Creflo Dollar - 10 Signs of Emotional Maturity
Ah, we started a series last time I was here on "Emotional Maturity" and how vital it is for us as Christian people to understand that it is very important for us to mature in our emotions. We spent a lot of time talking about spiritual maturity and that is important. We talked some on spiritual maturity and we talk a lot about, you know, being healthy and taking care of your physical body, okay. But we need to deal with the cockpit of our lives and that is our soul, our soul, our mind, our will, and our emotions but especially in the area of emotional maturity.
A lot of times people end up on the wrong side of the track because they don't mature emotionally. And this is something not just for Christian people, but for, you know, almost everybody alive. I mean, most of the time people find themselves in a bad situation because they have not matured emotionally and that happened because most of us when we were growing up our parents did not sit us down and talk to us about emotional maturity and what it means to mature emotionally. So I wanna take the time to do it now. And what I decided to do this time is, you know, I gave you the first one, but it can take for two months to just deal with the first one.
So I'm gonna give you tonight the "10 Signs Of Emotional Maturity," so you can have all of 'em, all right, "10 Signs Of Emotional Maturity". And the first one you're familiar with, and that is being flexible. This is a sign that you are emotionally mature when you are someone that is flexible. And so what happens is, an emotionally mature person is able to think things out and come up with a viable plan B, or even a plan C if the plan A doesn't work out. And so, you know how to deal with that. If you are emotionally mature, you know how to be flexible. I mean, everything doesn't stop because something happened with plan A. You don't crumble, give up and cave in because something happened with plan A.
When you mature in your emotions you understand there's a plan B, there's a plan C, but I'm not gonna be destroyed because my first plan didn't work. That's being flexible. And so when you want to identify in your own life, "Am I maturing emotionally"? Well, just test it out, when certain things don't work out the way you planned and you're able to make the adjustments, that is a sign of emotional maturity. If you understand that say, "Amen".
Number two, here's a second sign of emotional maturity. Taking ownership and responsibility. Emotionally mature people will learn how to take ownership and they'll learn how to take responsibility. An emotional mature person is able to own up to their own mistakes and not immediately look to blame others. See, emotionally mature people don't play the blame game, okay. And a sign that you are maturing emotionally is that you will accept responsibility and ownership for the part that you played in the situation that you're in.
You see people who are not maturing in their emotions, they just wanna blame somebody for it. They wanna blame people and they wanna find excuses. But when you begin to mature emotionally, a sign of your emotional maturity is going to be that you take ownership and responsibility for the issues that you are in. It's so easy to just start blaming folks and it is so easy to start making excuses for where you are. But I believe a door is open when you accept the ownership and the responsibility for where you are and the situations that's taken place in your life.
Number three, I thought about this I said, I better give all ten of 'em 'cause it could take a half a year to get to 'em, you know. Number three, here's a sign of emotional maturity. Knowing that you don't know everything. Can I get a witness church? And it's okay, it's okay. An emotionally mature person knows what they don't know, and also knows that their own way of doing things may not be the only way or even the best way of doing things. Did you hear what I just said? An emotionally mature person knowing that they don't know everything. I mean, I think there's a blessing in not knowing, because you put yourself in a position where you're dependent on God to speak to you and to show you some things. But you've got to know what you don't know, and you gotta be okay with what you don't know. You have to be okay with sometimes responding, "I don't know," okay.
Have you ever met the person that they just think they know everything and then they shoot you a bunch of stuff and just like, "Man, you don't really know just say you don't know". And so what happens is, you know, you've got to not only know that you don't know everything, but you got to also understand that there may be a better way of doing what you're trying to get done in your life. These type of people they don't argue just to be right or to show some dominance to be in charge. You find that you are emotionally mature when you know that you don't know everything and that there's probably a better way. Therefore, instead of you being "a know it all," you're gonna open yourself up to, you know, something that other people may have that may actually open your mind to some very new things, okay.
Number four, number four, here's another sign of emotional maturity. Talking about jumping right into the lesson I didn't do a preview or nothing, right, just "Bam get in there," you know, some of y'all are loving it. "Bring it on," you know. Here's the fourth sign of an emotionally mature person. They look for learning and growth from every opportunity. They look for learning and growth from every opportunity. In other words, they try to find the wisdom that's invested no matter what it is they go through. Good or bad, they're looking to grow from the things that they go through. An emotionally mature person is on the lookout for what can be learned from any situation or any opportunity and they search for the growth opportunity within it. "Where's the growth opportunity within this thing? How can I learn and how can I grow from this thing"?
And I'm not talking about it... may not be a good thing, it may be a train wreck but an emotionally mature person says, "I need the wisdom out of this. How can I grow out of this situation? What can I learn from this situation", rather than being so quick to get into strife and all those other things and I ain't speaking about, "What can I learn about this"? Because it takes two to dance, okay. And it always amazes me how we want to just zero in on somebody else while we ignore the part that we play.
That goes to the point I just made but when you're really emotionally mature and it feels good, it really does feel good knowing that you're growing emotionally and that you're like, "You know what? Maybe that was a bad thing but man, I'm gonna get something outta this. I'm gonna get something outta this so if I ever see it again, it's not gonna be a surprise. I have grown from this situation," amen. With everything that I went through over the last three years physically, I have grown from that situation and it just feels good instead of just saying, "Oh, that was a bad thing. Please Lord, don't ever let that happen again". "What is it that I know? How have I grown? What was it I was able to get out of this? What have I learned from this particular thing"?
And I think that's what growth is all about and I believe that's what God does, God allows us to be born in the world and he hopes that we will trust him but growth is... we have to grow, we have to mature spiritually, we have to mature emotionally, and we've got to mature physically. You've got to know that eating a box of donuts is not gonna be good for you. You got to know that it's just not the devil hopping on you causing you a bunch of physical things, you... okay, okay, leave your donuts alone.
Number five, number five, here's the fifth sign that you are growing emotionally. Number five, you actively seek out multiple points of view to help inform your own. When was the last time you said, "You know what? Let me see what somebody else thinks about this. I'm looking at different points of views". Emotionally mature people actively seek to inform their own opinions by actively seeking out the points of views of others. And I did that on a series that I taught, I'm not gonna tell you which one, but it really opened my eyes I just didn't know that, you know, I was looking at it from one perspective, and I wasn't open to hear other perspectives.
And those other perspectives, believe it or not, they at least helped me to articulate, to think or to include things that I wasn't thinking about including or to broaden my perspective a little bit more and I thought, "Wow that's pretty good". So I like to do a lot of reading, I like to go see what saved people gotta think about this, unsaved people gotta think about this. I thank God for the internet 'cause it gives me the opportunity to gather different perspectives. I agree that a person ought to do this and should respond this way, but I'm not obviously aware of another side or another perspective. It doesn't have to end up in compromise but I think that, you know, different views help you to broaden your view.
I mean, my view has been broadened in some cases only to confirm that I was on the right path, okay, and to feel really good about being on the right path. But sometimes that doesn't happen if you're just in your own little cave with your own little, you know, keyhole view of the whole world, and how, you know, I started looking at the whole world and I started realizing that the whole world's not like the church world. A lot of the whole world think you're crazy. Well they think we're crazy what really think I'm nuts, you know what I'm saying? And I wanna ask, well, why is that? How do you view this thing and even learn more so that I can minister more effectively to that point of view? Especially where the grace of God is concerned. So, you grow emotionally.
Number six, here's another sign that you are growing emotionally. Number six, you stay resilient. And in other words, in the face of, you know, when you're facing something that upsets you, or maybe you are facing a setback in life, or a disappointment, well, when you're emotionally mature, you'll acknowledge your feelings and identify what can be done and then decide what steps to take to move on. When you're resilient, the bad day doesn't stop you. When you're resilient, the bad situation doesn't stop you, you take a deep breath and say, "All right, let's get up and walk. All right okay, so yeah, that happened, that was bad, I'm disappointed, I really hate that happened, I'm hurt that that happened, I'm having to deal with all of these different feelings, but I am mature, I'm an emotionally mature person.
So, you know, ain't no use for me stand in the corner and wobbling and whining, let's just go and do what I need to do". I remember the first time that I experienced a massive attack publicly on something that I just really believed in. And I just felt like, man, I felt like I had been thrown away. I just could not understand what people's problems were. And I was in a corner and I just thought, "You know what, either I'm gonna stay in this corner and be defeated or I'm just," you know. And so I decided to just go outside. I mean, it was everywhere worldwide. I decided to go outside and go to the grocery store and hold my head up.
And I walked in the grocery store and they go, "There he is," and they started taking their pictures and everything, and I was just amazed and I'm like, "You're not gonna make me, you know, crawl up in a corner and," you know, kinda like, I mentioned this guy a lot on "Tombstone" where Kurt Russell, I think it was, went and slapped the guy and said, "What are you gonna do? Just stand there and bleed". And sometimes you gotta be resilient. You've got to stand in the face of adversity, and in the face of setback, and in the face of things not working and you just gotta say, "You know what? Let me get up, dust myself off 'cause I'm not quitting. I'm not quitting, okay. So maybe I turned a little to the right there. I'm just gonna keep going and do what I need".
When you are maturing emotionally, you are resilient, you face the upsets, the setbacks, you face the disappointments, and you acknowledge how you feel. I had to acknowledge at one time recently, "That hurt me". That's the first time I ever did that in 40 years. I acknowledged that hurt me and disappointed me when that was done to me. And, you know, and then I just decided... for some reason, I guess I felt better and I'm like, "Wow". And I told my wife, I said, "You know, I was praying, I was walking and praying and I said, 'That hurt me.'" And 'cause God started dealing with me, he said, "How you feel about that"? I said, "You know, I'm good". He said, "It hurt you didn't it"? I said, "Well, what am I gonna lie to you and say, 'No?'" And so I said, "Yes," and I came in and told Taffi, and she said, "Good, good I'm glad you realized that because it hurt my feelings too".
There's something about being mature emotionally to identify, you know, how you feel and then you're able to look at what needs to be done and then you decide on the steps that need to be done. But you need to locate yourself emotionally. And that's okay to do that, as Christian people it's okay to locate yourself emotionally, "I'm disappointed, that hurt me, that hurt my feelings". I mean, you don't go around broadcasting it every time you see somebody. Somebody call, "Hey, how you doing"? "My feelings hurt and I just want you to know". No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you acknowledging this to yourself. There's a self-realization about it that says, "All right, so here's where I am, now I'm getting ready to move on and do what need to be done" because an emotionally mature person knows how to be resilient.
Number seven, number seven, an emotionally mature person, they have a calm disposition. And I'm really appreciating this growth in my life because I just wouldn't have a calm disposition about nothing. I was so trying to press for excellence that when it didn't work out like I wanted to, I was not calm. I was a tyrant, I just go nuts, you know. And because all for the sake of excellence, but emotionally mature people, they do get mad, but they do not let the emotions dictate their response, okay. Anger is something that's real. I'm not gonna tell you, "Don't get angry," the Bible says, "Be ye angry but sin not".
See what God's concern was don't let your anger control your emotions, okay. And then later I found out that anger was really an expression of fear that I noticed every time I would get angry, the real issue was fear. And I finally had to deal with what am I afraid of? The real issue was fear. And so what happens is it's important to, as you mature in your emotions, and none of us are at, you know, these are just signs but there's always growth in every one of the signs. I don't stand up here and you're not sitting there proclaiming to be 100%. It's just, you know, these are signs that you are maturing emotionally.
I don't know how far you'll get in that mature stage, but you know, at least you can tell you're on the right path by locating some of these things here in a calm disposition. So I started praying, "Lord, I think I'm gonna be a man of ease, a man of peace and a man of calmness. That I'm just not going to just be the guy that flies off the handle all the time," because that just represents emotionally immature person. And that's something that, you know, as Christians, we gotta get ahold of because really our emotional display will say a lot about our spiritual maturity as well. But emotionally, man, we just gotta learn how to deal with these things.
Number eight, number eight, here's a sign of emotional maturity. You believe in yourself, you believe in yourself. Emotionally mature people don't have a false sense of self that is ego-based and diluted. You don't have a false sense of self that's ego-based. I mean, your ego is all in a way and it's diluted. But they do have an optimistic type of attitude in their own ability. In other words, you're pretty, you've made your mind up that "I'm gonna be pretty positive about things when I can be negative about things". You've made your mind up that, "Yeah, I can be negative about anything I choose to be negative about but I don't think I will, I just don't think I will".
Sometimes you gotta make your mind up even when you're in your relationships. "You know what? I just don't think I'm gonna let you get on my nerve today. Just not gonna do that". That's an emotionally mature person. "I'm just not gonna let you do that today. I mean, you've done it for the last five days, and I don't think I'm gonna let you make me cuss today. I'm not gonna do that," okay.
You know, I believe in myself enough to believe that, you know, I don't have to give my power to somebody else. And that's basically what you do, you turn your power over to somebody else. And today we're turning our power over to social media. It is amazing, you can get 5,501 great comments and you stay stuck on the one: the one talking about your hair, or the one talking about your outfit, or you thought you was sharp on your Instagram posts and then somebody you had no idea people could be so mean and talk about how nasty and ugly you look and you're like, "Now, now you're going to the section of the internet where you can see if you can find out where this person live at".
Can I get a witness? Don't raise your hands up. Where you live at, where you live at? 'Cause I'm coming for you. I bet you won't come to my house and say that I wish you would because you have those social media assassins. And listen, the internet is undefeated. So if that bothers you that bad, get off of it, all right, 'cause you don't need the internet to give you validation. I said, you do not need the internet to give you validation, all right? But a part of your emotional maturity is gonna come when you know how to establish belief in yourself and how you handle those.
Number nine, approachability, approachability. Emotionally mature people are able to and prefer to talk with people not at them. Are you approachable? You're able to talk to people and not at people. Sometimes I wonder, like, "Who do people think they are"? You know. And I really, I really hate to see folks talking at somebody like they don't have any value.
And when you are emotionally mature, one of the signs, and this is the one's I think most important, is, you know, are you able to talk with people? Are you able to associate with people? It's something more important than your college degree and your intellect and that is your likability. With your college degree and your internet, I still don't have to hire you if I don't like you, 'cause you're not likable. And then there's some people who are likable without a college degree and they get hired. And somebody, you know, the boss's like, "I don't even know why I'm hiring you I just like you".