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Watch 2022-2023 online sermons » Adrian Rogers » Adrian Rogers - The Key to a Magnificent Marriage

Adrian Rogers - The Key to a Magnificent Marriage

Adrian Rogers - The Key to a Magnificent Marriage
TOPICS: A Perfect 10 For Homes That Win, Marriage

Exodus chapter 20 and verse 14 says something clearly with no stutter, no stammer, no apology, no compromise, no equivocation. Clearly and plainly God says in His Word, "Thou shalt not commit adultery". I want to speak to you today on this subject, "The Key to A Magnificent Marriage". I heard about an old couple, they'd been married for many, many years: 50 years. They were sitting by the fireside. He looked over to her and had a romantic thought. And he said to her, "After 50 years, I have found you tried and true". Her hearing wasn't very good. She said, "Aye". He said, "After 50 years, I've found you tried and true"! She said, "After 50 years I'm tired of you too"!

Now, I want to show you how to have 50 years and more, by the grace of God that will be magnificent and wonderful. God wants our marriage to be magnificent. And the key to a magnificent marriage is found right here. Now generations come and generations go, but the Ten Commandments stand. They don't need to be amended or revised. And in the truest sense of the word we are broken on them if we try to break them. Now the Commandments, and this one is not given to be painful or onerous or to bind us in, but really to liberate us, to set us free. The Bible says in First John 5:3, "His Commandments are not grievous". These are laws, God's laws, for liberty.

When God says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery". But here's what we need to do. We need to take the law and put it in our hearts, because if the law of God is only on the outside it will be a rule, a regulation, a restraint. But if it's on the inside; if the righteousness of the law is fulfilled in us, then what liberty, what release there is there. An ancient emperor built what we call today the Great Wall of China, and he built that wall to keep the enemy from the north from invading. And it was so high and so great and so wide that chariots could ride across the top of that wall. But you know that wall did not keep the enemy out. And do you know why? All the enemy did was to bribe a gate keeper.

And so in spite of the wall, there was an enemy on the inside that let the enemy on the outside in. And so, the gatekeeper must be in your heart, in your life. The walls of restraint and the laws of God's Word do no good unless the gatekeeper is on the inside. Now this seventh Commandment deals with all immorality and what it says in a nutshell is this: that sexual involvement outside marriage is a grievous sin; this means premarital sex, extramarital sex. It is a sin against almighty God. Now we're told today that the Ten Commandments and especially this one are out of date, old fashioned. There's a new morality, and in the meanwhile homes are coming apart and young people are being sucked down into swirling sewers of sin. And venereal disease is rampant.

We better go back to God's Word. Acts 15 verse 29, "Abstain from fornication". First Corinthians 10 verse 8, "Neither let us commit fornication". Colossians 3 verse 5, "Mortify therefore your members which are upon the Earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry". First Thessalonians 4 verse 3, "For this is the will of God even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication". Now the word fornication means any sexual immorality, before or after marriage. And if you are sexually active before marriage, you're breaking the command that says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery".

You say, "Well I'm not married". If you are sexually active before marriage, you are sinning against the person you will marry. And you're building obstacles and barriers that you will have to overcome after you get married. So many of us who have children and grandchildren are wondering, "Who will our children marry? Will there be a person sexually clean and pure? Will there be a person that our children can marry? How are our children going to find the right person"? Well we must teach them to be the right person, because if they are the right person they will have such a greater potentiality for finding the right person.

Aldus Huxley wrote a book that you're probably familiar with, Brave New World. And here's what he said that our day would be like. He said, "In a few years, no doubt, marriage licenses will be sold like dog licenses; good for a period of 12 months with no law against changing dogs or keeping more than one animal at a time". We're almost there. We're almost there. I want you to imagine a mountain, and down at the bottom of that mountain is a beautiful valley. There's a winding road that comes down the mountain side, and on that road there are steep cliffs and sharp precipices. And there are obstacles on the road and few if any guard rails. At the top, there's a line of automobiles and they're starting down that road.

Two people are in that automobile, and they're heading toward the happy valley. And along the way they pick up passengers, but all along that road there are wrecks and these automobiles are careening over the precipices or running into obstacles and the people who are in these automobiles are being broken and maimed and passengers that they've picked up along the way are being broken and crushed. When they start out to the happy valley, they think it's going to be wonderful. But along the way something happens. It's an illustration, a picture of marriage in America today. And what should we do? What should we do? Well number one, we need to have compassion on those whose automobile has been wrecked. We need to have a heart full of love and compassion and say our hearts are open, and our church is open.

Our arms are open. The Word of God is open. The love of God is there. And God is a God who forgives and restores, and He does not hold grudges. We need to teach that, because there are a lot of broken people and they don't need somebody pointing a finger in their face. They need somebody who'll get down alongside of them and bind them up and help the bruised and the broken. Because, friend, there are plenty of them in America today. And if anybody thinks that this message is a message to point out blame at somebody or to put somebody further down, you are dead wrong. Tell you something else we need to do though: we need to be building some barricades, some safety rails. We need to be removing some of the obstacles that are causing some of these disastrous wrecks; don't we? I mean it's dangerous for kids today to live in America because everything is against marriage it seems.

As I have said before the devil has leveled all of the artillery of Hell against our homes. We need to be removing obstacles and building guard rails. But you know I think the main thing we need to do is to teach the driver's how to drive. Teach the drivers how to drive; to give them some instruction; to give them some help. And very frankly that's what we're trying to do in this series on, "A Perfect 10 for Homes That Win". We're trying to help young people. Did you know that young people who are getting married today, they don't get a lot of help? Did you know, speaking of driving, that it's easier to get a marriage license than a driver's license? Think about it. It is absolutely easier to get a marriage license than a driver's license. It's easier to get married. All you have to do is have some notary public or somebody say a few words over you and they say, "You're married".

Put down your money. Get the license. Ipso facto. You're married. And yet in order to get a driver's license you have to know something. Now what we have today in America is a vicious cycle. Broken homes produce broken people that have more broken homes that produce more broken people that produce more broken homes. Now that's not an irreversible cycle. What we need to do is to break that cycle. What we need to do is to teach young people today how to have a godly marriage, how to get from the mountain top to the valley below. Now you may be happily married, but the message still applies to you. You may be unmarried, but the message today still applies to you. Why? Because we have a responsibility before God whether or not we're married or happily married to help other people. It is a ministry. We must be a part of a team to help young people today prepare for marriage and to help those who are married to arrive safely.

Now here are three things I want to point out to you. Number one, we've got to teach our young people God's plan for a magnificent marriage. Now, look if you will in Genesis chapter 2. You're in Exodus, just turn left to Genesis chapter 2 if you will please for a moment. And in Genesis chapter 2, we're going to read a few verses of Scripture to you. And in these few verses of Scripture every problem that marriage will ever face is alluded to here and the answer to every problem.

Genesis 2 verses 21 through 24; it tells about the first marriage in the Garden of Eden. It tells about God's plan for the home and for a magnificent marriage. And it says this, "And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept. And He," that is God, "took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.'" Now notice the therefore in verse 24. And we've alluded to this many times in our preaching, so hopefully you have it underlined. If you don't, underline it right now.

Genesis 2 verse 24, "Therefore," listen to it. Here's all of marriage in one verse. Here it is distilled down into a pure essence. Everything is included in this one verse. Look at it, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". Any advice that you can give would simply be an enlargement, an extrapolation of that one verse. That one verse speaks of the priority of marriage. Now notice what it says, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother".

Now what is that saying? It is saying that marriage has the highest priority. The highest priority of human relationships is not parent to child or child to parent, but mate to mate; and therefore we as parents must be preparing our children to leave us. We must be coming to a place where, as the eagle stirs her nest to get rid of those little eagles in the nest, we've got to be preparing to stir the nest to get rid of those children so they can go out and have a home of their own.

Now the little eagle doesn't want to leave the nest. It's so comfortable in the nest and the mother eagle comes with little bits of fish or big fat juicy worms to feed that little eaglet there in the nest. But there comes a time when that eagle must fly and get out of the nest. And many moms and dads don't want to have the empty nest, so they keep the nest feathered and they make it easy for the little baby eagle and never really teach that baby eagle how to fly. What a mistake! You know what we say when we overly pamper our children and take care of them beyond the time when they are to be out of the nest? We say, "Well I want them to have the things that I never had. I want to be able to give to my children things my parents never gave to me".

Well I wonder, are you giving your children the things your parents did give to you? You know, I was raised in a home where we didn't have a lot of extra things. And I was born in the depression and grew up in the latter years of that depression. We didn't have money to spend on things that kids spend on today. I never knew what it was to, quote, eat out or those kind of things. We never even thought about that. That was ridiculous. We were having enough trouble eating in. But you know what we used to do sometime when my dad didn't have work to do? We'd go over to Singer Island and we kids would seine for minnows for my dad to fish with. We'd build a bonfire there on the beach and mama'd bring two or three cans of Van Camps Pork and Beans and we'd get some lard.

I know it wasn't very healthy, but we'd get some Crisco to fry the fish in and catch those fish. Hey folks, those are my best memories; things that we did because we didn't have money to do anything else. Those were the times when, because we didn't have things, we were forced together as a family. The question is; are you giving them not the things that your parents didn't give you; are you giving them the things that your parents did give you? That togetherness and, there is a priority of marriage. And this is what the Bible teaches. Parents are not our supreme commitment. Children are not our supreme commitment. Now not only is there the priority of marriage taught in this verse, there's the permanence of marriage.

The Bible says in Genesis 2:24, "He shall cleave unto his wife". The Hebrew has the idea of welding or gluing. It's not people who put themselves together, it's God that puts them together. Mark 10 verse 9 says, "What therefore God hath joined together, what God hath joined together, let not man put asunder". Marriage is permanent. Marriage is till death do us part. Show me two kids who consider divorce as an option, and I'll show you two young people who have a greatly increased potentiality for a break up of their marriage.

You say, "Well we got divorced because we had problems". I have news for you. People who stay married and people who get divorced have basically the same kind of problems. The difference is not in the problems they have, the difference is in commitment. I mean everybody has problems in their marriage. You have to watch a man who says he understands women. He'll lie about other things. And it's a mine field. You've got to be careful. One woman, her husband walked in. She was in tears and she said, "I believe this is the worst meal I have ever cooked". He said, "Oh no it isn't". It's dangerous being married. But just get rid of the idea of divorce. Just take your scissors and cut that word out of your dictionary. I mean divorce is the only game in which both players lose. Everybody is a loser and a no fault divorce is a contradiction in terms. There is no such thing. Everybody has problems in their marriage.

But you have a wonderful marriage and 90% of the marriage is wonderful and 10% of the marriage is in trouble so you throw out the 90% because of the 10% that's in trouble. That's because of a lack of commitment. This verse speaks of the priority of marriage. It speaks of the permanence of marriage. It speaks of the purpose of marriage. "They two will be one flesh". Now this deals with more than simply a sexual union, though that is included. It means that they will be one flesh physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Two become one. Marriage is a romance, and in the first chapter both the hero and the heroin die. And then they become one new person.

Did you know that the poll results are in? And all of these people have been telling us we need to be liberated. Here's what the polls say, "The best physical and sexual relationships as well as emotional stability comes to those who wait upon God and keep themselves pure for marriage". The Family Research Council, a pro-family lobbying group based in Washington, D.C., found that people most likely to report that they are very satisfied with their current sex life are married people who strongly believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong. And then this poll went on to show that sexually happy people also tend to go to church. The poll found that two-thirds of responders, who attend church weekly, are very satisfied with their sex lives, compared to barely half of those who never attend a church.

It's an amazing thing. When all fails just go back and read the directions. Marriage is for more than the propagation of the race. It's for mutual love and comfort and joy. You see, look, God loves you. I've said this over and over in this series. When God says, "Thou shalt not," He's just saying, "Don't hurt yourself". When God says, "Thou shalt," He's saying, "Help yourself to happiness". You are not smarter than God. God loves you, and when God says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," He's not trying to keep you from sex. He is trying to keep sex for you. It is a wonderful gift of God. Hebrews 13:4, "Marriage is honorable, and the bed undefiled but adulterers and whoremongers God will judge".

So what do we have to do? First of all, if we get these kids down from the mountain top to the happy valley, we have to show them God's plan for the home, for a magnificent marriage. And God's plan is very, very simply: the priority of marriage, the permanence of marriage, the purpose of marriage; that they become one flesh and achieve that happiness, that satisfaction, that joy, that fulfillment that God has intended in spite of all of the difficulties along the way. Now the second thing we need to do is not only teach them, but we need to warn them, we need to warn them. And this message today, and I have prayed over it, is going to be very solemn and very stern. Because there's no equivocation here when God says, "Thou shalt not commit adultery". To adulterate means to make impure. And when you adulterate marriage you have made impure something that God values so highly and so wonderfully.

Let me tell you why adultery is a sin. First of all, it's a sin against one's own self. Do you know what the Bible says? It's an interesting verse and I hope you'll jot these verses down. First Corinthians chapter 6 verse 18. The Bible says, "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body," that is, outside of his body, "but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body". There is no sin that will do you more personal damage, spiritually, mentally, and physically than immorality. And we could talk about that from a psychological point of view. We could talk about it from a spiritual point of view. We could talk about it from a physical point of view.

Lord Byron was handsome, witty, charming. He was a playboy poet in England. He died with venereal disease at an early age. This is what he said, "My days are in the yellow leaf. The flower and the fruits of life are gone. The worm, the canker, and the grief are mine alone". He had it all but he lost it all through immorality. We hear young people today talking about safe sex. Sex is not supposed to be dangerous. You're not supposed to have to even be talking about safe sex. It is sacred sex. Immorality is a sin against the self. A man sins against his own body. It's a sin against the home. And here is one of the most heinous things about adultery: it sins against the home and against the children in that home. The lives of children, innocent children, are being torn apart every year in America.

I want to quote what Kent Hughes said and listen to this, "The man who commits adultery tells his child, 'Your mother is not worth much and your father is a liar and a cheat. Furthermore, honor is not nearly as important as pleasure. In fact my child, my own satisfaction is more important than you are.'" That's pretty stiff isn't it? But listen to it. "The man who commits adultery tells his child, 'Your mother is not worth much and your father is a liar and a cheat. Furthermore, honor is not nearly as important as pleasure. In fact my child, my own satisfaction is more important than you are.'" It's a sin against the, the home, but adultery is also a sin against the church.

Now, none of us live to ourselves and none of us die unto ourselves. And the Bible teaches in First Corinthians 3 verse 17 that, "We are the temple of God". And then the Bible says, "If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy which temple ye are". You say, "Pastor Rogers, my personal sex life is none of your business". Well if you're a member of this church, it's some of my business. And mine is some of your business, because we're in it together. We're members one of another. We're members of the same body. And when a member of a church lives in sexual immorality, he sins against the holy body of Christ. He takes the members of Christ and makes them members of a harlot.

The Bible says, "How should this happen". God forbid. It's a sin against oneself. It's a sin against one's home. It's a sin against one's church. It's a sin against one's nation. I wonder how long the wrath of a holy God will be stayed against America. Gibbon, who wrote, The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire said this, "Sin," the sin of immorality, "was the number one thing that brought that empire crashing down". Historians tell us it was the sin that destroyed Greece. It was the sin that destroyed Rome. It was the sin that destroyed Egypt. It was the sin that destroyed Babylon. And I believe it may well be the sin that will destroy America. And even now the raging waters of God's wrath are furiously pounding against the dam of His mercy. And one day that dam of mercy will give way to the waters of God's wrath.

The Bible says in Proverbs 14 and verse 34, "Righteousness exalteth a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people". Deuteronomy 22 verse 22 speaks to the Jews living under a theocracy and it says this, "If a man be found lying with a woman married to a husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman, so shalt thou put away evil from Israel". Now we don't live under a theocracy any more, but under a theocracy when God was the King. God said, "Put away this evil from our land, so that our land can survive".

The enemy of the home is the enemy of society and people who treat sex lightly will treat other people lightly and the society comes down. But here's the bottom line: adultery, yes it's a sin against the body, yes. Yes it's a sin against the home, yes. Yes it's a sin against the church, indeed. Yes, it is a sin against the nation. But listen to me ladies and gentlemen; adultery is a sin against almighty God. It is God, it is God, Almighty God who has said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery". And when King David committed adultery, he was wise enough to pray in Psalm 51 verse 4, "Against Thee and Thee only have I sinned and done this evil in Thy sight". It is God who said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery".

Proverbs 6 verse 32 says, "But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding; he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul". Why? Why does he destroy his own soul? Because he sins against Almighty God. These are holy laws. The Ten Commandments are not advice. They are law, and law without penalty is only advice. Now don't get the idea that a pure life is just an option that you might choose as a Christian. If you're not living a life of sexual purity, you have no right to call yourself a Christian. First Corinthians 6 verse 9, "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind".

Ephesians 5 verse 5, "For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, not covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of God and of Christ". Revelation 21 verse 8, "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death". No matter how you glamorize it, God says, "It is sin. It is a sin against Me. I'm a holy God. My children do not live that way". You say, "Well, I'm a member of the church and I'm living that way and nothing has happened to me".

Well, Hebrews 12:8 says, "If you be without chastisement whereof all are partakers then are ye illegitimate and not sons". God said, "If you were My son, I would have chastised you". But Romans 2:5 says, "But after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath". You're just treasuring it up. Now, we need to teach our children, and we need to warn our children. Let them know. This is clear. It is plain. And it's for their welfare. The third thing we need to do is to show our children. We need to model this before our children. Now, it's difficult. Let me give you some words very quickly in the few moments that I have that begin with the letter "D" that will help you to get your marriage back on track if it's off track, to keep it on track if it's on track.

Number one: the first one is decision, decide for Christ. Give your heart to the Lord Jesus Christ. If you have failed, if you have sinned, bring it to Him. Isaiah 1:18, "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow. Though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool". He will forgive, and He will not hold grudges. Every stain, every blot, every blur, every blemish, He will bury in the grave of God's forgetfulness. Come to Jesus, and I promise you on the authority of the Word of God He will cleanse.

The second "D" is the word dependence. Not only decide for Christ, but depend on Christ. Let His life in you energize you and give you power. He doesn't merely forgive you and then say now do better. He comes to live in you, to energize you, to give you power day by day.

Number three, devotion. Begin to pour out your love to Christ and to your family. Love God and love your mate with a supernatural love. When a man comes to me and says, "I'm going to divorce my wife because I don't love her anymore," he gets no sympathy from me because love is a decision. God has commanded us to love. Anybody can love who chooses to love. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands love your wives". That's not a suggestion; that also is a command. Don't come around here with this idea, "Well you know I've just fallen out of love and therefore I can't do it anymore". No friend, decide to love and then have this devotion, a love for God and a love for your family.

Now here's the next "D," development. Let your love continue to grow. Learn this about what love is. Love is not like diamond; some precious, beautiful gem that we stumble upon, we find, we acquire, we keep it to treasure forever. No that's a static thing. Love is not like a diamond. Love is like a flower. It must be cultivated. It must be cared for. It must be nurtured so it can grow and grow and grow. If you don't love your wife more than you did when you got married, I believe that you love her less. It'll never be static. Begin to develop that love and feed that love. I ask young couples when I marry them: will you continue to feed that love from day to day and from week to week, and from year to year from the very best resources of your living? Men, let me just tell you something just very, very, very simple. Don't flirt with other women. Don't! I mean good-naturedly in the office, don't flirt. Never flirt with another woman! Never stop flirting with your wife. Just flirt with her all the time. Wink at her. Hug her. Do those little nice things. Keep the honey in the honeymoon. Development.

Here's the next "D," discipline. Guard your company. The Bible says in Proverbs 13 verse 20, "A companion of fools will be destroyed". Friends that are urging you to sin are not friends. Watch what you set in front of your eyes. You sit there going through the channels; there are things that are going to come up on that screen; don't watch those things! Don't abide with those things. You wouldn't put garbage in your mouth. Why put garbage in your brain? Garbage in, garbage out. Don't say it won't affect you.

Proverbs 6 verse 27 says, "Can a man take a fire unto bosom and be not burned"? Watch what you watch. I've told you before when I was in college, just like any other college boy with raging hormones. I had on my desk this motto, "He who would not fall down ought not to walk in slippery places". Watch what you do. The Bible says in First Corinthians 6:18, "Flee fornication". And there must be a discipline. And then last of all, with that discipline there must be a determination. I mean make up your mind. Make up your mind!

I don't have to make up my mind every time I go out of town whether I'm going to be true to Joyce. I don't have to make up my mind every time I turn on television whether I'm going to watch filth or not. I don't have to make up my mind every time I pass a newsstand whether I'm going to buy something raunchy or not. Why? I have already made up my mind. I'm not saying that I'm arrogant about it. I'm just simply saying my heart is fixed, oh Lord, trusting in Thee. I have decided to follow Jesus. Ladies and gentlemen make one big decision. It'll help you with a whole lot of other smaller decisions. You won't have to keep on saying this or that. Just have that deep determination in your heart. "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15.

Now our time is gone. But here's what I want you to remember. Number one, God's plan is purity for marriage. Number two, if you've failed, God is a God of forgiveness. He's the God of a second chance, and a third chance, and a fourth chance. And we ought to be people, just like our God, to forgive one another. Remember the woman taken in adultery in John chapter 8 verses 10 and 11? "Where are thine accusers woman? Doth no man condemn thee? Nor do I. Go and sin no more".

If you have a broken heart, or if you have a broken home, bring it to Jesus. He can put it back together if you'll give Him all the pieces. The first miracle that our Lord performed was at a wedding when He turned water into wine. I want to tell you this that God is still performing miracles. And when you get right down to it, every magnificent marriage is a miracle marriage because it is a union of a man, a woman, and God. It won't always be easy, but it's always worth it. Bow your heads in prayer.

Father God, I pray that you will seal the message to our hearts today. Lord, how I pray that many will come to Christ. And I pray, Lord, that many who have known Christ and know Him, who've been walking far off will come back to Him. Lord, that You will protect the homes that are already being built. And Father God that You will bless the homes that will be built.

Now, if you're not certain that you're saved, would you like to be saved, would you? Would you like to know that you really do have life? Jesus said, "I've come that you might have life". Could I lead you in a prayer? We'll call this prayer the sinner's prayer. And you can pray and accept Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. You can do it right now. Would you pray this prayer?

Dear God, I know that You love me. Thank You for loving me. And I know that You want to save me. Jesus, You died to save me and You promised to save me if I would trust You. Jesus, I do trust You. I believe You're the Son of God. I believe you paid for my sin with Your blood on the cross. I believe that God raised You from the dead. And now I receive You as my Lord and Savior. Forgive my sin. Cleanse me. Come into my life. Take control of my life and begin today to make me the person You want me to be. And Jesus, give me the courage to make it public. Help me never to be ashamed of You. In Your name I pray, Amen.

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