James Merritt - The Look That Kills
I want you to imagine that you’re standing outside of your house on April 8th of this year, 2024, and you’re gazing up at the sky. Now if you do that, here’s what you’re going to see. You’re gonna see something very, very rare. You’re going to see a total solar eclipse. Doesn’t happen often. It fully blocks the sun’s bright face, turns the day into night for just a few minutes. And from beginning to end, that solar eclipse is going to last about three hours. I’m talking about broad daylight, and the whole world will be in darkness.
Now, if you’ve ever seen one, it’s exciting, but I think there’s one thing you know. And if you don’t, I’m gonna tell you now, you’d better remember it. 'Cause there’s one thing you never do in a solar eclipse. Can somebody tell me what that is? You never look at the sun directly. Okay, now, you know, you may wanna take a peak. But I’m telling you, you don’t wanna do it directly because it can cause what’s called eclipse blindness. It can burn your retina. You won’t feel it, you won’t even know it’s happening. The damage can be permanent. You can lose your eyesight. It can cause complete, permanent, total vision impairment.
Now, experts call it eclipse impairment. I call it the look that kills. And Jesus talked about another look that’s a far more deadly look than looking into the face of the sun. As a matter of fact, it is a look that has killed more marriages, it has ruined more relationships, it has devastated more friendships, it has absolutely polluted the minds of so many children, you can’t even imagine it. It can wreak unbelievable damage on your mind, on your heart, on your soul. It can even have, as we’re gonna find out, eternal consequences. And the look that I’m talking about is called lust.
Now, lust is something we don’t think about. And if we do think about it, it’s kind of casual. Because the whole idea of lusting after another person sexually in a way really doesn’t concern us at all. Because here’s the way we think subliminally. «Well, after all, I’m just doing it in my mind. Nobody knows about it. Nobody can read my mind. What I do in my own mind is my own business. So what is the harm»? As a matter of fact, lemme tell you how pervasive this is, and we didn’t even realize it. There is a phrase that is used in the advertising industry. It’s well known; it’s well practiced. And you’ve heard it over and over and over. Maybe you haven’t. I’ll introduce you to to it. But it’s one of those popular phrases.
If you work in advertising, there’s two words you know are absolutely true. And those two words are «Sex sells». And it does. I bet you if you think about it, and probably, most of you do not, have you ever really thought about how much advertising is based on creating in us a lust for somebody or something? As a matter of fact, one of my favorite authors is a Catholic. His name’s Peter Kreeft. Great thinker, he’s a great apologist. And I love to read after Peter Kreeft. But Peter Kreeft said something that I thought, «Man, that is so profound, it really is true». Listen to what he said. He said, «If lust ceased tomorrow, we would be plunged into the greatest economic depression in history. Remove sex appeal from advertising, advertising from the economy, the economy from our civilization and what would we have left»? Now you may sit there and think, «Oh man, he’s really overstating the case».
Well, let me give you one prime example. And a lot of you men out there who are looking at me real innocent right now, a lot of you men out there are gonna say, «Yeah, I think I get it». Some of you men, with this next sentence, you’re gonna know exactly where I’m going. One of the best selling magazines in America, is today, has been for decades, it’s one that I don’t take but I love to read their articles is «Sports Illustrated». I don’t subscribe to «Sports Illustrated». As I say, I do like the articles. They’re really well written. It’s really a great magazine if you like sports.
Ladies, you may not know this, but the guys will figure it out. Do you know what the best selling issue of «Sports Illustrated» is every single year? What is it, guys? Yeah, it’s the swimsuit issue. I mean, men that don’t care about hockey, basketball, football, baseball, they rush to the newsstand to get the issue that is the swimsuit issue. Why? Because it’s filled with salacious, provocative photos of fashion models and athletes and celebrities. Let me just give you a little fact here. When that first issue, since that first issue came out in 1997, that magazine has become one of «Time’s» biggest revenue drivers. «Time Magazine» owns «Sports Illustrated». It’s become one of the biggest revenue drivers over the years. It brings in, are you ready for this? It brings in more than $1 billion.
Just the June issue. It always comes out in June. Just the June issue alone sells more than 1 million copies. That’s about 15 times as much as the regular «Sports Illustrated» issue. Now, the reason why sex sells, and it does, is because one of the primary purposes of sexual advertising is to get us to lust. Now, again, you may sit there and you may be thinking, «Well, wait a minute. What is the harm of looking at a magazine with scantily clad women even if it does cause our minds to wander where maybe they should not go? Because after all, nobody knows but me. It’s not hurting anybody. My girlfriend doesn’t know it. My wife doesn’t know it». Maybe, on the other hand, my boyfriend or whatever, nobody knows it. What is the harm?
Well, Jesus answers that question in the greatest sermon ever preached, the Sermon on the Mount. If you’re watching us for the first time, or you’re here for the first time, we’re in a series we’ve been calling, Get Used to Different. And it really is different. And what Jesus, again, is about to tell us is so radically different from the thinking of this world. And here’s why. Many people think that sexual sin is just in the touch. It’s not in the thought, it’s just in the touch. Jesus would say, no, sexual sin is also in the thought. He says, «If you even look or you think in a lustful way, you’ve committed sexual sin».
So let me give you kind of a, not trying to be funny, kind of a catchy way to remember what Jesus is going to tell us today. Okay, here’s what He’s saying to us. Sexual sin may occur in the bed, but it always begins as a sin in the head. Sexual sin may occur in the bed, but it always begins as a sin in the head. Jesus said, sexual sin is not just physical. It is mental, it is emotional, it is spiritual. It can be both on the inside and the outside. In a day and age and culture where sexual immorality is running rampant, polluting the hearts and minds of our children, ruining marriages, even the concept of a biblical marriage is being destroyed, Jesus says, let me just give you three principles to remember to guard us against sexual sin and help us avoid the look that kills.
Jesus said, «First of all, there is a law that condemns sexual sin». By the way, if you brought your little notebook with you today, we’re on page 28. You can take notes. Jesus said, «There’s a law that condemns sexual sin». So here’s what Jesus begins by saying. He says, «You’ve heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.'» Now, everybody in that crowd knew exactly what Jesus meant. That didn’t surprise anybody. Everybody knew that. If you were a good Jew, you knew exactly what he was saying. Adultery is marital infidelity. When a married man has sex with a woman other than the wife, if the woman has sex with anyone else, that is adultery. Jesus didn’t have to explain it. He doesn’t say, lemme tell you what I mean by that, because everybody totally perfectly understood it, particularly if you were a Jew. 'Cause it goes all the way back to what I call the top 10, the 10 Commandments. It made the list.
God plainly said, «You shall not commit adultery». And technically, it refers to a person who has sexual relations with anybody outside of marriage: a man with a woman, a woman with a man. So any kind of sexual relations outside of marriage between a man and a woman, He said that is adultery. Now, even though society as a whole, even today, would condemn this type of sexual adultery, this sexual sin, it’s still commonly accepted. It doesn’t really resonate with us anymore. As matter of fact, we never even call it adultery. You never call it. We call it an affair. Or even today now, something that’s real popular is what’s called polyandry. You know what polygamy is. Well, polyandry is simply the willingness to be open and say to a husband or a wife or to other boyfriends and girlfriends, «Hey, let’s have an open relationship.
You know, we could swap partners. We could have different partners. You know, no big deal». And people think that’s blase. And yet, all this time with all this sexual stuff going on, God’s needle never moves. God says, «You shall not commit adultery». So you can call it whatever you wanna call it: having an affair, an extramarital fling, a one-night stand, sowing your wild oats, one more hookup. God says, and He does not stammer and He does not stutter, «You shall not commit adultery». Jesus said, «You’ve heard it». You know it’s true. You know what it means. No exceptions, no excuses, no exemptions, no exclusions. Now I wanna just get practical for just a minute. I told our staff this morning. «There are people in this room right now, and you wish you hadn’t come. And you know why you wish you hadn’t come». But I just wanna give you a little word of warning. I’ve seen it throughout my ministry. We get this thought. «Maybe the grass is greener on the other side».
Lemme tell you what I have seen. It may be, but it’s twice as hard to cut. All that glitters is not gold. It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. Lemme give you a little statistic. Did you know that the majority of men, I’m just talking about men, did you know the majority of men who commit adultery, the majority of men who have extramarital affairs, did you know that the majority of men return to their wives? Do you know what percent of men who have extramarital affairs marry their mistress? 3%. So if you’re one of these girls and you’re letting a guy have you out on the side even though he’s married, you got a 3% chance that guy’s gonna marry you. And oh, by the way, of the 3% that do marry their mistresses, three out of four of those end in divorce. And why not? If you can’t trust the person before they get married, how can you trust 'em after you get married?
So Jesus said, «There’s this law that condemns sexual sin». You know, there’s a phrase that I hear all the time, and it just makes my blood boil. We talk about safe sex. You hear that all the time. «We need to practice safe sex». That’s the wrong adjective. The right adjective is sacred sex. Sex is sacred. Sex ought to be God-guided. Sex ought to be guarded because sex is God-given. So just keep this in mind. Safe sex is sinful sex if it’s not sacred sex, which can only occur in marriage between a man and a woman. I’m gonna say that again. When somebody says, «Hey, I believe we ought to practice safe sex,» ask, «What do you mean by safe sex»? Lemme tell you what I mean. Safe sex is sinful sex if it’s not sacred sex, which can only occur in marriage between a man and a woman.
Jesus said, «There is a law that condemns sexual sin». Deal with it. I don’t care what Hollywood says. I don’t care what the Brad Pitts of this world say. «You shall not commit adultery». But again, that’s where most pastors back in that day would’ve left it. Everybody knew that. But then Jesus, He says, no, no, no. We’re gonna go deeper and we’re gonna go higher and we’re gonna go farther. Because not only is there a law that condemns sexual sin, Jesus said, «There is a look that commits sexual sin». There’s a look that commits sexual sin. Now, the next words out of Jesus' mouth, I’m telling you, chins were dropping. I’m telling you that chins were bouncing off the ground. Jaws were dropping. He says, «But I tell you…»
And by the way, I guarantee you, about this time in the sermon, everybody’s going, «Here we go again. Here we go again». «You have heard it said, but…» And everybody buckled their seatbelt. «I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart». Nobody in the history of this planet… Until Jesus said those words, nobody had ever moved sexual sin from the physical to the mental and the emotional and the spiritual. Because here’s the belief. The belief back then was the belief that it was today. You know, you can look, just don’t touch. That’s where you get in trouble. You can look, but just don’t touch. Jesus says, no, no, no, no. There is a look that kills. And now Jesus gets to the heart of the problem of sexual sin because the problem of sexual sin begins in the heart.
By the way, that word for look is in the present tense in the Greek language. What he was saying was this. You don’t get in trouble when you just glance at someone. It’s when you gaze at someone. It’s not just that… And I’ve seen, I’ve done this. Look, I’m a human being, guys, like you are. I’ve seen women all my life and I’ve said, «She’s a beautiful woman. She’s an attractive woman». Teresa’s seen guys. «He’s a good looking guy; he’s a handsome guy». That’s not what Jesus is talking about. It’s not that quick look that looks away. It’s that continuous look. It’s that lingering stare. It goes just beyond admiring an attractive woman or a handsome man. The term that Jesus is using makes it go from G-rated to X-rated.
Let me give you a practical illustration. So I met Teresa. And you know my story. I met Teresa, proposed to her on the second date. She wasn’t having it, which I still never understood, but she wasn’t having it. And so I said, «Okay, I’ll give you some time». Okay, this may have been a part of the story you don’t know. Well, two weeks went by. I was just praying and just hoping that, you know, she would see the light. Well, I didn’t know this, but in that two-week period, she met this guy at a dance. In fact, they started dating. For two weeks, they dated every night. I didn’t know it for two weeks. And so, you know, after she told me she loved me and, of course, cut that off, I was just talking to her. I said, «Man, how did that happen so quick»? She said, «You know, I went to this dance, and I was letting everybody know at the dance that my school was having a dance the next night. And there was this guy, blonde-haired, blue-eyed basketball player».
Ugly as sin in my opinion. «There’s was a white, blonde-haired, blue-eyed basketball player». And she said, «I noticed him across the room». I’m not making this up. Here’s what she said. She said, «He just captivated me with that look». I said, «Well, what do you mean»? She said, «He had hungry eyes». I said, «Well, gluttony is a sin. Let’s get that outta the way right now». But she said, you know, «He had hungry eyes». Well, I understood. There’s a difference between a longing look and a lustful look. I love the way C.S. Lewis put it. C.S. Lewis said, «If you look at ham and eggs in lust, you’ve committed breakfast in your heart». That’s what Jesus said. John Maxwell defined lust this way. «Lust is any thought…»
Now think about this. «Lust is any thought that if you actually carried it out, it would be a sin». That’s what lust is. And Jesus said, «There’s this look that kills». In other words, what Jesus is saying is you should never look at a person in such a way that either on the one hand diminishes your commitment to your spouse, or you degrade that person who is created in the image of God. And they’re not just a sex object. They’re someone that’s precious in the eyes of God. And Jesus said, when you look at someone that way, when you undress that woman, you undress that man, in your heart, your mind, you go to bed with that woman, that man, you have committed sexual sin. You have broken God’s law.
So a lot of you are sitting there right now and you’re saying, «Hadn’t touched me. I’ve been faithful to my wife, and I have. For 47 years, I’ve been faithful». You bet, that’s great. But I wanna deal with something that’s uncomfortable for some people. Fact is, it’s really a little bit uncomfortable for me because I know the facts. Because I wanna talk for just a minute about the greatest lust machine in the world. There is nothing in our society today, nothing, that poisons the mind, incites lust, and corrupts the heart more than pornography. And there’s some of you watching me right now, some of you listening to me right now and you’re giving it your best doesn’t-affect-me stare. But with some of you in this room, I’m striking a nerve.
With some young guys, maybe some young girls, I’m striking a nerve. Because this is gonna take a little while, but I just want you to understand how big this problem is. 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18. Get that down. 93% of boys, 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18. Every second, 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet. Every second. $3,075 is being spent on pornography on the internet. 372 people are typing the word adult into a search engine. That’s every second. Every day, 37 pornographic videos are created in the United States. Every day. 2.5 billion emails containing porn are sent or received every day. 68 million searches are related to pornography, which is 25% of total searches on the internet.
One out of four times when people get on the internet is because of pornography. That’s every day. 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography. Pornography websites get more traffic… Listen to this. Pornography websites get more traffic and visitors every month than Netflix, Twitter, and Amazon put together. The porn industry makes more money than the NFL, the NBA and Major League Baseball put together. The financial cost of business productivity in the United States alone because of pornography is $17 billion. But let’s go to the home.
Let’s go to marriage. Pornography increases marital infidelity by 300%. 56% of all divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites. But this is the one that just, Mike Dean, punches me in the gut. And I’m not calling Mike out 'cause he’s a good guy. He’s just my buddy. The most popular day to look at pornography is Sunday. Let that sink in. The most popular day to look at pornography is Sunday. On top of that, pornography is connected to a form of modern day slavery which is the fastest-growing criminal industry in the world. That’s human trafficking. Pornography, listen, fuels the sex trade by demand. And the bottom line is Jesus said, lust and sexual sin are joined at the hip. It’s the thought that precedes the touch.
Sexual sin is as much an attitude as it is an action. It’s not just physical. It’s mental, it’s emotional, it’s spiritual. And sexual sin can not only take place behind the curtains of a bedroom. He said it can take place behind the shades of your heart. So I’m talking to some of you right now who are married and you’re quote unquote in that affair. Get out of it today. I’m talking to some of you right now. We’re gonna get more practical in a moment. You’re addicted to pornography. You’d better be getting help today.
You say, «Well, I just don’t know why you make such a big dea»? Well, I wanna go to the last thing Jesus said. He said, «Look, there’s a law that condemns sexual sin. You shall not commit adultery of any type». But then, as you see, he tightens the screws. I mean, he really does tighten the screws. He says, «There’s a look that commits sexual sin». But he doesn’t leave it there. He’s a good doctor. So He tells us that there’s a lesson that controls sexual sin. So look what Jesus says. Here’s how it concludes.
Now this is pretty radical. Listen to what He said. He said, «So if your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble,» we’ll come back to that word in a moment, «cut it off, throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell». Now, here’s the good news. Obviously, Jesus did not literally mean because, you know, that we ought to gouge out our eye or we ought to cut off our hand. Because can I be honest? If that were true, we’d all be blind and we’d all be crippled. Just get it out there, right?
So that’s not what He meant. But if you lived back then, you’d know what He was saying. In Jewish culture, the right eye represented your best eye. And the right hand represented your strongest hand. And what Jesus was saying was, every strength has a mere weakness. I told our staff today, I said, «Y’all, I’m gonna be talking about adultery today». And I said, «But I want you to understand, except for the grace of God, I’d be talking to me». So if you’re one of those people that say, «Well, you know, I’ve never committed adultery, you know, at least physically. And I’ve always been faithful». Remember, «Let every man who stands take heed lest he fall».
And what Jesus was saying was, you need to give up anything, no matter what it is, you need to give up anything to protect your heart, your body, your soul, your mind, your purity, and, if it applies, your marriage. 'Cause lemme tell you what, that word stumble. That word stumble is a very powerful word. One reason I love the Greek language, 'cause you get to kind of dig deep. Let me tell you what that word stumble means. That word stumble was used to describe a bait stick that would spring a trap whenever an animal would touch it. And then they would get closed in the trap.
Now, I don’t know if you’re like me. Some of you guys who grew up in the country may can relate to this, okay. When I was a boy, my dad taught me how to trap rabbits. Anybody here ever trap rabbits, just outta curiosity? Some of you have. So you know, George, you know what I’m talking about. So my dad taught me how to trap rabbits. I went out in the woods. You get a box and you put a box on a stick. And then you put some carrots or food in the box. Well, the rabbit comes, he smells the food. He didn’t pay attention to the stick. He rushes in to the box to get the food, knocks the trap out, the box closes behind him. I caught, I don’t know, probably 10 or 15 rabbits that way.
You say, «What’d you do with 'em»? Let 'em go, I just caught 'em for fun. But the point is, they went into this trap. That’s exactly the word that Jesus is using. And what Jesus is saying, think, is anytime you’re walking into a situation and you know in your heart there’s a stick in a box there. And if I walk in there, that trap’s going to spring on me, anything that would cause you to fall into sexual sin, you’ve got to get that completely out of your life. So lemme just make this real plain. Jesus did not say, all right, if your right eye offends you, get Ray-Bans. He didn’t say that. He didn’t say, if your right hand causes you to stumble, put it in a sling. He uses a very gross exaggeration to make a clear statement. He said, whatever might be a stumbling block in your life, whatever could drag your mind into the slime of lust, whatever could cause you to fall into the pit of sexual sin, whatever that is, you do whatever you need to do to control it and you need to get rid of it.
So you got a problem with pornography. Admit it; get help for it. Get accountability to stop it. My computer. I call 'em geeks and geeks are important. Geeks are needed. Thank God for geeks. I’ve got a geek. He’s got passwords to everything I’ve got. He can get into my computer anytime he wants to get into it. He can check any website I’ve been. You say, «Well, you don’t trust yourself»? Not for a second. I trust Him, I don’t trust me. But you know your heart. I don’t know my heart. You don’t know your own heart. The heart’s deceitfully wicked. So I just take steps to make sure. Okay, I’m gonna be clear.
So, for example, for some of you, it may mean giving someone the passwords to your phone or your computer who can always check to see where you’ve been and what you’ve been looking at. It may mean that even today, you better cut off any sinful, emotional, or physical contact you’re having with someone else. It may mean you get Christian counseling. It may mean that you get an accountability partner, someone that knows what you’re doing and where you are 24/7. Jesus said, I don’t care what you’ve gotta do. You do whatever you’ve got to do to guard your heart, guard your mind. Because He said, and He didn’t pull punches, you are in grave eternal danger if you don’t. Sexual sins, nothing to play around with. It is nothing to poo poo. It is nothing to ignore. It is nothing to joke about. It’s nothing to make light about. He said, better to do whatever you’ve gotta do than for you and your body and your soul to be cast into hell.
I was reading the other day about this little country store out in the middle of nowhere. And this stranger was just passing through and he thought he’d stop and get a Coke. And so he was walking up the stairs of this little old country store, and there was a sign there that said, «Danger, beware of dog,» posted on the door. So actually, you know, his antenna was up, his radar was up. When he walked inside, there was this harmless old tick hound dog asleep on the floor next to the cash register. And he said to the store owner, he said, «Is that the dog I’m supposed to beware of»? And he said, «Yep, that’s him». The stranger said, «He doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post a sign to make sure that people see him»? He said, «Well, because before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him».
Now, Jesus has put a dog by the door. And you may think that dog is asleep, but Jesus said, if you’re not careful, that dog will trip you into ruining your life and killing your marriage and destroying your reputation and devastating your family and even endangering your soul. So you’d better be careful and you’d better get rid of it and you’d better stop it.
So I’ll close with a little story some of you may remember from your Greek mythology. If you don’t, I’ll give you a story you need to remember. It’s got a great lesson. There was a Greek figure, his name was Odysseus. And Odysseus was traveling to the island of what was called the sirens. And these were women on rocks who would sing songs. And if you listened to the songs, you would go mad. You would go insane. Now, it would only be temporary. It didn’t last. It only lasted as long as you stayed in earshot of the sirens. But when you were in earshot of the sirens, you would absolutely go mad. You would go stark raving mad. Well, he had to guide that ship through these rocks to make sure that they did not crash. So he was wondering, «What am I going to do»?
So here’s what he did. He didn’t wanna do anything that would put his men in danger or would put him in danger or cause the ship to crash. So he put wax in the ears of all of his sailors. He tied himself to the mast. And he told his men, «No matter what direction I give you, no matter what I tell you to do, when I tie myself to the mast and I have set our course, you stay on that course. Don’t you listen to me. I’m gonna make sure you don’t listen to me. I’m putting wax in your ears so that we can get safely to the other side».
Now the good news is, we don’t need wax in our ears. Because we’ve got the Spirit of God in our hearts. We’ve got the word of God that can carry us and guide us. We have eyes that can always focus on the one who never leads us into temptation, but delivers us from evil. And it’s because of His death and His burial and His resurrection and His spiritual power. We can’t avoid the look that kills.
So I’m gonna close with this. It’s not in my notes, this is just an aside. You young people over here, you guys over here, you gals over here, the world, the flesh, and the devil’s got one sexual goal for you, one. Lose your virginity as quick as you can. Have that sexual experience whenever you’re ready. I’m telling you guys, it’s a dead end street that leads to nowhere.
I’ve married a lot of people. Unfortunately, probably the majority of people today I marry have already had sexual experience. But I’ve married quite a few who saved themselves, who did it the right way. I’ve never met one couple yet, I’ve never met one woman yet, I’ve never met one man yet, not one that said, I wished I hadn’t waited. «You shall not commit adultery». Don’t you listen to Hollywood. Don’t you listen to the celebrities. Don’t you give in to the message of the movies. Whether it’s in the mind or the heart or the body, be pure, be blameless. It’s worth it.