Allen Jackson - From Rejection to Acceptance - Part 2
We can’t eliminate rejection from the journey, it’s a part of our journey in this present world order. But rejection does not have the power to keep you from God’s best. I’m gonna say it again: the rejection that touches your life does not have the power to keep you from God’s best. Unless we allow it to, it can be overcome. And this isn’t just biblical. You know, I can give you many illustrations from the people whose… I do life with that’s not always the most comfortable. It’s easier to do it from my own life.
There are some responses I learned as a little fellow. Long before I was emotionally mature or as mature as I got. Keep praying, I’m still growing. You know, when I was young, our family moved a bit, not a horrific lot, but I was in four schools by the time I got to the sixth grade in three states. So I met a lot of different kids and students. And you know, I learned responses. How do you navigate those things in your life? You don’t have training for that yet. For the first several years of my life, my dad was my barber. You don’t know my dad well enough, you know Melo George. He got his practice for being my barber on trimming horses. So he had a clipper with a blade. There was no art to it. The art was not cutting my ears.
So I had a relatively short haircut, which is kinda cute when you’re a little fellow, but I grew to the point that it wasn’t so fashionable. And you’re in a new school with a new group of people and kids being who kids are. Some decided they’d make fun of your hair. They didn’t like your haircut. «What’s wrong with you? Why does your hair look like that»? Well, I couldn’t explain to them George. So I came up with my own response. I don’t care. I don’t care. It’s not true. You’d rather they compliment you. But the world being what it was, that doesn’t always happen, so I formulated a response. I processed a few more years and I liked athletics, so I went to play ball.
And so, through determination and hard work, I made the team, but to get better you had to play people who were older than you and stronger than you. When I was a freshman, I got to play with the varsity, and they were bigger, and older, and stronger and two or three years difference in high school makes a big difference. So we go to MTSU, and sneak into the gym, and get in pick-up games with college students. And if you did very well, competitive being what competitive is, they’ll start to punish you, physically. Playing basketball, a non-contact sport. I got my eye cut, my nose broken, my teeth knocked out. Thank God it was not a contact sport. But I learned a new response. That didn’t hurt. Somebody much bigger than me and far more physically gifted than me, get annoyed at me and launch an elbow or some such foolishness, I’d get up off the floor and grin. Spit a little blood and go, «That didn’t hurt».
Now, that’s a lie, folks. Somebody knocks your teeth out, it hurts. But not me, I just took a handful of blood and smeared it across the jersey and grinned. If they think you’re half crazy, it gives you a slight advantage. So, I chose a facade of some superficial happiness. I kept growing. I left home, I left Middle Tennessee. I went to college. I got into a degree program in college that was highly competitive and there was a high attrition rate. The faculty’s objective was to reduce the number of students. They only wanted those who were willing to pay the price to be in the degree program. We started with several hundred of us and by my junior year there was just a handful. Two or three dozen of us left.
My best friends would come into my dorm room. They’d be crying and they say, «You know, this professor said I’m too stupid to do this». And I’d get in their face and I said, «You go tell that professor», and I won’t repeat. It wasn’t all biblically based. It wasn’t fair. They didn’t intend to be fair, they intended to create pressure. Life’s not fair. And I learned another response: I won’t quit. You’re not gonna make me quit. I don’t care what you do. I don’t care how you lie, cheat, and steal, I’ll be there the next day.
Now, you bundle all those together: I don’t care, that didn’t hurt, and I won’t quit, all those got built into my little life. Before I was really conscious, I was responding much. But they all reflect all those responses can be summarized to something: rejection. Not because of evil, just life. And God puts some, you know, I can tell you the negative. He put some remarkable people in my pathway. He put, I thought she was a little old lady. She’s probably younger than I am now, but let’s not dwell on that. And she rode back to college with me and talked to me about forgiving and about how much hatred I had in my heart 'cause see I needed the fuel of hatred to keep me from quitting. I needed the resentment to keep me up late enough to study what I needed to study, I thought.
And she heard all of that in me and she knew the Lord well enough that, we happened to have an ice storm that day, so a trip I could usually make in about 9 hours took 14. So she had plenty of time. And through God’s grace I was able to hear and I could forgive and release. And God set me free. It changed the whole trajectory of my life. If I hadn’t had that car ride, I’d be a very different person today. See, I’m convinced that rejection is universal. It’s a part of the journey through time. But it doesn’t have the power to define your future unless you give it that power.
Now, the opposite of rejection would be acceptance. And that’s where we started our discussion, that we’ve been accepted by God. That we’ve received his favor. 'Cause he said we were fearfully and wonderfully made. So, against your life experiences, we’re gonna set in contrast what God has said about us. We’re gonna unpack some other expressions of rejection and how they come to us. But the synonyms of rejection, the things that sound like rejection, that feel like rejection, is being excluded. It’s that feeling of being unwanted. You don’t really belong. Somehow you’re on the outside, but you don’t know how to get on the inside. It’s like everybody else got the manual, and nobody gave you a copy. They don’t teach you the secret handshake. You don’t learn as quickly as they learn, or you don’t see the world in the same way they see the world, or you can’t process information, or you sound different, or whatever.
It’s not imaginary. The first step in overcoming rejection is to recognize the problem. It’s the reason I started this by telling you it’s gonna be multiple sessions. I can’t finish this in this session. It’s not a trick to make you come to church more often. But we’ll do another section of this on Wednesday and we’ll do another section the following Wednesday, but the first step in overcoming rejection is to recognize the problem. But the goal of this little series is to move from rejection to acceptance. If God has accepted us, if God has shown us his favor, if God is pleased with us… what does Romans 8 say? «If God is for us, who can be against us»?
You want that in good Tennessee Southern? If God picked you, do you really care who objects? Now, I’ve belabored the point a bit. I’ve taken my time in walking through some of the biblical characters because I think there are so many people affected. And typically you’re unaware. And I don’t want that to continue to flourish. And it isn’t just for yourself. I want you to have the tools to help the people in your family and your friends network. You see, freedom is available to us. And while we see needs for changes all around us, we typically have a very small imagination that it could be us. And so, before you write on your notes the people that you think need to hear this lesson, let’s just pause for a moment and cross out all those names. And say, «God, if there’s any way any of this could apply to me, give me an understanding heart».
I got a couple of minutes left. There are some causes for rejection. I’ll give you just a sample list. I told you, in my life I can recognize it started pretty early. I think it often begins when we’re children. It’s not limited to that, but it can. There’s a pregnancy that’s unwanted. There’s just no room, or time, or space. Circumstances aren’t there. You know, people say to me, «I don’t believe a child in the womb could be affected». Well, I understand in the culture of death how you could hold that idea. But think with me just a moment, we can follow the science, if you will. Most of us would agree that a baby in the womb could be affected by the behavior of the mother. She could eat something, or take something, or make a choice that could damage the development of that child.
Well, if it’s true physically, why would those of you who imagine yourself to be the people of God not believe it’s true as well spiritually? It’s illogical to reject that out of hand. The spiritual impact upon an unborn child is very much a possibility, and it’s not just negative, it can be positive. You don’t start parenting after you hold the little person for the first time. Imagine the impact in a nation where for decade upon decade, we’ve had a public debate, saying it’s about choice. Imagine what that unleashes in the lives of children. I believe when the story of our nation is told and it’s looked at a bit more objectively, that the sin of abortion will be far greater than the sin of slavery. And slavery was heinous, unthinkable, inexcusable.
Sometimes children suffer 'cause parents are just not able to communicate their love for a child. It’s not always intentional, it’s not always an expression of evil, sometimes parents don’t have the capacity from some of their own scars or the demands in their own lives. Maybe they have emotional limits or great stresses. One of the things we’ll have to do is release our parents from the burden of meeting our expectations. «Well, they should have been better». Perhaps they should be. But we’re still gonna be required to forgive them. Not getting back in line for further abuse. I’m not suggesting that at all. Your parents may have had some very significant character failures, but you have to forgive them.
The Bible says we have to honor our parents. We don’t have to honor what they did. Your mom may have been a prostitute. You don’t have to honor what she chose to do, but you have to honor her as your mom. And we have broken marriages. Let’s not talk about the adults yet, let’s talk about the children. It has an enormous impact upon them. They don’t have the emotional maturity to process that. It feels like the family that they’re looking to to keep them safe, and strong, and protected is being broken apart and somehow if they could have been something else or done something different, perhaps they could have kept that from happening. Divorce is so common amongst us. I’m not throwing stones at that, I’m telling you there are consequences to that that go beyond what a judge or a court order can resolve.
It results in children being bitter towards a father. Or it’s whatever new relationships emerge or towards a mother, it’s common. We live in a culture where fathers are, to a far too great a degree are absent. Absentee fathers in the home are one of the greatest sources of rejection in the lives of children. Is it any wonder we have a whole new generation of children who are saying they’re confused? It’s not surprising. Folks, the church has an assignment. We have work to be done. We have a message that will bring hope to our world. If you have brothers and sisters, it’s not uncommon at all. In fact, it’s more the natural order than it isn’t for siblings to perceive unequal treatment from a parent 'cause we’re all selfish little rascals, we want first place.
So we think somebody else is getting an advantage. I had a conversation with a parent last week. He said the oldest had become a teenager and the youngest was on the young end, then he said the two in the middle are just afraid they’re not being treated fairly. And we got this little inner button, like, «I want an opportunity,» we all do. And so, we tend to think there’s some unequal treatment whether we center it on birth order or there’s a preferred gender in your family of origin. There’s a compounding factor in all of this. If you’ll accept it, there’s spiritual influences that come in where we have those emotional responses. For every negative emotion that you and I can give expression to, for every negative attitude or every negative reaction or behavior, there’s a corresponding spirit with that.
You know, the church, we have a lot of language around the Holy Spirit and the good that the Spirit of God can do. We have very little awareness and very little conversation about what unclean spirits, what unholy spirits can do. Behind jealousy there’s a spirit of jealousy, and behind anger there’s a spirit of anger, and behind fear there’s a spirit of fear. And I’m not saying that everybody struggles with fear has a spirit of fear. I’m not delivering you absolutes. But I can tell you that a person who fails to exercise self-control, or who habitually gives in to fear, or maybe has some frightening or terrifying experience as a child when they’re not emotionally mature enough to protect themselves, can open their lives to a spirit. And I’ll tell you, one good way to recognize that, we’ll talk about it a bit more is, you recognize that you don’t have the control that you should.
You know you’re engaged in a behavior that’s destructive or a response that’s destructive and you would even grieve the damage you’re causing, but you feel powerless to stop it. The Holy Spirit will never control you, never. I hear people say to me, «You know, I didn’t wanna do it, but the Lord told me». Stop it, the Holy Spirit will not control you. If the Holy Spirit were gonna control you, how many of you know he’d stopped us from sinning long before we had any inclination? An unholy spirit will dominate, manipulate, control you. I’ve sat with many, many people engaged in behaviors. They say, «It’s destroying my health, it’s ruined my finances, it’s destroyed my family, and I seem powerless to stop».
We see all sorts of behaviors that are destroying us as a people. And we seem powerless to even address them because we’re unwilling to have a spiritual conversation. There’s another contributor. I am out of time. I’m gonna finish this little bit. There’s another contributor to rejection, and it’s betrayal and shame. Broken trust leads to betrayal. So you’re really looking for those places where trust is broken and often leads us to shame. Maybe a broken marriage, maybe sexual or physical abuse in childhood, maybe you’re fired from a job unjustly, unfairly. If you’re fired because you’re lazy and you don’t show up, don’t call that rejection. Maybe you’re left off the sports team.
Oh, yeah, like I’m on the timeline for this session. Maybe you didn’t gain acceptance to a school you chose. Maybe you weren’t included or welcomed into some social group that you wanted to be a part of or some gathering. Well, I brought you some scriptures 'cause there’s a resolution to this. I’ll read these and then we’re gonna say a prayer.
Isaiah 54 says, «Don’t be afraid; you’ll not suffer shame». Well, if the statement is, «Don’t be afraid; you won’t suffer shame,» what are the people being challenged with? Shame. There’s a sense of betrayal and they’re ashamed. «Don’t fear disgrace; you’ll not be humiliated. You’ll forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. Your Maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is his name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he’s called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit, a wife who married young, only to be rejected».
See, the promise God is offering his people is that you won’t be overwhelmed by shame. The disgrace and humiliation will not define your future. Poor treatment that you have received does not have the power to shape who God created you to be. That is a message that should cause us to respond with an amazing sense of relief and joy. We’re gonna talk about how to walk into that, but look at Isaiah chapter 61, «Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; so that they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs». That’s the alternative. The joy that’s not based in our circumstances or the behaviors of the people around us.
Hebrews 12, «Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame». The last public presentation of Jesus was as a convicted criminal, hungry, thirsty, naked on a cross. It’s a very shameful presentation. None of you would wish that on any member of your family. And yet the commentary of Jesus is he endured the cross, but he rejected the shame. We don’t have to be defined by the poor choices of other people. And finally in Isaiah 53, we read it a moment ago, «He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not».
One last thought and we will pray. In our nation right now there is an epidemic not of rejection but of being a victim. And there are many things that contribute to that, most of them ungodly. But the victim mentality feeds off the idea that there’s a uniqueness to your suffering. That I have been unjustly targeted, that I’ve been treated inappropriately. And I’m gonna hold that because it becomes the fuel to a better future for myself. It is a very destructive attitude to hold.
Life is not fair. We will endure things from our family systems, from the cultures in which we live, from the world in which we live because we live in a world that’s still engaged in a tremendous spiritual conflict between good and evil. And I would encourage you not to choose the role of a victim. Why would we not choose the role of a triumphant Child of a King? So, for a conclusion to this session, we’ve started the journey, we’ll complete it together. But I brought you a prayer that addresses the fundamentals of these. It’s a great prayer, you could begin to pray it daily.
In fact, if any of this touches a chord with you, I’d begin to pray it morning, noon, and night. We’ll come back to it, but let’s staying together. Rejection didn’t stop David from becoming a remarkable king, or Moses from becoming a remarkable leader, or Samuel from a remarkable future, or Jesus from completing his assignment as the redeemer of all humanity. And it doesn’t have the power to keep you from becoming what God created you to be. Hallelujah, let’s pray together.
Heavenly Father, I thank you that you love me, that you gave Jesus to die on my behalf, that he bore my sin, that he took my rejection, that he paid my penalty, because I come to you through him. I am not rejected, I am not unwanted, I am not excluded. You really love me. I am really your child. You are really my Father. I belong in your family. I belong to the best family in the universe. Heaven is my home, amen.