James Meehan - Cardi B, #FreeBritney, and How to Ask Someone Out
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James Meehan: Well, welcome to Culture Makers. My name is James Meehan, we are honored that you are joining with us. Speaking of honored, we also have the one, the only, "Jasmine Reynolds from Alive Church Online. With us, Jasmine say the words to the people, go".
Jasmine Reynolds: That was a very long intro... Well, yeah,
James Meehan: Thank you.
Jasmine Reynolds: I'm super, I'm super honored to be here. Thanks for having me.
James Meehan: Here's the deal. Culture is being made.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yes.
James Meehan: Every single day. And we're here to talk about it. Actually, as a matter of fact, a few years ago there was a child who is given birth to...
Jasmine Reynolds: Yes. Who's name...
James Meehan: ...named Kulture.
Jasmine Reynolds: With a K
James Meehan: With a K.
Jasmine Reynolds: With a K.
James Meehan: And Kulture was made. The parents are the Cardi B and I believe is Offset the dad of Kulture?
Jasmine Reynolds: Offset is the baby daddy.
James Meehan: Of Kulture as well?
Jasmine Reynolds: Yes. Who is...
James Meehan: I'm looking for confirmation off-screen?
Jasmine Reynolds: A part of, yeah.
James Meehan: Yup.
Jasmine Reynolds: Okay. The band or the... I'm sorry, the rap group.
James Meehan: The rap group, not a band. Totally different. N' sync was a band.
Jasmine Reynolds: Listen.
James Meehan: Migos a group,
Jasmine Reynolds: Don't make fun of my N' Sync. I love my N' Sync and Backstreet Boys, okay?
James Meehan: So not relevant. So, here's the thing, Cardi B just revealed that she's pregnant with her second child with Offset. The, one of the rapper of Migos. And what's really interesting about their relationship is, there was a time, correct me if I'm wrong, you can let me know in the chat, where they actually were married.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: But then they decided to get a divorce, but they're choosing...
Jasmine Reynolds: But they're still together.
James Meehan: ...to still be together
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: I think the thing that's important for us to wrestle with, as followers of Jesus is, how should we think about so many of the influential people that we look up to? Maybe because of their music, the movies that they're in, the books that they write, you know, the following they have on Instagram. How do we look at something like that, that relationship, and then wrestle with it wisely and figure out what does that mean for us?
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah, and I think it's different too, because Cardi B, I don't think at any point has ever said that she's a Christian or that she believes in God.
James Meehan: Right as far as I know.
Jasmine Reynolds: And so I think that, that's important to take into consideration too. Because when we are looking at Cardi B, we're not looking at her as, you know, somebody who follows Jesus.
James Meehan: Right.
Jasmine Reynolds: And, you know, and so I think that that's really important for us to all take into consideration who is it that we're following and understanding that there are some people that we love that we don't necessarily agree with our lifestyle and that's okay.
James Meehan: Right.
Jasmine Reynolds: But we're also not here to judge their lifestyle.
James Meehan: For sure.
Jasmine Reynolds: Just because they're not a follower of Jesus.
James Meehan: Right and I think this is the thing that's so important for us to recognize is that, if we only ever spend time with or look to people that agree with everything we already believe. Then guess what we're not doing.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: We're not reaching people that haven't already been reached.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yes.
James Meehan: And the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians, chapter five, talks about this idea of who is it that we're supposed to judge.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: And he literally says, "Hey, is it my job to judge those outside the church"?
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: As a matter of fact, no.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: My job is to judge those inside the church.
Jasmine Reynolds: Which actually is like so interesting because I feel like for so long, I was always told don't judge people, don't judge people. Like not... and even as followers of Jesus.
James Meehan: Come on dude, yeah, yeah.
Jasmine Reynolds: It's not my place to judge. I don't judge anybody. But it's like, actually, no. Like we, as followers of Jesus, hold each other accountable.
James Meehan: 100%.
Jasmine Reynolds: And that is so important to do. And to also remember, like you just said, we're not called to judge people outside the church because they don't believe.
James Meehan: Right.
Jasmine Reynolds: The same things we do.
James Meehan: Right. They don't believe what we believe. And when we look at the person of Jesus over and over and over again, what we see is that he was the most gentle and gracious towards those who were outside of the family of God.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: And he was most harsh to those that were inside the family of God.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: So here's the deal, for like us.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: As Christian leaders that are part of the church. When we mess up, you better believe, hold us accountable all day long because we will fall short. And that accountability is a gift.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: But when we are judging and trying to hold accountable, people that have never agreed to what we believe in, then it comes across as condemnation. And that's actually what pushes people away from it.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yes and as followers of Jesus, what we want to do is show people who don't necessarily believe, we're, we are a vessel.
James Meehan: Come on, dude. Come on.
Jasmine Reynolds: We are supposed to be the hands and feet of Jesus. And so when we do condemn or when we do shame others for living a certain lifestyle or doing certain things, what we're doing is just what you said or pushing people away from Jesus, which is the exact opposite of what Jesus did.
James Meehan: Absolutely, so, yes. Have wisdom, use discernment. Make sure that you're not basing your life off of decisions that people might be making that are not honoring to God. But at the same time don't ever allow yourself to look down on others because they're making decisions that you may not agree with. Because every single person, Cardi B, Offset, their future child, are all human beings, made in the image of God. And every single one of us has been called to love them, the same way that God through Christ has loved us.
Jasmine Reynolds: I love that.
James Meehan: All right, next thing, we've gotta talk about.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah.
James Meehan: Because he just talked about relationships.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yes.
James Meehan: And how complicated and messy they can be.
Jasmine Reynolds: Mm-hm?
James Meehan: The people need to know, Jasmine?
Jasmine Reynolds: Yup?
James Meehan: Based off of your experience, your expertise, how? How as a Christian, do you have ask someone out on a date?
Jasmine Reynolds: Uh, so, my now-husband.
James Meehan: Oh, okay.
Jasmine Reynolds: Yeah, my now husband...
James Meehan: Are you 'bout to spill the tea?
Jasmine Reynolds: I am, 'bout tos... Well, I don't know if it's spilling the tea or...
James Meehan: Do people still say that?
Jasmine Reynolds: ...really embarrassing me.
James Meehan: Or is that a?
Jasmine Reynolds: Is that a thing?
James Meehan: I don't know.
Jasmine Reynolds: I think it's still a thing.
James Meehan: It's not a thing, we're getting confirmation off-screen.
Jasmine Reynolds: If it's not a thing. Okay, well, my now-husband, at the time we had gone on a few dates just to see if we were like, compatible, right?
James Meehan: Oh, whoa.
Jasmine Reynolds: It's true.
James Meehan: Weird.
Jasmine Reynolds: It's important.
James Meehan: Wow.
Jasmine Reynolds: It's important.
James Meehan: You didn't just immediately get married, the first time you saw each other?
Jasmine Reynolds: No, we did not.
James Meehan: Wow.
Jasmine Reynolds: Actually I literally was like, my husband he's, he dresses really great.
James Meehan: Yeah, he does.
Jasmine Reynolds: And he's a pretty boy.
James Meehan: Blair Reynolds.
Jasmine Reynolds: And I love him.
James Meehan: Yeah, he is. I do too. Come on.
Jasmine Reynolds: So my now-husband, then we went on a few dates.
James Meehan: Yeah.
Jasmine Reynolds: I got this message on Facebook from somebody saying like, "Hey, I would love to take you on a date". Which is also kind of a weird way to ask somebody on a date.
James Meehan: What'd you mean? Just.
Jasmine Reynolds: Through a Facebook message.
James Meehan: What?
Jasmine Reynolds: Slide into the DMs?
James Meehan: "Hey I would love to take..". I think it's weird.
Jasmine Reynolds: Oh, interesting. Why wouldn't you just ask somebody in person?
James Meehan: Oh, shots fired, okay.
Jasmine Reynolds: Could friend somebody, right? And you like 'em.
James Meehan: Dang.
Jasmine Reynolds: You can't be afraid to go up to someone and you like 'em.
James Meehan: Well no, I've received this feedback.
Jasmine Reynolds: Well.
James Meehan: I'm kidding.
Jasmine Reynolds: I got a message on Facebook.
James Meehan: It's a joke.
Jasmine Reynolds: I got a message on Facebook if somebody else ask me on a date. And so I wound up sending a message to Blair and was like, "Hey, listen, I got this message". As somebody, somebody asked me to go out on a date. "I don't wanna go, but I need you to tell me that if we are exclusive and I wanna know".
— Come on.
— So I can tell this guy, "Actually I'm dating someone. Thanks for your offer though".
— Right.
— And Blair wound up calling me and was like, "I was gonna wait to ask you, but I guess we could just do it now. Would you like to be my girlfriend"? So.
— Ladies and gentleman, that's your answer.
— Define the relationship.
— Wait until somebody messages the other person on Facebook.
— No, don't do that. That's terrible advice.
— Well, but I think this is like a great example of maybe, the importance of what you just said, defining the relationship.
— Yeah.
— So like I remember whenever my now-wife, Mandy. Whenever we were first, when we first met,
— Yeah.
— I was super interested. She was super not. And so like I was trying to make a move,
— Yeah. found out she was dating somebody else. I knew eventually they'd break up. They did, come on, somebody in Jesus' name...
— How did you know that they're eventually gonna break up? Oh, I just. I just hoped. I- I didn't know. I was just kind of hoping that they would. But they break up.
— Mm-hm? And then we lived in the same city and we got to have a conversation. And in that conversation, I was like, "Oh, hey. Yeah, I think we've got a lot of things in common. I'd love to talk to you more. We should go to Chipotle sometime". Well she, 100% shot me down, which was right on her because I was yep, yep, yep. Still, still being worked on by the grace of Jesus. But then eventually, we started hanging out in the same group of friends. Which was a really great way for us to get to know each other, on a friend level, without the pressure and expectations of, "Oh, is she into me"?
— That's good.
— "Am I into her"?
— Mm-hm.
— But eventually we realized, "Oh, I think that we've got some chemistry". I think that there might be some mutual attraction.
— Mm-hm.
— And I realized, "Oh, it might be a little bit confusing for her to know where we stand in this relationship".
— Yeah.
— And so I realized, "Man, if I don't define this relationship, then I'm not gonna be honoring her". Because she's gonna keep wondering, "What do I think"?
— That's good.
— And so I said, "Hey, would you mind going to coffee? I'd love to just bring some clarity to our situation". We sit down and I said, "Hey, just so you know, I've kind of got this list of the things I'm looking for, in a potential partner. I want them to love Jesus. I want them to have a great personality. To be committed to learning and growing and they gotta be smoking hot. And just to be blunt, you are all four of those things. And so I would love to pursue a relationship with you. Is that something you'd be interested in"?
— Yeah. And so she kind of like blushed a little bit. And then she said, "Yeah, like we can take it one step at a time". And so, we, we did have this kind of season of like, what it sounds like you and Blair had.
— Yeah.
— Where we went on some dates to try to figure out, "Okay, is the chemistry really there outside of a group of friends"?
— Yeah.
— And this was really, really helpful thing to learn, "Okay. I think I like her. She likes me. It seems like we're a good match. Let's continue to pursue this relationship".
— Yeah.
— So, for those of you that are watching this, here's my advice. Just be clear, tell people what you're feeling, what you're thinking. Because the longer it goes, the more confusing it gets.
— Mm-hm.
— I think one of the best things that we can do is just be really honest with people. And it's not helpful for either party.
— Oh, for sure.
— And I love that clarity is so important. No matter like if you're going on a date with someone or if you're dating someone.
— Absolutely. or even in any other relationship-friendship that you have, clarity is so, so, so important.
— Come on. Next part, talking about something that I think is not as clear as we would like for it to be.
— Speaking of clarity.
— Come on. Because it's just really weird and messy situation going on right now with Britney Spears.
— Yeah.
— Who was like an icon, when I was growing up.
— Same.
— You better believe that like my sisters had all of her songs... to Britney Spears?
— Well, whoa, okay. Hold your horses.
— Yeah, yeah?
— My sisters had all her songs, would play them on her own like CD player.
— Oh yeah.
— And I would listen and loved it.
— But, but right now...
— Sing a long. ...there's a lot of stuff that's coming out about her current situation. That, honestly, from the outside looking in, it just seems really heartbreaking and also frustrating.
— So Jasmine,
— Yeah. what can you enlighten us about with the whole situation going on and how we should think about it?
— If you're not aware of what's going on, her court cases now going on, where she is really fighting against her dad. So that she can now really be in charge of her life again,
— Right.
— because her dad has been in charge of everything. Her finances, what she's able to do, what she's not able to do. And if she's able to see her kids or not. And so there's all of this stuff that's going on. Which to me, just personally, is weird, because it's like, I remember watching her concerts. I remember listening and singing along to her music.
— And thinking, "Wow, she's so amazing". And then to now hear really all of the things that have been happening behind closed doors.
— Absolutely.
— When she shaved her head, people just called her crazy.
— Right.
— And didn't even take into consideration maybe what's going on personally for her.
— Yup.
— Instead of just judgment being cast.
— Absolutely.
— Right?
— And so anyway, all of that, that's going on right now. I think, especially as followers of Jesus, obviously the first line of defense, the first offense that we have is to pray for her.
— Come on. Because the best defense is a good offense. Let's go people.
— Yes.
— We can do only, we can do which is pray and give it to God.
— Yup.
— And we can trust that He, is watching out for her, because he cares for her and her situation. But personally, it's, it's hard for me to watch because it's so hard for me to, um, really, sorry I'm gonna, getting emotional.
— Right, good. But it's just because like, I know so many people are consistently suffering and we don't hear all of the suffering that happens.
— Right. We are just hearing about what's going on with her, but she's just one of how many.
— Right.
— And it breaks my heart. I know it breaks the heart of our Heavenly Father.
— Absolutely.
— And I kind of like, was like, "Yeah, we get to pray". But like for real, like that's what we get to do.
— Right.
— Because we can't control, each and every situation, but we can trust the one who is.
— Absolutely.
— I think the thing that's like super convicting for me is the fact that when things were first going weird, with Britney, when she was shaving her head and there's all this drama in the news. I was 100% one of those people that was just judging and condemning, like I had zero grace for her. Because I, I, I had this, you know, really unhealthy mentality, where it's like, "Oh, like you're a celebrity. How bad can it really be"?
— Yeah.
— And I think now we're realizing that in every walk of life, there are people who are suffering immensely.
— Yeah.
— And instead of me actually reflecting the heart of our Heavenly Father, I was just being a judgmental scumbag. And so it's things like this that remind me of, number one, my own hypocrisy. Number two, the fact that our world is broken, fallen, and hurting. And number three, that God is still good. He is still working to bring healing, to bring hope and to bring redemption. And so maybe you're finding yourself in a situation right now, where you're hurting. Where you're suffering, where you're looking for hope. What I hope you will believe. What I hope you will trust is that in the middle of all of that, God is still good. Even when you don't feel it. I believe that God is wanting to work in the people around you to bring you closer to Him. And that's why we do things like this.
— Yeah.
— Because we are so committed to the idea that through Jesus, freedom is possible. And maybe you're watching this and you're not yet a Christian. Man, just keep showing up, keep checking out what's happening here at switch. Because we wanna be a place where you can find the hope that you've been longing for. The last part of our show we've got some questions from you. That you have been leaving on our YouTube channel, which by the way, if you have questions, make sure you drop them down below. Because we love to answer your questions. And like today's questions, I'm especially excited for. Number one, 'cause they're awesome. Number two because one of the questions, directly involves our co-host, Jasmine Reynolds. But before we get to that, question number one. You ready for this?
— Yes. I have no idea what you're gonna ask.
— Okay, this one's so beautiful though because it's all about Facebook. And you already talked about it.
— Oh my Gosh.
— So question number one from Pronva.
— Sweet.
— "Can I share the gospel through Facebook"?
— Oh, oh my gosh. Yes. I do love this this question. I am so passionate about sharing the gospel through social media. Social media is a tool that we can leverage to talk about the goodness of our Heavenly Father.
— Come on.
— No matter if it's Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, whatever it is. We can use whatever social media platform to share the gospel, yes.
— Let's go.
— Yes.
— Don't ask people out, but share the gospel.
— Yeah, no.
— Come on! Next question is from a friend, Brooke.
— Sweet.
— Brooke is asking, "James, how did you propose"?
— Oh.
— And here's what's great.
— I know this story.
— Yes. Jasmine knows the story cause here's what's crazy. Y'all may not know this, but before Mandy and I got married, she was living in Tulsa and she has some roommates. One of those roommates happens to be in this room right now.
— It was me, it was me.
— So, here's the story. First of all, I had no idea what to do. So, I did what I think wise people do.
— Yeah.
— I asked for help.
— Ask. Which this is a whole sermon in itself, you know?
— Oh, okay.
— You know.
— Do we need this?
— You know, asking for help. And then even when we don't want to.
— Come on.
— Kind of make sure, I'm just, I'm just saying.
— Listen. Don't rely on yelp, ask for help. So I asked Jasmine.
— Yup.
— Who was roommates with my now-wife. And I said, "Hey, can you like start asking her some questions"? And she got some information for me, she's kinda like a spy.
— As in Intel. I was doing intel, that's what I was doing.
— Oh, come on. That's good.
— Yeah.
— And she got me some information that helped me understand what it was that would be meaningful for my now-wife. And so what we ended up doing is we recreated one of our favorite dates.
— Yeah.
— Where we had gone in the afternoon for a hike at a place in Tulsa called Turkey Mountain. After that we went and saw a movie together. Then we were planning on going to dinner because that was kind of like how he had kept off that original, really great date. But on the way to dinner, we stopped at this bridge at sunset.
— So beautiful.
— One of our friends from our life group was a photographer. She was waiting there to take a picture. And I had like written this sweet note in a journal that I gave to Mandy.
— Yeah.
— And like, gets like all these nice things and at the bottom it said like, "Turn the page". And she was supposed to turn the page and it was supposed to say, "Will you marry me"? And I was going to be waiting there, like on my knee with a ring in hand to ask her the question. But like she reads it and then just throws the journal to the ground, spins in a circle and then like collapses. And so I'm sitting here waiting for her to respond. It was so uncomfortable. Because I'm like, "Oh wow, I really made you mad". Thankfully.
— She was not mad.
— She eventually stands up and says yes.
— Mm-hm. And then we went to, actually my parent's house, where we had some of our friends and family ready to, you know, meet us there and celebrate with us. Now we were very specific about not proposing in front of a huge group of people.
— Yeah.
— Because you better believe, I don't want to get told no, in a big group of people. And also the pressure that, that would have put on her, to say yes,
— Yeah.
— I didn't want to put that on. Now there are some people who want that.
— Yeah, for sure.
— And that's great. Know what the other person wants, before...
— Very important.
— Right.
— Before you propose.
— Before you propose.
— Yeah.
— But the amount of times where I watch, like dudes propose to their girlfriend and it's in a hugely public space.
— Yeah.
— And then you can tell that the person wants to say no, but they don't.
— Yeah.
— They say yes.
— Yeah. And then a few months later they ended up breaking it off.
— Yeap.
— Listen, have conversations. Clarity is key. So that's how I propose.
— There's a theme. Clarity is key.
— Clarity is key. I'm so excited about this one.
— Oh, Lord.
— It gets me so excited because I'm so passionate about this. And especially the way they worded this question is just... All right so, Rohan asked the question, "Hey, you know, when people say God has talked to them, how does that work? Like, are they so holy, God actually talks to them"?
— That's good. I actually had a conversation recently about somebody who was saying that they didn't feel as holy as somebody else. And I asked them why. And they were just like, "Well, it's just because their encouragement is longer than mine. I, they use scripture and at the end of messages and stuff like that". And so I literally was like, "So what, what makes them more holy than you"? And they were just like, "Well, they just, I feel like they just know the Bible more". And I was like, "Yeah, but like, that's the beauty of like us having a unique relationship with the Lord".
— Come on.
— "Is just because God will speak to us in different ways". Like, I don't know if I've actually ever heard the audible voice of God before.
— Right.
— But I have had this, like prompting this feeling like even when I did move to Tulsa, it was this prompting and this feeling of like, "I feel like God's calling me to this and I think this door is opening". So I'm just gonna walk in obedience and hope that this is right.
— Absolutely.
— And if it does, and if it opens which it did. Then I knew that I was hearing from God.
— Come on.
— And so it's also, I think really important for us to know and start to identify where we feel the closest to the Lord.
— Mm, come on.
— For me, it's honestly out in nature.
— Yeah.
— I love being in nature and listening to worship because I feel like every distraction, even if it's taking a walk in my neighborhood, every distraction is a way I can just focus on the words that I'm listening to. I'm reminded of scripture that I've read, because that is also very important, to spend time with your church.
— Come on. Absolutely.
— And the more that you get to know our Heavenly Father, I think the clear it'll become to you,
— Absolutely.
— when he is speaking.
— That's so good. It is one of my pet peeves. Whenever preachers go on and on about their walkie-talkie relationship with God.
— Oh, yeah.
— Was like, "God told me X. And then I said, Y? And then he said, Z". And again, that may be the truth for them.
— Absolutely. But it's not for everybody.
— But that's not how God speaks to everybody. And I think that's such an important thing to recognize. And like what you mentioned,
— Yeah.
— I can't point to a time, where I heard the audible voice of God speak to me clearly.
— Yeah.
— For me, the way that God primarily speaks to me, is through scriptures, through his written word.
— Hhmm.
— After that, like the next most frequent way, is through community. The people that God's put in my life, where he will give them a word to share to me that is really impactful.
— Yeah.
— And it will often happen in times and situations where it's like, "Oh, I needed that".
— Mm-hm.
— I think God knew I needed it.
— Yeah.
— And then every once in a while what you described, I'll have this thought, this prompting that seems to come from outside of me,
— Mm-hm? that to the best of my knowledge, is from God.
— Uh what's also so important is to not compare.
— Come on.
— How often or if you don't feel like you hear from God, compare your walk to somebody else's.
— Come on dude.
— Because just as what we've been saying, we can't, just because people... If they have heard the audible voice of God, great,
— Yup. but like that's not everybody.
— Yup.
— Not everybody hears from God the exact same way.
— Absolutely.
— And so we can't compare our walk to somebody else's.
— Yep. And gospel accounts, Jesus, here's the audible voice of God two times. Once at his baptism and second at the transfiguration. And so Jesus, the son of God heard the audible voice twice.
— Yeah.
— And it was during a time where he's performing miracles, casting out demons. He's about to go to the cross. And that's the example that we're given. And so I think that there are absolutely times, where God will speak to us.
— Yeah. But it may not look like what we expect it to, or like we want it to.
— Mm-hmm.
— The real question is, are we willing to listen?
— It's good.
— That's wrap on this episode of Culture Makers. Thank you so much for joining with us, Jasmine. It was a gift. You brought wisdom. You brought... coolness.
— Oh, the fact that you had to wait and was like...
— Well, I was like.
— ...thinking of a word. Oh.
— No, here's what it was.
— "What else did she bring"?
— No, that's not it. I was gonna say, do I say, do I say swagger? That's not cool anymore. That's what I used to say back in the day, but coolness. That'll never go out of south.
— Sure.
— So Jasmine, thank you for joining with us. It was a gift. We're so glad that you were here. If you've got questions, comment them down below. Like comment, subscribe, see you next time, on Culture Makers.