Greg Laurie - Hope for Lonely Hearts (12/21/2017)
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Pastor Greg Laurie delivers Hope for Lonely Hearts from 1 Corinthians 13 and Genesis 39, contrasting true agape love with lust and loneliness. He encourages singles and married alike to find ultimate fulfillment in Christ first, wait patiently for godly relationships, flee sexual temptation like Joseph, and embrace God's forgiveness for past failures, emphasizing that real love is patient, kind, and enduring.
Everyone Is Searching for Real Love
Well, let's turn in our Bibles to two passages together. We're going to look at 1 Corinthians 13 and Genesis chapter 39. And the title of my message is, Hope for Lonely Hearts. 1 Corinthians 13 and Genesis 39. Let's pray together.
Now, Father, as we open Your word, I pray that it will speak clearly and loudly to everyone. For those who are single, that they will get a better understanding of Your plan and purpose for them. For those who are married, that they would gain a greater understanding of what You have called us to do. Lord, most importantly, we just pray that we will all be looking to You for our strength. So we commit this time of Bible study to You now, in Jesus' name. Amen.
You know, I think everyone is looking for love in life. An extensive survey was recently done by a leading polling agency. And questionnaires were distributed to people of various ages and occupations. And the key question was this: What are you looking for most in life? And the results were compiled. The analysts were surprised. Because most of them thought that they would receive answers that would suggest materialistic goals. But at the top of the list was love.
What are you looking for most in life? People said, love. And we want to love, and we want to be loved. I know it sounds like a cliché, but that's exactly what people want. Which then raises the question, what is love? I think for a lot of people it's lust. That's all it is. So do we really have a good understanding of it?
Well, if you are looking to our culture for cues, you are going to be sorely disappointed. I mean, if you are looking to Hollywood people to show you how to have a lasting and meaningful relationship, that's not going to work at all. I hope you are not getting your cues on what love is from popular songs. Otherwise I think you will be very confused.
I actually went and Googled all the songs with the word love in them. And I looked at them for a while and then I started arranging them around. And here is what I learned about love from popular music. First of all there is the classic song, what the world needs now is love, sweet love. So that's establishing that everyone is looking for it.
Then Foreigner sang, I want to know what love is. And we must not forget, yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy. But what is love? Well according to the songs, one song says it's a many splendored thing. Another says love is the answer. And Led Zeppelin sang about a whole lot of love. Meat Loaf sang he would do anything for love. But Phil Collins warned us, you can't hurry love. But why we wonder. Well another gives the answer when they say that's the way love goes.
So let's put this all together and review. What have we learned so far? We need love in our tummy. Because love is the answer. And love is many splendored. We need a whole lot of it. But you can't hurry it because that's the way it goes. But then when someone had to go and rain on our parade and come up with a song title that said, I love you, but I lied. That's an actual song title. Causing the Black Eyed Peas to wonder in their song, where is the love?
The Beatles famously sang, all you need is love. Then they broke up and sued each other. Another song warns us, too much love will kill you. Maybe that's why Dionne Warwick sang, I'll never love this way again. And Tina Turner sang, what's love got to do with it? Maybe the J. Geils Band had it right when they simply sang, love stinks.
So what we need is real love. Not the pseudo love of culture today.
Loneliness Touches Singles and Married Alike
So in this message I want to talk about love and lust and loneliness and being single. If you are a lonely person, I want to offer hope to you because maybe you are wondering if you are ever going to find that person in life that you would marry and spend the rest of your life with.
But guess what? Single people aren't the only ones who are lonely out there. Did you know that there are lonely married people too? Because maybe they are in a sort of a loveless marriage. Maybe they have a disengaged mate. Or maybe they have found themselves in a marriage where one is a believer and the other is not. So effectively they are going two directions in life. And so there is loneliness that can happen in a single situation as well as in a marriage relationship.
But I think we make a big mistake when we think that marriage is going to solve all of our problems. Or to think that a man or a woman is going to somehow rescue us from all of our problems.
You know little girls I have discovered. Now I have four granddaughters now. I raised two sons. And now with four granddaughters I have entered into a whole new world of pink. And glitter. And princesses. And mermaids. And all these things. And I have discovered that little girls really do generally like the color pink. And they like to dress up like little princesses. And when I am around them you can tell because I have leftover glitter for days. Have you noticed that glitter kind of sticks on you for a really long time? And people will say, why is there glitter on your face? Let me explain.
But it is funny how the little girls will talk about wanting to be a Princess. And they will dress up like a Princess. And so when I play with them I always get the part of the prince of course. So there are all the little Princess parts. And I have to have the prince say something. And little songs. Okay, I shouldn't tell you. Too much information.
But there is this longing in the heart of a little girl. That someday her prince will come. And she gets older. And instead of the frog turning into a prince, the prince turns into a frog. She used to sing, someday my prince will come. And now she is singing, someday maybe another prince will come. Because that other one didn't work out so well.
And then we enter into our adult years and sometimes people never really get over this. They are still thinking a man or a woman is going to fill the hole in their life.
A Hollywood actress said, quote, I believe a lot of us feel there is a big hole in our hearts, an unfortunate ache that is fixed by some people eating too much, others with drugs. In my case I am a romance junkie. And I think what they are looking for is this sort of euphoric excitement that they find when they initially hook up with someone. And they are flush with all the feelings of attraction. But then, you know, after a long period of time passes, like two weeks, they break up. And they move on again.
True Contentment Comes from Christ Alone
So let us just start with a simple truth. You need to be content where you are, irregardless of your marital status. If you are single you need to be content as a single. And if you are married you need to be content as a married person. And understand this. No person is going to fix those needs deep in you. It is all about God. That is who we need first and foremost.
So let us get first things first. That was the problem with the woman at the well. Must have been a pretty good looking girl. She had a lot of husbands, didn't she? Five. Was living with a guy at present when she met Jesus. And Jesus used the well that they were sitting by as a metaphor for life. He said, if you drink of this well you will thirst again. Effectively saying, lady let me tell you something. Guys aren't going to meet the deepest need of your life. That is why you keep hooking up with new guys one after the other.
But if you drink of the water that I give you will never thirst again.
The apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:11, I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. Hebrews 13:5 says, Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
So it is the Lord we need first and foremost. Find your contentment in your relationship with God.
Now as you are doing that here is a verse that you might want to keep in mind. Psalm 37:4. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. That doesn't say delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you a husband or a wife. He will give you the desires of your heart.
So first find your fulfillment in Christ himself. And then you want to wait on the Lord. Don't be obsessed with finding a person. Focus your energy on seeking God and I believe in His timing. He will bring that right person to you.
And so we want to be seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to us.
Better to be happily single than unhappily married. Comedian Chris Rock said, Do you want to be single and lonely or married and bored? Are those the only choices Chris? I beg to differ. If marriage is miserable the fault lies with the participants not the institution.
There is a common assumption often held by singles that married people are generally unhappy. The reason is as follows. Well 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Right? And then the 50 percent who stay married are miserable. So why get married?
Some have even said you know the whole institution of marriage is outdated. In fact in a poll 40 percent of singles said they thought the institution of marriage was obsolete. So many will say why don't we just live together? Instead it is a far better idea. Why bother getting married? Well it is just a piece of paper. What does it really mean?
Now that sounds logical perhaps to some. But actually it is not correct factually.
Why Cohabitation Harms More Than Helps
For starters living together will hurt not help your chance of having a happy marriage. This is borne out by statistics. The Census Bureau informs us that there are one million unmarried couples now living together. That is a 600 percent increase in this last decade. Less people are getting married these days. And if current trends continue a minority of adults will be married in the next few years.
But here is why living together is wrong. Number one, as I already cited, you will actually hurt your chances of ever having a good marriage. Studies show that couples who live together before marriage have a 50 percent greater chance of divorce than those that don't. And by the way that is based on 50 years of data.
20 percent of cohabiting women are unfaithful to their mates as opposed to 4 percent of those who are married. You know think about it. I mean what is good for the goose is good for the gander, right? What does that even mean? I mean really. One of those expressions where you throw on the goose and the gander, what?
But I think the idea of it is, hey I mean if I am in a relationship with a girl and we are living together and we are not married, and I see a more attractive girl, what do I need to be worried about this commitment? I mean we are not married, right? And so I will go, you know see once you start blurring the lines and you blur all the lines. And so it becomes very problematic on a number of levels.
But here is the greater reason to not live together quite simply. It is a sin. It violates God's law. It violates His order as revealed in Scripture. He will not bless it. That means that every day you live this way you are effectively separated from God in fellowship. And it is going to drive a wedge between you and your mates.
So living together is not the answer.
Well what about all these unhappy marriages? Well listen, I know some people who are not happy in their marriage. But the fact of the matter is, is most people who are married are actually quite happy.
Timothy Keller in his book The Meaning of Marriage pointed out, and I quote, all surveys tell us that the number of people who say they are very happy in their marriage is high, about 61 to 62 percent. Keller says studies have found that two-thirds of those unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if the people stay married and do not get divorced.
During the last two decades a great preponderance of research evidence shows that people who are married consistently show much higher degrees of satisfaction with their lives than those who are single, divorced, or living with a partner. End quote.
Now some of you singles are saying, well now you are just totally bumming me out. I thought you were going to talk to us tonight. And now you are just telling us marriage is better. Na na na na na. Not at all. I am just trying to explain to you that there is mythology that people often buy into.
So let us understand that. The fact of the matter is there are advantages to being married, clearly. And there are advantages to being single. Far too often single people wish they were married and sometimes married people wish they were single again.
You know single people will say, I am lonely. I want someone to share my life with. I am tired of going to a restaurant and saying, table for one. Or even worse, bitter party of one.
But then some who are married might say, oh man I miss the good old days when I was single. You know I could leave my clothes laying all over the house and do whatever I wanted and come and go as I please and spend my money the way I want to spend it without being nagged. Now I am married and I have all these responsibilities.
You know the grass is always greener on the other side. So there are really advantages and disadvantages to both.
Paul's Wisdom on Singleness and Marriage Advantages
Paul lays it out pretty clearly in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. He says, when you are unmarried you are free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Lord. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend in caring for and nurturing each other the unmarried can spend in becoming holy instruments of God.
So I am trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you and not make things harder. So Paul is not critical of a married person wanting to please their spouse because the fact of the matter is you should be that way. But when you are single you don't have that responsibility. You have flexibility. You have mobility. You can do things many married people cannot. And this is especially helpful when it comes to serving the Lord.
And so if you are single now then you can utilize the opportunities before you. But know this. It is very likely you are going to be married one day. So if that is something you really hope for and desire don't despair.
You know I know there are some people that don't feel like they ever want to get married. And there are some people that will remain single their life and happily so. And that is absolutely fine. I mean I might cite that Paul the Apostle was not married to our knowledge. And how about Jesus Christ? Is he a good example? I think so. He was never married.
So here are two outstanding examples. One good. One flawless. Of living as a single person in effect. And so there is a life that God can give to you in that way that can be very fulfilling.
But if you are saying, well that is not me. I really want someone. Then chances are you are going to get married. Studies show that nine out of ten Americans are married at least at some point in their life. And I believe that the Lord has someone picked out for you.
So guess what? You can start praying for them. You may not even know who they are. Fact is, you may know them and you haven't discovered them yet. You know sometimes it is someone that is a good friend. And you don't think of them as a potential mate. They are just a buddy. But they are a member of the opposite sex of course. And then one day you just look at them and it is like. It dawns on you. What about them?
So that happens. Maybe you will meet them tomorrow. Maybe you will meet them tonight.
What to Look for in a Potential Spouse
What should you be looking for in that person that would be a potential mate? Well a survey was done among singles and the most important qualities singles were looking for were number one beauty 43 percent. Number two brains 50 percent. And number three disposable cash 6 percent. It is interesting that no mention is made of inner qualities.
And I can tell you after being married for 37 years that beauty is fine. I happen to be married to a beautiful woman. But the inner qualities are what really start to matter in the long run.
You know I think you know nobody likes to get older. But let's just try to delicately say sometimes maybe it is a greater struggle for girls than guys. Right? You know guys are like I am wrinkled and proud of it. I use a Brillo pad to make it even worse. Where girls are like oh no. Oh wrinkles. I have to get rid of them. You know. More Botox injections. And they have to actually tell you how they are feeling because their face doesn't move anymore. They look perpetually surprised. You know just.
Listen girls. You are going to get older. Deal with it. How about this. Grow into a woman of God. Not a cougar. All the cougars are walking out. We are out of here. They are going to pick their dog up in their stroller and push it out. But we won't know they are mad. No never mind. I am going to get letters. Emails.
Here is your goal girls. You should seek to be a woman of virtue. That is what the Bible says. That is why we call our women's ministry virtue. It is based on Proverbs 31. Where it says, Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her. And she will enrich his life. She will not hinder him, but help him.
Listen to this. Charm is deceptive. Beauty does not last. But a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
You know. Virtue might be thought of as a feminine word. But actually in the original language it is not feminine at all. It is translated in many ways. Sometimes the word virtue is, the root word for virtue is used to describe an army. And on another occasion in Scripture, a man. So it doesn't speak of femininity as much as it speaks of strength, power, and influence.
So the Bible is actually saying, be a woman of strength. Be a woman of influence. Because God has given you a skill set to influence in a profound and significant way.
You should not be preoccupied with your appearance. You shouldn't disregard it altogether either. But. I'll say more about that in a moment.
1 Peter 3 says, What matters not, is not your outer appearance, the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes, but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.
You know, how many girls today give even a passing thought to the inner person. That's why Christian girls are so attractive. That's why non-Christian guys hit on Christian girls. Because you've got that special something the other girls don't have. And it just sort of shines through. It's that virtue. It's that godliness that is a very magnetic thing.
As a matter of fact, that's how I came to initially even pay attention to the Christians on my high school campus. There was a girl there. She wasn't like a beauty queen. But, I mean, she was an attractive girl, but not strikingly attractive. But there was something about her that caught my eye that drew me to enter into a conversation with her where I saw that she had a Bible.
And out of curiosity, I wanted to know why a perfectly cute girl would waste her life as a follower of Jesus. Because I was not a believer, clearly. And then when I went to that meeting where she was attending, I heard the gospel for the first time. And that was the day I came to Christ.
And after I prayed and asked the Lord to come into my life, that girl came up to me and threw her arms around me and hugged me and said, God bless you, brother. And I thought, I like Christianity. That's good.
Now that girl never became my girlfriend, but the Lord used her to get my attention, you see. So that's a good thing.
But many girls today, you know, obsess over their appearance. It's been shown that 80% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance. Research has shown that the more time a person spends consuming media, the more unhappy they are with their body.
Maybe that's because you're looking at images of girls who've been airbrushed and photoshopped. And check this out, those girls don't even look like that. You know, after they've done the editing on it and so forth, you're looking at almost a fictitious character, like a CG image of sorts.
So, you know, we have these unrealistic expectations.
So here's what I'm saying to you. Now don't get me wrong, because I'm emphasizing one thing, so let's not miss the other. Here's what I would say. Why not give at least equal time to your spiritual life as you give to your physical life? Spend as much time in Bible study and prayer as you spend in working out. Better yet spend more time.
1 Timothy 4:8 says physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise, it's much more important for a promise as a reward in this life and the next.
Having said that, you can go too far in the other direction. Right? You can say, well, I don't care about my appearance, and I'm just going to read my Bible and dress in sackcloth, never shower, never wear makeup, and then wonder why guys never look at me. I know why.
Listen, just be the best you that you can be. There's a place for your outward appearance. There's a place for staying fit and exercise. There's a place for clothes you wear, etc., but don't neglect the spiritual part of your life.
The Non-Negotiable: Seek a Godly Partner
Okay now, what about that guy or that girl you would be looking for? What qualities should you look for? And let's broaden this a bit and say, can we sort of consider all options? In other words, not just people at church, but everywhere. In other words, non-believers.
So if that non-believing guy asks you out on a date or whatever, is that okay to go out with him? Is it okay to enter into a kind of a dating relationship, and potentially a romantic one, with a non-believer?
Let me give you a really long answer. You ready? No. It isn't. I'll tell you straight up.
2 Corinthians 6 says, Don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. What fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness? What communion does light have with darkness? What accord has Christ with the devil, and what part has a believer with an unbeliever?
You know, this seems to happen to girls more, but it happens to guys too. You enter into this relationship and you say, I'm going to reach them for the Lord. I'm going to win them to Christ. You know, famous last words.
Because what happens more often is, you don't win them to Christ, they pull you back in the wrong direction. It's like, I could illustrate this very easily, but I could put someone up in a chair who's bigger and stronger than I am. Though it would be hard to find someone like that. And then I could say, you know, try to pull me up in that chair. And though that person maybe is really muscular and huge arms, I could pull them off the chair way easier than they could pull me up in the chair, even though they can bench press, you know, a lot more weight than I ever could.
Because I've got gravity on my side. I just give them a good yank. They're coming down. See? So when you enter into a union with a non-believer, they've got gravity on their side. See, they don't have a new nature, so they're not drawn in your direction. But you do have an old nature, and you're easily drawn back in their direction.
Okay? And far too many of these so-called romantic relationships, in fact, turn into sexual relationships. And then you're in a relationship you don't want to be in.
So here's what you need to think about. As you enter into a relationship with a guy, first of all, are they a Christian? Do they believe in God? Okay? Everybody believes in God. You know, I believe in God. You know? No. Are they a Christian? Are they a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ?
You will know if they are. And having asked that, even that is not enough. Because there are compromising Christians out there. Oh, they talk the talk, but they don't walk the walk. They say Jesus this, and God that, and oh, the Bible. But then they're out there compromising left and right.
So you want to find a godly Christian. That almost sounds redundant, but there are people that maybe they're technically saved, but I don't know if they would be a good person for you to spend a lot of time with.
Here's what you ought to ask yourself. This person I'm hanging around, after I've spent some time with them, do they build me up or do they tear me down? Right? After I've been with them for the evening, how do I feel afterwards? I feel like, that's great. They built me up in my faith, and I'm encouraging my walk with the Lord. Plus we had a lot of fun, and they're great to be with her. It was like, oh man, that was already a drag. I just felt like they were almost like making it hard for me to live as a Christian. And they were actually getting me to compromise, and do some things I was really uncomfortable with. So you want to find a godly person.
You might say, but Greg, this girl I met, she's totally hot. Oh, I'm sure by that you mean she's on fire for the Lord. Right? Find a hot godly girl, okay? I did. You can too.
But most importantly, find a girl, find a guy that loves the Lord.
2 Timothy 2:22. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you do what is right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
Here's a simple way to sum it up. Find someone more godly than you. And I hope you're godly. But find someone that's actually stronger than you, that you can look up to, that you can admire.
Okay, now, having established that, let's just say you've met a potential mate. Someone that, I think this could lead to something else. Okay, don't rush it. Don't rush it. If your love is genuine, it will stand the test of time.
God's Definition of Love in 1 Corinthians 13
Let's look at our first text now. 1 Corinthians 13. Here's a definition of love. So when you say you're in love with someone, here's something to keep in mind.
1 Corinthians 13, starting in verse 4. Paul writes, Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, or boastful, or proud, or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable. It keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It's never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up. Love never loses faith. It's always hopeful. And it endures through every circumstance.
Number one, love is patient. By the way, this could be translated, it's long-tempered. And this word is common in the New Testament and is used almost exclusively of being patient with people rather than circumstances or events.
Here is just a thought. If you meet someone that you are attracted to and you think there is potential, don't make them your project saying, I am going to change them. Because you are probably not going to change them. Guess what? They might get worse. So if you can't love them as they are, then just stop right there.
Oh, I am going to change them. You know, that doesn't always work out so well. Love is patient. You have to be patient with people. And if your love is real, it will stand the test of time.
The Song of Solomon, chapter 8, verse 7 says, Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
Better to sort this out now than to rush into marriage and find out the hard way. Even if you break up. It's better than divorce. Even if you break the engagement. I mean, even if you walk out of your wedding. Oh, I don't recommend that. You know, don't be like that runaway bride. Remember her story was in the news and there was like a manhunt and she just got cold feet and didn't want to marry the guy and took off.
And so, I mean, that's definitely not a good thing to do. But actually, I think that's a better thing to do than to get married and get divorced. So be patient.
A good example of this in the Bible is the story of Jacob and Rachel. It was love at first sight when Jacob laid his eyes on the beautiful Rachel. So much so that he walked right up and kissed her. Talk about being forward. Then he wept loudly. She probably thought, who is this psycho?
Jacob went straight away to Rachel's father Laban and said, I want to marry your daughter. So Laban was a bit of a conniver. Saw a good business opportunity here. And he said, well, I'll tell you what, Jacob. If you work for me for seven years, she's yours.
God, Jacob could have said, forget that. There's other fish in the sea. I'm out of here. But the Bible says in Genesis 29:20, Jacob spent the next seven years working to pay for Rachel because his love for her was so strong it seemed as but a few days.
Isn't that great? That's patient love. Oh we can't wait. Maybe it's not love. Maybe it's lust. If it's really love, it will stand the test of time. Love is patient.
Love Is Kind and Selfless
Love is kind. You know, just as patience will take anything from others, kindness will give anything to others.
It's funny because when you are first going out with a girl or a guy you want to make the best impression, right? So you're taking that girl out. And you drive her to the restaurant. You get out, and you open the car door for her. And you walk up, and you open the door of the restaurant for her. And you go, and you pull the chair out at the table for her. And you compliment her, and tell her how beautiful she looks. And you have a little gift for her, I got this for you.
And she thinks, What a wonderful guy. Then you get married. Now you still pull the car door open for her. You just close it before she is all the way out. You still pull the chair out in the restaurant. You just don't push it back in. And when she falls on the ground you point at her and laugh.
You still bring her your little gifts like your dirty laundry. Here dear I need this washed now. Yeah well things have changed haven't they? But love is kind.
Now here is the problem with the word love. We have one word in the English language for love and it's love. And we use it from everything to I love my job, to I love my house, to I love my car, to I love my dog, to I love tacos, to I love my girlfriend or my boyfriend.
Now I hope you don't love your girlfriend like you love your dog. Guys, a quick dating tip. Girls don't like it when you pat them on the head and throw their purse and tell them to fetch. They just don't like it.
So in the Greek language they had multiple words for love. It wasn't just one word. They had Eros, which mainly was physical attraction. They had phileo, that spoke of brother love, the love between friends, family. They had agape, which is the word that is most commonly translated as love in the New Testament.
In fact everything we just read there in 1 Corinthians 13 was a definition of agape. John 3:16, for God so loved the world. That's agape. When the Bible says God is love, again it's the word agape. Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Again it's the word agape.
Now every one of these loves has its place in a relationship. Eros is not always bad. I think we think Eros is evil, erotic. Well wait a second. Eros is a Greek word that speaks of physical and sexual attraction. Eros is just fine in the right place. If Eros is in marriage where it can be righteously fulfilled, it's a good thing to be sexually attracted to your wife, etc.
But outside of marriage it becomes problematic and even sinful. But actually it's really Eros that attracts you to a person where you notice them. You know, oh wow, look at that guy. Look at that girl. So it's not an evil thing in and of itself.
Phileo is more the friendship. Now let me sort of contrast them. Eros wants something from someone. Phileo will give you something but expects something in return. Agape will give you something wanting nothing back.
If we compared it to gift giving, Eros means I just want the gift from you now. Phileo would say, I will give you a gift but what are you giving me in return? But Agape would say, here is a gift you could never pay for ever, but I am giving it to you because I love you.
Tragically many relationships are built on Eros today. And when she is no longer hot, you dump her. And when he no longer has disposable cash, you dump him. Right? And so you go from relationship to relationship saying that you are falling in and out of love when you in fact have never really experienced genuine lasting love that will last a lifetime.
You want to build a marriage on this agape love though there is a place for the phileo friendship love and a place for the Eros love.
Sex and the Single Person: God's Clear Boundary
So let's talk a little bit about sex and the single person. It can be summed up in one word. No. Is that clear? No.
Greg are you saying that a single person can't have sex? Exactly. More importantly that is what God is saying.
Sex is not bad. Sex is good. We wouldn't be here without sex. But, it has been created by God. There is a proper place for it. And that place is not outside of the marriage relationship.
Don't tell me as a single person that God spoke to your heart and said, My child, I am okay if you guys express your love one to another. It is never the will of God.
You say, Well Greg that is your interpretation. And I think your interpretation is very narrow. Because my God is loving. And my God wants me to express myself. And my God says it is okay for me to have sex with my boyfriend.
I actually don't dispute that. I would just say, Your God is not the same God as the Bible. You have another God. And I guarantee that God won't save you.
But the God of the Bible says this about it very clearly. 1 Thessalonians 4:3. It is God's will that you should be sanctified or set apart and you should avoid sexual immorality.
Hebrews 13:4. It says, Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Then Proverbs 5:15 says, Drink water from your own well. Share love only with your wife.
Outside of its proper context, sex can be extremely destructive spiritually and even physically. That is why there is no such thing as a so called one night fling. You might say, Oh it didn't mean anything. Well I am sorry, it means a lot.
And the reason it means a lot is because when you enter into a sexual union with someone, you effectively become one flesh with them. And by the way, that even applies to a guy that hires a prostitute for the night. Or a girl who does the same.
In fact, the apostle Paul said over in 1 Corinthians 6:15, Don't you realize your bodies are parts of Christ? Should a man take his body which belongs to Christ and join it to a prostitute? Never. Don't you know if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her. Because the scripture says the two are united into one.
So run away from sexual sin. No other sin clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. The scripture says you have been bought with a price. Therefore glorify God with your body.
You say, Well Greg, it is okay. We are practicing safe sex. No. You need to save sex. For marriage.
You need to make this decision to remain pure in the front seat of the church, not the back seat of your car. Decide now. Don't decide later. When the lights are down. And the temptation is high. And the music is playing. The saxophone. You know?
Have you ever noticed that in a movie when something really weird is going to happen? The saxophone starts playing. So you are out there, you know, under the street light that is out because you shot it out earlier with your BB gun. And you are there with your guy or your girl and some guy standing on the corner playing the saxophone. Trouble is coming.
You decide now if you are going to be pure. Because if you decide now, you are not going to be in that place to start with, see? Because you know better. You are not an idiot. But if you are in that place it shows that obviously you have lowered your guard.
So you say it doesn't hurt anyone. Have you ever heard of AIDS? AIDS is a leading killer of Americans between the ages of 25 and 44. According to the Center for Disease Control, at least one in four American teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease. 25% of all teenage girls, according to this survey, have a sexually transmitted disease.
And 20% of the people who have HIV in America today aren't even aware of it. So that means that there are basically 236,000 people in America today who have HIV AIDS and have no idea. And they are spreading it by having unsafe sex.
So is the answer safe sex? No, the answer is abstinence. It hurts people.
It doesn't hurt anyone. What about an unplanned pregnancy? Well we will just, you know, just sort of deal with that. We will abort the fetus. Is that what you call it? I call it murdering an unborn child. That is what the Bible says. And you know the full ramifications of that may not hit you until much later in life.
An innocent child killed because people don't want to deal with the inconvenience of raising. And I think, God, my mom didn't abort me. I was conceived out of wedlock. I wasn't planned. But God has a plan for every child. There are no illegitimate children. Only illegitimate parents. Every child deserves to live.
So any guy or girl that would tell you to prove your love to them by having sex is a loser. I would put the brakes on it right there.
Flee Temptation: Lessons from Joseph and Samson
The Bible tells the story of Samson whose entire life was devastated by sexual sin because he thought he could handle it. And the reason he thought he could handle it is because he was so powerful and could destroy his enemies. On one occasion he destroyed a thousand of his enemies, the Philistines, with a bone he picked up off the ground. A jawbone of a donkey. He would pick up city gates and carry them on his back. You know, me like this workout, you know.
Now we always think of Samson as really cut and muscular and buff and so forth. The Bible never says he was. We read that the Spirit of God would come upon him. Which makes me wonder, what if he was like some scrawny little dude? Which makes it even funny to think that he could do these things.
But the main deal is he had made a commitment to God that was symbolized by growing his hair out long because he took the vow of a Nazarite. And God empowered him. But because he was so able on the battlefield he thought he could handle anything.
So the devil is clever, you see. The devil will size you up. Everybody has their vulnerabilities. Everybody has their Achilles heel. What is one person's weakness is not necessarily another's. So the devil will look at you and go, oh, I see. You are not so weak in that area. And you are not weak there. But oh, you are very weak over here. And that is where I am going to hit you.
So Samson was a he-man with a she-weakness. So the devil didn't take him down on the battlefield. He took him down in the bedroom. He didn't take him down with an army. He took him down with one girl with the name Delilah, which ironically means delicate.
She came to him and said, oh, Samsy-poo. You are so wonderful. You are so strong. Tell me the secret of your strength so I might torment you. Would that be the first indication this is not a healthy relationship? That you might, what again, Delilah? Torment you. You, little Delilah.
And so every time they got together, they would have sex. And then she would start asking him, tell me the secret of your strength. And he got closer and closer to the truth. And then one day he finally just broke down and said, okay, secret of my strength. It's symbolized by my long hair. I've never had my haircut. You give me a haircut, I'll be weak like any other man.
Guess what she did then? He took a one-way trip to Delilah's barber shop. He got a buzz cut. And you know what else he got? He got his eyes gouged out. When the Philistines pounced on him, he didn't have that supernatural strength. And he ends up grinding at a mill as a sort of form of entertainment for the Philistines.
But listen, having said all that, God had grace on him. And we read that in that place God gave him a second chance. And Judges 16 says, how be it the hair of his head began to grow again. And by the way, I've cited that verse many times. Lord, you've said in your word, the hair of his head began to grow, Lord. Hasn't worked so far.
And his hair did grow back. And of course, we all know the story of how Samson slew all those Philistines and so forth in the end. But don't forget that when he pushed those foundational pillars apart and the walls on the ceiling came crashing down and destroyed his enemies, he was destroyed with them. That is what sexual sin did for him.
Now let me contrast him in closing with a guy who did it right. Samson messed up. This guy did it right. His name was Joseph. He is in Genesis 39.
The Bible tells us he was really good looking. Really handsome. And he had a God given sexual drive. He was working for a guy named Potiphar who was very wealthy and powerful. He had a wife named, well we don't know her name actually. She was just Potiphar's wife. She was a cougar for sure. She was probably very attractive as well, I'm sure. Otherwise why would it be tempting?
And she was far from subtle. She just come up to Joseph and say, yeah, you know what? Why don't we have sex together? He's like, no way. No, no, come on. Yeah, let's do that. No, no, no.
He says, I can't do this wicked thing and sin against God. Yeah, interesting. Let's go ahead and have sex together. And he resisted her day after day. Never even for a moment considered it.
And so now she just turns into full predator. Genesis 39 verse 10. She kept putting pressure on him day after day. He refused to sleep with her. He kept out of her way as much as possible.
One day, when no one was around, he was doing his work inside the house. She came and grabbed him by his shirt demanding, sleep with me. Joseph tore himself away. And as he did his shirt came off and she was left holding it as he ran from the house.
How do you deal when you're really getting tempted? Do what Joseph did. Run. Sometimes it's literally as simple as that.
You know, maybe... let's go back to that scenario. Okay, you know, remember, you're in the car and the light's out and the guy's playing saxophone on the street corner and temptation is coming on strong. And you're like, oh, I'm getting weak. I'm getting weak. Oh, no, Lord, help me. Oh, Lord, help me. Lord, help me.
You don't need to pray anymore. No, don't pray. No, no, don't pray. Open the door of the car and run. Better yet, kick them out and drive. Get out of there.
There's always a way out. How many of you have ever given in to temptation? Raise your hand. I hope all... Don't not raise your... Not me. That makes me think you're more guilty.
Now go back to the last temptation you gave in to. And let's not make it even evil. Let's just say, you know, you ate that piece of chocolate cake or something. Was there a way to not do that? Of course. It's like, you know, I'm trying not to eat late at night, but I found myself at Krispy Kreme Donuts. How did you find yourself there? Well, I was near there. Do you live there? No, I don't live near there. But I was kind of cruising by. Yeah, well, you know, you put yourself in the way of temptation.
So here's what the Bible says. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
Loose paraphrase, God will never give you more than you can handle. And there is always a way out. And sometimes the way out is as simple as the door, which Joseph used.
Flee temptation and don't leave a forwarding address.
So Samson, he played with it. And sin played with him and effectively ruined him. Joseph resisted it and ran out.
God's Forgiveness for Past Failures
You might say, Well, you know, Greg, that's all nice what you're saying, but I've already fallen. In fact, I'm living with my boyfriend or girlfriend. Or I've been having sex outside of marriage. Or I've actually had an abortion and I'm feeling pretty guilty right now. And I don't know what to do.
Well, here's what you need to do. You need to say to God, you're sorry. It's a sin. Call it what it is. And ask for his forgiveness. And guess what? He'll forgive you.
Remember that woman who was caught in the very act of adultery? So how did Jesus deal with her? Remember, she was surrounded by her accusers. Jesus got rid of them. And then he turned to her and said, Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you? She said, No, Lord. He said, Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.
See, that girl, she realized that Jesus was forgiving her. And if you will tell God you're sorry for your sin and repent of it, he'll forgive you.
That doesn't mean you say you're sorry and go and do it again. That's not repentance.
So that means, okay, well break this down for me. Make it real simple. You're living with someone? You don't live with them anymore. You're having sex with someone? You stop having sex with them. You're looking at pornography. You stop looking at pornography.
Well, it's hard, man. Well, then get an Internet filter. Or get rid of your computer if you need to. Do whatever you need to do. Take whatever measures you need to take to put the proper barriers in your life.
You're in a relationship where you're feeling weak and compromised. You probably need a new relationship. Make the appropriate changes and you'll see things improve quickly.
And if you've done something that can't be fixed, well then you just ask God to forgive you. You've conceived a child out of wedlock. You carry that child to term. And if you don't feel you can raise that child, you put it up for adoption. There's wonderful Christian homes out there that will adopt that child out to a loving family who love Christ, who want to raise it in the way of the Lord.
So give that child a chance. Or maybe you'll change your mind after the child is born. But the point is, don't make a bad thing even worse. Okay? So just deal with it. Take the appropriate measures. And like Jesus said to this woman, go and sin no more.
Look, bottom line, every one of us have sinned. Okay? Now I'm not talking to singles or married people in particular. I'm just talking to everybody. We've all sinned. And we've all sinned sexually. Either be it in an act or in a thought. Because Jesus said if you even look at a woman with lust in your heart, it's like you've committed adultery.
We've all sinned in this area. We've all lied. We've all stolen. We've all taken the Lord's name in vain. We have all sinned and fallen short of God's glory. That's clear.
But God loved us so much He sent Jesus Christ, His own Son, to die on the cross in our place. And then He rose again from the dead. And now He stands at the door of our life and knocks and says if we'll hear His voice and open the door, He'll come in. And He'll forgive us of our sin.
Or if I've gone astray, He'll forgive me and welcome me home again.
Invitation: Come to Christ for Forgiveness Today
So we're going to close now in prayer. And this is really for anyone that needs to get right with God. If you need to make a commitment or recommitment to Christ, respond now.
Let's all pray. Father, we thank You for Your Word to us tonight. We thank You for Your offer of forgiveness. And we thank You that there is no sin so great that You cannot and will not forgive it. If we will turn from that sin and ask for Your forgiveness. So I pray for any who are here who need to take this step. Any hearing this message. Who need to repent of their sin. Help them to do that now. We pray.
Now while our heads are bowed and our eyes are closed and we're all praying. If you want Jesus Christ to forgive you of your sin. If you've done something you know is wrong. You're ashamed of it. But you want it erased. You want it pardoned. You want to be forgiven. If you want Christ to come into your life right now. Would you just lift your hand up wherever you're sitting and I'm going to pray for you.
If you want God's forgiveness tonight. Just raise your hand up. I'll pray for you. God bless you. All over. Hands are going up. I hope yours is one of them. If you need to take this step. You've done something. You know it's wrong. God will forgive you. But the only sin that God will not forgive is a sin that we will not confess. But the Bible says that if we confess our sin. He's faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Anybody else? You need God's forgiveness tonight. You need Christ to come into your life. Lift your hand up. I'll pray for you. God bless you.
If you're out there in the lobby area you can raise your hand as well. I can't see you but the Lord sees you. So you take that step too.
Maybe some of you have fallen away from the Lord. You know what's right but you haven't been living it. You've been living a compromised life in the areas I've been talking about maybe or some other area. But you know you need to get right with God. If that's your need raise your hand up and let me pray for you tonight. God bless you. God bless each one of you. God bless you.
Anybody else? God bless. Father I thank you now for each one of these and I pray you will give them the strength to stand up and follow you and receive all that you have for them. We commit them to you now in Jesus name. Amen.
Listen everyone that Jesus calls he calls openly and publicly. And we are going to do the same in a moment. Our worship group is going to lead us in the song of invitation. And I am going to ask if you prayed with me during that last moment saying that you want Christ to come into your life or saying you want to come back to the Lord.
I am going to ask that when the song begins you would get up out of your seat, walk down here to the front and stand here. And when you all get here I am going to lead you in a prayer of commitment.
Now why do I ask you to come publicly like this? Well because Jesus said if you will acknowledge me before people I will acknowledge you before my Father and the angels in heaven. But he added if you deny me before people I will deny you before my Father and angels.
So this is a way to acknowledge him. I am going to ask that no one leaves right now. The only movement I want to see is the movement of those coming forward to make a commitment or recommitment.
So everybody else just be praying for these now. So if you raise your hand even if you did not. But you need your sin forgiven. You need to get your life right with God. You want Christ to come into your heart. Get up out of your seat right now. Come on down to the front. And I will pray for you when you get here. Come on. Let's get up and come.