TD Jakes - Real Men Pour In
Jesus does not discuss how the Father made him rich or famous. He talked about how the Father loved him. When you take the father's love from the child or the father doesn't know how to give love to the child outside of the woman, the child is damaged. Are you hearing what I'm saying? Let me...wait a minute. Let me get some water here for a minute... I came to this glass to get some water, but it had none. No matter how thirsty I am, it has no water. I can't get any water poured into me because it had no water poured into it. It is hard to pour into people what was not poured into you. I got this big pitcher here. It looks good. It's nice. It's fancy. It's cute. It's fine. It's wonderful. And honestly, it's expensive... but it's empty.
Just because you dressed up don't mean you pour in, just because you got a Gucci bag don't mean you pour in, just because you got a fine watch doesn't mean you pour in. You can be fine as wine and have nothing to pour in and pretty soon we're gonna get tired of you being cute. You cute, but you empty, sir. Men pour... Both the glass and the pitcher are empty. And I can't get my thirst quenched from an empty glass and the glass can't give me water because the thing that was designed to pour into it was also empty. Let me tell you why you're dry. The thing that was designed to pour into you, it's empty. So Jesus says, move in real close on me, Jamel. Jesus says, "As the Father have loved me... so have I loved you". I can't pour into you until something is poured.
So what do I do when the person that should have been full is empty or left or died and my thirst have never been fulfilled because they were empty? Have you noticed in the text that when Jesus talks about fatherhood he doesn't mention Joseph? Joseph is his earthly father. He is in the beginning of the story of Jesus. He disappears early in the story. We don't see Joseph pass Jesus turning 12. There are debates about what happened to him, but he is absent. Jesus cannot draw from Joseph's pour. Joseph started out pouring because he was called the carpenter's son. Somewhere, the flow broke. I wanna talk to some people in this room that somewhere, either by death, abandonment, drugs, whatever it was, the flow broke and left you thirsty. And I guarantee you, if it left you thirsty, man or woman, it also left you angry. Because I don't understand how I could have anything that looks so good and was so empty.
So, we look good to the community, we look good to everybody, but behind closed doors you ain't pouring nothing into me. And gradually, I become angry with you because your not being able to pour into me leaves me desperate and thirsty. And then, you hit me with commandments and tell me what not to drink, but you dry. How can you be dry and then tell me where not to drink? Jesus doesn't talk to us about commandments before he talks to us about love. He says, "As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you". Then he talks about, "Keep my commandments". You can't keep commandments if you can't drink. Real men pour in. My wife, it took me about ten years, maybe longer, to even understand her. I get it, bro. They're weird. They're different. They strange. They're not like us. She told me, I'd be on the road, "Oh baby, I miss you. I can't wait for you to come home".
I thought... never mind. All right. I'm sorry, I had a loose moment. I didn't get to take my medication, because I was in a hurry this morning and I had to get out of the house. But I flew home with visions. I was gonna come in the door, she was gonna rip off, you know, anyway. I came in the door, she kissed me, say, "I'm so glad you home," and went back to watching "Lifetime" murders. I went in my man cave. I thought about killing her. I thought that, no, that wouldn't be the right thing to do. That wouldn't be the right thing to do. That wouldn't be the right thing to do. It made me so mad that all she wanted me to do was be home. It took me 15 years to figure out that she didn't want my present, she wanted my presence. Don't get me wrong, she did want my present sometimes. That's how we got the kids, but she didn't want my present as much as I wanted, you know, anyway. Back to real men pour in.
Where are my fellows at? Make some noise. Fellas, maybe because we started out as bucks we think our real value is what we pull in anatomically and we have not learned the value of what we give with our presence. Just to be there, just to know you're in the house, just to hear your crazy snore, just to know that if a noise breaks out at night, you are there, just for your kids to see what it's like to live with a man. Stops your daughter from having to go find one to figure one out. Talk to me, girls. May stop your son for looking for male attention from another man. So, while we appreciate the check and your anatomical flow, until we get your emotional flow, there will always be a deficit, because Jesus doesn't start out talking about money and he doesn't start out talking about sex. When he talks about his Father, he says, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you". Real men pour in...
We had a Father's Day here several years ago and we always honored the mothers on Mother's day, we pin roses on the mothers. We decided to pin corsages on the fathers. And we gave all the people corsages to put on their fathers, but there weren't many fathers. So, this one little boy got up and walked down the aisle and came and pinned the corsage on me because he said I was his father. Now, he didn't know how to pin the corsage, so he stuck it into my chest, and I was too gracious to flinch. So, I bled in silence. And then this grown man about 38, 40 years old came down and pinned another corsage on me and said, "You're my father, too," until my whole row was covered with flowers. And what they didn't know is under the flowers, I was bleeding.
When I went upstairs and I pull all the roses off, all of my clothes had blood stains in them because being a father is bloody. It looks rosy on the outside, but it is bloody on the inside. And there are all kinds of books about women and their pain and women and their emotions and women and their careers and women today in the "Essence" magazine and all kinds of stuff. And when it comes to men's magazines, all they try to do is show you how to be more sexy, because all they think we are is firm. So, we have no context. Can I teach this morning? I'm not gonna shout to you this morning. Can I teach this morning? We have no context when we see the blood. You must understand, when the Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ has loved the church," the women are so busy fussing about submission that they didn't read the rest of the verse. "Husbands, love your wife as Christ hath loved the church".
Whoa, wait a minute, "And gave himself", men, pour in. He died. You talk about submission? You ain't gonna submit to nobody? I got the worst end of the deal. He told me to die for you. He told me to bleed within and still stand there. I wanna thank every father. I want to thank every father who stood up to the pain and secretly wiped away the blood and didn't quit and didn't run away and didn't hide and stayed, wait a minute, wait, wait, stayed emotionally available while he was personally bleeding, because the first thing we want to do with pain is internalize it. And the wall we build to protect ourselves from the pins they stick in us won't let their pain in, but won't let our emotions out and we become numb and die, though we are physically present.
So, just because you have a man in the house doesn't mean he's home. Home is when you don't lose your emotional language because of your personal pain. Home is when you understand those that you live amongst and can pour into them what they need even though you didn't get poured into you what you need. And that seems so unfair. If you look to her to fill it, you're going to be disappointed because if she admires you, she sees you as such a hero, that you make being you look easy, so she doesn't minister to you like she does her girl friends because she relates to female pain and she has no clue how much it costs you to be you. It doesn't mean she's insensitive. It means she's uninformed.
And by the time you start speaking, you are so angry that the point gets lost in the pain. So she may not always be the one who pours back into you. Go back. Your father might not have poured into you. Where is Joseph? Where is Joseph in this text? We haven't seen Joseph since the feast. Where is Joseph? Why is Mary following Jesus while he's doing miracles and we see her following him all the way to the cross and we do not see his father? His father missed his football games. His father wasn't there when he graduated. His father wasn't there when he went to the cross. His father wasn't there when he raised the dead. His father wasn't there when he walked on water. His father wasn't there, wasn't there, wasn't there, wasn't there. His mama was always running in behind him somewhere and saying, "I'm Jesus's mother. Even if I have to sit in the back, I'll still be in the room because I'm his mama".
So, what Jesus could not get from Joseph, he got from God. When you say to us what are we thinking about and we say, "Nothing," we're lying. It just means that what we're thinking about, we don't think you can handle. And so, we are silently empty... Paul told Timothy because he trusts Timothy. He said, "Come before winter". "It's cold. I don't even have a coat. I am the greatest apostle of the New Testament. I have healed and raised the dead for people who never gave me a coat. But I trust you, Timothy. Timothy, I know you love me. I just hope you get here soon enough. Come before winter because nobody knows but you that I am empty..."
As in proportion to as the Father hath loved me. Not Joseph, not Mary, as the Father has loved me, in that same capacity, I'm able to love you. You know what? This is very personal. I can love some of the craziest people. People that everybody rejected, threw away, thought they'd never be nothing. I would take the dark horse every time and I couldn't figure out why I'd do that. Even when it's dangerous, even when it's stupid, even when it looks hopeless, I go after them. But then when I read this text, I remembered why. Because I was a dark horse. And as the Father hath loved me, because I was born in a raggedy house on the side of the hill on the back side of a mountain to fighting parents and chaotic circumstances, and because it looked like I would never be nothing and he poured into me, I can still believe that he can pour into you.
I can believe, man, no matter what you did or who you did it with or how long you did it or whether you're HIV positive or whether you're strung out on drugs or whether you're having nervous or emotional problems or whether you're going through crisis, I still believe God has a plan for your life. I believe in spite of you going to jail, in spite of you being locked up in prison, in spite of you disappointing people and letting people down, God still has a plan for your life. And the only way I can love like that is because I have been loved like that. And as the Father hath loved me, I love the way he loved because that's what he poured into me and that's what I pour into you.
If you are running dry, come to this altar right now. I don't care how old or young you are. Don't you think for one minute because I'm your pastor I don't run dry. Don't you think for one minute that I don't get empty. Don't you think for one minute that I don't get tired and wanna quit. Don't you think for one minute that I don't wanna run away and hide. Don't you think for one minute that I don't ever wanna get in my car and keep driving until I run out of gas and figure it out from there. Don't you think that you are unusual or crazy or weak or phony because you run dry. It's not your fault who did or did not pour into you, but it is your fault if you don't learn how to go to God and let him pour back into you.