Craig Smith - Sex, Identity, and the Life God Designed
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Before you take a seat, why don’t you look around, find somebody, and tell them it’s good to be here together today? Hey, hey! Also, tell them this: Tell them I think God’s got something good for us today. How many of you think that’s true? How many of you believe God’s got something good for us today? I do. I mean, I know I do, but I got a sneak peek of it, obviously, right? But actually, I know it’s good because of how good this starts. Listen to this. In fact, maybe even just let’s do this: would you put your palms up? This is the posture of receiving. I just want to read this first verse that we’re going to talk about together. It’s so good!
Paul says, «As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. And now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more.» I love that! It’s so good. I could spend all day today just talking about that verse. He says, " As for other matters,» and in other words, we’re making a little bit of a shift here. Up to this point, he’s kind of been talking a lot about, you know, what had happened in the past. He came, he preached the gospel, he got kicked out, and he had been trying to get back. He couldn’t, and he was worried about what was going on.
Finally, Timothy went and found out what was going on and came back and gave Paul good news. He said, «Yeah, I mean, actually, they’re still following Jesus, and they still love you.» So he’s been dealing with a lot of that. And now he says, «We actually got some business to deal with, some family business.» We have some issues that we need to address. And so we’re going to make a shift to that. But I love what he says. He says, «As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God.»
I love that-in order to please God. And here’s why I love it: I didn’t grow up hearing about pleasing God. I grew up hearing about appeasing God. And some of you are nodding; you kind of know what I’m talking about. And so, actually, I want to ask you a question as we kind of get our time started today. And this is the question I’ve been asking myself a lot this week: Am I focused on pleasing God or appeasing God? And if you’re not sure what the difference is, I’ll explain what the difference is. Appeasing is trying to make God frown as little as possible. I just want to be real; that’s kind of what I grew up with. And I grew up in the church, and I’m really glad for that. I’m grateful; I was blessed by it.
In fact, I wonder how many of us grew up in the church. Come on! Yeah! And how many of us were blessed because we grew up in a church, in a family that loved Jesus? And yeah, how many… Let’s just-can we just be really real with each other, though? Those are the easy ones. Here’s a little bit harder one: How many of us also recognize that we’re still probably a little burdened by some of what we got growing up in church? Come on, let’s just be real. Because sometimes the church adds things in that aren’t in the book, right? And we pile things on that Jesus didn’t actually do. And sometimes that can happen. I think this appeasing God is one of those places.
I kind of grew up with this idea that my main job was to make God frown as little as possible. And in fact, honestly, when I think about it, it kind of makes me think of an old Saturday Night Live skit where there was this guy named Jack Handy, and some of you already know where I’m going with this. He would do these little sayings, right? And one of them-and I’ll never forget it-he said, «When a child asks what rain is, I think a cute thing to tell them is God is crying. And if he asks why God is crying, I think another cute thing to say is probably because of something you did.» And I think sometimes we can kind of grow up in the church, and that’s sort of our impression of our heavenly Father, right? Like our job is to not make God cry, right?
And so we can kind of get fixated on all the don’ts, right? There’s a strong emphasis on «Do not do these things,» right? Like don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t steal, don’t boil a baby goat in its mother’s milk. I throw that one in so we can all go, «I’m at least one for four,» right? Anybody like, «Whoa, I’m messing up on four?» Probably not, right? I want you to feel a little bit better about yourself. But we focus on the don’ts. But that’s not what Paul talks about. He actually says, «We instructed you how to live in order to please God.» And pleasing God is actually about trying to make God smile as much as possible. And, boy, that’s a different way to think about faith, isn’t it?
And I don’t know what kind of background you come from, and honestly, maybe that makes sense to you, and that’s great. But I think for a lot of us, the idea that we could please God, that we can make God smile, that’s hard. Actually, I was recently reading about a woman in the 1800s. She got rich by traveling around with a carnival, and the stick was she would go, «Hey, pay your I don’t know, 10 cents or whatever, and try to make me smile.» And I think lots of people did. I mean, I looked at the line drawing in the paper, and she looked like she was pretty good-looking.
So I bet a lot of people paid their 10 cents thinking if they could make her smile, she' d go out with them. And she never cracked a smile, not even once. Well, it turns out she had paralysis of the facial muscles that allowed her to smile, right? And here’s the thing: I think sometimes we think about God like that-like God doesn’t smile. That’s almost there, honestly. There are some of you who are so churched that even the idea that I’m talking about making God smile makes you think, «I didn’t know this was one of those liberal progressive kind of churches.» It’s not, actually. We’re a Bible-driven church. And the Bible talks a lot about God being pleased. It talks a lot about God delighting. It talks a lot about God rejoicing.
But here’s what’s interesting: I’ve done the work, and I have not managed to find a place where it says that God rejoices over what we don’t do. That’s the appeasing part. And maybe God is relieved when we don’t do some of those things, but He rejoices when we do certain things right. I mean, the Bible says God rejoices when our hearts have the same rhythm, when our feet are moving in the same direction, when our eyes have the same focus, when we’re doing what God created us to do. We were made in the image of God; we were made to represent God in creation, and when we do that, can I just tell you, God smiles.
And that’s a really different way to think about living out your faith, isn’t it? Not so much appeasing God, but pleasing Him. But a lot of times in the church, we just get so focused on the don’ts, right? Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Don’t do them. Pretty soon we’re like, kind of like, everywhere I go, I’m going to don’t. And here’s what I love about what Paul says here-this is also so powerful. He says we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. He says you’re already kind of going in the right direction, and now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. I love that he says you guys are actually doing what I taught you to do. This is an «attaboy» moment.
All right, good job! Which honestly, you don’t really expect to hear that in church, do you? I mean, like, the preacher’s job is to make us feel bad about ourselves, isn’t it? But that’s actually not what Paul’s doing. And though Paul says, «Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to lean into how you’re living right. Lean into how you’re living right.» You’re doing some things right, and I want you to do it more and more. I want you to move forward. And I love that because a lot of times the way we think about following Jesus is this don’t, don’t, don’t-I’m starting what to do. And that’s not where breakthroughs come from, okay? Breakthroughs come from momentum, and momentum comes from movement. And movement means that we’re leaning into what we’re getting-moving in the right direction, moving with what the Spirit’s doing in your life, and you’re actually getting it right.
But we have a hard time even acknowledging that, right? I mean, let’s be real. How many of us know that we’ve got some areas in our lives that need some work? Come on! Let’s just be real. That’s easy. Everybody’s like, «Yeah, that’s me.» I mean, nobody’s like, «Well, I got it all down.» Here’s the harder one: Let me ask you this-how many of us know that our life is not a total disaster? There’s at least one area in our life where we’re actually getting it right. How many of us? That’s weird. That’s weird because the hands don’t go as high up. There are not quite as many hands. Some of you are like, «It feels wrong, right?» You’re like, «No, no, no, no. I can’t admit that I’m getting it right.» But that’s what Paul says. He says, «In fact, you’re now doing it, and I want you to do it. I want you to lean into how you’re living right»,
Can I tell you that the breakthroughs in life come not so much because we’re so focused on all the don’ts, but because we’re like, «This is where the spirit’s leading me; I’m starting to get this right. I’m feeling it. I’m getting in rhythm. I’m moving in the right direction. I’m going to do more of that.» And you find that you walk right out of some of those things that have you trapped right now because there’s momentum in your life. I love that.
Right? Listen, you know, it’s like I have a hard time driving by the doughnut shop without going in and buying a doughnut. So I’ve got to just try harder not to do that. I’ll take an alternate route. But there’s a doughnut shop everywhere. Have you noticed that? There are doughnut shops everywhere. So you’re trying really hard not to do that thing. But maybe, just maybe, you’re killing it in your prayer life. Maybe your prayer life is deep, fulfilling, meaningful, and you’re doing that right.
So how about this? Pray more. Pray right up to the last possible minute so that if you don’t get moving right now, say «Amen,» and get on the road, you’re going to be late to work. I don’t want you to be late to work; that doesn’t represent Jesus well. So I’m going to pray right to the moment that I do not have any extra time. I’ve got to keep praying while I drive to make sure there are no stoplights. I don’t want the devil coming after me with stoplights, and that’s the only way I’m going to get to work on time. Guess what? Doughnut problem solved.
It’s silly, I know, but you understand what I’m saying. Maybe the problem isn’t that you’re not focused enough on the don’ts. Maybe it’s the stuff that you’re doing that’s right. And maybe that’s where the breakthrough comes in, and you can move right out of some of those things that have you trapped. I just love what Paul says there. He says, «I want you to do this more and more.» He says, «Listen, like there’s some work that needs to be done. I’m not going to lie to you; you’re not perfect. I don’t think you’re perfect. I’m not looking at you with rose-colored glasses. I get it. There’s some work that absolutely has to be done. But before we get to the hard work, I want to give you a good word.»
And I want you to receive this good word. I think this applies to more people than you think. There’s something in your life that you’re getting right. There’s something in your life that is making God smile. And I want you to receive that. Yeah, there’s some hard work, but there’s a good word too. And Paul gives the good word, and then he says, «Okay, now let’s tackle the work.» He says, «For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans who do not know God.» He says, «Here’s the work we got to do. But remember the goal is, I want you to live a life that is pleasing to God.»
And he says here what a life that is pleasing to God looks like. It looks like being sanctified. It looks like what we call sanctification. And by the way, if you don’t know that word, sanctification is an old word that means a new you. It’s an old style word that basically means God wants to do a work in you that makes you into a totally new person. He wants to turn you into what He always created you to be and what, honestly, in your heart, you long to be, but you don’t know how to get there. And God says, «That’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to sanctify you.» It’s the gradual process of that.
By the way, when you say yes to Jesus, some things happen instantaneously, and then there are some things that happen gradually. Okay? And theologically, we have a word for the stuff that happens instantly; it’s called justification. And then we have a theological word for what happens gradually; it’s called sanctification. Okay? So justification is the instantaneous change in our status. It’s the instantaneous change in our status before God. Because I hope you know this: when you say yes to following Jesus, sins are forgiven. Is that good news for anybody? Yeah! Yes! You can clap on that one for sure.
And here’s the thing. You’re like, «Yeah, but I have a lot of sin.» It’s forgiven. Well, I’m still wrestling with some sin. It’s forgiven. I like-I don’t-I don’t. I’m going to try, but I don’t think I’m going to be perfect tomorrow. It’s forgiven. Past, present, future-God says, «As far as the east is from the west, so far have your sins been removed from you.» And it’s an instantaneous change in your status. You are forgiven in that moment. And, by the way, you’re adopted. That’s another change in your status. You say yes to Jesus-child of God. You say yes to Jesus-son or daughter of the king. It’s not a waiting period. There’s no «let’s try this out, let’s see how it fits.» We’ll have a 90-day review and see if this really works out for you. No, no, no-adopted. That’s good news, right? But then there’s some gradual stuff. There’s stuff that takes place over time, and one of those is He begins to work in us and change the way that we think, what we long for, what brings us joy, and how we go through life, right?
Okay, so justification is the instantaneous change in our status. Sanctification, what Paul’s talking about here, is the gradual change in our steps. It’s a gradual change in how we walk. We start to walk more like Jesus. We start to look more like Jesus or sound more like Jesus. So, instant change in our status, gradual change in our steps-make sense? Paul says, «Here’s what a life that pleases God looks like: you’re making progress; you’re in the process right now.»
Now, sanctification takes three things-no big surprises here. Okay, number one, it takes content. You can’t know how to move in the right direction if you don’t know what the right direction is. You can’t imitate Jesus if you don’t know what Jesus is like, right? If you haven’t heard what He does and what’s important to Him, it’s going to be really hard to imitate Him. Our comms team did this thing a few months ago; a lot of churches were doing it, I guess. They went around and made this social media thing. I didn’t see it at first, but one of my daughters found it and sent it to me. Apparently, they went to all of our staff and asked them, «What are some Craigisms? What are things that Craig does a lot?»
So, I watched this, and I had to see my staff do things like, and I was like, «I didn’t even know I did that. I had no idea that had become a habit.» And somebody was like, «Yeah, enough small steps in the same direction take you places you never thought possible.» I was like, «Oh, I do say that one a lot.» I do. And somebody else was like, «I want to talk to you about…» And I’m going to be honest; I watched that and got so insecure. Y’all, I was like, «I’m not going to be able to preach anymore because I don’t want to do that.» But then I thought about it and realized, «Well, at least they’ve been watching me.» I mean, they’ve been listening enough to pick that stuff up, right? They kind of studied me, right? And that’s what we have to do. We have to study Jesus. We need content. We need to know what it is we’re called to do so that we can at least get oriented in the right direction, right? We need content.
The second thing we need is community. We talked about this last week. We need other people around us who encourage us, inspire us, challenge us, and support us-all those things-so we can move forward. So, this last week we had Deeper for Women. I know hundreds of women are getting signed up in community Bible study groups. And then, you know, we’ve got Sharpen coming up this week for men. And we’ve got life group signups coming up; I think it’s next weekend. And then there’s — the one we talked about last week -there’s the kickstart thing where you can kind of do speed dating for life groups and try to find a group of people that are going to be weird, but maybe they’re as weird as you, and you’re weird at the same level together somehow, and you build some community there.
Okay, because you need that community, right? Okay, so you need content, you need community, and then what you need is cooperation. And this is really important, okay? Because a lot of times we think about being sanctified like, «I got to try really hard.» Like, if I just really grind-this is how you get a hernia. It’s not how you get sanctified, okay? But sometimes we think, " I just got to try really, really hard.» No, no, no, no. God’s going to do this work in you.
Okay, the Bible says, «He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.» He’s the one who’s going to do it. But the Bible also talks about not grieving the Spirit, okay? Not putting up obstacles that impede the Spirit’s progress in your life. In other words, we need to cooperate with the Spirit. I think about when my girls were little; sometimes Clutter would go out of town, and I was in charge of getting them ready for church on Sundays. Those were not good days, y’all. I was not great, especially with hair. Now, with my oldest, she was kind of compliant, so it wasn’t hard with her because that’s kind of how oldest kids are in general. How many oldest children do we have? How many of you would say, «I’m pretty compliant»? Yeah, and the hands go right back up because you’re like, «Yeah, if that’s what you want, I’ll do it.»
Youngest children, how many youngest children do we have? How many of you are really compliant? Yeah, not as many of you. Or maybe you are, but you’re like, «I’m not going to agree with you at this point.» And that just proves my point. You understand what I’m saying? Like Relle, not so much work, but like Len is a lot of work because she wasn’t super cooperative. Here’s the thing: I’m bigger, I’m stronger, and I have more perseverance; no question, we’re going to get to church, and you’re going to have clothes on. There was some question about how good she was going to look or how bad she was going to look by the time she got there. And there was also a question about how exhausted she and I were both going to be by the time we got there.
But when there was cooperation, it went smoother and faster, and everybody felt better about the process, right? That’s kind of it: «He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.» But when you get there, the question of how much progress you’ve made and how worn out you are might have to do with whether or not you’re willing to cooperate. Do you understand what I’m saying? That’s sanctification. He says, «This is how you please God. You’re going to be sanctified. You’re going to make progress. You’re going to keep taking those next steps of obedience.» And he starts with content, right? That’s where he starts. He says, «Now you know what instructions we gave you.» That’s content. And then he says that we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. I love that. He basically is like, «Just so y’all know, this isn’t me; this is God.»
The reason he says that is because what he’s going to say is so countercultural, it sounds crazy. And there are going to be people who are tempted to say, «What’s your problem, Paul? Why the condemnation? Why the judgment? Why the narrowness? What’s the deal?» Right? This doesn’t make sense in the culture we live in. That’s not how people are. What are you doing? And he says, «Listen, it’s not me; it’s not my preferences; it’s God’s principles.» Okay? So, by the way, I’m going to do exactly what Paul does. Is that okay? I’m going to tell you some things today, and some of you are going to go, «That sounds crazy. That doesn’t pay any attention to where our culture is.» I get it; it sounds so countercultural. It sounds crazy. But I’m just going to tell you what God says. I’m not going to add anything to it; I’m just going to tell you what God says. It’s hard.
What he says is, «I want to talk to you about sexual immorality.» Right? The room goes really still online. They’re like, «Let’s see what Steven Furtick is preaching on right now. It’s probably sexual.» But have you ever thought about this? I bet a lot of you haven’t. The existence of sexual immorality implies the existence of sexual morality.
Think about that for a second. Sexual immorality means there’s also sexual morality. There are actually good ways that sex can be experienced. It’s inherently a good thing, which I know we don’t always get right in the church. I mean, again, I grew up in the church, and I had this idea. Basically, what I got when people talked about sex was that it’s dirty, disgusting, and shameful, so save it for the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. That’s weird. That’s weird. And it’s not dirty, disgusting, or shameful because God invented it like that. I know that’s an uncomfortable thought for some of y’all, but you do know that God invented sex. It’s not like He made male and female and said, «What are y’all doing?» No, no, no. That was the plan. God created sex, and it’s supposed to be good. But like every good thing, if it’s taken outside of certain parameters, it becomes a bad thing.
In fact, it’s interesting to me how often sin is actually a really good thing taken outside of some boundaries where it was protected. And sex is one of those things. And so what a lot of times we don’t understand is that when we honor God with sexual morality, it’s good for us. Listen, don’t miss this: when we honor God, we experience good, and it is honoring to God. It’s right simply because it honors God. That should be enough. But as an added bonus, when we honor God, it’s actually good for us. And here’s what the Bible says about the parameters, okay? Again, I’m just going to summarize what the Bible says. There’s no condemnation. There’s no judgment. I’m not going after anybody; I don’t look for opportunities to do this. But I’m going to tell you what Scripture teaches because I love you, and I know this is good for you.
The Bible says that God created sex. He invented it to be experienced and enjoyed in the context of a lifelong committed marriage between a man and a woman. That’s what the Bible says. And anything that’s not that falls outside the realm where it’s not only not honoring God, but it’s also in the realm where it’s going to be harmful. You may not see it at first, but they' re little cracks at first. Like, I do woodturning, and sometimes I’m working on a bowl, and it’s spinning around, and there are little cracks opening up because it’s a little out of alignment. I don’t necessarily see them at first, and sometimes I stop it and look and I don’t see it, or maybe I think, «Well, there’s a little, but it’s not that big a deal.»
I was doing that the other day on something, and all of a sudden, it just blew apart. Fortunately, I was standing off to the side, but pieces went everywhere. If I’d been standing in front of it, it would have been a problem. And it was just because of these little micro cracks from the misalignment that I didn’t see. And I want to tell you that when we take sex outside the boundaries, that’s what’s happening, but you may not be seeing it yet. And so I tell you this because I love you. He created sex to be experienced and enjoyed in the context of a lifelong committed relationship between a man and a woman.
By the way, I said experienced and enjoyed. This is going to get uncomfortable for a second. When we actually honor God with our sexuality, He smiles. I know that’s weird, but it’s true. And sometimes what happens in the church is we hear verses like that, and then we immediately look out the window, right? Even though we talk about how we need to spend more time looking in the mirror than out the window, we look out the window and say, «Yeah, I can’t believe the world has gotten so bad.» People say to me all the time, " It’s never been this bad.» Yes, it has.
The world’s thinking about sex isn’t any worse now than it was honestly back in Jesus’s day. Israelite society was a little bit different, but wider Greek society was every bit as messed up as we are. In fact, I remember this from years ago, and I went and found it. This is a quote from a Greek philosopher named Diogenes. He wrote this around the same time period. He said, «Mistresses we keep for our pleasure, concubines for our day-to-day well-being, and wives in order to bear us legitimate children and serve as trustworthy guardians of our households.» So according to him, every man needs at least three.
And here’s the thing: if anybody said that today, everybody would crucify them. I don’t care if they’re liberal or conservative; they’d both be like, «You can’t say that! Democrat, Republican-no, no, no! That’s ridiculous.» The thing is, Diogenes wrote that, and everybody was like, «Yeah, what’s your point?» It was normal. They were like, «Yeah, that makes sense.» But here’s what I’m trying to tell you: is our culture wrong about the way they think about sexuality? Yes. But here’s the thing: our culture’s view of sex isn’t unusual, but it is unhealthy and immoral. It’s what God says because He loves you. But we have to stop going, «Well, the culture is the problem.» We have to start with ourselves.
And here’s the problem, and here’s the reason we have to start with ourselves: it’s not just about sex. Look at what Paul says next: " And that in this matter, no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins as we told you and warned you before.» And sometimes what happens is we read the last part of that verse and not the first part. We read the last part, and we’re like, «Yeah, God will punish the perverts; God’s going to get them.» But what’s He going to punish? Can I just tell you that the immediate antecedent for such sins is «no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.» And the Greek word translated there as «take advantage» is a word that basically means going beyond your blessing, seeking more than has been supplied, wanting more than has already been provided. It’s a selfish word.
And so what we need to understand, and I think we forget sometimes, is that sexual immorality is a manifestation of selfishness. Pay attention here: sexual immorality is ultimately a manifestation of selfishness. Why? Why do I say that? First off, because all sin is inherently selfish. Do you know that all sin is inherently, «I want to do what I want,» and all the consequences-well, whatever. How it affects other people-whatever. How it affects God — whatever, right? I want what I want. All sin is inherently selfish. Isaiah says, «We all, like sheep, have gone astray; each of us has turned to our own way.» And we quote that verse all the time to say, «Yeah, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,» right? Everybody sins. Yes, but he specifically says sin is rooted in going our own way. It’s selfish. All sin is inherently selfish.
The second reason sexual immorality is tied to selfishness is that sexual sin treats people as objects, not as the image of God. It treats people as objects, not as the image of God. But Genesis 1 says, «And then God said, 'Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, and over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.' So God created mankind in His own image; in the image of God, He created them; male and female, He created them.» And what that means is that human beings were created with almost inconceivable worth and significance and inherent dignity. We were made to represent God Himself. That’s what it means to be an image-we represent God.
Every human being you will ever know, every human being you ever wrong, every human being that you ever try to undermine for what you selfishly desire, no matter how it harms them, you are doing it against the image of God. And we would never do that except that we are selfish. And so sexual sin is selfish because it treats people as objects, not as the image of God. And the last reason is that sexual sin ignores how our choices affect others. We don’t even think about it. By the way, when I say we don’t even think about it, I mean we don’t even think about it when we’re doing it. But we also don’t think about how our thoughts about sex ultimately end up changing our marriage and our relationships. Even if it’s just in our thought life, it still does damage. But we think, «Well, what does it matter? I’m not actually doing anything to anybody.» Yeah, but you’re affecting relationships, and you don’t even recognize it.
Paul says no one should seek their own good but the good of others. Sexual sin is inherently tied to selfishness. And if you think I’m reaching, check this out: This is Ephesians 5:5. For of this you can be sure: no immoral, impure, or greedy person (such a person is an idolater) has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. It’s very similar to what he’s saying to the Thessalonians, right? There are consequences, there’s punishment. But did you notice he said «no immoral»?
Same root word that he uses in Thessalonians. Impure, or what’s that third word? Greedy. Why is greed thrown in with sexual immorality? Because sexual immorality is a manifestation of our greed, of our selfishness, of our self- centeredness. And this is where it gets hard, right? Because honestly, there are some of us thinking, «I’m good, I keep my sexual activity inside my lifelong committed marriage.» Great. Some of you, however, that’s not true. And right now you’re like, «That’s enough of the condemnation.» And can I just tell you something I love? Don’t confuse condemnation with conviction; they’re not the same thing. I’m telling you what God says. If the Holy Spirit’s speaking to you, that’s conviction. I love you; I want the best for you. But some of you are like, «I’m not making those mistakes,» but you’re selfish. I am. So I can’t get out from this completely. I mean, if he hadn’t gone to that other verse, I’d have been happier. But I am selfish.
And it’s so interesting; you know, Jesus says, «You’ve heard it said, 'Don' t commit adultery, ' but that’s a symptom.» Let’s drive back a little farther to the source. He says, «But if you commit lust in your heart,» right? If you entertain attraction, if you indulge in your thought life, I mean, that’s closer to the source. And then Paul says, «I’m going to continue. Jesus got us started, but he’s led me to say we need to go back one step further.» Okay, it’s not just adultery; it’s not just lust. I actually need to deal with the real source, which is the selfishness. And what’s interesting to me is sometimes we’re like, «I’m not making this mistake; I don’t have this symptom,» but I do have this symptom.
So, right, you know, maybe it’s the thought life, right? And so I’m looking at stuff that I shouldn’t be looking at, and I’m trying so hard not to do it, and I just keep coming back to it. I keep going to that website, and I keep doing this, and I just don’t know how to stop. And I want to suggest to you that maybe the problem is that you’re addressing the wrong issue. You’re pointing your prayers at a symptom, and you actually need to be praying against a source. And the source, he says, is selfishness. And I don’t think that’s anything any of us are going to be able to completely get out from under, right?
Paul says, «For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.» And I want you to understand that holiness is not just the absence of sexual immorality; the Bible doesn’t teach that. Holiness is a lot more holistic than that. Holiness is not just the absence of sexual sin; it’s the presence of selflessness. When we are truly free of the selfishness that gives rise to sexual immorality, then we are beginning to be holy. He says, «Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God; the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.»
And what Paul basically says here-and it’s so powerful-he says, «Listen, God models and makes possible the selflessness that makes him smile, the selflessness that makes him rejoice and delight. He models it; this is who God is.» You can’t say, «I’m going to follow Jesus,» and allow selfishness to go unchecked in your life. Because Jesus models a totally different way of living, right? I mean, God models selflessness.
«For God so loved the world that he gave"-that’s selfless. He gave his one and only Son. It didn’t matter what it cost him to pay for our sin; he gave it because he’s selfless. Jesus, using his favorite title for himself, said, «The Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.» That is selflessness; he modeled it. But here’s the good news: He also makes it possible. He says, «The God who gives you his Holy Spirit, the spirit of selflessness.»
And I know it’s hard. I know that we live in a world that encourages selfishness over and over and over again, almost every moment of every day, because that’s the spirit of the world. Selfishness is the spirit of the world. But do you believe that the Spirit who is in you is greater than the spirit of he who is in the world? The Holy Spirit can make you less selfish, and then another, a little bit less selfish, until eventually you are holy. And God delights not only in the end result; He delights in every single step in the right direction. And yes, enough small steps in the right direction will take you places you never thought possible. It’s good; I’m going to keep using it.
God, some of us are here today, and we recognize that we are not dealing with our sexuality in the way that You intended. And my prayer for those who are in that moment right now is that You would recognize conviction, not condemnation.
God wants better for you. And so, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I want to encourage you to take that conviction and change your direction. I know that’s going to be hard. I know that might involve a really hard conversation. It might involve an end to a relationship, but it might lead to the redemption of it. And regardless of how that turns out, honoring God is key to experiencing good. And so, you need to respond to that conviction of the Holy Spirit. And whether it’s in action or in thought, Lord, we are grateful for forgiveness. We’re grateful for Your Spirit that allows us to say, «Yeah, I’ve gotten it wrong, but with Your help, God, I’m going to start to get it right.»
And some of us are convicted today because we thought we were good. We haven’t done some of those things that we see out in the world. And now, as we recognize that the root is selfishness, we realize we' re not really off the hook. Lord, I know I’m not. I just think even this past week I had to blow up. I said some things that hurt people. And after I said I was sorry, and I repented to You, You spoke to me and told me that the reason it happened was because I wanted something. And it wasn’t wrong that what I wanted, but I wanted it so much that I was selfish in what I wanted and caused harm.
And so, I’m not preaching at anybody today, Lord. I’m standing in front of a crowd of people who recognize we’ve all got work to do, and we’re asking You to do that work in us. Lord, speak to us about where our selfishness is manifesting and strengthen us through Your Spirit. Give us the ability to start making steps in the right direction to leave it behind. And we’re just so grateful for the power of Your Holy Spirit that would enable us to do that. And Lord, as we continue to pray, I recognize there are people listening today who are saying, «I feel it. I know I’m selfish, but I don’t have the Holy Spirit you’re talking about.»
And if you’re not a follower of Jesus, you don’t. That’s one of those instantaneous things that happens when you say yes; the Holy Spirit comes into you. But if you don’t have the Holy Spirit, now that can change in an instant when you make the decision to follow Jesus, to put your faith in Him. And so, if you’re here today, listening to this message somewhere, and you’ve never done that, here’s how you do it: You say, «God, I’m sinful, and I’m sorry. Jesus, thank You for Your sacrifice. I believe You rose from the dead. I need You to change my status. Holy Spirit, come take up residence in my life because I’m choosing to follow Jesus from here on out.» Amen.