Creflo Dollar - Fruits of Brokenness
If you have your Bibles, go with me to the book of Psalms 147. I'm going to use two Scriptures for our text and I want to talk to you about a serious subject. You know, I'd go back and forth on whether or not I was ready to present this and I believe that this is time. Today, I'm gonna talk to you about brokenness and I'm gonna talk to you about how to overcome brokenness. Because I don't think people understand that a lot of things that we do in our life, it may be a result of unresolved brokenness in your life.
This conference this week has been about worth, value, the search for significance. And you have to understand that if God values you, he says you're the apple of his eye, if God values you, you're gonna have to learn how to value yourself. You know, you're talkin' about loving somebody, it's gonna be you understanding how to love yourself, and so it's important for you to value what God values. God values you and it's important for you to not let somebody devalue you because God values you. You are worth everything to the kingdom of God and God put you here. You have a purpose. You have a plan. You have a job. You have things that you're supposed to do.
But one of the things that I want you to see is if you can understand this issue of brokenness, brokenness is a root that will give birth to fruit. And sometimes that fruit in our character and fruit in our life. Sometimes we say, "Well, that's just how I am", and really it's not. It's just the fruit of brokenness developing and growing more and more in your life. And I want to show you how to identify those areas, and then if we have time show you how to break free from it so that you can achieve everything that God has purposed for your life.
In Psalms 147, verse 3, and then we're gonna go to Psalms 34. Psalms 147, verse 3 says, "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds". He healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds. And then if you'll go to Psalms 34, Psalms 34, verse 17 through 19, and in verse 17 he says, "The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth and delivereth them out of all their troubles". Verse 18, "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit". Verse 19, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all". Praise God.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous. So if you're born again and you're the righteousness of God, you should not be surprised. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth you from all of them. Now, let's begin. What is brokenness? How would we define brokenness? Brokenness is the flawed condition of humanity that creates a tendency for people to hurt themselves and to hurt others. Let me say that again. Brokenness is the flawed condition of humanity that creates a tendency for people to hurt themselves and to hurt others. You see, one of the facts of being human is that we don't always get things right.
One of the truths of being a human being is that we mess up. And if you begin to understand that, you know, you don't beat yourself up. This is something that, being a human, it happens because of your humanity. Look at Romans chapter 3:10. And sometimes Christians don't think that this is something that will happen to them because you're Christians and you know God. Well, I mean, I just read you two Scriptures where God is committed to the brokenhearted, where God has made a decision to be there for those who are broken, so even those who are of Jesus Christ will experience times of brokenness. David experienced a time of brokenness. And so it's something that we got to talk about because we can't just kind of blow it away and act like, "Well, this is not going to happen to me because I pray and I fast". And all that stuff is good, but brokenness is a reality and hopefully I'll get to showing you a graceful brokenness, how God uses it to really bring you to a place of accomplishing his will for your life.
Romans 3:10 says, "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one". Boy, that's somethin'. If it were not for Jesus Christ, there's none righteous. If it were not for Jesus Christ, we wouldn't even be the righteousness of God right now. We're righteous because of his righteousness, not because of ours. So he says, "There's not one righteous, no, not one". So true brokenness is a tool by which God brings his work. He brings his sheep that are wandering back into his loving arms. Now, listen to that. It's a tool that God can use to bring his wandering sheep back into his loving arms. Sometimes we get to wandering way far away from the will of God for our lives and brokenness can be used as a tool to bring you back into his loving arms.
I don't know about you, but you know, in life sometimes, you know, you take a detour away from the plan and the purpose of God for your life. And in the middle of that, you may experience some brokenness. That's just God saying, "Hey, I'm getting you back on the path. You're wandering right now. There is still a will for your life. There is still a plan for your life. There is still an anointing that I've given you for your life. And so I'm gonna use brokenness, although I may not send it, but I will use it to bring you back into my loving arms".
So there's a beauty of brokenness because of where you end up. And maybe it was rough, and maybe it hurt, and maybe it was painful, maybe somebody else was hurt and it was painful, but at the end of the day I want you to trust that God can even use your brokenness to bring you back into the loving arms of the Heavenly Father. And so let's look at Romans chapter 7, and verse 15. And you know, I'm tryin' to start off just really chilled and not get too excited before you understand where we're going. Romans 7:15 says, "For that", this is Paul talking, "For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I".
Did you catch what happens here? Paul says that he's doing the things that he knew he wasn't supposed to do. Paul is saying that Paul wanted to do what was right, but he didn't. He still did the thing he hated. He wanted to do what was right, but he didn't. He still did the thing he hated. Some of you can relate to that, that you're wanting to do right, but you're ending up still doing the thing you hated. You don't even like it. You know the danger of it. You know what happens. And so brokenness in your life, you have to understand, that has never been resolved, brokenness in your life that has never been dealt with, you've never resolved it may be infiltrating your life and it may be infiltrating your relationships. Brokenness in your life that's unresolved, brokenness in your life that you've not dealt with, it may somehow be infiltrating your life. It may somehow be infiltrating your relationships.
Now, let me say this. You will not be able to make progress above the level of your unresolved brokenness. You will not be able to be successful above the level of your unresolved brokenness. And so it's important right now. It's a key thing that if we can begin to deal with it, first of all, if we can start recognizing it and then we start dealing with it, then we can locate where it's come into our lives, and so that's what I want to deal with this morning. So what is it about your character, what is it about your life that may be a result of brokenness? What is it about how you carry yourself that may be a result of brokenness?
What is it about, you know, people may say that, you know, you're a complainer, or they may say that you're selfish and all of those things. It's a fruit of brokenness, and so could it be true that how you carry yourself may be a result of your brokenness? You know, sometimes we like to put the blame on other things and blaming people for things may be a result of your brokenness. So I'm gonna cover several things, several fruits of brokenness, if you will, and I want you to listen to 'em to at least identify those fruits of brokenness so you can leave from here sayin', "Ahh, yeah, that's me. That's me. I need to resolve that".
And so the first fruit of brokenness is something called defensiveness. If you are a defensive person, it's probably something that has infiltrated your life. It's something that has become a part and infiltrated your relationships. Defensiveness. Look at your life and see if you are defensive. You know, this is so true. Acceptance is the first step to recovery. Until you come to the point of accepting, "Okay, that's my issue", until you come to the point of accepting, "Okay, I have that in my life", acceptance is the first step to recovering.
So if we can't admit that we've messed up, we're going to never be able to change for the better. If we just kinda keep covering up because, oh, it makes me feel bad or it makes me feel sad then you're never going to change for the better. So we've got to admit, "Hey, I messed up. I admit, I'm defensive", okay, and then you take ownership of the tension rather than getting defensive and blaming everyone and everything else instead. By taking ownership of it, by accepting it, then you're gonna be in a place where you can really overcome this area of being defensive. But you're defensive, why? Because of an area of brokenness in your life.
You know, the thing about being broken is that God already knows how to put you back together again. You're not destroyed. If something is destroyed, you can't put it back together again. But if you're broken, you can be put back together again and God is committed to putting broken people back together again. But if you don't accept responsibility for being defensive and saying, "Well, you know, I'm a person that's defensive because of some brokenness in my life". So examine those area of brokenness in your life and ask yourself, "Has that produced me being a defensive person in my life"? That's number one.
Number two, you know, sometimes in relationships you give people the quiet treatment. Sometimes in a relationship, you put up that stone wall. What is it that causes you to give people the quiet treatment? You know, if someone has indeed wronged you, talking to them about it is the best first step. Somebody's done something to you, it's not goin' around, and giving them the quiet treatment, and putting up a wall, and I'm just not gonna say anything. That's not how you do it. The very best first step is to talk about it and to get it out in the opening.
And so giving someone the cold shoulder, it just makes the situation worse. And if you begin to look at people, and you may know somebody that, you know, they give the quiet treatment. Every time something happens in their life, they get quiet. I'm not gonna say anything to anybody. And sometimes you're actually thinking that's resolving it. No, it's not. The very best first step you can do is learn how to confront the situation, learn how to talk about the situation. Now, I use the word "confrontation". Confrontation doesn't have to be a negative word. Confrontation, it'll bring about growth for the person who was doing the confronting and the person who's being confronted. But sometimes, man, we think somehow that something beneficial comes out of being quiet, that somethin' beneficial happens after, you know, as a result of stonewalling.
I'll say it once, I'll say it again, if someone has indeed wronged you, talking to them about it is the best first step. Somebody says, "I hear what you're saying, but I don't know if I want to do something like that". Well, there's an area of brokenness that has produced this fruit in your life..
Let's look at the next one. Criticism. Criticism is a fruit of brokenness. You know, one of the ways people try to pry attention away from their mistakes is to point out the faults of other people. And so you have to ask yourself, "Why am I so critical? Why am I always finding myself criticizing other people"? Well, maybe you're trying to, you know, move the attention away from your mistakes and point out the faults of somebody else. I mean, we all know people who do that. And if you're doing that, the thing I would do is, like, "What is it in my life that's happened where I feel so bad about, you know, the things that I've done, I feel so bad about my mistakes that the answer to it is, 'Let me just see if I can, you know, look at what somebody else is doing and make them look bad?'"
A broken spirit, a broken heart is the reason why that happens. You're gonna find out today that a lot of conduct that people display, if they will take the time to deal with their brokenness, all of these things will go away as well. Let's look at this.
Number four, contempt. What do I mean when I use the word "contempt"? It's a state of being mean, despised, disgraced, dishonored. You see, disregarding someone gives the impression that even if they did do what was right in your eyes, it still wouldn't be enough. Think about that. That's bondage. You know, even if I did do something right, it still wouldn't be enough. Comments in a loving tone will always go a lot further than anything said in rudeness and sarcasm. Why is it that you can find yourself continuing to be sarcastic and rude to other people? What is it that causes you to be a mean person? There's brokenness in your life.
You're mean to everybody that comes around you because maybe in a relationship it didn't work out, or maybe somebody said something that really made you feel bad about, you know, who you are and insignificant. Brokenness will be the reason why you can carry on this kind of thing and you're just mean, you're rude, you're sarcastic. And here's another thing, somebody says, "Well, that's just me and I'm not gonna change for anybody". No, that's not you. That's the fruit of brokenness. That's the broken you. That's not you. And sometimes when people make excuses for not wanting to change, that's just their reason for not wanting to do it. And so hopefully just by identifying these things that you can just kinda really see it, "Oh wow, I didn't, I've never related that to my brokenness", that it'll cause you to want to just do something about it.
Number five, and I realize I'm runnin' out of time, negative assumptions. We've probably done that, all of us, negative assumptions. You know, not everyone has earned perfect trust. That's true, but most of us also don't deserve to have the motives questioned. I mean, every time you look around, you're questioning my motives. I have not earned perfect trust, but do I deserve to have every time I do something have it to be questioned? Negative assumptions. Why are you always having negative assumptions about everybody? Why is it so important to you to, you know, the fact that you know you can't earn perfect trust, but I'm just not willing to deal with it at all 'cause I just don't know, I just don't. I just don't. I don't trust you.
I've heard people say that, "I just don't trust you". Well, it's going to be real hard for you have relationship with people because nobody's gonna want to be around somebody that they feel, you know, always gonna question their motives. And every time you look around, "Well, I'm questioning your motive. I'm questioning you your motive". That's negative assumption. And if you do not deal with that, that makes it very difficult for you to have relationship with people. Relationships are supposed to bless you. They're supposed to help you to get across certain things.
There's something about the power of relationship that God wants to happen in a person's life. And when you have been devalued, when you have been hurt, when you have been betrayed, all of that is a part of brokenness, then you're probably going to be a person that has a bunch of negative assumptions. Now, Am I saying to just trust everybody? No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying maybe this is a fruit of brokenness. Let's look at the next one, invalidating opinions. Invalidating opinions. Now, this person is the only one who is ever allowed to be right. You ever met somebody like that? He's the only one that's ever allowed to be right. Anyone else who disagrees with them, you're stupid and you're foolish. What is it that makes you think that you're the only one that can be right?
I mean, you know, I don't know if you've ever been around, that's frustrating being around somebody who thinks, "I'm the only one that's right and if you don't agree with me, you stupid". And I know you want to say, "Your mama", but you can't do that because you know that's probably brokenness too. But you gotta make sure that in relationships, you can't do that. You're not perfect. What is it that causes you to think you're the only one that's right? Brokenness. That's what caused... see, you may be checking people out and you're tryin' to wonder, you know, whether they're bad person or not. I'm telling you, there's a root to what you see. There's a root to what you experience.
And there's so many people that are trying to gain success with unresolved brokenness. So many people who have a wounds that they would rather cover up and produce a false identity than to uncover and to deal and to get, and to heal that wound and then those characteristics won't be there. But this is how serious this is. I thought, "You know what? Maybe if I just give a list of things that people need to do, it'll get their attention to say, 'Dude, I need to deal with these broken areas of my life'". A broken person that was broken at 7, and now you're 25, you are allowing the 7-year-old to try to live in that body of a 25-year-old because it's not been resolved.
Let's move to the next one, escalating vengeance. Escalating vengeance. What does that mean? There isn't much satisfaction in the revenge business and retaliating after a fight is never the right way to go. So it might feel natural to lash out at things that have hurt us or made us angry, but it's not how God wants things to be. So somebody's done something to you, somebody said something about you, somebody dishonored you and disgraced you in some kind of way, and escalating vengeance, and tryin' to get revenge, and tryin' to retaliate afterwards, dude, that's not the thing to do. And we live in a generation where people are, like, so broken that they'll do all kinds of maybe violent things because I'm not gonna let you do that to me and get away with it. I'm gonna get you back.
And what happens when you are around a society of a bunch of broken people and they are escalating vengeance? All they're doing is thinking about, "How am I gonna get you back"? And somehow you never really feel satisfied when you do something like that. You think you will, but you're not. It really takes a bigger person to know that somebody has wronged me and I can just forgive them, and I can just walk away, and I'm not gonna retaliate. I just trust God and I'm not gonna, you know, rent space in my mind where you're concerned. I'm going to go on. Peace is my most valuable asset. I'm not gonna spend it on your drama. And so we can't get involved in that, but you find a person who, you know, they're wanting to retaliate.
One of the things I see is in broken marriages, and people get hurt and they get broken, and sometimes one of the spouses spend all their life just tryin' to retaliate. What can I do to retaliate? Oh, you missed one payment on your child care. I'm going to retaliate. I'm gonna put you in jail. Oh, I'm gonna do something to hurt you because I've been hurting so long and I never got it. I'm gonna get you back. You're stuck, man. You're stuck right where you are. You're not gonna be able to go any farther in life because that brokenness is causing you to demonstrate this escalating vengeance and retaliation. It's not God's way. Like I said before, you'll go no further than your willingness to resolve and to deal with the brokenness that's in your life.
Let's look at the next one. You're familiar with this one, selfishness. Selfishness, looking out only for self. I mean, this is a great way to end up alone, looking out only for self. That's a great way to end up all by yourself, both friends and romantic relationships, lookin' out for yourself. You see, it's good to take care of yourself and I'm not saying you shouldn't. It's good to take care of yourself, but why? So you can pour some of you into somebody else. It's, "I'm taking care of myself so I can pour some of me into somebody else". Wow. It's, "I'm taking care of myself so if I should", let's say you're single. If I should fall in love with a person that's broken, that I can now pour some of myself into that person to help them out.
I mean, we don't really think about that. And I'm not talkin' about being selfish just for you, but I really wanna make sure that I am healed of brokenness and I resolve that brokenness so that I can have something to give in a relationship. You know, good relationships will happen when you are giving advantage and not just taking advantage. If you go into a relationship and all you're interested in is, "What have you done for me lately? Ooh, ooh, ooh", if that's all you're interested in that's gonna end up being a toxic relationship. Because after awhile, you're going to realize I am always doing the giving. And what is it that causes a person to get into a relationship and think you need to just keep giving to me? It's a broken person. It's a broken person who goes into a relationship, and that should be a sign and a signal, oh my goodness, this is gonna be a toxic relationship because they're not ever given the advantage.
You know, sometimes people say, "I don't know why I keep drawing the same kind of person". No, it's not really that you're drawing the same kind of bad person, it's more likely that you're ignoring the simple signs at the very beginning of the relationship. In other words, you keep ignoring the signs. I mean, the signs are right there at the very beginning and somehow you're thinking, "Oh, I don't wanna see that right now 'cause I really want a relationship". And then it all ends up the same way because, you know, it's called brokenness. You keep ignoring the brokenness and somehow you think, "Well, I'll just go ahead and take this person in my life, and I know it's toxic for me to just give the advantage, give the advantage, and never receive". And then when the relationship doesn't work out, you get upset and say, "I don't know why I keep drawing the same person". No, I don't know why you don't look at the signs of brokenness so you won't engage in it. Praise God.
Let's look at another one, complacency. Complacency. That's the person, they don't even try. They don't even try. They're complacent. They don't try to understand. They don't try to be nice. They're complacent. And you know, if you want me, you just gotta take me like I am. They're complacent. And I thought, well, you know, maybe that's just a part of somebody's personality, to be complacent. Nah, that's a sign of brokenness. They're complacent. Oh, they just... No, no, no, they're broken. They're broken. Somewhere along the line, there's a fear, there's a bunch of doubt. You don't know, I tried this when I was ten. It never happened. You know, I went to do that and it didn't work out right. And over a series of time, in order to stop from hurting so much, I'm just going to be complacent. And you got all of this stuff piled up on complacency that is a result of a broken and a contrite spirit.
Now, let's look at this next one, keeping score. Keeping score. Boy, I remember me doing this. It's the instant someone starts tallying up who does what, and how much they do. And when you start doing that, you know, "Well, they do this much and and I do that much, and which one is a slacker, and which one is resentment", dude, no. You can pick that up real quick. That's a big sign. You know, "Well, didn't I do these three things"? And then you get to arguing about, "Well, you know, I at least did this". Don't do that. See, because this is the thing about being genuine. When you genuinely do somethin' from your heart, you won't need validation. And when a person is keeping the score, this person is hungry to be validated and that's brokenness, dude. That's somebody who says, "You know, I gotta start tallying up what I do and how much I do". And it happens in marriages, you know? "I do this. I do that. I do that. I do that. I do that. And all you do is do that".
Well, they're hurting. They feel like, "I gotta tally the score up", because you're not giving them praise and you're not giving them thanks. There's something that's going on on the other side where a person says, "I'm broken. That's why I need to keep score, 'cause you keep telling me what you do like I don't do nothing". You know, that's an attack against your worth, like you don't do anything. You do, but at the same time, we're in this together. We're one. And when you're really operating as a team, and as team first, and you're walking in love, it's like everything you do, I appreciate. And if you talkin' about healthy competition, we oughtta be competing to see who can outdo one another without ever keeping the score and being real grateful for the things that are happening.
Let's look at this, poor listening. Poor listening. Now, I'm thinking, "Now, how in the world can poor listening be a fruit of brokenness"? Well, what I mean by poor listening, you know, everything you say seems to trigger a self-centered story about that other person. I mean, you can't even get a word in. It's important to listen to people, but not to listen to people to see when they shut up and then you can say what you wanna say. It's important to be a good listener, but I think something that's frustrating is that, you know, people are only listening to you and it just seems to always provoke a story about something concerning them, which just simply says you just ain't paying no attention to what I said.
What is it that cause a person to say, "Yeah, I hear what you're saying", but it's always about them? You're a poor listener because it's not only hearing what somebody says, but it's taking into consideration what they said, understand what they said, and maybe even talk about it a little further about what they said. But it always comes back to dealing with you. That's poor listening. Can that be a part of brokenness? Yes, somewhere along the line, somebody hurt your feelings and you know, you're still on the search for significance, and you don't feel like you're significant enough, and you don't feel like you're getting the credit that you need, and so now you've become a poor listener because you're tryin' to broadcast what nobody will listen to. That's brokenness and that comes as a result of being broken.
Let's look at the next one, being judgmental. Ooh, that's a big one. Let me start off by saying this. Judgment is messy. Judgment is messy. It's messy business and no one likes to stick around someone who's judgmental. You see, everyone deserves to be treated with respect rather than feel like their every move is being condemned. Nobody wants to feel like their every move is being condemned. Everybody deserves respect. And I'm telling you, when you become that person, no matter what, you just want to judge people, you want to be judgmental, it's messy. It's messy, because in the middle of you being judgmental, you're gonna start believing false truth. You're gonna miss it. You're going to take somebody who could have been a blessing in your life, somebody that could have been healing in your life, someone that could have been an uplifting piece of your life, and disregard it because judgment is messy. It's messy business.
What is it that brokenness does into the life of a person that causes them to be so judgmental? You gotta really be hurting to be a judgmental person. It's just something about that person who's judgmental, that I'm really hurting. I've been betrayed. I've been hurt. I've been stepped on. I've been confused. I feel like I'm nothing. And you know what happens is that gives birth to the fruit of judgment. And sometimes you do it and don't even know it, but that's a part of that judgmentalism. You shouldn't feel, nobody should have to feel like every move is being condemned. And that's where you got to feel okay about you.
As public people, Taffi and I, we have to be strong enough to take criticism of other people. You know, even during this time, if you opened your church, people judged you and said you shouldn't open your church. You're not being responsible. If you close your church, then people say, "Well, you don't have enough faith. That's why you closed your church".
Well, you got to grow up and be a big person. You've gotta say, "You know what? I can take it, whatever". You gotta always recognize that not everybody's gonna be 100% with you and you're just gonna... I'm not gonna be so broken that I crumble because somebody had something negative to say about me. I'm just not going to be like that. I mean, recently people with just nasty comments about, "You ought to be ashamed of yourself having a Cash App and having these people to pay you". And I'm thinkin', "I ain't have no Cash App. I don't even know how to work a Cash App". And I'm like, you know, but I've got to be a big boy. I can't let that make me lose sleep, and stress me out, and all those other things, 'cause what happens? Brokenness is trying to break. And you can't let brokenness break. Break who? Break you. And so you just have to realize that's how life is, that's how people are. Bring it on. I'm big enough to take it.
Let's look at this one. Look at this one, money for me. Money for me is a result of brokenness. Money for me. And so if you're in a relationship, the money is not, "Let us work as a team financially". The money is, "That's money for me. I don't want to work as no team. Money for me". I gotta tell you something. When you become a part of a team, then the team owns the assets, not the individual. Not the individual. The team owns the assets. I'll never forget when I got married, and Taffi came in, and I had something. You know, we were putting our stuff in the apartment and she was, like, talkin' about, "That's mine", and I'm like, "Whoa".
I felt some kinda way, like, ooh, she just kinda claimed my stuff. And then I realized, wait a minute, if she can do that, I can do that too. And I went and looked at her stuff. I'm like, "Ooh, look at what I got here". At that time, we had the boomboxes. I'm like, "I got a boombox right there. That's mine". See, it's okay when you're a team. Then my car is no longer my car, it's her car. And her car is no longer her car, it's my car. And brokenness, somehow or another, has you keeping the score, and you're kind of afraid to accept the responsibility. I mean, when we got married, we both were somewhat in debt. Her debt became my debt, my debt became her debt, and we came as a team and eliminated it. And it's team first and no more individuals. We have to deal with our brokenness. We have to deal with things in our life.
I remember when I had an aunt who was kidnapped and found murdered in the trunk of her car. And she'd went out that night to pick some stuff up from the store and never came back home. And I never really sat down and explained that to my wife. That was an area of brokenness that I just, you know. So every time she went somewhere and I didn't quite know where she was, you know, she went somewhere, I think she was with a family member or something, came home late, but I didn't know what she was. I was freaking out. And so you know, she paused. She said, "What is this?" and I explained the story to her.
And you know, I'd never dealt with that brokenness. And so finally, I had so much fear about something happening to her, God spoke to me. He says, "If anything ever happens to her, you're gonna have to take some credit for it". And I was like, "I don't want that to happen" and got delivered from the brokenness and so the fruit went away. I no longer had those issues anymore. The fruit went away as a result of that. I learned how important it was to treat my wife like a grown woman.
Listen to me, men. Your wife is not a little girl. Your wife is not your little slave. And your wife is not somebody that, you know, has got to, you know, really get your permission before they do something. Your wife is a grown woman. Yep, communicate to one another. Yes, absolutely. Share with one another. Yes, absolutely. But she's a grown woman. And I guess the greatest compliment that I got from my wife one day, when she came to me and she said, after we talked about something that she did, and she came to me and she said, "Thank you for treating me like a grown woman". And I never thought about that. I'm like, how many women who are married today fail to receive the treatment that a grown woman deserves? That somehow or another, they got married and became a little girl again.
You see, when a man does things like that, there's an area of brokenness like I had in my life that he's got to deal with. Because that woman of God, that woman of faith, that woman that gave birth to your children, that woman that loves you, that woman that cooks and takes care of you, that woman that does all that for you deserves to be treated like a grown woman. I can hear you sayin' amen "rat" now. R-A-T, amen. She's not your little girl and she's not your daughter. She's a grown woman. But sometimes it's brokenness that causes people to react that way. And when you resolve the brokenness, look what happens. The fruit goes away.
Let's look at this next one. I got about two more I wanna share with ya. Not sharing power. In a relationship of any kind, not sharing power. I use these words: teamwork, compromise, give and take, to meet in the middle, teamwork, compromise, give and take, a giving and taking, to meet in the middle. When you begin to do that, then I guarantee you you're gonna... it's the sharing of power. It's not domination. It's the sharing of power. You've heard Taffi talk over and over again that when Jesus came, he set the groundwork for equality. And we can all stand equal because of what Jesus has done.
Biblical equality is not teaching sameness, biblical equality is teaching the right to stand on equal ground so that whatever God's anointed the man to do, the woman can carry out her anointing so likewise. We communicate. We are a team. We begin to compromise. We give and take and meet in the middle. We give and take and meet in the middle. But when there is not the willingness to have the sharing of power, what is it that's broke in your life that puts you in a position where you're afraid to share power? What is it? What is it? How many times have you been broken in that particular area? There are some people who have been broken so many times in the same to particular area, it almost seems like there's nothing else to break. There's so many, many, many pieces, and this can come as a result of that as well.
The next one. You're sure about this one, lying. Yeah, lying. See, it tears people apart. It breaks bonds of trust. It causes hurt. Sometimes I know it feels pretty, like, accomplished if you can tell a lie to preserve whatever friction that may have happened as a result of it, but it sends you back. It's like, you know, I don't know if I can trust you. I don't know, you know. We had a bond. It's being torn apart. It's pretty rough in those areas. But can brokenness be the reason that people would prefer to lie than to deal with certain things? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It's even how we carry ourselves.
Sometimes we can portray a lie. Sometimes we can, you know, exemplify a lie. It's not always with the mouth, but sometimes I can be hurting and I don't say I'm hurting. And sometimes I can say I'm ashamed and I don't know how to say that. Sometimes I can walk in fear and I don't know how to say that. And sometimes I can walk in rejection. I walked in a tremendous amount of rejection and shame, and when I was able to share that rejection, when I was able to share that shame, I had someone that I trust that could kinda build me up, not tear me down, not beat me down. But they knew even in that situation, maybe it took time for this to to develop enough trust to become naked or vulnerable.
You see, a lot of people, we live in false intimacy and false intimacy produces a fake relationship. And the reason why the intimacy is fake is because there is no vulnerability. And wherever you are afraid to be vulnerable and then you pretend to have intimacy, that intimacy is fake because the pathway and the bridge to real intimacy is being vulnerable. And that's something that's hard for a man to do. Brokenness can cause that. I mean, being vulnerable is how I get to real intimacy and real intimacy is going to be a place where I now feel safe.
Real intimacy is gonna be a place where I have a real relationship. So I say it like this. Fake marriage because you have fake intimacy because you don't have vulnerability. And just because you have a relationship doesn't mean that it's real. But can brokenness stop you from being vulnerable enough to produce a real relationship that came from real intimacy? And then the last thing I want to share. My times all up. I'll just give you this last one real quick. Lust. Lust is a result of brokenness. I like to define "lust" like this. No self control. No self control. One of the best ways to combat your brokenness in my opinion is by reading the Word.