Creflo Dollar - How To Attack Approval Addiction - Part 1
I'm amazed at the lives that are being destroyed and derailed over the effort of trying to earn approval from people that you don't even know, trying to buy things so that they can approve of you with money you don't even have, and trying to impress somebody who don't care. The United States of America, filled with addicts who are addicted to approval to determine their value. And one day God delivered me, and he says, "Which is more important? The shouts and screams of a congregation to show their approval of what you're saying, or the silence and the peace and affirmation that you get from the Holy Spirit because you said what I told you to say"?
I tell you, Taffi and I free. We gracefully bowed out of the rat race of trying to be the most successful ministry on the planet. That can't be determined down here. That's gonna be determined when you get up there, bruh. Your definition of success and God's definition of success; drastically different. Are you listening to me? Some causes of approval addiction, and often, we said last week in closing, that it's often stems from a person's upbringing or social environment, but we gave you a couple of 'em.
Number one, a lack of self-esteem and self-worth. I mean when an individual doesn't feel good about themselves, they will seek the validation and the approval of others to fill that void that's in their life. And then secondly, I mentioned it, social media may be a cause of approval addiction. It's in the likes that I feel valued. It's in the comments that I feel valued. It's in the shares that I feel valued. And then you get addicted to that. If you don't believe me, check your screen time at the end of the week and see how it just continues to grow. People who use social media platforms as a way to seek approval, often feel validated by the numbers of likes and comments that they receive and if it's not what they want, they are willing to compromise and to do even more and to show even more, and to say even more.
And you won't confess that you're addicted to your phone, and yet you have discovered that you wake up, and the first thing you grab is that a phone? And check out to see, has anybody approved of me today? Or, to scroll up to see, how can I compare myself with somebody else? You're comparing your beauty with somebody else. You're beautiful and you don't even know it because you're comparing yourself with a painted-up individual that don't even look like that when she take all that makeup off. She don't even look like that. You're comparing your body with somebody else's body who got some kind of body suit on. You honestly don't think eyelashes grow that long, do you? Surely you can't think that? But somehow, we do.
Today, everybody got good hair, it's all good. Everybody got that specially imported half from India, it's all good. And I ain't got no problem with that; I do if you are using it because you are battling with your self-worth and you're saying, "I have got to look like that image in order for me to feel good about myself". Honey, until you can take the wig off, take the eyelashes off, take the body suit off and look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I like you just like you are". Do you like yourself? I had to learn how to like me. There were so many people who didn't like me and there are a whole lot that loved me, but some didn't. I had to learn how to like me. I couldn't buy-in on what those few were saying, but isn't it amazing how it can be one or two and it can get in your...?
One or two people tell you, "You ugly," and you just need to understand. I'm not trying to look any kind of way for you, Mr. who-I-don't-know, 'cause you not hugging me when I need a hug. You're not paying my bills. You just gotta come back to the reality of this because it's like this big mirage, this big fable, fake thing and you're buying it, you're believing it. "Well, I better say what they want me to say, or they're gonna cancel me". You know how many times I'd have been canceled? "So what did you do"? I just uncanceled myself. Somebody said, "How did that work"? I just, I don't want to be canceled, move, and I'm just keep doing it and doing what I gotta do, because when you are secure in Jesus, and you know that you are an apple of his eye, when you know that you've been accepted in the beloved, that's all you need.
Everything else is worth ignoring because you're headed towards the one who sits high and looks low, that when that day comes, you'll be so glad you chose him over everything else. And that's what counts. People are dying, the question is, are you ready to die? If you were to die today, please think with me now, if you were to die today, think about, you're on your deathbed, you're not thinking about how many comments you got. You're on your deathbed, you're not thinking about who didn't like what you wore, 'cause that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you do for Christ. That's all that really matters.
See, your time here, versus eternities somewhere else... are you serious? Your time here, this is short and it's over. And then eternity with him. I'm investing in something that's a whole lot more longer than this time. And I'm good, man, I'm good. You're looking at a free pastor, that I'm not up here trying to... I ain't got no show no more. We closed the circus down, put all the clowns out. I just feel all right with being just who God made me. I will not exchange the power of authenticity for something that is fake and something that's not mine and something that God didn't give to me. Quit exchanging your authentic self for some cheat, somebody else. It's cheap because that ain't you. Find out how you walk, find out how you talk, find out how you carry on and if somebody calls you a nerd, you just ain't for them.
I ain't gonna call you no nerd. You're that way, 'cause God wired you that way, and he'll hook you up with other people that's wired the same way, and y'all don't see each other in a demeaning factor. Y'all just look at each other like, "Oh, we wired the same way". Don't let somebody's name calling of you be something that you actually take on as real. You different from that person. If they can't accept you the way you are, then maybe y'all don't need to be hanging out together. There is somebody like you somewhere that'll get you, and they understand you and they will celebrate you. All right, all right, let's get to it today.
Somebody said, "You just started, I thought you been preaching". No, that was all summary, trying to make sure I catch some of y'all up, see how much you missed last week. Right, now, watch this. Let's talk about ways to be free from approval addiction. I think you get it now, but how do we get free from this? Now, like everything that that you're wanting to be free from, there is this first primary and most important step, and it is this, you've got to locate yourself. You got to recognize that you have a problem. As long as you don't recognize that you have a problem, we're just stuck, until you recognize you have a problem. It's not enough for your parents to say you have a problem.
It's not enough for your best friends to say you have a problem; you have to recognize you have a problem. You have to locate yourself. Before you got born again, you had to first of all realize that you were a Sinner. You can't go to the next step until you realize that you're a Sinner. And like I did, I have to look at myself in the mirror and say, "You are addicted to approval". I'm your pastor, I am telling you that I had to face being addicted to approval. And I wanted to be accepted, in those in those early years of preaching the Gospel, and I got a hoop, I got to do it like everybody else doing it. And I got to figure out how to get their approval, and I preached for the loudest shout, even if it tore somebody's emotions up.
Thank God I'm free, but I did have to recognize, "Dude, just 'cause you're in the pulpit doesn't mean that you're problem-less; you got issues too". The deception is that the man in the pulpit don't have issues; that joker's got more issues than anybody. That's why he has to make sure he's with God. Man, so be careful when you come ask me questions. "Pastor, you know, I gotta problem with, you know, my wife always asking me questions, then when I try to talk to her, and I end up argument. What you think I oughtta do"? "Man, I got the same problem, what you doing? What? Let's take notes. Let me see what you're doing. I'll tell you, we see which one work. Come, well I'll meet you here next week, let's see what work".
See, I can rock with somebody like that, because I have an issue with somebody who ain't ever been through nothing and acting like he flawless and perfect. How you gonna tell me something you don't know what I'm talking about? You can't even relate with me because you act like you're just so holier and thou and so perfect, that I can't even talk to you. I can't talk to you at all because you ain't got no issues. Your children are angels, your finances are plentiful, you have no problem. Your wife is Mrs. Submitted, she shows up Leave-It-To-Beaver Mom, with an apron on and say, "Hello Ward, what would you like for dinner tonight"?
I can't talk to you. And the reason why you can't get men and women of God to act like that is because they have seen what happens to other ministers who wouldn't please. And their approval addiction kept them that way. "You know you're a pastor, you should be smiling all the time". Well, I don't smile all the time. "You shouldn't want to counsel me". I don't. "Ew, what kind of pastor are you"? A real one, one who's delivered from approval. I know how to say no. No is a complete sentence. "Pastor, I know you're busy, but..." No, get your butt out of the way, I'm busy, move. I had to get free from that. And congregations kill their pastors and get a new one and start working on killing him and get another one, so I went, no, no, uh-uh, you ain't killing me. Approval addiction is the foundation to that.
Now it doesn't mean being mean and all that other kind of stuff. We always grow in love and operate in love, but you've got to speak the truth in love; you got to be honest. And you can't be afraid to say no and it may disappoint sometimes, but you know, you let God... Let me say something to some of you. Some of y'all got too many people in your life. Some of you don't have enough room for anymore friends and that's okay. But when you're in approval addiction, you will just keep on bringing more people in, even if it's just tearing you apart because you don't want to disappoint anybody.
I had somebody real famous, really, really famous, came to me and said, "I need you in my life". I said, "I'm so sorry, I have too many people in my life. And I don't want to hurt you, but please forgive me. I have to say no". And they was a little bit like, "Hmph". And I'm like, "Mm-hmm, 'cause I just said a complete sentence; no". Try it. Let's all say that complete sentence together, come on, come on, "No". It sound good, say it again: "No". You got a lot of places you can use that sentence, but you won't be able to use it if you're an addict to approval.
So, that's number one, recognize you have a problem. Number two, work on improving your self-esteem and self-worth; that's where it comes from. So what can I do to improve my self-esteem? We're at church, why we talking about self-esteem? 'Cause it's an issue. On Wednesday night, we're teaching people how to grow emotionally, emotional maturity, 'cause it's an issue, 'cause if you allow your emotions to govern your life, you'll end up shooting somebody. You'll end up doing something you didn't think you would ever do because of the emotional immaturity that's really lurking in the Body of Christ. That we go around and we know how to say spiritual stuff, but we're immature emotionally. That simply means we allow our emotions to dominate our decisions.
So how do I improve my self-esteem? How do I work on my self-worth? Let me give you a couple of little suggestions here. Number one, this is practical, very practical, but write a list of the things that you admire about yourself. Some people, "I ain't got time to write nothing". Sometimes you need to write stuff down. It gives you a chance to think about it, look at it. But, write a list of some things that you like about you, a list of things you admire about you. It's okay, you're gonna see one or two things. You're gonna see, "I was able to write some things I admire about myself," or you gonna see, "I really don't like me". Wow.
Second suggestion, stop being a people pleaser. Stop being a people pleaser. Number three: don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone because there is no growth while you're in your comfort zone. The only time you can grow is on the outside of your comfort zone. So, locate your comfort zone, step outside of it and grow.
Number four, stop comparing yourself to others. In fact, let me share this Scripture with you, 2 Corinthians, chapter 10, verse 12 in the NLT. 2 Corinthians 10 and 12 in the NLT. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop comparing yourself to the magazine ad. Stop comparing yourself to the Billboard. Stop comparing yourself to somebody else's house and somebody else's car and somebody else's whatever; stop comparing yourself. God did something awesome with you. He made you authentically you. He says in verse 12, "Oh, don't worry, we wouldn't dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are. But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement; how ignorant".
The Bible says how ignorant it is for you to compare yourself amongst yourselves, using one another as a standard of measurement. When grace is that standard of measurement and he's already given you a standard of measurement, and you reduce that high standard in exchange for measuring yourself amongst yourself. Don't do that. Don't do that. Who's to say I'm gonna be successful if I can get up to that standard? Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, not necessarily. If you work hard at trying to achieve another standard that you see, while you ignore what God wants you to do, you may actually be taking a decrease there because God's like, "No, I didn't wire you for that. I wired them for that; I wired you for this".
So, you think by getting up there where they are that you are now successful when in fact the success comes from fulfilling the will of God for your life. Real success is accomplishing what God wants you to do and how God wired you and you done got deceived in thinking that real success is being like that. He said, "How ignorant". How ignorant. You think somehow that if you can get a six pack, and some pecs, and get your biceps to separate from your triceps, that your wife gonna like you more?
You come in there, think you really impress her, she's like, "What have you done? Where is my one pack? Where's my little cutie one-pack? You got rid... I want my one-pack back". And you're thinking like, what? What is it? Are we supposed to be impressed with the exact same thing that impresses somebody else? And then men put this pressure on themselves to be something that the general public says is acceptable, and your wife like you just like you are. Man, your wife love Big Waldo getting in that bed there, that bed sinking over there and just rolling over on the side. She love that boy. "Come on baby, big boy, come on". And you've done lost all that weight, and the bed won't go down no more, and her little keister got all messed up.