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Jimmy Evans - The Spirit Filled Spouse

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Jimmy Evans - The Spirit Filled Spouse
Jimmy Evans - The Spirit Filled Spouse

These are five things, that women do for men that complete them and empower them. Number one is companion. John 14:16, I will pray the Father and he will give you another helper, that he may abide with you forever. So, the Holy Spirit is our eternal helper. Well men and women are different. The four main needs of a man is, respect is number one, sex is number two, friendship with his wife is number three, domestic support is number four. Friendship, a man wants to be buddies with his wife. A man wants to hang out with his wife.

Now when men are asked, "Who's your best friend?" most men will say, my wife. When women are asked who their best friend is, they'll say Debbie. And we kind of get offended over that. But we like to buddy up with our wives. I'd rather be with Karen than anybody. And so part of the blessing of having a wife, is you have your best friend right there and marriage is good, we fall in love having fun together. We fall in love hanging out and part of the problem can happen is kids. I mean, you get married, you have kids and you kind of get lost in the role maybe, of being a mother rather than being a wife and you stop being together, you stop having fun. I'm a say something to ya. You're always at your best when you're having fun with your spouse. Your marriage is at its best when you're enjoying each other and having fun. When you stop having fun in marriage, it's a very dangerous thing. You need to find something fun to do.

There is a pastor in south Texas that tells a story of a couple and their marriage was in trouble. And one day this man was going deer hunting and his wife didn't like to hunt, she didn't deer hunt and she came to her husband and he was leaving the house and she said, "Honey, can I go with you"? And of course he wanted to be with her, that was his dream, to be with his wife you know, deer hunting or having fun or whatever. Of course, in the state of their marriage he was a little bit concerned that she was trying to get him alone with a firearm and, but it healed their marriage. She didn't wanna go hunting, she didn't like to hunt but she came into her husband's world and she said, "Can I come and be with you"? I'd rather be with Karen than anybody. I'd rather hang out with Karen than anybody on earth. She's my companion in life. That's what women are, companions.

Number two, comforter. The, Jesus said, "I'm gonna leave and I'm gonna send you back another comforter". Okay, well women are unbelievable comforters. The are several ways that women comfort men. One is physically, and sexually but also just affection. A woman's touch is the most comforting thing on earth, to a man, to a child, to anybody. Women are anointed in this area, again because it's your role. Let me say something about the difference between men and women. Women are much more emotionally tough than men. And, this is, women don't get this. Women don't understand this and we, men get upset, like when you're having a conversation and you're trying to talk something out with your husband, we get much more upset, more easily than women do. Women can fight, women can have just an emotional fight with another woman or something and their blood pressure doesn't go up and afterwards they're ready to go shopping. I mean they're all good.

Okay, they're just all good with that. Men, we're pulling knives and guns, we hate your guts and so, we don't do that. When a man's, this is research when a man's blood pressure goes above 100 he can't hear. So when your husband's upset, you have a 0 percent chance of talking to him at that moment. Honey, you have to keep him comforted. I think you're a hunk, I think that you're great, you know, if you're lying about the hunk part, Jesus'll forgive you and you say it anyway. But, you have to keep him comforted. And the number one thing that comforts men is respect. When you're for me, I know you like me, I know you respect me and that keeps me comforted but women, women are there to comfort their husbands. Doesn't mean you're not an equal. Doesn't mean that you can't say whatever you wanna say but you have to remember, if you keep upsetting your husband, if you physically withdraw from your husband and begin to talk to him in negative ways, you're doing the opposite of what you're called to do, that's another way to say it.

Number three, role of women as counselors. Spirit of truth. John 14:17, John 16:13, both call the Holy Spirit the spirit of truth and I'm just saying, women are gifted with wisdom and intuition. Now Karen, would, when we first got married, I called it nagging you know, but it wasn't nagging, she was just sharing her opinion. But Karen's wise, it took me a long time to figure it out 'cause I just kept thinking, she doesn't get it, she's not smart like I am and she would say things, something to me about people or she would say something to me about something that she felt and I thought, well your feelings are your feelings, God bless you, you know have a good day but I'm not gonna base my life on your feelings. Well then I went and found out was, a lot of her feelings were intuition. And wisdom.

Now let me say this, I would never make a decision without Karen Evans. Because, we are two halves of a whole. And when a man thinks, when a man devalues, see the Holy Spirit speaks to us when we ask him to. If you don't want the Holy Spirit speak to you he won't. He won't intrude in your life. But if you go to the Holy Spirit and say, "Teach me how to be a husband, teach me how to be a wife, teach me how to do this, teach me how to do that". He's a talker, the Holy Spirit will teach you anything you wanna know. It's the same way with wives. A husband needs to let his wife know, I want you to tell me what you think. I value your input. It doesn't mean that you're, that she's always right, but I'm telling you, women are spiritual and women have a wisdom that men need to seek out and decision making, when Karen and I make a decision together, we never make a bad decision. When I make decisions by myself, I make bad decisions. I need Karen, she's phenomenal as a counselor. As a truth speaker in my life.

Number four, role of women, is convicter. This is John 16. Nevertheless I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the helper will not come to you but if I depart, I will send him to you and when he is come, he will convict the world, of sin and righteousness in judgment. Well, the conviction of the Holy Spirit it's sweet. It's not hellfire and damnation, it's sweet, it's specific, the Holy Spirit comes into our life and specifically tells us something that we need to change and he helps us change, he doesn't nag at us, he doesn't threaten us or anything like that. But a 48 year old married man has 90 percent chance of reaching the age of 65. A 48 year old single man, has a 60 percent chance of reaching the age of 65.

Men are safer and better with a woman next to them. You say, well why? Because here's what wives do. Don't eat that. Don't eat, you're eating too much. Don't drink that, don't watch that, don't do it, your speed, slow down, cops around here, speed and every husband knows you have the Holy Spirit with you always when she's there. Convicting you, I'm not making eye contact with Karen right now, I'm looking over her head. But not nagging, but women are natural at that. Karen saves my life. You know and they go to the you know, the pharmacy or the drugstore or whatever and they come back with all these vitamins and you know, I told 'em all your issues and here take this. And so, you know it's, keeps you alive.

Number five, connector. The Holy Spirit is represented by a dove. It means peace and this is John 16. When he the Holy Spirit, when he the spirit of truth has come, he will guide you into all truth, for he will not speak on his own authority but whatever he hears he will speak and he will tell you things to come. He will glorify me, for he will take of what is mine and declare it to you, all things that the father has are mine, therefore I said, he will take of mine and declare it to you. Part of the, role of the Holy Spirit is to connect us to Jesus and God the Father. There's God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, they're all co-equal and co-eternal but part of what the Holy Spirit does, is remind us of Jesus.

So those are the five roles that the Holy Spirit plays in our lives and women are Holy Spirit like. When you're being a good wife, you're acting like the Holy Spirit. Here's the nature of the Holy Spirit in wives, when they're acting like the Holy Spirit.

Number one is gentle. This is not a weak person, this is a powerful person who has the power to kill you, but they love you. This gentleness here is power under control. This is not a mousy woman, this is a woman who believes that her God is powerful enough to change you. And so I'm not gonna be rough with you, gentle and quiet is the opposite of rough and loud. I'm not gonna be disrespectful to you, I'm not gonna be rough and loud with you, because my God's able to change it and I'm gonna be like the Holy Spirit.

Number two is pure. The nature of the Holy Spirit, the nature of wives. The Holy Spirit's first name is Holy and it just means he's never gonna use a wrong method, to try to produce a result. You know nagging, criticism, threats, punishment, withdrawal, anything like that. It's not gonna happen.

Number three is positive. The Holy Spirit is positive. He's like a cheerleader. And Galatians 5:22, the fruit of the spirit is joy. The Holy Spirit is joyful. Why is the Holy Spirit joyful? Because he knows he's gonna be okay. The Holy Spirit's not negative because the result's gonna be good. Why is the result gonna be good? 'Cause God is here. Why am I so positive? Because my God is able to overcome the challenges, the mountains, the giants, the problems in my life and I'm not gonna get down because my God is a great God. And so joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, being positive.

Number four is patient. One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is patience. The Holy Spirit is committed to the long term process of us becoming who we are. I want you to change, but you don't have to change completely today. I'm committed to the long term process. The fifth is gracious. The Holy Spirit, gracious means treating a person better than they deserve. The opposite of that is performance. Performance-based love. If you're good, I'm gonna treat you good, if you're bad I'm gonna treat you bad. That's performance-based love. But the Holy Spirit is very gracious. He treats us better than we deserve and even on bad days he's a good God and treats us good. So the Holy Spirit, women are companions, comforters, counselors, convicters and connectors. That's the role that they play and they do it gently, in a pure way, in a positive way, in a patient way and a gracious way. That's how God created wives to function.

This is the role of husbands. The Christ-like. Women are Holy Spirit like. Men are Christ-like and here's Ephesians five where we're told this. Ephesians 5:25, husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water, with the word that he might present her to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. So it says husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

I wanna stop right here and I wanna say something. You know the, we all grew up in families and our families, like we know every family's dysfunctional to some degree and the Bible doesn't say love your wife as your father loved your mother. The Bible doesn't say love your wife as your friends love their wives. The Bible doesn't say love your wife as you see people on TV acting. It says as Christ. No one ever accidentally becomes a Christ-like husband. The way that you become a Christ-like husband is to say to God, "I want you to make me into a Christ-like man. And the standard that I'm gonna live my life by is not comparing myself to other men, or other people in my family. But the standard that I'm gonna live my life by, is I want to be like Jesus Christ. And I want to live and love my wife like Jesus Christ".

That's the standard by which I love Karen. Is not to justify any behavior based on what other people are doing. But to always try to be Christ-like. And that's what the Bible says. Let me finish by talking about the three offices, the anointing represents three offices in the old testament. Prophet, priest and king. Jesus came as the fulfillment of Old Testament prophetic office, the preachly office and the king. Jesus was the ultimate prophet, the ultimate priest and the ultimate king. So when it says husbands love you wives as the anointed one loves the church, in Ephesians five that we just read, it tells men how to be a prophet, a priest and a king.

Let me talk about these for just a minute A prophet is responsible for accurately and faithfully delivering the word of God. That's what a prophet did. That's what husbands are supposed to do. That's what Jesus did. Priest, they were intercessors between God and man to solve problems and reconcile relationship. A king was appointed by God to rule over the people as his representative and here's how Jesus fulfilled all three roles. As a prophet Jesus was the incarnate word of God. In Matthew 4:4 Jesus said that it was more important, the word was more important than food. He lived the word before us and told us what God had to say.

As a priest Jesus healed sick people and compassionately did miracles. He even sacrificed his own life to make things right with God. He still intercedes for us before God and he is a sensitive and sacrificial priest. As a king Jesus was a gentle and humble authority figure who washed feet and related on a personal level. His authority was different, it was for the benefit of others and not himself. So Jesus was the ultimate prophet, priest and king. Well here's how men are to be prophet, priest and king in their home. A prophet husband is a man who diligently seeks to hear God's voice and then know God's word for the benefit of his family. This includes living a life consistent with scriptural standards and values but not legalism, nothing like that.

This is Ephesians five, listen to what it says about husbands and the word of God. Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her, with a washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish. Men are supposed to be men of the word. I mean not legalistic, not authoritarian and dominant but we're supposed to be men of the word. We're supposed to be men listening to God and hearing what God has to say for our families.

It's not saying our wives don't hear God 'cause we need to listen to what they have to say also but it means that we're supposed to be men of the word. Well I was not. When Karen and I got married, I was not a man of the word and a week before we got married, Karen told me she wouldn't marry me because of how immoral I was, and I was very immoral and 100 percent of my sex education came from very bad places. And I imported that into our marriage. And I thought that sin would spice up our lives and Karen never went for it, thank God I married a godly woman but I was not a Godly man. Sin, sin kills and sexual sin kills. The best sex takes place in an atmosphere of righteousness.

The number one thing that women are attracted to in men is character. Good character in a man is a turn-on to a woman. Bad character is a turn-off. And the lie the devil wants you to believe is that sexual sin will spice up your lives. It'll destroy your life. It'll destroy your marriage, it will destroy your family. It's a destroyer. The wages of sin is death that's all it does. Jesus said the enemy only comes to steal, kill and destroy. And so being a man of the word means your marriage is gonna get better and better and your wife is going to blossom like a rose. It says that Jesus washes his bride and the washing of water with the word that he might present to himself a glorious church, a glorious bride. And that's what happens when you're a man of the word, is it preserves and promotes the wellbeing of every aspect of your life and your marriage.

Number two is a priest. A man who sensitively and sacrificially meets his wife's needs and helps her deal with spiritual and emotional, physical, family and financial issues and it says husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife, loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. Let me talk again about sex for just a minute and that is pornography objectifies women. Makes 'em an object and it de-emotionalizes them and if a man views that, and believes that that is the norm, he's gonna reject his wife because women are emotional and a wife, a woman has to be pastored.

A woman's sexuality is not compartmentalized, everything in a woman's life is connected to her sexuality. The broken washer, the tree in the backyard dying, her mother's broken finger, the cat that's missing, all of that is a part of her sexuality and so for a righteous husband to enjoy sex with his wife, you've gotta call somebody about the tree, pray for her mother's finger, get the washer fixed, you gotta take care of all that stuff. Okay and at the end of pastoring your wife, you're gonna get the response out of her that you're looking for. But it is absolutely a satanic lie to believe that any of those de-emotionalized, hyper-sexualized women exist in the real world, they don't.

Number three is king. So we need to pastor our wives, listen to her, be sensitive to her, the way you would your own body. Take care of her and there's a big payout for that. Number three, king. A man who is the servant leader of his home, treating his wife as an equal, and with the focus on her wellbeing, he is the initiator of decision making and problem solving without being dominant. So, Ephesians five, the husband is the head of the wife, is also Christ as the head of the church and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be unto her husbands in everything.

Well men and women are completely equals. But it's saying here that men are the head of their wives. Yeah, great, you know why if you're Christ-like man no woman minds a Christ-like husband being her head and the reason is, is because Jesus is a servant leader. Jesus got down and washed the disciples' feet and Peter said, "Never Lord don't do this". And Jesus said, "If I don't, you can't have any part of me unless you do this". And he said, "In the Gentiles they rule over each other, but not so among you. The greatest among you will be the servant of all".

A Christ-like husband serves his wife. He doesn't dominate his wife, he serves his wife. One of the major needs of a woman, woman's four major needs, the first is security, the second is open and honest communication, the third is soft non-sexual affection, the fourth is leadership. Women want their husbands to be the loving initiator of the wellbeing of the home. Finances, the spirituality, the children and the romantic life. They want you to be the loving initiator. Not to dominate them, but to treat them like a complete equal but you start the conversation about the money. You start the conversation about the kids and where they're going to school and church and praying with the kids. You start the conversation about the romantic life and what you guys are gonna do to keep your relationship alive. You're the loving initiator of the wellbeing of the home.

So what I'm saying is, as men we have been called to be the prophet, priest and king of our home according to the example of Christ. It says love your wives as the anointed one loved the church and so most of us men, have the tendency to one or two of those but not all three and that's the problem. We're called to be all three. An example is, you may be a prophet but you're not a priest. You may be a really good prophet but you're not a good priest. And so you can be very harsh and demanding. You may be a good priest, but you're not a good king. And that means you're sweet but you're weak. You may be a good king, but you're not a good priest. That was me, I was a good king, I was a horrible priest.

And so here's how to become all three. First of all just admit your weaknesses. In my case, I wasn't a good priest, I wasn't sensitive. I was dominant but I wasn't sensitive. And so, that's the number one thing. The second thing is, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. And just go to the Holy Spirit and say, "Holy Spirit I wanna be a good prophet, I wanna be a good priest, I wanna be a good king. I wanna be a Christ-like husband and I wanna fulfill everything you want me to do and I need you to help me. You're in my life to help me and I'm asking you to help me to be all three".

The other thing you can do is ask your wife. She'll tell you the truth. You can go to your wife and say, "Honey, I wanna be a Christ-like husband. I wanna be a good prophet, priest and king. How am I doing"? And you know, a lot of times men would feel threatened by that because women are gonna tell you. When you ask a woman a question like that, they're gonna tell you.

But here's my point, my number one job in life except for serving Jesus, is making that woman happy. And when I ask her, "Are you okay"? I'm not threatened by her response. I will change anything in my life to take care of that woman. I will do anything in life to take care of that woman and one day when I get to heaven, the number one stewardship that I have in this life is taking care of Karen Evans and I will give an account for that woman and so I want to know how I'm doing. Am I being a good king? Am I being a good prophet? Am I being a good priest? And if she has input, I wanna hear it.
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