Beth Moore - Let's Talk Family
Hey everybody, I am so excited to be able to invite you into a brand new two-part series that's going to take us a little bit off road from our usual format. This one is called, "Let's Talk Family". For these next two programs, you have the invitation to come in on a Q&A that I'm getting to do with my good friend, Dr. Russell Moore, who is the president of the ERLC. We're at a family conference and we're talking about all sorts of things, marriage, family, kids, and just trying to maintain some godly integrity in a really, really hard and cold world. I gotta tell you something, I don't know what questions are coming until he asks me. So, this is what you can know, it's about to get real, and I think, not only are we gonna have a good time, I think maybe somebody might find a little help in what we've got to share. I so hope you'll tune in. Stay with us for a really, really fun, maybe interesting and intriguing series. See you there.
Russell Moore: Imagine, Beth, that you could get in a time machine and go back and talk to 20-year-old Beth Moore in Arkansas and say, "I want to give you some advice and counsel about family. And as you're thinking through family, here are some things that you need to know that you don't know yet. Maybe you think you do, but you don't. What sort of things would you..."
Beth Moore: You know, I would hug her so tight because I'd be thinking, "Girlfriend, you got no idea what you got coming. You got no idea what's coming". But I tell you what I would tell her, and it's not a long list. It's one thing, and this is not hyper spiritualizing. This is it, it's all I got. It is all I've got and that is I would say, "Girl, you hold to Jesus as tight as you can, and he is gonna get you through, he is gonna get you through, and you're gonna think you're not going to make it, but he is going to get you through". And everything that comes up, it will still be that same thing for me and all the varied circumstances, Russ, it'd still come back to that same thing, holding on to Jesus for dear life.
I was just telling people online this morning, I'm 61 years old, and I can remember being in my early 20s and wondering, being a little intimidating, a little intimidated by the learning process. I was just beginning to awaken to the study of Scripture and I remember thinking, "I wonder if years from now when the world gets bigger and I know more about it, I don't know, will it turn out that there were more answers than this"? But from here looking back over my shoulder and looking in the world around me, no. This world's got nothing going like Jesus, nothing. He's it, he's it. And truly, that would be it, hold on to him with everything you've got because you don't know the wonders that you have ahead, you don't know some of the horrors that you have ahead, and the heartbreak, and the joys, but he will be your stay, your hope and stay. That's as simplistic as it sounds. That's what I'd tell her, "Hold on, girl".
Russell Moore: I imagine there might be some people who are at a conference like this or watching on live stream, who might assume that in your home, that everything just sort of in the morning, everyone always got up and sang hymns to themselves, they'd have Beth Moore Bible study together. And then you sort of followed your five little steps and everything just, just went right according to plan. And so, they're saying, "Okay, well, what I want to know is, what are the list of steps that we need to do to implement that"? Is that how things rolled for y'all?
Beth Moore: It could not be further from it, could not be further from it. I was sitting there last night, listening to the panel and the speakers, and I was enjoying it so much. And I was reliving, I would glance over my shoulder every now and then and look at many of you and see a lot of young couples. And I was thinking, "Oh, wow," I remember being in these situations where I was at a marriage conference. And I would think to myself, "Wow," I felt like our component, we had such complexity inside our home that I would just, I would long to hear somebody speak to what if it seems like none of it works the way that the steps were supposed to go? What if, for whatever reason, there's all sorts of extenuating circumstances and it makes it a very complex situation?
Well, I'll tell you a little bit. I'm gonna put this in a nutshell for you, but this is gonna to be for somebody. I told Russ a few minutes ago before we came out I said, you know, this is what Keith and I have to bring to the mix when we are able to say to somebody in here, "Listen, we have had a hard time, a hard time". I'll tell you a couple of the reasons why, but I will also tell you because of Jesus in two months, we will celebrate 40 years of marriage. And I do mean 4-0. We came from so much hurt and brokenness. We were both in longterm relationships with compatible people, and we met and I mean, it was just over for us. We were married 14 months later. And we just, we moved all of this baggage. I'm a big believer that baggage attracts baggage and if you can tell me your spouse has a lot of baggage, I'm probably gonna ask you to tell me about yours 'cause I'm already gonna know.
Something attracted it together and I really do think he and I picked out one another across campus and, you know, other people would have thought, I was president my sorority, he was president of his fraternity, that that would have been it. We were just like, no, no, we went after each other's brokenness and brought it all into one home. I come from a background of childhood sexual abuse. He comes from a background, Russ, of tragedy, full on calamity, from a house fire when he was two and his older brother was almost four, and his older brother burned to death. And when I tell you that Keith has severe PTSD, severe, and the things that go with it, which are if you've ever read anything about it, the nightmares.
I can remember coming home from our honeymoon, after our honeymoon for the first week, and it was probably the second or third night we were where we were living in our little place. And during the night, he stood up in the bed and yelled at the top of his lungs. And I mean, I'll never forget that moment because it was the moment that I went, "Wow, this, this may be a wild, wild marriage," and I didn't know the half of it. And just a lot of the torment, and depression, and attachment disorder, and all the things that go with it. And so, we've navigated that. Took me a long time, Russ, to work through things that had been broken in me, but what I can tell you is that we found, and are finding, our way. And so, the steps didn't work, but Jesus did, and I need somebody to hear that.
Listen, when the steps work, work the steps. But our life was so complex and so complicated that a lot, for instance, one of the things that I have to give to the women, I hope, who are wives that are listening to us, is that I was in a situation where Keith, Russ, was not coming in with the same view toward church. He fully supported what I had been called to do, and I say that to his great credit to this day. I told him when he asked me to marry him, I said, "I'm gonna work for Jesus". And he said, "Well, what are you gonna do"? I said, "I do not know". And he said, "Are you going to be a nun"? Which I found so interesting 'cause we've been kissing for about the last hour and a half. But, you know, he comes from a Catholic background. He was like, "Well, she's got a calling. She's a woman, she's gonna be a nun". And I said, "No, no, I'm not going to be a nun". He said, "If you're not going to be a nun, I can handle anything else, anything else".
Russell Moore: So, we need a time machine for him.
Beth Moore: We really do. And so he supported it constantly, but he went to church when he wanted to and when he didn't want to, he went fishing. He just, you know, there was, you know, you just couldn't lasso him and control him. And I just it was quite the shock because I, if I could have pulled off, listen, I would be teaching marriage seminars everywhere. I think back what I would be like if it had all worked out for me the way that I pictured it was going to, but it didn't. But what I can tell you is we flat out made it and our making it on Jesus Christ. And so, we navigated all of that. We didn't have devotionals at home. You know, we didn't have all of that component. But, I could talk a lot of Jesus to those girls. And so, that's what we did.
Russell Moore: Now, the past couple days, we've had a group of key women leaders ministry from all sorts of age groups and places and whatever. And we were having a conversation about a lot of issues, but at one point, one of the women in the room said to me, "I think that some of you men in ministry have been really kind of sucker punched over the last couple years or so, with some of the revelations that have come out about sexual abuse and sexual assault and just seems to be in every time you turn on the news, it's somewhere in American life. I think some of you have just been really gut punched by that".
Beth Moore: And shocked.
Russell Moore: She said, "None of us are". And I looked around the room and every woman in the room, no matter what age, no matter what kind of church, no matter what, were all nodding their head, "She's exactly right". What should the church do when it comes to the way that women are treated in American life and in global life? What should the church be doing, not only to stop this stuff from happening, but also to minister to women and girls who have been through this kind of horror and who are, who are thinking, "If I talk about this in the church, I'm going to be rejected"?
Beth Moore: Yes, I will tell you what I feel with all of my heart because I know that we're in such a messy era where it seems like nothing good is happening. But Russ, that's not true. The fact that this is coming out, it's very messy right now, but the fact that we are having to deal with it is a good, good thing. And we, who are willing, we are willing, we'll all be better on the other side, the church will be stronger on the other side. I think that if I could put it in a nutshell, I am so thankful that what we are told in the New Testament is that everything that God is doing in us, that once we are saved, that then the process for us becomes by work of the Holy Spirit to conform us into the image of Christ.
So, what that means is that what we do over and over again, is we're looking back at the life of Christ at everything we know about him prophetically from the Old Testament, and then how he was in the gospels, how he acted, how he interacted, what his role was regarding women, the dignity that he gave them. And then what we see throughout the New Testament and what we're called to do, is emulate that, is to imitate that, that when we say the word "Christian," we understand that what we're after is Christ's likeness. So, what we do is we're gonna go back to those gospels over and over again, what did he do? He pointed out when there was oppression. He did not deny it. He didn't look away from it. He gave women dignity. He knew, he knew how they had been broken. He didn't say, it wasn't based on whether or not they earned the right to be treated with dignity. He treated the woman who was caught in adultery, he treated her with dignity.
I want to tell you one thing, Russ, 'cause I know we're running out of time, but I want to say this. I think this is so profound, and I think it's a wonderful way to kind of leave a picture in our mind. I've been so long intrigued about why Jesus wrote in the dirt with that woman standing there when he's looking up at the men and going, "Listen, the one of you that has no sin, go ahead, just cast the first stone". And I realized not long ago, I'd been asking the wrong question. It was not what was he writing. 'Cause I could fixate on that all day long. What was he writing with his finger on the ground? It was why was he writing, why? And I think he was diverting the attention of shameful eyes on that woman. He was diverting that attention. It was like, "Down here, eyes down here, gentlemen, down here," because there's no telling what state of undress she might have been in over and over. Inviting Mary of Bethany, she got to be in Bible class.
I tell women all the time, I said, when we get together for an event, and we get to open our Bibles together in this country just be like, like loud, and an obvious about Jesus. And I'm like, Jesus. He revolutionized the classroom for women. He was like, "Martha, why are you stuck in the kitchen, I mean, like cook in advance, then come to class. I mean, I want Martha to cook, but come into class. Sit at my feet". And that, all we have to do is look at him, how did he act? How did he treat them? Let's do the same. And listen, it's good for both genders. I love what we've heard said a lot over the last year, which is that when each gender flourishes, both flourish.
Russell Moore: You know, I think there might be 'cause I've heard this so many times, I know you have too. There might be somebody, maybe in here or maybe watching on live stream, who has been through some awful, awful kind of abuse or assault and who will say, "I'm just too broken now, too messed up, to be able to really serve the Lord". You and I know that's not true, but what would you say to that person?
Beth Moore: I'd say exactly this, what happened for me, it was not the joy of the Lord for me to go through what I went through as a child. But in his sovereignty, he allowed it. And I'm gonna tell you what happened to me because of the difficulty of my background. Gray has never worked for me. It just can't do that. I don't do, I just can't. I had to be all in with Jesus, or I was not gonna make it. I wasn't gonna make it. And so, because I was too desperate to do it any other way, I lived on him and survived on him, and then, you know, thrived on him. And that's what I can tell her in.
And when I look around, the gift is desperation however it comes. What happened to me was not good. The desperation that it caused in me that I would have to have my mind, I memorized Scripture so that my mind could be renewed. Well, every day, I benefit from that. Those words live in my bones. But one of the things I want to say to you if this is your, if this is your story, if it's similar to mine, I've looked around me over the last year, even as recently as last weekend serving Native American women in Arizona. And you know, you think why did these things happen to me? I would change my story in a heartbeat. But I get to say to them, "You know what? I know Jesus heals. I know his Word renews minds. I know his way works. I know that you can really know the truth, and that the truth will set you free".
Listen, I buy it completely because I've lived off of it. And I realize for such a time as this, I come from this background. I have people go, "Why don't you heal up"? I have healed up, but a whole lot of women have not. And as long as they haven't, as long as there's an eight-year-old little girl out there, an eight-year-old little boy that has been abused and needs some hope, I'm not gonna act like it didn't happen to me. I'm gonna go, "You know what, I've been through it too, and I know you can make it on Jesus. I know you can".
I know you can make it. Listen, it is no coincidence that you're on the other side of that screen for this particular program, whether it is for you personally, or for you to have hope for someone you know, who has been through something like I've been through. One in three women have suffered from some kind of sexual abuse. I want you to know that there is help, and I want you to know that there is help in Christ. I've been pouring over the pages of the gospel of Luke, and been reminded of so many times that he healed.
And I want you to be thinking about this, that Jesus raised a 12-year-old little girl from the dead, that a woman who had been hemorrhaging for 12 solid years, simply reached out and touched the hem of his garment, and she was healed. There is another woman who was bent over, could not straighten up, and she was healed of her infirmity, and her back straightened, and her chin held high. I thought so many times as I read that passage, I know what it's like not to be able to straighten up. Anybody know what I'm talking about? And Jesus came along in my life and began to put me back together again and teach me his Word in the same pages of the gospel of Luke, it refers to Mary Magdalene from whom he cast out seven demons.
There is nothing that Jesus cannot do, and there is no one on the planet that he loves more than you. I want to give you an assignment. I want to challenge you. Would you start reading over the gospel of Luke? Would you watch Jesus in his compassion? Would you watch him in action of healing, how he's taking one broken life after another, and putting it back together again, how he rebuilds, how he shows himself faithful, how much he cares? I don't know what your road looks like, but I know this, your God wants you to flourish. He wants you to thrive. It is to your Father's glory that your life bear much fruit to show yourself to be one of Christ's disciples, and to bring much, much glory to your Father in heaven. He wants your life to be wildly productive, and abundant of spirit.
So, step into that. I don't know what your path will look like. For me, it was a lot of Bible study, it was getting my head in the Scripture so that my mind could be renewed according to the knowledge of God. And it was also seeking Godly counsel and not just a few times. I went for matters of months so that I could really delve into the hurts and the areas of brokenness that had happened in my life, and have a safe place to talk it through. I'm praying for that for you, that God will show you exactly the avenue where you have someone safe that you can talk to, someone that knows what they're doing, that God has positioned in place to bring some real counsel to your life at exactly this time. Would you allow me to pray for you before we end today's program?
Lord, I lift up my beloved sibling to you on the other side of that screen, or perhaps someone who does not know you at all, Lord, whoever it may be, Father, I believe that you are reaching out right now and reminding them, Father, if they've known it before and forgotten it, that you are a healer maybe introducing yourself for the first time to someone as the God who comes and transforms lives. Would you, Father, set their paths straight where they know how to get the help that they need? Give them wisdom, give them insight? Would you awaken them to a love for your Word and would you renew their minds, Father, and put their hearts back together where they've been broken? God, how we thank you that you are the miracle worker, that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever, and he is still a healer and we need you so. We pray these things in the beautiful and perfect name of Jesus, amen.
Hey, everybody, welcome to part two of our current series, "Let's Talk Family". We're going off road this series and we're part of a Q&A at a family conference. We are hosted by Dr. Russell Moore and the ERLC. Now, I want you to stay tuned after the Q&A with Dr. Moore. We are coming back, and my coworker, Selena, is gonna be asking some questions of her own that have to do with marriage and family.
Russell Moore: How do you figure out, when you're sort of navigating, okay, here in a marriage, in your parenting, here are the things that I just sort of don't say anything about, and then here are the things where I kind of navigate in a different direction. How do you figure that out?
Beth Moore: One of the things that I was ever looking for in my children was any kind of obstacle to them flourishing. If we were dealing with situations where, okay, this is difficult, and we tried to always be a very honest and upfront family. There was no way for us to fool our kids into thinking that we did not have some complex issues. And so, we are talkers, that I can say, all four of us can dialogue and bring something to the table. Keith has never, ever, liked any kind of pretension, and I'm so glad for that.
But what I was always looking for, and still to this day would be watching for, even in my grown girls, to say, "Do they seem to be flourishing in Christ"? Because you can flourish under a lot of hardship, but if somebody's getting crushed, that's when you start speaking up. There were times that I did have to step aside with them and go, "Okay, girls, now, listen to me. Listen to me, this is where I'm gonna have to swing in on this and say that this really was not handled in the way that I think would have been healthiest for you".
This was very interesting to navigate. As a woman being raised in an extremely conservative atmosphere, we're trying to figure out what does submission look like if there are times when you feel like, "Man, I don't think my kids are flourishing under these conditions and in this situation"? That's when I would always feel like I could step in and I could say, listen, Russ, I have never been afraid of a good fight, never.
Russell Moore: I can see that, yeah.
Beth Moore: You're not either. Maybe it goes with the name. Maybe so. But I feel like a fight is worth having if a fight is for us instead of with us. If I was fighting for my... I didn't mind fighting with Keith if I was fighting for our marriage. I mean, I could get into it. I I didn't ever mind fighting with my children if I was fighting for them. And so, those are things that I watched for. I was watching what's affecting how, you know, our state of health around here, and are my kids flourishing? I just wanted them to love Jesus. It's still the thing I pray more than all else, for them and for my grandchildren, I wanted them to love Jesus so much. I wanted them to have joy in him, and so, that's what I was watching for. How can I navigate that?
Russell Moore: Well, while you're parenting, and all through those early years, here you are, I mean, one of the most comprehensive Bible teachers in the world. I mean, there's almost no passage or Scripture I can think of that you haven't taught extensively. So, you were having to spend a lot of time studying in the Word, preparing, cultivating your gifts, traveling all over the place, and I think there are many, maybe even especially single moms, who are saying, "I'm trying to deal with my two jobs I have with studying the Bible, with praying, and with dealing with soccer practice, and with somebody whose got a D on a report card, and I just don't know how to balance all that". How did you learn how to do that?
Beth Moore: I would love to answer to that. One of the things I'm so thankful for is that God was building the ministry at the same time that my family was growing. And so, the ministry grew up with the kids. And by that I mean, okay, by the time I was in my mid-20s, and so Melissa would have been a baby, and Amanda would have been a couple of years old. By that time, I was already getting asked to do whether it was a luncheon in Houston, there was so much ministry that I could do right in Houston. I was already beginning to do what many of us would call Christian motivational speaking. And so, it might have been a couple of times a month.
So, that was pretty easy to navigate around. By the time a couple of years passed, then it was getting to be more so, and so Keith and I came up with what worked for us. And so, our typical, how I balanced it was that I worked within the time the kids were in mother's day out, and then when they went to kindergarten, and when they went to first grade, and then on through school. I started writing Bible studies when both of them were in middle school. So, what I would do, I did the very typical carpool. I met the bus when they rode the bus. I did all the regular things that stay-home moms did, but from the time they left in the morning until the time they got home in the afternoon, I studied like a maniac. I mean, I was mesmerized by it. I could not study enough.
And I'm just almost as addicted to it today as I was that verse season when my eyes were just blown open to the beauty of Scripture, but I just loved it. But I did everything that I could within that time, and then it got to the point, and this is about the same way it is now, that every other Friday night, so a couple of Friday nights a month, I would be in a city, and I would come back on Saturday. So, like two to three times, three nights a month, Keith would hold the fort down and I would be somewhere else. The rest of the time, I was managing working during... I say working, you realize, of course, Russ, I was not making a dime, you know. Who would even dream that they ever would? You write, but people ask me all the time about writing. I said, "No, no, you're asking me about publishing". If you asked me how to write, I would just say to you, "Write, minister what you're writing to the immediate group around you".
You know, if you're talking to me about how do you publish, that's a different question. Do you wanna write and minister to people? Write, minister to people. And so, that's what I did, and I just did it while they were in school as much as I could. And then, it just sort of grew up with them. They didn't really have all of the complexities that the ministry has now when they were growing up so much. They knew, at church, you know, I had a large Sunday school class and that kind of thing, and they knew that they were having to wait after Sunday school a good length of time, and that kind of thing, but the rest of the stuff, the more public kind of element really did not grow until they were heading into college.
Russell Moore: One of the things I've noticed just talking to ministry kids just over the years, I think there's a perception that a lot of them who are disillusioned and hurt are sort of disillusioned by their parent, and I really haven't found that to be the case. Most of the time, these really hurting ministry kids will say, "My parent is great, my mom or dad, they're great, it was what I saw in the church and what I saw in the ministry". And what I've noticed with both Melissa and Amanda, you have two super-bright, intellectual young women who also, and correct me if I'm wrong, don't seem to be cynical at all. Was that something that you intentionally sort of tried to lead in, or did that just happen?
Beth Moore: I think that the huge explanation for that is, in just basic terms, the pure grace of God. I'm so thankful to him that because he entrusted other elements to us that were, and remained, extremely difficult, that there were some other things he really just blessed us with. And one of the things that I think helped us a lot is that we have always dealt with reality and taken it on. There has not been pretension where they saw hypocrisy, and so that has helped a lot. We also do a lot of talking about what's going on regarding when there is hurt to us from the outside, like church hurt, whatever it might be. We talk about it a lot. My oldest daughter is my pastor's wife, so now, Russ, I'm getting to be in a situation where Keith and I are a safe place for Amanda and Curtis to come and just, you know, drop on the couch on the other side of the den from us and say, "Man, this is what's going on with us, and this," and we can really relate to them.
One of the things that's helped us is that we, for whatever reason, were given the gift of laughter, and the more absurd life gets, the funnier the Moore's get. And we have been hilarious the last couple of years, absolutely hilarious. So, I mean, that has helped. And I just think that what the girls would tell you, the main thing I was after with them was that I wanted them to know Jesus was everything. That he wasn't just authority and the big boss that was just looking for them to mess up, but he was every single wonderful thing in all of life. He was gonna be our rest when we were exhausted, he was gonna be our foundation when everything was shaking. He was the biggest joy of my life, and I wanted my kids to understand that.
So, I never acted like everybody else had it together, because we didn't, so they didn't expect there to not be conflicts around us. They saw conflict in their own home, but what they weren't cynical about was Jesus, because Jesus did come through just exactly the way he promised he would. And so, there were not other promises made. I don't know any other way to put it. What we put before our children is, or what Keith often did, and what I tried to do over and over, however poorly at times, was say, "I'm gonna tell you something. When everything else lets you down, everybody else let's you down, there is Jesus, and he is separate from everything else and everyone else that represents him, there is Jesus".
And I hope that when they launched from our home, that was what they took. That everything else may fall apart, but he's gonna come through, and he did, and so, they got through it. They got through the ministry thing, and I've watched that carefully, because I've seen it a lot. I've thought, "How did we get away with this"? Because we messed up so many things. How did we get away with this? And I think it is because we never acted like anything else was really gonna be dependable, but him.
Russell Moore: You know, one of the things I've noticed is that when you're with either of your daughters, it's obvious that you are close friends.
Beth Moore: They're my best friends.
Russell Moore: And so, I think there are a lot of people who maybe are at the beginning of their family lives, and they're thinking, "That's what I wanna end up with," and some of them end up with saying, "Well, I can't really be disciplinarian because I wanna be friend to them, so you wanna go to the fifth-grade keg party of whatever, you know, what can I say"? And so, they end up in that sort of situation. You probably didn't do that. So, how did things go instead?
Beth Moore: No, let me tell you for sure, I was not afraid to be mom. We had a good time, we did a lot of laughing, but there was no doubt, either one of them would tell you, "Listen, Mom could get fire in her eyes". There were times when I would say to them, "Go to your room and lock the door, because I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you". And you will often think that probably not only are they not going to be your best friends, they may not speak to you ever again from the time they're adolescents. That's not true, hang in there. You don't let them go, they don't get that option. You know, I said, you know, I'm on your person. If you do not respond to me, I will sit on you. I will not be ignored. I am your mother. We're doing life, you got me no matter what, and, you know, to this day when I see Melissa, she twirls me, twirls me like a baton. She picks me up, and she just twirls me, because we had a blast. The Moore's have cried so many tears, and gone through so much sorrow together, and difficulty, and such complexity, and at times what felt like madness, Russ, but we've had a dang good time, and we are a close family, and we are tight.
Russell Moore: Amen, well, I thank God for the ministry of Beth Moore, don't you? Thank you.
Beth Moore: Thank you, Russ. Can I tell them about one thing I have?
Russell Moore: Oh, absolutely, please do.
Beth Moore: I wanna tell you something. I was telling Russ, one of the things, because I was raised in the church and loved it so much, but I lived, I cycled in and out of so much sin. I was such a disaster, such a train wreck. And I knew what my life was supposed to look like, but for the life of me, I did not know how. And so, I am constantly driven in my ministry to try to tell people how. Not just tell 'em what to do, and here's like, steps you... no, how do we do it? And so, prayer, parents, listen, you fight battles in the heavenlies.
Do not tell me how messed up your family is and then you're gonna tell me the next, and how worried you are about them, but you're not getting up and praying for your family. Father, don't tell me how much you care about the spiritual upbringing of your kids when they are in a mess when you are not getting up and praying for your family. I just don't have any respect for it. This is where the battles are won, and so, what I did is that I have listed out prayers that are based on Scriptures that just pray about what I would hope my kids would become. And it's two pages, front and back, so it's a little bit how. I mean, take 'em if you want to, and pray these things over your children, so that you'll have some verbiage before the throne. Because, let me tell you something, these battles will be won in prayer. Amen.
Selena Schorken: Thank you so much for sticking around. Now, I really loved watching your interview with Dr. Moore, that was so much insight and so helpful to me, and I'm not even a mom yet, but I am married, and I found so much of that just really insightful and so helpful for the future. And we also had some ladies send in their questions to us, and I'm really excited to hear your answers to some of these. So, the first question is, what advice would you give to a new mom with a little baby when life is wildly busy, your sleep schedule is completely off, and time to spend in Scripture seems to go right out the window?
Beth Moore: There is absolutely nothing more relentless than parenthood, particularly if it is an infant or several young children. I mean, it just keeps coming like a freight train, and what you have got to know is that there is grace for every single season. God knows what season we're in, he placed us in that season. I also would want them to know, Selena, that what you're doing is sacred in itself. Nurturing an infant is sacred, rest is sacred. I cannot say quickly enough give up on perfect, and I mean run from it for your life, because the more you try to keep it all perfectly together, the more you try to be the perfect mom, have the perfect infant, have the perfect home, the more miserable you're going to be. You're gonna have to let some things go. When that baby sleeps, you're gonna need to sleep at the same time, so that you're getting a little bit of rest.
And from a spiritual aspect, one of the things that I think is so important when you're overwhelmed by something that is demanding every moment, which young motherhood or to an infant particularly often is, is to create an atmosphere where you're very mindful of God's presence and power with you. I have a little marker board that sits in my kitchen, it may be something like that that you just have a Scripture on for that particular day or that week, that you have music playing. I'm thinking in terms of Christie Nockels's CD that has lullabies on it, something of that kind of thing. Where that kind of praise music, that kind of an atmosphere is set, but that you're not having somehow to hit the books right then or get to things that you can't do because you've got an infant in your arms. It is setting the atmosphere, putting up a couple of Scriptures here and there, doing what would be the equivalent of a one to two-minute devotional.
I'm gonna say this to you, moms. One of the things that I think is so important is just really surrendering the day, finding that time. Very often, an infant will get us up in the morning before we even open our eyes to do anything else. But as soon as the little one is settled, maybe that's when you just honestly get down on your knees and say, "Lord, this is the day that you have made, this is the place where you have put me, please empower me to do this to your glory. Help me to feel the joy in what you've called me to do and help me to be a good mom". Let me tell you something, you're gonna be, because you wanna be. Don't compare yourself to other moms and don't compare your baby to other people's children. Let God work in your own home and in your own life.
Selena Schorken: That is so good, thank you so much for answering that. I feel like that's gonna be so helpful and so freeing.
Beth Moore: I hope so, I hope so.
Selena Schorken: So, on the other side of the spectrum, we also had several ladies wanting more insight on how to parent adult children. Do you have any advice for navigating the relationship in the later years with your kids, or at what point might the relationship start to slip into codependency?
Beth Moore: That is such a good question, and I have absolutely loved having adult daughters. That has been so fulfilling for me, because then, when they are getting older, when they have launched, you begin to be able to be something between that mother figure that you've been and a really good friend. The nature of it changes. It's more advisory instead of so bossy. In fact, if you don't lose that bossiness, you may lose some relationship with that kid that is now a grownup. Because, listen, let's remember that the point is, we want our kids to launch. And so, if we keep them from launching by our control and by getting our fingernails down into all of it and trying to even make them be happy, we just think we know what would make them happy and we wanna make them do it, we wanna make them go to church and keep up with them, be their sheriff and their accountability partner. That is not our job, and it will wear us out, and it wears them out.
There are ways that we can have subtle control as moms. In other words, maybe we're not gonna be so forthright, we're just gonna be subtle with it. In other words, just let them know we're disappointed in them. Just kind of begin to be a little bit quieter, a little bit colder than we've been. Pull back some of that warmth. Let me tell you something, that just proves disastrous, disastrous. I have found that along the way, in my children's entire lives, that the best kinds of battles are fought in prayer. Yes, I was a mom growing up that was gonna tell her kids, when my kids were still in the home, what the rules were, what I expected out of them. I still fought the major battles in prayer, and boy is that true when you have adult kids.
Remember that we wanna be close to them but not clingy. We want to be supportive, but we don't want to suffocate them. So, we've gotta let them be able to launch, and we gotta let them be able to find their way. I do wanna say this. Remember that the goal is responsible adults. And so, if we always rescue them instead of letting them learn to be responsible for their own things, and I'm all about coming alongside and helping, that's different than the parent rescuing an adult child over, and over, and over again from whatever consequences it may be. Let them learn, let them workout some finances, too. Let them come to a place of responsibility where they can thrive, where you're supportive, but you're not overtaking it where they never even develop. Remember, launch is what we're after.