Joel Osteen - Build Yourself Up
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I want to talk to you today about Building Yourself Up. It's good to have people that cheer us on and speak faith into our life. A spouse that compliments us, a neighbor with an uplifting word, a friend that's always there to encourage. It's healthy when you have people that make you feel valued and appreciate, but it becomes unhealthy if you start depending on them to keep you cheered up. If they don't compliment you, you don't feel good about who you are. If they're not there to encourage you, you don't have the passion. That coworker doesn't tell you you did good on your project, you're down, thinking you're not enough. We can become addicted to approval and addicted to compliments, to where we base our value, our worth on what people are telling us. Kind of like a drug, we need them to feel good about who we are.
But God didn't create you to be dependent on someone else to keep you fixed. He uses people in those ways, but at some point point he's going to pull them back. He's not going to let them keep giving you that, otherwise you would get stuck. The problem with relying on people is people can let you down, people can be busy and they're not there when you need them. People have their own issues, raising their children, struggling with their marriage. If you're counting on them to call you each morning and prop you up, tell you how good you look at work, and encourage you in every difficulty, that's a codependent relationship. You need them to feel good about who you are.
Here's the key: if nobody is complimenting you, you need to learn to compliment yourself. If nobody told you that you look good today, why don't you look in the mirror and say, "Wow, you look good! You're a masterpiece! One of a kind! A prized possession". Nobody made you feel special, your friend didn't call, that neighbor didn't come over. Good news: you can make your yourself feel special, "I am a child of the Most High. I've been handpicked by the Creator of the universe. I have royal blood flowing through my veins". Quit putting how you feel about yourself, your mood, your value in someone else's hands. The scripture (Jude 1:20) says "Build yourself up". Don't rely on other people to affirm, to approve, to validate. Approve yourself, "I'm made in the image of Almighty God. I'm approved, I'm worthy, I'm valuable".
When you're trying to get your approval and your validation from other people, you're at their mercy. They're having a bad day, they're upset, mad at their spouse, you're not going to get what you were hoping for. But when you learn to build yourself up, what they give or don't give doesn't affect you. You're already built up, you already know who you are. You don't need other people to keep you fixed, you encouraged yourself, you complimented yourself, you approved yourself. This is a powerful way to live: nobody else is controlling your mood, your self-worth, you've taken control.
Every morning before you leave the house, you need to build yourself up. Don't go out hoping to get encouraged, hoping someone makes you feel good, "Maybe my friend will cheer me up. Maybe my coworker will compliment me, make me feel valuable". They don't control your value, don't give them that power. If you're trying to get those things from people, you're going to live on a roller coaster. One day people will love you, and next day they're talking behind your back. One day your friend is full of compliments, the next day they're full of a lot of other stuff. One day your spouse is so encouraging, uplifting, the next day she's dealing with PMS, that means "Pretty Mean Sister". She's telling you everything you're not. You're just lucky to have her, just agree or there'll be World War III.
When you build yourself up you're not moved by the negative chatter, you're not bitter over who didn't give you credit, you're not frustrated because people didn't approve you. You've already approved yourself. Nobody said anything good about all your hard work? That's okay, you already complimented yourself. Nobody clapped for your excellent presentation, the ones that should have been so encouraging, happy for you, they got jealous, they found fault? That's all right, you already clapped for yourself. They didn't celebrate you, but you celebrated yourself, "Father, thank you for helping me to shine. Thank you for my gifts, my talents, causing me to excel". You're not dependent on what others do to feel good about who you are.
Every time I walk off this platform and finish another message, I say, "Joel, that was good today. You did excellent". And I don't mean that arrogantly, but I've learned to celebrate myself. May not have been as good as what someone else could do, there are ministers more skilled, more experienced, but I did to the best of my ability. It's healthy to clap for yourself, to celebrate what you've done. You're not bragging on you, you're bragging on the gifts, the talents, the abilities that God has given you. But some people no matter what they do, it's never enough. There's always a nagging voice, telling them they should have done better. They live with this inner critic, this constantly putting them down, pointing out their faults, magnifying the negative.
"Well, you gave a good message Joel, but it's kind of slow at times". Or "You worked out four times this week, you really should have done five" or "Yeah, you look all right today, but not like you used to look". Do yourself a favor, tune out that inner critic. You have enough people on the outside trying to push you down, limit your potential, lessen your value, you don't need one on the inside. Nobody should be more for you than you. That's not being selfish, that's being responsible with the gift God has given you. Learn to celebrate yourself. You clap for others, when was the last time you clap for yourself? You compliment your friends, when was the last time you complimented yourself? You brag on your coworker that was excellent, you did great, when was the last time you bragged on you? You told yourself you did great?
It's healthy to clap for you. The more you applaud yourself, the less dependent you are on other people's applause. If you approve yourself, you're not going to be needy for other people's approval. If you're free with your compliments to yourself, then you won't be insecure, trying to play up to people to win their compliments, get them to validate you, tell you that you're good. You won't need that. You've already built yourself up with who God says you are. You already know you're valuable, you're worthy, you're talented, attractive, you're exceptional. And yes, it's nice when people reaffirm that, but you're not dependent on it to feel good about who you are. You know who you are.
One time I was talking to a man after the service. And he was very nice, but he said, "Joel, I just didn't understand that point that you made in your message. Didn't make sense to me". If I would have heard that the first couple of years I'd been ministering, I'd been depressed for two months, gone home defeated, feeling inadequate, but I've learned what I'm telling you: I didn't need his applause, I had already clapped for myself. I wasn't basing my joy, my worth, my confidence on what he did or didn't give me. I had already built myself up. And yes, I'm always open for suggestions, there are things I can do better, but you're never going to please everyone. No matter how good you do, someone's going to find fault, try to discredit, not give their approval.
I love what Jesus said (John 5:41), "Your approval or disapproval means nothing to me". He wasn't being disrespectful, he was simply saying, "I know who I am, and I know where I get my value". That's the place we need to get to. We don't have to have people's approval to feel good about who we are. Sure there will be those that disapproves, that doesn't phase us. We don't get defensive and try to straighten them out, we don't get discouraged and go around feeling less than, we keep our shoulders back, we know who we are. They didn't approve us, but we've approved ourselves. They didn't compliment us, but we complimented ourselves. Nobody clapped for us, they didn't change our worth, we clapped for ourselves.
When that man told me that he didn't understand my point, I thought to myself, I didn't say it, but I thought, "I can't help it if there's something wrong with you". I didn't take it personally, I didn't let it ruin my day. When you're built up on the inside, that's going to protect you from what comes on the outside. The first thing I do every morning, after I thank God for what he's done is I remind myself who I am. "Lord, I thank you that you chose me before I could choose you. That I a person of destiny, redeemed and forgiven. You've made me worthy, you've approved me, you've accepted me. You've crowned me with your favor. You put a robe of righteousness on me. You planned out all of my days for good".
I never leave the house without building myself up, that's way I'm not waiting for someone else to build me up, hoping that my spouse says something to cheer me up, hoping that my coworker claps for me so I'll feel valuable, hoping my friend compliments me so I'll be secure. No, quit depending on people, that's no way to live. That's putting your self-worth your mood into their hands. Put it in God's hands. Go to him to get your value, your approval.
See, the scripture (John 7:38) says, "Out of your belly shall flow rivers of living water". We're looking to others to keep us filled up, "Keep me encouraged, keep me secure, keep me feeling valuable". Here's the key: nobody can give you everything you need, nobody can keep you fixed. Your spouse, your friends, your boss, they can love you more than anything, be totally for you, but only God can give you what you need. He'll use people, but people are limited.
If you're depending on a person, it's not only going to frustrate you, but it's a lot of pressure on them. When they take that weight of thinking, "I got to call, and encourage, and be there, and cheer up, and approve, and I can't let them down", that's a load they can't carry. You're trying to get from them what only God can give. The sooner you start building yourself up, the better off it's going to be for you and the others in your life. You weren't created to live relying on someone else, basing your worth on who approves you. Approve yourself, turn off that inner critic that's always putting you down. You're supposed to feel good about who you are. I know you have flaws, areas you need to improve in, so do i. But you don't have to wait until you're perfect to feel worthy and to feel approved.
In the book of Genesis, the earth was without form and void, and God said "Let there be light", and light came. And God saw the light and said "That was good". He stopped and clapped for himself, "I did good". What's interesting is there were no planets, no oceans, no animals, no people. He wasn't finished, there were still a lot of things that needed to be done, but he didn't wait until it was all complete, he celebrated along the way. On the second day God separated the waters from the sky. He still hadn't made any fish, still no mountain ranges, still no sunsets, but at the end of the day God said "That was good". He stopped, applauded, complimented himself. Same thing after day three, day four, day five. Even though it wasn't finished, he said it was good.
The truth is: none of us are finished products, but God is still working on us. Even though we have things we need to improve in, you shouldn't feel unworthy, go around down on yourself, trying to get people to approve you. God has already approved you, he's already accepted you, why don't you start believing that you're worthy, that you're valuable? Have you ever clap for yourself? Are you too focused on your weaknesses, how you don't measure up and you're not as talented as that co-worker?
The enemy would love for you to feel unworthy when in fact you're a masterpiece. The Creator of the universe applauded for you, why are you depending on people to tell you that you're good, you're talented, you're attractive? You're trying to get from them what God has already given you. Why don't you start building yourself up, declaring who God says you are? If you're relying on this from people, it's going to limit you. If you're basing your joy, your attitude, your self-worth on who compliments you, on who claps for you and who thinks you're attractive, can I tell you? You don't need their applause, you can clap for yourself. You don't need their compliments, you can compliment yourself. Out of your belly shall flow rivers of living water.
Some people, that river has stopped up. They've lived their whole life trying to gain their approval, earn their value, convince people to clap for them. They live frustrated, letting people manipulate them, down on themselves because they're not getting the applause. Today can be a turning point. Quit looking to people and start looking to God. Nobody is complimenting you, learn to compliment yourself. Nobody buying you flowers, buy yourself some flowers. Nobody taking you to dinner, take yourself to dinner.
I know a young woman, when she was in junior high she didn't have a lot of friends. She had just moved to a new school, and most of the students had grown up together and been friends for years, she couldn't seem to break in and connect with anyone. During valentine's week the school had a tradition where you could send another student a carnation, they were just 25 cents. They would be delivered during home room on valentine's day in front of the whole class. She knew she wasn't going to receive any, because she didn't know anybody. She was dreading that day, knowing she's going to feel left out, and embarrassed by it all. Then she came up with an idea: she decided to send herself some flowers.
She took $5 and went down to the office, got 20 different forms so nobody would know it was the same person. On valentine's day most of the girls got four or five carnations, real popular girl got seven, but this young lady had every other carnation delivered to her. People were thinking, "Who is this girl? She has so many friends". They asked, "Who's this one from"? She smiled and said, "From someone that really thinks I'm special". You celebrate others, do you ever celebrate yourself? You're good to your friends, you encourage them, you build them up, do you ever build yourself up? It's not selfish to be good to you. The more you applaud yourself, the less dependent you are on other people's applause, and the more secure you're going to be.
I have a pastor friend in another state that used to call me every Sunday afternoon. He would speak at his two services in the morning, then come home and watch the replay of my message online. He's always so encouraging and uplifting, he would tell me how good I did, and how impactful it was, and "Man, I really like this point", on and on. You'd think I was the greatest pastor ever. That was his personality, his whole nature was to build people up. But he told me later he would drive home every Sunday from his church thinking about how he didn't do good, "That was too long, that wasn't clear, and I forgot to say this". He said, "I never left my church one time feeling good about myself. I always went home disappointed".
He knew how to compliment others, but he didn't know how to compliment himself. He clapped for me all the time, he was my biggest cheerleader, but he never clapped for himself. He was great at building me up, making me feel valuable, well able, but he never belt himself up. He listened to that inner critic, always finding fault, pushing him down. Don't go your whole life being good to others, but never being good to you. Encouraging them, but not encouraging you. Thinking highly of your friends, but not thinking highly of you. And yes, it's good good to applause others, but you have to learn to clap for yourself. They may be more successful, have more talent, more looks, but you have something they don't have. You are unique, you are one of a kind. Don't discount who you are.
God didn't make anything second class, subpar, he calls you a masterpiece. When he created the solar system, he said that was good. The mountain range is good, the oceans good, but when he breathed life into you he said "That was very good". Put your shoulders back, hold your head up high. When you clap for yourself, you're clapping for your Creator. When you compliment yourself, you're complimenting the God who made you. When you build yourself up, you're saying, "God, I thank you for who I am: blessed, strong, talented, worthy, victorious". That's giving praise to God.
Several years later I was with this same pastor friend, and I just finished an interview on a national network. And it was live, a real big deal, and he came along with me. We got in the car afterwards, and it was me and Victoria, him and one other close friend. I looked at them and said, "Wow, y'all, I did really good. I don't think I could have done any better". And I wasn't bragging, I was just grateful that I'd done well. I didn't think anything about saying that. He told me later that moment changed his life. He had never once said to himself that he had done good. He'd grown up with that negative recording playing in his mind. When he heard me being positive toward myself, a stronghold was broken in his thinking. He started applauding himself, approving himself, encouraging himself.
You have enough people in life against you, don't be against yourself. You need to be for you. You won't reach your destiny letting that inner critic always put you down. That causes you to feel inferior, insecure, where you're trying to get approval and applause from those around you, depending on them to keep you fixed. You can fix yourself. Every morning remind yourself who God says you are. Don't rely on other people build yourself up.
When I first started ministering I was very insecure and intimidated. I'd been behind the scenes for many years, and I liked it there, I was comfortable, but now I was out in front of people. I was very unsure of myself, and I lived off of people's compliment. After the service people would tell me, "Joel, that was so good today, I really enjoyed it". Those words helped give me the strength, the confidence to keep going. When I'd get up to minister that first year, people would cheer and cheer. They were so loyal to my parents, they wanted me to succeed so badly that they poured all their encouragement and support into me.
I could have talked about Moses defeating Goliath, and David parting the Red Sea, got it backwards, they still would have cheered. God knew that I needed that external applause, that outside validation and approval to keep moving forward. God will make sure that you have what you need every stage of your journey.
And yes, there are times you need others speaking into your life, encouraging you, helping you to stay built up, but at some point God is going to remove that so it doesn't become a crutch, to where you rely on others to keep you encouraged. You depend on your friends to keep you cheered up, your family to keep you feeling valuable, that's temporary provision. Like a mother weans a baby off the bottle, God is going to wean you off the external approval, the external applause. You have to learn to get that from the inside. Out of your belly shall flow rivers of living water. Instead of depending on others, you become self-sufficient. That's what Paul said in Philippians 4:13, "I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency". When you go to God, you're not dependent on others.
In the first few years, every time I finished my message and walked off the platform, Victoria would say, "Joel, that was amazing today. You did so good". She would always compliment me, and make me feel so encouraged. And I look forward to it, I knew like clockwork Victoria will have this kind uplifting word. I didn't realize, that's where I was getting my validation, my approval: from people telling me I did good. One day I walked off the platform and Victoria didn't say a word. I waited and waited and waited, she started asking me about something else. I answered real quickly, then kind of hinted about the message, trying to pull a compliment out. Unfortunately, she didn't get the hint. She turned and went the other way.
I thought, "Oh, maybe she's just preoccupied, has something else on her mind". I went to the lobby, the old church, shook hands with several hundred visitors, not one of of them said anything about my message. Usually every other one just being courteous, "Joel, that was so good". The funny thing is I knew it was a good message, I was confident, but I was waiting for someone else to tell me. I needed outside approval to feel good about it.
I left the church that day feeling so discouraged, I got home. Our dog can hear the garage door going up, she's always at the back door, jumping up on me, so happy to see me, that's one thing I can count on. I opened the door and the dog was over laying in her bed. She didn't even get up. She turned her head to look at me for like two seconds, then turned and looked away, like she is saying, "Oh, it's just you", rolled over and went back to sleep.
God will use your dog to work on you. What was happening? God was weaning me off, having to have compliments and approval validation from the outside. Yes, there may be seasons where you're getting that, don't be surprised if God pulls it back. You can't reach your highest potential, depending on others. It's great when people compliment you, but it's even more powerful when you can compliment yourself.
It's nice when they applaud, they approve, they validate. The problem is: you can't depend on people. If they're keeping you fixed, that's temporary. God didn't create you to have to rely on someone else for your self-worth, your approval or even your encouragement. I love to encourage, but at some point you have to learn to encourage yourself. Can't find me on television, your cousin's not there, your neighbor that you can always count on it's not available, take it as a compliment: God is growing you up. He's getting you ready for higher levels. The less you depend on other people, the more mature you are.
My challenge today: start building yourself up. Nobody's clapping for you? Start clapping for yourself! No one is approving you? Approve yourself! You don't have to go to people, go to your Heavenly Father, the God who created you! If you'll do this, I believe and declare: chains of insecurity, low self-esteem, unworthiness are being broken right now. God is breathing strength, value, freedom, healing. You're about to rise higher, accomplish dreams, and reach new levels of your destiny, in Jesus name. And if you receive it, can you say amen? Amen! I'll receive it as well!