Greg Ford - Learning Forgiveness
Hi, my name is Greg ford. I'm the lead pastor at One Church in Columbus, Ohio, and this is the "Power of One". Today, what I want to talk to you about is how do we learn how to forgive? I've gotta be honest and tell you, I am not the best forgiver. Okay? It's very easy for me to talk to you about how you should forgive somebody else, and I'm actually glad to talk to somebody else about how they should forgive you. But if you've hurt me or you've hurt somebody I care about, I'm pretty natural at holding grudges. I can tell you throughout the course of my life, I haven't mastered this by any means, but I've gotten better at it. And as I've gotten better at forgiveness, I've seen this had a massive impact on my quality of life, on my heart condition, on my maturity as a whole. So, today I want to take you into Luke 6. We're gonna look at a scripture where Jesus says, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you". It's like, "What? How in the world am I gonna do that"? Well, it's tough, but let's learn together and let's listen to Jesus. Let's get into his word.
I'm gonna operate under the assumption that everyone in this room realizes that forgiveness is a good thing and something we should all do. Okay? Like, like if you think holding onto bitterness is a good idea, okay, like I'm talking rationally, if you think that's the move, Google forgiveness Bible verses, and you'll just get plenty in your arsenal to tell you that forgiving is a really good idea. And a lot of times you hear a sermon on forgiveness in a church, and the entire sermon becomes about telling you that you ought to forgive. And so, you walk out going, "Yeah, I know I ought to forgive, I just don't know how to do it".
So, what I'm gonna do today is, I'm gonna spend the lion share of my time talking about how to forgive, how do I actually do this thing that's so important. And then at the end, I'm gonna talk about how we know if we're actually forgiving, if we're even trying to forgive. How would I know if I'm accomplishing it? I wanna start with this concept, the concept of healing. So, if we start with the concept of healing, starts with something is broken, and something's broken. And once it's broken, then I start healing. And if it's really broken, and it's really painful, and it hurts really, really bad, it might take a long time, okay?
So healing has a timeline, and it takes a very long time for me to finally go through the process of rehabilitation and getting help, and doing the healthy right things long enough that eventually I can change the suffix to healed. Forgiveness, I found to be the same way, okay. You're broken, you're attacked. Somebody gives you a good reason to hold a grudge. And so, you want to hold that grudge. And I realize if you decide, "Yes, I'm going to forgive". You start forgiving. But depending on how bad the brokenness and how much the attack or the offense, sometimes it takes a long time for me to change the suffix to forgiven. How do we take that journey? I'm gonna start with the words of Jesus.
This is in Luke 6: 27, 28. Jesus says, "But to those of you who will listen, I say: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you". I think it's worth noting that when you read the words of Jesus, you see the things Jesus did, sometimes it's easy to chalk it up to just, "Well, that's just Jesus being Jesus". You know? "I mean, he's Jesus for goodness sake, right? I mean, he's Jesus. I'm not supposed to do that. I mean, that's Jesus. I mean, he's just a pretty high bar. He's Jesus". You know, I use it as an excuse. Sometimes my wife will be like, "Hey, when are you gonna start doing this"? I'm like, "You know, I'm not Jesus". Okay.
And so sometimes we go, and certainly, we should have Jesus on a pedestal, and certainly he's the name above all names, and certainly, okay, all of that. But you gotta understand there's a difference between things Jesus did that he does not expect you to do, versus things Jesus did that he taught us and told us to do. In other words, there's no doctrine about what you ought to do when you walk on water. That was Jesus being Jesus, okay? There's not, "Hey, whenever you turn five loaves and two fish into 5,000," whatever, "Hey, this is what you ought do".
There's no doctrine around that. There's no teaching, Jesus wasn't teaching that, 'cause he wasn't expecting you to do that. But when he says stuff about, like, when he says stuff about, "Bless those who curse you, and love your enemies, and do good to those who hate you, and pray for those, pray for those who hurt you". This isn't just Jesus being Jesus. This is a teaching and an expectation of what he wants us to do. Have you ever tried to pray for someone who you don't like, or pray for an enemy, or pray for someone who wounded you? Like, anybody tried to do that? One person, two, thank you. I see that hand. Yeah, I've tried, it's weird. What do you even pray?
"Lord, help Johnny Scumbag. I don't know. Lord, you see Suzy gossip face. You know the dirt in her heart. Lord, I don't know God". This isn't just Jesus being Jesus, he's telling us to do it. But then he shows us how to do it. In Luke 6, he tells us to do it. In Luke 23:34, "Jesus said, 'father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing'. And the soldiers gambled for his clothing by throwing dice". "Father, forgive them". Father, forgive them was Jesus praying for people who were doing him dirty, praying for people who were hurting him. He is living the example of Luke 6, "Father, forgive them". But then the second part of this is who, which is he says, "They don't know what they're doing".
In other words, Jesus saw something in them that you couldn't see on the surface. Have you ever heard the term, seeing is believing. Well, we know scripturally, we know spiritually that faith, there's a component of faith that is the evidence of things not seen. So, there are some things you've gotta see, perceive, believe that you don't see. But one of the ways, actually, to change a belief is when you see something new, you see something different. Like, if you were to sit down, I would encourage you to do this, sit with this thought, get quiet with it, think back on things that you used to believe that you don't believe anymore.
Paradigm shifts in your life. New beliefs, new thought. It probably goes back, if you track it back, it comes back to you seeing something different. You believed this thing about these people, or you believed this thing about this topic, and you believed it for a long time, and then you saw something different, and that new sight caused you to think different, which caused you to believe different. If you're going to be able to forgive somebody, you're gonna start forgiving and get to forgiven, if you're gonna forgive somebody that you've not been able to forgive, it's going to happen because you're able to see something you've never been able to see.
If you haven't been able to forgive them, you won't do it by doing the same thing you're doing now. It actually happens by seeing something you've never seen before. And this is where we have, when Jesus says, "Forgive them father," he prays for his enemy. But then he says, "For they don't know what they do". "Well, what do you mean they don't know what they do"? Well, who's he talking about? Well, first he's talking about these Roman soldiers who are killing him. "Well, what do you mean they don't know what they do? They know what they were doing".
If you look in the well documented story of the crucifixion in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, you'll see it gives detailed. Crucifixion was more than capital punishment, it was humiliation, it was supposed to be a crime deterrent, okay. Somebody who was gonna try to go rogue against Rome, "We're gonna put you on blast, we're gonna humiliate you, and we're gonna make an example of you". See, here's what they did. They beat him within an inch of his life, they open his body up with whips, to the point that you can see his organs and his bones, and he's on the verge of death. So, they make him look as feeble and as humiliated as possible. And then they begin to mock him. "Hey, put a robe on him now".
So, he's bleeding out, "Put a robe on him". They give him a scepter. This is public. Give him a scepter. Beat him with the scepter and then give it to him. Take a crown, "Oh, here's the king, we're gonna crown him, guys. Everybody ready"? Put a crown of thorns on him, blood running down his face. They pull his beard out with their hands. Okay? And anybody that knows that to a Jewish man, a beard was part of his culture. So, they're pulling his beard out by hand, okay? Rome, who has the Jews and the nation of Israel under their, "You ain't gonna come get us, pull the beard out". And then they start saying, "Hail the king. Hail the king. Hail. Hey, what's up king? What's up? Where's your queen at, king? Hey, hey, hey, Bobby, king needs a court jester. Come on, king. You're king, right"?
That was the accusation. He said, "I'm king of the Jews". "You king of the Jews, yeah? Say it with your chest now, Jesus". Mocking him. "Forgive them, father, they don't know what they do". What are you talking about they don't know what they do? They know what they're doing. They pulled your beard out, it wasn't an accident. The cat of nine tales was not an accident. What do you mean they don't know what they're doing? If you're gonna forgive somebody who's really hard to forgive, who shows no remorse, you're gonna have to see something you've never seen before. Jesus looks and goes, "They don't know. That mean, they know what they're doing, but they don't know what they're doing. They know, but they don't know".
And so, Jesus in real time is going, "He doesn't know what he's doing. He thinks he's doing his job. He thinks he's doing the right thing. It's convoluted and chaotic. And in a sense, he's operating in blindness. Forgive him, father, he doesn't know what he's doing". Peter is well known mostly for denying Jesus. So, "Forgive them father, for they know what not what they do," was the Romans, and it was probably Peter too. Which, you know, if you've ever had a friend like a ride or die, it's one thing, these Romans who don't understand us and will pluck our beards out, but when you got your buddy who you've been there, done that with, and then he denies you.
But if you think of the totality of the relationship of Jesus and Peter, you see back in Matthew 16 when Jesus goes, you know, "Here's what's gonna happen. We're go to Jerusalem and the chief priest and the religious leaders and all these people, they're gonna do terrible things in me". He goes, "And in fact, I'm gonna be put to death". And Peter in Matthew 16 goes, "Heaven forbid, no, no". Peter goes into this diatribe that you and I would go into if a friend of ours who we loved and care about had started going negative. "It's gonna be the end of me". They went into, you know what I'm saying, doomsday stuff. You would be like, "Nah, don't say that. No, no. That's not you. That's not us. Not here. Not now. Don't speak that out. Don't believe that. Good things are gonna happen".
Okay, that's what Peter goes into. And Jesus says, "Get behind me, satan. You're a temptation to me". Why? Because Peter, in trying to do good for Jesus, was trying to get Jesus to circumvent the cross, which is what satan tried to tempt him to do all the way back in the wilderness. So, he is like, "Look, I mean, my flesh doesn't wanna do it anymore than you". That's why Jesus goes to Gethsemane and he's like, "God, you gotta plan b? Father, anything to circumvent the cross"? But his flesh was weak. So, he's like, "Get behind me, satan".
But Peter meant it because in John 18, he grabs a sword and cuts a man's ear off. He put his sword where his mouth was. He loved his friend. Yet, in a moment of weakness, he denies him three times. "Forgive him, father, he doesn't know what he did". Oh, yeah, he did know what he did because he did it three times. Maybe the first time you didn't know, the second time you knew, the third time you definitely knew. And by the way, Jesus told you a few hours ago, "Before the rooster crow", he put a timeline on it. "Before the rooster crows, you're gonna do this three times".
So, you had a warning, you had a timeline. I don't know what else to tell you. He knew what he was doing, but he didn't know what he was doing. But he knew what he was doing, but he didn't really know what he was doing. "Father, forgive him". This isn't a Scumbag, this isn't a bad guy, this is guy having a moment of weakness. This is, "Forgive him, he doesn't know what he does". When I see something new, I think a new thought. When I think a new thought, I deepen my understanding. And it's within that deepened understanding that I'm now able to do things I wasn't able to do with the old thoughts.
And so, it all came through sight. It came through seeing something different. I'll tell you why I don't like this message. I don't like this message because I'm a bit afraid to forgive, too quickly. Like for me, it's like, if Greg ford gets known as the guy who just forgives quick, "Well, that Greg, man, he's such a good guy, you know. You jab him and he'll just forgive you, you know? I mean, he just turns the other cheek like, nobody I've ever seen. This guy is such a quick forgiver. What a guy". There's a part of me that's like, "I don't know if I want that reputation".
You think you can treat me any kind of way? I want you to look both ways before you cross me. Watch how you handle me, okay? People come in hot at people they think won't hit back. Being a quick forgiver, I don't know, man. There's some of this stuff you gotta really think about, you know. It's like, "That Greg ford, you know, he is really long suffering". It's like, I don't know if I want that going around. You ever wanted to pick and choose some of the Fruit of the Spirit? Patience. Like, "Oh, my boss is just so patient. I don't know, if I'm a boss, I don't know if I want that reputation". "Get your junk done on time. I'll be very patient as long as you get it done by the deadline".
Oh, we ain't got no bosses in the house. Okay, I understand. I guess I'm feeling y'all out. He's just so long suff... I don't know if I want that. Because then people think they can just handle you. And there's a part of me that feels that if I'll just, if I'll be bit bitter and if I'll be angry, and if I'll make you kind of scared of me, and if I hang on and be fueled by a little bit of a hatred, a little bit of resentment, and that I'll be safer. But to believe that bitterness makes you safer is to believe a dangerous lie. Very easy one to buy. I bought it.
And from Jesus, what we have is not just a teacher, but an example of what it would be like to be a human being in flesh, dealing with offense, and brokenness, and attack, and to not retaliate or to not take the pill of bitterness. And Jesus in his wisdom, understood, my flesh is prone to weakness. "Take this cup from me, but not my will, but your will be done. I don't want to do this anymore than you do". He knew that his flesh was prone to all the things flesh is prone to. And because of that, he wouldn't let a second of bitterness hit. Why? Immediate forgiveness. "Father, forgive them". Father, forgive them. He's proving to us that even though you are attacked, even though you are wounded, you don't have to have an automatic sin filled, emotionally charged response.
And you don't have to let this thing come in and attach itself to you and to create roots of bitterness and resentment, and hatred and ultimately self-centeredness. And so Jesus, in his flesh, models this in real time for us in conjunction with Luke 6. This teaching that seems like, impossible, and yet he shows it in the heat of the battle. I want you to think about this. When Jesus was on the witness stand, he uttered not a word, but when he forgave, he did it out loud. "Jesus, who are you? Who are you? Are you the king of the Jews"? "Well, you've said I am". "Defend yourself. Who are you"?
And the answer to the question, who are you, didn't come on the witness stand. It came in Jesus attachment to his purpose, his focus on his purpose and his willingness to walk through that season and do whatever it took in that season to walk out his purpose. And then he answered the question from the witness stand on the cross when he said, "Father, forgive them. I'm the one who forgives. I'm the one who sees what others can't see". Jesus had a fierce focus on his purpose. Which in some seasons called for him to talk. He didn't talk on his way to the cross because that part of the season he was supposed to die. And he was supposed to forgive the unforgivable. But in other seasons, he did speak up to the pharisees and say, "You brood of vipers. You whitewashed tombs".
He did speak up to Peter later on when Peter denied him three times after having made the bold claim that even, "I love you more than them. And all of them will deny you, but not me". And Jesus, three times said, "Peter, do you love me more than them? Peter, do you love me more than them? Peter, do you love me more than them"? There was gonna be a time to talk, but there was a time to shut up. And all of it was connected to the focus of his mission, what he was called to do. But in the middle of all of that, Jesus teaches us that if you really want to live free, if you really want to live safe, if you want to be protected, it's not going to be through ingesting bitterness and unforgiveness and holding onto it, he shows it's in freedom that he's able to forgive.
And in so doing, he's able to remain free. How do I know if I've forgiven? Okay, 'cause I've taken the journey from trying to power up with bitterness to then like, "Okay, I'm gonna start forgiving". And then i, you know, I start on this path, you know, start on this path. And it's like, "Well, how will I know if I'm", it's like you got somebody who's like, ticked you off, or hurt you, or wounded you, or offended you or whatever. It's like, "How do I know if I've forgiven 'em? It's like, if I like 'em? It's like, well, I don't like 'em". Oh, y'a, nobody?
All the spiritual people come at 10, apparently. I mean, there's some people, it's like, "I'm trying, but I do not like this person. Don't send me a Christmas card. I don't want to know how your year went. Don't be sending me text messages, okay? I do the thing on social". It's like, make 'em hidden. Okay, I don't wanna be petty and unfriend, I just don't wanna see your stuff anymore, okay. Don't get classy on me, now. Don't get classy. You can make 'em disappear, okay. I don't wanna see your vacation, okay? I don't care how rare your steak was. I don't like this person, okay? I don't like them. So, have I not forgiven them? How will I know?
I got four things for you. These are things I've learned from my own experience, and in talking to friends who struggle with forgiveness about as much as I do. The first thing is the pain moment, the traumatic moment, the hurt becomes over time, it becomes more of a reference point than a pain point. If you'll take this journey, the intertwined journey of forgiving and healing, as I move toward this for forgiven, it will become more of a reference point than a pain point.
Now, some things are so painful that they may cause you some pain for the rest of your life. What I'm saying is, that will begin to shift if you'll walk in healing. And one of the indications is, hey, this is now, it's something I can talk about differently than I could five years ago. Five years ago, I'd talk about it, I cried every time. I'd shut it down every time. I get mad every time. But now it's like, it's more of a reference point. Over time it will become more of a reference point. You'll be able to talk about it, you'll be able to use it, you'll be able to reference it without it having the same sort of agony that it has now.
The second is revenge and retaliation are a non-issue or become a non-issue over time. Revenge and retaliation. Hey, revenge and retaliation are a normal triggered feeling when something like that's happened. In fact, it would be normal for you to plan to do that. It would be normal for you to think, "You know what, they did me like, I'll tell you what, I'mma get some money. When I get some money, I'mma get in the position, I'mma play the politics. I'm gonna get here. Oh, they've got me this time, but just, you just wait. Okay? I'mma work my, I'mma sneak in the back door, and I'mma find out, and I will get, I will have my day. Celebrate today 'cause I will have my day. And I've got..."
Okay, that's a normal response when you've been hurt, when you've been attacked, when you've been offended. And yet if you'll walk the process of forgiveness, even the desire to go get even, it starts to become a non-issue. Retaliation becomes a non-issue. So, you might go, "Well, you know, I'm moving in the right direction, you know. I used to want to kneecap 'em, now I just want to talk about 'em". Okay, okay, it's progress. It's progress, okay? We still have some work to do to change the suffix, but you're moving in the right direction.
Number three, let it go. I really don't care. It doesn't bother me anymore. Okay? Is if there's any discrepancy between what you're saying with that and how you're actually feeling inside, you're still in the process of forgiving. This one hits close to home 'cause there's some people who have offended me and ticked me off, and I don't like them. And when they come up, I go, "But I got, I got no problem with them. I let it go, man. I let it go a long time ago, man. I don't care about them, man. I'm not worried about them. I'll let them live that... Live and let live, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't, I mean, it doesn't bother me anymore. You know, I let it go. I've forgiven, man. Like, I took the high road. Doesn't bother me. No, no, man, they don't bother me at all. They're... I let it go. I let it go".
Okay. Still a little fire in your belly, my man. You still got a little emotion in there. If you're having to think about your poker face as you're saying, "They don't... I've let it go. I don't have a problem with them anymore". But you still got something in there and there's a little discrepancy between what's coming out here and what's actually happening here, then I'm still on a journey. I'm still on a journey, okay? And be patient with yourself because the timeline might be a long time, somebody that really hurt you, really offended you, really broke you down. The fourth is this, this one's tough. Can I accept the fact that God loves that person as much as he loves me? Or is that a triggering thought or concept all by itself? Just the thought, just the mention of God loves me and that person the same, that ticks me off.
Okay, that's gonna set me over the edge. Just the being triggered by that thought is letting me know, I'm on a journey here. I'm on a journey. I'm moving. We're not at for forgiven yet, we're forgiving and we're moving in the right direction. I give you this last thing. If you want to live well, well done, have a good life, you're gonna have to learn this lesson, as hard as it is. Take it from a guy who's not any good at it. I'm trying to go from being horrible at it, to pretty good at it. This is what I'm trying to get. And eventually I'll try to get great. But you, you know what I'm saying? You gotta take this journey. And Jesus expects us to do it, teaches us to do it. This isn't just Jesus being Jesus. He's trying to set you free too.
Thank you so much for joining today. Before you take off, I want to give you one last nugget to think about. You know, when we talk about forgiveness, often the most difficult person to forgive is yourself. Maybe you violated your own conscience. Maybe you did something you said you'd never do, or you didn't do something you promised you would always do. And what I've noticed is there is a huge correlation between my ability to forgive others and my ability to forgive myself. And if I can dig deep and find grace for other people, often that's the same path to finding grace for myself. And I want to encourage you with that. Let's find grace. "Forgive them, father, they don't know what they do. Forgive me, father, I didn't really know what I was doing". And to trust God's grace to show up for you every single time you need it. Thank you so much for joining. I'll see you next time.