Jeff Schreve - Fighting For Your Family
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Anything worthwhile in life is a fight. It takes work, it takes sweat, and discipline, and prayers, and perseverance, and determination. If it’s gonna matter, you’re gonna have to invest, and it’s not going to be easy. Hey, we’re in a series called «We Are Family,» and today we wanna talk about fighting for your family. Marriage and family are hard things. They’re a constant struggle and a constant dynamic. You never get that thing whipped. «Well, I got my marriage whipped, I don’t have to work on that anymore». It’s a constant thing that you have to work on. Your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your kids, your relationship with your parents, you have to always be working on that, it’s a dynamic.
And families are under attack today like never before, and marriages are failing, and families are disintegrating, and children are rebelling, and temptations are abounding, and God is calling us to stand and fight for our family. Now, to help us understand about the fight, we’re gonna look at Nehemiah. The Book of Nehemiah is about Nehemiah gathering the people of Jerusalem to rebuild the wall. So, if you have your Bible, turn to Nehemiah chapter 4. If you have trouble finding Nehemiah, just go to Psalms in the Old Testament, there are 150 of those, so if you just kind of pick in the middle and you can probably find Psalms, and turn left and you’ll find Job, and you’ll find Esther, and then you find Nehemiah. Nehemiah was cupbearer to the king. The king was Artaxerxes, the king of Persia. The year was 445 B.C. and Nehemiah had a heart for Jerusalem.
Now, he was in Persia, he was far away from Jerusalem, but he heard how bad things were because there was no wall. There was no wall around the city. Isn’t that interesting? Today we’re talking about walls on borders. Well, Nehemiah was concerned because there was no wall around Jerusalem. Nebuchadnezzar, when he came in to destroy Jerusalem in 586 B.C., one of the things that he did was he tore down the wall and he tore down the temple, and so when the Jews were allowed to go back after 70 years of captivity in Babylon, they were allowed, Cyrus the Great who was the king of Persia, Persia had overtaken Babylon, he allowed the Jews to go back, and so Zerubbabel led a group of almost 50,000 Jews, and they went back, and they went back for the purpose of rebuilding Jerusalem, rebuilding the temple. And they rebuilt the temple in 515 B.C. but the walls were still down.
And so we here we are, 445 B.C. It’s been 141 years since Nebuchadnezzar had destroyed the walls, they’ve been down, other people have tried to rebuild, but it just never worked, and so Nehemiah, the Lord put in Nehemiah’s heart, «You go and you get the people to rebuild the wall». It was a massive task, a monumental task, and it was a task that was met with opposition, because the surrounding neighbors of Jerusalem, the Arabs, and the Samaritans, and the Ammonites, and the Ashdodites, they did not want to see the wall up, why? Because a weak Jerusalem meant they could be strong, but if Jerusalem became strong again, then that was going to threaten their power base.
And so, the Scripture says this, Nehemiah chapter 4 beginning in verse 6. «So we built the wall and the whole wall was joined together to half its height, for the people had a mind to work. Now it came about when Sanballat, who was a Samaritan leader, Tobiah, who was an Ammonite leader, the Arabs, the Ammonites, and the Ashdodites heard that the repair of the walls of Jerusalem went on, and that the breaches began to be closed, they were very angry». That word «angry» means to blaze. I mean, there was smoke coming out of their ears they were so mad.
And it says in verse 8, «And all of them conspired together to come and fight against Jerusalem and to cause a disturbance in it. But we prayed to our God, and because of them we set up a guard against them day and night. Thus in Judah it was said, 'The strength of the burden bearer’s is failing. Yet there is much rubbish and we ourselves are unable to rebuild the wall.'» They’re at the halfway point and it’s hard, and you know, it was exciting when they started, and everybody had a t-shirt, we’re building the wall, but now they hit the halfway point, and it’s the halfway point of the marathon, and you’ve hit the wall, so to speak, and you just want to quit.
«So the strength of the burden bearer’s is failing. We ourselves are unable to rebuild the wall. And our enemies said,» verse 11, «'They will not know or see until we come among them, kill them, and put a stop to the work.' And it came about when the Jews who lived near them,» near the enemies, «Who lived near them came and told us ten times, 'They will come up against you from every place where you may turn.' Then I stationed men in the lowest parts of the space between the wall, the exposed places, and I stationed the people and families with their swords, spears, and bows». They were getting ready to fight. Here’s our question for today. What do we need to know about the fight for our family? What do we need to know?
I want to share with you three insights from Nehemiah chapter 4. Insight number one, the enemy is real and wants to destroy your family. The enemy is real. Nehemiah and the people, they were facing a real enemy. Sanballat was a real enemy. Tobiah, a real enemy. The Ashdodites, and the Ammonites, and the Arabs, they were real enemies, and all those names, they kind of encompass enemies to the north, enemies, to the south, enemies to the east, enemies to the west. There’s just enemies all around them just like it is today. Jerusalem sits surrounded by enemies, people that hate Israel.
Well, they hated Israel back then and they wanted to destroy Jerusalem and they didn’t want to see the walls go up, and so they were facing a real enemy and the real enemy was ridiculing them, they were laughing at them, they were mocking them, they were threatening them with violence. They even said we’re gonna come upon you and kill you if you don’t stop this work. They were facing a real enemy. Now, we face a real enemy today. It’s not a flesh-and-blood enemy like they had, our enemy, the Bible says, «For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood». We don’t struggle against flesh and blood, «But against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places».
We have a real enemy, but it’s a spiritual enemy, and that spiritual enemy has a name, and his name is Satan. And there are three areas where he will come where we need to be alert with this enemy who wants to destroy, and kill, and steal. Number one, we must be alert concerning our walk with God, concerning our own hearts, concerning our own walk with God. If the devil wants to destroy your family, and family is so critical and so important. Outside of your relationship with God, family, there’s nothing more precious than family, and the devil wants to destroy that.
Now in the Christian life, in your marriage, in your family, in your home, you gotta make sure your heart is right with God. You gotta be on the alert, because the devil is coming, and what is he gonna do to a Christian? See, to a non-christian he blinds the eyes of the unbelieving so they can’t see the grace of God, and the glory of God, and who Jesus is, and what it means to have a personal relationship with him. And so, what do they do? A non-Christian ends up having religion but not a relationship with God. And they go through the motions, but they wonder where’s the power? Where’s the joy? I just don’t see that. It’s just a bunch of drudgery. And so, the devil wants to make the Christian life drudgery for the lost person who doesn’t see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ.
But how about for the saved person? What does he want to do in the saved person’s life? He doesn’t just say, «Oh, well, okay, that person got saved, I guess now I just go on to somebody else because they’re already saved and I can’t do anything to trip 'em up». No, he comes at you, he comes at me, and he wants to steal our heart away so our heart that was focused on Jesus, in love with Jesus, would start to drift away, and start to find lesser loves to encapture, and encompass, and satisfy our hearts. Hey, we must be alert concerning our walk with God. How are you doing? What’s going on in here? The greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. You do that. Are you growing in your love for him, or when you’re honest with yourself, have other things, lesser things, taken first place? We must be alert concerning our walk with God.
Secondly, we must be alert concerning the state of our marriage. Dennis Rainey, when Debbie and I do Family Life conferences, we have a video of Dennis Rainey, and he always comes on, he and Barbara, and he says, you know, marriage, it’s the headwaters of this thing called family. And if you want to have a great family, you have to have a great marriage, because if the marriage gets torpedoed, then it affects everything in the family. And so, he encourages couples that were at a marriage retreat, he said, hey, we need to work on this thing called marriage. It is so important. You know, kids are nervous, many of them, that mom and dad aren’t gonna make it, that mom and dad aren’t going to last. They see their friend’s parents get divorced, and they wonder is that gonna happen in my home? No kid wants that. No kid wants that.
I remember when Sarah was experiencing that with a friend of hers when she was, I think she was in middle school, and she came home and she was upset, and she was nervous, and she said, «Mom and Dad, is that gonna ever happen with you, where you would get divorced»? We had to encourage her and just tell her that’s never gonna happen. I told Debbie a long time ago if she ever leaves me, I’m going with her. I mean, we’re just not gonna get divorced. We’re gonna work out our issues and our differences. And so, we need to be alert concerning the state of our marriage.
So, be alert concerning your own heart and your own relationship with the Lord. Secondly, be alert concerning the state of your marriage. And thirdly, be alert concerning the condition of your children. How are they doing? Proverbs 27 verse 23, the Scripture says this, «Know well the condition of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds». That word for condition is the Hebrew word «panim,» which means the face. Know well the face of your flocks. Know what’s going on in your kid’s life. Know what’s going on in their face. Spend time with your kids to know what is happening in their world. Don’t just assume everything is fine because they’re not telling you stuff. You need to spend time with them, and quality time and quantity time, so that they can feel the freedom to tell you stuff.
«Know well the condition of your flocks and herds». Know the face of your child. Know what’s going on in them. Hey, you say, I’ve heard this from many parents, they’re like, well, you know, my kid doesn’t let me in, and they’re just, no, you’re not getting in here. That’s why it’s a fight, you gotta fight. I’m not talking about you butting into where they don’t even wanna be around you, but you let it be known, and you spend time with them, and start early, and start young, and putting them to bed, and talking to them at night. You know, kids will open up more at night. And so, those kinds of things, having Bible stories together, and praying together, that opens up communication. Hey, be on the alert, because the enemy is out there. He wants to destroy your life. He wants to wreck and ruin your marriage. He wants to steal your kids.
Second insight from this story, the Lord is great and will help us as we fight. So, look at verse 12 again. «And it came about when the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times, 'They will come up against us from every place where you may turn.'» Nehemiah said, «Then I stationed men in the lowest parts of the space behind the wall and the exposed places. And I stationed the people and families with their swords, spears, and bows. And when I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials, and the rest of the people. 'Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.'»
The Lord is great and will help us as we fight. Remember who he is. He uses the word, «the Lord,» the Adonai. Adonai is sovereign. He’s the master, he’s the owner. The Lord is the master of everything, he’s the owner of everything, he’s the sovereign King in charge of him, in charge of everything. Remember him who’s great and who’s awesome. That word «awesome» means to be feared, and fight, and fight. See, the Lord will help us as we fight. Now, when we talk about remember the Lord, I want you to remember three things concerning the Lord and your family. Number one, remember that God wants you to have a strong and godly family. I mean, we talk about fighting for the family, just know that God is all in that because God is all for family. That’s the first thing that God created was marriage and family.
Before he created the church, before he created schools, before he created government, he had Adam and Eve get married, Genesis chapter 2, and he says, «Be fruitful and multiply,» chapter 1, «And fill the earth». Hey, marriage and family, that is huge to God, and he is for marriage and family. The Scripture says in Psalm 128, «How blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways. When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, you will be happy and it will be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table». He describes a happy family. «Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord».
So, remember the Lord, remember that God is for you, and if God is for me, who can be against me, as it says in Romans chapter 8. So, I am coming up against the world, the flesh, and the devil. There is a real enemy out there who wants to steal, and kill, and destroy, and I remember the Lord who is awesome, and I fight. So, we fight for the family, but we fight God’s way, and in the right way, and we know that God wants us to have a strong and godly family. Secondly, God wants us to face the fear and stand up to the enemy. Nehemiah said in verse 14, «When I saw their fear, I arose and spoke to the nobles». They were afraid. You know, the Bible makes it clear that one of the things that the devil does to try and derail us, to try and get us to quit, is intimidation. He just steps up the intimidation. The devil uses intimidation. The devil uses discouragement. The devil uses lies to get us to quit.
«When I saw their fear». Hey, let me ask you, in your marriage, in your family, what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? Lots of men are afraid if my wife really knew me, she wouldn’t love me anymore because I’ve done some bad stuff. They’re afraid to open up. I remember a man told me one time, he said in tears, he said, «Jeff, if you really knew me, you wouldn’t like me». The Apostle Paul was the chief of sinners, can’t be worse than him. He’s the chief. Hey, you know what? If we just let our fears be known to our spouse, this is what I’m afraid of, I’m afraid you’d leave me, I’m afraid you wouldn’t love me. Mom and Dad, I’m afraid that you would disown me if you knew the things that I did. My mom told me when she and my dad were having such trouble and separated for two-and-a-half years, she said with tears, she said, «Jeff, I’m so afraid of growing old alone».
What are you afraid of? God wants you to face your fear and stand up to the enemy, the enemy who is a liar and the father of lies. What did they say? They said they’re gonna come against you when you’re not even ready. They’re gonna come and they’re gonna kill you. You need to abandon the work. But Nehemiah said, no, you remember the Lord who’s great and awesome, and you fight. So, we remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and we remember that God will fight for us as we stand to fight. He’s not gonna fight for us when we hightail it to the tent. We say, «Oh, Lord, I can’t do this, I’m just gonna go back and play video games,» and God says, hey, you need to engage with your spouse, you need to engage with your kids, you need to know the condition of your flocks and pay attention to your herds. You need to be all in with your family.
«Oh, God, I don’t wanna do that, you fight for me». And the Lord says, no, I won’t do that. I will fight through you, but you have to show up. One of my favorite sayings, you’ve heard me say this before if you’ve been around the church for very long, God will not do what you can do, and you cannot do what he can do. God will not do what you can do, and you cannot do what he can do. God’s not gonna go out and put on his sword and shield and go fight Goliath, David had to do that, but God was gonna give him the victory, something David couldn’t do. You have to face your fear. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight, and as you fight, God will fight for you.
Insight number three, the battle is tough, and the key is prayer and obedience, prayer and obedience. Verse 8, «And all of them conspired together to come and fight against Jerusalem and to cause a disturbance in it. But we prayed to our God, and because of them we set up a guard against them day and night». We prayed and then we acted. You know, you can do more than pray after you pray, but you can’t do more than pray before you’ve prayed, and prayer is not your last resort, it’s the first line of defense. We pray to discern God’s plan and gain his strength, and then we must obey to see his glory. We obey to see God work. When Jesus was at the tomb of Lazarus in John chapter 11, he told Martha, «Roll away the stone». She said, «Lord, he’s been dead four days, he stinks». He said, «Did I not say to you if you believe, you will see the glory of God? Roll away the stone,» do it.
Jesus wasn’t gonna roll away the stone. God will not do what you can do, you cannot do what he can do. You roll away the stone, and when you roll away the stone, God’s gonna do what you can’t do, and he’s gonna say, «Lazarus, come forth,» and he’s gonna perform a great miracle, but it requires your obedience. We must obey to see his glory, and we must never quit the fight. It’s a fight for your family. It’s a fight, and don’t quit just because it’s hard, just because the parenting doesn’t seem to be working, just because your kid is still rebelling, don’t quit. It’s always too early to quit. I’ll close with this story. I have a friend of mine who is the host of «FamilyLife Today» on the radio, Bob Lepine. Bob has been in our church and has shared in our church in a men’s group one night.
Bob told this story to me. He said my mom and dad had a rocky relationship. My dad drank and he was bipolar. He probably also suffered from untreated PTSD because he was on the beach in Normandy and beyond. He said one day I came home from college for Christmas my sophomore year, and he said my mom pulled me aside and said, «Bob, I’m gonna divorce your dad». Bob says I’m not a particularly emotional guy, but I started to cry when she told me that. And she said to Bob, she said, «Bob, why do you care»? She said, «You have your own life now».
Bob said he couldn’t stop crying. He said, «I don’t know why I care, but I do». And he said this, he said, «Jeff, I don’t know if my tears made her change her mind that day, but she did, and they didn’t divorce,» and they were still together more than a decade later when dad was diagnosed with malignant melanoma. By that time, he said he was sober through AA and they’d been able to have some good years together.
She was with him, caring for him all the way to the end. He said she later moved to retirement community and one day she told me this. She said, «Bob, you know, I can tell the difference between the women here who are widows and the women who are divorcees». He said, «What do you mean by that»? She said, «I can see it in their faces. There’s a peace with the women who lost their husbands, but there’s a hardness on the face of the women who have experienced a divorce». Bob says I didn’t say it to her then, but I often thought later, «I’m so glad you have that peace. I know it was hard, but I’m so glad you and dad stayed together».