Greg Laurie - What the Bible Says about Singleness and Marriage (11/06/2017)
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Pastor Greg Laurie teaches from Ephesians 5 what the Bible says about singleness and marriage, highlighting advantages of each state and the need for Spirit-filled living. He stresses building marriages on Christ as the solid rock, using time wisely, submitting in the fear of God, and finding contentment in God's plan while shining the light of Scripture on relationships.
Midweek Bible Study and New Sanctuary Update
Thanks, guys. All right, you can all be seated. Aren't you glad there's a midweek Bible study in Orange County that you can go to? Come on. Every Thursday night. And by the way, I was just over at the New Sanctuary today. Do you know we're going to be in that in around nine weeks? That's close. Nine weeks. We're going to be in there. And it's coming together so... it's coming really fast now because they're painting the walls and the carpet's going to be laid down on June 1st. And, you know, do you think it's kind of cold in here, the air conditioning? It's going to even be colder. No, it probably won't be. But maybe. But it's going to be amazing. And you're going to just love it. And it's going to be a place for us to grow together and go together. So just be praying about that, you know, as we get closer and closer to our grand opening. So that's something to be excited about.
Quick Poll on Marriage and Singleness
All right. Now, how many of you are married tonight? Raise up your hand if you're married. Raise your hand. Okay. How many of you are happily married? Raise up your hand. Okay. That's almost as many. How many of you are single? Raise your hand up if you're single. Well, quite a few of you. How many of you are happy being single? Okay. How many of you who are single wish you were married? How many of you are single? How many of you who are married wish you were single? Don't. Don't do it. Okay, I have a special gift for all of you singles tonight. This is a book I wrote some time ago called God's Design for Christian Dating. This really outlines for you what the Bible says about what a single should look for in another person, what should happen in your relationship. And we have a generous friend here tonight that donated these. So this one free book to every single person tonight. Okay, so let me see you. You married people taking them. Unless you're going to give it to a single person and then it's okay. But so when you leave tonight, there's a table set up. You can get your own copy of God's Design for Christian Dating because we want to just invest in you and help you and encourage you and point you to the scripture.
New Series: Live, Love, Fight
Well, in our series from Ephesians, we're in a new section now. And we're going to be talking about relationships, marriage and family and parenting and much more. So let's turn in our Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5. And the title of my message is what the Bible says about singleness and marriage. Ephesians chapter 5. Why don't we pray together?
Now, Father, as we open your word, I pray for every person here and every person watching and listening. Lord, if they're single, I pray that you will help them to wait for the right person in their life, that godly man, that godly woman, that they would be patient, Lord. And if they're married, I pray, Lord, that their marriage would be strengthened. So would you bless this time as we look in your word and see what your scripture says about relationships. We ask this now in Jesus' name. Amen.
Humor on Marriage and Anniversaries
Heard about a husband and wife who were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. The husband took his wife by the hand and made an announcement in front of all their friends and family. He said, my dear wife, after 25 years of wedded bliss, I've decided to send you to China. Oh, she was so excited. China, she says, I've always wanted to go to China. She said, if you're going to do this for our 25th anniversary, what are you going to do for our 50th? He dryly said, that's when I'm going to pick you up. Not a good sign.
You know, it's been said that marriage is like a three-ring circus. Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Okay, does it have to be that way? Oscar Wilde said years ago, the world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. End quote. You can understand why he would make a statement like that. J. Paul Getty, one of the wealthiest men who ever lived, once said, quote, I would give my entire fortune for one happy marriage. One happy marriage. Is that even possible? Can a man and a woman fall in love and stay in love and be married and live to be happily, will live happily ever after? That's how those fairy tales often end. Well, I don't know about happily ever after. I have another idea. How about happily even after? And I believe that is possible.
Threats Against Marriage Today
Of course, there's a lot of threats against the marriage today. The divorce rate is at roughly 50% in the United States. However, that rises with a second marriage where it becomes 60%. And then for a third marriage, it rises even higher to 73%. Here's the problem. People aren't doing it God's way. So that's why we want to look at what the Bible says here in Ephesians chapter 5 about husbands and wives and parenting. And we'll have a few words for the singles as well. This series is called Live, Love, Fight. Okay, so now we're in the love section. So we're going to take a little time to explore this together.
And by the way, speaking of love and speaking of sex, in my next message, I'm going to talk about the only legitimate place for sex between a man and a woman. And while I'm on that topic, I also want to deal a little bit with same-sex attraction and what the Bible says about that. Here's what I think we need to understand together. We cannot look to Hollywood or this culture for cues on how to have a successful relationship. These people in Hollywood can't keep a relationship together five months, much less a lifetime.
Hollywood Marriage Examples
Here's just some stories you've probably heard. Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson were married a number of years ago. You know how long their marriage lasted? Four months. Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney got married. They lasted four months. Eddie Murphy and Tracy Edmonds, their marriage lasted two weeks. It gets worse. Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, their marriage lasted six days. And pop star Sinead O'Connor entered her fourth marriage after just 16 days.
I came across these magazines. I hope you don't think that I subscribe to these magazines. But they actually kind of make my point. This is In Touch magazine. The cover story, a teen mom, Leah. I don't really know who she is. I've never watched that show. Forced into rehab and losing her girls. Jeremy files for divorce. Now we have Miley Cyrus here. Revenge on Patrick. Miley cheats with Liam. And then we have double divorces, Bobby and Giada. It's on. Divorce. Here's Star magazine. We have Jennifer Aniston on the cover. It's over. I'll raise the baby alone. The shocking reason she called it off. But now we have Johnny Depp. Johnny's fury. Amber caught with secret girlfriend. And then we have another Star magazine. Cameron Diaz and Benji. Divorce. Shocker. Battle over her $100 million. After only 108 days, he lied about wanting a baby. Cam in tears as Benji moves out. And now we have Bruce Jenner. I'm not going to even go with that. So... But it's in the magazine. You can check it out yourself.
Qualifications to Speak on Marriage
Now I feel somewhat qualified to speak on the subject of marriage. I suppose. Number one. My mother was divorced and married seven times. Say, how does that qualify you to speak on marriage? Well, let's just say, I know what bad marriages look like. She had a lot of boyfriends in between that. I had a front row seat to things that a young boy should never see. But I've seen how marriages can fall apart.
Number two. By God's grace, my wife Kathy and I have been married for 41 years now. So we're thankful. Where is Kathy? Kathy Laurie. Where are you, Kathy? Kathy? Kathy, why don't you stand up? She's like 20 rows back there. There's my wife, Kathy. She doesn't even look like she's 41 years old, much less being married to me for 41 years.
And thirdly, I've been a pastor for 41 years and have counseled many couples. And what I've seen, and usually when people end up in my office, it's pretty bad. It's sort of like the last ditch thing where they said, okay, we'll meet with Greg, but nobody else. And by the time they walk in to see me, it's pretty far gone. But I'll say this. After counseling many, many couples over many, many years, most marriages that I have seen fall apart did not have to. And if I hear one more person say, we broke up because of irreconcilable differences, I will scream.
Irreconcilable Differences Humor
Listen, my wife and I, Kathy, we have had irreconcilable differences for 41 years. They're irreconcilable, and there are differences. She's neat and, well, I'm messy. She's sometimes late, I'm usually early. She likes British TV dramas, I like shoot-em-ups. She's cute and I'm fat. It's irreconcilable. Nothing we can do to fix it. It's like that old song says, let's call the whole thing off. You say either, I say either, you say neither, I say neither, either, either, neither, neither, neither. Let's call the whole thing off. You say potato, I say, you know it. I say tomato, you say, potato, potato, tomato, tomato. Let's call the whole thing off. And then the song ends with these words, but oh, if we called the whole thing off, it just might break my heart. And it is, oh, please. It is heartbreaking because I've seen the aftermath of what happens. You think you had a clean divorce and you got it all sorted out. But life doesn't work that way.
Here's what I find interesting. We say we have these irreconcilable differences, but wait, what drew you to that person in the first place? Answer, they were different than you. You've heard the expression, opposites attract. You couldn't find any two people that are more different than Kathy and I. But that is the very thing that drew us together. And you found that person complimented you, even completed you. But now you think that you can't be in the same room with them anymore. And this wide chasm has developed. And it's insurmountable. And the differences are irreconcilable. I think you need to go back and embrace it and say, viva la difference. Hey, that's why we love each other. That's why we like to be with each other.
Building Marriages on the Rock
Listen, if you're having marital problems right now, and if in your mind your mate is the sole person responsible, I already know a great deal of the problem is with you. Okay? Because if you don't think that you're playing a part in a marriage that is unraveling, you're living in a dream world. Successful marriages are the result of a lot of hard work, a lot of effort, dependence on God, of course, and application of biblical principles. Marriages that are unraveling are because those things are not happening. There is no effort put into it. There is no prayer put into it. And you're disregarding what the scripture says.
Listen, marriage is a wonderful and blessed thing that God created. In fact, the number of people who say they are very happy in their marriage is very high. It's 61 to 62 percent. Maybe God knew what He was doing when He created marriage. One study revealed that married people actually live longer than unmarried people. They go to doctors less often and they make less use of other health care services.
Now, having said all that, I don't in any way want to imply that you are inferior or you're a second class citizen if you are a single person. Because God has a very unique plan for the single. Now, there are people that are sometimes called to be single for a lifetime. But a lot of singles today will be married in time. Studies show that 9 out of every 10 people are married at some point in their lives. So, you know, pay attention to what we're sharing. Because even though you're not married yet, these truths will matter to you at some point in your life.
Advantages of Singleness from 1 Corinthians 7
But here's what I believe. I believe that as a single person and as a follower of Jesus Christ, God has someone picked out for you. Yeah, I actually believe that. Some don't, but I do. I believe it's just that right person. And you can start praying for that person right now. You know, it's a funny thing. When you're single, you often wish you were married. Oh, if only I was married, I know I would be happy. And there's some married people who would say, Oh, if only I was single again, I know I would be happy. But here's the bottom line. There are advantages and disadvantages to being single. And there are, frankly, advantages and disadvantages to being married. And I'll identify those in a moment. But here's what we want to do. We want to find contentment in the place where we are at right now.
The Apostle Paul said, So don't think, if you're single, you're going to find your total fulfillment in marriage. It comes from your relationship with God first. Start there. Find your contentment there. Walking with Him. Now, it may be that the person God has chosen for you is someone you already know. And it just hasn't dawned on you. And that does happen. Maybe a girl or a guy that has been a friend for years, and then one day you just look at them with different eyes and say, Hey, what about that thought? Then again, it may be someone you've never met before. It may be someone you will meet tomorrow or the next day. But here's the deal. When you're looking for a guy or a girl that would be a prospect in the future for you to have a relationship with them and possibly even to marry, you must always look for a godly person. A godly person. Not just someone who says they're a Christian.
Girls, guys will say anything to get you to go out with them. Okay? Because some guy may say, Hey, you want to go out with me? And you'll respond by saying, There's a girl. Well, are you a Christian? Oh, why do you ask? Well, because the Bible says you should not be unequally yoked together with non-believers. I'll only go out with a Christian. He thinks about it for a moment. He says, Well, praise the Lord. Even the way he says it's like icky. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Well, we're out of here. Just because someone says they're a Christian doesn't mean they are. Look for a godly man. Look for a godly woman. Let me take it a step further. Look for someone more godly than you.
My wife tells me that I said this to her once. Doesn't seem like a very romantic thing to say. But she said, You said to me early on in our relationship, Kathy, listen. If you ever get in the way of my relationship with God, you're out of here. I said, I really said that? She said, Yes. And then I asked her, Well, what did you think? She said, I loved it. Because I was looking for a guy like that. That's what I wanted in a guy. So you have your priorities in order.
Reading Ephesians 5:13-21
But let me address for a moment the advantages of singleness. Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 7 starting in verse 32. He says, An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please Him. But a married man can't do that as well. He has to think about his earthly responsibilities, how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be more devoted to the Lord in body and spirit while the married woman must be concerned about her earthly responsibilities, how to please her husband. I'm saying this for your own benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best with as few distractions as possible.
So when Paul says, When you're married, you must consider your mate how to please them, that's not a criticism. It's just a practical acknowledgement of reality. See, when you're married, you have to think about your husband. You have to think about your wife. They're a very important part of your life. And we'll deal with that more in our next message. It's not to say it's a bad thing to be married. In fact, it's a very good thing to be married. Proverbs 18:22 says, He that finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord.
But when you're single, you have mobility like you don't have when you're married. And then when children are born, the responsibilities increase. So here's what you want to do. You want to use that mobility to bring glory to God and do what you can for His kingdom while you can.
Well, Kathy and I, we courted for three years and we broke up three times. It was like an annual event. And these were big, gnarly breakups. Like, I never want to see you ever again. But we always came back together and then finally, I proposed. But actually, Kathy says, I never proposed even. I really mess this up. I'm looking back in retrospect. She said we were having dinner and because I have no recollection, I'm going to have to go with her version. Which I'm sure is accurate. We're having dinner. And she says, Greg, you turned to me and said, Well, I guess we're going to get married. Huh? I thought, that is so romantic, isn't it? I guess we're going to get married, comma, huh? So that's how she knew I wanted to marry her.
So finally, we picked a date. She was 18. I was 21. She was a vision of beauty. I looked like I just walked off the set of Duck Dynasty. Long, long hair. Long, bushy, red beard. Wearing the ugliest tux that's ever been made. I didn't want to go with the traditional tux. I thought this one was super cool looking with wide lapels. I look more like a pimp than a groom. This is the truth. I even had platform shoes. It's embarrassing. My wife looks timeless. It's like, how did you end up with that guy? But see, she could see beyond that hair. She saw something more. She knew underneath all of that hair was a bald man. And so... But here's the thing. I have discovered the secret to a long marriage and a happy marriage. So if you're taking notes, write this down. If you want to live a long and happy marriage, have a long and happy marriage, marry yourself. That's my answer. That's what I did. Yes, it's true. Because Pastor Chuck Smith married Kathy and I. And, you know, Kathy married a man with a girl's last name, Laurie. I heard this growing up. So a lot of times people will see Kathy and they'll call her Laurie. But her name is Kathy. Hey, Laurie, they'll say to her. She'll respond, though she's deeply wounded. No, but, you know, she's Kathy Laurie. She has two girl names and I have one girl name. So this is what I mean when I said I married myself. Chuck leads us through the vows. We get to the end. And then he says to all of the people gathered, I now pronounce Greg and Laurie, man and wife. So I married myself.
Years later I was telling that story at a pastor's conference. And Pastor Chuck came walking up just as I was telling the story. And he'd given the punchline. And Chuck actually said, Hey, Greg. And Kathy was there. And he said, Hi, Laurie. He's like, Oh, no. Well, we can't marry ourself. But we want to do it God's way.
Storms in Marriage and the Solid Rock
Listen. Every marriage is going to be tested. Every marriage is going to be tried. And mighty storms have hit our marriage as well. The hardest thing we ever had to face was the death of our son Christopher seven years ago. And I know other marriages that have fallen apart when a child dies. It's a devastating thing to happen to a marriage. And the reason we were able to get through that and continue to get through it is because we built our relationship on Jesus Christ. And that's what sustained us. And continues to sustain us. And also the hope that we'll see our son again in heaven.
But Jesus used this very analogy in his conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount. In Matthew 7:24, it says, Anyone who listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise. He's like a person who builds his house on solid rock. And though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it's built on a rock. But he continues, Anyone who hears my teachings and ignores it is foolish. He's like a person who builds a house on sand. And when the rains and the floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will fall with a mighty crash. That is a perfect picture of the family. You're building yourself on a foundation. If you're building your marriage on shifting emotions and fluctuating feelings or sand, it's going to collapse.
I've never understood why people build elaborate sandcastles. You know, they'll win these contests and you just think, It's only going to be a matter of time until a wave washes out of way or a crazy little four-year-old boy comes and stomps on it and enjoys every moment of it. And a lot of people will build their marriage on emotion or on sex and sexual excitement and they don't understand that marriage is more than that and it must deepen beyond that. So here's my question for you. Is your marriage on the rock or is your marriage on the rocks? If you build it on Christ, it will stand the test of time because the storms will come. Notice Jesus did not say, If the rains and the floods come. He says, When the rains and the floods come, the storms will come to every relationship. Temptations will come. Hardships will come. Money issues will come. All the things will come your way. You have to be built on a proper foundation and have a commitment to do what the Bible says.
Personal Reflections on Marriage Changes
Fact of the matter is, and you may not know this about me, I have been married to five different women. I don't know that I've ever revealed that before. Five different women. Ironically, all of them were named Kathy. I guess I just like that name. Even more strange, all of them spelled their name the same way. C-A-T-H-Y. That's how my wife spells her name. So my point is, the Kathy I married at age 18 isn't the same Kathy I was married to at age 30. And the Kathy I was married to at age 30 is not the same Kathy I was married to at age 40. And we're going to stop there. And that's pretty much where it does stop in the moment. But here's my point. She has changed over the years. I have changed over the years. But I will say to you, and I wouldn't say this if it wasn't true, it gets better and better and better if we do it God's way. That's the truth.
You know, when life is over, three things are going to sort of bubble to the top of what really mattered in life. Three things. Faith, family, and then a distant friends in the third category. Faith, when I talk to people who have come to the end of their life, they always think about how they should have been closer to God. How they should have spent more time in church and in studying the scripture and walking closely with the Lord. But always a close second is family. Oh, they have regrets. They have regrets about the way they treated their wife or their husband or their children. You know, one of the glorious things God gave to us as a gift was we had a fantastic relationship with our son when he was unexpectedly called home to heaven. And so we didn't look back on our relationship with him with regrets. But we think about these things. On your deathbed, you're not going to think about how much stuff you own. Because it won't matter. As I've often said, you've never seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul trailer. You're going to leave it all. Your only concern will be who you're going to leave it to. You're going to think about God and you're going to think about family.
So instead of waiting until your deathbed with a life filled with regrets, let's work on it now and get it right and have a strong and flourishing marriage. Far too many marriages, divorce is considered as an option in some of the instances I cited earlier after only a few days. Recent surveys have revealed that as many as two-thirds of those interviewed who called themselves Christians thought that divorce was a reasonable solution to a problem, marriage. I'm sorry, but it isn't. Listen to this. Wedlock should be a padlock. If marriage is miserable, if your marriage is miserable, the fault does not lie with the institution. It lies with the participants. People get into a cycle of selfishness that they can't seem to break out of. And so you don't want to let that happen to you.
Strong marriages don't come about by accident. It's not unlike your relationship with Christ. You show me someone that is growing spiritually and I'll show you someone that applies himself every single day. And the same is true of marriage. You show me a marriage that's strong, that's because they put effort into it. You show me a marriage that is weak, that's because they're not putting any effort into it. It's been said that Christian life is like a greased pole. You're either climbing or slipping. And the same can be said of marriage. The moment you stop progressing, you begin the process of regressing. You must tend to nurture and care for your spouse and your family. We need God's help. And help is right here in the scripture. Plain as day, in Ephesians 5, probably the most definitive passages on this topic where we are told how to do it God's way, how to have a strong and lasting marriage. And then when we get to chapter 6, Paul deals with parenting and children.
Ephesians 5:13-21 Takeaway Truths
But before we get into those specific words to husband and wives, we're going to read the introductory statements of Ephesians 5 that really apply to marriage. So we're going to read Ephesians 5 starting in verse 13 and reading down to verse 21. By the way, that was the introduction. That was long, wasn't it? So look at Ephesians 5. Verse 13. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light. For whatever makes manifest as light, therefore he says, Awake you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light. Verse 15. See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore don't be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is, and don't be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Verse 21. I'm going to ask you to underline that verse. We'll come back to it. Submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Okay, so here's some takeaway truths about having a strong marriage. Number one. If you want a successful marriage, shine the light of God's Word on it. Shine the light of God's Word on it. Verse 13. All things are exposed and made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. You know, when you can't find something, turn on the light. You ever lose something in your car? I have black interior in my car and I lose things. I've lost burritos that I haven't seen for months. I thought I saw one climbing up into the child's car seat the other day and buckling itself in and it alarmed me. No, but seriously, you lose things. I lose my phone all the time. One of the most embarrassing things is losing your phone and calling it and looking at that little feature that shows you where your phone is and discovering it's in your back pocket or something like that.
But sometimes, you'll lose something in the car and you'll turn on a very bright light and start searching and there it is. Heard the story about a drunk man who was searching for his wallet under a streetlight. Someone asked him the question, did you lose your wallet here? He said, no, I lost it down the street but there's no streetlight there. See, it's no good to search for something if you go to the wrong place. And sometimes people will have marital problems and they'll say, well, we're getting counseling. Well, that's not always the answer because my question is, what kind of counseling? Are you getting biblical counseling? I've heard people talk about the counsel they have received from people they will usually pay a great deal of money to and the counseling is not biblical. It's not correct. And I think it's counterproductive. We need biblical counseling.
Psalm 1 says, Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly or stands in the way of sinners or sits in the seat of the scornful but his delight is in the word of the Lord and in it does he meditate day and night. So we need to look at what the Bible says. I'll often ask these questions when someone comes to see me for marital counseling. Question number one, are you a Christian? They'll usually say, of course. Oh, we love the Lord. Okay, you love the Lord. Great. Number two, do you believe that the Bible is the word of God? Oh, yes. We love the word of God. Okay, number three, are you willing to do what the Bible says even if you find it difficult? Well, now they know they're in trouble. Because I'm going to tell them what the Bible says. And I'm going to ask them if they're doing it.
So what I would say to them, I'm going to say to you right here, you would not hear anything from me privately that you won't hear in this message and the ones to follow. I've had people ask the question, well, what if you don't agree with what the Bible says? You really ready for the answer? Here's the answer. If you don't agree with what the Bible says, change your opinion because you're wrong and the Bible is right. It's as simple as that. Change your opinion. If we're having problems in our marriage, we must admit we've strayed from God's plan. Admit as husbands we have not loved our wives as we ought to. Admit that perhaps you've not been the wife you should be. Every husband, myself included, could love my wife more. Every wife knows she could love more. So shine the light of the word of God on it and everything else for that matter.
Wake Up to Spiritual Reality
Point number two, wake up. Wake up. Verse 14. Awake you who sleep. Wake from spiritual lethargy. You can't just put this thing in cruise control and expect it to go well. You have to be alert and aware and be paying careful attention to that relationship that you are in. The moment you neglect your spiritual life you're going to falter. You can't live on what has happened in the past as a follower of Jesus and the same is true for marriage. Wake up to the fact that this world system is not for marriage and family. Our Supreme Court today is going to determine what they think marriage now is. Listen, I already know the answer. I hope they get it right because God has told us in His Word. But culture does not value marriage.
You know, back when I was a kid, growing up, we had a lot of sitcoms like A Father Knows Best, Leave It to Beaver, My Three Sons, The Donna Reed Show. And, you know, in almost all those shows, you had a husband and a wife together. The father was wise and understanding and the mother was caring and nurturing. In fact, when, you know, the kid would come home from school, mom would be in a nice little dress with pearls making fresh cookies. And, you know, I understand these were TV shows, but there was sort of the sense that the family is good. Husband and wife together are good. A father and mother raising a child, that's good. Not anymore. I mean, now, if you were to sum up fathers and most sitcoms, you could just call the show Dad's a Complete Idiot. You know, they don't value the family. And now we have attacks against the family. And then it just seems in so many shows, they feature immorality and they present it in an attractive way. And this is what we have to deal with. So, wake up to the fact that culture does not support the family. The sooner we know that, the better.
Walk Circumspectly and Redeem Time
Number three, walk carefully. Walk carefully. Verse 15, see that you walk circumspectly. What does that even mean? Well, the word is the basic meaning of that which is accurate and exact. That which is accurate and exact. It carries the idea of looking, examining, and investigating something with great care. Sort of the way you would look at a contract. Let's say you're buying a car or a house. Oh man, as they say, the devil's in the details. Read the fine print. Understand what you're committing yourself to or when you're building something and you look at the plans. Get it right.
We've been looking at the plans that we're doing our build out from for our new sanctuary and we follow those plans very carefully and here's the reason why. They've been approved by the city. And if we just change it to, oh, we're not going to put that wall here. We're going to put that wall over there and we're going to change this other thing and build it five feet higher or expand our footprint. You can't do that. And if you do, you won't get approval from the city and you can't open. You see? And in the same way, we read the scripture, we know it has been approved by God. So study it carefully. Look at the details of it. It tells you how to do it. Walk carefully. This also carries the idea of alertness. Alertness. Alertness. Where you go into your marriage saying failure is not an option. Winston Churchill once said, victory is not won by evacuation. So you just say, we're going to make this marriage work. You know, when we got married, I've never even considered anything close to divorce. Not that we even came to that point. But that was never an option. That was sort of a trap door out.
Ruth Graham, the wife of Billy Graham, was once asked the question if she ever thought of divorcing her husband, Billy. She said, never thought of divorce. Murder, yes. Divorce, no. That's a joke, by the way.
Number four, use your time wisely. Use your time wisely. Verse 16, redeeming the time because the days are evil. The word redeem means to make the most of your time. Use your time wisely. You know, years ago, the prophet came to see King Hezekiah. And Isaiah said to him, Hezekiah, set your house in order for you shall die. My question for you is, is your house in order? The word redeem also means to make best use of every opportunity. So do what you can to strengthen that marriage.
Be Filled with the Holy Spirit
And here's a big one, and this is our final main point, number five, to have a successful marriage, you must be filled with the Holy Spirit. You must be filled with the Holy Spirit. Let me broaden that to have a successful Christian life. You must be filled with the Holy Spirit. Look at verse 18. Don't be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit. The verb in the Greek is in the imperative mode, meaning it's a command. So to fail to do this will cut off your power supply.
Years ago, we had a work day at our church up in Riverside, and so I went out to help and I am not a handyman. You never want me to come over to repair anything. I'll only make it worse and that's the truth. If my wife sees me walking through the house with a hammer, she'll stop me. Where are you going with that? Everything I try to fix, I make it worse. And so, we're doing this day where we're cleaning up trash and painting and trimming hedges and there was a power tool, a hedge trimmer, sitting there on top of a hedge plugged in and I was like, oh, that looks fun. So, I got this thing up and I'm trimming the hedge. I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. Right through the cord. And I looked this way and I looked that way and I set it down and walked off. I was so embarrassed. I didn't tell anyone. Years later, a friend of mine, Dennis Davenport, was helping. He was up on the roof. He was just getting to know me as the pastor. Oh, look, there's Pastor Greg. Oh, Pastor Greg's helping out. Pastor Greg just cut the power cord and walked off.
But we do that in life, too. We cut our own power source. You see? We need the power of the Spirit. The filling of the Holy Spirit will empower you to be a godly spouse. Because ultimately, he says, submitting to one another in the fear of God. If you're a Spirit-filled person, you'll be a submitting person. Now, I know we don't like the word submission. And we're going to get to that when we talk about wives. We get really hung up on that. Oh, I don't submit. I don't submit to anybody. Yeah, you do. When the CHP turns his light on, you better submit. When your boss says, come into my office, you better submit. When the teacher in the classroom says, are you paying attention? You submit. We submit all day long. And so we should.
So let's rephrase it. Submitting one to another in the fear of God. Or if you're really Spirit-filled, you'll think of others more than yourself. The Spirit-filled husband puts the needs of his wife above himself. The Spirit-filled wife puts the needs of her husband, or the Spirit-filled husband puts the needs of his wife, the Spirit-filled wife, needs of her husband. In a military sense, it can be translated to rank beneath or to rank under. So it's not so much who's more important. It's not about superiority or inferiority. It's about the roles of a husband and a wife, and God has established roles in the marriage relationship.
But you go into the marriage saying, He's going to meet all of my needs. You're going to have trouble. If you go into the marriage saying, This girl, she's going to make all my dreams come true. No, you're going to have problems. Marriage is not so much about finding the right person as it is about being the right person. Be the best husband you can be. Be the best wife you can be. Be the best single person you can be.
So you need God's power, single people out there, to help you wait and to resist sexual temptation. You know, some people are shocked that after they look at pornography, their minds are filled with sexual thoughts. Wow. Are you an idiot or what? You know, you don't feed lust, you starve it. And when you feed your mind with that kind of junk, you're going to create a lot of trouble for yourself because there is so much of that kind of pressure on singles today. And the idea being, Hey, you know, you have to find out if you're compatible in every way, including sexually, and you're encouraged to move in and live together and that sort of a trial run. There's not a thing you could do that could be a worse way to start a relationship than to live with a man or a woman outside of marriage. In fact, studies show that those that live together before they're married have a far higher divorce rate than those that wait until they're married to be together. But we'll deal with that later.
But you need to wait on God's timing and you need to resist sexual temptation. And God tells you in 1 Corinthians 10:13, there is no temptation taking you, but such as is common to man. And God who is faithful will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able would will with the temptation make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it. Listen to this. Whenever you're tempted, quick poll, how many of you have ever been tempted to sin? Okay. How many of you have given in to that temptation? Well, you are a sinful bunch of people. By the way, guy in the back, don't get all excited. Like, you know, a little humility. Yeah, I have. I have. Not this. Me! But there was always a way out. Think of any temptation you've given in to. Was there a way out? Of course there was. Sometimes the way out was as simple as the door. or the off button on the remote control or pulling a plug out of the wall if you had to. There's always a way out.
Sometimes the best way out of temptation is to be like Joseph when he was tempted by the wife of Potiphar, this older woman that started hitting on him. She was the original cougar. She was far from subtle. She said, lie with me. In other words, have sex with me. Sure, she was very attractive. Joseph did what any clear thinking red-blooded young man would do under such circumstances. He ran like crazy. He said, I'm out of here. Sometimes it's as simple as that. You know, maybe you book a hotel room and you're there with that guy or that girl and you lay down on the bed and say, God, I'm being so tempted. Give me strength. Shut up. You're an idiot. Get out of that room. What are you doing? Be practical. But you see, God will give you the power to do that and he'll give you the power to be a good husband and a good wife.
The Meaning of Being Filled with the Spirit
Now, this isn't just true of marriage. This is true of the Christian life. We need the power of the Spirit. Have you ever been driving along in your car and your idiot light goes on? You know what I mean by idiot light? Little gauges that say you need more fuel. I don't know about you, but I always put off getting gas. Why? Well, if I drive a little longer, I'll save more money maybe. No, just get the gas. My wife, I'm telling you, she runs on fumes. She thinks that little red light on empty, that's just a guideline. I've got another 100 miles. I know because I've got in her car after she drove it or my car after she drove it and I go straight to the gas station praying, God help me, help me. Put the gas in. You need a refuel. A refill. Same is true of us as Christians.
You know, the day of Pentecost was when the Holy Spirit was poured out upon the church. It was a unique, one-of-a-kind event never to be repeated. We don't need another Pentecost and we don't need another, any more than we need another Calvary. God did it on that day, poured out His Spirit. But maybe a more normative illustration of how we are to live as Christians is found in Acts chapter 4. We read of Peter and John speaking to the people. They had boldness from the Holy Spirit. In fact, Acts 4:8 says, Peter, filled with the Spirit, said to them the following and gave them the gospel. And then the religious leaders forbade Peter and John to continue speaking about Jesus. So what did they do? They prayed for more boldness to do more preaching. Acts 4:29 says, They prayed, Lord, hear their threats and give us your servants great boldness in preaching your word. Stretch out your hand with healing power. May miraculous signs and wonders be done through the name of your holy servant Jesus. After this prayer, the meeting place shook and they were filled with the Holy Spirit and they preached the word of God with boldness.
Does this mean every time we pray for the filling of the Spirit, the room will shake? No. Does this mean every time we pray for the empowering and filling of the Spirit will have an emotional experience? Again, no. In fact, it might help you to know what the word fill means. The word that is used here by Paul for being filled with the Spirit is a fascinating word that can be translated multiple ways. A number of word pictures kind of bring it home. One way the word was used was to convey the idea of wind filling a sail, carrying it along. So it's like you're out there in the water and you're in your little sailboat and a gust of wind comes and you just glide along the surface. That's what it's like to be filled with the Spirit. He just gives you the power to do what He calls you to do. So His commandments are not a drudgery but they're a delight. You find yourself wanting to do the things that God says, not doing them because you have to. See, the Spirit gives you that desire.
Another way the word is translated conveys the idea of permeation. So it's used to describe salt permeating meat. In the first century they didn't have refrigeration like we have today. So when they wanted their meat to last a while they would rub salt into it, rubbing it in deeply, permeating the meat and thus it would last longer. And so the word being full of the Spirit speaks of the Spirit permeating your life. See? Not just part of your life, all of your life. God wants to permeate the lives of His children and what they say and what they think and what they do. He wants to influence us in our marriages, in our singleness, in our work, in our worldview. And finally, the word fill means total control. It conveys the idea of being under the control of something. Have you ever been really scared? You come under the control of fear? Have you ever been really sad? Will you come under the control of grief? That's the idea conveyed here. You come under the control of the Holy Spirit.
So put it all together. To be filled with the Spirit is to be under His control. To be filled with the Spirit is to be carried along and permeated by and under the control of the Holy Spirit. We fill ourselves with God's Word And His will becomes our will. To be filled with the Spirit is walking thought by thought, decision by decision, under the Spirit's control and leading. Be filled with the Spirit. And it's a good idea to every day say, Lord, just fill me with the Holy Spirit. And He'll fill you, and He'll refill you, and He'll fill you again.
Closing Invitation and Salvation Call
And so we're going to close our service by asking God to fill us with the Holy Spirit. But before we do that, let me throw this thought out there. The Holy Spirit, who is a part of the Trinity, God is a triune being, Father, Son, Holy Spirit. The work of the Holy Spirit, according to Jesus, is to convict and convince us of our sin. So the Holy Spirit does His work in our life, before we're a Christian, and He shows us our need for Christ. That is why Jesus said, the only unforgivable sin is the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. What does that mean? It means that you're resisting the work that the Spirit has come to do, and the Spirit has come to show you, you need Jesus Christ.
You see, Jesus died on a cross for you 2,000 years ago, because we're all separated from God by our sin. We fall short of His standards. We break His commandments. So Jesus died in our place and paid for all those sins we've committed. And now the Holy Spirit of God will come to us and say, you need Jesus in your life. And if I say no to the Holy Spirit, I'm resisting His work. And if I say no to Him over and over again, there can come a point where I'll insult the Holy Spirit. The Bible actually warns against doing this. And then finally I can find myself in a position where I'm resisting the Spirit, and ultimately even blaspheming the Spirit. No, we want to listen to what the Spirit is saying to us.
Listen, as I said earlier, Isaiah the prophet said to Hezekiah, get your house in order, before you're going to die. You know, we don't know when that day is going to come in our life. It may be 10 years from now. It may be 30 years from now. It may be tomorrow. We don't know. So get your house in order. Get your act together. Get your life right with God. And then you'll know that if the Lord calls you, you'll be ready to meet Him. And if the Lord comes for His church in the rapture, which He could come for at any moment, you'll be ready to meet Him.
And Sunday mornings, we're in a series, within a series now, and our messages we're calling God came near. And we're going to look at Matthew 24 that talks about what Jesus said about the end of the world, how to be ready for that, for His return. But listen, when your life is right with God, you don't have to be afraid.
So let me ask you this in closing. If you were to die tonight, do you have the confidence you would go to heaven? Listen, if the Lord were to come tonight, do you have the assurance that you would be caught up to meet Him in the air? Would you be one of the ones who would be taken to heaven to meet Him? Or would you be one of the ones that would be left? Listen, if you don't know Christ yet, I'm going to give you an opportunity to get right with Him. And He'll forgive you of all of your sins. And you'll know your life is right with God.
If you've not made this commitment to Jesus yet, do it now as we close in prayer. Okay? Let's all bow our heads.
Father, we thank You for Your Word to us. Now I pray for those that have joined us who may not yet know You. Lord, we pray that Your Holy Spirit will convict and convince them of their sin and bring them to Yourself. Show them their need for Jesus. Help them to believe now, we ask.
Now while our heads are bowed and our eyes are closed and we're praying, how many of you would say tonight, Greg, pray for me? I want Jesus Christ to come into my life. I want my sin forgiven. I want to know that when I die, I will go to heaven. I'm ready to say yes to Jesus right now. Pray for me if that's your desire. If you want Jesus Christ to come into your life and forgive you of your sin. If you want to go to heaven when you die, would you raise your hand up? Let me pray for you now. Raise your hand up high where I can see it. If you want Christ in your life, God bless you. Lift it up high where I can see it now. God bless you. Back there, God bless you too. Anybody else? You want His forgiveness? You want your guilt taken away? Raise your hand up. God bless you, sir, back there. If you haven't raised your hand yet, lift it now. God bless you too. Anybody else? Lift your hand up high. I'll pray for you. God bless you. Anybody else? You want Jesus Christ to come into your life? You want to be ready for his return? Raise your hand up. I'll pray for you. God bless you.
While our heads are still bowed, maybe some of you would say, man, I'm a Christian, but I've just made so many bad decisions lately. And I've been doing things I should not be doing. And I know they're wrong. And God's Holy Spirit has convicted me because I'm his child. And I want to repent of that sin. And I want to come back to Christ tonight. I want to recommit my life to Jesus. If that's your desire, raise your hand up and let me pray for you. God bless you. God bless you. Anybody else? God bless you. You need to make that recommitment to Christ. Raise your hand up now. God bless each one of you.
Now I'm going to ask every one of you, if you would, please. And I've raised your hand. I want you to stand to your feet. And I'm going to lead you in a prayer right where you stand. Just stand up. Wherever you are, stand up. If you raised your hand, even if you did not, but you want to make this commitment or recommitment to Christ, we are going to pray. God bless you guys standing. Even if you did not raise your hand, you can stand. By the way, others are standing. You won't be alone. Just stand up. I'm going to lead you in a prayer. Anybody else? Stand to your feet right now. You need to make this commitment or recommitment to Jesus Christ. Stand up. And I'll lead you in this prayer. God bless you. One final moment. Anybody else? Stand now. Now, one last moment. Anybody else? Stand up. All right, God bless all of you standing.
I'm going to lead you in this prayer, and I would ask that you would pray it out loud after me, right where you stand. Again, as I pray, pray this out loud after me, okay? Pray this after me now, right now.
Lord Jesus, I know I'm a sinner, but I know you're a Savior who died on the cross and shed his blood for every sin I have ever committed. I'm sorry for my sin. I turn from it now. I choose to follow you from this moment forward as your disciple, as your child. Thank you for calling me and accepting me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.