Chris Hodges - The Order of Attraction
All right, who’s glad to be in church today? Anybody, anybody? Oh, give Jesus a handclap of praise, everybody. Really good to see you, really, really, really good to see you guys. We’re in week number one of a brand-new series, six-week series on the Song of Solomon. We’re actually gonna go verse by verse through this beautiful book of the Bible that describes relationships. I’ll tell you more about that in just a second, but give me a minute just to look straight in the camera and say hello to all of our campuses, our locations all across Birmingham, Alabama and a couple over in Georgia as well. And man, what an incredible honor. I mean, this is only the grace of God that we were able to bring all that we are as a church into all 28 of Alabama’s Department of Corrections facilities.
And of course, we have people watching live right now online or maybe later on demand. All right, Grants Mill, there are mics all over this room, let them hear you, everybody, come on! God bless you guys. So, one of the things that we do as pastors, and, of course, I’m founding pastor now, and our lead pastor and the pastoral team, what we do together is we pray and then we also meet together about what you need. And so we, we will take you through different seasons of emphasis and focus. In fact, we just came out of, in January, a season of prayer and giving our best to God and kind of starting the year off right.
And so, as shepherds, we brought the sheep to that hillside, and we all grazed on that hillside for a number of weeks. And now we’re taking you to a different hillside of relationships. We’re entering into this Small Group season. We just launched groups. We have over 5,200 groups for you to choose from, and we want all of you to get in a group, get in a group. It’s gonna change your life, I promise you, okay? And jump into a Small Group. We’re not just a big church, we’re a small church as well. And, of course, this is the Valentine’s Day season. Spring’s right around the corner. And so this is a season where we just kinda emphasize relationships with our Marriage Conference next week.
And so, we wanna feed you on this hillside for a number of weeks, and we decided to do it through the vehicle of a book study on relationships, and it’s a powerful book. It’s a hard one to understand, so we’re gonna do some of the hard work for you. But I really think you’re gonna enjoy this, and I would encourage you not to miss a single week. And if you are traveling, be sure to catch up, because it’s verse by verse. We’re actually gonna go through every verse of all eight chapters. But before we do that, I have a couple of ground rules that are very important when you’re doing messages around relationships.
And number one is «listen for yourself,» so no elbows to your husband, «Write that down, my man». No, don’t do that, all right? And, and I don’t know, I don’t need any, when we talk about intimacy, I don’t need «preach it brother» out there from you men, okay? She knows, and so we’ll make it clear, okay? But just listen for yourself. You’re gonna have a tendency to think, «Man, I know who really needs that,» and don’t do that. Always think about how can I use this? Always make this about yourself. Can I hear a good amen, everybody? It’s an important one.
Second ground rule is «don’t look back,» because God makes, say it out loud, «God makes all things,» and he does. And honestly, you’re gonna hear some things that are God’s standard, and God’s standard, listen to me, everybody look up here for a second, all of us have already fallen short of it. So if you’re not careful, you’ll go into condemnation in a second over some of these things, because you’re gonna say, «Well my goodness, I’ve already blown it». And you need to understand that we serve a God who makes all things new. So he’s in the business of do-overs, that’s who he is. That’s what we studied last month. So I don’t want you to do that. In fact, my favorite line in the marriage vows is «from this day forward,» from this day forward, and I want you to think about that. Only think about how I can apply this in the future. Please, please, please do not look in the past. We’ve already all blown that, but we’re gonna do better in Jesus’s name, okay? And he’s gonna help us.
And then finally, number three, «this is a PG-13 series,» okay? Now this is a very, very graphic book. We’re not gonna be more graphic than the Bible is, but the Bible’s pretty graphic in this particular book of the Bible. In fact, in week number 3, on February 23, they get married and the entire honeymoon night is described in graphic detail, and it talks about how they make love «all night long, all night, all night». Like, all right. It’s in the Bible. Lionel Richie did not come up with that, God did, everybody. And all the men love him more. I just can feel it right now. You’re just grateful to God right now, right?
In fact, I just saw 400 men clear their schedule on February 23, yeah. It’s gonna be a great study, but seriously, it is very graphic. It’s not too graphic for the kids that have gone through puberty, so anything around that 13 age, you want them here, because for heaven’s sakes, we do not let, need to let social media, and the locker room, and their friends tell them about sexuality. It needs to come from the church and God’s Word, okay? But if you have children that are younger than that, I would recommend you take advantage of our incredible children’s church and nursery ministries. They are spectacular, all right? Are you ready to get started everybody, yes or no, yes? Okay, so it’s written by King David’s son, Solomon. Both King David and Solomon were prolific songwriters.
Of course, the book of Psalms, most of them are written by King David, not all of them. Even Solomon has a few songs in the book of Psalms. Solomon also writes Ecclesiastes and other, you know, some of the Proverbs. And so, he’s a prolific songwriter. In fact, 1 Kings said that Solomon wrote 1,005 songs, and of all the songs that he wrote, this is the song of songs. In fact, the best way to translate the Song of Solomon really is «song of songs». He is basically saying, «Of all the ones that I wrote, there was none better than this». And it’s an incredible study in human relationships, and it talks about everything. We’re gonna talk about today about attraction. What should you be attracted to? We’re gonna get into the dating relationship next week. They date, they start dating in chapter 2, and where, how do you keep the standards? What’s right, what’s wrong? How far is too far? We’re gonna study all that, which again, is why you need your kids in this service.
Week number three, I’ve already told you, they get married and they had their honeymoon night. Chapter 4, they’re fighting already, come on, somebody, right? And so, we’re gonna talk about conflict, and it just keeps going on and on. It’s a study of human relationships. And here’s the big idea of the entire book of the Bible, that God’s way is not only right, it works. So a lot of times people think of God as, okay, he’s right, and if I do it his way, I’ll go to heaven, but I’m gonna be bored along the way. No, no, no, no, if you do it God’s way, it actually makes you happier. God’s way is better, everybody, all right? And so we’re gonna follow God’s way, and you’re gonna find out the peace, and the joy, and even in the intimacy and sexuality part, God’s way actually enhances that. It doesn’t restrict you at anything, but it still has to be done according his, to his parameters. Can I get a good amen everybody, right? You with me?
There are three characters in the book, and sometimes in some of your Bibles, it doesn’t even tell you when the person speaking changes, and so I’m gonna do the hard work for you, and Pastor Mark will as well, and we’re gonna tell like who’s speaking now and. But there are three main characters in the, in the book and one that’s called the Lover, and that’s Solomon himself, okay?
And then there’s the Beloved, and that’s what’s called the Shulamite maiden. This is the lady in the story, okay, and the one that he’s pursuing in chapter 1, dating in chapter 2, married in chapter 3, honeymoon night, fighting in chapter 4. It’s just a fun book, okay? So we’re gonna get it all. And if you don’t know what a Shulamite is, it’s somebody who wishes Mike Shulman was still the coach at Alabama. No, I’m just kidding. I’m a Shulamite… As an LSU fan, those were wonderful years of football, and then this guy named Satan came along. Anyway, all right. No, she’s the Shulamite maiden. And then you get this third group that just chimes in from time to time, and it’s called this chorus of friends or the «Daughters of Jerusalem».
And these are just the onlookers to this relationships that’s dating and the marrying and all of these, and they’re just, they’re commenting, these are the Instagram followers, so to speak, okay. These are the ones that are like, «Oh, you guys are beautiful, you look great today,» and all this is going on, okay. But it’s a very hard book to understand because it’s an allegory, it’s a poem. And so there’s all these crazy metaphors to describe things. And, and again, so we’ve done a lot of the, the hard work for that. I do wanna let you know that when we do that, you might, from time to time, if you’ve ever heard teachings on this, you’re gonna think, «Wait a minute, I’ve heard somebody else say that».
I wanna make sure you know, for me, and Pastor Mark, and really anybody who communicates, all of our stuff is not original, I listen to 20 sermons every week, a lot of it is, but we listen to things, and so if you hear that, it’s because we do a lot of research, and when we hear something good, we wanna pass it on to you. So I just wanted you guys to know that. All right, here we go, everybody! All right, this is the Song of Solomon, chapter 1, verse 1, «Solomon’s Song of Songs». And man, look where it just starts right off the bat, «Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth,» and all the men… no, don’t say amen, all right, so, «for your love,» and this is the big theme of the book, «for your love is more delightful than wine,» and that was a way to say, there… nobody treats people the way you treat people, like, you’re different, and the way you’ve loved me, she’s saying, and the way you love others, the way you treat the people at the office, the way you are with people on the highway, like, you’re really good. You’re a master of the human relationship. They’re more delightful.
«Pleasing is the fragrance,» so when you walk in the room, We know you’re there, because it’s just, all of a sudden, the room got better. Now wouldn’t you love that? I really, as I’ve studied this every… this is like, I think, the third time I’ve taught this, every time I’ve studied it, I get really convicted. And I really, I work very hard, like, when I walk in a room, and then spend time with people, and leave the room, I want people to say, «Man, wasn’t it great to have Chris here for a few minutes? Wasn’t it great that he showed up»?
And I want all of us to set that as a target as and as a goal that, man, we just, we leave a pleasant smell when we came into the room. And it says «your name,» and your name is always means your reputation, your name, your reputation for relationships, the way you, the respect you show women, the way you treat your, your subordinates, the way you treat your boss. It’s «like perfume,» it’s awesome. «No wonder all the other women want you, but they can’t have you, because you are mine,» she says. And so she says, so let’s get this party started, «Take me away with you, let us hurry! And get me into,» and the chamber means his bedroom, so she’s ready. She’s now pursuing the relationship. And so, the friends, now we get the Instagram followers, speak out and say, yes, «We rejoice,» we’re so excited you guys are dating now, «and we delight in you; and we praise your love more than wine. How right everybody is to adore you guys»!
And then now here comes kind of the context for installment number one, because she makes a comment that I want to make sure everybody sees. It’s really, I hope your heart is drawn to this lady in the story, because she says, «Dark am I, yet lovely». In other words, «I’m not much to look at». Because you’re gonna see in a minute, she spent a lot of time in the sun, and now her skin is red and cracked. And if you’ve ever seen someone, like, you know, oh my God, they spent a lot of time in the sun and probably didn’t wear sunscreen, and maybe they work outside and their hands look like that. Basically, that’s what she’s saying, «Dark am I, but I’m still loved».
I’ve got other qualities other than my physical appearance that you need to notice, and I love this because today we’re gonna start with what I’m calling «the order of attraction». Like, what should we be attracted to? And I don’t mind saying there’s anything wrong with wanting somebody that’s handsome or somebody that’s really good looking and beautiful, that’s all fine, God made you attracted to all of that. Listen to me, church, but you can’t get those attractions out of order, because people have other value and qualities beyond just the physical. Are y’all following me, everybody? This is very important. And so she says, «Don’t stare at me». In other words, don’t look at the wrong thing.
And I’m encouraging you in this first installment to make sure we’re going to learn, then what should we look at? And the physical is important, it’s just not first. She says, «Don’t stare at me because I’m dark, because I’m darkened by the sun,» because I’m actually a victim. I mean, «My mother’s son,» meaning my brothers, «they made me,» I didn’t want to work outside in the vineyards and they made me do it, «and my own vineyard,» talking about her body, «I have neglected». And she’s basically teaching us right off the bat, don’t build the relationship on bodies, everybody, don’t do it that way. And a lot of times we actually do. In fact, I always jokingly say, «You know, a woman will spend about eight hours or more on her body for that wedding day, and then after that, it’s all downhill from there».
Isn’t that right, everybody? They never do that again, okay? And so, we kind of build it on something, listen to me now, we build it on something that we… none of us can maintain. I don’t look like I looked 39 years ago. Tammy and I have been married now. I don’t look anything like it, come on. I used to have, I used to have what’s here, I used to have it up here. I was just, things shift around and that’s right. Don’t look so holy out there, so do you, all right? And so she says, «Tell me, you who I love, where you graze your flock, where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I, why should I try to appeal to you like all the other women do it»?
And she was basically saying, there are women out there that they’re only showing you their bodies, and they emphasize that, and they actually don’t have any of the other qualities. And she’s appealing to him, «Don’t be like a veiled woman». A veiled woman was actually like a prostitute who would, who would stay at the edge of the fields where the men worked, and whenever they were tired and going home, knowing that they might have trouble getting a little love at home, they were ready, basically, to seduce them right after work. And she says, «They’re beside their flocks,» they’re like that, and I don’t wanna do it that way.
And she teaches us the first priority of attraction, write it down if you’re taking notes, and by the way, all this is in your app, and that is spiritual attraction, spiritual attraction. She talks about her values first, not her body, and she says, «I’m not gonna be like all the other ladies. I actually have standards». And I wanna teach all of us how to become more attractive. You singles, to make sure you’re passing on to your would-be spouses the attraction that you need to possess. And you just need to trust your pastor here, if you’ll get these in the right order, God’s gonna bless your relationships.
And the first one is that you’re spiritually attractive, and I’m gonna give you three ways you can do that. And number one is, is that you worship God the way Jesus said to worship, and that is with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. And what I mean by that is, if you’re passionately in love with God, your brain sometimes, especially if you were raised in a denomination or religious environment where you had a more conservative expression of your religion or your faith, that you don’t realize that when you actually worship God, it’s not only attractive to God, and it is, but it’s also attractive to your spouse.
In fact, one of the most beautiful things you can do is just be a worshiper of God. And I see men all the time, and I get it by the way, I’m not putting you down, like you just like, you know, got the old right over left, and you might tap a toe every once in a while, and that’s about as much as you’re given. The only problem with that is Jesus said, «Give me your all, your best, heart, soul, mind, and strength». And then there are 150, the biggest book of the Bible is on expressions of worship, okay? It’s in there, and it, and it’s hands raised, I didn’t write it, God did, clapping, shouting, dancing, kneeling, loud, stringed instruments, cymbals. That’s all in the Bible, everybody.
You know, I always tell people, they say, «Are you one of those conservative, you know, contemporary worship churches»? I said, «No, we’re the most traditional church in town,» because this is what the Bible describes, everybody. Are y’all following me? And y’all are all gonna do it tonight at the Super Bowl, woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo-hoo! We’ll give it to everything else. All right, so, I’m asking you, men especially, it’s a little harder for men, I get it, I was that way. I remember coming to a church like this, I thought, «These people are out of their minds, and I think I like it, but I’m not ready to do it yet». I remember my first church service that I was gonna, I was gonna raise my hands for the first time. Sa ta ta ta, ta ta ta ta. They were singing, «Oh ta ta ta ta ha ta ta ta ta ta ta,» you know, like I was, I just got it up there for a second, you know?
And start, guys, come on, start with carrying a baby, carry the baby, right here, just right here. My fish was this big. My fish was this big, yeah, touchdown. I mean, you can work your way up, okay? That’s an old Tim Hawkins joke, I stole that, all right, so. And singles, when you start dating, girls, when you bring him to church, and if he’s got his hands in his pockets through the whole service, find yourself another brother, all right, everybody? He ain’t your guy. You don’t want to have to be the constant encouragement of spiritual things, all right? Here’s the second thing you can do to be spiritually attractive, this is all of us, and that is grow. Grow in your relationship, don’t stay where you are. You hear this all the time, take the one-year challenge.
What are we saying? We’re saying don’t stay right there where you are. Get on the Growth Track, serve, find your purpose. Don’t be an, don’t be an attender, be a member. Don’t sit in the stands, play the game, everybody. Just be an active member of the local church and find your place. And actually, couples, serve together. I mean, men, I’m encouraging you to lead your family. Honey, we’re going to the Growth Track. We’re going to find us a place. We’re going to worship one, and then we’re gonna to serve one. We’re going to be an active, and I’m going to tell you, she’s going to go, «Ooh la la». I mean, because spirituality, listen to me, there’s more than just the physical, spirituality is attractive too. You need to understand that.
And finally, how do we be spiritually attractive? By having some standards. And you think, «Man, it’s gonna turn them off». No, it’s gonna turn them on. And I’m encouraging you, especially, I want to talk to all the college-age people that are singles in the room, man, have some standards. And when you start pursuing a dating relationship, you should very early on say, and now listen to me, «Before this thing progresses, let me tell you where my standards are, and if you want any more of me beyond those standards, you can put a ring on it,» all right, everybody? Ooh, ooh, ooh, whatever, however it goes, all right? That’s the best I know of the song. I don’t know, okay. Y’all laughing like I got it wrong and I probably did, all right.
When I first started dating Tammy, and we’ll be married 39 years in May, to God be the glory, everybody, my sweetheart’s right here on the front row, and we started dating, not only did she say, «Here are the standards,» her dad did. He took me out. He had a little cabin out in the woods, and, I know. And he took me there, and we were getting serious. He knew we were getting serious, and he just wanted to let me know. And we built a fire, it was in the colder part, and he started poking that fire, and that poker got hot, you know? And, and he started talking to me with the poker, like, and I just never forgot it. He said, I said, «I want to let you know something». I said, «My daughters have never had a hand laid on them. They ain’t gonna hurt my daughters». And he said, «And you won’t be the first». And I said, «You’re right, I’m not gonna be the first, that ain’t gonna happen».
Y’all, we’ve been married 39 years, and I have never laid a hand on that… now she’s hit me, but I have never hit her! Billy’s in heaven now, and I still think he’ll find me, somehow he’ll find me with that poker, anyway. And when we had our first kiss, I worked so hard for this moment. I mean, we’d been dating a while, we were about engaged, and it was getting really serious. And I had her on the front porch, you know, and she’s getting ready to go in inside. I said, «Wait just a second, darling». And I said, «Man, I just sure do love you, and you’re just so beautiful». And, and I was leaning in, you know, just like, I was just leaning in a little bit, and she leaned in just a little bit. I thought, «This is it».
And then we came, and it’s got the, it was getting closer, closer, at the last second, she turned, I got cheek, everybody, just right there. And I thought, «Baby girl, that’s not as what I want, that is not what I had planned». I called her daddy, I said, «She won’t let me kiss her». He goes, «That’s right». I’m like… And it didn’t turn me away from her, it attracted me to her. And that’s what we need to be thinking about. Like, our godliness is attractive. And you need to have some standards. And again, if you’ve messed up at this point, forget about that. From this day forward, can I get a good amen, everybody, right? Here’s the next attraction. We’re just gonna keep on studying the verses. He says to her, «I liken you, my darling».
And, by the way, he says that phrase, «darling,» nine times in the book. The word «darling,» so you’ll know if you’re taking notes, it basically means you’re not only attractive and beautiful and I wanna marry you and, you know, and be intimate with you, but, like, «You’re my best friend». The word «darling» means you’re like a companion. I wanna, I wanna hang out with you too. I like being around you, you’re my darling. And then he calls her a horse, okay, everybody? Don’t do that. That worked 900 BC, it will not work today, okay? I’m just letting you know. But he says, «You’re like a mare,» a girl horse, right, «harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh».
And what he was saying is, those were the most beautiful horses. Pharaoh had pure white horses, those Arabian horses, and they were, they were, they were prized possessions. It would be like saying, «You’re a prized possession. Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. And we will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver,» in other words, I’m gonna just, I’m gonna take such good care of you. «While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance». And she chimes, so he’s not, he’s just lavishing, like, «You’re more than just someone I want to be intimate with and to satisfy me physically, you’re my best friend». And she chimes in and says, «Well, you, my lover, you’re like a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts».
Now, that’s probably the most graphic verse we’re gonna read in this installment. And I don’t even know what a sachet of myrrh is, but I know he’s glad he was one. Come on, everybody, right? I practiced that line all week, I am so sorry, okay, sorry. Anyway, all right, I’m just reading the Bible, people, I’m just reading the Bible, okay. Sorry, Baby. My kids all went to another church today, they really, they did, okay. And she says, she says, «Baby, you’re, you’re like a cluster of henna blossoms,» which is the most beautiful and delicate flower, you treat me delicately, and that’s important, because, watch this, all the words at the beginning were tender, «a sachet of myrrh between her breasts,» I mean, she had a remembrance of him.
It would be like if you ever had a dried flower from someone, and so she had a memory of something that she brought to bed with her, and she just held it here thinking good thoughts about him. And so, again, they’re not physical yet. They’ve, they’ve already had this spiritual attraction, but now they have emotional attraction. And listen to me, women have emotional needs, but so do men. And in my opinion, I’m just gonna say it like I wanna say it, there is a vacuum of this in relationships right now.
So we’re not feeding people’s emotional needs, and men, especially, to our ladies, and we need to make sure that we do that. They have emotional needs. And I’m gonna show you three areas under this one as well that where we can get a little bit better at feeding the emotional needs of each other. And the first is «value them». And let me say it this way, put this in your notes if you’re a notetaker, find the value in them. And they may not be valuable in all areas, and so don’t emphasize what they’re not, emphasize who they are.
And Tammy, any story I tell you, Tammy gives me permission, we talked through all this before of anything that I share with you, but I’ll give you an example in our relationship. I like to eat. I’ve got a spiritual gift of eating. I’m from South Louisiana. It’s an Olympic sport down there, all right? Okay, Tammy doesn’t like to cook, and she’s a very good cook in the things that when she, when really wants to and tries, but she has never enjoyed doing that, not one time. She does it, she’s very good at it. And it used to bug me, and I used to emphasize, like, «Man, I, I wish you’d do this more». And it didn’t make her better at it, it hurt our relationship.
On the other hand, she has hundreds more other qualities than that. In fact, I’ll never forget, when we were dating, she has a sister that’s just a few months younger than her, and we were dating, and her daddy was concerned that I was gonna fall in love with her sister, because her sister’s very outgoing, beautiful, and just was just talky talky, and Tammy’s very, very, very shy. She hardly would talk to me. In fact, our first date she called me sir. I was like, «Baby, I don’t wanna be pastor, I wanna be lover. You know, you’re getting this all wrong».
Anyway, and then her sister, Trudy, was just, oh, just so much fun to be with, and her daddy was concerned about it, and he pulled me over the side and says, «Listen to me now, if you marry Tammy, she’s never gonna give you a day of trouble in your entire life. She is the nicest person in the world,» and she is the nicest person in the world. He said, «But there’s just one drawback». I said, «What’s that»? She goes, «She likes nice things. She likes steak and lobster». He told me, «She likes steak and lobster». I go, «Oh, okay, well, that’s expensive». And so, anyway, he said, «Now, if you marry Trudy, one of y’all is gonna kill each other, but she does like McDonald’s».
I mean, she, you know, yeah, and I’m all, now, what do I want here, you know? And so, I took the nice one. It’s cost me a fortune, but I have the sweetest wife in the world, everybody, all right, and I honor her. She’s in this service. I’m telling you, there’s nobody in the world like you, you’re the finest human I know. Would y’all give it up for Miss Tammy, everybody? Which leads me to the second one. You’ve gotta speak life over them. Notice again that their words were tender and gentle. They were just, they spoke so kindly to each other. And a lot of you don’t like what you have in the house, but if you don’t like what you’re seeing, why don’t you look at what you’re saying? Because a lot of us are speaking that into existence.
«My God, you’re late again, you stink! You ain’t taking a shower today»? And we’re saying, all that’s true. Find the good things to say and speak life over them. And I’ll give you a little hint, women like to hear about who they are. They like to hear about their qualities, their beauty. And men, but men, on the other hand, they like to hear about what they do. So like, I mean, I don’t need to be told anything about, you know, my hair or my body. That don’t mean nothing to me. But brother, if I go out, I like to work in the yard. My first job as a teenager was in landscaping, so I’m actually very good with plants, and it’s why at all of our campuses, we have grass that’s green 12 months out of the year, and I love flowers, and I want everything done perfectly, all these. That’s just how I was raised, and I love all that kind of thing.
So when I do anything out in the yard, I call, «Tam Tam, I’m done, come over here in the front door and take a peek, look at they all, look. See them lines? Perfectly straight». And I need her to go, «I’ve never seen mow lines like that before in my life». And If you don’t, they’re gonna get affirmation somewhere, and that’s why we have infidelity. Infidelity and adultery doesn’t come from people’s need for sexual appetite. That’s not where it… it ends there, but it doesn’t start there. It starts because there’s a vacuum of unmet needs, and we’re not really taking care of each other emotionally.
And so what happens is a guy will do really well at the office, and one of his female coworkers is going to go, «My God, you’re, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever seen. The way you handled that project was incredible». «Really? Thank you». And then the ladies find a man who will care for them and listen to them. I always tell men that most, you know, that’s what they want. I always say the sexiest words you can say to a woman is, «And then what happened»? Write that down, men, I’m trying to help y’all. And I warn our pastors, I say, «You know, if you ever, if you ever end up in a counseling situation, you might be the first male that’s given a woman that much listening attention in decades, and you can be ugly as a mud fence and she’ll fall for you. You gotta be careful about that».
So we’re gonna be careful there. We’re gonna speak life. And I just want you to think about the words you’ve even spoken today. From this day forward, when you get home, «You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful». It’s like, «Oh man, I know people who can cook better than you». Don’t say that. No, we’re gonna speak light for them. And then, remember she had that sachet of myrrh between her breasts. It was a memory of him. And we’re gonna think good thoughts. Now, I’m not telling you you have to do this, but I have Tammy’s picture everywhere, on every desk, every trip. She’s on my home screen of my phone. And it’s the most, it is the most beautiful picture of her I’ve ever seen, and I, and I see it every, of course, all of us do, hundreds of times a day, because I’m trying to think good thoughts, and if you don’t, the devil will sow lies into your head, and you gotta be careful.
Here’s the last part of the story. Y’all getting anything out of this? It’s gonna be good, it’s gonna be a good one. He says, so now, it advances. They had a spiritual attraction, emotional attraction, and he says, «You’re beautiful, you’re just so, you’re so beautiful, my darling»! There it is again, «How beautiful,» and he says, «Your eyes are like doves». The rabbis actually taught that you could find the soul and the true person by looking in their eyes. Don’t look at their physical features, look into their eyes, their soul. And she responds, «Baby, you’re fine too. You’re handsome, my darling, my charming man»! And then she goes there, «Our bed is verdant».
Verdant means lush and green. She’s basically said, «I’m ready, I’m ready, let’s go, let’s do», okay? And watch how he responds. He says, «I want to too,» but he shuts it down. I mean, I’m ready for you too, like. He says, «But we have a house,» and it means a foundation, it means a structure of beams. Like, I’ve already made some decisions, «My cedars are rafters,» in other words, I’ve already constructed something that’s important. He’s basically saying the physical’s important, but it had to be built on some standards, and we’re gonna talk about those next week. We’re gonna talk about how do you really create standards for your life and your, your purity and all that, but they wanna go there into the third area.
And, by the way, I want you to hear this, God wants us to go there, but it has to be built on some, some standards, and that is «physical attraction». And I’m not gonna talk about this a lot because we’re gonna do a whole study on this in two weeks again. But I do want you to put this in your notes. You can’t get the attractions out of order. The physical’s important, listen to me very carefully, but if you get outside of God’s way, it can be one of the most destructive parts of your life, and it’s just true. And a lot of our guilt, and our shame, and our mistakes come from the places where we got outside of the, we colored outside the lines of what God had for us. So we can’t let them get out of order. But when they are in order, let me tell you what it produces, security.
And to me, that’s probably one of the greatest qualities a relationship can have. Tammy has no doubts about my love for her. She’s never thinking, «I wonder where he is today. What’s he doing? I wonder if he’s», that’s not, why? Because we’ve built it on something that produces this security. So, remember she thinks she’s ugly, basically, in the earlier part of chapter 1? Now we’re in chapter 2, and she says, «I’m a rose». I’m gonna tell you, she did not first think of herself that way. He produced that in her. And men, you can do the same. «I’m the rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys». He goes, «No, it’s better than that, honey». He says, «You’re like a lily among thorn,» like you’re not only beautiful, there’s nobody like you, «my darling amongst the maidens». And so, watch what she says next. This is kind of funny if you know the context. She says, «Strengthen me with raisins».
Raisins were considered an aphrodisiac. In other words, «I need you now. I really need you right now». «Refresh me with apples, for I a am faint with love. His left arm is under my head, his right, right arm is around my waist». That’s the make out position, basically. You’re gonna see that several times in this book where they have this position. And he says, «I’m ready, but we’re not». And he speaks to the chorus of friends watching, «Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love before it’s time». And we gonna keep, he says, «I’m gonna keep this in order,» and he teaches us the most beautiful principle that we’re gonna study in a couple more weeks, next week and the third week, about how to keep this all in order so you can experience it at the greatest level.
All right, let me close with this. I can’t hear you, but I can hear you right now. I hear, «Yeah, but you don’t know my husband, and you don’t know our past,» and, «Good message, ten years late». I hear it, and I hear people saying, «Yeah, but». I hear a single saying, «Chris, there is what you described, there ain’t a single guy out there like that». And I hear the guy saying, «You found the only Miss, that’s not happening for me». And you’re wrong, you know why? Because you’re not thinking about it the right way.
And here I want to give you the right thought. I want to close with this. When Jesus found you that you’re in relationship with, you weren’t attractive, you were actually messed up. When he found me, I almost was like, I could almost see Jesus going, «I don’t want to be married to that. That dude’s messed up. I’m not marrying that. I’m not getting into a relationship with that». He didn’t do that. He took this incredibly imperfect person and loved the imperfect. And the love that I received gave this imperfect person the power to be what he always wanted me to be. And while… wait, wait, wait. While I’m not there yet, he’s changed, the love he showed me changed me.
Relationships do the same thing when they’re done right. It takes people imperfect, and your husband, my dear lady is imperfect. Sir, she’s imperfect. And you can’t say, «I’m gonna have to upgrade the model». No, that’s not the way you’re gonna think about it. We’re not doing that. No, we’re gonna show them the godly love we’re gonna study for six weeks, and the love they receive, there’s a power in it that’s gonna change them into the person you’ve always wanted to be with. Let me close by saying it this way. We find love, or come to love, not by finding the perfect person but by loving the imperfect person perfectly. And that’s my prayer for every single one of us, in Jesus’s name, amen. Let’s bow for prayer.
So Father, the pain, the brokenness, the guilt, the shame, I break its power right now off of relationships. God, as we step into this study, put us back in order, I pray. Let us begin with this beautiful attraction of spirituality first, serving the emotional needs of each other and then even being healthy in the physical part of our relationships. And so, Father, everything that’s been in the past, we break its power right now, and from this day forward, I just speak life, grace, blessing, fruitfulness, peace, joy, and love over every relationship right now. To the singles, God, I pray, God just guide them to that perfect person who’s imperfect, who can be made perfect when we choose to love the way you love.
With every head bowed and every eye closed, if you’re here today, it begins by being in the most perfect relationship, and that’s the one with God. Honestly, I don’t think you can love people perfectly without being loved first by God perfectly and you giving your heart to him. That’s why God says you can only love God by loving others. You can’t love others until you love God. And so today, if you wanna get some things right with God, maybe you’re a Christian and you’re just under so much shame, and guilt, and condemnation. And let me say it this way, you just know it’s not right. It’s not right, it’s wrong. It’s all out of order, my relationship with God.
Or maybe you have completely wandered away from faith and maybe you once were a person of faith and Christian and, but man, you’re ready, you’re so ready to get it back right. Or maybe you’ve never been a Christian, ever, and today you want to make that decision to give him your life. I’m not gonna embarrass you. I’m not gonna have you stand up. I’m not gonna bring you down to the front. But would you please let God know, «I’m making that decision». And in a minute, I’m gonna ask you, if that’s you to raise your hand and just lift it to God. You’re not lifting it for me. Lift it to God. Say, «This is me». Be bold and do that.
You can put it right back down. And then we’re going to pray a prayer together right there where you’re seated to commit our lives to the relationship we can have with God. And if that’s you, you make up your mind right now. Are you ready? Every campus, campus pastors, you’re going to be on the stage ready. If that’s you, you wanna be included in this prayer, then lift your hand right now and say, «Count me in». Just lift it high, good, good, good, good, good, literally hands all over this room. Come on, Pastor Blake, lead them in this, in this prayer together.