Charles Stanley - When Others Fail Us - Part 1
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Drawing from Paul’s painful experience in 2 Timothy 4 of being deserted by friends during his imprisonment and trial, the preacher reminds us that even the most dedicated believers can face disappointing or deserting friends, yet we must choose forgiveness like Paul did and trust that the Lord will never abandon us.
The Pain of Disappointment in Friendships
One of the things that causes us pain and oftentimes leads to disappointment is what I want to talk about in this message. It is something we all have to face in life because, you see, all of us have relationships. We have friendships. Friendships are extremely important. In fact, the longer you live, the more important they become, because if you think about it, the longer you live, the less time you have to build new friendships. So, you better take care of the ones you have.
Somebody oftentimes says, «Well, you know, you can always get new friends.» No, no, no, no. You may be able to get some sort of new relationships, but true, genuine friendship has to be built. And it is built on honesty and integrity and openness and truthfulness with one another. And that does not happen overnight. If you believe everything you hear from somebody the first time you ever hear it, then you have a problem. And so, the truth is, friendships are important.
Four Categories of Friends
Now, what kind of friend are you? I want to give you four categories. And these four categories, you can be in any one of them, or you can travel through the whole group. That is, friends that delight us. We love being around them. Friends that are dedicated to us. They are reliable. They are the kind that is there when you and I need them. They are trustworthy, faithful.
Then there are friends that disappoint us. And that can happen even to somebody who at first greatly delighted us. They disappoint us. And then finally, they desert us. So, if you ask yourself the question, «Which one of those and how many of those fit me?» You are the kind of friend that they just sense something in you they like. You delight your friends, and you are dedicated to them.
Or do you disappoint them by being frivolous and, shall we say, selfish and indifferent and careless and giving them little time? Or are you the kind of friend who would desert your friends if things got a little tough for you?
Paul’s Season of Desertion
Well, the passage of Scripture I want us to deal with deals with the Apostle Paul in a season of time when he feels and has felt very deserted by his friends. So, in this passage of Scripture, I want you to think about yourself and think about your friendships and how you relate. Think about the people that you think are your friends.
Or maybe you would have to think, as all of us do at times, people that you thought were your friends, but they were not. People who moved from being dedicated to disappointing you and finally deserting you. And you may feel a little pain this morning. You may feel a little hurt as you go back and recall some of the people who have been in your life that you really thought were true, genuine friends.
And how they just walked off and deserted you. And they never said why; they just disappeared. We have all had that. And I think any pastor will tell you there have been those in his life, and I can think in my own life. Fellows that I have genuinely loved, given of myself to them, helped them in any way I possibly could, gave them time and gave them things that I thought would be of help to them, yet they walk away and totally disappoint you.
Not because you needed something, but because you believed in them. And because you really and truly, sincerely wanted to be a friend. So, what you may recall in the midst of this message is a little bit of pain yourself. So, what I want to talk about here is to think about the Apostle Paul. How do we deal with this? And what can we expect?
Reading 2 Timothy 4
So, if you will turn to Second Timothy, and if you will look in the fourth chapter of Second Timothy. And let us read this passage, and then we will give you a little background as we go along. Very important, what you will notice in Paul’s epistles, he had lots of friends. In fact, in the book of Colossians, in the last chapter, fourth chapter, he mentions nine of his friends. In this fourth chapter, he mentions six of his friends. So, friendship was a great important thing in his life.
So, let us begin in verse nine. He is writing this to young Timothy, and he says to him, «Make every effort to come to me soon.» Which means, do not delay, come speedily, give it your best. Come as soon as you possibly can. There is a reason. «For Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me.
Pick up Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service. But Tychicus I have sent to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak which I left at Troas with Carpus, and the books, especially the parchments, » which would be like leaving our Bible somewhere. «Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm. The Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching.
The Lord’s Faithfulness Amid Desertion
At my first defense, that is, when he was in prison before and being tried, no one supported me, but all deserted me. May it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that through me the proclamation might be fully accomplished, and that all the Gentiles might hear, and I was rescued out of the lion’s mouth.
The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.» Now, what is all that about? Well, let me say first of all, the Apostle Paul here is writing to Timothy, and what I want us to see here is this, that there are times in our life when our friends will fail us.
Paul Facing Death Alone
Now, the Apostle Paul is in prison and he is facing the Roman jury. And he knows that more than likely they are going to execute him. So he is facing death and he knows he is facing death. And he is recalling, as he thinks back over his first trial, no one was there to support him and to help him. And now he comes again to a second trial, and the only person there is Luke.
And when I think about the Apostle Paul of all people who would be alone, after all he had taught and all he had shared with those around him, and yet the Scripture says he was deserted. If I were to ask you, for example, if you had known the Apostle Paul, would you have shown up and at least said something to him, or would you have written a word? Listen to what happens. Those who were the closest to him deserted him.
More Evidence of Desertion
Now, I want to show you something. I want you to turn to the first chapter of Second Timothy and look, and let us go through a few of these verses because this was a major issue with him. Here he was, having given his life to all of these men. And listen to what he says in verse fifteen, «You are aware of the fact that all who are in Asia turned away from me, among whom are Phygelus and Hermogenes.»
Look in chapter four, verse ten. He says, «For Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica.» And if you look in the sixteenth verse, «At my first defense, no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them.»
The Deep Pain of Being Forsaken
Now, I want you to notice something. In the twenty-seventh chapter of Matthew, when Jesus is on the cross, and you remember what He said, He said, «My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?» That word «forsaken» in Matthew chapter twenty-seven is the same Greek word; it is translated «forsaken» there, translated «deserted»; it is the same word.
Jesus was saying, «My God, my God, why have You deserted Me?» Or Paul could have said he had been forsaken. He uses the same Greek word, «deserted.» So he was feeling this very, very deeply down inside, that here he was coming to the end of his life.
What had he done from the day he was saved on the Damascus Road? He had given himself to Jesus Christ, spending time in Arabia, letting God get his theology straightened out, having been an Old Testament scholar himself. And so, he gave his life in doing what? Traveling the Mediterranean world of his day, establishing churches—not buildings, establishing the churches, the people in Thessalonica and in Philippi and Corinth and Ephesus and many other little places. He spent his whole life.
Paul’s Sacrifices Recalled
And in the eleventh chapter of Second Corinthians, he talked about how many times he was beaten and stoned and imprisoned and his concern for the churches. In other words, that little brief biographical sketch, you could think, «How could any man survive all of that?» And now here he is coming to the end of his life, and what? Nobody shows up. Nobody is there to support him. Nobody is there to bear testimony for him.
Nobody is there to witness for him. What happened to all of these people who found Jesus really as a result of his work, whether it was personal one-on-one or whether it was a matter of finding Christ through one of those little churches, little groups of people? Where is friendship? What happens when people fail us?
And what I want you to see here is this, that a man like the Apostle Paul was failed; their friends failed to be reliable, failed to show up, failed to be supportive when he so desperately needed them. And the same thing can happen to us.
Why Friends Fail Us
People that you think are your friends, people that you have trusted in, people that you have given to, people that you have supported, people that you helped, prayed for, loved, and sometimes maybe sacrificed for—what happens? They can just walk off and desert you.
So, when I come to that, I think about the reasons people fail to be true, genuine friends. Why do they fail? Well, there are a number of reasons. You might want to jot some of these down and ask yourself the question, for example, if any of these fit you.
- One of the reasons is that a person sometimes may feel inadequate. They want to help you in this difficult time, but they do not know how. So, I can understand that sometimes that may be true, that a person does not know how to be the kind of friend to you that you need going through this time.
- Sometimes they do not want to be identified with you.
- Sometimes people are jealous. And if they are jealous, they are not going to want to help you.
- Sometimes they are just selfish. They do not want to give you time. They do not want to take the time to give you a call. They do not want to take the time to say, «Well, let me tell you that I am praying for you.»
In other words, where is friendship? Where is true, genuine, dedicated friendship?
Judging Instead of Supporting
Sometimes people, listen, when you go through a difficult time, you know what they do? Claim to be your friend, but instead of understanding you, they want to judge you. And they judge you, so that eliminates them having any responsibility to help you.
It is all, listen to this, when people respond that way, the problem is they have a character flaw. Not in the person who is going through the difficulty, but in the person who claims to be a friend but does not have the courage to stand with you, who does not have the love to be supportive and reliable and being there for you.
Investing in Others, Yet Abandoned
And so, the Apostle Paul was going through all of that. And if you think about all those years of his life, he invested in those men. He had taken Demas, for example, on a missionary trip, and he had checked out and got scared, and he left. And here he is at the end of his life, second time he is before trial, nobody.
In fact, before, when he was in the first trial, some of those pastors on the outside, they were being critical of him instead of standing there being supportive of him. I do not know who your friends are, but if you are a genuine friend, you are a true friend. Reliability, being there, helping them and supporting them and praying for them and undergirding them and loving them—that is what friendship is about.
If you do not have any of that in your life, you are not a friend no matter who you are. And oftentimes people who claim to be our friends want something; that is not friendship. That is not friendship if that is their motivation. If they want to give something, that is friendship. And you know what happens when you give? You receive in return. And so, oftentimes we are very, very hurt and pained because of those things.
Forgiveness Is Essential
Now, the second thing I want to say is that forgiveness is absolutely necessary. Forgiveness is absolutely necessary and must prevail in spite of our hurts. Now, his friends deserted him. But it is interesting what the Apostle Paul said.
Because as you look at what happened and feeling the pain and so forth, all the things that—in other words, he could have said, «You know what, that bunch of scoundrels"—he did not say any of that. But here he is in the most difficult moment of his life, and he is standing alone.
So, what is the right response? Well, when I look at this passage and see what he said, look at that sixteenth verse again in the fourth chapter. Listen to what Paul said; he said, «At my defense, no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them.»
Learning from Christ and Stephen
Now, where do you think he got that? What did Jesus say to His persecutors? «Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.» But I will tell you, he may have remembered that, but this I know he remembered absolutely.
Because it was Saul of Tarsus, Paul who became the apostle, who stood by and watched over the cloaks of the men who stoned Stephen to death. And the last thing Stephen said is, «Father, forgive them; they do not understand what they are doing.»
And now, here is the Apostle Paul, and his friends have deserted him. So, what is he doing? Here is what he is doing: he is practicing what he preached. And he is able to forgive them.
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
If you hold unforgiveness towards someone who mistreats you, then there is no healing of that. And it is very evident here what he says. He says, «I am not going to hold it against them.» In other words, and he says to Timothy, «Timothy, do not count it against them.»
Now, sometimes we might be prone to say, «Well, I will tell you one thing, if you ever need me, do not call on me"—because that is an unforgiving spirit. And here is what I have noticed. Oftentimes, when a friend betrays you or deserts you for some reason, sooner or later, mark this down, they need you.
So, what are you to say? «Well, I have been waiting for this to happen.» No, that is not what you say. «I knew it was going to happen. It is my turn to get them back. I am going to show them what it is all about.» No. Paul said, «I am not going to hold it against them.» Because it is not a godly thing to do.
True Friends Are Rare
And think about this. In your lifetime, how many true, genuine friends do you have? And if I said, «Count them on both hands and all toes.» True, genuine friends that will stand by you thick and thin. And somebody says, «Well, thick and thin, when it gets too thick, we thin out.» And that is exactly how some people are.
That is, if things are just not like they ought to be. And you see, you got fair-weather friends. Watch this, as long as you have got money, you have people who tell you they are your friend. As long as you are popular, you got friends. And as long as so many other things are true.
The truth is, what about when you are just you? You see, you will… I think about people who are very, very, very wealthy. They do not know who their friends are. I mean, they may finally find out who a few of them may be. But people who have much have to be very careful because there is always somebody out there.
Examining Our Own Friendships
The question is, what kind of friend are you? Are you the kind of friend that your friends are delighted to see you? Dedicated to you, and you are dedicated to them, reliable, trustworthy, they are there, whatever is going on. Or do you just keep on disappointing them? Or will they keep on disappointing you.
They tell you one thing and do something else. They promise one thing and do something else. They support you today, but not tomorrow. They are just like the weather. We call them fair-weather friends. It just depends on the weather as to how they respond.
Have you ever deserted one of your friends when they needed you, desperately needed you, and you walked off? Whatever your reason was, do you have friends who have deserted you, walked away? People that you have given to, given yourself to, prayed with, lifted up, done everything you know to do, and they walked away?
So how do you respond to that? Well, that is what he tells us right here in this passage. And that is, he says, «Do not hold it against them.» That is, «Forgive them no matter what.»