Jack Graham - A Word to Wives
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There is no person that God cannot save! There is no promise that God will not keep! There is nothing that our God cannot do! Well, this is our marriage and family series called THE WAY HOME. So far, we've talked about foundations for the family way back in the Garden, back to the Garden and what happened when God created the man and the woman. And then we talked about love because love really says it all: "All You Need is Love", and 1 Corinthians 13 was our passage and we talked about what real love is and what real love does. And then last week was "A Man and His Marriage", and we began talking about the relationship that we have in marriage between husbands and wives. And we talked about the responsibility of men and the privilege of men to love our wives as Christ has loved the Church and gave Himself for us.
So it begins in this romance of marriage with a loving husband who is committed unconditionally with love towards his wife and he shows it. The title of this message is "A Word to Wives". I didn't say a word to the wise, those these are wise words, because they're God's words, not my opinion or preference or prerogative, but as your pastor it's my responsibility to bring you God's Word. So what does God say to wives? What's the message regarding this relationship? Now we already know according to 1 Peter chapter 3 that we as husbands and wives are joint heirs of the grace, the life of God. There is total equality in Christ between a man and a woman. And having said that, a man is then to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and the wife is given specific biblical instructions as to how she is to live and respond in this marriage to the loving guidance and leadership of her husband.
It's found in 1 Peter 3:1-6, "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word". That is, you may be married to a man who is not a Christian, or a man who does not obey the Word of God, a carnal, childish believer. "If some do not obey the word, they may be won", that is, brought to Christ, "without a word, by the conduct", the behavior, "of their wives". How? "When they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear", well, ladies, younger and older, "let your adorning be the hidden person of your heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God".
And that's the goal, both guys and gals today, that we would be holy as God is holy. Holy men and women. Women of God, men of God that you would be holy. "How the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah", christian wives, you're in the sisterhood of Sarah, "who obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening". You know what a submissive attitude and spirit does for all of us? It gives us character and confidence that we do not fear anything around us. On top of that is Colossians 3:18 which says: "Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord". Ephesians 5:33: "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that see respects her husband".
So interchangeable the word submit or respect your husband is given. Let's talk about what all that means. First, with the thought of the perfect model of submission. Submission is in the DNA of the Christian. Why? Because Jesus came in humility and submission to the will and the work of the Father. In Philippians chapter 2: "He laid aside His dignity and the Godhead and came to earth, and in His manhood, He gave Himself to do the will of the Father". The fact is, Jesus submitted to His heavenly Father. But He also submitted to His earthly father and mother, His parents. We're told in Luke chapter 2 and verse 51: "And He went down with them", Jesus, "as a young man and came to Nazareth and was submissive". Imagine that! The Son of God submissive to Joseph, submissive to Mary, and His mother "treasured all these things in her heart".
That is, she remembered it. Just before the cross, when Jesus was giving His life on the cross to die for our sins, He was in the upper room with His disciples and in the moment, He took off His outer clothing, His cloak and took up a towel and a wash basin and He washed the feet of His disciples. Some of you have seen a foot-washing. That's an act of humility and submission, isn't it? And this is what Jesus did. And it says in John chapter 13 that "knowing that all things have been given unto His hands". In other words, everything was His; everything belonged to Him. Jesus had it all; He owned it all and operates it all because He is God. So I give you that to show you, ladies and men, that submission is in our DNA because it is in Christ and we are in Christ. It is humility and respect.
The principle meaning of submission is next. What does it mean? It means that we show respect and honor. The Bible says "Give honor to whom honor is due". And wives, you are to give yourself to love your husband and to respect him and honor him. To submit is to respect in humility; it is to honor; it is to elevate; it is to love; it is to serve; it is to be a helper. And you say, "Well that sounds subservient; that sounds inferior". Not at all, to say that the woman is made to be the helper of the man. The Bible says that "God is my help". God Himself takes the word helper unto Himself. So yes, it is God-like; it is Christ-like to live in honor and humility towards others. The opposite, of course, is to be rebellious and recalcitrant and resentful and dishonorable and bitter and angry.
And we live in a world of self-indulgence and personal fulfillment, and when you talk about submission in this context, people look at you like you live in the dinosaur era and it's a cause for conflict in the culture today. And a lot of wives get all nervous when we come to this service or this subject rather. Because, frankly, so many have been listening to the world instead of the Word of God. And you don't have to listen to me, but if you're a Christian, you are to obey the Word of God. The proverb says "Only by pride comes contention". Pride creates contention. And so with pride, with a big I, shows up in our marriages and our homes, then the infighting begins. The fighting begins. And frankly, young ladies today, you're growing up in an era where we're hearing more and more that every man is toxic and every man is an oppressor, and you are the oppressed. The oppressor and the oppressed.
And no wonder so many young women are confused about men and what a man is to be and what she is to be in relationship to a man. If you view every man as toxic and oppressive then you're never going to live in a loving relationship with someone else. And that's why frankly many women are turning to other things rather than to a man, a godly man who could love them and show them the love of Christ. So submission, the "s" word is not a dirty word; it's the way of the Master; it's the way of the Lord. And the picture of submission is "as unto the Lord". I just want to say this is not all that complicated. Even a man could understand it, what this means, "as fitting unto the Lord". Your commitment is to the Lord. Your heart is for God. And, therefore, you want to obey God even, and especially in your relationship with your husband, with your children, "as fitting to the Lord".
That's the phrase in Colossians 3 that we read earlier, "as fitting to the Lord". Now does submission mean that you as a wife are to obey all the commands and the demands of your husband, even if the command and the demand of your husband violates God's Word? Absolutely not! In fact, in Ephesian or rather in Acts chapter 5, we're told that "we must obey God and not man". Your first responsibility and accountability is to obey God. And if your husband asked you or demands of you that you do something immoral or that you do something illegal, you have no biblical law that would require you, obligate you to do what your husband said. Not one. And never, ever allow a man to lead you into sin! That goes for unmarried women and girls as well as married women. Never allow a man to lead you into sin. You should not submit to that godlessness ever.
So it's important that you love your husband, respect him and honor him and follow his leadership even as Sarah. It gives the illustration here of Sarah and Abraham. So all the sisters of Sarah here today, when Abraham came in one day and said, "I've been out talking to God, looking at the stars, and God told me, Sarah, that we're to pick up here in Ur of the Chaldees and we are to leave this place. We're moving, Sarah". And Sarah says, "Well, where are we going"? And Abraham says, "I don't have a clue. I don't know where we're going". Says, "We're moving but we don't know". "Yeah, I just told God that I would believe Him and follow Him". Said, "You don't know where we're going or what we're going to do? We're just picking up; we leaving; we're going"? "That's right".
Now I don't know what entailed that whole conversation, but after the discussion, Sarah went with her husband. And Abram and Sarah were blessed in their marriage with a son and a child and a birth of a nation. It's very important that if God is leading your husband, if you have a husband who's listening to the Lord, then you follow your husband. Sometimes there's a tipped ball and you don't know where it's going; sometimes there's a tie-breaker, let your husband break the tie. Most of the time it never comes to that because if you have a close marriage and a loving relationship and discuss these things, I've always done that. There very rarely should be those times where you know, somebody, the husband or somebody else has to break the tie. No, you get there together.
But if there is, I remember when Deb and I, we were just newly married. We had an 18-month- old son and we weren't even finished with seminary yet but I was called to be the pastor of a church in southwestern Oklahoma, a little town called Hobart about 4 or 5000 people. And I felt the Lord leading us to go and do that. We were settled in Ft. Worth, again, a small child, and we went to Hobart. I was still going back and forth to seminary. So I would preach on Sundays and Sunday nights, and leave on Monday and stay all week, and left Deb, my brand-new wife and little baby in Hobart, Oklahoma in a small town, teaching junior high kids. That was punishment enough. And you know, I look back on those times and that's why I love my wife so much. I never heard her complain about that. Never heard her whine or cry about that.
You know, she had every right probably to be upset in some ways. But she loved me enough to trust me in the decision we were making. And that's the decision that many, many, many, many of you have made through the years. You've let your husband make the call even when maybe you didn't think it was the best decision. But you love your husband enough to respect him and to honor him. And let me just say that men really are little boys at heart. And what men need the most is respect, because we tend to think I'm never enough, I can't get it done, I can't make enough money, I'm not going to be successful, I'm not this, I'm not that, and that's why men need to know that they're respected and honored. Many men, unfortunately, will not lead, and that's a problem. It's a problem when a man is so weak, he'll not lead his family, spiritually or otherwise. That's a problem.
So what are you to do as a wife? With your conduct, with your behavior, that's what Peter says, with your conviction in Christ with the conduct that you have. Don't berate him, don't push him, don't beat him with your Bible, but with your life and your lifestyle show him the love of Jesus Christ and this can propel him forward. This is what God does in a woman's heart, when we yield to Him. Men, God holds us accountable to lead our families, and if you're not leading, you're putting your wife's life really in jeopardy. If your husband is passive, pray for him. Wait on God, help him, but don't dominate him. Don't try to control him; don't usurp your husband's authority in your home, especially in front of your children. Hang on to God's promises, like Sarah; trust Him. It's not your job to change your husband; it's your job to love your husband and to give your life to him.
Respect him because every man needs it; be affirming and be encouraging because every man needs a cheerleader; every man needs an encourager. There are many, many men in this room, including this one right here who kept going in their lives, their careers, their calling because their wives have prayed them through and prayed them on, and encouraged them. My wife's words matter to me more than anyone on earth. So when we talk about submission, and when it talks about a gentle and quiet spirit here, that doesn't mean you go stand in the corner and wait for somebody to tell you what to do. No, it's the gentle and quiet spirit of Christ Himself. But it is in that gentle and quiet spirit that your husband sees your faith and your devotion to God.
So one final thing, there's the principle meaning of submission, there's a perfect model of submission and then there is the precious, what I'm going to call, mentality or mindset of submission. Back to 1 Peter chapter 3, verses 3 and 4, it says: "Do not let your adorning (that is, your outer exterior, clothing) be external, the braiding of your hair, the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit". How many of you men and women know that father time is undefeated. And there is a beauty on the outside that perishes. That's why somebody, some guy put it, "You know, beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone". But so does beauty go clean to the bone.
And that's what he's talking about here. He's not saying don't wear gold or don't braid your hair, or don't wear clothes. That's not what he's saying. But he's saying let your adornment, let your exterior appearance be pure and modest. Ephesians 5:3 says, "But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among the saints". And that is translated otherwise in other versions that little phrase "must not even named among you" to be translated "there should not be a hint, not a little hint, not a little bit of immorality or immodesty about you". And so we always are asking: The choices that I am making; is there a hint, just a little bit of impurity or immodesty or irreverence. No, not a hint. That includes our demeaner.
And ladies, I'm going to tell you frankly, includes your dress; includes the way you look. If you're dressing in tight-fitting, skin-showing, stylish, sexy, hot clothing, that's a hint to somebody! If you wear provocative clothing to knock somebody's eyes out, then that's a 1 Corinthians 8, "to cause a weaker brother to stumble". So I'm here to tell you, young ladies, and older ladies alike, dress modestly. That's what this is about. It's about your appearance and your adornment that is one of purity and holiness and godliness. Concentrate on your inner beauty. Yeah, look great, look nice, take care of yourself. All of that is true. This is not a condemnation of doing the best you can with what you've got. Men and women. But it is saying to women, if you last in love, if you want to last in life, if you want something precious in your life, then adorn yourself in a way that honors God. Cultivate the beauty of Jesus in your life. That's what lasts.
And as a word to young women as well, Titus 2:4-5 says this, "and so train the young women to love their husbands and children (This is the responsibility of the church, responsibility of older women specifically) to train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home". It doesn't mean you can't work outside the home, but it does mean your home is your priority. Your husband and your children first. Means you're going to need extra strength if you work outside the home, you're going to need extra strength to do what you are called to do first, and that's to be the woman of God in your home, "To be kind, and submissive to their own husbands (what?), that the word of God may not be reviled".
So if your husband and your children need to Lord, the way to win them is not to lecture them, but to love them; not to nag them, but to nourish them; not to push him, but to pray for him. And I believe for most men, the most influential person in their lives is their wives. If their wives are godly wives. And God will give you, ladies, the wisdom you need and the strength you need to be that kind of woman. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you, ask the Helper to help you to help him, not as his competition, but his completer. Because, remember, the goal in marriage is oneness. The two should become one. If you're married, you are one. You can't un-one "what God has joined together, let not man separate". You can't un-one a marriage. So men and women, let's love together, serve together; let's submit our lives to Christ and to one another, and our marriage will be strong for our kids, and our kid's kids in the life that is yet to come. And ladies, you do what God tells you to do, and some day when you're gone, your children and your husband will rise up to call you blessed. And more importantly, so will God. Amen?