Greg Laurie - What Jesus Taught about Marriage and Divorce (03/28/2018)
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Pastor Greg Laurie teaches from Matthew 19 on God's design for marriage—one man and one woman leaving parents to cleave as one flesh permanently. Jesus rejects casual divorce, allowing it only for immorality or desertion, urging couples to prioritize communication, forgiveness, and mutual submission while seeing marriage as a picture of Christ's sacrificial love for the church.
Royal Weddings: Fairy Tales vs. Reality
All right, well, we are back in our series in the Gospel of Matthew. That is called "Follow Me: Following Jesus in the Modern World." And we are in Matthew chapter 19. And the title of my message is, "What Jesus Taught About Marriage and Divorce."
You know, two billion people watched Prince William marry Princess Kate this weekend. Did any of you watch that on TV? I watched a little of it. It was really amazing. What pageantry. You know, you look at the way it was choreographed and put together and the ceremony itself and all the rest of it. Quite amazing.
And I said to my wife, it looks like something out of a Disney movie. She says, well, where do you think the Disney movies got the idea? It is a sad thing when your point of reference is a Disney film. But it really seemed like a fairy tale in many ways.
I mean, here is Kate Middleton, a commoner, who was chosen by William to become a member of the royal family. I mean, it is sort of like a lot of little girls dream come true, isn't it? So many little girls want to be a Princess today.
The Cost and Hype of Modern Weddings
And one article written about this wedding said, and I quote, the prince kissed his bride in front of a third of the planet. Then he and his Princess hopped in an Aston Martin and drove off, happily ever after, the end.
Is that how it is going to end? I will tell you what, this was one expensive wedding. They spent $40 million on the wedding. And by the way, $32 million of that was spent on security alone. They also spent $10 million of that on strange hats that women wore. What is going on there? I don't get it.
I mean, some of these hats were something. A couple of the hats, I think it was the daughters of Sarah Ferguson. They looked like they walked out of a Tim Burton film. And I mean that as a complete compliment of course.
But it was really quite the event and very impressive. And we wished them well and hoped things go well for them.
Lessons from Past Royal Marriages
Of course we know there was another fairy tale wedding that took place. And it was the mother and father of Prince William. And that did not turn out so well. It ended up in adultery and divorce. And tragically, Princess Diana died in a car accident.
So this is not the way we hope it goes for these guys, you know. But actually people in England are already planning on the divorce. In fact, I read an article that said divorces among the royals have become so common that shortly after the engagement was announced, British bookies began taking bets about William and Kate's divorce and when it would take place.
I understand that having the deck stacked against you. You know because they say if there is divorce in your home, if your parents were divorced, the chances are much higher that you yourself will end up divorced as well.
And my mom was married and divorced seven times. And so the chances were that I could have ended up divorced. But thankfully, because we did it God's way, my wife and I have been married for thirty-seven years.
Kathy, my wife Kathy has never considered divorcing me. Murdering me? Yes. Divorcing me? No. You know.
Modern "Expert" Advice on Marriage
And so how do you have a successful marriage? Well when William and Kate were getting married a lot of the experts were chiming in. Actually the Buddhist head priest in London told them the secret to a happy marriage is to meditate daily. That is what they need to do he says.
One celebrity said the secret to a happy marriage is her husband does Pilates with her. Now that is a thought.
I read about a study that was done in the Boston Globe and they said, Now recent research has revealed that the secret to a happy marriage is, are you ready? Delusion.
They said new research says if you are a bit delusional about your partner when you get married you will be more satisfied with your marriage than those who see it as it really is. Oh really. Okay so let's put that all together. Meditate, do Pilates, and be delusional.
Then I read a statement from a well known celebrity who gave her secret to a happy marriage. She says keep it fresh and fun and have a really hot sex life. Okay. Problem is she just got divorced so that didn't work out so well for her.
So is it even possible to have a happy marriage? It reminds me of a Sunday school teacher that was talking to a class of four year olds and she said, Do any of you know what the Bible says about marriage? And one little boy raised his hand and she called on him.
Yeah. What does the Bible say about marriage? It says, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
And judging by the way a lot of marriages go we can understand why he would say that.
Oscar Wilde is quoted to say, The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. End quote.
J. Paul Getty, one of the richest men who ever lived said, I would give my entire fortune for one happy marriage. One happy marriage.
Is it even possible? Can a man and a woman fall in love and be married and actually live happily ever after? Or is that just a fairy tale?
Well maybe we need to adjust the verbiage a little bit. And instead of saying, They lived happily ever after, we can instead say, You can live happily even after.
But how do you do that? Well we need to get back to God's Word who tells us how we can have a successful marriage.
Why Culture Can't Answer Marriage Questions
Certainly we don't want to look to secular culture for our cues. I mean if you look to celebrities in Hollywood as an example of how to have a great relationship, you are going to be sorely disappointed. These people can't keep a marriage together for five years. Some of them break up in weeks after they get married. It is just constantly hooking up and breaking up and on it goes.
Now we need to look elsewhere. Culture certainly is not giving us the answers. We need to look to the Scripture.
Singleness: Finding Contentment First
So in this message I want to talk about singleness, marriage, and divorce. Quick poll. How many of you are single today? Raise up your hand. You are single. You are not married. Okay. Good. Put your hand back up again. Just look around a little. Just a little. They are like, No! You tricked us.
How many of you are married? Raise your hand up. Whoa! Okay. Lots of you. Very good. That one person is happy. Only one. Okay.
How many of you are happily married? Raise your hand. Happily married. Interesting. Not as many hands. No. There were. So we want to talk about how to have a happy marriage.
I don't think the answer is being delusional. I think the answer is being practical and spiritual.
It was Benjamin Franklin who said, quote, Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards.
The problem is that a lot of people go into marriage with their eyes half shut. They don't want to know the truth about the person or they don't want to take the time to even get to know the person. They are in a rush to get married. And that is a big mistake.
Marriage depends on two things. Finding the right person and being the right person.
It was James Dobson who said, quote, Don't marry the person you think you can live with. Marry only the individual you think you can't live without. End quote.
I know it can be hard to be single. Because when you are single you may think a lot about being married. And you might be surprised to know that sometimes married people wish they were single again.
Marriage is like flies on a screen door. The ones on the outside want in and the ones on the inside want out.
So here is what I would say to a single person today. Be content with where you are. Your contentment should come from your relationship with God.
Let's be realistic. No man or woman is going to meet the deepest needs of your life. I think even little girls sometimes are so enamored with their prince coming one day. They love to dress up like a Princess.
And you know I will play with my granddaughters and they will say, Papa, you be the prince. And so they have all these little girl figures and dresses. And have you ever noticed the princes in all the Disney films are pretty boring? You know we have one line, hi. And then the girls are all ready to be married and they have their own song. One day my prince will come. Right?
So I actually taught that song to Stella which was a little weird singing it to her. But she had heard a little of it so I found it on YouTube and I played it from Snow White.
But you know we actually all have that hope really. Our prince will come. It is not a guy coming to a girl. It is not even a girl coming to a guy. It is the Lord Jesus coming into all of our lives. So that is where we need to find our ultimate contentment in the Prince of Peace.
So that is where you start. So if you are still single, pay attention because you need to know what the Bible says about marriage because chances are you will be married at some point in your life.
Studies show that 9 out of 10 Americans are married at least at some point in their lives.
The Dangers of Cohabitation
But some would say, well why even get married? Why not just live together? And more and more couples are doing that today. Bypassing marriage altogether.
The number of unmarried couples living together soared twelvefold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005. I am sure the numbers are even higher now.
The rationale of living together is, well why go through a ceremony? It is just a ceremony. It doesn't really mean anything. We will just live together. It is kind of like taking a car out for a test drive. You know. We will see if we are compatible. We will see how it works out.
But this is wrong on so many levels. Let us just start with some interesting statistics. Did you know that living together actually will increase your chance of divorce? More than 8 out of 10 couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce. Eight out of 10.
So instead of having a good test run to see how compatible you are, you are effectively undermining your potential marriage by living together first. It bears very little resemblance to what a marriage would look like one day. In fact it actually undermines the marriage.
One person said, quote, statistically speaking living together is not a trial of marriage, but rather a training for divorce. End quote.
But the most compelling reason why you should not live together is because God says that is a sin. Hebrews 13:4 says marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral.
Jesus' Teaching on Marriage – Back to the Beginning
All right. So with this said let's consider the words of Jesus on the topic of marriage and divorce. Matthew 19 starting in verse 3.
The Pharisees also came to him, testing him, and saying to him, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?
And he answered and said to them, Have you not read that he that made them in the beginning made them male and female?
And he said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall be called one flesh, so that they are no longer two but one flesh.
Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.
Let's pause for a moment of prayer. Father, as we consider your words to husbands and wives and also to single people, help us really pay attention. I pray that you would bless every marriage represented here today with those who are listening and watching. I pray that you will bless every single person today and help them to wait patiently for that right man or woman that you will bring into their life. So speak to us through your word we ask now, in Jesus' name. Amen.
So the Pharisees, testing Jesus, not because they wanted a real answer from Him, but because they wanted to trap Him, say, Okay Jesus, let's talk about the topic of divorce.
But Jesus avoids their question, instead goes back to the original plan. So instead of talking about divorce, He talks about why God brought a man and a woman together in the first place. And He references Genesis chapter 2.
Adam in the Garden: Perfection and Loneliness
And that of course is the story of Adam there in the garden. Living a perfect life. Made in the image of God. He was in the ultimate bachelor pad. I mean he had it made in the shade. It almost sounds like a fairy tale when we read of the Garden of Eden like Atlantis or Camelot or Never Never Land.
But no. This was a real place. And this was a real man that God had created. And His job description, if you will, was to discover all that the Lord had made. And every day as the sun was setting the Lord would show up. And He would take a walk with His son Adam in the cool of the day.
You couldn't ask for a more perfect situation. God asked Adam to name all of the animals. And at first it wasn't that hard. Dog, cat, bird, fish. But then when He found out He had to name individual animals that became more complex. Okay. Fish with multiple names. Trout, salmon, mahi mahi. Or maybe Huma Huma Nuka Nuka Apua'a that is here on the screen. This is an actual fish name. It is a fish in Hawaii. Let's say it together. Huma Huma Nuka Nuka Apua'a. Thank you very much. I am very fluent in Hawaiian. You know that, brah.
But as wonderful as all of this was, something was missing in Adam's life. Or more specifically, someone was missing. But that someone did not exist yet.
Eve Created: God's Perfect Helper
God created Eve out of the rib of Adam. The Lord said it is not good for man to be alone. So from his side He brought Eve.
God said in Genesis 2:18, I will make a helper comparable to him. A more literal translation from the Hebrew would be someone who assists another to reach fulfillment. It is used elsewhere in the Old Testament. And it refers to someone coming to rescue another.
Eve was sent to rescue Adam. She would provide what was missing in his life.
Marriage. It halves our sorrows. It doubles our joys. And it quadruples our expenses.
So what is the plan that God has for a man and a woman? Well there in Genesis 2:24 we read, Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Leave and Cleave: The Foundation of Marriage
Eve made from the rib of Adam. Now one thing he may not know is Eve was suspicious of Adam. And she accused him one day of being with other women. He said, Eve are you out of your mind? There are no other women on earth. There is just you.
So that night he fell asleep and he was awakened to find Eve poking at his chest. He said, what are you doing? She said, just counting your ribs.
That is not a true story by the way. That is kind of a lame joke.
Well speaking of Adam and Eve. Someone has suggested they had an ideal marriage. She didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married. And she never had to hear about how well his mother cooked. You see.
Because the first service laughed at that. I don't know what your problem is. Okay. So here is the objective that God has in bringing a man and a woman together. Two very important words. Leave and cleave.
For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
The word cleave means to glue or to cling. Leave and cleave. Sever and bond. Loosen and secure. Depart from. And attach to.
So a successful marriage begins with a leaving. In effect you leave all other relationships.
Now the closest relationship outside of marriage is specified here. Implying that if it is necessary to leave your father and mother, then certainly all lesser ties must be broken, changed, or left behind.
Now that doesn't mean that when you get married you are no longer a son or a daughter to your parents. Or you are no longer a sibling. But what it means is a new responsibility has started. And your primary responsibility as a married person is to your spouse.
Yes you must still honor your mother and father. But a leaving has taken place. Otherwise this can be extremely detrimental to the marriage.
You know when the wife says, I am going home to mommy. You know. Wait a second. You have made a commitment. Now you need to stand by it.
Practical Dangers of Not Leaving Properly
I heard about a guy who wasn't married yet. He was trying to find the perfect girl. And it was really hard to get his parents to agree to it. So he brought a young lady home and his mother didn't like her. He proceeded to bring home a second girl. Mother didn't like her either.
So he goes and finds a girl that looks like his mom. That talks like his mom. That walks like his mom. And brings her home. Then his father didn't like her. So that was a little bit of a problem there.
So leaving and cleaving are the two operative words. Leaving implies giving other relationships a lesser degree of importance.
Friends. You can have friends still, obviously. But what about best friends? Well, listen. Your best friend should be your spouse. News flash. You can have other friends.
And just on a practical note, having friends who are members of the opposite sex can be problematic at best, and potentially destructive at worst. I mean, let's get real, you know, for the guy to say, well, I'd like to hang out with this other girl, even though he is married. She is just a pal. There is nothing more to it.
Now come on. Understand. The most adulterous situations happen through close contact and relationship, not mere sexual attraction. That usually comes later. So be very careful.
And your best friend should be your husband and or your wife. That is what the Scripture teaches.
Cleaving: Glued Together by Choice
Going back to the beginning, not good was the aloneness of man. So God brought that person to you.
Here is a key verse that emphasizes the importance of intimacy and friendship between spouses. Malachi 2:14-15. The Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, although she is your companion and wife.
That word companion means one you are united with in thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts. Are you united with your wife in that way, husbands?
Listen. If you are not, it is going to hurt you in many ways, starting with your prayer life. Because we are told over in 1 Peter 3, Husbands, dwell with your wife with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as under the weaker vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Your prayers can be hindered if you are not having this intimacy in your marriage with your spouse.
You might say, well, I dwell with my wife. We live in the same house. We say hello at breakfast. And isn't that enough? No, actually it isn't. Because the word that is used there for dwell could be translated, be aligned to, and give maintenance to.
Does it come as a shock to you that you need to give maintenance to your marriage to keep it strong? You maintain your car, right? What happens if you don't maintain your car, if you don't put oil in it, or coolant in it? Well, the car could potentially break down.
And what if you don't maintain your garden, if you don't water it, if you don't weed it? Well, your garden could be overrun by weeds.
What happens to your marriage if you neglect it? Your marriage could have problems. You need to give maintenance to your marriage. Do checkups on your marriage.
Ask your spouse, how am I doing? How do you think our marriage is doing? Am I being the husband you want me to be? Am I being the wife you want me to be?
Give attention to your marriage. If you neglect it, problems will begin to develop.
So this is what Scripture is telling us. That marriage needs to be that bond between the husband and the wife. There is that leaving. And then there is the cleaving.
Now we hear the word cleave and we might think of a meat cleaver, cutting meat. Well, that doesn't mean that obviously. The word cleave is from a Hebrew word that speaks of adhering to. Or sticking together. To be attached by some strong tie.
And the verb suggests a determined action. So it is not that you are stuck together. But you are sticking together. So look, if you were climbing a mountain, you are holding on. It is a determined action.
And that is what you are doing with your spouse. You are holding on to each other. No. Holding on to. Happily holding on to. There is nothing passive about it.
When you come to the New Testament and the use of the word, they use a word that means to cement together and stick like glue. To be welded together so the two cannot be separated without serious damage to both.
And that is true. When a marriage is broken apart there is damage. But God has joined together. Let no man put asunder, we hear it said.
Communication and Conflict Resolution
When I was a kid I used to build models. And I was really bad at it. Because I would get glue everywhere. And so as I got older and I was an adult I thought, I am going to go build a model. I will be much better now because I am so much more intelligent.
And I was as bad as I always was. You know, glue everywhere. But then I discovered super glue. Which is, you know, simple. You just, you know, a couple drops here and there. And it holds it together.
But they warn you, don't get it on your fingers. And I did. And I glued my thumb and my finger together like this. So for a week I walked around. Greg, how are you doing? Okay. Okay.
I should have read the directions on super glue. But the idea here is to be glued together. But again, it speaks of something you are willingly doing.
And this involves constant communication before marriage and after marriage. A poll was taken among people who were divorced. And they asked, what was the number one reason? Eighty-six percent said deficient communication. There was a communication breakdown.
You need to learn how to share your heart. You need to learn how to resolve your conflicts. And there will be conflicts.
I have had couples come in for premarital counseling. And they will say, oh we are so in love. We want to get married. How long have you known each other? Oh for two months. Okay. When do you want to get married? In a week? No.
You know that is probably too soon. You need to get to know each other better. Let me ask you a question. Have you had a disagreement yet? Oh no. We are so in love. We never argue.
Get out of my office. Enter the real world. And go have an argument. And learn how to resolve it. Because if you can't learn how to get through those you are going to be in for some rocky times I've got to tell you.
Every marriage is going to have its conflicts. There is going to be the disagreements and so forth.
Forgiveness and Mutual Submission
Ruth Graham once said, a successful marriage is made up of two good forgivers. You need to learn how to forgive.
When is the last time you told your wife you love her? When is the last time you told your husband you love him? Sometimes even a hug will do it.
I heard about a husband and wife that were having some marital difficulties. So they went to see their pastor. And after a couple of times he said, I think I have figured out what your problem is.
And he got up from behind his desk and walked out in front of it and asked the wife of the man to stand up. And he gave her a good hug. And he turned to the husband and he said, Now that is what your wife needs each and every day.
So the husband frowned for a moment and then said, Well, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?
Yeah, he couldn't have missed the point there.
You see, this cleaving together means putting the needs of your mate above your own.
Sometimes people get bent out of shape because the Bible says, Wives, submit unto your husbands as unto the Lord. I don't like that. That is chauvinistic.
They will say, I am not submitting to anyone. Really? I heard that Princess Kate said that she wanted the word, Obey, struck from the vow. She didn't want to say that.
Okay, but here is the problem. That very attitude says to me, you are going to have problems in your marriage.
Let me tell you why. And I am not picking on women here. Let me give you the big picture.
Before a word is said in the Bible about wives submitting to their husbands, or husbands loving their wife as Christ loves the church, which is no small feat, I might add. It says you should submit yourself one to another in the reverence of God.
So let's not get all bent out of shape about wives submitting to husbands. Let's remember the Bible says husbands should submit to wives.
But what does that even mean? Well let's understand the meaning of the actual word. It is a military word that means to rank beneath and to rank under.
It doesn't mean that you are abdicating your responsibility of leadership in the home. It means that you are helping her bear her burdens. You are getting underneath her. And you are helping her.
And guess what? She is doing the same for you.
How can I help you? If you would go into the marriage saying, how can I fulfill her and meet her needs? And she went into the marriage saying, how can I fulfill him and meet his needs? It would make all the difference in the world.
But instead we go and say, I won't do this and you don't want me to do this. Oh, watch out man. That is not the way it works.
We are to submit one to another in the fear of God.
Jesus Addresses Divorce Directly
Let's talk about divorce for a moment because that is the title of the message which Jesus taught about marriage and divorce.
Let me say at the outset, God doesn't like divorce. Let me take it a step further. God hates divorce. That is the actual verbiage that He uses in Malachi 2:16. The Lord says, For I hate divorce, says the Lord. It is as cruel as putting on a victim's bloodstained coat, says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself and always be loyal to your wife.
You know we say divorce is no big deal. And it is so commonplace now. And everyone is doing it. And it is not a bad thing. Well wait a second. I think divorce is one of the most destructive things in our culture today.
Even our secular experts tell us this. Dr. Armin Nicol, a respected professor at the Harvard Medical School, said, The breakdown of the family contributes significantly to the major problems confronting our society today. Research data makes it unmistakably clear that there is a strong relationship between broken families and the drug epidemic, and the increase of violent crime, and the unprecedented epidemic of suicide among children and adolescents.
They also say that a broken home, a home of divorce contributes to teenage pregnancy.
Consider this statistic. Seventy percent of children in state institutions today came from broken homes. It says it all.
Yet in spite of this the divorce stats continued to rise. Last century it Rose seven hundred percent.
You can get drive-through weddings in Las Vegas. And now I read recently you can even get a drive-through divorce. How about that? So you can drive-through order a hamburger, fries. I'll have a divorce with that please.
That is the kind of culture we are living in today.
Pharisees' Trap Question on Divorce
Well Jesus did address the topic of divorce here in Matthew 19. Drop down to verse 7.
They said to him, Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and put her away?
He said, Moses, because of the hardness of your heart, permitted you to divorce your wife. But from the beginning it was not so.
I say to you, Whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. And whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.
So having established that divorce is a bad idea, when is it permissible?
Okay, when people get divorced today, what is the number one reason that is cited? That is right. Irreconcilable differences. I am so sick of hearing that.
I have had irreconcilable differences with my wife for 37 years. They are irreconcilable. She is neat and I am messy. She is sometimes late. I like to be early. She is cute. I am fat. It is irreconcilable. What are we going to do? We are going to work through it.
But there was a lax attitude back in these days that was taught by the Pharisees. Where really a divorce could be given for any reason. Now it definitely favored the man not the woman. The woman could not divorce her husband, but the husband could divorce his wife for just about anything.
One very liberal rabbi of the day known as Hillel taught that incompatibility of temperament was grounds for divorce. It sounds a little bit like irreconcilable differences.
And that day a man could divorce his wife for such trivial things as burning his meal or embarrassing him in front of his friends. Even if a more attractive woman came along, he could divorce his wife to go after that woman.
Jesus' Clear Exceptions for Divorce
So back to the words of Jesus. He allowed divorce for the sake of the woman that was in a relationship like this.
Notice that they said command it. Why did Moses command divorce? Jesus said, Ah, excuse me. He didn't command it. He permitted it. And he permitted it because of the callousness of your hearts. Because of the way you have treated women.
So here now is the reason for divorce or the allowance for divorce I should say. Two that I see in Scripture. And neither one of them is irreconcilable differences.
Number one. Verse nine. I tell you anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery.
So an allowance is given for sexual immorality. Now what does that mean? Well it comes from the Greek word porneia. Guess what English word we get from that? Pornography. Pornographic.
And it is not an easy word to define because it has a lot of shades of meaning. It speaks of extramarital sexual relations obviously. Adultery. But it also includes incest, prostitution, homosexuality.
Why is immorality a deal breaker in marriage potentially? Because it violates the oneness between a man and a wife. Paul even said if you have sexual relations with a prostitute you become one flesh with her.
What does that mean? It means a bond is broken and another one is established. So, so much for the idea of a one night stand or it didn't mean anything. No, it actually means a lot to God.
And this is a big deal to God. But we live in a culture that not only gives allowances for it but in many ways encourages it.
There are websites set up that will help people that want to be unfaithful to their spouse to get away with it. How to cover your tracks and so forth. And so this is the kind of time we are living in right now.
So if adultery has been committed there is an allowance for divorce. However, that doesn't mean there should necessarily be a divorce.
I have counseled couples where there has been unfaithfulness. And often it is the husband being unfaithful to the wife. But more often these days we are hearing now about wives being unfaithful to their husbands as well.
And we will always encourage forgiveness. You see, adultery is not only grounds for divorce, it is also grounds for forgiveness.
And I have seen marriages survive it. I have even seen marriages flourish in the aftermath. Please don't think that means, Oh, you know, it was a good thing. No, it is never a good thing.
Trust is broken and it takes years to get it back. And it is very damaging. But you can survive it.
Now in no way am I rationalizing anything. But sometimes you have to consider the circumstances. If it was a one time event and it came out and there has been repentance and a desire to keep the marriage together, it is a little bit different than a man and or a woman who is a serial adulterer. Who has been unfaithful to their spouse for ten years consecutively. Or has had multiple things going on. And then it becomes more problematic, doesn't it?
But Jesus certainly gave this allowance. Immorality. Unfaithfulness.
Second Biblical Ground: Desertion
Number two, the second allowance I find in Scripture for divorce. is if there has been desertion. If your spouse basically leaves you.
First Corinthians 7:15 Paul says, If the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.
So if this happens, you are free to remarry again.
Most Divorces Can Be Avoided
Having said this, let me also add this. I believe that most divorces can be avoided. Most situations that I have dealt with, and usually if they come to me for counseling, it is big trouble. Because they will say, Well if we could just talk to Greg. Okay, so I will meet with them. And they still get divorced.
I haven't been very successful at my attempts to try to save these marriages that have gotten so messed up. But in almost every situation I can think back on, I think that marriage could have been saved. If they would have just gotten back and done what God told them to do, but they just got to a point where they were unwilling to try anymore.
We need to be realistic about marriage. No, we don't need to be delusional. as the experts tell us. We need to be practical.
C.S. Lewis on the Reality of Marriage
C.S. Lewis made this statement, and I quote, People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person, you may expect to go on being in love forever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change.
Not realizing that when they have changed the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one.
Lewis concludes, In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. But if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter, a more lasting kind of interest.
And so basically Lewis is saying, Yeah, every marriage is going to hit that wall. There is that excitement. There is the passion. And then there is the time where you just stand together and honor your vows and get through the rough patches. And then the marriage gets deeper and stronger. And you go through another rough patch and it gets deeper and even stronger.
But some people bail at the first time of conflict. Well I don't feel the love anymore. And they marry someone else. And guess what happens then? They feel the same way after a few months or a year or two. And that relationship. And they remarry again. And on this cycle goes.
The Impact of Divorce on Children
And the tragic victims of all of this are the children that are born. And I speak from experience. It is devastating. And experts have found that children go through their lives with a hole in their hearts, they have said, when parents have divorced.
Don't think the children are resilient. Understand it is hard.
So here is what I am saying. If you are divorced I am not here to condemn you today. Because God will forgive you. If you will say, Lord, forgive me for that. If you have committed adultery God will forgive you.
But here is what I am saying to you. This is sort of like an ounce of prevention today hopefully. Don't think about getting a divorce. If you are having conflicts in your marriage get biblical marriage counseling. Get back and do what God has told you to do.
I have only touched it here. I have barely scraped the surface of what can be said about it. But you get a sense of the commitment that you need to have. See that marriage through. And ask the Lord to give you the strength to do it.
And don't consider adultery. How many of you have been thinking about committing adultery? I did not think you would raise your hand. Okay.
How many of you have been ever tempted to commit adultery? Raise your hand up. Get your hands up. You are lying. You have never been tempted to commit it? Of course you have.
The devil is going to throw everything he has at every person out there. Don't be embarrassed to say you have been tempted. There is a big difference between being tempted and doing it. It is because the devil dangles it in front of you. It does not mean you have done something wrong. The fact that you resisted it is a glorious thing.
But you are going to be tempted. You are going to be tempted to violate your vows. You are going to be tempted to do the wrong thing. Don't entertain those thoughts. Instead work on keeping your marriage strong. And leaving and cleaving. And make your spouse your best friend.
The only way you can do this is with the power of God working in your life.
Marriage as a Picture of Christ and the Church
You know it is interesting to know that God uses marriage as a picture of His love for us. Paul says, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. That is the picture.
And Christ did love the church. Listen. One day there is going to be a true royal wedding. It won't happen in England. It won't happen among humans on earth. It will happen when we as the bride of Christ are united with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
We were commoners. We were commoners. We did not have royal blood coursing in our veins. And Jesus, the Prince of Peace, chose us to be His bride.
And one day we will see Him.
Final Invitation: Come to Jesus
And I ask you in closing, have you put your faith in Jesus Christ? You have been talking about marriage and divorce. And you are talking to Him. Yeah, that is right. I am talking to you.
Do you have a relationship with God? Because the only way that you can love your wife as God wants you to is with God's power in you. The only way you can submit unto your husband as the Lord wants you to is with God's strength in you.
The only way you can live as a single person is with the help of the Holy Spirit. We all need Jesus Christ.
And Jesus proved His love for us by going to a cross and dying there in our place and taking the sin of the world upon Himself. And then He Rose again from the dead. And now He stands at the door of our lives and He knocks and He says if we will hear His voice and open the door He will come in.
Have you ever asked Jesus Christ to come into your life? If you haven't would you like to right now?
I am going to give you an opportunity to ask for His forgiveness today. And have Him come and take residence in your heart so you can know that when you die you will go to heaven and be ready for His return.
Let's pray now. Father, thank You for Your Word to each of us. And I pray for all of those that are listening and watching. I pray if they do not know You now that they will come to You in this very moment and put their faith in Jesus.
Now while our heads are bowed and our eyes are closed and we are praying, how many of you would say today, Greg pray for me. I want Jesus Christ to come into my life. I want Him to forgive me of my sin. I want to know that when I die I will go to heaven. Pray for me today. I am ready to say yes to Jesus.
If that is your desire, if you want Christ to come into your life and forgive you of your sin, I want you to stand to your feet. And I am going to lead you in a prayer right now. Again, if you want Christ to come into your life, just stand up wherever you are. Stand up. God bless you. Stand up. God bless you.
Wherever you are watching, you watch it on the video screen. There in Orange County, you just stand to your feet at Orange Bridgecrest. Stand up. Outside in the courtyard here at Harvest. Stand up. Up in the court building. You just stand to your feet and I am going to lead you in a prayer where you are asking Christ to come into your life.
Maybe you have fallen away from Him. And you need to come back to Him. Maybe you have committed adultery. Maybe you have sinned in some other way and you need His forgiveness today. Stand up and let me lead you in this prayer of commitment or recommitment to Christ.
Anybody else? Stand now. God bless you. Anybody else? Wherever you are, wherever you are seeing me say this, stand to your feet. And I am going to lead you in this prayer. One final moment. Anybody else? Stand now.
All of you that are standing, I am going to lead you in this prayer. So pray this prayer out loud after me. Again as I pray, pray this after me. Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner. But You died on the cross for my sin. And I turn from it now. I put my faith in You, Lord. And I choose to follow You from this day forward. Be my God. Be my friend. Thank You for forgiving me and accepting me now. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Amen.