. People have their own issues: raising their children, struggling with their marriage.
If you are counting on them to call you each morning and prop you up, tell you how good you look at work, and encourage you in every difficulty—that is a codependent relationship. You need them to feel good about who you are.
Learn to Compliment Yourself
Here is the key: if nobody is complimenting you, you need to learn to compliment yourself. If nobody told you that you look good today, why do you not look in the mirror and say, «Wow, you look good! You are a masterpiece! One of a kind! A prized possession.»
Nobody made you feel special—your friend did not call, that neighbor did not come over. Good news: you can make yourself feel special. «I am a child of the Most High. I have been handpicked by the Creator of the universe. I have royal blood flowing through my veins.»
Take Control of Your Self-Worth
Quit putting how you feel about yourself—your mood, your value—in someone else’s hands. The scripture (Jude 1:20) says, «Build yourself up.» Do not rely on other people to affirm, to approve, to validate.
Approve yourself: «I am made in the image of Almighty God. I am approved; I am worthy; I am valuable.»
Stop Being at Others’ Mercy
When you are trying to get your approval and your validation from other people, you are at their mercy. They are having a bad day, they are upset, mad at their spouse—you are not going to get what you were hoping for.
But when you learn to build yourself up, what they give or do not give does not affect you. You are already built up; you already know who you are.
A Powerful Way to Live
You do not need other people to keep you fixed. You encouraged yourself; you complimented yourself; you approved yourself. This is a powerful way to live: nobody else is controlling your mood, your self-worth—you have taken control.
Every morning before you leave the house, you need to build yourself up. Do not go out hoping to get encouraged, hoping someone makes you feel good.
Don’t Live on a Roller Coaster
«Maybe my friend will cheer me up. Maybe my coworker will compliment me, make me feel valuable.» They do not control your value; do not give them that power.
If you are trying to get those things from people, you are going to live on a roller coaster. One day people will love you, and the next day they are talking behind your back.
Build Yourself Up Daily
One day your friend is full of compliments; the next day they are full of a lot of other stuff. One day your spouse is so encouraging, uplifting; the next day she is dealing with PMS—that means «Pretty Mean Sister.» She is telling you everything you are not.
When you build yourself up, you are not moved by the negative chatter. You are not bitter over who did not give you credit; you are not frustrated because people did not approve you.
Celebrate Your Own Wins
You have already approved yourself. Nobody said anything good about all your hard work? That is okay; you already complimented yourself.
Nobody clapped for your excellent presentation—the ones that should have been so encouraging, happy for you—they got jealous; they found fault? That is all right; you already clapped for yourself.
Thank God for Your Gifts
They did not celebrate you, but you celebrated yourself: «Father, thank you for helping me to shine. Thank you for my gifts, my talents, causing me to excel.»
You are not dependent on what others do to feel good about who you are.
My Habit After Every Message
Every time I walk off this platform and finish another message, I say, «Joel, that was good today. You did excellent.» And I do not mean that arrogantly, but I have learned to celebrate myself.
It may not have been as good as what someone else could do—there are ministers more skilled, more experienced—but I did it to the best of my ability.
It’s Healthy to Clap for Yourself
It is healthy to clap for yourself, to celebrate what you have done. You are not bragging on you; you are bragging on the gifts, the talents, the abilities that God has given you.
But some people—no matter what they do—it is never enough. There is always a nagging voice telling them they should have done better.
Silence That Inner Critic
They live with this inner critic constantly putting them down, pointing out their faults, magnifying the negative.
Do yourself a favor: tune out that inner critic. You have enough people on the outside trying to push you down, limit your potential, lessen your value—you do not need one on the inside.
Nobody Should Be More For You Than You
Nobody should be more for you than you. That is not being selfish; that is being responsible with the gift God has given you.
Learn to celebrate yourself. You clap for others—when was the last time you clapped for yourself?
Be Free With Self-Compliments
You compliment your friends—when was the last time you complimented yourself? You brag on your coworker: «That was excellent; you did great”—when was the last time you bragged on you?
The more you applaud yourself, the less dependent you are on other people’s applause. If you approve yourself, you are not going to be needy for other people’s approval.
You Already Know Who You Are
If you are free with your compliments to yourself, then you will not be insecure, trying to play up to people to win their compliments, get them to validate you, tell you that you are good. You will not need that.
You have already built yourself up with who God says you are. You already know you are valuable, worthy, talented, attractive, exceptional.
When Criticism Doesn’t Phase You
One time I was talking to a man after the service. He was very nice, but he said, „Joel, I just did not understand that point that you made in your message. It did not make sense to me.“
If I had heard that the first couple of years I had been ministering, I would have been depressed for two months, gone home defeated, feeling inadequate—but I have learned what I am telling you.
Jesus Didn’t Need Human Approval
I did not need his applause; I had already clapped for myself. I was not basing my joy, my worth, my confidence on what he did or did not give me. I had already built myself up.
I love what Jesus said (John 5:41): „Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me.“ He was not being disrespectful; He was simply saying, „I know who I am, and I know where I get my value.“
Get to That Secure Place
That is the place we need to get to. We do not have to have people’s approval to feel good about who we are. Sure, there will be those that disapprove—that does not faze us.
We do not get defensive and try to straighten them out; we do not get discouraged and go around feeling less than—we keep our shoulders back; we know who we are.
Build Up Your Inner Strength
When that man told me that he did not understand my point, I thought to myself—I did not say it, but I thought—“I cannot help it if there is something wrong with you.»
When you are built up on the inside, that is going to protect you from what comes on the outside.
My Morning Routine of Self-Encouragement
The first thing I do every morning—after I thank God for what He has done—is I remind myself who I am.
«Lord, I thank You that You chose me before I could choose You. That I am a person of destiny, redeemed and forgiven. You have made me worthy; You have approved me; You have accepted me. You have crowned me with Your favor. You have put a robe of righteousness on me. You have planned out all of my days for good.»
Don’t Depend on Others to Cheer You Up
I never leave the house without building myself up. That is why I am not waiting for someone else to build me up—hoping that my spouse says something to cheer me up, hoping that my coworker claps for me so I will feel valuable, hoping my friend compliments me so I will be secure.
No, quit depending on people—that is no way to live. That is putting your self-worth, your mood into their hands. Put it in God’s hands.
Only God Can Truly Fill You
The scripture (John 7:38) says, «Out of your belly shall flow rivers of living water.» We are looking to others to keep us filled up: «Keep me encouraged; keep me secure; keep me feeling valuable.»
Here is the key: nobody can give you everything you need; nobody can keep you fixed. Your spouse, your friends, your boss—they can love you more than anything, be totally for you—but only God can give you what you need.
Don’t Put Pressure on People
If you are depending on a person, it is not only going to frustrate you, but it is a lot of pressure on them. When they take that weight of thinking, «I have got to call and encourage and be there and cheer up and approve and I cannot let them down”—that is a load they cannot carry.
You are trying to get from them what only God can give.
God Celebrated Along the Way
In the book of Genesis, the earth was without form and void, and God said, „Let there be light, ” and light came. God saw the light and said, „That was good.“ He stopped and clapped for Himself: „I did good.“
What is interesting is there were no planets, no oceans, no animals, no people. He was not finished; there were still a lot of things that needed to be done—but He did not wait until it was all complete; He celebrated along the way.
None of Us Are Finished Yet
The truth is: none of us are finished products, but God is still working on us. Even though we have things we need to improve in, you should not feel unworthy, go around down on yourself, trying to get people to approve you.
God has already approved you; He has already accepted you—why do you not start believing that you are worthy, that you are valuable?
Stop Relying on Others’ Applause
You do not need their applause; you can clap for yourself. You do not need their compliments; you can compliment yourself. Out of your belly shall flow rivers of living water.
Some people—that river has stopped up. They have lived their whole life trying to gain approval, earn their value, convince people to clap for them.
Make Today a Turning Point
Today can be a turning point. Quit looking to people and start looking to God. Nobody is complimenting you—learn to compliment yourself. Nobody buying you flowers—buy yourself some flowers. Nobody taking you to dinner—take yourself to dinner.
The Girl Who Sent Herself Flowers
I know a young woman—when she was in junior high she did not have a lot of friends. She had just moved to a new school, and most of the students had grown up together and been friends for years; she could not seem to break in and connect with anyone.
During Valentine’s week the school had a tradition where you could send another student a carnation—they were just 25 cents. They would be delivered during homeroom on Valentine’s Day in front of the whole class.
She Celebrated Herself Boldly
She knew she was not going to receive any because she did not know anybody. She was dreading that day, knowing she was going to feel left out and embarrassed by it all.
Then she came up with an idea: she decided to send herself some flowers. She took $5 and went down to the office, got 20 different forms so nobody would know it was the same person.
From Invisible to Admired
On Valentine’s Day most of the girls got four or five carnations; the real popular girl got seven—but this young lady had every other carnation delivered to her.
People were thinking, „Who is this girl? She has so many friends.“ They asked, „Who is this one from?“ She smiled and said, „From someone that really thinks I am special.“
Be Good to Yourself
You celebrate others—do you ever celebrate yourself? You are good to your friends; you encourage them; you build them up—do you ever build yourself up?
It is not selfish to be good to you. The more you applaud yourself, the less dependent you are on other people’s applause, and the more secure you are going to be.
The Pastor Who Never Clapped for Himself
I have a pastor friend in another state that used to call me every Sunday afternoon. He would speak at his two services in the morning, then come home and watch the replay of my message online.
He is always so encouraging and uplifting; he would tell me how good I did and how impactful it was: „Man, I really like this point”—on and on. You would think I was the greatest pastor ever.
He Changed When He Heard Me
Several years later I was with this same pastor friend, and I had just finished an interview on a national network. It was live—a real big deal—and he came along with me.
We got in the car afterwards—and it was me and Victoria, him, and one other close friend. I looked at them and said, „Wow, y’all, I did really good. I do not think I could have done any better.“
He told me later that moment changed his life. He had never once said to himself that he had done good.
Don’t Be Against Yourself
You have enough people in life against you—do not be against yourself. You need to be for you.
You will not reach your destiny letting that inner critic always put you down. That causes you to feel inferior, insecure—where you are trying to get approval and applause from those around you, depending on them to keep you fixed.
God Provides What You Need—Then Grows You
When I first started ministering I was very insecure and intimidated. I had been behind the scenes for many years, and I liked it there—I was comfortable—but now I was out in front of people.
I lived off of people’s compliments. After the service people would tell me, „Joel, that was so good today; I really enjoyed it.“ Those words helped give me the strength, the confidence to keep going.
God Weans Us Off External Validation
God knew that I needed that external applause, that outside validation and approval to keep moving forward. God will make sure that you have what you need every stage of your journey.
At some point God is going to remove that so it does not become a crutch—to where you rely on others to keep you encouraged.
From Dependent to Self-Sufficient in Christ
Like a mother weans a baby off the bottle, God is going to wean you off the external approval, the external applause. You have to learn to get that from the inside.
That is what Paul said in Philippians 4:13: „I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency.“ When you go to God, you are not dependent on others.
The Day Victoria Didn’t Compliment Me
In the first few years, every time I finished my message and walked off the platform, Victoria would say, „Joel, that was amazing today. You did so good.“ She would always compliment me and make me feel so encouraged.
One day I walked off the platform and Victoria did not say a word. I waited and waited—she started asking me about something else.
Even the Dog Ignored Me!
I left the church that day feeling so discouraged. I got home—our dog can hear the garage door going up; she is always at the back door, jumping up on me, so happy to see me.
I opened the door and the dog was over laying in her bed. She did not even get up. She turned her head to look at me for like two seconds, then turned and looked away—like she was saying, „Oh, it is just you”—rolled over and went back to sleep.
God Was Growing Me Up
What was happening? God was weaning me off having to have compliments and approval validation from the outside.
Do not be surprised if God pulls it back. You cannot reach your highest potential depending on others.
Start Building Yourself Up Today
My challenge today: start building yourself up. Nobody is clapping for you? Start clapping for yourself! No one is approving you? Approve yourself!
You do not have to go to people—go to your Heavenly Father, the God who created you!
If you will do this, I believe and declare: chains of insecurity, low self-esteem, unworthiness are being broken right now. God is breathing strength, value, freedom, healing.
You are about to rise higher, accomplish dreams, and reach new levels of your destiny—in Jesus’ name.
And if you receive it, can you say amen? Amen! I will receive it as well!