Creflo Dollar - I Am NOT a Victim
Creflo: It was one year ago our guest today opened up about the trauma and emotional scarring she endured for years and was still enduring.
Sheena: Endured 34 years of abuse. I'm 40. It's just abuse on top of abuse on top of abuse.
Creflo: You have been physically abused, sexually abused, emotionally abused.
Sheena: At this point I don't have any more fight in me left. I'm tired of fighting. I don't have any more fights. I don't.
Creflo: Her story was shocking and heart wrenching, and we received letters and emails from our viewers around the globe, in over 140 countries, asking about how she endured, survived, and lived to tell about it. Today, she has returned to tell us how God has moved miracles in her life. Would you please help me welcome back Sheena to "Your World". Look. What?
Creflo: What? I'll tell you what. You didn't walk out looking like that the last time you were here.
Sheena: I did not.
Creflo: Oh, my gosh. I am so ready to hear, like, everything. The show we did with you, the response was just amazing, and you touched a lot of lives. People wanted to know about your story. They wanted to know how in the world were you able to even survive everything that you talked about, and so today you come out here, see, full of the joy of the Lord. Just, you know, I wanna just go straight, I have questions that I want answers for. The last time you appeared with us, you said, "I don't even know how I'm gonna make it". I remember this. "I wanna give up, and I wanna stop living". What about today and what happened to bring you from that point to where you are now?
Sheena: I'm living.
Creflo: You're living?
Sheena: I'm living. I wanna live. I have always felt like my healing was needed to be more spiritual than anything, so when I came here to the show I was really at my last, I was just done. Like, this is my life, whatever, and the amazing thing about being on here was that people don't realize there was a lot of things that happened in my life, so when we were just discussing one it was like all the others was coming up, but I didn't need to go down the line to discuss. I liked the fact that you didn't try to rush down the line. Like, you went from A to B to C. Nobody has ever done that. Nobody has ever told me it was never my fault. I mean, such little words, but it had a really big impact, the fact that it was no judgmental. I was just able to tell it and let it come out. Being a victim, people try to victimize you again with, "Oh, what did you do"? Or, "You must like it". Or, "You know, well, you must be crazy," or this, this, and that. Try to rationalize, instead of just letting it be what it is, so when I left here God touched my spirit. I guess that's the only thing I can say. I went two weeks later and enrolled into law school.
Creflo: You're in law school?
Creflo: Shut your mouth up, man
Sheena: I'm still there.
Creflo: And what do you plan on doing with that law degree?
Sheena: I want to help domestic-violence women. I want to go inside the court system and help them feel empowered, and I want them to feel like none of this is their fault. The courts sometimes make women feel like it's their fault or, you know, they just don't have a compassion for it, some of them, so I just wanna go in there and be that person to push them, 'cause I didn't have nobody to push me that way or to speak life into me that way. Wow! Like, I've been traveling.
Creflo: I think I'm the one who's gonna need the tissue today. I think I'm the one that ought to be crying today. I am so happy for you.
Sheena: Yeah, I mean, my family, at first, they were upset, of course, but they got over it.
Creflo: Did they see the show?
Sheena: Yeah, they did. I think that before they looked at the show they judged what was said on the show and then they actually looked at it, and it was surprising that half of my family didn't even know half the stuff I was going through, so when they realized that, you know, we have such a better relationship. Like, all the relationships with my family, my kids, I'm in awe of how I feel. Like, I'm living. Like, I feel like I'm getting to know myself.
Creflo: This is completely the opposite. This is completely the opposite. I mean, I know you remember it. As much as you're so filled with joy now, it was complete, we couldn't stop you from crying in the first show and now we can't stop her from laughing in this show, because you've gotten to know yourself.
Sheena: Yes, I have gotten to know myself, gotten to know God. I have people, it's so amazing that the people that are in my life and they're coming in my life now, they're like my bodyguards. They're like, "Ain't nobody messing with you. Ain't nobody doing nothing to you, so let's go," 'cause I used to be afraid to go outside, you know? Just because I would think somebody would attack me, so I really didn't go out, but the people I'm around, they're like, "Girl, boo, let's go".
Creflo: You know, they heard, I'm sure there was a lot of revealing things to people, and, you know, sometimes when people judge they don't really know what's going on. And that happens a lot, and I don't mind saying it happens a lot with church people, because, you know, we're so quick to judge, and we have no idea what that person is going through. And I think that's the tragedy of it all, we judge and don't even have a clue what that person that you may see at church that morning might have gone through something that was so awful. Now, in your case, when your family, they were sitting there watching the show and this revelation came, you know, especially about being put in the trunk of a car and held at gunpoint and all that kinda stuff, I'm sure if I had a relative that had gone through all of that and I didn't know it, I would probably deal with a certain amount of guilt. I would probably, in some cases it may move into shame. In some cases I would just really feel bad because I judged this situation, so how did they respond?
Sheena: They were, you know, my sister, she called me, and she was like, "Well, okay, I know about everything else. Did you really get kidnapped"? Like, she was shocked. They were shocked. They were floored that there had been so much going on in my life, and I had to tell them from the time I was six to that time, you know, we had just been dealing with the family issue, and we didn't realize how much separation that we had. "That when stuff like that did happen in my life, I didn't think to call y'all," and so, you know, now my sisters, they call me every other day, or they text me, or they send me something, or, you know, they just try to keep their selves in touch, in touch with me. And it's just great. I can't explain. I can't. I can't explain.
Creflo: For those of you who did not, if you didn't see the last show, this is completely, I mean, she so has the joy of God and that's what we prayed for. That's what we were believing for. We were sitting on the couch talking, and you were looking at us like, "Whatever," you know? And you'd cry again. We wore tissue out. Was there an apology by anybody that surprised you the most?
Sheena: Yes. So, a couple of days before I came on here I got assaulted by somebody. I actually had a black eye. The make-up lady was so good. She covered it well.
Creflo: You had a black eye the last time?
Sheena: I had a black eye when I was here, 'cause it had just happened. Like, it was horrible, and so he saw the show, and he actually called me.
Creflo: The guy who physically abused you?
Sheena: Uh-huh. He called me, and he was in tears. He was crying. He said, "I do not want for me to leave that kind of impression on your life, knowing what you have been through all your whole life". And he broke down to me, and he started telling me stuff that, you know, was going on in his life, and he, you know, he said he would never, you know, put his hands on me or touch me like that. Just agreed to not, you know, have any more dealings with him, but, you know, I let him know that "you know, I forgive you, and it's okay," and all that, but he was very humbled. It shocked me. It really did. It just shocked me because I wasn't expecting that from him at all.
Creflo: You know, when you were here last you were, I think you made the comment about, you know, that "I don't think I could ever get past this sexual abuse". What does your heart say now?
Sheena: I think I didn't wanna let go because I didn't wanna feel the hurt, and I think when I came here I just let it go. Like, I was so open. I was so free. I didn't hold back. Like, I told the truth. Like, it was what it was, and I just think that healed me. I got over that, and it's just a daily process. Like, I started every day saying stuff to myself, positive stuff to myself. Well, I was repeating what you and this lady was saying. Like, I was like, "It's not my fault," and the 6-year-old is trying to control the 40-year-old. "We're not gonna do that, so sit down". Like, I did daily things, and I have just a lot of support from people that didn't really know and, you know, like, they were like, "Okay, okay, okay, well, we could still, you know". So, it was just a lot of support. I was blessed. I just want somebody else out there to know that it doesn't matter what anybody else says. You know what I'm saying? If you went through something, you went through something. If this is how you feel, then this is how you feel and if you feel like you need to get some help, then you go where you need to get some help regardless of what other people say or what other people think. You know what I'm saying? 'Cause you have to do what's best for you at the end of the day, and God can still use you to help somebody else. You just never know. And coming here and just letting it out, I just feel so good. I just cannot explain it. Like, I feel great. I feel like I've been asleep, and I'm woke.
Creflo: And what are they saying today? Stay woke.
Sheena: Right. Stay woke.
Creflo: Well, let me ask you something. It's so important that we understand the place that decision has in this, and I think, if I can remember correctly, we talked about the anatomy of life. We talked about how what you're exposed to will determine how you think and how you think determines how you feel, and yeah, we went through that. And that was somewhat enlightening, but the part where we have to now make decisions, you know, a decision is an open door into reality and that nothing becomes real until you make the decision and then the door opens for the reality of that to come into your life. Can you remember those first decisions that you made that you can give credit to as far as you being where you are and who you are today? Because we talked about it. If you don't make certain decisions, then you know, we're just playing this movie over and over and over again, and it's gonna have the same kinda ending over and over again, until you decide to do something differently. Talk to us about some of those decisions that you made, some of those changes that you made. You ended the insanity. Yeah, the insanity. You kept, you know, doing the same thing and somehow you expected for something different to happen, but obviously you decided to do something different. Share that with us.
Sheena: Well, I just decided that if I start making decisions to better myself and concentrate more on myself, that everything else will just fall into play.
Creflo: Versus what were you doing before?
Sheena: Before I was just whatever they wanted, whatever she wants, you know what I'm saying? I was trying to please everybody. I was trying to make everybody happy 'cause I didn't want anybody mad at me. I didn't want anybody thinking this or that, so, you know, I kinda played along with what everybody else wanted me to do.
Creflo: Would you say that back then you were searching for validation that was in...
Sheena: Right. I was searching for validation.
Creflo: Or value.
Sheena: Yeah, from other people, when I needed to value and validate myself and basically I made the decision not to worry about everybody else, and when I did that I found myself getting stronger and stronger every day. I'd be asking God all the time, like, "I don't know why you're choosing me for this. Like, I'm backwards and crazy. Like, I don't understand, but, okay, here I am," so he just continued to give me strength every day. He continued to give me a different kind of mindset. It was kinda like he showed me a picture. Can I say this?
Creflo: Go ahead.
Sheena: So, I'm sorry.
Creflo: This is kinda, like, your show today because...
Sheena: So, it's like this. The gardener, he plows it, and he puts the seed down, and he covers it up with dirt. That's the growth process that everybody does not understand. We are looking for it to go up, and it goes down in the dirt. Nobody sees that process. Nobody understands that processes between you and God, and there is a reason why it's between you and God, because some people, they don't understand. They're not gonna be able to walk the same walk you walk or see the same vision that you see, or they're not gonna be able to understand on the level that God wants you to understand it, so the growth level that goes, and then Jesus. We always say he was just on the cross, and he, you know, he got whipped, but he was birthed, you know, he had parents, and he had friends, and he ridiculed, and he was shunned, and he hang out with the thugs and the sinners. You know that I'm saying? The problem with us is, "I can't hang out with 'em 'cause I might," you know what I'm saying? "Try to do what they're doing," so you know what I'm saying? "So, I gotta stay over here, 'cause if I go over there I might not make it," so... I'm sorry.
Creflo: No, no.
Sheena: So, I mean, when people say, "I want God to use, you know, God, I want, you know, use me. Use me," you better... you know what I'm saying? Like, I've been telling all the time, "No, God, we good. Don't use me like that," 'cause he went through a whole process and stuff. Like, he just didn't get on that cross. His homeboys did him dirty. You know what I'm saying? Like, if they did him wrong. You know, they went to sleep on him and everything, so, you know, we've been going through this stuff with our friends and our partners, and we've been, you know, ready to do this and that. "You know, what would Jesus do"? "Well, I'm not Jesus". So, you know, when you say, "You know, God, I want you to use me," you gotta go through a process or something, so I just feel like that was my process, so now, you know, it's dead. It's over with.
Creflo: I just love this new translation of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This translation is a wonderful translation for all millennials, whoever wanted to realize what happened on that cross, the Sheena Wabble Translation, excuse me. You know, what you're saying is so true, though. We can't be used by God until we understand who we are and then when we understand who we are then we can understand what we need to do. But a lot of times people are trying to find out what they need to do, and they don't even know who they are. And not only that, they don't know who God is, so you don't know God, and you don't know you, and you're concerned about what to do.
Sheena: Trying to tell me. Blind leading the blind. No, sir.
Creflo: She is preaching, this sister-girl, the gospel.
Sheena: I'm just saying I have had this conversation a lot. Like, God said, "You know, my children are gonna hear my voice," you know the saying, so we're gonna hear him. We're gonna hear him, but he said, you know, many are called but few, little bitty, tittle, whatever are chosen, so you know what I'm saying?
Creflo: You know why I know you have had an encounter with the Holy Spirit? You wanna know why?
Creflo: Because when you have a real encounter with the Holy Spirit, the number one proven fact that you have been with Jesus is the joy of the Lord is your strength. The joy of the Lord is your strength. I'm telling you something. Joy is the fuse, like a stick of dynamite. Joy is the fuse to faith and when your joy is lit it will cause your faith to become explosive, and I'm gonna tell you something right now. Don't you lose this joy, because it's causing your faith to explode all over the place, and you're gonna find yourself walking in the favor of God. You're gonna find yourself doing exactly what God wants you to do with that law degree. You're gonna take people just like you used to be and usher them down the path of the joy that you now carry, and this joy is contagious. It's contagious. You might wanna, now, I don't know if you wanna do it, but I'm thinking do you remember being here the last time? What happened to her?
Sheena: She's gone, honey. Yeah, she gone.
Creflo: Ladies and gentlemen, the last time the name of this show was... what was it? "I'm a Victim". Today's show, we call it, "I'm Not a Victim". I want you to close with that. "I am not a victim".
Sheena: I am not a victim. And for you millennials, I ain't dead.
Creflo: There you have it. Listen, I am so proud of you. I am so proud of you.
Sheena: And I just thank God, and I just wanna thank you so much for, you know, allowing God to use you, 'cause I don't think I could do that.
Creflo: Well, you are the perfect illustration and reason why we do this show. You're it. You're the reason why, and so now you have encouraged me. You've encouraged the producers, all of the staff here. You being here today lets us know that we are not wasting our time.
Sheena: You are not. Y'all ain't wasting your time.
Creflo: Amen. Do you all appreciate Sheena today? You do. You know, like Sheena, you no longer have to be a victim. When Jesus is at the center of your life, then joy, hope, and victory can be yours.