Joel Osteen - Living Unoffended
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Joel Osteen encourages us to live unoffended by developing a habit of continual forgiveness and release, drawing from Paul’s example in Philippians 3:13 of forgetting the past and reaching forward, and Jesus' teaching in Luke 17 that offenses are inevitable but must be forgiven repeatedly. He concludes that holding onto offenses poisons our lives and limits God’s blessings, while quickly releasing them keeps our hearts pure and opens the door to greater favor and destiny.
Why Offenses Are Poisoning Your Joy Right Now
I want to talk to you today about living unoffended. We all have opportunities to get upset and be offended: a co-worker is rude, someone cuts you off in traffic, a friend leaves you out. It is easy to get sour, try to pay people back, hold a grudge. We do not realize that this is poisoning our life. That offense is like a toxin. It is not affecting the other person; it is souring our joy.
The apostle Paul had all kinds of opportunities to be offended: people lied about him, he was misunderstood, not accepted by religious leaders. He said in Philippians 3:13, «This one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind, and reaching forward to what lies ahead.» He was saying, «One thing I am good at is letting things go, not taking the offense, not dwelling on what happened yesterday. I put all my energies into reaching for what is up ahead.»
The Secret System Champions Use to Stay Free
You have to have this system of release, where you do not hold on to everything. «They said something rude? I am letting it go. They hurt my feelings, I did not like it, but I am letting it go. They left me out, it was not fair, but I am letting it go.» If you hold on to that offense, it is not only going to weigh you down, it is going to keep you from reaching forward.
That is what is stopping some people. They are not seeing new levels, not tapping into their potential because they are living in yesterday, dwelling on what someone said, how they were mistreated, «They did me wrong.» You cannot stop all that from happening; how you handle the offense is what is important. Forgiveness should be a continual thing, not one and done. We are continually releasing and continually letting things go.
Offense: The Hidden Toxin You’re Swallowing Daily
We need to see the offense as a toxin, as a poison. You are dealing with something very powerful. The offense is like a seed: if you keep dwelling on it, letting it upset you, it is going to take root and grow. It will begin to contaminate your life, cause you to live sour. «Why did they leave me out? Why did they walk away? Why were they disrespectful?» You cannot control any of that.
What you can control is whether or not you take the offense. If you will develop this system of release, of continual forgiveness—every day letting go and reaching forward—then that offense will not affect you. «They left me out, that is hurtful, but I am not going to dwell on it. I know God will make it up to me. They said something disrespectful, made me look bad in front of my colleagues, but I know God is my vindicator. He is fighting my battles. I am going to let it go and keep reaching forward.»
Are You Holding Poison or Releasing It?
Do you have this system of release, or are you holding on to everything? Have you learned the process of continual forgiveness, or are you letting those seeds take root and contaminate your life?
Luke 17: Jesus was talking to his disciples, getting them prepared to go out and do great things. He was not going to be with them much longer; this was an important time. He could have talked to them about having more faith, believing for bigger impact, but he said in verse 1, «As you go out, there is this one more important thing you need to know. It is impossible that offenses will not come.»
He was saying, «As you go through life there will be rude people, grouchy co-workers, family members that get on your nerves. It is impossible not to have offenses.» He gave them this somber news, then he gave them the solution. He said, «If your brother trespasses against you seven times a day, forgive them.»
Why Jesus Said Forgive 7 Times a Day
Now I can understand once a day, maybe twice a day, perhaps three times a day, but four times and you are still getting on my nerves? Five times, you better go find someone else to bother. When he said seven times, he is talking about continual forgiveness. He is saying: do not let that poison in and contaminate your spirit.
You have to deal with offenses quickly. The longer you wait, the more difficult it is to release. If you dwell on it for a day, think about it for a month, it will get bigger, become more hurtful. You will be sour, short with people, irritable, not enjoy your family. That could have all been avoided if you would have forgiven quickly. Quit letting offenses take root. It is impossible that they are not going to come.
The Truth About Living With Imperfect People
Let me make it more practical: it is impossible to live with your family and they not hurt your feelings, they not get on your nerves, they not disappoint you, say things that they should not. They are not against you; they are just human, they have flaws. Sometimes people do not mean to; other times they do. Either way, you cannot let that poison get in you.
If you take that offense, live sour, revengeful, you are wasting your emotional energy. You only have so much each day; it is not an unlimited supply. Do you know how much emotional energy it takes to hold a grudge, to live bitter, to think about what they did? That is energy you are not going to have for your dreams, to love your children, to enjoy your spouse.
A Simple Trick to Stop Offense in Its Tracks
Next time someone offends you, try a different approach: release it and move forward. «I am not going to think about it. God, I know you will make my wrongs right. I am putting all my energies into what is ahead, and not into what is behind.» If you will get in this habit of forgiving quickly, not giving it the time of day, then it will not take root.
The reason some people are offensive is they have issues they have not dealt with, they have toxins, hurts, wounds, and they become bitter and angrier. At times they will lash out at you, they will be disrespectful, say things that hurt your feelings. Number one: they do not control your destiny. What they say does not determine who you are.
Don’t Take the Bait—It’s a Trap!
Do not take that bait and get engaged in a battle that you are not supposed to fight. You get upset, start trying to pay them back, «Man, two can play at this game”—you are letting their poison get in you. The best thing you can do is release it. Let it go and keep moving forward.
The enemy loves to use offenses as distractions. He loves to get you upset, trying to prove to people who you are, trying to pay them back. Even if you accomplish all that, you are no further down the road. You have just wasted valuable time and energy fighting a battle that does not matter. If that battle is not between you and your destiny, you are not supposed to engage.
David’s Secret: Walk Away From the Wrong Fights
Goliath stood between David and his purpose; he fought that battle. But a few days earlier, David’s older brother Eliab made fun of David in front of all of his colleagues. He belittled David and tried to make him feel small. But it says in 1 Samuel 17, „David turned and walked away.“
Had he gotten distracted, taken the offense, tried to prove to his brother who he was, set him straight, he would have missed fighting Goliath. The scripture says he ran toward Goliath, but he walked away from Eliab. The mark of a champion is knowing what battles to fight and what battles to walk away from.
Are you fighting battles that do not matter? Engaged in conflict out of pity, just trying to prove to people who you are, set them straight? If you win, what have you accomplished? Are you any closer to your destiny, or was it a distraction? There are very few Goliaths that we will face, but there are many Eliabs, many offenses. When you learn to walk away from what does not matter, you will have the strength, the favor, the anointing to defeat the Goliaths, to defeat what does matter.
The Airport Story That Changed Everything
I was at the airport a few years ago in the security line, putting my bag through the x-ray machine. This one worker was very aggressive, very forceful, demanding, hollering instructions so loudly like he was angry. „Take off your coats. All electronics in a separate container. No liquids in your carry-on, ” barking all these orders early in the morning.
I put my bag in, and it went through the machine, and it got pulled over to the side. He screamed out, „Whose bag is this?“ I did not want my bag anymore, but I finally said, „It is mine.“ He looked at me like he was about to explode. He said, „I told you no water in the bag, what are you doing?“ I thought I am going on a trip, I am not in boot camp. Besides, I did not put any water in my bag.
There was a beautiful blonde-haired girl I was traveling with, and I wanted to say it is her fault, but I just said, „Sorry about that, ” and he put the bag back through the screening. A co-worker came over and whispered in his ear, „That is Pastor Osteen.“ He turned around and said, „Pastor Osteen, how are you, my friend?“ I wanted to say, „Get behind me, Satan.“ He said, „I watch you every week.“ I thought it is not working at all.
Stop Letting People Dump Their Garbage on You
My point is: life is too short to let other people dump their garbage on you. You cannot stop it from happening, but you can release it and move forward. Some people have all this hurt and anger and offense—what did not work out, who did them wrong—because they never let anything go. Like a big garbage can, they are carrying around all this trash. Sometimes they will try to dump their garbage on you.
You have to be smart enough to say, „No, thanks. You can dump it, but I am not going to take it. I am going to stay in peace and enjoy this day.“ Jesus was telling his disciples in this passage, „I am sending you out to impact the world, but along with this favor there will be offenses, people that do not understand you, people that try to discredit you.“
Why Promoted People Need Thicker Skin
As God promotes you and gives you more influence, you have to have thicker skin. You cannot be easily offended. People will come against you, say things that are not true, try to mischaracterize you. Do not sink down to their level; that is not your battle. Keep releasing and reaching. The only way they can affect you is if you take the bait. You get offended, become sour, and try to prove to them who you are.
The scripture says (Matthew 5:8), „The pure in heart will see God.“ That word „pure“ in the original Greek language is where we get our word „catheter.“ A catheter is used during surgery to take toxins out of the body. This is saying: if you are going to see God, you are going to have his favor, his blessing, you have to keep the impurities out.
The Spiritual Catheter That Removes Toxins Fast
You have to have this catheter, so to speak, to where when an offense comes—no big deal—it flows through and you release. „They hurt my feelings, they were disrespectful, he should not have hollered at me”—you cannot stop that from coming, but you can stop it from staying. You have to have that catheter to get rid of the toxins.
The problem with some people is they have never learned this system of release. They are holding on to everything—what someone said, how they were treated wrong—now their heart is not pure. There is unforgiveness, resentment, anger. That is why they cannot see God. Is your vision being limited because you are not dealing with offenses properly?
Is the favor on your life, the blessings, the creativity not showing up like it should because you are holding on to hurt, living offended, bitter? The good news is: you will see things clear up if you will start releasing, start forgiving quickly, not letting these toxins build up. That is clouding your vision; it is keeping you from seeing the victory and the abundance that God has for you.
How Offense Slowly Changes Who You Are
I have known people that were favored, they were talented, but they got distracted by what people were saying, bitter over who did them wrong, trying to prove to people they were not what was said. They became defensive, harsh, critical—it was all born out of an offense that they did not let go of.
If you hold on to offenses, they will begin to change who you are. But if you will be a David, walk away from the Eliabs, walk away from the insults, the disrespect, then God can trust you with more. We have to pass these tests: when offense comes, that is an opportunity to show God what you are made of.
The easy thing is to get offended, be rude to someone that is rude back to you, live bitter, upset, angry. That is the carnal way to handle it, but we are supposed to walk by the spirit and not the flesh.
How Passing the Offense Test Unlocks More Favor
When you say, „No, thanks, I am not taking the offense. God, you are in control. I am going to release it and keep moving forward, ” that is when God can trust you with more. He will never let you face situations that are too much for you to handle.
The next time you are tempted to get upset, be offended, pay somebody back, try a different approach: „I can handle this. I have the grace for where I am. I am going to stay cool, remain calm, and let God fight my battles.“ That is passing the test. That is keeping your heart pure. That is when you will see God, you will see his blessing, his favor, his goodness on your life in a new way.
Why I Ignore the Critics and Stay Happy
In the position that I am in, in front of a lot of people, there are many opinions, people that do not understand, that mischaracterize, say things that are not true. I do what I am asking you to do: I do not pay any attention to it. I am not offended; I do not let that poison get in. Life is good, I am happy, God has blessed me more than I can imagine.
Your time is too valuable, God has been too good to you to live offended, discouraged over what they said, bitter because someone left you out—rise above that. People can say what they want, but if you do not let it in, it is like water off a duck’s back; it has no effect.
Don’t Waste Energy on People Who’ll Never Get You
Do not let the negative chatter, people that are never going to be for you, get you distracted fighting battles that do not matter, bitter over people that are not a part of your destiny, worried about what someone thinks that is never going to understand you. That is the enemy trying to use those offenses to poison your spirit, deceive you into changing who you are.
Keep your heart pure; ignore it. They have issues they have not dealt with; that is why they are spewing the poison. They do not like themselves—how are they ever going to like you? Release it and move forward.
The Prayer the Disciples Asked That We Ignore
When Jesus told his disciples they were going to have to forgive an offense seven times a day, the next thing they said was, „Lord, increase our faith“ (Luke 17:5). They did not pray, „God, increase our faith so we can do bigger miracles, increase our faith so we can have a bigger vision.“ They said, „Increase our faith so we can forgive the wrongs, so we can let go of the offenses, so we can keep these toxins out.“
Sometimes it takes more faith to keep your heart pure than it does to accomplish a dream. We are praying for faith for a breakthrough, faith for a new level—and that is good, I believe in that—but like these disciples, have you ever prayed, „God, increase my faith so I can let go of these hurts? Increase my faith so I can forgive this person that betrayed me? God, increase my faith so I can keep my heart pure and keep moving forward with my life?“
The Letter My Father Never Sent
One time my father received a letter in the mail from a minister in another country. This minister was very prominent and well known. The letter was very hurtful and condemning. My father had been married early in life and went through a divorce, and this minister was telling him how he was not qualified, how he should not be pastoring. He accused my father of things that were not true—just people stirring up trouble, spreading rumors.
My father was very offended; he thought this is not right, so he wrote the man a letter back that was just as strong and forceful, telling him, „Who do you think you are? You do not know what you are talking about. You should mind your own business, ” on and on.
My father sealed the envelope, put the stamp on it, walked out to the mailbox. When he put it in the mail, he heard a voice saying, „You got him back, did you not?“ Daddy said, „I sure did.“ The voice said, „You set him straight, did you not?“ And he said, „Yes, I did.“ Then the voice said, „You repaid evil for evil, did you not?“ My father realized that was God speaking to him. He felt convicted.
Overcome Evil With Good—Every Single Time
He was drawn into a battle that he was not supposed to engage in. That offense was starting to take root. The scripture (Romans 12:21) says, „You overcome evil with good.“ When you are offended, you never win by returning the offense. All that is doing is poisoning your spirit. You overcome offenses by letting them go, not responding, not dwelling on it, not letting that poison in.
He walked back to the mailbox, tore the letter up, never sent it. Sixteen years later that man showed up at Lakewood. He said to my father with big tears running down his cheeks, „I am so sorry about the letter. I was wrong. I had been hurt, and in that anger I lashed out at you.“ He asked my father to forgive him; their relationship was restored.
But that was a test that my father had to pass. Had he let that offense take root, begin to change him and become bitter, vindictive, angry, he would have never seen God’s favor and blessing like he did. When an offense comes, you are dealing with something very powerful. That seed is alive. If you let it get in you, what is ironic is you will become what you do not like. My father would have become like that man: harsh, angry, judgmental. You cannot take offense lightly. That seed can change your nature, sour your attitude, and limit your vision.
Haman’s Fatal Mistake You’re Tempted to Repeat
In the Book of Esther there was a man named Haman. He worked for the king and was promoted to prime minister, making him the most powerful person in the Persian empire next to the king. He had all this authority, respect, and honor. He wore a ring that had the king’s seal on it. When he passed by, people would bow down to show their honor.
But there was a man named Mordecai that would not bow down. This made Haman so upset, he was so offended. The scripture says he was filled with rage, could not sleep at night, could not enjoy his family, did not appreciate his position—all because one man would not bow down, one man would not show respect.
Here the whole city would bow when he walked by, but this one man has him sour, angry, upset. He could have said, „Big deal, you will not bow—that did not change me. I am still the prime minister.“ But he said in chapter 5, „All this honor is meaningless as long as I see Mordecai sitting at the gate.“ He had all the blessing, favor; he was leading the country, but one man would not respect him.
Instead of ignoring it, not paying it any attention, moving forward—that is all he focused on. He ended up losing his position and losing his life. If you allow offense in, it can cause you to lose perspective, blow things out of proportion, fight battles that do not matter.
Little Foxes That Are Stealing Your Joy Today
Start ignoring disrespect. You cannot make people like you, make them change their mind. If you stay focused on the offense, you will start majoring on the minors, miss all the great things God has blessed you with. That person at work does not like you? That is okay; you do not need them to like you to fulfill your destiny. There are plenty of people that do like you. Do not become focused on it. Let it go; that is not your battle.
The scripture says, „It is the little foxes that spoil the vines.“ One person out of the whole Persian empire would not respect him, and he was full of rage. Look at how out of proportion things become when we let an offense take root. Are there any little foxes that are spoiling your joy—little things you are holding on to, what someone said, who treated you wrong, who left you out? Those little offenses, if you allow them to stay, will turn into big issues that can limit your life.
The 20-Year Root That Almost Destroyed Everything
When my brother Paul was 17 years old, someone that was a mentor to him, someone he looked up to, told him that he did not think Paul had what it took to become a medical doctor. Paul was at this vulnerable stage, very impressionable, when you need people speaking faith over you, telling you you can do great things. It was just the opposite.
Paul was offended; it hurt his feelings and wounded his spirit. Instead of letting it go, not paying any attention, the seed began to take root. He began to have this unhealthy competitiveness, this drive that said, „I am going to prove to you who I am.“ It developed into this underlying anger. He became negative, critical, judgmental. He said, „I was like a boiling furnace. If you got close to me and I opened those furnace doors, you were going to get burned.“
Twenty years later he was talking with his pastor. He said, „Paul, why do you have all this rage in you? It is like you are about to explode.“ Paul’s mind went back to when he was 17 years old, when he was told he could not become a doctor. Well, now he was a successful surgeon; he had proved them wrong, but he was not satisfied. He still felt this resentment, this anger; it was poisoning his life.
Here he had all these great things, but he could not enjoy it. That is how powerful offense is. If you let that seed in, it can grow and become a root of bitterness where it is contaminating every area of your life: your attitude, your relationships, your vision.
How Paul Uprooted a 20-Year Bitter Root
Paul knew he had to dig up that root. He lived in Little Rock, but he came to Houston and went to the exact place where that offense took root, where that person told him he did not have what it takes. He said, „God, today I am forgiving them. I am letting it go. I am getting rid of this offense. I am going to live my life free.“
That day was a turning point. He felt that anger and resentment begin to lift off of him; chains were broken, and that is when he started enjoying his success and enjoying what God had blessed him with.
The Psalmist said in Psalm 73:21, „I did not realize how bitter I had become.“ I wonder if we are carrying around offenses, anger, resentment, and we do not even realize it. It is poison in our spirit, keeping us from our dreams, limiting our creativity.
You Have Nothing to Prove—God’s Got You!
What is causing you to be that way? You are supposed to be free and positive and joyful. Like Paul, you have to get honest with yourself: maybe there are some bitter roots you need to pull up. You have allowed offenses to stay—that is okay; today can be the uprooting day. Today can be the day you let things go.
You forgive who hurt you, not focus on what they did, not be obsessed like Haman over who is not celebrating you, living to prove to them who you are. You have nothing to prove! God is proud of you! God is cheering you on! He is going to make up for the wrongs! Hurts come, but God heals! Unfair things happen, but God pays you back.
We all have some ashes, but God gives you beauty for the ashes. Now do your part: keep the offenses out. Develop this habit of letting go and reaching forward, living in a continual state of forgiveness.
If you will do this, I believe and declare: things that have hindered you are being broken right now. Offenses are being uprooted. Freedom is coming—greater joy, greater peace, greater favor, the fullness of your destiny, in Jesus’ name. And if you receive it, can you say amen?