Creflo Dollar - Understanding Biblical Headship - Part 2
Relationships without intimacy, listen to me now, is a false relationship and it is false intimacy that didn't travel through the bridge of vulnerability. It is false intimacy. Satan wants to stop intimacy between a man and his wife. Intimacy, that ability to see things that nobody else can see. And you have to go through a couple of stages to get to intimacy. First of all, that woman has to feel safe, and then she wants to be safe enough to be vulnerable. And then the intimacy will be genuine. But also a man, he doesn't feel safe because of man law. He's afraid to be vulnerable because he might feel like he might be discovered or hurt. So, what he does is he hides under a cover. And what you do is you give off a false identity. We don't see the real you. We see the you coming from the covers that you are under 'cause you're afraid to be discovered. But you might not be the man that you portrayed. And you don't feel safe because the pressure's put on you to be this thing that the man law tells you to be, and you don't know what your responsibilities are as a man.
So, you cover up, pretend like you're the real thing. But we're getting the fake identity, which means if you are fake in who you are, you're gonna be fake in the intimacy, and you're afraid that, "I can't get out from under this cover. They gonna see me as I really am". So, relationships without intimacy, it's a false relationship, it's a false relationship. You may be married to a man that has portrayed that false identity for years because he doesn't feel safe with you because he didn't know what his job was 'cause he didn't understand the power of his words. And now he's spoken wrong words and tried to carry out the religious definition of headship when all the time he's been in hiding, afraid that he'll be discovered. That's why you got them Corona divorces. "I'm too close to you for too long, and you're about to discover that I'm not the man you thought I was".
See, every man's deepest fear is to be found out, to be discovered as an imposter and not really a man. And the question you can find yourself asking, "Am I really a man? Have I got what it takes when it counts"? And to add on that, let the woman who's been so frustrated with the lack of nourishment finally look at you one day and say, "You ain't no man". Why is it so hurtful? Why is it so offensive? Because the whole time you've been wondering the same thing, "Am I really a man? Do I have what it takes when it counts"? You see how messed up this is? And because we didn't break it down and because we didn't rightly divide the Word and because we didn't allow grace of God to come in and we didn't understand biblical equality, then we operated by the lie that the church put out about your headship, and you was so busy trying to get control. And when you couldn't get control, you were ready to divorce and leave because she a Jezebel.
I know more men with the Jezebel spirit than I know women with the Jezebel spirit. Jezebel spirit is just rebellion to what's supposed to happen. And we are now raising up a generation of men by men who don't understand manhood. And it's scary and it's frustrating. And it's all those things because we've never understood, I would call it, the right perspective of manhood. "But, oh, pastor, first day back, why you messing with us"? No, no, no, no, it's about getting things in order, getting things in order. Somebody says, "Well, I don't see the big deal". I'm about to tell you. You see, the less a guy feels like a real man in the presence of a woman, the more vulnerable he becomes to pornography, listen to me. The less a guy feels like a real man in the presence of his woman, the more vulnerable he is to pornography, why? Because he's not getting real intimacy, so he thinks it's cool to replace it with fake intimacy, intimacy that doesn't make me accountable for anything, intimacy that doesn't put pressure on me, intimacy that doesn't judge me and make me feel like what I know I am.
Y'all ain't ready for this. Go back home. Get back on the stream so you can turn me off when you get tired of it. Those of you who are on stream, don't turn that thing off, man. Pornography is merely an attempt to create the illusion of intimacy while falling terribly short of that goal. It's actually born out of a fear of real intimacy with others. I'm not just talking about sexual intimacy. The fear of real intimacy with other people moves you to look for a fake intimacy that you think can replace your fear of real intimacy, that you're stuck playing the game all day. And you say, "I just love playing the game". No, you don't, you don't have real intimacy with nobody else. See, it goes in different levels. You know, you'll replace your relationship with intimacy with God with your intimacy with yourself, become so self-consumed. You will replace your intimacy with a friend with intimacy with your addictions with, even social media and all those kinds of things. You'll try to... that's what they call it when you get somebody to get on your social media, they call it your friends.
We think we can replace that real intimacy with something that's fake. And then when you get married and that real intimacy is not taking place there, and I'm talking about before you get into bed. See, real intimacy will guarantee you you'll get... let me rephrase that, "Don't be nasty, Cora". You know what I'm saying, okay. So, so all of this is born out of the fear of real intimacy with others, and ultimately it leads to emotional isolation and despair. "I don't know how to have intimate relationship with nobody. I don't have an intimate relationship with God. I don't have an intimate relationship with friends". I need somebody I can talk to. I don't even know how to engage that. I don't even know how to cultivate a trusting relationship with somebody that's not toxic because I'm holding on to whatever happened to me when I thought I had a relationship and it shut me down. And now I'm fearful or afraid that might happen again.
See, we don't understand what's on the line. God created us for relationship, and we're still trying to ignore the fact that we are relational beings. And you think that you should get some award by being by yourself, and, "I don't need nobody". See, now you're lying to yourself. "I don't need nobody. I don't care about this. I don't care about that". And, you know, I'mma do it my way, and I'mma be by myself. You're gonna be crazy when somebody finally meet you 'cause you need somebody to help you to grow. You need somebody to tell you that looks ridiculous. You need somebody to say you're mean. You need somebody to say, you know, you're talking too much. You need somebody to say you got that wig on, you need a chinstrap, you need somebody to help you. You need somebody to tell you those things. Relationship is designed to be a blessing, not a curse. But even sometimes when you encounter those situations that hurt and they're betrayal and all those kinds of things, you don't give up on relationship. You just need to let the Holy Spirit kind of help you to know who to hook up with, and then you need to learn how to pay attention to the signs and the signals that you see about a person in the beginning.
See, what we do is we see the sign and the signal, and we ignore it. "He just too fine for me to let go". And he giving you a signal that something the matter with him, something wrong and you won't pay attention to it. And now you're gonna ask the question, "How come I keep drawing the same kind of man"? 'Cause you keep ignoring the signals. Well, how does a person become, how does a person become hooked on porn, and what role does fear play in that process? Somebody thinking like, "Why are you talking about pornography in church"? A person's carnal desires, carnal or of the five senses, the things that move you in your senses, a person's carnal desires, which are based in selfishness, that's what it is, are what the enemy uses to draw them into addictive behaviors. It's the stuff that makes you feel good, the stuff that looks good, the stuff that sounds good. And you find yourself self-centered. And you find yourself in selfishness.
Then the enemy will use these things to draw you into addictive behavior. It's almost like the first time you got a hit off cocaine, you struggle the rest of your life to try to get that same thing to be reproduced. So, you have to deal with these carnal desires. You yield to it because, "This makes me feel good". And then if you come to church you tell people, "Well, God still loves me," wait, well hold on. That's an excuse because he loved you before you even got saved, so what does that mean? Y'all didn't hear what I just said. "You know, well, God still loves me," yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what, he's always loved you. So, does it make you feel better to remind yourself that God still loves you as an excuse for your addictive behaviors? It's easy to say, "Well, you know, you know, God loves me, even though I'm doing this". But you can also say, "God loves me enough to deliver me from doing this," you can say that too. I think we've become a nation filled with excuses. And then we come to church, and we demand the preacher adjust his sermons to fit the excuses 'cause they make you feel good. I heard you, you just told me to shut up, mm-mm.
Anytime we violate the commandment of love, fear is automatically present. Anytime we violate the commandment of love, fear will automatically be present. And when we seek to take care of our needs outside of God, we are far from walking in love. When we seek to take care of our needs outside of God, that describes the whole world right now. "I am not interested in God. I want to take care of my need. I don't need God". And we're living in an entire generation who basically have turned their back on God, have chosen their selfish ways, and have gathered enough people to say, "My behavior, if it's all right with these people, then it's all right, even though it's not all right with God". And so, what happens is when we're not walking in love, since love is what casts out all fear, then we can't be selfish and expect to be free from fear's torment. A lot of this comes 'cause I'm selfish. It's kind of like when a baby's born, a baby's selfish.
You know the same thing is true with marriage. When a marriage is born, there's a lot of selfishness involved in that marriage and it's very uncomfortable for you to begin to recognize, "I didn't know I was this selfish". But that marriage is gonna begin to challenge you to grow. And to think that while women have been coming to church and supporting the church all of these centuries, it was the man that should have been at the door first. And it is still the man that should be at the door first. And I am determined at World Changers Church International, that we are going to see the number of men outnumber women that come in because if we're the faucet, if it flows with us, if the nourishment comes from our faucet, if anybody needs to have a relationship with God and understand God and walk with intimacy with God, we should. We shouldn't be going around in the definition of manhood, "Men don't cry, and men walk around tough," no, we should be the guys on our face, crying out before God, lifting our hands up in praise service.
We should be closer to God than anybody so that everybody in our family is nourished by us. But how can that happen when we think that that's the woman's job, you go. That's the woman's job, you pray. That's a woman job, you develop a relationship with God and tell me about it. We've been tricked. Our real authority is in our intimate relationship with God. We have been fooled. And like all men in here, oh, if I would have known this when I first understood who I was, if I'd have known that I was the faucet. I thought I was supposed to be the boss and felt insecure because I didn't have boss-like qualities. Because the woman, the woman actually carries a lot more creative authority than a man. A man actually submits a lot better than a woman does. Somebody say, "How you get that"? "Baby, what you want to eat"? "Whatever you want to do, baby". "Well, where you want to go"? "Just let me know".
You ask a woman the same, "What you want to eat"? "Well, I'm not sure. No, I don't want that. No, I had that yesterday". "You want to go here"? "No, we already went there. Let's go somewhere new". But see, that's why God gave you that responsibility, and that's why God gave that woman. It's easy for a woman to submit to the person that's responsible for her healthy nourishment. But men don't want to do it. They don't want to learn how to be a man. They think a man is only defined by what hangs between their legs. You're not a man, you're a mailman, you know what I mean, or a milkman, you know, back in the day, or a postman, you know. But you're not a real man. You're not a real man. And so, what's messed up our society is now intimacy is coming from places where it don't need to come. "Well, you know, all churches are the same". You better get this right. No, they're not. Twenty-eight thousand churches closed during the pandemic, and that is not bad news. Some of them have no business in the pulpit. This is where we are now.
People came to church trying to get an understanding of something, and got some crazy doctrine that says you should be dominating your wife. I remember, I remember coming up where I was told, "You know, as a pastor, you gotta make sure you control your wife. And if you don't control your wife, you can't be an elder in the church," I heard that. So, I'm growing up thinking, well, you know, when I get married, I'm gonna have to control my wife. Man, I tried that stuff on Taffi, it didn't work good at all. It just didn't work right. It just wasn't... like control? Uh-uh. And it took all these years. And then this is like a perfect Adam and Eve scenario in my life and in my marriage. God had to, God had to put Eve there 'cause Adam could never get to the place where he's supposed to be. He all over the Garden. And she trying to say, "Listen, we can eat of all the fruit of the Garden, why you just hanging, why you here? You hanging around what's forbidden. You got your focus on, here, come on. Let's go on out here. Come on, come on. Let's go out here". "Mm-mm, I'm staying right here".
God, dog, that's the same way. God had to take my wife out of the country to another country and teach her on biblical equality. She called me from that country she said, "I ain't the same". I said, "Don't be bringing no mess here now. There ain't gonna be none if you don't make it none. Don't bring none". I was scared. I didn't know what she was gonna come back here and do. I'm like, I ain't the one. You mess up, but we get a divorce and I'm gonna get me a non-biblical equality wife who just say, "Yes, Master". See how cracked up that is? Man, she got back and fortunately, I understood the gospel of grace enough to hear what she was saying and broke it down. Why is it that God has to continuously use women to bring a man where he needs to be?
It's a strange thing to my hearing when I hear a man say, "That woman made me a better man". It's cool, but it's like somehow another man was supposed to impart that. The woman's supposed to be the recipient of manhood, not the developer of manhood. But it got so bad, it got so bad, it took a woman, who we said there was no equality with, to do things. In fact, you look at the Bible, you think it's all men pastoring the church. The guy who pastored that church and the guy who was the bishop of that guy who pastored that church was submitted to a woman who was an apostle over the bishop and the pastor 'cause all the churches were in houses. Anybody told you that? And I'm gonna get to in a minute, I hope. And we talk about, the woman is the weaker vessel. Are you kidding me? Men have got to come up, and it's not happening until you stop ignoring that first primary relationship. Do you have a relationship with God or a relationship with the Word? You should know the Word.