Bill Johnson - How to Feed Your Spirit in Desert Seasons
I remember, I’ll never forget, I began to read in Psalms 25, and He spoke to me in every psalm. I think it was seven or eight psalms, maybe nine. He fed my soul for like the next hour. As I read, it was as though Jesus was sitting in front of me, speaking into my being, speaking directly to my person, with verse after verse, statement after statement. «Good morning!» That is so wonderful to see. Live bodies laughing at your own mistakes lengthen your life; laughing at your wife’s mistakes shortens it. I think my favorite one of all time is the one that says a scientific study has been done recently and we have found that women who have a few extra pounds live longer than the men who mention it—laughs. That’s a word of wisdom right there!
This kid looks up at his dad and says, «That spider bit me! Am I going to become Superman or Spider-Man?» He says, «No, this is Australia; you’re going to die!» That shouldn’t be funny, but it is that third-grade sense of humor again. I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car; now everyone waves at me. There’s another one that says a guy put a bumper sticker on his car that says, «Honk if you think I’m sexy,» and then parks at a green light until he feels better about himself. You know, behind every husband who thinks he wears the pants is the wife who told him what pants to wear.
One more: I met a woman outside the mall crying; she had lost two hundred dollars, so I gave her forty from the two hundred I found. When God blesses you, you’ve got to bless others. That’s so pitiful, but I think that’s so funny.
In our small groups, we’re doing a study out of my book, «Strengthen Yourself in the Lord,» and, you know, everything we write, of course, comes from deep conviction. It’s rather challenging sometimes to promote a particular theme. David was anointed to be king; he had prophetic words and anointing about all this stuff happening, but he wasn’t king yet. It was in his darkest moment, when everybody who really owed him their life abandoned him, that it says he strengthened himself in the Lord his God. In the next scene, he became king. Sometimes, just learning how to minister to yourself in dark moments—not because you don’t want to be with people, but because they are unable to see the cry of your heart—because the Lord has put you in a different kind of season, a different kind of moment. In those moments, we minister to ourselves, and it opens up doors of promotion; it’s the back door to the throne room. The most awkward entrance into the throne room was David strengthening himself and then stepping into that place.
So anyway, that’s our small group study. Take that to the Overflow and bless them. Is there anyone here that just feels really pitiful? You’re out of here, okay, sorry! I’m learning from Chris, which is scary. You know, he’ll have a book on spiritual warfare and ask if there’s anybody here who’s demon-possessed and then give it to them. So, I don’t know, it scares me what’s happening to me right now.
So why don’t you open to First Kings chapter 19? We’re going to start there in just a moment. Let me create some context. First Kings 19: you know, if you live in a place like we’re reading about, it has been in a drought off and on for a while. A drought doesn’t usually mean no rain; it just means less rain. To illustrate, let’s say that you live in an area that, in the last hundred years, has averaged thirty to thirty-five inches of rain a year, and it’s reduced to fifteen inches a year. That’s a drought. It doesn’t mean there’s no rain; it just means it’s reduced rain.
But those born into the season of fifteen inches a year think that’s normal. Those born into the kingdom outside of Revival think no Revival is normal. Oh, Jesus! Then they begin to judge the massive outpourings of the Spirit as excess. We tend to judge what’s happening by our own experience instead of Scripture, instead of the record of history. History reveals the power and the magnitude of Scripture. So, it’s possible to be alive and a true lover of God but begin to evaluate and judge everything around you by what you’ve experienced. What it comes down to is that we judge what God is doing in somebody else by what we’ve experienced and usually by what we haven’t experienced. Learning to recognize the hand of the Lord because the presence is there is really the only safeguard.
You may ask, «Well, is it biblical?» Don’t get me started! It’s a proper question, but it’s asked by people with limited exposure to Scripture. In Acts chapter 2, there’s a mighty outpouring of the Holy Spirit, and Peter points to Joel chapter 2 and says, «God planned this,» and he quotes his passage out of Joel. In that passage, it talks about things that would happen—dreams and visions and all these various things that would take place in a great move of God—none of which happened in Acts chapter 2. All the things that happened in Acts chapter 2 weren’t mentioned in Joel 2, but the Holy Spirit upon Peter said, «This is that.» It doesn’t measure up if you’re trying to check the boxes, but it does measure up perfectly when you see the ways of God revealed in this manifestation are consistent with the ways of God revealed in that manifestation.
I had a situation quite a few years ago, now the most difficult thing I had ever experienced up to that time. I’ve had some that put this one in the dust; they’ve been so much bigger, but at the time, that was my biggest mountain. It was such a challenge to my faith. To be honest, it was opposition over something that the Lord was directing, but the people closest to me didn’t see it. In time, they did, and I can’t be specific because I want to protect the guilty—laughs.
There was one specific night that went on for days. About, I don’t remember exactly, but I would say between five and six hours, every time I opened the Bible, it was like I could open it anywhere and He would speak to me specifically about what was going on in my life at that moment. He fed me so abundantly; it was like I could open anywhere and He would talk to me. Now, I don’t recommend that as a way to get direction from the Lord; sometimes, the Lord sees our frailty and the difficulty of the moment and it’s almost like He says, «Listen, you’re in a bubble of grace; you can’t miss this one.» That’s what He did; He overextended Himself to me—such a beautiful voice for five or six hours.
Let’s be honest; if you try to get direction from the Lord that way all the time, you may end up with, «Judas went and hung himself. Go thou and do likewise.» You know, you don’t always want to get direction from the Lord that way. Sometimes, we want shortcuts to hearing from God instead of taking the responsibility of feeding our soul with Scripture on a consistent, regular basis. But in this moment, just five or six hours, He spoke to me over and over again, and by the time evening was over, it was late. I was asking Him why He was giving me so much food, and it wasn’t a challenging question; it was just curiosity. I could feel I was in this moment where I couldn’t pick a bad verse. He spoke so intimately into the details of what I was thinking, what I was praying, what I was afraid of, what I was concerned about, and what was happening to my friends. All this stuff swirled, and breath after breath of God just made me alive and gave me perspective.
I’ll never forget it, I’ll never forget it. Forty-plus years ago, I was directed to this chapter. A story I don’t think I had read the whole Bible so I obviously have read it, but how many know you can read something and not get it, and a week later read the same thing and go, «Oh, that was there?» I must have been sleeping that day or something—sleepwalking through Scripture.
Let’s read this together. Then let me talk to you. Today is not much of a sermon but more of a subject. I kind of feel like we’re walking around 500 acres of land, just seeing what we find because it feels like that kind of journey for me right now.
First Kings—excuse me, I’ve got a cough. Alright, I’m better. I’m free!
First Kings 19, verse 5: «Then, as he lay and slept under a broom tree, suddenly an angel touched him and said to him, 'Arise and eat.'» He looked, and there by his head was a cake baked on coals and a jar of water. So, he ate, drank, and laid down again. This is the first record of angel food cake in the history of the planet. In comparison with demons filling the pigs, we have lots of recipes in the Bible; we don’t always go from glory to glory.
Verse 6: «Again he looked, and there by his head was a cake baked on coals and a jar of water. He ate and drank and laid down again. The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, 'Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you.'» So he arose, ate, and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights, as far as Horeb, the mountain of God.
The Lord took this moment for Elijah and intensified the feeding program because it would be followed by a season with no food. Seasons of no food are never punishment; they’re to help us refine our focus, to rediscover what He’s already fed us. If He is silent, it’s because He’s already spoken. His silence. Some of you grew up in homes where punishment was the silent treatment; it’s hard not to project that onto the Father.
It’s automatically easy for us to think, «I’ve done something wrong.» Certainly, if somebody’s living in open rebellion or refuses to repent, that’s another issue, but when we live to serve and honor the Lord, and there’s silence, He wants us to revisit our history. There’s something unique about the testimony of the Lord. When the Lord has spoken to you through Scripture, or there’s healing from cancer, or deliverance from torment—it doesn’t matter what it is—when the Lord is active in our lives, it creates a testimony. That testimony is a living entity; I don’t know how to describe it, but I just know it’s alive. It never dies.
All throughout eternity, everything He has ever done for any person will be alive, proclaiming His nature, greatness, and covenant throughout eternity. It never dies. When you and I have history with God in Scripture and we have the Lord meet with us in certain situations in our lives, maybe we’re looking for direction or going through a crisis, it doesn’t matter what it is. In those moments, we read, and He begins to feed us history.
This underlying marker is something that enables us to revisit. If we revisit with affection—listen to me carefully—if we revisit the moment we’re not conjuring up, we’re not trying to control or manipulate God. We come in with thankfulness for the God who met with us at that burning bush. When we revisit, something gets reignited. It’s alive in this moment as it was twenty years ago when it happened.
If we can learn to steward our moments, we realize that anytime we come into a place of silence, all He’s doing is helping to direct my soul into where His voice is still active: it’s in what He has already said, in what He has already done.
The Lord directed me to this portion of Scripture, and I realized in reading it that He was giving me enormous amounts of spiritual food. The Bible says that we live not by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. We live because He speaks. We live literally because He talked it into us. Connecting with that life.
A guy once told me, «I get so much from one verse in the Bible; I just don’t need to read anymore.» I didn’t read what was on the screen, but what came up on my screen is basically, «You’re an idiot.» Can you imagine going into the world’s best restaurant, ordering wagyu beef? If you’re a vegetarian, this doesn’t work with a carrot or anything; my illustration just isn’t going to work. Just pretend you’re a meat eater.
Vegetarians in Bethel are the most grace-filled people because they have to forgive me every day of my life. So, I love you and I bless you. But let’s say you sit down to order that wagyu beef; it’s about this thick—it’s so perfectly cooked. You slice the meat, and angels begin to sing all around you. Their wings flap. Out of your innermost being comes a new song for the new season, probably languages you’ve never spoken in before. Can you imagine taking that one bite and going, «That was so good, I don’t need another one?» By the time I finish that one, I’m trying to figure out, «How do I get the next one?»
When you taste of His goodness, there’s no restricted involvement; there’s only abandonment. When you taste and see that the Lord is good, you want to cast yourself completely into the pool of His goodness to experience everything you possibly can because it’s the one thing that truly matters.
Honestly, I remember as though it were yesterday where He spoke to me. Hour after hour, I was directed to this passage of Scripture, and I realized. Okay, so that night was followed by the forty days. If you think you’ve done something wrong, you’ll look for problems. If you realize His nature, you’ll look for His presence.
I remind you, He said He would prepare a table—the place of intimacy, fellowship, and nourishment—before you in the presence of your enemies. There is grace for every moment, grace for every season. He’s extravagant; He’s not wasteful; He made sure to pick up all the loaves and fish that weren’t eaten because He doesn’t waste. I think God can trust you with abundance if you’re not wasteful. Some people display their wealth by their waste; it’s not good stewardship. You never have so much that you can waste.
This season I’ve been in for a little while now, I like to talk about occasionally so that you understand what’s going on here, and my season of mourning is no longer just a season of mourning; it’s just moments of mourning, moments of grief. You don’t get to direct your seasons. You can’t say, «Well, okay, I’ve done this long enough.» It doesn’t work that way. When you follow Him, you find yourself in places in God you couldn’t earn; you couldn’t work them up; you couldn’t somehow claim or declare your way into it. It just doesn’t work that way.
These seasons are relational. He brings us into seasons, into moments, into atmospheres where it’s only by following Him that we find ourselves there. You know, Jesus says He was baptized in water, and He came out. The Spirit of God came upon Him. The Holy Spirit led Him into the wilderness. If the Holy Spirit leads you into the wilderness, it’s because you’ve been set up for tremendous victory. It doesn’t lead us into situations to be defeated; He leads us into situations to defeat the enemy in His name.
That’s the design of things. In this particular season, I find myself surprised—surprised by how happy I am in my heart. I know what it is to choose joy; I mean, it’s been a lifestyle I’ve tried my best to rejoice before the Lord. But this moment I’m in is not the result of me choosing anything but to stay close. It’s like there’s one gauge, one idiot light on my dashboard. The value of the presence is the only thing that’s there. All the other stuff is important, but the one thing I’ve just got to keep my eyes on is that one thing: to live daily in as much realization of the presence of the Spirit of God as I can because I know He’s taking me into His seasons. It’s just different.
I’m so surprised by what I see Him doing—surprised and thankful. There’s another passage I want to hold in contrast to this; you know, I’m asked a lot by wonderful friends around the world who want to know how I’m doing, and I don’t mind talking about anything at any time. I don’t hold anything back, but I also don’t broadcast. There’s this passage when the Lord spoke to Israel; He said that every man would gather according to each one’s need and then for one person according to the number of persons in your tent.
Then it says, «When they measured it by omers.» Whatever an omer is—I know Barry Bonds hit a lot of homers—laughs. He who gathered, listen to this verse, «He who gathered much had nothing left over, and he who gathered little had no lack.» The whole deal was for six days of the week, every morning, they got up, picked the manna off the ground for their family, and they couldn’t keep enough for tomorrow. They had to go back to gather enough for just today. Then tomorrow they had to regather, except the day before the Sabbath; they could pick up two days' worth because they weren’t supposed to gather on the Sabbath.
The Lord did this supernatural sustaining thing with the manna; it wouldn’t get worms or stuff the second day if it was for the Sabbath. That’s just a bizarre story! But the point is, the manna story is enough for each day, and that’s all Elijah’s story was: enough for forty days. If you don’t recognize the season that you’re in, the moment that you’re in, you’ll either try to gather so much that it turns to worms—it’s kind of a weird illustration, but work with me, just pretend you understand—or you miss your moment where the Lord speaks so profoundly to you that He’s actually creating a momentum that will take weeks, maybe months, to unravel.
To be honest with you, I don’t look at where I’m at and evaluate my season; I don’t. I’m not trying to be humble; I’m just not smart enough. I don’t get it. What I do get is His mood. I pick up on His mood; I pick up on what He’s thinking. I can recognize His presence, and if I’ve got that, afterwards I can look back and describe the season to you, but when I’m in it—no, not so much! At least for me. You may get it, but I don’t.
But when it’s over, I can see that, «Oh, that was a season of,» and describe it. But here’s the thing to remember: if you define your seasons by your problem, you’ve already lost. The season is never about your problem; the season is always about the solution you’re going to discover. It’s always about that additional step of expanding the kingdom, letting Jesus be more magnified, more exalted, and more illustrated in a given situation.
That’s our life; we go literally from glory to glory. We go from one place of illustrating Jesus to another. I like having places where I’ve met with God throughout the years. My life’s history is on the pages of this book. I remember walking on the property in Weaverville, weeping before the Lord because of an ache in my heart, and the Lord spoke to me out of this job.
I met with Him at a burning bush that day; He shaped my life. I remember walking in the back of the sanctuary, praying, and the Lord opened up an entire chapter to me unlike anything that had ever happened before, and it affected every day of my life since then. It was a burning bush; it was a moment where I turned aside, and the Lord began to instruct me, and He’s been instructing me ever since. History! I just feel so challenged because of a particular problem that was so painful.
I remember flying from New Zealand back to the U.S. in First Class—shall we give thanks? Actually, it was a great idea; I sat there weeping with a blanket over my head because I was just so grieved over something so great. I remember opening my Bible, you know you’ve got people all over the plane with their papers from IBM, Apple, and other business projects, and their great plans and architect drawings. All of this stuff is around me and I’ve got my important building plans; I bring out my important papers.
I remember, I’ll never forget. I began to read in Psalms 25, and He spoke to me in every psalm. I think it was seven or eight psalms, maybe nine. He fed my soul for like the next hour. I would read it, and it was like Jesus was sitting in front of me speaking into my being, into my person, with verse after verse, statement after statement.
So now something happens: I can just go right to Psalms 25. You know, I’ve got history with Him; I met with Him there. I can go to Ephesians 4, where the Lord spoke to me in the woods up in Weaverville. I can go to these places in Scripture because there’s a little cabin in the woods there, a place I retreat to anytime I want.
And it doesn’t mean that’s the end of it; it means that’s the launching pad because He wants to open up more to me—He wants to teach me more about His heart, His ways, His nature, His hope, His promise for me. I like to go to that cabin in the woods, that verse, or that moment where you have history. For some of you, you’ve known the Lord a very short time, but you remember the moment you received Christ. Somebody spoke a Scripture. Guess what? That’s your cabin in the woods.
It may have been John 3:16, «For God so loved the world.» Is there any greater verse in the Bible? «For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.» That may be your cabin in the woods, but the point is everyone has one. If you’ve forgotten where it is, get your map out and find it because it’s not about survival; you’re going to survive. It’s about how you’re going to survive. I want to survive thriving! I want thriving to be my survival instinct.
I want to make it through whatever I face in life in a way that first pleases Him. Secondly—and this may sound selfish, but it’s healthy for my own person—it’s got to be healthy for me.
When you get on an airplane, the stewardess says put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then on those around you who need assistance. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be around to take care of those you care for. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself; it’s a responsibility I owe you to take care of me.
Thus, the wagyu beef—it’s true! That was a little excessive, Richard, but create your history so that as you’re in your daily reading of Scripture and you read that verse, you go, «Oh yeah, oh God, I’ll never forget how you met me there.» Something begins to happen. It’s not your imagination recreating; it’s the fact that you’re meeting with the Timeless One whose voice echoes throughout eternity.
What He has spoken will never be forgotten. For several weeks now, the real priority of my life is simplicity—just to simplify. Somebody mentioned it sometime this week, and a lady came up afterwards, talking about balsamic vinegar or something. When you cook it down, it’s reduction; you reduce it and it’s more intense. Simplicity intensifies what’s important; it intensifies it, adds oomph to whatever you’re saying yes to.
You know, there are times we can have a dozen things going on in our lives, but this isn’t that season for me. It may be for you, but for me, it’s just like I’ve got one gauge, one idiot light on my dashboard, and it’s the presence of God, it’s His mood, it’s His heart—what can I sense from Him?
It always involves Scripture; I won’t go a day without reading Scripture. I don’t remember the last time I didn’t read Scripture. I woke up at two or something in the morning with kidney stones. There’s an experience you don’t want to have again! My goodness! That was horrible! Benny was on a retreat, and I had the kids at home, so I called my doctor; he said he’d meet me at the hospital. I said, «I can’t drive,» so he came to pick me up. I called Chris; I said, «Chris, meet me at the hospital.»
So they took me in early that morning and gave me morphine. What a glorious drug! My goodness gracious! I’m not trying to promote anything; I just—I’m saying my heart was filled with thankfulness as I ascended these heights.
When it was all over, I came to and didn’t read the Bible that day. I wasn’t sure I remembered how to read, but I was quite happy, let’s just put it that way. I just—I won’t! I can’t! I can’t! It’s not like this great discipline; I guess there’s discipline involved, but it doesn’t turn into discipline. I don’t need discipline to stay in the book anymore; it’s become such a part of my breathing.
We’re alive because He talks. We’re alive because He speaks, and I want to engage! I want to read with Him!
Listen to this: «When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; through the rivers they will not overflow you; when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, nor will the flame scorch you.»
He didn’t say «if"—He said «when.» And it doesn’t say «when you walk through the floodwaters and through the fire, you’re just walking through something I created for you; it’s a real mess, and I hope you make it.» It’s not that. It’s a father saying, «Listen, you’re still on a planet filled with sin. There are things that happen in life that were never meant for you, but they happen just the same.»
So, I’m giving you an answer before you have the question. I’m giving you a solution before you have a problem, and here it is: it’s my promise. It’s what He did in the 23rd Psalm: «I will prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies.» It’s there; don’t allow a season to be defined by your problem.
Come on! In the first service, I said, «Now I’d like to talk to you for another hour.» I kind of felt like I was threatening them, so I’m not threatening!
You know, sometimes you come into seasons where you’re not looking for insight to share, or a message, a sermon, or a prophetic word; all you have the privilege of doing is talking your moments out loud. Just talk them out loud and walk around that 500 acres and see if any of it makes sense.
I feel like the Lord is doing something in our worship. I don’t want to say that worship is getting better; I just know I’m getting better! I know something’s happening in me day by day as I come into this glorious presence that has been increasing week after week for quite a while. I’m so thankful!
But I feel the same exact grace at home. That same grace when I get up in the morning, when I go to bed at night; it’s the exact same grace. I just—I can’t live without continually feeding my soul on that which puts His life on display in me.
So my prayer is: Father, help us simplify in all the right ways. Make us hypersensitive to the Holy Spirit, to Your mood, the way You think. Just help us to fully engage with You in these moments You create for us, whether they be loud and obvious or subtle and easily missed. Help us with that awareness of Your presence that enables us to miss nothing. I pray this in Jesus' name.
There’s always a chance anytime there’s a crowd this size that there would be people here who have never surrendered your life to Christ. You’ve never been what the Bible calls «born again,» and I want to give you the opportunity for that. If you’d be one who would say, «Bill, I don’t want to leave the building until I know I’ve given my life to Jesus. I’ve become a true disciple of Jesus.»
See, the Bible says if a man gains the whole world and loses his own soul, I mean literally—you could be the owner of the planet and lose your own soul; you would have nothing. So there’s an opportunity given to every one of us. If you’ve never surrendered your life to Jesus, this is the moment: just put a hand up real quick where you are. I just want to make agreement with you; I just want to catch your eye and see what you’re doing and what you’re saying.
Yes to Jesus. But I’m not going to hold it up any longer. I’m going to assume you’re all in. We’ve got a band of people over here who would love to talk to you and pray. Let’s have the ministry team come to the front as well right now, quickly.
Then who’s helping me? The lovely lady is coming up to rescue you from me, is what’s happening!