Craig Groeschel - What Your Marriage Is Missing
If you’re not married and hope to be married, I’d ask you, why do you want to get married? There’s some people who’d ask you, like, why do you want to get married? And I asked a bunch of people this week. Hey, do you wanna get married? I do. Not everybody does, but a lot of people do. And I said, «Why do you wanna get married»? And based on my non-scientific research, here’s what I found.
A lot of people said, like, «Man, I really want companionship. I wanna spend my life with someone that I love. I wanna share God with someone. I don’t wanna be alone». Other people said things, like, «I want stability and I want security. I wanna start a family. I wanna have kids. I wanna build a legacy». Two guys were just dead honest. They looked me straight in the eye and they said, «Pastor, I just want someone to have snacks with». They didn’t say snacks. They’re like, «I wanna watch Netflix and chill, but mostly chill».
So I was asking, like, «Why do you wanna get married»? And those are all good reasons. Some may be better than others, but I just want to show you and make sure you know that God did create marriage to be a blessing. It’s actually a picture of His love for the bride of Christ. And I wanna show you today what is perhaps the most important and yet most overlooked quality of marriages that honor God. Because marriage isn’t just about emotional connection, but it’s also about spiritual direction. And it’s not just about goosebumps and holding hands, but it’s about locking arms and pushing back the forces of darkness and shaping generations than creating a legacy that outlives you. You may not share, you may not say amen when I say it, but I promise you it’s powerful.
The most important quality of a marriage that honors God is a shared mission. And you didn’t go crazy and you didn’t shout because, like, oh yeah, shared mission. Do we have that, honey? I don’t know. And I want to talk to you about it because marriage isn’t just about finding a partner in life, but also about finding a partner in mission. And sadly, because of what culture has done to marriage today, devaluing it, belittling it, mocking it, most people are settling for way less. And when you settle for less, you don’t just miss out on having a good marriage, but you miss out on sharing a God-ordained mission. And so the title of this message is What Your Marriage Is Missing. Let’s pray:
God, thank You for every person here, single, dating, married, maybe even widowed or divorced. God, we thank You that You are the author of relationships and that we’re called to love You and love others. So, God, empower us with Your word to love well. And, God, for those with a heart for marriage or those that are married, would You draw us first close to You, God, and then close to one another that we could glorify you together in all that we do? And all God’s people said, amen and amen.
All right. Last week, we looked at cycle marriage, mafia marriage, crazy. If you missed last week, you picked a good week to miss is a bad marriage. This week, what I wanna do is I wanna show you my number one favorite marriage in the Bible. Honestly, it is. And we’re gonna look at a couple that’s not broadly known, but they shape the early church in a profound way. The couple is Priscilla and Aquila. How many of you know Priscilla and Aquila? Raise your hands. A lot of you know. If you don’t, you’re about to get to know them. What’s cool about this couple is they were not pastors, they weren’t prophets, they weren’t kings. They just had a regular job that they actually did together. They made tents, and they did ministry together. And they didn’t just build a life together, but they built a ministry together serving in this mission.
Now, if you haven’t heard of them, don’t feel bad because they’re only mentioned seven times in the Bible. What’s really, really cool is every time they’re mentioned, they’re always mentioned together. It would be like, «Hey, Craig and Amy, Amy and Craig, Craig and Amy, Amy and Craig». Never just Amy, never just Craig, Priscilla and Aquila, Aquila and Priscilla. Every time they’re mentioned, they’re mentioned together. And we’re gonna look at the several times they’re mentioned. We’ll look at the first time they’re mentioned in the Bible. And I wanna show you what we learn when we see them first. And then we’re gonna unpack some of the qualities in their marriage.
We see this in Acts 18:1, that Paul left Athens. So this is the famous Apostle Paul who wrote half a New Testament and started church as he left Athens and went to Corinth. There he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, who had recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla. Now, why were they there? Because Claudius, this is an emperor, had ordered all the Jews, all the Christian Jews to leave Rome. Paul, the Apostle Paul, went to see Priscilla and Aquila because he was a tent maker as they were. And he stayed and worked with them.
Now, what can we learn from that? Let me show you three things we learned from this. Number one, we learned that this couple, even though they had regular jobs, they were very important to the early church. Why? Because Paul, the apostle, the Paul, Paul the Apostle, the greatest church planner in history, chose to partner with them. He didn’t just like them. He didn’t just appreciate them. He just didn’t like their comments or like their posts on Instagram. No, he actually traveled to see them. He stayed in their home. He lived with them. And he ministered alongside. They were partners in ministry. The second thing we find is that they were willing to serve God wherever they were, wherever they were. Anytime you see them in different cities and we see they moved around a lot, they were always faithful to God there.
Remember we saw in the text of the Emperor Claudius said, «If you were a Christian Jew, you had to leave Rome». And so if you study their journey through the Bible, they moved from Rome, then to Corinth, then to Ephesus, then back to Rome. And everywhere that they went, they served Jesus together. They were influential, they served together. And finally, we see this. They serve God with a unified mission every time they’re mentioned together, every time they’re doing ministry, every time we see them with this mission. And it’s cool, not only did they do ministry together, but professionally they worked together, which I don’t always recommend. They were partners in tent making.
And I’ll tell you right now, and Amy will tell you true, we’re not exaggerating when we tell you we have a very good marriage, it’s very blessed. The glory of God is very, very, very, very, very, very blessed. But if we work together eight hours a day, one would be fired and the other one would be in therapy. I’m just saying. That’s not easy to do. And they were in ministry together and their marriage wasn’t just about, watch this, their happiness, and their new kitchen, and their Instagram worthy life, hashtag blessed. And it wasn’t just about their kids on a roll, kid in the fifth grade, wasn’t just about what they wanted. Their marriage was about, missionally, honoring God with all that they did. And every time you see them together, you see them together and you see them serving God.
Let me show you again. It’s all over the Bible, seven times. Roman 16 tells us this. Paul said this, he said, «Give my greetings to Priscilla and Aquila». I just love them. He calls them my coworkers in the ministry. «They’re my partners,» Paul says. In fact, I want you to see two things. First, Paul said, «They risked their lives for me». That’s a big deal. They risked their lives. And then he says, «I’m thankful to them, and so are all the Gentile churches». This regular couple who made tents for a living, all the Gentile churches were, like, «They’re amazing». And then he goes on to say, «Also give my greetings to the church that meets in their home».
So let’s look at that part first. There’s a church that meets in their home. Essentially, this ordinary couple, let me tell you what they were. They were life group leaders. That’s where they were. They literally led a life group. You may say now, what’s a life group? A life group is a group of believers that choose to do life together. Life groups, they’re anything you want them to be. Some meet on Monday nights at seven o’clock, some meet twice a month. Some go and repair motorcycles and read the Bible together and pray for each other. They’re built around what you need relationally with a spiritual focus of opening up God’s word and praying for each other and supporting one another because you can’t not do life alone. You weren’t created by God to do life alone.
And so it’s kind of obvious if you’re not married, like, going, «I wanted some friends to do life with. So if I’m single, I’ll probably do a life group». And it’s really good because you develop relationship and it’s good if you start dating someone 'cause you can bring the person you’re dating to your life group and the life group can vet them for you 'cause they love you. And if they don’t love that person, they’re like, «That’s not the will of God for your life». But it’s really good. And I’m not really joking. But if you’re married, you already have someone. So why do you need a community? And I’ll tell you why. Because a marriage without community is a vulnerable marriage.
Let me say it again. A marriage without community is a vulnerable marriage. A marriage without community is a marriage that leaves the door open for the devil to attack. And a marriage with spiritual community is a marriage that has spiritual strength to help the couple withstand the attacks from the evil one. And it was early on the church years and years ago, back when we only had only three kids, starter family for us, right? We had a life group, one of our early life groups, and it was this couple came for… I think it was their second time there. And we were so glad to have them. And you could tell they were really, really heavy emotionally. And so we said, «Hey, this is a safe place, if you wanna talk about anything». And they held back, they held back.
And finally, the tears burst open and she said, «You tell them». And he said, «I have been cheating on my wife». And they’re brand new to the group. And I was so proud of the love of God through this community. They just took this couple in, and prayed for them, and encouraged them. And another couple had been through that and said, «Hey, it’s horrible and we survived it, now we’re better». And prayed for them, and prayed for them, and prayed for them. And their marriage made it.
Well, we ended up moving on, did another life group. And probably 22, 23 years went by, and Amy and I were out at a restaurant, and we looked up and there were our old friends. And they came charging toward us and hugged us and so does their kids. And there were more of them and they were older and stuff. And they said, «Hey, I want you to know our life group back then saved our marriage». And I just thought to myself, yes, that it’s so true because a marriage without community is a vulnerable marriage. And a marriage with community has the spiritual strength of the people of God to help you through those difficult times.
And honestly, if you don’t have that, I don’t wanna make you feel guilty. I’m just gonna go, like, how do you do it? How do you do it without people praying for you? How do you raise kids without a community of spiritual strength around your children? How do you deal with the temptation? Where do you go when you’re hurting? Who’s there for you when you need someone? And what do you do when you have something to give and wanna be a blessing and don’t have anyone to give or bless? One of the most important things you can do for your relationship is to have a spiritual community.
And so for some of you, you’re not going great right now, what do you have to lose? Your next step might be to say, «Hey, let’s surround ourselves with like-minded Jesus' followers and commit our lives to serving Jesus and community». That’s the easy part. Someone over here is really excited about that. And I’m glad. I need about 15 guys like that guy. Amen, amen. That’s the easy part, community. There’s another thing we read that I kind of skipped past that said, «Priscilla and Aquila,» Paul said, «risked their lives for me».
What does that mean? They risked their lives. I don’t know how they did it, but what I will tell you this, it tells us that they were not casual Christians. And one of the greatest dangers for your marriage isn’t just an outright spiritual attack, but one of the greatest dangers and threats to your marriage is drifting into casual Christianity. That’s right. And we see it all the time. It’s all over culture. And I’m not proud to say, but I have to say it’s all over our church. Some of you, you’re Christian in name, but not in lifestyle. And it’s crazy because I lived this way growing up. But we would go to church, but we wouldn’t necessarily let church shape our family. We would be in the place of God, but that let God conform us to the image of Christ.
And so some of you, it’s like you are not rejecting, but you’re not pursuing Him either. And if your marriage doesn’t look different from the people on your street that are not Christians, it’s probably not different. So you have to look at it. You go, are we different or do you watch the same shows full of lust and violence to take God’s name in vain and call it entertainment? What about money, your resources? Do you do like everybody else, spend it all maybe more than all and not think about honoring God with it, no plan of generosity? no kingdom impact because you just give into the lives of the world and say more is gonna make me happy? What about raising kids? Do you have a different philosophy or is it like everybody else that says success is just good grades and excelling in sports and getting a good education with no thought of God’s calling on the lives of your children?
And then how does culture define love? Well, if it feels good, do it. And it doesn’t matter what God’s word says about it. If it meets your needs, you do it. And hey, I’ll stay with you if we’re in love as long as you meet my needs, but if you stop, I’m out. And so if your relationship doesn’t look different from the worlds, you kind of have to ask yourself, is it? So now’s a part where you’re going, like, «Oh, we suck». Now, I don’t want that, okay? What I wanna do is I want to give you hope because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. You may be convicted, but it’s only to draw you to the things of God. And so the bottom line is, listen, you will give your life to something.
When you’re married, you’re gonna… Whatever it is. It’s your career. It’s your perfect yard. It’s the image that you want. Whatever it is, you’re gonna give your life to something, you’re gonna do it. Why don’t you give your life to something that lasts? Why don’t you just choose it? And why don’t you… I know marriages are complicated, maybe you’re not getting along right now, but why don’t you just even acknowledge it and say, okay, we’re not really getting along right now, what if we tried to apologize and ask ourselves, what could we do together to make a difference? Where could we be unified to be missional in what we do? You may say, okay, I kind of want it. I don’t know if she… I don’t know if he… But I kind of want it. How do we get it?
I wanna look at Priscilla and Aquila and I wanna tell you right now, nowhere in the Bible doesn’t say this. And yes, I’m reading into it, so don’t call me a heretic. I acknowledge reading into it, but I can almost guarantee you, I promise you, by human nature and studying people forever, I can almost promise you they had a conversation, multiple conversations around what mattered to them. I’m imagining this, I’m just making it up. She says, «Hey, we need some time alone». He says, «Hey, let’s do a little getaway to a quiet coastal town along the Mediterranean». He’s like, «Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes».
So they go to VRBO, they book the place. And they’re sitting there on day number two and they’re having bed and breakfast or whatever it is. And Aquila says, «Hey, we haven’t been getting along that great lately. Let’s talk about what we really value. And we were in love years ago, right? I bet we can get there again. Let’s try to remember what’s important to us. What do we really care about? If our kids described us years later, what do they wanna say? Like, mom and dad were about this». Now, why does it matter? Why do you need to be unified around something? Because if you’re not unified, if you don’t have any clear direction, you’re gonna drift in the direction of the world and the world’s drifting away from God.
So if you haven’t clarified what really matters to you, you are never gonna live a life that really matters to you. And so what do we see them doing over and over again? There are seven times they’re mentioned in the Bible. And every time, they’re together. And every time, they’re doing ministry together. And almost every time, we see them doing ministry in their home. So I’m imagining, they said, «What do we value»? And they’re like, «Well, we love doing things together. We just love doing things together». And then maybe the wife said, «Well, we like hosting. We got a nice home. And we really work to… We love when people come over. We’re the house everybody wants to be at. And we really love doing ministry together».
So maybe Aquila went up to a whiteboard and wrote on there. Well, let me tell you what we value. We value… The first thing is unity of mission. And we value hospitality, and we value discipling others. If you look at the way they lived, seven times mentioned in the Bible, they had to have some type of conversation because they’re always unified, they’re always hosting, and they’re always discipling others. Let me show you again. They went to their church one day and there was a guest speaker, his name was Apollos. I’m kind of modernizing this, but you’ll see what I say here. Here’s what it says. Apollos began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Priscilla and Aquila heard him, what did they do? They invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately.
What’s happening? Look, this guy’s got potential, but he needs some theological training. And so since we love being together and since he needs a little help, let’s bring him over to our home, make him a grilled cheese sandwich and let’s give him some theological training. If you find yourself wondering, like, why aren’t things working? Are we missing something? Maybe we’re not unified. Maybe we don’t have this drive. Maybe we don’t have this mission. What do we do? Well, I promise you, there are two forces that will unite your marriage every single time. There are two forces. What are they? A common enemy will unite you and a common mission will unite you. Everybody say amen. Amen.
Somebody picks on your kid and you see mama bear and papa bear come out of town. There’s a common enemy, and you get in it together. A common enemy and a common mission will unite you. And how many of you know that those things are often very similar? Common enemy? On a side note, Amy and I have a common enemy. It is the thermostat. She likes it at 74 and God’s will is 68. Pray for us, you all. Pray for us. It’s a thing. Cast that demon of 74 out of my house, get behind me. Fire, God. You know, whatever. On a more serious note, if you find an enemy worth fighting against, you often find a mission worth fighting for. And so how do you do it? You can get together and you talk. You go to dinner. You go for a walk. You tend to build marriages best in non-conflict time. You’re not heated, you’re not in a fight. You may not even get along well, but it’s non-conflict time.
Let’s just talk. What would unify us? And you ask yourself three questions. You ask yourself, hey, what do we both love? What matters to us? What brings us joy together? And you can ask yourself, what do we both hate? What gives us a righteous anger? What do we love and what do we hate? And then you just ask yourself, what are we gonna do about it? If we have this common enemy and this common love, this common mission, maybe God put us together to do something about it. What are you gonna do about what God put in you? We have several things like this. And if there’s anything good about our marriage, it’s that we’re in mission together. Not just like pastor of the church. Like, we were doing this before we were pastor of the church.
That’s one thing. Branch 15 is another thing. Amy hates when women don’t have a chance to recover. And I love her ministry and together we’re doing this thing. Maybe the biggest thing that’s most obvious is we have six grown children, all married, all serving God, all in the church. How did that happen? Not by accident, by a lot of prayer and by the grace of God, promise you. Here’s what we hate. We hate seeing children dragged away from God with the spiritual lies of the devil to where they’re anxious, depressed, suicidal, confused about their sexuality, cutting themselves, not wondering if they wanna live, have no real friends, no community, and no hope. We hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I tell people all the time, if I couldn’t be the senior pastor here, I would be a youth pastor because I love that. I love it. We love it together.
So we had six kids. And we looked at there and said, our driving mission is gonna be help them thrive spiritually. The devil’s gonna try to take them away, not on our watch, not our kids, not on our watch, not our kids. We’ll pray them together. We’ll design their whole lives around mission. Not sports, and I was a college athlete. Not sports, and I love sports. Not education, and I have a master’s degree. I love education. Not around this stuff. In fact, we had a couple boys that were on a traveling soccer team that didn’t have the best influence, so we put them on a lesser team. Why? Better coach, better influence. Why? You can’t control who their friends are, but you can control the environment you put them in. Did they go on to play college soccer? No, they went on to do ministry. That’s a win. College soccer, when you’re bold for Jesus, is also a win. But we made a decision that way.
And so everything we designed around trying to help create an environment that would help them grow spiritually, it’s not an accident. And we did it together and it wasn’t easy. And it took the whole church. And it’s still miraculous, still miraculous in the culture. We can’t even brag. Like, well, we did a few things right and God showed up and did the rest, right? So what do you love? What do you hate? And what are you gonna do about it? Some of you, you love food. It’s a good thing. You love cooking. And you hate when people are alone. So what do you do? Go, «Hey, you know what, let’s make meals for people when they have a baby. Let’s make meals for people whenever they come out of the hospital. Let’s just use our gifts to go and bless people».
It’s a good thing. You love financial stewardship. You hate debt. You used to be in debt, and you got sick of being in debt, so you got outta debt. And now you love being free and you hate debt and say, oh, you know what, let’s mentor other people to help them get out of debt. Or you’re, like, you love kids and you love family, and you love home. And it wrecks your heart when kids don’t have a home and when they’re broken with no hope. And so maybe you’re like, oh, maybe we’re called to foster or maybe we’re called to adopt. Remember the couple I told you about from our life group? You know what they hate? They hate infidelity. They hate sexual betrayal.
And you know what they love? They love that God is a God of restoration. And God can heal broken marriages. You know what they do on the side of their tent making is that they help other couples who’ve been through this to show them that God is a God that can restore. That is mission. That is ministry. You don’t have to work for a church. You don’t have to go overseas. You just have to agree that together we hate this, we love this, and God’s called us to do something about it. You can clap for that if you want to, not for me, but for the goodness of using what God has given you to make a difference. So I told you this series is for everybody. Say, well, Groeschel, I’m not married, this sermon sucks.
What’s in it for me? Okay, how does it apply to me? And I would say this, I asked early on, like, if you want to get married, not everybody does not. Not everybody’s called to it. And we acknowledge that some people are called to serve God in singlehood and do it really, really well. And that’s a gift. But if you are called to marriage and you want a godly marriage, I would say this, if you want a God honoring mission-driven marriage in the future, live a God-honoring mission-driven life today. That’s right. Do it today. That’s for you. Because what we see a lot of times is, you see a 22-year-old, 25 year, like, «I just wanna have fun today. I gotta go out and see the world and so my wild oats. I’m gonna have some fun today. And we’ll serve Jesus later».
And I tell you right now, you don’t build a life of righteousness on a foundation of sin. You serve Jesus today. Well, how am I gonna meet someone? How am I gonna get somebody? Here’s what you do, you just seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. You seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. What you do is you walk towards Jesus, literally. You just walk to… You’re like I wanna pursue Him, I wanna honor Him, I wanna serve Him, I wanna be put Him first. You walk towards Jesus. And then every now and then, keep your eyes on Jesus every now and then. Use your peripheral vision. Look to the left, look to the right, see if there’s anybody cute walking to Jesus too.
This isn’t in the Bible, but this works. I promise you, just stick with me. You walk toward… And you just look over there and there’s someone cute. And if they smell good, and if you like them, and if they’re walking toward to Jesus together, at some point you just say this, you quote in the Bible, and you say, here’s the Bible. The Bible says, hey, come, let us exalt His name together. And he grabbed her hand and you just exalt him together. And you say, well, Craig, how do I know if this is the person I’m supposed to marry? I’m just dead practical in my advice. Are you attracted to them? That’s ungodly. Actually, it’s not 'cause when you get in a fight, you want to be attractive.
At least I’m still attracted to you 'cause you’re ticking me off right now. It’s not godly. That’s just practical. Are you attracted to them? Do you enjoy time with them? And then ask yourself this question, should I get married? Ask yourself this question. Can we serve God better together than we can apart? And if the answer is yes, I ask myself, hey, can Amy and I serve God better together and make it apart? And the answer is yes. And I saved up my money and I bought her the ring. Can we serve God better together? So what about you? What if you know there’s more and they’re tired or settled for less?
Well, what is more? God doesn’t just want you partners in life. He wants you to be partners in ministry. And so what do you do? We talked about several things. Just take a step. It might be a life group. A marriage without community is a vulnerable marriage. It might be a life group. It might be that you’re not gonna be a casual Christian.
You say, we actually wanna be different from this world. It might be of a very real conversation, saying, what do we value? What do we both love? What do we hate? And then we just say, hey, let’s do something about that. And guess what? If you’re anywhere in there, like anywhere in there, you don’t have to get it perfect because what are you doing? You’re seeking God. And He’s a part of it. And when He’s a part of it, He tends to direct it. And so you just seek Him. Because marriage was never meant to be just about love, but marriage was meant to be about mission.
So, God, do a work in us today. For those that are hurting, God, build our faith. We look to You and we put You first.
Today, at all of our churches and online, no matter what your relational status is, if you are a follower of Jesus and you wanna be more mission-minded, you wanna be more mission-minded no matter what your status is, I wanna be more mission-minded and serving Jesus. Would you look to your hands right now? All over the place, lift them up. Every Christian online, type in the comment section, I wanna be more mission-minded.
Holy Spirit, give us eyes to see those who need what you’ve put in us. Show us, God, the righteous things that we hate and the things that you’ve called us to love and make a ministry out of it, God, in our communities, in our life groups, in our daily life. God, make us more mission minded.
If you keep praying today, those of you that don’t know where you stand with God, I wanna tell you that God sent Jesus on a mission to seek and save the lost. And He’s inviting you today, not into religion, not into rules, not into checking a box. He came for You to give you a new life and literally a new mission. If your life is built on yourself, you’re always gonna be empty. But if you build your life around seeking Him, scripture says that anyone is in Christ as a new creation, the old is gone, the new is come.
If you’re tired of living for yourself and tired of living for the things that don’t last and tired for chasing all the lies of this world and coming up empty, it’s time to come home to God today, who is Jesus, the son of God who gave His life and rose again so your sins could be forgiven and you could live today at all of our churches and online. You know something is missing. You have a God-shaped void filled only by Jesus. Step away from your sin. Step toward the grace of Jesus. Call on His name. And when you do, God hears your prayers. He forgives your sins. He makes all things new today. At all of our churches and around the world, those who say I need Him; I’m turning from my sin; I surrender my life to Jesus; Jesus, I give you my life; that’s your prayer, lift your hands high now.
All over the place, lift them up and say, yes, that’s my prayer. Right back over here, God bless you, guys, ma’am. Praise God for you right here and right here as well. Others today say, yes, Jesus. Right back over there. Others say, yes, I call… Oh, come on, church. God is moving in this place. We give you praise, God. Others say yes to Jesus. I need you. Online, type in the comment section, I’m surrendering my life to Christ, I’m surrendering my life. Type it in the comment section, Jesus, I’m surrendering. Pray with those around you. Hey, this is the beginning community. Guess what? Welcome to the family of God. Right now, pray:
Heavenly Father. I need your forgiveness. Jesus saved me. Be the Lord of my life Be the Lord of my life. Fill me with your Holy Spirit so I could be different, and new, and know you. My life is not my own. You’re my Savior. You’re the Lord of my life. Thank you for new life. I give all of mine to you. In Jesus' name, I pray.