Steven Furtick - I'm Blessed, But Why Am I Still Struggling?
This is an excerpt from: The Blessing Of Letting Go
The presence of the blessing does not mean the absence of pressure. Sometimes we get confused about the things we feel. Sometimes we get confused about the thoughts we have. "I'm blessed, and I know I should trust God, because I know I've seen him come through before. I am blessed. I have seen so many times that he came through for me, but I'm waking up lately at 3:00 in the morning, and it's not just because of my liquid intake. I'm working through scenarios right now that I can't figure out how to sort. I'm blessed. I mean, don't get me wrong, man. I'm not in here to complain to you. I'm blessed, but I've got to go back to the doctor next Wednesday. And he's my healer. God is my Jehovah-Rapha, but I still kind of wonder what this doctor is going to say to me when I go see him on Wednesday".
I'm describing scenarios. These aren't my scenarios. These are the "buts" you brought to church. A man told me, "I'm so grateful God allowed me to open this restaurant, but I've got this pain in my shoulder right now. I'm coming in, and I'm getting here at 4:00 in the morning. Will you pray for me, Pastor? Because I trust God, but my shoulder… God has blessed me with so much, but this hurts. I'm waking up with this pain in my body. I'm not able to sleep at night. Would you just pray for me? I love God. I trust God. I'm blessed, but…" Don't get this confused. The load I carry does not mean I don't love God, nor does it mean that I doubt his love for me. I'm blessed, but…
"Yes, I'm blessed, but this addiction is kicking my butt. Yes, I'm blessed, but I still can't understand why I emotionally eat, so every diet I try fails, because there's something driving me back to that eating, and I don't even know what it is. Yes, I'm blessed, and I'm not complaining, because I know there's somebody somewhere who doesn't even have food to eat. So I'm not comparing myself and saying that I don't appreciate what God gave me. I know overeating is kind of like an American 'blessed people' problem to have anyway, but I still have it. I'm blessed, but I can't control this, and I don't know how to control it, because I'm wrestling with something I can't see". "I'm forgiven of my sin, but I don't feel free from it yet. I know it's under the blood, but it's still going on in my house. I can say the right words to you, and I can sing the right songs with you. I'm blessed, but…"
You probably don't want to hear about this. I'm blessed, but… This is what I feel sometimes when people say, "Boy, it must be wonderful to know that God uses you to help thousands of people through your preaching. That must be a blessing". It is a blessing, but… Y'all don't want to hear about that. No. It's just the Holy Spirit just flows, and I just let him say what he wants to say, because it's his work, not my work, and it's his way, not my way. I believe that, but sometimes I want to get up and say what I said last week, "Do it," and walk off the stage. The amazing thing about this wrestling match… Let me give you another verse that… To me it's not confusing, but it shows what Jacob is going through in this passage.
Verse 24 comes around, and he has sent everything across the stream because he has to deal with Esau. He thinks Esau is the enemy he has to face. What happens is he has a fight he didn't plan for as he's getting ready for the fight he's not going to have that he thinks he's going to have. This is kind of what worry does to you. It gets you fighting battles that probably aren't even going to happen to deplete you of the strength you need to do the things you can do, to affect what you can affect, to impact what you can impact. The Bible says that after Jacob was separated from all of these blessings…donkeys, camels, ewes, Rachel, Leah, Simeon, Levi, and all of these tangible expressions of blessing… After those have all gone, it says in verse 24, "So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak".
Now, I have been in a nostalgia hole all week watching 1991, 1992, and 1993 wrestling matches. I don't mean the kind where they compete on a collegiate level. I'm talking about the Four Horsemen. I'll be honest. I even went past… I quit watching wrestling when I was about 13 or 14. I even went past when I stopped watching wrestling, and I watched when Hulk Hogan became a bad guy. That was heartbreaking, because when I was growing up he was telling me to eat my vitamins and say my prayers. I had a little Hulk Hogan workout cassette tape, and I listened to that thing. To watch Hulk Hogan look at the crowd and say, "Shove it…" I'm like, "'Shove it'? You're our guy. You're our hero. How could you do this to me"?
I was watching it all week long, but I was watching it through the lens of Jacob. I was trying to figure out what that had to do with Jacob. I realized it right here. You know, they have a lot of arguments about "Is wrestling fake or is it real"? I heard one wrestler say something. He was like, "Let me slam you, and then you can see how real it feels or how fake it feels". So, when the Bible says he was wrestling, and he was wrestling alone, it lets me know two things. First, no one else got to see how he struggled. No one else saw this struggle. Secondly, he wrestled at night, which means that even he couldn't see what he was struggling with.
Isn't that the nature of the real things we wrestle with? I'm not talking about where the issues show up in our lives; I'm talking about the source of the issue. The source of the issue determines the strategy for the battle. So, if you live your whole life thinking, "Oh, well, I'm wrestling against them. I'm fighting against them. I need to convince them, if they would just appreciate me," you are making them the source of your struggle. If they are the source of your struggle, and they are a person… If they're external, if it's an issue… If it's the source of your struggle, then the source of your strength is also external, because the source of your struggle will determine the source of the strength you need to defeat that struggle. I'm going to make it plain in just a moment.
When I'm fighting with something I can see, I need to fight with things I can see. If I'm fighting against something that is visible, I need to fight with something that is visible. But what do I do when the fight is happening at night? What do I do when the fight is happening in a place in me that I can't even really tell you about and I'm not even really sure you want to hear it anyway? Because I'm blessed, but… I'm thankful, but… I've come so far, but… I told God I didn't want to preach this message to you, because the "Yes, I'm blessed" thing works so much better on Sunday without the "but". But when you come to this church, as long as I get to be the pastor, you can bring your "blessed but" into this church every single Sunday.
What does that mean? You can come in confused. What does that mean? You can come in conflicted. What does that mean? You can come in crying. You can leave crying. You don't have to shout. You don't have to clap. You don't have to say, "Amen". You don't have to have a highlighter. You don't have to know 35 Scriptures. You don't have to know how to quote the Apostles' Creed. You don't have to be born in the right place at the right time. You can be conflicted and still come. In this church, you can bring your "blessed but". You can come in here with questions and not even leave with answers, but throw up your hands and say, "I met with God fresh, and the angel told me it's going to be all right". Your "blessed but".
You're blessed, but you struggle. You're blessed, but you wonder. You're blessed, but you're still not completely healed from it yet. It happened 15 years ago. "I'm blessed, but there's a part of me that still can't forgive what they did to me. I'm blessed, but I still replay it in my mind. I'm blessed, but I still run back to it when the pressure is on. I'm blessed, but I still can't make sense out of it. I'm blessed, but I still don't feel ready for it. I'm blessed, but I still feel exhausted when I go to it. I'm blessed. God has given me so much, but I spend so much time wondering, 'Can I keep it up?' Because God gave it to me, but I can't keep it up".
Here's the good news: if he started it, then the pressure is on him to finish it. You need to remember that the source determines the strategy. If the blessing comes from you, then it's on you to keep it going, but if it comes from God… I learned this in my life. When I give him praise, it takes off pressure. Somebody said to me, "Y'all praise God at Elevation Church very externally and very openly, and it's kind of shocking". I'm like, "Why is it shocking"? The world is crazy externally and verbally. So, if it's crazy externally and verbally, then when I'm fighting back against the craziness, I need to fight it externally and verbally. So, if the Devil is telling me, "Esau is going to kill you," I need to speak back and say to God, "You promised. I have your word on this. I have your assurance on this. I'm in the middle of your purpose".
So Jacob… Oh, I love this story. It's so amazing, because Jacob all of his life has been blessed by grabbing on to what he wanted. Oh, he's a go-getter. When Jacob sets his mind out to do something… This is how ambitious Jacob is. When he was born, Esau was coming out first, and he came out… All y'all Bible nerds, don't ruin the punch line for me. He came out grabbing the heel of his older brother so he could be first. So, they saw him doing that, and they were like, "We need to call him Jacob," because Jacob means heel grabber. What amazing creativity. Secondly, what an amazing picture of the way he lived the rest of his life and the way so many of us do…grabbing for something God wants to give him.
Let me be honest with you. We live in a time where it's very easy to confuse Christianity with discipline. To be a good Christian, in many of our minds, means "This is how much I'm going to read the Bible. This is how much I'm going to pray". And I hope you read the Bible and pray a lot and more and more every day. I hope you do, and I hope I do. I hope we all do. That isn't what makes you a Christian. That isn't what makes you a better Christian. That isn't even what makes you a strong Christian, just by how much you pray, how much you read the Bible. That is not how to be blessed God's way, the gospel way. The reason I know that in my life is because I've spent too many of my years thinking the blessing of God was something I had to hold on to or it would get away from me.