Chris Hodges - Fight Right
What’s going on everybody? Who’s glad to be in church today, anybody? Oh, put your hands together and give God some praise in this place! It’s awesome. It’s really, really good to see you guys. Welcome to week number four of a six-part series on a verse-by-verse study of the Song of Solomon. Tell you more about that in just a second, but as always, let me take a moment, look straight in the camera, say hello to all of our locations, our campuses in Georgia and in Alabama, the great state of Alabama. God bless you guys. We’re so glad you’re here and along for the ride today. And of course, we are in all 28 of Alabama’s Department of Corrections Facilities. What an honor that is.
Come on, yeah, I know you wanna go ahead and clap. I felt it coming. And of course, there are people right now that are watching live online and maybe later on demand, and we’re glad you’re with us as well today, and it’s just really so good to see you guys. I’m delighted to be back and to be in this installment of our series. I will let you know that I’ve had some amazing meetings since the last time you saw me. Literally, the day after we made the transition of roles announcement, I was in California with about 300 people who’ve never heard about Highlands College and was able to make a presentation to them, and I’ve done two or three others since then, and y’all, we already raised several million dollars toward Highlands College. Can we give God all the praise, everybody?
So, it’s exciting, very exciting. All right, you have your app or your Bibles and you can follow along. This is a verse-by-verse study of the Song of Solomon. Our theme verse is found in chapter 1, verse 1, where it says, «Solomon’s Songs of Songs». The Bible actually records in the book of Kings that, that Solomon, the son of King David, wrote 1,005 songs, and basically, Song of Songs means of all the songs that he wrote, this one was the best. And of course, it ends up in the Scriptures because it gives us God’s view of human love and relationships.
And so we’re in this six-week relationship series, and basically, the goal of the series is found in this first verse when she says… there are actually three people or groups that speak in this, in this poetic metaphor, poem, and song that he wrote. There’s Solomon himself. There’s the Shulamite maiden, that’s the female in the story. And then there’s this, what the Bible calls a chorus of friends. I like to call them like the Instagram followers. They’re everybody that are watching. They’re watching the relationship play out, and they’re commenting on it like people do.
And so I’ll make sure to tell you which one is speaking, because it kind of changes from time to time. But basically, she starts off, no surprise, the lady starts off, all right, «Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth,» and then she makes this proclamation, and I would, I would challenge you that this is the goal, «the way you love, or your love, is more delightful than wine,» like, you figured it out. She was praising him for being an expert in relationships. And I don’t think there would be anybody in this room who would say, «I, Yeah, that’s me too, I’m an expert». But I would love for all of us to make that our goal, that we’re allowing God to make us better by following his way to do relationships, that the goal is, it’s like, «Man, I’m a better husband than I used to be, I’m a better father than I used to be, I’m a better boss than I used to be, I’m perfecting, I’m letting God change me and make me into this person that’s really good with relationships».
And it goes on and says, «Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes,» and I love this, «your name,» that’s your reputation. So in other words, when people think about you as a husband, dad, father, mom, whatever you are, and if I ask them, how are you as that role, what would they say? What is your reputation? And I do say that to kind of convict all of us. I think all of us need to realize that we have some growing that we could do. And some of you guys have already resigned yourselves to the fact that, «That is just who I am. I’ll never change». And I’m telling you, the whole essence of the gospel is that Jesus can do a work on the inside of us. Can I hear a good «amen,» everybody?
Like, I want you to open up your heart, I really do. I want you to say, «Lord, would you make me into this example, this model person that knows how to love people»? It’s, «Your name is like perfume poured out,» and she says, «No wonder all the other women want you,» but they can’t have you, because you’re all mine. She’s like, «They can’t have you,» and she’s celebrating that, and I want Tammy to say that about me. I want the people that work for me to say that about me. I want my friends to say that about me.
So, what we’ve covered so far is week number 1, I kicked this off in this verse-by-verse study in chapter 1. We talked about the art of attraction, and most people begin attraction physically. There’s nothing wrong with being physically attracted, but it shouldn’t be the first thing. And so we talked about the order of attraction. Go back and watch that if you missed it.
Week number 2, Pastor Mark picked it up and talked about the part of the story, chapter 2, where they’re actually in their dating relationship, and they’re preparing for marriage and how, how we need to keep ourselves pure and keep that in line, perfect message, especially for singles or those that are engaged. Last Sunday, I intentionally left town and let Mark do the honeymoon night. And, and so, he got all the spicy material, praise God for that. If you missed it, it’s the honeymoon night, and it’s, it’s spicy. It’s very spicy because they enjoy one another all night long. That was not Lionel Richie. That was God, everybody, okay?
So I’m just letting y’all know. Go back and watch that. He did a masterful job at explaining the text. I’m gonna pick it up from there, and before I do, I wanna remind you of the ground rules that I laid out the first week, all right? And that is, I’m gonna just give you two of them. One of them is, be sure to listen for yourself, not the person sitting next to you. And all the men said, «Amen,» all right? So no elbowing, no, «Write that down right now, that’s for you». Like, no, none of that. «Preach it brother,» don’t. You know, I don’t mind a little response but not for that reason, okay, everybody?
So make sure you’re listening for you. This is all for you. This is not for anybody else. This is for you. Make sure you do that. And the second thing I would remind you of is that our God is the God of all things new. Can I hear a really good amen right there, okay? He’s a fresh start God. He’s a do-over God. He’s a second-chance God. The world won’t give you second chances, but God will, absolutely will. And my favorite line in the wedding vows is, «From this day forward,» and I want you to have that mindset, «From this day forward». I was terrible at it in the past, can’t unscramble those eggs, but from this day forward. Everybody say that line, «From this… day forward».
Yeah, from this day forward. I’m not gonna look back, and let’s try not to look back. I’m gonna talk more about that in just a second. But let’s make sure we’re thinking about, okay, from this day forward, I’m gonna do better at this. The Song of Solomon has eight chapters. We’ve already covered four of them in the first three weeks. The next two, chapter 5 and 6, two chapters devoted to, they just got back from their honeymoon, and they’re already in a fight, okay, everybody? And so, that, and so, 25% of the book is conflict, which is about 25% of marriages is probably some conflict in there. And I say that to you to encourage you that the Bible never holds you up to a standard that you can’t reach.
The Bible admits, no, you’re gonna have, you’re gonna have conflict. It’s just gonna happen. In fact, I heard this not too long ago, where they said, «Marriage is like a deck of cards. It begins with two hearts and a diamond, and by the end of the thing, you’re looking for a club and a spade». Come on, everybody, right? So, just be careful. I waited all week to say that. That is so funny, all right. And by the way, if you think Tammy and I have a perfect marriage, we don’t. We, in fact, we don’t fight that much, honestly, but we actually had one recently, and I had Tammy crawling on her hands and knees, everybody. And she looked under the bed and said, «Get out and fight like a man right now».
So anyway, I worked on that one too. Can you tell? Yeah, all right. The joy of the Lord is my strength, everybody. I do wanna let you know that, and I say this to encourage you, that if you say, «Oh man, we fell out of love over, you know, it’s just not there anymore,» that’s the cycle everybody goes through. There’s, all relationships begin with this honeymoon phase. By the way, do you know where the word «honeymoon» comes from? Honey is sweet and the moon phase is 29 days, so its literally means «sweet month,» and that’s about how long love lasts, right, those emotions, just 29 days, what happened, you know? Okay, and so, be encouraged. It wasn’t ever supposed to be maintained just on emotions, chocolate, flowers, you know? You gotta figure some things out.
And actually, I’m gonna talk more about it later about just sticking it out, in a way, where you can actually get to the best part of relationships, because it’s all going to just disillusionment. «You’re not who I thought. You’re not, this is not what I, really, this is what you look like without makeup? Oh my God». You’re like, «You know, this is not what I thought». You know, you thought you married Beyonce, and you found out you married Shrek. You know what I’m saying? Like, okay, I worked on that one all week too, so. Yeah, it’s just like, «Oh my goodness, I didn’t know. I didn’t know you were gonna be this mean. I didn’t know you’re… when you don’t… here, eat some food, please». You know what I’m saying? «I didn’t know about hangry. I know that now».
I’m actually working with a couple in our church, been spent a little time on it yesterday, where, you know, they’ve been married a couple years, and kind of the like, «Oh my goodness, this is not the guy,» the girls actually said, «This is not the guy that I thought I’d married. What happened here»? Well that’s just common. It happens to every single one of us. There’s this disillusionment phase. And this is where you have a decision to make, and I’m gonna try to help you out with the decisions, that if you make some decisions at this point, because you’re gonna have this, okay, if you make some decisions, you can get to this beautiful thing that goes way beyond romance, and it’s called commitment.
And commitment has an emotion all its own that is so satisfying and so real, and I wanna help you get there, okay? Because the ones that stick it out, the ones that endure, the ones that work it out, I’m gonna talk today about how to fight right, because you’re gonna fight. You just need to fight right. So let’s get ready to rumble. Here we go, all right? Song of Solomon, so we’re in chapter 5 now. Watch what happens. So she’s in bed. «I slept,» but she’s still awake, «but my heart was awake».
Now, he’s late, he didn’t come home on time. I don’t know if it’s softball, or working late, or, you know, at the bar with the friends, I don’t know, but he didn’t come home on time, and she’s not happy about it. So she’s in bed, but she’s not asleep. And she says, all of a sudden, «He’s knocking on the door,» because he forgot his keys, basically. He’s like, «Hey, I’m back home, and I left my keys. Let me in». And he says to her, «Open to me,» and that open to me was not just the door. He was coming home wanting some loving too. He was late and wanting some loving. And he said, «Open to me,» and his names all here, his pet names for her, «my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one».
I mean, he’s making an advance, and she’s gonna stiff-arm him, you know? And so he says, «My head is drenched with the dew, my hair with the dampness of the night». In other words, «I’m out here, stuck outside without my keys. I need you to let me in». And she says, «Uh-uh, I’ve already taken off my robe, must I put it on again»? Now that’s Hebrew for «I got a headache,» you know what I’m saying? Like, okay. And so, she says, «I’ve washed my feet, must I soil them again»? I’m not getting up. And it makes him really mad, and this is where Solomon kind of blows it. I’ll just let you know, he blew it too, «And he puts his hand through the door,» she’s mad, «and through the latch-opening,» and she says, «my heart began to pound,» and that wasn’t the good kind. That was the, «I’m afraid right now».
And so, she finally figures out it’s probably best to go ahead and open the door. And so, «She arose to open the door for the lover,» and she goes, «and my hands were dripped with myrrh,» now myrrh is a sweet spice, so, she was basically coming to the door going, «Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,» okay? «And my fingers were dripped with myrrh, on the handles of the lock. But when she opened it, he had already left». He took off, okay, so, they’re having their first fight. Are y’all encouraged by God’s Word? I mean, come on, this is the Bible, okay. This happened in the Bible. «And he was gone. And my heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called but he did not answer,» okay?
So what I wanna show you is this, they had a bad fight, and they were both wrong for different reasons. And but what they did to resolve it is what I want to show you, because now they make some great decisions, and I’m gonna show you what these are out of the text. And I’m gonna give you even a few that Tammy and I, over 39 years of marriage, everybody, okay, have figured that out, right? And yeah, and so, we’ve had to figure out some things as well, and I wanna show it to you, and it begins in chapter 6, verse 1. And the friends, now this is that chorus of friends, this is the Instagram followers, they say, «Where has he gone, where is he, most beautiful of women? Which way did your lover turn, that we may look»?
So we’re gonna help you find him, and she says, «He went down to the garden,» and that’s huge, because the garden would have been his prayer place. You know the song, «I come to the garden alone while the dew is still in the ro…» like, «That’s the place where I walk with him, talk with him, and he tells me I’m his own». And what Solomon did right is he knew how to cool off, basically. And he not only cooled off just naturally, but he spent time with God spiritually, and he renewed his love for her, renewed his love for God. And it’s a missing ingredient in fights, okay? It’s where we don’t just say, «It’s her»! «It’s him»! No, no, no, «It’s me, and I’m gonna go to God».
In fact, I don’t have time to study it, but if you read James chapter 4, the first few verses, for you guys who wanna read a extra, a few extra things in your Bible, it talks about «What causes fights and troubles among you. Don’t they come from the conflicts that battle within you? You kill and you covet». You have not because you don’t ask God, not the person. You forgot to go to God in that moment, and that’s what he does right. «He goes to the bed of spices, to browse in the garden, to gather lilies. I am my lover». So now he’s reaffirming, «Man, I know why I love her. I know I’m mad right now, but I know why I love her». «I am my lover’s and my lover is mine; he browses among the lilies».
I wanna give you three things. I want you to take write these down. These will help you change your life if you implement them. And number one, and that is «I’m gonna respond with wisdom. I’m not going to react with emotion». Now, I’m an emotional person. If you really wanna know me, I can get so fired up so fast, and I can get over it. My one quality is I can get over it real fast. And so it’s like, once I say my piece, it’s like, «Hey, let’s go get pizza,» you know what I’m saying? I’m ready to change the subject. You know, I can get over something fast, but I am a person who can react with emotion. And what God is calling Chris Hodges to do and I’m calling you to do, is that when you feel all of those emotions that want you to reenact what happened, that’s what «react» means, I’m gonna re, I’m gonna rethink it, re-say it, run in there and say it to you again why you’re wrong, I’m gonna react, reenact the story, instead, I’m gonna respond with wisdom.
Wisdom’s different than knowledge. Knowledge is knowing what to do, wisdom is doing it. Wisdom is the ability to not just know what’s right, I have figured out a way to make it right. And Solomon went to God. And I’m begging some of you guys, especially that are the hot tempered one in the family… usually in a conflict, there’s somebody who wants it resolved very fast, and there’s other one who really needs a little space, and I’m gonna teach you how to, how to reconcile the two in a little bit. But when you’re in that place, you have to have your go-to, I call it a pre-fight decision. And Tammy and I have some pre-fight decisions so that we can be people of wisdom instead of reaction. Are y’all following me, everybody?
Now Jesus, the one we’ve sworn our lives to, modeled this for us, and he was never in the wrong. He was always in the right. And it says in 1 Peter, «When they hurled insults at him, he did not retaliate,» and he was right, they were wrong, «and when he suffered, he made no threats». A lot of relationships make, «If you just say that one more time, I’m gonna». Instead, watch this beautiful line. I wish you’d just brand this into your heart and into your lifestyle. «Instead, he entrusted himself to Go», he when he felt like saying it, felt like retaliating, felt like threatening, he, «God, help me right here». And if more of us would do that, put ourselves in that place of going to God, «who judges righteously and justly,» in other words, God will handle it, if you’ll let him. Why don’t you let God just work in you? Come on, say «amen» right there, everybody. This is very important.
And so I wanna give you some of the secrets about how to actually do this. Tammy and I put together a pre-fight list years ago when we were first having children. Again, we’ve never really fought much, and it’s actually very, very rare, and I give Tammy the credit for all of that, but we actually made some decisions a long time ago. They were, they were pre-fight decisions. And by the way, the reason why you need a pre-fight decision is that you’re not gonna want to do any of this in the fight, so you got to have a pre-fight plan, so when you’re… I would actually encourage every couple that when everything’s going great, they say, «Hey look, next time we fight, let’s have some ground rules here, some pre-fight». And the first one is «never put it off».
Now I am the one that needs to cool off. Tammy is the one that needs immediate reconciliation. She just wants it over. Her line is, «Can we just be friends»? So I don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t wanna talk about how it happened. And I’m the guy like, «No, no, no, it’s gonna happen again if we don’t talk about it». Like, I wanna go over it all again so we can get some things right. I wanna learn. I actually wanna learn from it. Like, «No, no, no, can we just still be friends? Let’s be friends, you know? 'Jeopardy’s' on. Let’s be friends,» you know, like, you know, okay. But so we both have different needs that do not, I’d be like, I need time, and she wants it now.
So our pre-fight plan is we don’t put it off, and we don’t put it off by «let me have some time,» but «at this time,» and we actually state a time. We’re gonna come back, and we are gonna satisfy your need there. So I don’t just say, «Later, just give me some time to cool off». No, «It’s at 7:30 tonight. Just give me an hour or so,» right? So, never put it off. Second one is «never call names». Okay, you gotta, you gotta get out of, «You idiot, you dummy, you stupid». Like, you can’t call them names. And by the way, parents, never call your kids names, «You big dummy». Don’t say that, because people tend to become what the most important people in their life say they’ll become. Instead, by the way, «Speak things that are not as though they were,» the Bible says. «You’re beautiful, you’re wonderful».
No, they’re not. Yeah, but if you’ll say it. I say it to my kids every day, they’ll tell you, several of them are in the room right now, every day when they walked out, I said to them, «You’re a champion, you’re a leader, you’re gonna change the world, your world’s not gonna change you». Now, that is not the names I had in my head, come on, y’all, everybody, right? They were giving me every reason, they gave me some great material from time to time, actually. But no, «You’re a leader, you’re a champion, you’re a follower of Jesus». We’re gonna be careful with the names we call. The next one is «never raise your voice». Please, people, the Bible is very clear.
Proverbs 15, for you note takers, «A harsh word actually stirs up anger all the more, but a gentle answer turns away wrath». Even if you’re gonna say something hard, say it softly. Here’s the next one, «never get historical». I didn’t say hysterical, historical. This is for all the women in the room, all right? We know, you women have the most unbelievable memories in the world. Tammy… Like, «Baby, what’s wrong»? «You did it, you did it again». Like, «When did I ever do this»? «In 2013, remember it was a Saturday afternoon, you were wearing those brown shoes, you had those blue pants, and that shirt, that button». So I’m like, «Baby, I don’t know what shirt I’m wearing right now»! Like, like, don’t get historical.
Come on, men, I just helped y’all out. Say «amen» right there. Like, just stay in the present. We got enough material right here for today without you going back to 2013, okay. Trying to help y’all guys. All right, here we go. «Never say never, and never say always». «You always,» or, «You never». That’s not, it’s never true, never true. And here’s the last one, and that is «never threaten divorce». Never threaten divorce. I mean, don’t, like, «If you do this again, I’m gone». So the one thing I think that makes fighting actually fight with confidence, I think you actually should fight with confidence, because I know we’re not going anywhere. And I’ve told Tammy, «This is off the table. We gonna work it out».
In fact, we’re so, we so know that we’re gonna work it out, we’re like, «You know we’re gonna work it out. Let’s just do it right now so we can save the rest of the day». You know, just, we’ve taken this off the table. First time I actually taught this principle was the first year of the church, 24 years ago, and I remember really leaning into this principle. And I got home, and I thought, man, it kinda, it kinda of did something inside of my own heart. And I actually went to my own «Webster’s Dictionary,» big old red book dictionary in my library at home, and I opened it out. I actually got a pair of scissors and cut out two words out of my dictionary. First word I cut out was the word «impossible,» because if it’s not God’s vocabulary, it’s not gonna be in mine. Come on, somebody, right?
The second one was «divorce». You go to my home office, there are two words not in my dictionary and, of course, whatever word’s on the back page of that, okay. I don’t know what it is, okay, so I guess there’s four words not in my dictionary, but anyway. But I cut the word «divorce» out, and I told Tammy, «This is not on the table. We gonna, we gonna work it out». And I think, especially, she needs that, to know we’re not going there, we’re not going there. And in fact, I’ve even told her, «If you leave me, I’m going with you». Come on, somebody, right? Okay, because the Bible says, «Till death do us part». Now I might kill you, but I ain’t gonna divorce you. All right, so anyway, all right. Just kidding, everybody. I’ll give you a bonus one. This one’s just an extra, I just, I’ve never put this on this list before, and that is, «Never quote your pastor».
You leave Pastor Mark and me out of it. Y’all just fight, okay, okay. So, back to the text in chapter 6, I don’t have time to show you, but all the end of chapter 5, she spends verse after verse after verse, after this fight, listing his qualities, praising his qualities. And so, he starts and says, «You’re beautiful». Now, the emotions are still in there, and they’re still mad about whatever happened, right? But look what he says, «You’re beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem, majestic as troops with banners». This is all, this is the same language he used on the honeymoon night. And then he says this, I don’t want you to miss this, «My dove, my perfect one,» she was not perfect, okay? But he decided that’s what he was going to focus on.
So now, he’s mad about this list, but there’s a whole other list that are just wonderful, and that’s true of everybody in this room. Because you got married for a real… there was something about them, right? And so, he decided, «I’m going to focus on your uniqueness». Tammy, and she doesn’t mind me saying this, we always talk about everything whenever I use family or whatever in illustrations, Tammy’s never tried to be everything. In fact, when we first got married, I didn’t know any better. I just thought a pastor’s wife does pastor’s wife roles. They speak, you know, they, they’re on stage a lot, they help me with, and Tammy let me know right off the bat, in fact, when I was putting pressure on her to be something she could not be, because it’s not her personality, she goes, «Would you please just let me cover you in prayer every day, cook for you, and take care of kids? Can you please, please, please just let me be? This is who I am».
And instead of focusing on who I wish she would have been, I’m telling you, I am so grateful for the most beautiful human in the world in Miss Tammy, right, everybody? She’s lovely, and she’s very unique. In fact, we’re very different in a lot of ways. I’ll tell you about that in a second. «The only daughter,» like, notice he’s focusing on like, «I know there’s a bunch of women out there, but you’re the only one who is,» and he’s thinking about good things, «and you’re my favorite, you’re the favorite,» right? What is he doing here? Second, second thing that we do in conflict, and that is, «I’m gonna focus on what’s right, not what’s wrong». And I’m gonna realize that that list is actually probably a lot longer than the one I’m mad about anyway.
Now men and women are different. I don’t have to tell you that. But Tammy and I are polar opposite different. Man, if I’m cold, she’s hot. If I wanna save, she wants to spend. If I wanted to discipline, she wanted to give the kids grace, I mean. And you say, «Well, my God, how did y’all get along»? Because we realized that differences are what made us great. Listen, look at me, you can either celebrate differences or despise differences. And in a football game, we certainly appreciate the differences. We only need about five people who weigh 350 pounds. We need one that’s tall and has a great head on his shoulders and knows how to make quick decisions. We need another one who’s just faster than greased lightning, right? And you need a couple, two or three, that know how to catch. And it’s the differences that make it the team, and you win championships.
And if you start looking at your relationships like, «Man, she’s this, I’m this, and that’s why we’re good together». Billy Graham's wife, Ruth Graham, was once interviewed by a reporter who asked her about the 17 straight weeks that Billy Graham went off to do evangelism crusades, and they said to her, baiting her, like the media always does, «Don’t you despise his schedule»? And her response was, «Five months with Billy is better than twelve months with any other man». Now what was she doing? I’m sure she wanted her husband home more, but she decided to focus on what’s right, not what’s wrong. Can I get a better «amen» out there, everybody? And that’s why the Bible says, «Whatever is true, and noble, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy,» I need you to discipline your mind to, «think about those things».
And by the way, once you discipline your mind to think them, send an email to your mouth and notify your mouth. And that’s what I’m gonna now say. I’m gonna watch my words, and words, look at me, they’re a big deal. I can do a whole message just on the power of the tongue. Words are a big deal. And men, I’m gonna talk specifically to you, because men have a language that we use that just, we don’t think, I don’t think about it. I just, I can, I can even call names. Like, every friend I have, I have a nickname for them and even if it’s insulting. I have a friend I named Fatback because he got a fat back, y’all, all right, so, and he laughs when I say it. Now you notice, women don’t do that. Women don’t walk up to each other at lunch and go, «Hey, Skinny Legs».
You know, they don’t do that, okay? So men, you gotta be careful bringing what’s common for you at the hunting camp with your buddies, bringing that into home and starting naming names, you’re messing up right there, sir. I’m just telling you, we’ve gotta, we’ve gotta speak life and blessing over these ladies, right, because, «The tongue has power of life or death, and those who love it, you’re gonna eat its fruit,» whatever one you choose, you gonna, you gonna get the results of that. And notice the next verse, then it’s in God’s Word, tongue, «He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD». And by the way, I would like to kinda let you read that a little bit differently than what you probably read it, «He who finds a wife is intentional about finding out what’s good about her».
I’m gonna find the good in my, my lady, and I’m gonna say it, say it, say it, and she becomes more and more beautiful because this tongue has, has almost created power, right, in how we treat people, and you’ll receive favor from the Lord. Let’s continue in the text. We’ll close it out with this. So, «He went down to the grove of the nut trees to look at,» notice the language, «new growth in the valley, and the vines are budding». Now, what time of year is it when things are blooming and budding? Okay, so what he’s saying is, «We made it through winter».
Thank God we made it through winter. I can’t stand winter. I hate, I really don’t like the winter months, because everything’s brown, everything’s dead, everything’s cold. I like being outside a lot, and when things start blooming and budding, and boy, the turkeys are gobbling, it’s just like, oh my goodness. But you have to endure those three months in order to enjoy those three months. And that’s the principle he’s trying to say here, «Everything’s in bloom again, and before I realized it, my desire set me among the royal chariots». Now, I don’t have time to totally explain that, but anytime you invited somebody into your chariot, you were basically saying, «We have reconciled our differences». And so, he says to her, «Come back». Okay, «Let’s, hey, I’m sorry, I should have never put my hand through the door. I should not have gotten that upset». «Come back, come back,» and I don’t think there’s enough.
Come on, let’s, let’s make this right. We endured winter, and now we can enjoy spring. «Come back, that we may gaze on you! Why would you gaze on the Shulammite as on the dance of,» and I can’t really say that word, but basically they were saying, «We’re gonna throw a party here». And we throwing a party because we did something. There’s not enough of us doing this, I’m just gonna say it, and we don’t know how to endure winter, winter months. Now I get up every morning, Tammy will tell you, when it’s cold and everything’s brown and wet, and I can’t play golf, I can’t do nothing, nothing’s blooming, I just can’t stand it, and I’ll say, «I hate winter». And she always says, «Spring’s coming soon. Just hang in there, spring’s coming soon».
And thank God, we’re already in that season, I love this season. My nose hates it, but I love this season, right? Because I know I endured winter again. Somebody look in my eyes. A bunch of you in this room, you need to go ahead and decide, «I’m gonna endure». I’m gonna endure winter by making this, this pre-fight decision, and that is, «I’m not gonna fight for personal victory, I’m gonna fight for us». I’m gonna be a us person. I don’t know who I’m talking to today. You need to make the decision, «I’m not making this about me». The world now is gonna bait you into this. Instagram will bait you, the Facebook will bait you into, «You stand up for you. Girl, you do you. He can’t treat you». And all that may be true, but there’s too much, «I’m gonna take care of me». No, no, no, we’re gonna take care of «we».
I’m gonna be a «we» person. I’m gonna endure this season, and I’m gonna fight for the «us». And I’ll tell ya, the beauty of something staying together is greater than the personal victory you may have and you end up all alone. I’m preaching good here today. I’ll «amen» myself, okay? Don’t be a, «I’m gonna make sure I win». No, no, make sure we win. The «we» is always better than the «me». I’m just telling you. I’m telling you. And that’s what Solomon and the Shulamite maiden did, they endured, and you need to too. Say, «Chris, I just can’t do that, can’t do that, I’m so sorry». Well, let me give you a couple more little things that might help, and that is you, if you’ll make a decision, I don’t feel like doing it, but «I’m gonna apply God’s grace to you».
Now, grace is giving something to someone that they didn’t deserve. So they don’t deserve to be treated nicely, but I’m gonna apply it anyway. And by the way, can I point out, you don’t have any problem receiving it? When God says, «You know what, I’m just gonna let you off the hook. If you’ll just confess your sins, I’m gonna forgive you,» «Oh yeah, thank you, Jesus. Boy, do I love the grace of God, oh my goodness». And then we turn right around and have an unbelievable inability to do it for somebody else. «Forgive me, but punish them». Come on, isn’t that right?
And by the way, if that speaks to you and you just want the Holy Spirit to work in your heart, then find 15 minutes sometime today, by yourself, get your Bible, read Matthew 18, just get it in your head or write it down, Matthew 18, Matthew 18. It’s a parable where Jesus tells this parable of this man who got forgiven a million dollar debt, and after he got forgiven this million dollar debt, went out and found somebody who owed him a couple bucks and had him thrown him in jail, and it made Jesus very mad. And so, I’m just saying to you to consider remembering the importance of applying God’s grace to people if you want to keep receiving it yourself. And the Bible flat-out says, «Don’t take revenge. I will repay».
Leave room for me to take care of it. You get out of the way. You forgive them, love them, I’ll take care of that. «It is mine to revenge,» the Bible says, «On the contrary,» and nobody really does this, «If your enemy puts his hand through the door, I want you to feed him and give him something to drink». I want you to bless him back. That’s contrary to how the world even thinks right now. And in doing this, «You heat burning coals in their heads,» like, «Oh, that sounds great, burn, baby, burn». No, that’s not what that means. Burning coals was a commodity. When people’s fire went out, they couldn’t eat that night. And many times, village to village or house to house would share their burning coal so they could have food to cook that evening. You’re gonna, in other words, you’re gonna give them something. You don’t give them what they deserve, you give them what they need.
And it ends by saying, «Do not overcome evil with evil, overcome evil with good». «Well, I still can’t do it». All right, one more, and then I’m done. Then why don’t you remember God’s grace to you? And I’m telling you, I want you to lean in just for two minutes here, listen to me, there’s something powerful that happens when you remember the work of God on the inside of you. So it’s not just like a thought, it goes into a heart, and it transforms you. And that’s why the Bible can so boldly say, «You’re new». You’re a new creature when God does his work inside of you. And what happens is, is whenever you receive that kind of love, watch this, don’t miss this, it gives you capacity to love. You’re different, you’re different.
And the Bible says it this way, «We’re only able to love because he first loved us». You say, «I can’t do it». Well, fine, then receive it, and watch what happens. So in the room today are some friends who are here to be baptized. They actually live in Montana, watch online, and about a year or so ago, this young lady heard me speak at a Christmas banquet in North Carolina. I was speaking at this Christmas breakfast in, at High Point University, and the message so convicted her, she gave her life to Jesus. I mean, radically saved, calls, I don’t even know, you know, they live in Montana, and said, «I want, can I come to Birmingham and will you baptize me»? Like, «Sure, I’d be happy to».
So I personally baptized her, her family came, and when she came up out of the water, I saw it, like, like radically transformed. And then everybody in that family says, «What in the world happened»? Like, «You’re, you’re not just saved, you’re different,» because change really took place, so much so that her dad, who’s observed it for a year said, «If anybody knows my daughter, it’s me, and I’m telling you, God’s done something in her life. I don’t even recognize her anymore». And it’s so much so that he came here, and today, he’s the one getting baptized.
Come on, somebody. What am I saying? I’m saying, if all this doesn’t make sense in your head, then let God change your heart and watch what happens. Every head bowed, every eye closed, please be very still at all the locations just for a few minutes, because people are making the decisions that Stephanie made at that prayer, at that Christmas breakfast. If you’re here today, and you’re under conviction, and you need the work of God in your life, you’re only one heartfelt, sincere prayer away from Jesus transforming you, changing you, forgiving you. Would you please have the boldness and the courage to say, «I need forgiving, I need God in my life, and I’m ready to surrender my life to him to be the Lord of my life, and I’m gonna be changed forever». If that’s you, pray this prayer, say:
Jesus, forgive me. I’m a sinner, I’ve offended you, I’ve walked away from you, and I need my heart cleansed by you. Would you come into my life? Would you be my Lord and my Savior? Jesus, will you change me by your power, by your Spirit? Would you change me today? I surrender my life to who you are, your will. Your will, and your way. It’s because I believe you really are the Son of God, and I believe you died on the cross and you rose from the dead, and today, I put my faith in you. And from this day forward, I’m gonna give you my life, everything I have, in your name I pray, amen and amen.