Greg Ford - Listening to Yourself
Welcome to the power of one. Today, I wanna talk to you about the life skill, the leadership skill that very few people are talking about, we’re gonna talk about listening. And we’re looking at listening in three different phases, listening to God, listening to yourself, and listening to other people. And today’s conversation, we’re gonna look at listening to yourself. And this can be a tricky one, right. You’ve got voices in your head, you’ve got thoughts going through your mind. And you’re like, «Man, is that a good thought or a bad thought, is that a God thought or a me thought? And if it’s a me thought should I trust it»? It’s tough. Today, I wanna help you with it, how to decode those things, and how to get to a better place. Let’s dig in together.
Should I trust my thoughts? Should I trust the voices in my head, what I’ve been thinking? Should I trust that? How trustworthy is that? You know, you’ve probably heard people talk about, or maybe you’ve even been a proponent of like, «Don’t trust your feeling». Right, feelings aren’t trustworthy. If you make your decisions based on feelings, you’re gonna live a herky-jerky life. It’s gonna be roller coaster, you know, 'Cause you’re up one day and down the next. So, if you just go, «Well, I feel this way, so I’m gonna act this way, and I’mma do this thing». What happens when next week you feel different and you’re like, «Dang, but I made that decision that week».
So, then you’re gonna just keep making feelings decisions and your feelings are unpredictable, and your feeling sometimes will tell you lies, but they’re real, but sometimes they’re not true, but sometimes they are true, right? Which is why you hear other things like, «Trust your heart, man. Trust, what’s your heart saying to you? Trust your heart». Well, what’s the Lord saying? I don’t know. How do I know? Well, sometimes the Lord speaks to you through impressions in your heart. Well, that’s a feeling, but you told me not to trust my feeling, but should I trust my feeling? I don’t really know if my feeling’s trustworthy. Let’s think about listening to yourself.
Self, let’s think of some self-concepts, like, self-care, self-care, self-care. Caring for yourself, a me-day, a you-day. I’mma do some things for myself. Okay, self-care, but then there’s self-indulgent. Self-indulgence we cross the line, I’m over-indulging myself. Have you ever not been sure what’s up? Like, you’re out there getting your mani-pedi, and while you’re getting your mani-pedi there’s a voice in your head going, «You’re so self-indulgent. You could be doing this, you could be doing that».
Have you ever had somebody ask you for something you could have given, but you didn’t, 'Cause you need to save it? And so, you told somebody no. They ask you for some time, or some energy, or some money, and technically you had it, but you were feeling somewhat depleted and so, you decided to tell them no. And there’s a part of you that’s like, «You’re selfish». That’s another selfish versus selfless, self-absorbed, self-aware. Well, how do I become self-aware? Well, if you’re gonna become self-aware, you gotta go inside enough. You gotta think about yourself enough. You gotta go inside your own head and spend enough time with you, thinking about you to where you can be self-aware. Which everyone, universally says, is a good thing. But then, if you, you know, you’re in your own head too much, you’re self-absorbed and all you do is think about yourself.
Self-centered, bad thing, but yet, you should have a sense of self. If you’re so selfless, you know, they say, «Well, being selfless isn’t thinking less of yourself it’s thinking of yourself less». That’s good, but you could think of yourself so less that you lose a sense of who you are. Really not being self-centered means you put something else at the center and you orbit that, right? Like, you become a parent, and this little human shows up and you start exchanging oxytocin. You know, all these brain chemicals, so I feel bonded and responsible.
So now, my resources, my time, my energy, my money, they’re at the center of my universe, and now, I’m orbiting my child, I’m orbiting them, everything’s about them. 'Cause I don’t wanna be self-centered, I got my kid here. And so, I’ve been taking care of them and saying no to me. And I wake up thinking them, and worrying about them, and trying to help them, or maybe it’s not your kid. Maybe you’ve fall in love with somebody, and you wanna be a good spouse, you wanna be a good wife, or a good husband. And so, I put this other person at the center, and I begin orbiting them 'Cause I don’t wanna be selfish. Be self-sacrificing so, I sacrifice me, and I put them at the middle, and I’m running around them. Or maybe my career, because I’ve got great ambitions and dreams.
And so, I wake up thinking about this, I get up early, and stay up late, and I wanna be a teammate. And I give them myself and so, I’m orbiting this, and then you show up at church and the preacher’s like, «You got it all wrong, 'Cause anything you put at the center of your life, other than God, is an idol. Your kids can be an idol and your spouse could be an idol, and your career, and your ambitions, and good things, when they become God things become idols». And so, they say, «Put Jesus at the center of it all Jesus at».
Okay, so, Jesus is now at the center and now I’m orbiting him. And y’all I’ve around now for a minute, I’m 42 years old. I grew up in church, I’ve seen good people come and take everything out, put Jesus at the center and I’ve seen them burnout too. Seen them burn out too 'Cause Jesus is outside of me, and I’m tryna serve for him, and I’m trying to do it all, and I’m orbiting him. And I realized that we have a fundamental misunderstanding about what actually happens when you come into relationship with Jesus. 'Cause this, by the way, when you read the Old Testament, what they nation did. And they did it, actually, started out symbolically with the tabernacle, which when they were mobile, they were homeless, they were nomads, they had a tabernacle which contained the presence of God, the Spirit of God.
So, they put the presence of God in the center of the tabernacle, and everything was around it, everything revolved around it. When they finally got a home they built the temple, presence of God was there and everything was around that, and they ran themselves ragged and they couldn’t keep up. And they were trying to please God by circling him and orbiting him, and they burn out. And then, what happens is Jesus comes and he dies on the cross for our sin, and he forgives the debt that we couldn’t pay. And then, he sends his spirit to live inside of us, and the apostle Paul says, «Hey, guys, if you’re still orbiting Jesus and you’re thinking of him as outside of you, and you’re running around him and running yourself ragged trying to please him, and trying to earn his favor,» and he goes, «You don’t understand about what you should understand about his presence, okay».
What he says, in 1 Corinthians 3, he says, «Don’t you know that you are the temple of God, and the Spirit of God dwells in you». Dwells in you. He says it in chapter three. And then, he reiterates it in chapter six in case you miss it the first time. He said, «Don’t you realize your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God». I’m wanna give you three paradigm shifts. The first two kinda fast, the third I’m gonna spend a little time on. But the first paradigm shift when you come into relationship with Jesus is that I do things with God instead of for God. That you are the temple. That the Spirit of God lives in you.
So, a Jesus centered life is not you taking other things out of the center and putting him in the center and running laps and orbiting him. It’s that he lives at the center of you. He is inside of you. So, everywhere you go and everything you do isn’t to try to earn his happiness for you or, get him off your back, or get him on your side. So, he’s not on your side, he’s inside. He’s inside of you. And so, the first paradigm shift is that, that we don’t do things for him. You can burnout doing things for him. It’s with God, with God, with God. It’s in him we live, move, and have our being, but it’s in us, he lives, moves and has his being. It’s in us.
So, paradigm shift number one is, I do things with God, instead of for God. The second is that the real me is righteous and holy. When he lives inside of me and is at the core of me, is at the center of me, he’s transformed me into his likeness and his image. Paul says in Ephesians 4:24, he says, «Put on your new nature, created to be like God, truly righteous and holy». That what’s inside of you at the core of you has been redeemed, has been purified. Galatians 2:20 says, «For my old self was crucified with Christ. It’s no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. I’m born again, I’m new».
Listen, if you were to commit a crime, and become a criminal, and become incarcerated and put behind bars, the crime led to now my identity as a criminal. But if you were behind those bars and you had a transformational experience, you got in your right mind, you got clean, you got help, you saw the light, you meet Jesus, you’re new. You might still be behind bars, but you’re not a criminal anymore. So, at some point you gotta stop thinking of yourself as a criminal. «I am not a criminal. I did a crime one time. That wasn’t me. The real me is truly righteous and holy because someday they’re gonna open up those bars». God willing, they open up those bars you go walking out, you can’t still think you’re a criminal. If I still think like a criminal, I’ll go act like a criminal.
So, I learned a couple things. Number one, I’m not a criminal. I did a crime one time. I’m not a criminal. But number two, you’re also wise enough and have enough respect for your flesh to know what your flesh is capable of. I already proved it, and I don’t wanna prove it again. So, I know that I still have to contend with my flesh. So, if I go back to the same behaviors, and I go back to the same people, and I go back to the same environments, I can fall right back into the same behaviors because my flesh is still here. And so, Paul says, «I’ve been crucified with Christ it’s no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The center of me is truly righteous and holy». He said, «But I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me».
I still have to contend with this body. But he said, I do it by trusting at what’s at the center of me. At some point in your life, you’re going to have to stop thinking of yourself as tainted, ugly, dirty on the inside. You’re gonna have to change the way you think about that. And I think churches sometimes confuse folks 'Cause they walk out going, you know, «I don’t know, man if I’m God’s masterpiece or if I’m disgusting. I don’t know if I’m made in the image of God, okay. Am I fearfully and wonderfully made, or am I just a sinful, you know, nasty person? Who am I»?
And what you have to believe, the truest thing about you, the deepest part of you has been touched by the power of the Holy Spirit, and has been transformed. And you don’t need something that’s outside of you. It’s something that’s inside of you that ultimately needs to control your life. And paradigm shift number three, which then is, okay, so how do we contend with our flesh? I don’t earn God’s favor through legalism, but living free requires discipline. I don’t earn God’s favor through legalism. Legalism would be if I do all the right things and I do it better than I did. The more good I am, the more I behave right, the happier God is that I can earn, no, you paid a debt you did not owe. It’s by grace you’ve been saved through faith. It’s not of yourselves, it’s not by works, no one can boast. I could go on, and on, and on. But in order for me to keep my flesh under wraps and under control, I do have to exercise and introduce discipline into my life.
So, let’s go back to the thoughts about self. What’s the difference between self-care, self-indulge? Well, you have to start with the fact that you are a bundle of appetites. And within your appetites you have opportunities for fulfillment, for pleasure, and to have needs met. So, if you’re doing something, like, if you don’t get your needs met, you’re gonna burn out. So, it’s not selfless to just never think about your needs and to never have your needs met and to just give out. That is a recipe for disaster. You know, the ecosystem’s circular, the water goes up, evaporates, comes down. We gotta keep replenishing energy.
So, if all you do is give out, you know, your biology’s trained for that, right? You go run a marathon and what’s going on in your biology and your brain is like, how long are we gonna do this? So, your brain’s going, «How long are you gonna do this? 'Cause we’re burning calories right now and we only have so many». And if you don’t start putting that gel stuff in your mouth or you don’t stop and get a drink and do this, your body’s going, «Hold on to these calories». 'Cause we know, God made it so awesome, your body’s so awesome that if you burn up, and you don’t replenish, you’re gonna die.
So, it’s gonna hold on to calories, it’s gonna hold on to energy to try to survive. And so, my friend was sort of doing that emotionally. He’s like, «You know, if I just keep doing this, I’mma run outta calories and be dead on the side of the road. Is this gonna work»? Self-care is about making sure that your needs are met. It’s okay to have your emotional needs, your physical needs, your spiritual needs, have these things met. But at some point, okay, I can’t tell you where’s that line, you gotta sit in that tension. You gotta think about that and you gotta pray about that. And you’ve gotta evaluate that because within our appetites, God has made our appetites to, in many ways, bring us some of the greatest fulfillment that we have.
Let’s run through a few of 'em real quick. One, first appetite comes to mind, food. Food’s great. I mean, food gives you an acute sense of being full. It’s a good feeling. You ever, you know, you eat, you get full. You’re like, «Oh, that’s, I feel good». You ever get like that, man? Like, that’s good, God made it that way. Also, God gave you taste buds. What an idea. That was brilliant, brilliant. Good job, God. Taste buds, like he wanted you to taste that food like, «Oh, that’s good». And to feel full. Of course, we know, like, there’s a line. You’re about to mess it up at thanksgiving, you’re gonna overdo it. You sit there like, it’s like miserable, right? But this is how appetites work. You go to sleep, you wake up and you’re like, «Oh, let’s go back in. You know, let’s go back in». Why? 'Cause it filled for a minute, but it’s never fully and finally satisfied.
It’s gonna need some more pretty soon. But you know as well as I do, you don’t respect that appetite, you don’t feed it right. It can get massive and then you gotta do more just to feel normal. And it gets outta control and it can dominate your life. Create impulsive behaviors, you can’t stop thinking about it and you have no self-control around it. Keep going down the line. Sex would be another one, created by God, climactic experience designed around intimacy and unity. And when it’s done God’s way, it’s done in moderation in the right way in a fully committed marriage, till death do us part. So, like, even when I find out the not so good things about you, I’m not gonna leave you.
And so, I do, it’s safety, it’s pleasure, it’s beautiful. It’s brought to, okay, God’s created it that way. And then, and then he, you know, that appetite’s replenished. And so, you’ve never had an orgasm so good that you’re like, «I never need another one». You know, you just like, pretty soon it’s like, you know, «Hey, let’s try that again». You know, God made it just so you could keep having this experience and it’s part of procreation. It’s just a really cool thing. But if you introduce unhealthy things in there, that appetite can rob you. I’m talking about jack you up bad, your entire life revolves around it. It can create so much pain, so much dysfunction, so much captivity. It’s an appetite, it can be great or can be terrible.
Let’s keep going. Power. Power’s not bad, power’s good. It’s good to be able to pay for some stuff. It’s good to be able to accomplish some stuff. It’s good to be able to fix some stuff. It’s good to be able to go in and to use your power for good like that. Being powerful is a good feeling, that’s not a bad feeling. But if it gets outta control, if that appetite takes over, if it’s unhealthy, power can rob from you. It’s just never enough, I gotta have more power, more power. It dominates every single thing you do. Another one, success. Success is good. Success is so good, succeeding. You get the team together. Everybody’s got their role and their job, and we have our key performance indicators, and we have our goal, and our deadline, and our budget. And we got it done and we got it on time under budget.
Come on, baby, we did it. We hit the goal, we’re high five, that’s a good feeling, man. Enjoy it. Supposed to enjoy it. You did good work with good people, and we did our job and we got it done. Praise the Lord. That’s pleasurable, that’s fulfilling. You’re supposed to feel that fulfillment. Of course, the success appetite, if it gets outta control, can absolutely rob you blind 'Cause there’s never enough success. In fact, you can’t even enjoy the deal you made, 'Cause you always need another deal. They’re never big enough, it’s never enough. It’s a monster in your life if it’s not put in the right context.
«Greg, what does this have to do with listening to myself»? It has everything to do with listening to yourself because here’s the deal, you got voices going on inside your head. You are a bundle of appetites. Paul says, «Even though the truest, deepest thing about you is truly righteous and holy, you still have to contend with flesh». And your flesh is a bundle of appetites. They can either be really fulfilling in moderation, or can get so big that they dominate your life. And when they get big, they get loud, loud. And if the appetites and flesh get loud enough, I can’t even hear myself think. I can’t even hear myself think, my brain is so noisy, I feel these compulsions.
And by the way, when my appetites and your appetites get bigger than they should because I introduce, whether it’s sin or in some way unhealth, or maybe there was trauma that you didn’t ask for, but in some way there is an unhealthy thing going on. Those appetites get big, they steal your voice and start talking to you in your voice. And by the way, when they get big enough, you’re the easiest sell ever. You are so easy to sell, why? Because I’m compelled. It’s a compulsion. I want it so bad, I need it. 'Cause now, I don’t know the difference between indulgence and need, 'Cause what I think is a need is an overblown appetite. And now, I need more, and more, and more just to feel normal. And when the buzz wears off, I feel weird.
And so, I gotta feed, feed, feed, and I’m confused about my own needs. Paul talks about this, same dude that talked about the other stuff, talks about this. He says in Romans 8, 5, and 6, «Those who live according to the flesh,» okay. Flesh, bundle of appetites, flesh, my flesh. He said, «They have their minds on what the flesh desires». Those fleshly desires. What they perceive to be needs, but the needs have gotten so big. He said, «That’s what you think about all the time». He said, «Those who live in accordance with the spirit have their mind set on what the spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace». He said, «I say,» in Galatians 5:16–19, he says, «I say, walk by the spirit and you’ll not gratify the desires of your flesh».
Another way to say that in verse 16 is, «If you keep feeding, and overfeeding, and introducing unhealthy appetite, if that appetite gets too big, it will make you think that an overindulged appetite’s actually just a need. 'Cause it needs so much to maintain and it’s trying to get bigger». So, he said, «Man, if you fall into that, it will ultimately lead to death». He said, «But if you walk by the spirit, you’ll keep those fleshly appetites and your flesh in check, for the flesh desires what’s contrary to the spirit, and the spirit contrary to the flesh. And they’re in conflict with each other so that you’re not to do whatever you want». In the NLT it says, «If you let the flesh and the spirit, right, the deepest, truest part of you is in conflict with your flesh and your appetite». It said, «And if you let the one get louder, you won’t be free to carry out your good intentions,» it says in the NLT.
So, in other words, the deepest part of you has really good intentions. If you aren’t wise, and sober, and disciplined around your flesh, it will be so loud you won’t be able to hear that. But if you’re led by the spirit, you’re not under the law, the acts of the flesh are obvious. And then, he goes into talking a about appetites. So, if you over-indulge or introduce sin to your flesh, it gets so big it drowns out the real you. What’s the answer? When we’re trying to hear the right voice, if I have noise around appetites that have gotten big and loud for, we just talked about a few, there’s more, okay. There’s so, okay, «Yeah, Lord, but what». I’m just trying to give you something to pray about, for the Lord to speak to you about 'Cause yours might not fall into these categories.
But let’s just say I had something about attention, or success, or power, or sex, or food, or whatever. Those appetites being so loud, I gotta turn that down so that I can hear. This is where we talk about discipline being a part of my freedom. Because what discipline, think of something like fasting, fasting. Fasting has a lot of purposes attached to it, but one of the purposes of fasting is you would introduce that in an appetite that you really are having a hard time controlling, and your lack of control, it’s getting loud and it’s over talking in your mind. It’s too loud.
So, even by taking that and bringing it back by saying, no and not indulging there, you’re bringing that appetite, the volume down. And now, the spirit that’s been trying to get a word in edgewise, you turn the TV down all of a sudden, now, I can hear it clear as day what God’s trying to say to me, okay? We don’t fast because God’s like, «You know, my favorite kids are the ones who fast, you know. They’re like my favorite ones». This isn’t that? This is, I’m doing this, «I wanna hear God’s voice better and I got too much noise in my head. So, you know, I’m gonna», what are you gonna fast? Good question. Which appetite is outta control? Which one?
If you be honest, let the Holy Spirit bring Revelation to your mind right now. Which one has become a compulsion? Which one did you not let go of? Which one? Okay, I read this article the other day, it says, «The average person touches their cell phone 2,000 times a day». I’m right there with you. I mean, honestly there’s, I’m like, okay. We can’t be bored for two seconds, we’re like… compulsion, you know, honestly, and I’m not trying to get weird, but it might be interesting if you shut that mug off for about two weeks, you might find you feel a lot less, that start to get under control. You start to cut things off. So, I’m not here to get all legalistic. Everybody shows up next week, nobody’s got a smartphone, you know, it’s like, «I ain’t going to that church, you know, I’ll tell you what»?
I’m not trying to get legalistic with you. What I’m trying to do is give you a place to look. «Lord, show me, what’s the thing that’s outta control»? I’m on this too much. There’s a place in scripture where Paul’s talking, and he actually talks about food and he’s talking about it literally, but a bit metaphorically 'Cause he says this, he says, «Don’t be mastered by anything». And then, he said, «Will you say, well, food is made for the stomach and the stomach for food and God’ll destroy both». Basically, what he’s saying is, «They’re saying, well, it’s just food, who cares? It’s no big deal. It’s just food». And he’s like, «But no, don’t be mastered by anything».
And then, he starts to talk about other things. And so, you just look at it like, it might be something around attention, power, success, sex, food, something, I don’t know. Maybe it’s something totally different. Let the Lord speak to you and to go in there. Paul says this later on, in around that same conversation, 1 Corinthians 9:27, he said, «I disciplined my body like an athlete training it to do what it should, otherwise I fear that after preaching to others, I myself might be disqualified». In a different translation, he said, «I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave,» he says. «I strike a blow to my body,» 'Cause Paul knew that the flesh is no joke.
You’ve gotta be sober about your flesh, and you gotta know where your weaknesses are. And you gotta know where you’re prone to an appetite, that over indulged will have needs that dominate your life. And he said, here’s the sad thing that could happen. He was sober about the fact that he said this could happen. «I could, in helping everybody else have a blind spot of something that creeps up on me and dominates my life. And so, I have no freedom and I can’t tell the difference of the voices». And so, he said, «What do I do»? He said, «I take my training, my body, my appetites, I take 'em as seriously as an athlete would because I wanna have them under control».