Steven Furtick — Do Not Reverse Your Circumcision
>> I love what Shaunti Feldhahn said in her book "For Women Only." She said she surveyed hundreds of married people and asked them "What is the one most important thing you wished your spouse understood about you but feel that he or she doesn't?" And she said the overwhelming response was "I wish she knew how much I truly love her." And if we could just go back to that, filter everything through. You did this this morning. And you might not have even known it but I was rushing to get ready, and kind of let the time get ahead of me, and rather than you go into this like "She doesn't respect my time." You were very patient. And you were like "Okay, are you ready?"
>> I just ate me a spoon of peanut butter and came on out. Let's go to the next point. I'm called to live with contentment. How huge is this in our world of constant comparisons today? Live with contentment. I mean I'm going to preach about this at least every other week for the next ten years, in some way or another. This thing of contentment. This thing about enjoying where you are on the way to where God is taking you. I'm going to preach on it because I need it. I'm going to preach about it because our world is antithetical to it. I'm going to preach about it because comparison kills contentment. And with no contentment there can be no joy. I don't care how much stuff you have. And so I'm called to live with contentment. Like that great Bible verse Philippians 4:13 where it says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And we use that verse to set goals for ourselves, you know? I can do this and I can do that. But the verse right before it He says, "I've learned the secret of being content in any situation. No matter if I have little, if I have a lot, if I'm abounding, if I'm in need. I can do all things." What? I can do all things because I'm content. So in any situation I'm called to contentment. And I guess, I'm not trying to divide men and women in this because we respond in different ways but, like when I don't feel like your content I feel that that is you saying that I'm a bad provider. And I probably shouldn't feel that way, shouldn't make it about me, but I do. And then I become miserable.
>> Yeah. It's taken me a long time to figure this out because I understand that at his core, at a man's core, is this need to provide. To provide for his wife, to provide for his family. But I always took that to mean he just wants to make sure that our bills are paid every month. But it really goes way beyond him providing financially for us every month. I mean you have this need to, yeah I mean obviously, provide for our needs every month. But then you want to provide stability for us. You want to provide for our future. But even more than that a man feels like he wants to provide happiness for his wife, and for his family. And I think for women we really struggle with this. Because it's so easy to let one thing upset us and let it just set the trajectory of our day in a terrible direction. And I think sometimes I really fight this because it feels unfair. Because whether I like it or not as a woman I am the thermostat of my home.
>> True.
>> I set the tone. I set the mood.
>> It's true.
>> And you can either... I mean it is was it is. Is that fair? No. Why can't I be in a bad mood? Why can't I just have a bad day and everybody else just not be in a bad mood too? It's just not the way that it works. And so the way that I feel is setting the tone for our whole family. And when he feels like I'm unhappy then he feels like he's failing. And I didn't even realize this. Early on in our marriage we had a conversation that was really helpful for me. I was going through a really difficult stage of life. I was knee deep in babies. We had Elijah and Graham, are two years apart. So I spent over a year where I had two children in diapers. And so I was just knee deep in diapers and mommyness. You know? Like where these little things just control everything about your life. They tell you when you wake up. They tell you when you can go to sleep. They tell you when you can take a shower. They tell you when you can eat. And after a while it was just compounding on me. And I was just feeling disappointed with motherhood. Like "This isn't what I thought it was going to be." And I was just every day. And he would come home and I was just overwhelmed with how long the day had been and you're finally here. And he sat me down one day and he was like "I just... I feel like you're not happy. And I feel like you're not happy with me." And I... this has nothing to do with you. But then I realized it does have everything to do with him. And because he's feeling like he needs to help me. How can I help you get happy? And I realized in that moment that I can change the way that I feel. I can... it's all about my perspective and what I'm looking at. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally brothers and sister whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if there's anything excellent or praiseworthy think about such things." And sometimes it just takes a few seconds to just hit the reset button and say, "Wait, wait, wait. I have two healthy kids. Well, now we have three. And I have a husband that loves me. And this is good. This is good. In this moment I'm feeling frustrated but I'm happy." And being able to communicate that to you. And just being able to say to you like, "I love our family. I love my life." And just taking a moment to express to him that I am content.
>> 'Cause I want to help the men out and say something to your woman. Most of us feel like we're failing most of the time. We don't show you that. But in at least one area, and maybe you can relate and maybe you can't, but we live by scorecards. And we feel like we're failing at everything if we're failing at anything. So if we're doing well at work we probably feel like we're cheating something that needs to happen at home. And if we're doing great at home, you know, we're making pancakes but we're broke. And we're always feel like we're failing somewhere. You have the power to give your man a win just by pointing out something that you like that he made possible for you. And if you want him to be a winner give him a win. If you want him to be a winner give him a win. But the power of this is not when you, who really do love everything that's happening in your life and your content. Men and women now. It's when you do what Paul said. He said, "In any situation, in any situation I can find something to celebrate in that situation." And you just... you do a touchdown dance you know? Even if you're not anywhere near the end zone. And it's amazing how that energy just energizes that thing of contentment. But it's hard. I think it's hard to live with contentment. I appreciate, though, that you made me feel this way every season of our life. Because God has blessed us in a lot of ways now. We pastor a church that's growing. A large church. God has blessed us in ways materially. God has blessed us with influence. But I felt like you've, aside from that one six months where you seemed very sad and I felt bad for you, I feel like on balance. Not every day but you've always made me feel when we moved into that apartment in Juniper Terrace, you made me feel like that 720 square feet was a palace. I was proud because I was able to put down the security deposit. And I felt like the man. And in that season we got furniture from Eric Phillips' dad, who's gone to be with Lord, Mr. Rob he had a mobile... he would go repossess furniture from mobile homes. That's our first furniture. That was our first bedroom. Did I get that right? That was our first... I was so proud of that furniture. 'Cause I had the hookup, I had the street smarts to find the man who repossesses the furniture from the mobile homes. Come on. That takes skills. That's OG. Come on. And we were celebrating that ugly furniture, that nasty furniture. And so contentment breeds celebration which breeds success. And if you get happy about what you have, and where you are... I'm called to live with contentment. Next one. We gotta move because I preached so long winded last week all of you are going to stop coming to church here if I make you miss football games. I am called to let God be God. Let's talk about that Holly. Let God be God. Tell them that story about the mom and the pancakes. Great story.
>> Okay. So there's this mom, you may have heard this story before, she was making pancakes for her two little boys. And they started to argue about who would get the first pancake. And so the mom said to herself, "I'm going to take this and make this a teachable moment." She looked at her boys and she said, "Boys, you know, if Jesus were here, He would want His brother to have the first pancake." And the older little boy looked at his younger brother and said, "You be Jesus."
>> Nice. Nice.
>> It's what we do in marriage you know? We don't want to focus on our own calling. We don't want to do the things that God has called us to do. We want to look at our spouses and say, "You be Jesus." You say I'm sorry. I'm not saying I'm sorry first. I'm going to wait this out. You be Jesus. But then the second part of it is "You be Jesus." So I'm not saying don't tell him to be... you, you be Jesus to your spouse. And then let God be God. And I love how Philippians 2:8 says about Jesus, "And being found in the appearance as a man he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death. Even death on a cross." So Jesus did his part. He was obedient. And then God exalted him to the highest place and gave him to the name that is above every name. When I focus on what God wants me to do then I can let God work on him. And I love... my boys always remind me of this because inevitably this happens, probably once a week.
>> Of being like Jesus?
>> No. Letting God be God. Inevitably in our house, probably about once a week, I'll say, "Boys, go clean your room." They share a room together. And, you know, they'll go upstairs, "Aww." They do the whole thing. They go upstairs and a few minutes will pass by. It will be quiet. And then inevitably you start to hear this fight brewing. And you start to hear them yelling at each other. And then the yelling gets louder. And then, in our house, Graham, who's the younger one, he starts to cry. And it's just this loud like "I'm hurt" cry. The whole drama thing. And so I go upstairs and the room is not clean, it looks exactly the same as it looked before. Graham's on the floor in a puddle of tears and drama. And he's saying, "He punched me." And I'll look at Elijah like, "What's going on?" And he'll say, "Graham wouldn't clean up."
>> You look at him like what? Say it the way you really say it.
>> "What did you do?"
>> That's halfway there.
>> And he'll say, "Graham wouldn't clean up. He wouldn't clean up." "Well Elijah, your bed is unmade, your drawers are all still open. Your towels on the floor. You've got to let me be the mom. You're not the mom. I'm the mom. You do what you need to do and let me take care of Graham if he's not going to clean up his part." And don't you feel like that's what God is looking down at us?
>> Oh my God. Preach. Preach, Sister Holly. God looks down on his children fighting and said, "Would you let me be the Father? Quit trying to straighten them out. Maybe I'd like to straighten you out. Don't make me... don't make me come downstairs. I'll straighten ya'll both out." Let God be God. We gotta go to the next one. We could talk about that all day. But let God be God. He's way better at His job than you could ever be. And some of us are engaging in things of trying to fix people and marriages that are above our pay grade, frankly. And God wants His job back. And if you be Jesus and let God be God then he'll take care of the... He's way better at fixing that person than you are. If you'd get out of the way He might do it. The very thing that you're freaking out about.
>> He can whisper in a minute the thing that it would take me months to nag you about.
>> Say it again. And everybody in the church tweeted at once. He can... say it I don't remember.
>> He can whisper in just a snap of a finger, he can whisper into my husband's ear, something that I've been nagging to him for months about. if you would just... if I would just focus on me and let God work on him. And trust that God will work on him.
>> God could do it. God wants to whisper what you've been trying to shout. If you'll shut your mouth. This is getting good. This is getting good. I'm called to encourage your strengths. We're almost home now. I am called to encourage your strengths. We need to point this out because as we've been saying our tendency is to feel that I am called to fix your weaknesses. Or expose your weaknesses. And there's times in marriage to talk about things. You know, Holly helps me with my temper. But not in the middle of my temper tantrum. As she said it's about timing. She helps me. And one of the greatest ways that she helps me is not by going straight to the C's and D's and F's on my report card but talking about the A's. We call this and I got this from a book about changing things when change is hard. And the books is called "Switch" and they talk about bright spots. And they talk about an epidemic. There was a starvation epidemic. Somebody went in to try to fix it. They couldn't fix it. Somebody else came in to try to fix it, they couldn't fix it. Somebody else came in and tried to fix it, they couldn't fix it. One person came in and tried to fix it and they began to fix it. Because everybody came in the first several times trying to fix what was wrong. They would find out the problems. Why were these people starving? Trying to fix it. Couldn't fix it systemically. But then one person had the foresight to find one family that was in the same situation with limited resources that was not starving. And find out what they were doing right and then teach that to the surrounding village. Bright spots. If you look at the bright spots... like somebody said to me the other day, "Who tells you when your sermon isn't good?" And I'm like, "God. Holy Spirit." I feel that way. You know I did a survey of preachers, I'm getting way off track and we gotta close but I did a survey of preachers, and I was telling you this, of some of the top preachers that you would know their name. And I've been asking them, "How many times do you feel like you preached great when you walk off the stage?" And the most common answer was "One out of five at best." Wow that's crazy. These are the best guys in their whole field. And they said, "One out of five at best." So somebody was asking one day, they said, "Who tells you when your sermon wasn't great?" "Well usually I don't think it was anyway so nobody has to tell me. I'm beating up on myself way more than anybody else could." And they said, "Well, I bet your wife does. I bet you she tells you." And I said "No. She's my CEO. That's stands for Chief Encouragement Officer." And you can do what you want to do. You don't have to listen to us but there's something about when I walk off that stage with her and she tells me, you know, "That was a word." That was powerful. You know she doesn't just say it. I think that would be one thing. But she shows it. Shows encouragement. Encourage means put courage in. And she puts courage in me by her presence. Did you know that every weekend she sits through all three of my sermons? This is the same sermon every time. Course I change it a lot.
>> It's good every time.
>> But she... And you're like, "Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah right." She talks to me that way all the time. And you know what's weird? You can trick a man into believing he's brilliant. "He doesn't have any strengths." Make something up and he'll get good at it with enough repeat... It's like inception. Women, you have power to just plant stuff. We will think we're good at stuff. "You're such a great dad." Why? "You came home."
>> So true.
>> Yeah. Encourage. And so what gives me a lot of boldness a lot of times is, you know we run around in life looking for likes from a bunch of people. Social media analogy. But if you get the right like from the person that you love the most? You don't need all the other stuff. And you have the power, and I have the power, to tell her I love the way you look. I love the way you look. No I love the way you cook. She does more than just cook and look good. I have the power. You're doing a great job creating the culture of our church for staff spouses, which is what she focuses on. And I am called to encourage her strengths. What if you changed your job description as a spouse today and wrote at the top of the thing, the job description that you're going to make, and said CEO. Chief Encouragement Officer. You think God would bless your marriage more? You think some stuff would come alive? What if that was the main thing? What if you started with what you could?
>> It means so much when it comes from your spouse. Because I know everything there is to know about you. But yet I'm telling you, "That was a great message." Or "You're doing a great job." I want him to go to work and feel like I believe in him. I want my husband to know that I believe in him. But I have to tell him. And I also have to show him with my actions and with my attitude. And I can encourage him.
>> Verbal. You can do it verbally.
>> Yeah. And I can do it non-verbally by attitude and my physically like supporting him.
>> Yes. Yes you can.
>> And you can, you know, written. Not just notes but text messages.
>> Put a little more time on my clock. Let's talk about that part.
>> Talk about physical encouragement?
>> Yes. Yes. Let's talk about it. It's amazing. It really is so important. Encourage your strengths. You know I try to preach in that way. We're aware of our weaknesses. And we gotta cover each other. But I'm encourage... I'm not jumping on the one thing you did wrong.
>> Yeah.
>> I want to be like God who takes us from strength to strength. From glory to glory. You are not my project. You're my partner.
>> Yes.
>> We're in this together.
>> We're a team.
>> And I want to build you up. Not puff you up. That's when I use flattery to get my way. That's when I use encouragement as a tool to manipulate a situation. Not that. But build you up with the truth of who God says you are. I'm called to encourage your strength. And finally, most important, I'm called to do it anyway.
>> Yeah.
>> Because everything I just said will not work if you only do it when you feel like it.
>> Right.
>> If you only do it when they deserve it. Listen to me at every location. The success of this relationship is built on my decision to do it anyway. Everybody say it out loud. Do it anyway. Sometimes I don't feel like saying I'm sorry, when I feel like I only contributed 25% of the problem and you were 75. But I'm going to do it anyway. sometimes I don't feel like pointing out the thing that was right because I've got a file of 15 things that I've been wanting to get around to, but I see that you're struggling so I'm going to speak to something that you did well. I'm going to...
>> Do it anyway.
>> Touch somebody, say, "Do it anyway."
>> Do it anyway.
>> If you're going to fulfill your assignment, if you're going to do this, if this is a special assignment, if you're going to have super powers in marriage... and I believe that this union is meant to be something that we can do more together than we can apart. God put us together for a reason. I'm better because you're in my life. But if we're going to fulfill God's purpose together, it's not just going to be through the times that we feel it. We gotta fake it sometimes until we feel it. And have faith in God. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. Let's review. I am called, I am called. Everybody say, "I am called to carry your burdens, to assume the best, to live with contentment, to let God be God, to encourage your strengths, and to do it anyway."