James MacDonald - Getting Unstuck from Sexual Sin - Part 2
Summary:
The preacher emphasizes that to overcome fleshly temptations, especially sexual sin, Christians must make absolutely no provision for the flesh, drawing from Romans 13:14 and Jesus' radical words about cutting off offending body parts. He illustrates this with personal stories about chocolate and shares three drastic measures he’s followed for decades: no unfiltered internet access, no unblocked TV channels, and no unaccountable time. Ultimately, true victory comes from eliminating opportunities to fail, seeking God fervently, and embracing deep, biblical accountability that goes beyond honesty to enforce obedience and consequences.
No Provision for Your Flesh
So, last Sunday morning, we were on the Elgin campus, and this lady comes up to me for the second time. Her name is Rhonda. She’s sweet in more ways than one because she owns a chocolate store called Cocoa Cabana. She’s the worst person for me to meet, and she was so loving and so sweet. «Why don’t you and Kathy come and visit our chocolate store?» Well, she told me once, but I forgot. Then she told me again. I said to somebody, «Hey, make sure to remind me to go to the chocolate store on my day off tomorrow.»
Sure enough, Monday morning, I forgot. Here comes the email: «Go to the chocolate store.» What I really wanted to do and really needed not to do. But Kathy and I went out for a little morning date. We went out for breakfast and were just spending some time together, and I talked about wanting to go to the chocolate store. Well, it was worse than I thought. By that, I mean great; it was in West Dundee. We pulled into this little chocolate store, and here comes Rhonda, all sweet as can be. I mean, sweet.
The Temptation of Chocolate
First, we said, «You can’t give us anything; we’re just going to pay for it.» I thought that would make the pile smaller, but by the time we got to the end, we had all this chocolate. Okay, is anyone with me on this? Can’t say no to chocolate? Do not leave me up here. Is anyone with me on this? So, we brought it home, and I needed Kathy to hide it. As it turned out, I’ve needed her to hide it again and a third time because, in the morning, I wouldn’t give you a nickel for a piece of chocolate, but I’ll tell you that between maybe 4:00 in the afternoon and about 7:30 at night, I fear that I would take your life for a piece of chocolate. Anybody know what I’m talking about?
Look, there is no way to get victory over that if it’s right here at hand. There’s no way. And that’s what Romans 13:14 means when it says, «Don’t make provision for your flesh.» My goals of weight loss, now underway with some renewed progress, cannot coexist with a pantry full of temptation. They cannot. I cannot. This is what Jesus meant when he said if your right hand offends you, cut it off. If your eye offends you, pluck it out. Better to enter into heaven missing a hand—I’m paraphrasing—or an eye than to fall into hell with your body intact.
Prioritizing the Soul Over the Body
Listen, the body is not more important than the spirit; it is less so. It is temporal. It is now. Prioritizing my soul, my eternity, and not letting anything get in the way of that requires drastic action. Here are three drastic actions that I’ve lived by for 30 years, which have been wonderful provisions for a life-giving, healthy marriage.
Drastic Action One: No Unfiltered Internet Access
Number one: no unfiltered access to the Internet. Period. I have no unfiltered access to the Internet. We’ve tried a variety of blockers. I would call them blockers like K9, and there are numerous others that you can look up on the Internet and buy and install for yourself or someone else. Have someone else be the administrator. Have someone else have the password. But I don’t have any unfiltered access to the Internet. Better, I think, even than blockers are what I would call tattlers. Tattlers don’t block anything on the Internet; they just tell all your friends, whoever you put on the list.
Covenant Eyes is not a blocker; it’s a tattler. It just sends a message to everyone you designate to tell them everywhere you went on the Internet. The devious mind can find some ways around blockers, but there’s no way around tattlers because consequences are on the way immediately upon failure. I have found those things to be very, very helpful.
Drastic Action Two: No Unblocked TV Channels
Secondly, no unblocked channels on our television. We don’t have MTV, we don’t have Spike TV; I could list off a lot of them. You should be able to figure it out on a sunny day when you love Jesus and want to do what’s right. Go through your channel selection and ask yourself, «Which of these would never be helpful to me ever again?» Get your goals right: down with entertainment, up with obedience to the Lord and living a life that honors Him. No unblocked channels.
By the way, that’s really embarrassing. We have company over, and «Hey, let’s watch this kids' movie, ” and you have to order it here. I can’t order it; I have to go to my wife and get the password. Everyone’s like, „What’s wrong with you?“ What’s wrong with me is that I’m weak. Really? Really? You’re weak? Yeah, but I’m in good company. Because the Apostle Paul said that he was weak. In fact, he said when he was weak, he was strong.
The Strength in Admitting Weakness
Maybe the greatest strength of all is the admission of weakness and the determined effort to make no provision for the flesh. Even when it’s frustrating because I can’t surf the Internet the way I want to, even when it’s embarrassing because I can’t watch a good movie with my grandkids when I want to. No provision for the flesh. Hold up. How much provision for the flesh? Zero provision for the flesh. No unfiltered access to the Internet. No unblocked channels.
Drastic Action Three: No Unaccountable Time
This is going to really blow some people’s minds. Turn to your neighbor and say, „We’re going to get our minds blown here.“ Here it comes. Some of you are going to think this is too much. The third thing: no unaccountable time. None. I have no unaccountable time. I don’t have one minute a month where people don’t know exactly where I am. I’m hardly ever alone. I’m alone when Kathy’s upstairs and I’m downstairs, sort of, but I’m hardly ever alone. I’m occasionally alone driving in my car, but I’m leaving somewhere, and people are expecting me somewhere. I don’t have unaccountable time, and you shouldn’t have it either—not if you want to get unstuck from sexual sin; not if you’re serious about it.
People always laugh. Kathy and I actually have on our phones—which is my phone. We have this thing; it’s free. If you have a smartphone, it’s an app, and I have Covenant Eyes on my phone and all the rest of that. So I don’t go anywhere on the Internet that isn’t known to Garrett Higbee and Pastor Ricker who, you know, Dave Liszinski, my assistant. I think Kathy certainly is one of my accountability people. So, I mean, just don’t do that.
Location Sharing in Marriage
But I also have on here this thing called Find My Friends. Find My Friends means that my wife can at any time log on and find out where I am; I am wherever my phone is. This is a phenomenal thing. Now, people who want to live in defeat, people who want to protect their autonomy and their ability to do whatever they want, whenever they want, would hate that. Okay? But if you’re serious about victory, you’re going to make no provision for your flesh. I find this to be a phenomenal thing. I think it’s a great thing in marriages.
Why would I ever want to be anywhere that my wife wouldn’t know where I was? Now, I got to tell you, I don’t check where my wife is once a day. I don’t do it once a week; I sure don’t do it once a month. But sometimes I’ll text her and joke, „I can see where you are. You’re on Chamberg Road, ” or something. This is a non-issue. We didn’t install this even to solve a problem; we just did it because we think it’s healthy. I’m one with her. We have oneness. The unnatural thing is us being apart. The strange thing would be us not knowing where one another is. Embrace healthy patterns to get unstuck from sexual sin.
The Danger of Autonomy
It’s interesting, this whole matter of autonomy and how people hang on to it so tightly as though somehow that’s a sacred thing. I remember what it says in Genesis 4 when God was confronting the sin of Adam’s sons. In Genesis 4:7, it says, „If you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.“ Make a note of this: when personal autonomy is a greater priority than purity and victory, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you; its desire is to rule over you. We have an enemy, and his desire is to rule over us. It’s crouching at the door, waiting.
The Value of True Friendship
The sweetest things about friendships are not the years of joyful interaction but the critical times with the needed word in season. A word spoken in season, we’ve already learned in this series, is like apples of gold in settings of silver. I must seek God daily and fervently. I must eliminate the opportunity to fail. Make a note of this; I hope this will be a tune-up for all of our small groups and for all of our relationships. I must make myself truly accountable. Truly accountable. The key word there is truly. Everyone say truly.
Proverbs 27—please bear with me here. Let’s look at Proverbs 27 together. Some really great relational teaching there. First of all, „Faithful are the wounds of a friend.“ Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Profuse. Hey, Landon, come on up here for a second. I have Landon in the church, and he’s a great young preacher in our church. So, Proverbs 27—this is my son Landon, and I want you to imagine this in the context of friendship.
Faithful Wounds and Earnest Counsel
The people who are always like, „You know, I love you; I love you; you’re so great; your hair looks fantastic, ” are a dime a dozen. That is not a hard group of people to locate. When Proverbs 27:6 says, „The kisses of an enemy are deceitful, but faithful are the wounds of a friend, ” sometimes in our relationship, Landon, you know that this is true. Sometimes we’ve had to say hard things to each other that weren’t easy to hear. In the context of a loving relationship, what you’re really looking for in accountability is not somebody who can say how awesome you are. We all need to be encouraged. Amen? But encouragers are found frequently.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend—someone who loves you enough to tell you something you don’t want to hear, even if it hurts to hear it. I commend that kind of relationship—not a harsh, you’re going to hear this whether you want to or not—but a loving friend, a gentle pleading, an earnest exhortation is so needed. If you read through Proverbs 27, you get to verse 9, which says, „Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.“
The best thing about your friend is not their willingness to sit at Chili’s till 1:00 in the morning and hear your sob story. Thank God for people like that; we need that. But the best of those friends are the ones who won’t let the conversation end without giving a gentle, firm word of counsel. The sweetest things about friendships are not the years and years of joyful interaction, but the critical crucial times with the needed word in season. A word spoken in season, we’ve already learned in this series, is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
Iron Sharpens Iron
And that’s the context for the quoted Proverbs 27:17: „Iron sharpens iron, and so one man sharpens another.“ That’s not a verse for men; it’s a verse for mankind. It’s a verse for human beings and more specifically for Christians, men and women. We are to be those who sharpen one another. Now, in that context, if you’re going to get unstuck from sexual sin, you need more biblical friendship and less facilitating friendship. True that. If you’re going to get unstuck from sexual sin, you need more biblical friendship and less kisses and flattery.
Levels of Accountability
So, I’d like to talk for a moment about levels of accountability. We have, in all of our small group ministry, I hope you have this in your relationships, after a time of Bible study, a time of accountability. Thousands of adults from high school on up in our church have regular small group interaction. But as we’ve learned, the form does not produce the function, and going to small group and going to accountability time, men with men, women with women, doesn’t always produce what it’s designed to.
Check yourself on these levels of accountability in your relationships and in your small group. A level one, most frequently found, is accountability for honesty. That’s the guy who comes into the breakout time with the men and says, „Ah, I haven’t prayed with my wife; I haven’t spent any time with God, and I barely made it to small group. I’m not sure I want to be a Christian anymore.“ I was like, „Oh, that was awesome accountability time.“ He was so honest. That was not awesome accountability time.
It’s great that he was honest, but accountability is a lot more than honesty. Thank God for disclosure. Thank God for honesty. Thank God that guy’s not at home by himself doing something. I’m glad he came to small group. But leaders and pastors and Christ’s servants in this church need to take us to a deeper level than simply accountability for honesty. That’s elementary school accountability. Let’s graduate.
Deeper Levels: Total Honesty and Obedience
Level two is accountability for total honesty. „Hey, let’s start here. Why haven’t you had a quiet time? Why are you in this?“ Well, „I’m fearful of what’s happening at work, and I’m bitter toward my wife, and I have a problem with…“ Okay, so now we’re at the next level. We’re at reasons why—not just accountability for honesty, but accountability for total honesty. Let’s talk about what I’m really feeling, and battling and struggling with. That’s better, but here’s a better level still: accountability for obedience.
„Okay, we’re not going to wait till you feel like you want to have a quiet time. We’re not going to wait till you feel like you want to have victory over sexual sin. We’re going to hold you accountable. I’m going to come over. You’ve got Monday and Tuesday as your chances to meet with the Lord and seek the Lord yourself. Wednesday, I’m going to be at your house, and we’re going to do it together.“ That’s accountability for obedience, okay?
No more saying, „I always struggle with sexual temptation when I travel out of town.“ Well, thank you for the honesty. That’s a struggle. Thank you for the deeper honesty about when it happens. Now, we’re going to the third level: accountability for obedience. You’re not traveling alone anymore. If you go out of town again without somebody, you’re either not going, or I’m going with you. Okay, that’s accountability for obedience. That’s making no provision for the flesh.
The Highest Level: Consequences
If you’re serious about this, you must ask why the entire society and the church, in its wake, is sinking into an absolute cesspool of sexual sin and failure. It’s because this message isn’t preached, and it isn’t put into practice. So, we’re on it now. I must seek God daily and fervently. I must eliminate the opportunity to fail. I must make myself truly accountable. Accountable for honesty. No, wait for total honesty. No, wait for obedience.
Here’s the fourth level, and this is where life change happens: accountable for the consequences of disobedience. Accountable for the consequences. I learned this from a man named Sid Buzzell, who was my adviser when I was writing my doctoral thesis. I actually went out and stayed at his house in Philadelphia for a couple of days. I haven’t seen him for years, but back then he came and spoke to the men of our church. I’ll never forget the illustration he gave.
He said, „We had a guy in our small group who would come every week and say, ‘You got to pray for me. There’s a problem with my wife.’“ That’s level one. He took it to level two, saying, „You got to pray for me.“ God forbid this would go on in our church: „You got to pray for me. The problem I’m having with my wife is that we get into arguments that become violent, and I’ve been hitting her; I’ve been abusing her.“ That is great wickedness in all circumstances without an explanation needed. Amen.
So, he was honest; he was totally honest. Then he said, „If that ever happens again, I’m going to call you.“ He said, „Well, why don’t we just take that all the way to the next level?“ He says, „What do you mean?“ „Well, give me your phone.“ He takes his phone, calls his wife, saying, „We’re talking to your husband right now.“ He asks, „You’ve been doing this?“ Yeah. „All right. Well, here’s my phone number, and here’s my friend’s phone number, and here’s another guy in our small group’s phone number. Next time he does that, just call us, and we’ll come over to your house with a 2×4 and take him out in the backyard and let him know what it feels like.“
Now, I’m not commending that choice, but I hope I am, through hyperbole, making the point that active, aggressive, and intensive—Dr. Higbee would say intensive—intervention to support the right actions: that would be accountability. That’s accountability.