Creflo Dollar - Unfulfilled
Today's guest struggles with sex addiction since he was a small child. And he has thought about it and dreamed about it and eventually realized that if he didn't change, he would never find the right woman who is meant for him.
Creflo: Would you please welcome Brandon Bentley to "Your World" today.
Creflo: God bless you, man.
Creflo: We are going to come together today and, the audience, and we're gonna create a instrument and we're gonna use an instrument to help people who, in some cases, they wouldn't even get help. But because of your courage and your boldness to come and share your story, I think God's gonna use it to help a lot of people. So, man, I really, really appreciate that.
Brandon: I appreciate you, Dr. Dollar. Thank you so much. You're a great inspiration to me. I've been watching you for years and I know I'm a little pre-advanced but I remember one summer you said, in particularly, "Ask a lot of questions".
Creflo: Ask a lot of questions.
Brandon: Especially when dating. So that's where I am now, so.
Creflo: Well, we're gonna do some things I think will be a blessing to people and so let's start off with this. This is called "Your World".
Brandon: Of course.
Creflo: And so we're gonna come into your world and...
Brandon: Come on in the Bentley world.
Creflo: Yeah, come into the Bentley world. It's not the Volkswagen world but the Bentley world, you know?
Brandon: And make sure your car's clean.
Creflo: Yeah, make sure your car clean. So let's go back. Talk to us about your upbringing.
Brandon: Well, it was kind of weird in a sense. As a kid, I didn't really understand what was going on. My grandma took us to church. I mean, we was with her all day and night and we was at church day and night. Small little story, so it was the Holy Church. Everything was holy, everything was a little bit more, I mean, strict, just to be straightforward. Now, my mom, she worked. She was a working class mother. She didn't had a education so she did Wendy's and different jobs like that. Now, my father, he was there. He was on drugs. I mean, just to be honest. At that time he was on crack. But he was functional. Smoked a little weed, did a little coke here and there from time to time but he was very functional. But that was, like, the upbringing. I had my brothers, my younger brothers, I had my twin cousins. And we kind of raised each other. We played with each other, we did a lot of different things. So we had God. God was there from my grandmother, through my grandmother praying and taking us to church and, I mean, I'll be honest, truthfully, we didn't like it 'cause it felt like, "Man, we at church every day of the week".
Creflo: But you had to go in order to do some other stuff, right? That's how it came. In my household, if you want to go out and play, you gotta go to church. And if you couldn't go to church, then you can't go play.
Brandon: Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.
Creflo: Well, what was it that actually lured you into pornography at an early age? Can you nail that down because...
Brandon: I can give you a nail on the head and you know what's so sad about it. I mean, I love my father, I forgive my father, but my father had me watching porn when I was eight and it was kind of like you go from watching that at eight, your mind is just really messed up.
Creflo: I mean, at eight years old, yeah.
Brandon: So from 8 to 13, he brought in the movies and then he brought everything and to him, from what I was told, he thought exposing me to porn would make me more so as a man than, forgive me for those who I may offend, but than a homosexual, straightforward.
Creflo: So maybe his fear of his sons being homosexual, he thought it was the right thing to do to say, "Well, I'm gonna expose 'em to pornography so that won't be possible".
Brandon: Well, I can only assume 'cause we haven't had a conversation today but I think it was some of the drugs and then, "This is my boy, this is my man". But he didn't treat me like that. I mean, it was very negative. It was a lot of verbal abuse. "You ain't gonna do this, you can't do that, you ain't smart enough". And then the porn, that was our happy place. It was the only place where he was, like, "Look at this, son. Look, look what I got. Look what we're doing".
Creflo: Now, that's gotta be so important, those of you who are watching and the audience here to remember what he just said: that growing up between 8 and 13, watching pornography was the happy place. What's the relationship like now between you and your father?
Brandon: You know, it's sad to say, many years later, I don't call him, I don't told him I forgave him. I get a little bottled up about it because I done had a lot of things happen in my life, good and bad, and some stuff he haven't experienced so from what I'm hearing now from family telling me, he's embarrassed because everything he said didn't take fruition.
Creflo: Yeah, what happens sometime in the lives of men, manhood is replaced with shame and a lot of time when shame comes in and replaces real manhood, some men just don't wanna deal with it and so they do the little flight thing where they just would rather leave and not deal with it than to deal with it because of that shame issue. What were the circumstances behind you not finishing school? Was it college, high school? What happened there?
Brandon: It was, you know, again, I must tell you this, I've been waiting for this day to tell my story because I feel like, like you said, a lot of people gonna hear this and it's gonna really help. I met a young woman in high school. I was a senior in high school. I transferred from a different school, basically, McEachern into Osborne which is half-credits to whole credits, if you all understand how that works. So I wasn't on track, per se. So my senior year, I met a girl. She was attractive and she said, you know, "You're looking good, you know, you're doing", I was working, washing cars, making money, so I could dress myself, I can afford myself. We started dating. She told me she was pregnant. I'm gonna be a better man than my father. I'm gonna be there in my kid's life. I said, "I'm gonna do car washing full-time". And you know, in that short period of time, went through a lot of things 'cause she was messing with the other guys. I was the good guy. The other guy, he was a pimp, a real live pimp. He was pimping women. He got her pregnant but I had no knowledge. I just wanted love or whatever form of love I receive, I wanted somebody to receive the love I had to offer. Not just only I'm saying from a woman perspective, not just the sex but just more so, like, the unity because I'm a ambitious man. So, man, I couldn't finish high school and you know the most sad part about it is nine years later I found out that the kid weren't even mine's.
Creflo: So did you have a DNA test?
Brandon: Oh yeah.
Creflo: So what was it that kind of helped that decision?
Brandon: Well, on one hand and my stories align with the carwash 'cause the carwash has been more so a therapy for me 'cause I'm allowed to service others, I'm allowed to, you know, have other people property, take the dirt out of their lives, see their dirty secrets, see their shame so to answer your question, it was more so that kind of gave me a bridge to be normal. But then, on the other hand, I mean, she was a very sexual person, obviously, 'cause I wasn't more than enough for her. But it was feeding my urge of wanna have sex because of the porn and then on top of that, you know, now as we got kids, so to speak, kids and now I wanna be a father for her but I wanna marry her but, you know, her foot is in many other doors, so.
Creflo: So you felt like maybe I need to go and check and see if this is my kid because all what was going on.
Brandon: Well, actually, with the carwash, I was on the news. They aired on channel 2 and a week later she filed for a DNA test. So then they came looking for me and then I was, like, well, I'm not gonna just strictly pay child support 'cause I never felt comfortable that this was my child. So I asked for a DNA test. I ain't heard from her since. So we had one child which was my oldest son. He's 15. But then the other girl that's older than her, 16, she vanished. They vanished. Still got my name. Still, you know, out there. I still talk to my son but it's only through Instagram but she's ashamed to talk to me and say, you know, "I'm sorry that I put you", she's just ashamed of the whole thing. So, you know, I always say I just wanna tell my story because there's a lot of men that are going through women, I mean, not to put women under the bus. I can understand people don't understand who they're dealing with but you had sex with me, you having sex with him, now you blaming him and then it's him and then it's drama, then everybody's messed up.
Creflo: And then you're in the middle of all this. What a lot of men won't do is to be straight up with the brokenness they experience with all of that going on. And the fact that you open, you know, "I'm wanting to love, I'm willing to love the best way I know how," and I think I'm gonna, you know, get that back from you and all this comes up and, not to blame her or anybody for it, but I'm talking about there is a brokenness that's experienced, that sometimes we fail to deal with and we just kind of go on like nothing didn't happen. It's kind of that old thing about, "Well, I'm gonna be all right". It's that thing of, "No, it didn't mess with me," and it tore you to pieces. It messed with you on the inside, right?
Brandon: I felt like I was broken, swept under the rug. When I found out it wasn't even mine, deal with it. And then dealing with the courts, I was already paying child support for the child that wasn't mine. Then paying child support for the child that is mine. Now, our relationship is tarnished because she's the same. She don't wanna talk to me, to this day, she said, "Oh, the DNA test is a lie," and I'm lying and this is my child and I need to take care of it, to this day.
Creflo: So when was the point that you began to realize that you had a sex addiction? And you know the reason why I ask that question because there are people who are addicted to sex but they've never come to the point of realizing that they are now involved in something I call the disease of addiction. And what happens is when you are afraid to admit and to locate yourself, you're stuck. So what was the point where you realized that you had sex addiction?
Brandon: I'll just say this. I'm gonna be open and honest.
Creflo: Sure, it's your world, man.
Brandon: Yeah, yeah, but I just know from this day I don't want you to look at me, like, "Oh, Bentley, oh, you a freak".
Creflo: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Brandon: You know what I'm saying? Bentley, you freaked out. But...
Creflo: Brother, let me tell you something I want you to understand we are not here to judge. We believe that everybody in the house got a issue but you are a bold enough and courageous enough to share your issue and to use it as a ministry to help people who are watching this broadcast who have the very same issue. So somebody got to talk about it.
Brandon: Well, what I'm about to say may rub some ears. I think we were... and I say "we" because, of course, now I got a group of friends so everybody got sexual issues. So all the guys, you know what I'm saying, we were competitive having sex, folks, and when I mean competitive is, guess what? This guy got five bodies a day, we gotta beat his count, okay? And this is when I was growing up, when I say "growing up" I'm adult, there's no adults there to say, "Hey, you need to do this". There's no teacher there. I'm learning on my own. So I got to a point where I wanted to be more competitive, have sex with people... and I say "we" 'cause everybody knew somebody who will have sex with multiple people or what we call one-on-one, will have one-on-one. It didn't matter. It was just like we wanna test our manhood, our stamina.
Creflo: So it was competitive?
Brandon: Yeah, it was a sport.
Creflo: Like a contest?
Brandon: And, you know, group of friends, everybody, you know, "Hey, I got my solo tonight". "Okay, well, that's cool".
Creflo: So at that time you viewed women basically as sexual objects in a contest?
Brandon: Not necessarily. It was more so that these women were the same type. These women, they liked to have sex too. So it was like everybody did the same thing. Everybody had sex. I mean, obviously, nobody was looking for a relationship, you know, and those women who were 300 pound, I'm just being honest 'cause that was the code.
Creflo: I want you to be honest, man.
Brandon: And there was a conversation, like, "Man, how could you", It was like, "Man, listen. We", they say, ho-monger but we was out there just literally anybody who wanted to come, you can come and we'll have sex. But it wasn't like open to everybody but it was more so, like, we were young, we're looking for the young girls, we're riding in clean cars, and we wanted, you know, have some fun.
Creflo: And was this amongst people you knew, your friends as far as you guys got together and decided, "This is what we're going to do"?
Brandon: I'll bring you back to even a little further. I don't know if y'all been to Atlanta a lot but Metropolitan, everybody used to ride down there on the Strip. I don't know if y'all been to Metropolitan. Look at that brother there. You need to be up in there.
Creflo: Metro who?
Creflo: Metro Park?
Creflo: I don't know.
Brandon: In Atlanta. The Strip.
Creflo: Was that old Stewart Avenue?
Creflo: Oh, Stewart Avenue? Oh, yeah, Stewart Avenue. Everybody knew about Stewart Avenue.
Creflo: Yeah, okay, so they changed the name from Stewart Avenue to that. Oh, yeah, everybody know about Stewart Avenue. You from Atlanta, you know about Stewart Avenue.
Brandon: Some people don't.
Creflo: Yeah, well, they do now.
Brandon: And you would go get what you want like it was chicken. And most of the times, you know, we'll be scared but, you know, somebody will be bold enough to say, "I'm about to hit one". But we was going down there, getting hands out, blow jobs, stuff like that. So, you know, that was all through the years and we're building up, we're building up. So then we start trains. We run trains, you know?
Creflo: And what you mean by train is multiple people having sex with one person?
Brandon: Well, first and foremost, we got a little scare tactic 'cause a lot of high school students, you probably remember, people were getting locked up. So we were all kids. Everybody kids but it was just some women were older, some were younger but we would try to be a little bit cautious on that end, but...
Creflo: This is, like, so real. And one of the things I like about this show, I mean, it's a show that this is real. This is stuff that's happening in the world today and we use this show as a platform to uncover a lot of things that happen and believe God for bold people to, like yourself, to come in with courage to share it.
Brandon: Well, I appreciate you.
Creflo: Well, here's the deal. Was that when... did you, like, sit back one day and just realize, "Man, I'm addicted to this"?
Brandon: Well, it was kind of like I didn't realize until it was like the effects from it but it's kind of like you wake up. You go and make some money. At that time, we called it hustling. I wasn't truly washing cars independently; I was working for somebody. So I was hustling. That was a part of the day, you know what I'm saying? In a day you gonna try to find, as they say, something to smash, you know? And so it was part of the day, you know? You wake up, you go make some money. If you've made some money, you get fresh, you got your car cleaned, you try to get something to smash. And if that wasn't your objective for the day, then...
Creflo: So smash means having sex?
Creflo: Right, well, I'm just trying to keep up with the terms.
Brandon: It's all good, it was all good. Smash, yeah.
Creflo: And so you're saying the effects of it caused you to realize...
Brandon: Well, then, you know, now I start... when I thought I was, like, good or as they say Gucci in the home, you know, now I got my own girl.
Creflo: Okay, so stop. Gucci in the home?
Creflo: I was doing good with smash and then you showed up with Gucci in the home and we just gotta pause 'cause I don't know what you talking about.
Brandon: Gucci, brother, Gucci.
Creflo: Gucci in the home.
Brandon: Gucci, Gucci, good. I'm good.
Creflo: You're good?
Brandon: Yeah, well, Gucci, I thought.
Creflo: We're good. You thought you were good?
Brandon: Yeah, I thought we were good.
Creflo: Gucci in the home?
Creflo: All right, so let's go back to your return in the dating scene, okay? And you know, you gotta remember there's a lot of hurt and brokenness there from trying to establish a relationship and then we start the situation you just described and now we go back into the dating scene. How did you view women at that point when you returned back into the dating scene?
Brandon: Well, it wasn't for safe sex. I mean, it was always I want the baddest, I wanted, you know, I view women as beautiful. I do have a daughter. I'm a father. So I viewed it as that but it's just the sex was a part of the ingredient of us dating. But it wasn't the main focus because, of course, you gotta function, you gotta make money, you gotta do that. But then when I was with her, it was the main thing but I still was able to pay bills, I still was able to do certain functions but I couldn't function completely with her. Like, she wouldn't share her intimate thoughts with me. She wouldn't tell me, you know, she would lie about everything. I mean, she was cheating the whole time on me so.
Creflo: Wow, you just said something so important because relationships — relations ship without intimacy is a fake relationship.
Brandon: Of course, of course.
Creflo: You know what I'm saying? Because if someone's not willing to let you in, then only thing you have access to is what's on the outside.
Brandon: Yeah, all surface. It was all surface.
Creflo: So let me ask you a very bold question because I want everybody to get a hold of this addiction aspect of it. How often were you having sex?
Brandon: Well, compared to then, could have been couple times a day. But compared to then and now, it's been a couple times a day. Now, it's a little different because I've been more exposed in the public eye so I try to be cautious where my name is, what I'm doing, who I'm doing it with because, well, just recently, even last year, I got a Guinness World Record washing 100 cars by myself. So a lot of people will see me. They see me on TV or they hear about it, and just in my past, I'm not trying to fall in those traps of repeating my mistakes of having sex with somebody 'cause I also got three kids, so.
Creflo: You had something really interesting that I'm really anxious to hear this answer. You found yourself involved in witchcraft.
Brandon: Whoo. Man, listen.
Creflo: How did that happen? Tell us.
Brandon: You know what? I never thought I would be involved and I didn't even know. I heard about witchcraft. I never knew what witchcraft was, like, you would think somebody wearing, like, a witch hat and stuff like that. But I started getting involved with people and, you know, of course, they wanna go do the chakra, started doing western meditation and then it goes from that to white magic, dark magic. So I started being involved with women and, I mean, this connection's all with women and being exposed to spell casting, which kind of led me to going into the path of protection spell, money spells, I mean, on one hand I wanna be super-successful. On the other hand, I just want a good woman. So I thought, "Oh, this woman can get me to that path quicker than the next".
Creflo: And I don't know if some of you are thinking, like, "What is he talking about"? And there is a whole community of people who operate in witchcraft and they try to cast spells on people all kinds of stuff. And it's probably more prevalent in other countries, some of the islands, but it's very prevalent here in the United States but it's just not something that's just not talked about. We did a show way, way back where we actually had a high priest to come in to really talk about it and how they really try to tear churches up.
John Ramirez: I believe at the age of eight when I was initiated, right, I was in the devil's sight, already. I was being groomed to be a high rank devil worshiper, you know, to the point that at the age of 35 I was a general in the kingdom of darkness. I was a general. I can control regions in this prayer realm. I can do stuff in this prayer realm, north, south, east, and west. I also project, I would do all these things. I know how to close down neighborhoods. I know how to close down churches that were not operating in the Spirit. I know how to take over regions, neighborhood. I know how to recruit Christians that were lukewarm into the dark side. I know all that stuff.
Creflo: Are you all getting this? I mean, you know, I'm sitting here, like, "Whoa".
Creflo: So I know this sounds very interesting but we went from verbal abuse in the home...
Brandon: Yeah, that was first, yeah.
Creflo: Abandonment. We went for pornography and then from pornography we went for looking for love. We were now hungry for basic human needs, trying to find it. We went from that and found that, well, you know what? I'm gonna try to find something that imitates love and I got mixed up into sex addiction and then from sex addiction into witchcraft and you see how each one of those are supporting the other? And it is the enemy that's trying to really to kill, steal, and destroy.
Creflo: When we come back, we need to find out if you think you're ever gonna be able to find the woman for you. I'll see you next time right here on "Your World".