Greg Ford - All Ears
Welcome to the power of one. Today, I wanna talk to you about the leadership skill, the life skill nobody’s talking about. We’re gonna talk about listening. We’re gonna look at three kinds of listening. Listening to God, listening to ourselves, and listening to other people. And today, we’re gonna focus on listening to other people. This is a timely message because we live in a day where people tend to talk over one another, and sometimes it’s two people in the same room at the same time speaking with actual volume but often it happens in a comment section. It’s happens in a digital forum. We’re making our point. We’re speaking but are we listening and are we listening well. Jesus today is going to give us a five-step master class. Jesus was an astute listener. In fact, we’re gonna see in a text today that he had an opportunity to get really offended if he wanted to but instead of letting himself get offended he decided to become a world class listener. Let’s learn from the master.
You think about Jesus' teaching. Jesus was obviously fully God, fully man. He was a prolific, skilled teacher, and yet so much of his teaching was not accepted by people because it would fall into their blind spots, or it might fall into areas where they were dogmatic in a belief. And even though they were wrong, and Jesus was speaking truth, the truth wasn’t enough because they couldn’t see it, they couldn’t receive it. And I think this is why one of Jesus' tactics in teaching is he would give diagnostic advice. Like, nobody would say that, people wouldn’t say they’re greedy people, but Jesus gives a diagnostic in Matthew 6. He says, «Hey, where your treasure is there your heart is».
So, there’s a diagnostic. You could literally go look at where you put your money and it will tell you a story about where your heart is. And it’s not like it’s just totally that simple but it’s at least a good starter. And if you go there, it’s telling you something. Doesn’t matter what you say, where you’re putting your resources, your time, energy and money, it says more than your mouth. In fact, then he runs a man through this diagnostic a few chapters later in Matthew 19. There’s a rich man, a rich, young ruler comes to Jesus, and he comes with sincerity and deep questions, and he says, «Hey, what do I have to inherit eternal life»?
And Jesus goes back and forth with him, and once he really perceived the man was sincere, Jesus says, «Hey, I gotta diagnostic for you. Just think about this. Here’s what you need to do. Sell all your stuff. Everything. Okay? Fire sale. Sell it all, give the money to the poor and come follow me». And the Bible the guy, like, put his head down and went away sad because he’s like, «I don’t wanna do that». And so, what’s Jesus doing? He’s running him through a diagnostic. Jesus wasn’t trying to get the man to buy his way into the Kingdom of God. He wasn’t doing something legalistically. He was doing something diagnostically. I want you to see how important this stuff is to you 'Cause you may not know. It’s hiding in plain sight.
So, I think when we think of diagnostics and we look at the teachings of Jesus, but I think just things, there are some things in general that if you look at them together they start to paint a picture for you. And today, actually, I want you to think about the relationship between how well you listen and how much you care. There’s a correlation for sure between how much you care about a person or a topic and how well you listen. In fact, if you could press a button and just care more, you would definitely listen better. Like, that would just happen. In fact, the areas you don’t listen at all, you don’t care. It could be a couple things. Like, it could be a person you don’t care about.
So, they may be desperate, and they may be pleading but maybe if you don’t have any care for that person then you’re not gonna listen well. Or it could be somebody you love very much, you care about, but you don’t care about what they’re talking about, and because of that it goes in one ear and out the other. There’s a correlation. But if I care about the person and I care about what they’re talking about, then I will naturally listen better than if I don’t. I mean, think about this, like, if you’ve ever been trying to communicate something you were passionate about and somebody wasn’t listening, it really ticked you off. It really bothered you deeply. And the reason it bothers you deeply wasn’t just 'Cause they didn’t hear you, it was because the message they’re sending back to you is, «I don’t care».
That’s what they’re telling you. Now, reasonable people know that you can’t link you listened to me with you did everything I said. Some people link that. «Well, you didn’t listen to me. You didn’t listen to me». And what they mean is, «You didn’t do what I said». You gotta know, people that listen to you aren’t always gonna do everything you say. If you’re a reasonable person and you work at a big company, and you go in and you have a complaint, or you have a thought, or whatever it is, you don’t necessarily expect the company to cater all of their systems, processes, and everything around your preferences. That’s not a reasonable thing but it is reasonable if you care about me to actually listen, really listen to what I’m saying. And if you think of it on the other side.
If you ever had somebody who really did listen to you, I mean, they were really locked in. They really were connecting the dots. Like, if you’ve ever been talking like, «I don’t know if this makes any sense». And then, they say it back to you and you’re like, «No, they get it». They were tuned in. This could be somebody you barely know but you feel cared about. And this is where sometimes it’s kind of, I think, confusing because sometimes people that really should care about us based on their proximity or the nature of the relationship, it’s a family member or a long time friend, that doesn’t care enough to listen, and yet somebody over here who we barely know listen well, and somehow, I feel more cared for here than here.
But there is a correlation between how we listen and how much we care. And this is one of the reasons why I think it’s essential as the body of Christ that we develop a reputation as really great listeners. Sometimes, the body of Christ is known more for our statements which sometimes you gotta make a statement. Sometimes, that’s a good thing to do. It’s an appropriate thing to do. I just don’t know, at least, I don’t hear the refrain out there, you know? Like, the body of Christ, «I mean, there’s something about those guys. They just listen well».
And I wanna look at actually from Jesus. We’re gonna go to John 11 and what I’m gonna do is, I’m gonna actually show you within a story, a story that’s really known for something else. I wanna show you how Jesus listens within this story. It’s a story of Lazarus. And Lazarus is known as being raised from the dead, okay? But I want you to watch, and we’re not gonna focus so much on Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead as much as we’re gonna watch his process of listening.
We’re gonna start in John 11:1, it says, «A man named Lazarus was sick, and he lived in Bethany with his sisters Mary and Martha. (and this is the Mary who later poured the expensive perfume on the Lord’s feet and wiped them with her hair). And her brother, Lazarus, was sick, so the two sisters sent a message to Jesus telling him, 'Lord, your dear friend is very sick'». Verse five, «So although Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, he stayed where he was for the next two days. Finally, he said to his disciples, 'let’s go back to Judea'».
Point number one is there is a correlation between caring and listening. Now, I want you to notice Jesus doesn’t necessarily respond right away to their request. It wasn’t that he didn’t listen, it wasn’t that he didn’t care. It was actually, Jesus understood that what was about to happen with Lazarus was gonna be a part of a big part of his mission. It was a bigger part of his purpose. In fact, in terms of biblical context, this is right before Jesus goes to the cross. And it was actually Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead that was a catalytic event that caused the powers that be to take Jesus so seriously that ultimately, he went to the cross. And Jesus knew that in terms of the puzzle of all of this, this was a huge piece.
So, it wasn’t that he didn’t hear them, it was actually he knew things that they didn’t know, and he was, this was part of his journey. One of the things that’s interesting when you study this text is the commentaries and the biblical historians will tell you that it’s extremely significant that John mentions, the author John, mentions that «Jesus loved,» and then he mentions each person by name. He didn’t just say, «And Jesus loved them all». Or he doesn’t say, «Jesus loved that family». It says, «Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus». And the significance of that was he’s drawing attention to the fact that Jesus understood them and knew them individually. That he understood their different personality types. That he was in close relationship with them.
And so, we see, first of all the fact that Jesus cared. And friend, I wanna ask you something, and I say this not in no way to talk down to you or to put some sort of dysfunctional guilt but if you find yourself not listening well or not even wanting to listen, I do think the first diagnostic question is, «Do I care»? And if there’s whole groups of people, like, you don’t give a rip what about or there’s somebody for whatever reason, «I don’t care». At least own it. «I don’t care». And you can stop there if you want 'Cause, you know, this is the United States of America and you’re a citizen and you can do whatever. You’re a grownup and you have a free will, and you can do what you want.
I just think as the body of Christ, we shouldn’t be cool with just not caring. I understand we can’t care about everything, and everybody all the time, do everything, but I think we should care, man. And I think if we don’t care, we should ask God to help us care. You know, Jesus cared. Matthew 9. They brought tons of people to him, all these people and it said, «He looked at these massive crowds of people and he didn’t just see a nameless, faceless crowd. He saw sheep without a shepherd». And it said, «He was compassionate toward them». I think we need to care and if we don’t care, I think we need to deal with that.
The second is, that we learn in this master class is that great listeners learn to customize to the individual. So, look at this. John 11. Jesus shows up four days after Lazarus has been dead and look at the different responses. It says in verse 20, «When Martha got word that Jesus was coming,» he had finally shown up. Four days late. «She went to meet him». «I’m not gonna sit here and wait on you, I’mma gon' meet you out in the parking lot. Catch me outside». «But Mary stayed in the house». Different personalities and different people handle some of the same feelings different ways. «Mary stays in the house. Martha comes charging out».
Now, look at this. «Martha said to Jesus, 'Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died'». Mary’s still in the house. Mary finally comes out of the house in verse 32, and look at this, «When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, 'Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died». Notice, they both said the same thing but one of 'em said it in his face and the other said it at his feet. I have to imagine that it probably sounded differently the way it came out. Man, I don’t have video evidence but based on what we know about Martha, okay? Her personality. If you read other scriptures about Martha, Martha’s the one that when they had the big meal in the house and Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet, Martha comes in and is like, «Who’s gonna help me clean up»?
Then, she starts barking at Jesus, «Hey, why don’t you tell Mary to get away from your feet, come help me clean this thing up». She starts telling Jesus what to do. She’s a gutsy woman. Martha’s not to be messed with, alright? You don’t mess with Martha, okay? She’s an alpha. She’s not playing this, okay? «I do this whole», y’all aren’t gonna stick me with the dishes. Alright? I could just told y’all, «You want me to get up. Okay»? And she’s telling, «I’m 'bout to have Jesus come here. Okay, you turn water into wine, we’ll see what you can do with these dishes». So, that’s Martha’s personality, and yet Mary was the one at Jesus’s feet. She was more passive. And you see now, if you really look.
Now, we gotta look deep. We gotta listen close to the text. Listen close to the text. Martha comes out in Jesus' face but what’s up? She’s hurting, man. She’s confused. «What’s up, dude? I sent you a message two days earlier and you’re gonna show up four days late. What happened to six days»? She’s upset. She’s in Jesus' face, and you’ll see Jesus actually has a conversation with Martha. Mary when she can finally get herself out, she said the same thing Martha said but she sang at Jesus' feet. Martha was like, «If you had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died». Mary is, «If you’d been here, my brother wouldn’t have died». And what we see of Jesus' response to Mary is, he simply listened to her. He doesn’t go back and forth with her.
In fact, what you’re about to see if one of the more famous verses in the whole Bible is John 11:35. It says, «Jesus wept». And «Jesus wept». It says in the scripture in response to the pain of Mary. The verse is famous 'Cause it’s the shortest verse in the Bible. That’s why everybody knows it. Like, «I memorized my scripture today. 'Jesus wept'. Got one». Okay. But it’s such a powerful verse because what it is is it’s Jesus understanding, and it was Jesus custom response to Mary. He knew Mary didn’t need the same conversation Martha had. She wasn’t ready for that. He would just sit and listen and then what she really needed was that connection and for Jesus to cry with her. Great listeners customize to the individual.
Number three, listen past what they said to what they were trying to say. I think, you know, Jesus obviously had the advantage that he was omniscient. He knew everything but I don’t think you have to be omniscient to cut these women some slack for being upset or for saying something like, «If you’d been here, this wouldn’t have happened». Now, here’s what I found. People often who are in chaotic situations, emotional situations even when you’re trying to listen well, sometimes, we’ll give you a reason to be offended if you’ll take it. They’ll give you something 'Cause it doesn’t always come out quite right. And yet, Jesus, I appreciate about him, that Jesus doesn’t get defensive.
So, I get offended, I get defensive. And when I get defensive, my whole listening posture changes. It changes from, «I’m listening because I want you to feel the love and feel the care, and I wanna help you». To now, «I feel defensive». And I’ve literally, I’ve won and lost at this, I’ve done good and bad. I remember the times I came in with right intention to help somebody and then they said something and be like, «Well, if you would have», I’m like, «What are you talking to me for? I didn’t do anything. Why are you mad at», now, all of a sudden, I’m defensive.
So, now, all my listening isn’t actually to help you, it’s to defend myself. And I think a lot of people, man, our listening skills get stunted and actually, we get stuck as the listener because we get fixated on what they said, «But you said this, but you said», now, what were they trying to say? What were trying to say? Some of you know a little bit about our family, we have two sons on the autism spectrum. Our older son, Hudson, is eleven, he’s a little bit more severe on the spectrum. His communication skills and some of these things, and my wife and I were out of town for a few days, whenever we go out of town, we try to prepare our boys. «You know, okay guy. We’ll be back». And we show 'em the date on the calendar but they’re not fully getting it and, you know, when are they gonna come back and stuff, and they really, especially, miss Shaylyn.
So, we get back from this trip and it’s like, maybe we’ve been back about a day, and Shaylyn and I are having this important conversation, and Hudson keeps trying to get Shaylyn’s attention, and as he’s trying to butt in and we’re, «Hold on a second». You know, you go, «Wait your turn». And you know, we’re talking. Finally, after about his fourth attempt to butt into our conversation, he goes, «You’re a loser». He said that to Shaylyn. Okay? «You’re a loser». Which is like, «What»? I mean, that’s like an abomination, right? Who calls their mom a loser, okay. So, in the moment, I was like, «No one talks to my wife like that». Okay. But of course, you gotta correct, «Hey buddy, you know we don’t do that. We don’t talk like that». I didn’t wanna overreact, but I don’t wanna under react.
So, I’m kind of a deer in headlights. «Okay, how do I handle this»? And yet, Shaylyn, you know, had the presence of mind, to realize like, «Okay, we gotta talk about we don’t say that type of thing». But she realized she should hear more. Okay, he doesn’t think his mom’s a loser. He was trying to come up with whatever he could say that would snap us out of the conversation, that would get him the attention. Well, why does he want our attention? You know, «I miss you. Do you care about me»? And so, Shaylyn had the presence of mind. They went out, «Hey, let’s go sit out on the porch». And they did, and they had a conversation and pretty soon it was like, «Okay». Like, she could hear what he was, not what he was saying, «You’re loser».
What was he trying to say? «I missed you, I didn’t know when you were gonna come back. I’m thankful you’re here. I want to feel the value and the bond», and that’s what he’s trying to say. And guys, you gotta hear beneath. People will always give you a good thing you could latch onto and go, «But you said this». And «You’re this way». The question comes back to point number one, how much do you care? 'Cause if you care enough, you’ll listen beneath the surface. There are some people who are coming off angry they’re really actually desperate, they’re really actually afraid, they’re really actually concerned. Like, there’s something else underneath that. You know when you see a kid trying to get attention, you know, that kid’s going, «Am I valuable»?
There’s some people that say things or come off arrogant but if you can hear underneath the cocky statements, you know, that the person’s painfully insecure. You gotta be an astute listener. And so, Jesus was able to listen underneath what they said to what they were actually trying to say. And of course, again, back to verse 35, it says, «Jesus wept».
You know, the fourth thing from Jesus' master class is that a little bit of empathy goes a long way. A little bit of empathy goes a long way. The willingness to sit there and to listen. And I think empathy is the action step before the action step. It’s like the first action step. And empathy is one of those things, I think, when you say the word, it has this touchy, feely connotation but I think the reality is it takes a lot of toughness, a lot of strength to develop empathy. It takes a willingness to sit in there and to go the distance. And I think even that in and of itself is a win. It goes a long way.
The fifth thing in the master class is to help in the way you’re empowered to help. To help in the way that you’re empowered to help. What I found is this. When I’ve listened to people well, often times, somebody comes in and they start working their way through a thought or a feeling or whatever their processing, and we get to the end and sometimes, I’m like, «Well, hey, you wanna do this? Hey, you wanna do that? Hey, what if we do… Hey, can I help», and a lot of times, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had somebody go, «No, actually I feel a lot better, I’m good now. I’m actually good, man. Thanks for listening». I’m like, «Are you sure, man»? 'Cause we can do, «Nah, man. Actually, I feel great. That was all I needed».
So, sometimes, like, it’s all somebody needs. Like, that’s a huge deal. And yet, other times, there is like, «Okay, what is something I can do»? I wanna encourage you. Do not develop a God complex. That it’s your job to go fix everybody’s stuff and you’re pathologically responsible, and «I gotta be there. I gotta do this. I gotta do that». But also, I think, sometimes, on the back end of empathy when I listen well, it’s like, you know, «I can do this». And they’ll go on, «It’s just a little thing».
No, the little thing goes a long way. And you know, we look at Jesus, of course, he was empowered to raise Lazarus from the dead and he did so, but most of us, we don’t, I don’t have that in my bag. I don’t know if you do but I don’t. But I can do some, I can help you with this problem. You know what I mean? I can pray for you. Man, I can’t raise your brother from the dead, but I can follow up with you a couple weeks after and check on you. You know, I can bring you a meal that week because you’re so caught up in grief that to make your own. Just let me bring you some food. Like, I can do those type of things. And so, I think we look at, what is within our power to do, what gesture or maybe I can’t solve all your needs, but I can do one. And so, we see Jesus doing that.
I wanna end with this. I recommended at the beginning of this series, the book «Whisper» by Mark Batterson, where he talks, really, it focuses on listening to God but within one of the chapters he mentions a study by a guy named Howard garden. He’s a Harvard professor who has a theory of multiple intelligences. So, it’s like, depending on which one you read, eight or nine different types of intelligence that people have. So, he talks about, like, mathematic intelligence. Some people, numbers just make sense. Some linguistic. Some people they just, words. Like, they’re great storytellers and they latch onto words. They’re good at learning languages.
Some people are body smart. Like, they just get like, dancers or athletes, or you know, people that they can just like, just make sense the things they can do with their bodies. People are music smart. They just, music makes sense. They can pick it up quick. They learn fast. And then, there’s things like interpersonal smart. And interpersonal smart is not just someone has people skills. But they can perceive, they’re perceptive of people’s feelings, they’re perceptive of their motives, they can just read well. And there’s intrapersonal smart which is actually the ability even to be self-aware and see within themselves.
And so, I think with this, when we think about listening, there are some people naturally gifted by God, brilliant in the area of perceiving other people. And I think these people are naturally good listeners. Some of you, you’ve have had people say, «You’re the best listener, thank you. You’re such a good listener». And you’re like, no one even trained you for it. You just, you’re just smart. You just pick it up quick. If you are in that part of the intelligence spectrum of interpersonal, I want to encourage you to take it really seriously, to add skills to your gift, and to lead the way in the body of Christ at creating a trend and a culture around the body of Jesus being great listeners. Be a master class, man. Do it well.
Listen beneath the surface. You know, bring your empathy to the table. Do all of it. Like, be a leader. Be a model. And every time God uses you to listen to somebody, don’t just go, «All I did was listen». You gotta walk away knowing, no, what you did was care, and you proved the care. They walked away, «I feel cared for». So, let God use you in that way. And then, also, to create an example for other people. And let me say this to the others. Maybe, there’s some of you, you’re like, «You know, I’m pretty good with numbers but, man, I’m sometimes obvious to people».
Maybe you’re the kind of person, you’re going, you know, it’s not that you’re dumb, it’s just like, in this area, it’s like you’re going, «Oh, I mean, I didn’t know everybody’s feeling that». You know, you just seem to not know. Instead of getting upset with yourself, or feeling bad about yourself, or going, «Yeah, I’m no good at this so I don’t care». If you’re the type of person that just goes, «Yeah, I don’t care». Don’t wear it as a badge of honor 'Cause some people do. «Oh yeah, yeah. Yo, yeah, I don’t care. I don’t care what anybody thinks». Really? I mean, I don’t think that’s healthy, you know? I mean, I realize you can spend your whole life doing what everybody thinks. I mean, that’s not healthy either but to not care what anyone thinks?
Dang, I don’t think that’s healthy. Like, I think there’s probably some health in, some balance in there. And at some point you go, «You know what, if I kinda don’t care, maybe that’s where I starts 'Cause I’ll become a better listener as I develop compassion. And maybe I start and I go», and that’s your prayer. «Lord, help me. This doesn’t come naturally to me. This doesn’t come naturally to me. I tend to see things my way. I tend to be able to compartmentalize and not care. Lord, I want to care more. I want what breaks your heart to break mine. I want the heart of Jesus».
And so, if that’s you, maybe that’s your action step in prayer is, «Lord, help me to have compassion. I wanna be like Matthew 9. I care about people. I care. I wanna be like John 11, that I care». And you start there and start growing in this. You may never be a superstar in the zone but you can get better than you are now, and you’ll be surprised the way that God can use you even outside of your talent, even outside of your gift to use you when he anoints you with his Holy Spirit.