Frankie Mazzapica - Good Fights vs. Bad Fights
We’re starting a new series. It’s going to be a three-part series about the fight. That’s part number one. Number two is the finish; that’s going to be next week. Then we’re going to talk about the flames of faith: the fight, the finish, and the flames of faith. I’ll tell you where we’re going to get this sermon; it’s in Second Timothy 4:7. It’s a really easy verse to read, so let’s read it real loud. We’ll read it slow and loud. Ready? One, two, three: I have fought. Let’s do that one more time real loud. One, two, three: I have fought the race.
So this week we’re going to talk about the good fight. Next week we’ll talk about finishing the race, and then we’ll discuss keeping the faith. We have three major points. Today’s message is on the difference between good fights and bad fights, and so that’s going to be our first major point: good fights versus bad fights. Then we’re going to talk about long fights and lonely fights, so let’s dive right into it. There are certain fights that are not worth fighting. They’re not worth putting the gloves on; it’s just not worth it. When the enemy tries to get you to fight bad fights, the enemy is laughing at you-just laughing.
Have you ever seen two people in an argument? You’re not in the argument, but you think it’s hysterically funny. You’re just watching them yell, and they’re going back and forth, and you’re sitting there thinking, «These two idiots.» Are you with me? Say yes. You guys are so foolish. This is what happens when the enemy can discourage you and distract you with fights that are bad -they’re not worth your time. Let me talk about a bad fight just as a few examples: politics is a bad fight. Nod at me if you agree with that. It is so crazy! Every four years when we’re electing a new president, marriages fall apart over this stuff. Families still don’t talk over the last election, and Facebook blows up.
I’m telling you, if you ever want to buy a Facebook ad, buy it during an election year because everybody is on Facebook arguing. You are so silly! Just going at it! I have never seen somebody switch political parties in the midst of an argument. Have you? You’re sitting there fighting and arguing, and then all of a sudden someone says, «You’re right! What have I been thinking? I’ve been an idiot for all these years! What in the world?»
This illustrates a bad fight. The only time I’ve ever seen a political argument end well is when it’s driven by curiosity. So, this is a good example: I’ve got friends whose family is from Canada. By the way, Ally and I are celebrating our 24th wedding anniversary tomorrow. Ally, would you stand up? Come on, I love you so much! She typically comes to the second service, but she’s going to College Station to help our daughter unpack boxes right after the first service.
But I just wanted to say I love you so much. Thank you for putting up with me; I know it’s been hard. You can lie, cheat, and steal for the rest of your life. You’re still going to go to heaven for dealing with me! Her whole family is Canadian; she’s from Vancouver. They are extremely interested in our politics, which I find funny because I’m like, «I don’t even know what’s happening in your world! Why are you looking over the fence? If you hate us so much, just ignore us; it’s just fine.» But anyway, we used to get into these arguments, and then it dawned on me: I’m not going to change your mind.
The only time minds get changed is when somebody sits down and says, «Hey, I’m kind of confused. What do you think?» These are bad fights; this is an example- you don’t want to fight over this. If you feel called to fight over this, make sure it’s not the enemy calling you. Are you with me? Here’s another bad fight: bad fights are pokes. When somebody pokes you, when somebody says something to you, and you go, «What did you just say?» What did you just say? I was in a Kroger parking lot, and this guy cut me off in a Kroger parking lot.
I tell you what, man. If you want to lose your faith, go drive around in a grocery parking lot. This guy cut me off. I’m a cocktail mix; I’m half Italian, half Brazilian. And so you take that and you mix it up, you get a lot of passion. Okay? And this guy cuts me off, and I’m sitting there, and I went, «Well, he saw me.» Well, guess what? He wants to talk about why I just went. So he gets out of his car and he’s yelling, and I’m like, «Well, that means I need to roll my window down.» And this older fella came walking up. I believe he’s an angel to this day. He comes walking up to me and he mouths, «It’s not worth it.» And I looked at him and I saw him, and I put the window back up. This guy is provoking me. This is not a good fight.
When you’re sitting there talking and somebody says something smart-aleck, it’s not a good fight. My son used to play basketball in high school. He blew his ACL out twice, which means he’s got an early retirement. He’s still in his senior year, but he’s going to just be clapping on the sideline, which stinks, but it’s another story altogether. But when I used to go to his games, there was this parent, and I don’t know what his deal was. Every time I would walk in, he would look at me and go, «I have no idea.» I’ve only talked to him like three times. And it was like, «Hi, I’m Frankie. Hi, my son’s Luke. What’s yours?» Okay? Every time.
So one day I was like, «If he smirks at me one more time…» I had already prepared what I was going to say. Are you with me? You ever thought about that? You prepare it in your head. So I come walking in, and sure enough, I just went up to him and I was like, «Well, hold on a minute here.» This guy is poking me, and I’ve been down this road before, right? It wasn’t you, Tim. Tim and I are boys. I could tell you who it was, and you would be like, «Yeah, I don’t like that guy either.» But I’ve been down this road before.
See, bad fights are fights when you’ve been down that road before, and you know how it ends, and it doesn’t end good. Are you with me? Say yes. Like, let’s be wise. It’s a bad fight. It doesn’t end good. And I know what fights like that are like, where I come up to him and go, «Man, every time I look at you, you go, 'What' s up with that? '» Well, now I feel good about this confrontation, but I’ve got six months of walking into this gym and seeing him, and we can’t talk to each other now because I got suckered into a bad fight. Are you with me? Say yes.
The Bible says this in Proverbs 26:5. It says this: «If you answer a fool according to his folly, you will make him see himself as wise.» When you get suckered into a bad fight, that person is sitting there thinking, «I’m right, I’m right.» Do you want him or her to stand there and think, «I’m right»? No, no, no, no. You want to look at them and just let them sit in their stupidity. You just want to smile, and just when you don’t answer, they feel stupid when you don’t. Now, if you don’t answer and you go like this, you just answered. When the enemy can suck you into fights you’ve already fought before-and I’m not even talking only about stupid people right now-about things you’ve done, you’ve already been down that road before and it doesn’t end well. Are you with me? Say yes. It doesn’t end well.
And then there are good fights. There are certain fights where you go, you know what? Yeah, we’re going to fight about this. The only time a good fight is worth fighting, where you go, I’m going to fight about this, is when there is a spiritual implication. I’ll give you an example: When there is something sinful that you are tempted to do. For example, I just told Tim, «Tim, wave your hand.» I’m not going to make you stand up. Actually, I changed my mind. Go ahead and stand up, Tim. Wave your hand. Guess what? He’s single. So just so you know, if after the service I go over there and I see him in the lobby, and I’m like, «Hey, do you remember Jim?» His name isn’t Jim. And I sit there and I’m like, «Isn’t that parent a jerk?»
And we stand there and we laugh about it. There is a spiritual implication to that. Am I tempted to go out there and talk about that guy to Tim? One hundred percent, because the parents, an idiot. He clearly is an idiot because I am always right. And to go back there with Tim and talk about this parent, it would be so much fun for me to do that. But that is a fight worth fighting-a temptation. A person who runs to alcohol every single time they get mad, or every single time they get happy, or whenever they’re bored -that’s a fight worth fighting. It’s a fight worth fighting when the success of your marriage requires you to not focus on what they need to get better at, but to say, I’m just going to have the mindset of how can I get better.
You know, in my phone, I have a notes page where when Ally says, «I wish you would,» I go type it in my notes page. Now, I don’t have another notes page where I’m like, «Well, Ally, I wish you would.» I heard this comedian say, «I’ve been married for a while, and it’s dawned on me that we’re always working on me.» And he says, «You know, I’m a great dad. I provide for my family. You know, the only thing that she’s got on me is my temper. That’s all she’s got. If I didn’t have a bad temper, she wouldn’t have anything on me.» And I’m like, we’re going to just take a pass on that discussion. But when us men back up and we go, «All right, this is a fight worth fighting,» and it’s not necessarily against her; it’s against me saying, I’m going to take care of me.
And I’ve been down-watch this-I’ve been down the road before of going around correcting my wife, and that doesn’t go well. My wife and I were at dinner the other day, and she says, «If I ever do anything that annoys you, call me out.» And I started laughing. I was like, and the kids were at the table, and she was serious. She was like, «Call me out.» And I said, «I’ve been married for 24 years. You ain’t going to sucker me into that one. I’m like, those are stupid mistakes that people make when they’ve been married for six months.»
You’re perfect; I’m the one with the problem. Husbands, are you with me? It’s like, you ain’t going to sucker me into that one. No, I had an intern; he was like 19 years old. He just got married. He' d been married for, well, he was like 22. He rang our doorbell in the middle of the night. I’ll never forget this. He’d only been married for like six months. I opened up the door; his name was Jeff. I was like, «What are you doing here?» He goes, «Well, me and my wife just got into an argument.» I was like, «Okay.» And he goes, and I quoted a scripture. He said, «I looked at her, and I said, 'Woman, I already knew at that moment.'» He goes, «Woman, I am the leader of this house. I’m the man of this house, and you will submit to me.» And I was like, «And that’s why you’re at my house? Guess who’s in your house that you’re leading your wife here in my house, you dumb dumb?»
There are good fights and there are bad fights. I can stand up here and talk all day about this, but the two good fights are temptations and spiritual drift. When you can tell that you are drifting spiritually, you better fight tooth and nail. You better make yourself pray. You better make yourself play worship music. And I say make yourself because when you’re drifting, you do not want to. You better make yourself. That is a good fight. I’ll tell you another thing that’s a good fight: having courageous conversations.
So many of you have been so kind to say, «Hey, you got wonderful kids» or whatever, but with 24 years of marriage and kids, do you know how many times my wife and I have sat down on the bed with our kids and we’re going to have a discussion about what they did, about what they said? Or even on the flip side, I’ve sat down on every single kid’s bed and looked at them and said, «I need to say I’m sorry. Like, I really need to say I’m sorry.» And not, «Well, if you wouldn’t have done this, I would.» No, I just want you to know I’m sorry. Stand up and walk out. These are good fights. These are good fights. Everybody say amen to that. It’s temptations.
See temptations if you’re taking notes: it’s your eye gate, your ear gate, and your mouth gate. A good fight is to watch what comes out of your mouth, what you’re looking at, and what you’re listening to. Those are good fights; they have spiritual implications. A good fight is usually a long fight. Sometimes they’re short, but a lot of times a good fight is a long fight. You know, sometimes it’s just a discussion; sometimes it’s a slap in your face. I’m drifting; I know I’m drifting. I’ve got to worship; I’ve got to pray. And you fix it; you align it. But then there are a lot of times good fights are long fights. Long fights include relationships that don’t get better after one conversation. Long fights are when your physical body is not getting healed after the first 179 times you’ve prayed for it.
I’ve got a neighbor; his son was driving a motorcycle when he was 17 and wrapped the motorcycle around a tree. He’s a paraplegic, and now he’s in his mid-forties. He’s been living at home. Well, guess what? The father, the son, and the mother are fighting a long fight. But it’s a good fight; it’s not a bad fight. It’s a good fight! You’re fighting for hope; you’re fighting for strength when your kid is out living horribly. This is a long fight when you’re strapped financially-not for a month, but for years-and you’re keeping your faith, refusing to fight with people because you’re in a bad mood. This is a long fight when someone in your family passes away. There are fights there, but there are fights worth fighting. Some fights are a long fight.
I want to encourage you, though, with these long fights that are good fights. I don’t know how many people here are familiar with boxing matches. When you watch a boxing match, after every single round they’ll show who won that round. Now, if it’s a 12-round fight, what you’ll see is that some rounds the winner won, and there were some rounds where the winner lost. But regardless of whether or not he lost a round or won a round, he kept fighting all 12 rounds to the end of the fight. He didn’t lose a round and walk out! Are you with me? Say yes!
See, some of you are ahead of me. Go ahead and put your hands together for that. You don’t walk out! See, good fights are often long fights. And strategically, what I like about using the illustration of a boxing match is that even after they either won that round or lost that round, they still go back in the corner, sit down, and think about how to deal with the next round. You know, the coach or the trainer does not sit there for three minutes. I think they get a break for one minute or a minute and a half; I don’t know. But the trainer doesn’t sit there and say, «You stupid idiot! Why did you do this? Why did you do that? Why did you do this? Why did-» No, no, no! We don’t have time for that!
Can I tell you, you don’t have time to beat yourself up; you don’t have time. As soon as that fighter goes to the corner, what do they talk about? They talk about what they’re about to do in the next round. Yes? Are you with me? Say yes! And so what the trainer will say is, «Hey, his right hook keeps coming in! When you see that right hook-when you see that right hook-when you see that right hook!» He’s talking about the next round, and he’s saying, «Hey, you’re getting caught with that right hook every single time! You’re getting caught on it; just watch that right hook.»
And then watch this: when he swings it, I want you to dip and cross-dip and cross! So he’s talking about what’s happening, and then he’s talking about what to do when it happens. Are you with me? At the end of your day, when you think, «I just lost; this was a bad day,» the wonderful thing about every single day is it only lasts 24 hours. But here’s the other thing: every good day only lasts 24 hours. And if you chop off the number of hours that you’re sleeping-teenagers only have 20 hours, I’m just kidding-you chop that off. Every day is about 16 hours, and at the end of it you back up and look at it: Did I do well? Did I not do well? Did I do well? Did I not do well? And you reevaluate; you don’t sulk in it.
I was talking to somebody the other day, and I mentioned this last week: you come to the Lord and say, «I’m sorry for my sins» once. You don’t sit there and sulk in it. Listen to this: Margaret Thatcher said, «Some fights you have to fight twice.» I’ll take it a step further: Some fights, listen to this, you will fight every day for the rest of your life. But you can’t win ego, fear, anxiety, hate, low self-esteem, disappointment, anger. Some of us will battle these same issues every day for the rest of our lives. Good fights are often long fights. And you may fight them every day, but you can win! Are you with me? Say yes! How do you win? Matthew 11:28 says this: «Come to me, all you who are tired, worn out, and carrying heavy burdens.»
Here’s my question to you: Where does your strength come from? If you’re constantly exhausted, discouraged, or down, do you think your strength comes from a good nap, from food, or from a big argument? And that’s why it has lasted so long: good fights and bad fights. Good fights are often long fights, but I’ll say this: good fights are often lonely fights. Good fights are long fights. Good fights are lonely fights. Why do I say lonely fights? I don’t care if you’ve been married for 72 years; there are battles you fight in your mind that your spouse knows nothing about. I don’t care. My son and my daughter, they both, when you’re in middle school, high school, and college, you have like a thousand friends.
And then every year after that, it goes down: 900, 800, and then you reach a certain age where it’s just one. If you have one good friend, you have more friends than most people. Are you with me? But that big circle shrinks. I don’t care if your circle of friends is this big or if it’s just one; I can promise you this: they don’t know about the battle you’re fighting every single day. Good fights are long fights, and good fights are often lonely fights. But you must win, even though it’s lonely, for two reasons. Number one, there is too much on the line. There’s too much at stake. Your kids are at stake. If you stop praying for them, there’s too much on the line. There’s too much available. Number two: what God has for you in the future, you have to fight for.
The enemy doesn’t just give it to you. You have to fight for it. And the only way you win is by fighting for it. Good fights are long fights and lonely fights. There’s too much at stake. And here’s the other thing: there’s too much available. When I pray, even when I don’t feel like praying, and when I set the gloves down and refuse to fight, I’m doing this because I know there are things in my future. There’s a relationship with God where I can go into an empty room and feel His presence. Can you imagine that, feeling like you feel the wind? Or here’s a better one: you feel cold or hot. It’s like, wow, it’s hot! You can’t see hot; you can’t see cold, but to experience it, that’s feeling it.
In Jeremiah 29: 13, it says, «You will seek me and you will find me.» There’s too much available. «You will seek me and you will find me when you search for me with all your heart.» There’s too much available! A good fight is often a long fight. A good fight is often a lonely fight, but we must fight for those things. Would you stand up on your feet for me, please? I’d like all of our prayer partners to come down, if you would. Some of you are in the middle of a long fight. Some of you are in the middle of a lonely fight. And when that happens, sometimes you’re too tired to pray for yourself. You hear me? You’re too tired to pray for yourself! And you need somebody to just take you by the hand and say, «Hey, I’ll pray with you.»
If you’re here and you’ve been sitting for the last hour and you think to yourself, «Man, I am not right with God; if my heart stopped beating in the next five minutes, I’m not ready to see Him,» I am pleading with you and imploring you to make sure you don’t walk out that door without telling the Lord, «From this day forward, I’m going to worship You and live for You.»
If that’s you, you can come out of your seat and take the hand of a prayer partner. If you have any prayer at all, any prayer at all where you want someone to pray for you, come on out of your seat and let someone pray for you. There’s going to be no official dismissal; you can leave whenever you’re ready, but let’s sing this song one time through before anyone goes. May the Lord bless you; may He keep you; may His face shine down upon you and be gracious to you. May His countenance be lifted up on you and bring you peace, in Jesus' name. Amen.