Frankie Mazzapica - Dealing with Disappointment
All right, we’re going to talk about this topic: dealing with disappointment. If you’re new here, I’m only going to talk for about an hour and a half, maybe two hours, and I’ll get you guys out of here straight away. No, I don’t talk very long, and I’ll make this short, but I want you guys to hear it all the way. Dealing with disappointment, you know, I want to give a working definition for disappointment so we’re all on the same page. Disappointment is when a person or a situation doesn’t meet your expectations. You were hoping for more; you were expecting more, and this is what you get. That’s disappointment.
Now, what I love about God is that He knew all of us were going to experience this. He knew that this is one of those things where it doesn’t matter who you are, you’re going to experience it. And here’s something cool-maybe you’ve not heard me say this before. The common denominator that we all have in this room is that every single one of us is believing God for a miracle. We are all wishing that God would do something powerful in a particular area. Are you with me? Say yes. Say it again! Are you with me? Say yes.
Look at the person next to you and say, «This message is not for me; it’s for you.» Go ahead! I may not even-I shouldn’t have even come; it’s for you. Anyway, God knew that we were going to struggle with this. And so what He did is He made sure that there were certain moments in the lives of the people we know best, people like Moses, Abraham, Job, King David, the one who knocked down Goliath. What He did is He took snapshots out of their lives and made sure that they were in the Bible because we need to see that these giants of faith were so discouraged that they wanted to die.
I’m going to give you a couple of examples. The first one is from Job, where he says this: «Why did I not perish at birth and die as I came from the womb?» His life was going so badly that he asked God, «Why didn’t you just let me die? My life, I hate it. This is excruciating for me. I wish I would have just died.» This is one of the greatest men of God in the whole Bible. Let me give you a couple of other examples.
Psalms 143: «I am losing hope; I am paralyzed with fear.» Have any of you ever gone into a hard season thinking, «This is not going to last long; it’s going to pass; everything’s going to be fine,» and then all of a sudden it doesn’t pass? This is what he’s saying. But go to the next example. This is in Psalms 31:9: «Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress. My eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My strength fails me because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.» Let’s go to the next one: «Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my head, and I am worn out calling for help. My throat is parched; my eyes fail looking for God.»
I like this one because what he’s saying here is, «I started off praying to you about my situation, but now my faith is so low because my situation has not changed. I’m worn out; my eyes are failing. I can’t even look up anymore. I know I should look to you, but I can’t. I’m exhausted.» Nod at me if you know what I’m talking about. Let me show you another one: «My heart is blight.» How do you say that? Yeah, there you go; you got it. «And withered like grass. I forget to eat my food.»
Has anyone here been so depressed you can’t even eat? Are you with me? «In my distress, I groan aloud, and I am reduced to skin and bones.» You know, whenever I get sick, I always go to the guest room. I don’t want my wife to hear me groaning because I’m like a man with a cold. You know what I’m talking about? Women can get a cold, and they’ll just keep working. Men get a cold, and I just roll my face. I had a headache the other day, and I’m just lying in bed. But what he’s saying is, «All I do is just moan; all I do is just groan out loud.»
How bad are things in his life when he’s just lying there going, «Do I have one more?» I want to share if there was one more example. Or is that the last one? These are men of God. I have three major points for you, and then we’re going to be finished. The first one is how Satan uses disappointing moments as leverage to get into our lives and do whatever he wants. He takes it; this is his doorway. Whenever our expectations are not met, he’s like, «Okay, this is my moment to take charge of their mind and their life. This is my moment.»
Now, disappointment. Point number two is, it changes how we see things. It changes our perspective. And then point number three is going to be, how God is God enough. Is He enough? This is whenever-let me jump to point number one straight away-it’s how He gets leverage. What He does is, He expands and magnifies how you’re not making enough money. And if you’ve ever been broke, some of you know what it feels like to be broke. I know what it feels like to be broke. You’re never not thinking about it. It’s always on your mind.
Some of you who were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, and your first car was a BMW-fantastic for you! As for the rest of us, every time you buy something, you’re thinking about money. Every time, this is the disappointment creeping in when you expected your marriage to be different. You know, have you ever noticed when people start dating? «I love you.» «No, I love you.» «No, no, no, I love you.» «I, I love…» «No, I love you.» «No, I love you more.» «I love you more.» «No, I, I, I love you more than…» And then when they get on the phone and they’re dating, they don’t want to get off the phone. Right? They’re laying in bed, and they’re like, «You hang up first.» «No, you hang up first.» «How about we just go to sleep together?»
And then after you get married, you answer, «What? Hey, what’s going on?» It’s like this. And then all of a sudden, your expectations of getting married and what it was going to look like, all of a sudden, it starts dropping down. And the enemy comes in and says, «Okay, I got this disappointment sitting in you. Here I come.» And sometimes, the disappointment has nothing to do with something external; it has to do with you-how you see you. You don’t like who you are. There’s no, like, you can’t even really explain it.
«I don’t like what I see in the mirror.» And even if you do like what you see in the mirror, have you ever seen somebody who really likes what they see in the mirror? I had a friend of mine in high school. His hair was like Brad Pitt- like straw — and he would pull it up, and my hair was like hard. I put hairnet hairspray. Some of you don’t know what that is, but as you spray the hairspray, a cloud goes around your head, and you have to hold your breath. Then you can step out of the cloud, see it, and then you can grab your hair, and it cracks. Do you know what I’m talking about? Never mind.
Anyway, so my hair was hard as a helmet, and his hair was like straw. We were in the bathroom one time in high school, and he was grabbing his hair like this. He let it drop, looked at me, and said, «You wish you had my hair, don’t you?» He came to our church about two years ago and was like, «Hey, where’s Frankie? Where’s Frankie?» And I see him, and he’s bald, and I was like, «That’s what you get.» That has nothing to do with my sermon; I don’t even know how I’m going to find my way back. Oh yeah, self -image. Even if you like what you see in the mirror, you just don’t like who you’ve become.
And this is all disappointment trapped in your head. And so it’s trapped in your head. And it changes how you see things. This is the enemy who comes up, and a lot of times it happens, you don’t even know it’s happening. All of a sudden, your thoughts are so trapped in here that you can’t even see anything except for disappointment. When you look at a person, when you think about your life, when you think about your future, when you’re in a bad season, you think that season is going to last for the rest of your life. Are you with me? Say yes. This is a ploy of the enemy. This is how he gains leverage.
Can I tell you this? Never believe that a bad season or a bad chapter is the end of your story. When you look back over your life, we’ve all had bad chapters that almost killed us. Are you with me? Say yes. You cried; you couldn’t sleep. You were weak. You didn’t want to wake up in the morning. You couldn’t think about anything. It almost killed you. But that was a chapter. You thought it was going to last forever, but it was a chapter. Can we learn from that season? Yeah, I know this chapter feels unique. I know it feels different, probably because it is, but all seasons have an expiration date. And you are stronger today than you’ve ever been in your life. You’ve got more experience; your heart is more tender. You’ve got more in your life.
And how did that happen? Because you’ve seen God walk you through seasons. And you’ll get through this one, too. But don’t let disappointment consume you. Are you with me? Say yes. If he can get disappointment to consume you, you will resent your wife. You’ll be mad at your husband. And you know that the devil is behind it. Listen to this: It’s for someone because all you’re thinking about is how they’re not the person you thought they would be. And that’s when the enemy has leverage on you. When all you can think about is who you’re not. When all you can think about is how your life did not meet your expectations-you thought you would be different at this point in your life. Are you with me? Say yes. How does the… I kind of dipped into the second point, but there’s one part I want to emphasize. It changes your perspective.
I have a friend of mine who figured out how to fight disappointment in an awesome, godly way. And I came to him and I said, «How do you not walk around with disappointment?» He’s a pastor. But like, how do you not walk around in disappointment because your best friend has a massive church, like 12,000 people, and you started at the same time, and you’re nowhere close to that? And I’m like, «Don’t you feel like you’re failing somehow?» And I’m asking, «Hey, can we be honest?» And he says this, and the enemy hates him for this. He goes, " You know what, Frankie? I’m going to be honest with you. Do I wish I was a better leader? Of course. Do I? Yeah, I wish. But here’s the thing.»
He goes, «God’s been better to me than what I deserve. I’ve got a wonderful family. I’m happily married. I mean, we have rough patches just like everyone else, but I’m happily married. I love my kids, and my kids love me. Nobody in my family is in the hospital. I really like the house that I’m living in. I’m a good dad. I love being… and he goes, I don’t deserve any of this. I’ve got a lot of sin in my past; I don’t deserve any of this.»
And this disappointment cannot consume him because he’s too busy looking at where he is crushing it and where he is blessed. Let me ask you a question: Where in your life are you absolutely crushing it? Like, you’re not trying to brag, but you’re good. Like, some of you ladies in here, you’re a phenomenal mom. You’re not going to brag about it, but you know it. Some of you gentlemen in here, you’re the best dad there is. You’re good. Some of you — let me tell you a secret about my thoughts on being married.
So, we’ve been married for 24 years; it’s pretty awesome. She’s pretty awesome. That’s pretty cool. That’s a good time to just clap, just’cause. But my mindset on being a husband — this sounds demented, but you’ll get the point — is if I were to die today, like if a train hits me, like, you know, the crossing gates go down, and I’m like, «I can make it!» Bam! Boom! I slam dead. Dead. And so my wife better cry. Oh my God! You know, you can pay people. This is true. You can look it up. You can pay mourners to come to your funeral and cry. I’ve already invested in it.
And so I got someone that’s going to call them. There are going to be like 50 people that say, «Oh my God, you’re such a wonderful person. Mark was my Frankie. Frankie was just a wonderful person.» But my thought process is this: Most likely my wife will get remarried. But my motivation as a husband is it doesn’t matter who she marries; he will never be as good as me. She’s going to live her life and go, «Oh my gosh, you are so not Frankie.» And I got that in my head. I know it’s demented. A train could hit me, but I leave these sticky notes all over the house: «I love you,» «I’m so happy to be married to you,» «You’re wonderful,» «You’re beautiful.»
People who come to my house, they know what I’m talking about. You guys have been to my house. You guys see the stickies. If a train hits me, she’s going to walk around saying, «You haven’t left me a sticky note all week long! You blah blah blah blah.» It’s just like I can back up and go, " Look, I’m not trying to brag, but I’m a really good husband.» It’s kind of like I’m not trying to brag about this either, but I would be a professional basketball player right now if I were better-just letting you know. But where are you crushing it? Like, where are you awesome? I was playing golf with a friend of mine, and I said, «You know what I love about you? When I’m with you, you make me feel like I’m your best friend in the world.»
But I know that you have 10 other Frankies, and all 10 of those guys feel like they’re your best friend. All of us think that we’re number one. And I said, «But you’re gifted in that. All you do is walk around making people feel like they’re awesome.» Now, he’s like me, and he’s like you; he’s got troubles just like all of us. But where is he crushing it? He makes people feel awesome, which is a big deal. Have you ever met somebody who-let’s be honest- they’re just jerks? You don’t even know how to say it. It’s like, «I don’t like being around that person. I don’t like their face.» My mother-in-law, the one who raised me, you know, to learn how to do ministry, used to look at me and say, «Frankie, change your face. I don’t like your face.»
There are people like that. And then there are some of you where you’re crushing it; people love being around you. And you’re not trying to brag, but you know it. You know it. And there’s some of you — listen to this; I didn’t say this in the first service, so this is for somebody in this room-you bounce back in life where other people drown. Like, you’re just one of those people that when you went through the season that almost killed you, there are people that are still in that season — a very similar season as you — and they’re still there, and years have gone by.
But you, you are just so determined, so strong that you bounce back. In fact, you’re like a basketball that you hold underwater, and when that season is over, you don’t stay underwater like some people; you’re actually further along than you were before you went into the season. That’s because you’re awesome. You deserve a clap for yourself. Just like you -you’re awesome. What the enemy wants to do is he wants to swallow you up with emotion, and you get stuck in it, and then you open up.
Have you ever seen somebody’s face, and you’re like, «Don’t laugh because it’s going to break»? You haven’t laughed in so long; you’re just like this. I went to a restaurant last night, a Mexican restaurant, and I saw this couple walk in. I’m like, they look like they’ve been married for a while, and they’re going to sit down. I’m like, neither one of you guys are going to enjoy each other’s company tonight because both of you just look like you hate the world. Have you ever looked at somebody that walked in? They’re sitting in a restaurant together, and then I thought, if I were to take one of you guys and take you off the table and put somebody else at the table, you’re not going to like being with them either. That’s just who you are; you’re just like this all the time.
And these are the moments you’ve got to remember. All of us get disappointed; all of us get disappointed. But when it changes everything, you don’t even like who you are anymore. That’s the enemy saying, «Gotcha.» Now, let me ask you a question -it’s my third and final point. If you were not good at anything in every single area of your life, and every area did not meet your expectations, but your relationship with God is so unique that you can walk into an empty bedroom, shut the door behind you, close your eyes, and when you talk to Him, His presence is so real that you know if you open your eyes, you think you would see Him.
Let me illustrate this point: everyone, close your eyes just for a minute. Don’t open them until I tell you. Now you can’t see anybody around you, but you can kind of know that you’re not the only one in this room. Now, granted, you just saw everybody in the room; I get it. But there’s this sense of knowing that you’re not alone in the room. Now you can open your eyes. What would be enough for you? Listen to me. Would it be enough for you? Could you simmer your disappointment if you were one of the few on the planet that could walk into a room, close the door behind you, and feel the presence of God? What if you were a person who had so much joy in them that when you laughed, you could hardly stop? Does anyone have a friend like that?
When they laugh, they can hardly breathe; they just laugh. And when you look at them laugh, you wish you could laugh like that, but you can’t. So you laugh like this. You wish you could laugh like that. Then they’re laughing, and they’re laughing, and they can’t stop laughing. And the people in my life that laugh like that, I can’t think of one of them that’s rich. Can you think of a rich person that laughs like that? If you’re rich, just start laughing real loud so we can watch you. But there’s a gift that they have in them that allows them to break out of whatever’s disappointing in their life. And they have these moments where there’s so much joy that they’re laughing.
When was the last time you laughed like that? I’m telling you, it drives me crazy to be around people where it’s always serious-always! It’s always serious, and I’m like, this is boring. I want to just-let’s have fun! I want to have fun! Everybody’s going to have problems; everybody’s going to be disappointed. But I want my life to-I want to laugh. Like, have you ever laughed to the point where you can’t breathe, where somebody’s making you laugh and you’re like, «Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop it!»? What if there were disappointments in your life, and those things couldn’t change, but you had that gift to just, oh my God, just overwhelming joy?
Some of you who haven’t laughed in a long time remember when you could laugh, and now this is how you laugh. That’s funny. Well, if it’s funny, laugh. If it’s funny-like, or here’s another way people laugh-would it be enough? Could you live your life? Callie said something. I know you don’t know her, but she’s in the front row. She was talking about somebody, and, oh, were you talking about your dad? I think you were talking about your dad. Here’s your dad. But you said he’s just really good at living life. Do you remember saying that? Was it your dad? Definitely wasn’t me, but maybe it wasn’t. Do you remember who you were talking about? Who? Matt? Matt who? Matt Warren. She meant her dad, too. You got thrown in there. And I looked at her and I was like, I’ve never heard that phrase, «good at living life.»
Have you ever heard that? And like, you know, Matt’s a friend of mine, and we counsel each other. I’m going through this, you’re going through that. I’m going through this. His problems seem like rubbish to me compared to my problems; my problems seem like rubbish to him compared to his. We go back and forth, and then all of a sudden, she says, «He’s good at living life.» And I was like, «How so?» Well, he’s just really good at making people feel special and seems like he can get through problems. I was like, «That’s good at living life.» Wouldn’t it be awesome to shut the door, experience His presence, be able to get through stuff without stuff changing you, to be able to laugh? These are things that only God can give you. Only God can give you that.
The next time disappointment begins to control your thoughts, back up and think about where you are crushing it. And wherever you’re crushing it, look to the Lord and say, «Thank you for this. Thank you for that. Thank you for this. Thank you for that. Thank you for this.» All of a sudden, appreciation, joy, and praise begin to smother out disappointment. And then you become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Are you with me? But all of that, you don’t get any of that; it doesn’t, it unless you’re praying, «Thank you, I love you.» Then you don’t get to be close to Him, you don’t get joy, and you don’t get to be a source of strength unless you’re praying.
And so, my challenge to you goes back to this sticker: just don’t stop praying. Let’s all stand to our feet. I’d like our prayer partners to come down, if they would. Sometimes you just need someone to pray for you. I got a text message from somebody the other day, and all it said was, «I’m praying for you.» That’s all it said. And I was like, «Oh, thank you, Jesus.» Sometimes you just need someone to pray for you. And for some of you, that’s today. If you’re in this room and you feel like, «Frankie, if my heart were to stop beating in the next five minutes, I’m not ready to see Jesus. I’m just telling you, I’m not ready.»
If that’s you, I’m going to ask you in a moment to come out of your seat and take the hand of someone down here and let them pray for you. Just say, «I gotta get my life right.» And I want to say this: if there’s pride there, like, «Hey, I don’t want everybody to see me,» the Bible says this: if you’re ashamed of Him in front of people, when He sees you, He’ll be ashamed of you. There’s nothing more important than having a relationship with the Lord.
So, if you need someone to pray for you, if you need to give your life to the Lord, I want you to come out of your seat and let someone pray for you. If it looks like all the prayer partners are praying with somebody, just come to the bottom of the aisle. We have the best ushers and greeters in Texas; they’ll point you to the first available prayer partner. There’s no official dismissal; you can leave whenever you get ready. But let’s sing this one song through before anyone goes. May the Lord bless you. May He keep you. May His face shine down upon you and be gracious to you. May His countenance be lifted upon you and bring you peace. In Jesus' name, amen.